18 Rules of Living by the Dali Lama

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: 1. Respect for self 2. Respect for others 3. Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

“I hope that young people will always have hope when they have to deal with something that’s not good. Rather than being happy or sad right after a minor incident, you should remain steadfast and always be able to live with a smile on your face. I, too, had certain difficulties to bear, but when I hung out with friends, I never mentioned those things. I would rather make jokes with them and tell myself, ‘leave your worries behind’. If I show my friends a frowning face, it will only make me look bad. You’ll live happily and healthily when you have a smile on your face. If you live with a frown on your face, it’s only your loss.”

“젊은이들이 조금 안 좋은 일이 있더라도 좌절하지 말고 항상 희망을 가졌으면 좋겠어. 조그만 일에 금방 슬퍼하고 기뻐하기 보다는 꾸준하게 언제나 웃는 얼굴로 웃고 살아야 하는 거거든. 나도 별일 다 있었지만 놀 때는 친구들에게 절대 내색을 안 했어. 오히려 ‘나는 쓸개를 집에다 걸어놓고 다니는 사람이요’ 라고 했지. 친구들에게 오만상 다 찡그리고 있어봐야 오히려 나의 인격만 떨어뜨리는 거거든. 웃으면서 살아야 건강해지는 거지, 오만 인상 다 쓰면 자기만 손해야.”

“Whenever I meet my friends they brag about their husband, brag about their kids, and brag about their wealth. I thought I could do that as well, so we kept moving to a bigger house. One day, we realized that we weren’t capable of handling such a house. Since we had to pay both the debt and interest as well, it quickly became hellish. So we sold our house for a much lower price and moved to a smaller place. Living there made me realize something I missed. I thought, ‘Ah…why should I live my life conscious of what others see?’ When I had a big house, it took me all day to clean. However, now that I’m in a smaller house, I only need to clean a little….How about an even smaller house then? Other people won’t see how I live. I think I started to let things go more easily since then.”

“친구들 만나면 남편 자랑에, 애들 자랑에, 재산 자랑을 하는 거예요. 그거 보니까 나도 할 수 있겠구나 싶어서 계속 큰 집으로 막 이사갔어요. 어느 순간 보니 내가 갖고 있는 건 한 주먹이었는데 두 주먹 정도 되는 그런 집을 갖고 있더라구요. 그렇게 빚 갚고 이자 갚고 하다보니 그게 바로 지옥이었어요. 그래서 그 집 살 때 가격보다 훨씬 낮은 가격으로 팔고 작은 집으로 이사 갔죠. 거기서 살아보니 느껴지더라구요. ‘아.. 내가 왜 다른 사람 눈을 의식하면서 살아야하지’라고요. 큰 집에 있을 때는 청소하는 것도 하루종일 힘들었거든요. 근데 작은 집으로 가니 청소도 조금하고… 더 작은 집이면 어때요? 다른 사람이 나 사는 거 보는 건 아니잖아요. 그 때부터 나 자신을 내려놓은 거 같아요.”