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When you haven’t eaten in a while, you get hungry. When “a while” is actually the length of time things need to fossilize, you starve! You can start smelling delicious phantom whiffs, or hear something you could have sworn was bacon joyously sizzling a second ago. It’s the same with sex. Except for the sizzling pork product sound. Well… maybe that was actually an amazing innuendo.

While unmarried, kidless couples sometimes run some laps in the Sex Deprivation race, parents are obviously the long-distance marathon runners of the sport. After so many “days without,” they can easily fall victim to reading sexy things into the simplest, completely innocent statements.

So, protect yourself from yourself and each other. Don’t accidentally get your partner’s hopes up. Especially if you know their hopes are on a hair-trigger and ready to go off at the slightest hint. Even if there’s really no hint. Of sex or bacon.

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Muhuhahahahahahahahah! Okay I’m done now. Or am I?