how-old-am-I

anonymous asked:

I was talking to a fan the other day and she keeps on mentioning that she wants to f👑ck one of the twins and she asked me how old am I and I told her Im 17 then i asked her the same thing and she told me she was 10... 😐 idk how to feel. Im not gonna act innocent but after knowing what her age was I was hella uncomfortable cause bc of the things she was saying 😐

senpainoticedmebeforeitwascool  asked:

Sorry, I just realized I should probably clarify my last ask, I meant like a hxh pokemon AU! Where Gon and Killua are Pokemon trainers!

(So I apologize in advance. This took me WAY longer than expected and, again, I live in the Stone Ages of Pokemon and have literally not been into Pokemon since Pokemon 2000 was in theaters..when I was five…..so if that tells you anything about how old I am and how long it’s been, there ya go. I apologize the for shortness and how anti-climactic it is…maybe it’s cute at least? I swear I’ll do better with basically any other AU you give me!)

For some less sucky stuff,click hereeeee or hereeeeee


Gotta x Catch x Em x All

“Killua, come on! It went this way!” Gon whined, jogging in place impatiently as he waited for his best friend to catch up.

Said friend cursed under his breath as he pulled himself over the steep ridge, covered in dirt and grime. When the twelve-year-old left his mansion to become a Pokémon trainer, he’d expected intense battles (with him winning, of course), a steady climb to fame, having money for all of the chocolate and junk food he could ever want- at the very least he expected having dozens, if not hundreds, of cool looking Pokémon at his fingertips.

No, he most certainly did not sign up for this. He had twelve pokeballs- twelve! You want to know how many Pokemon he currently possessed? Five including his starter. After all his hard work, that’s all he had to bring to the table.

He felt like it had been months since he and Gon left the Professor’s lab. And he felt like he’d accomplished absolutely nothing. Nothing but capture four Pokémon- And he’d struggled even with that. Gon, on the other hand, was proving to be a natural. His current inventory? Thirteen. The thought that that idiot was actually better than him was enough to cause the contents of Killua’s stomach to lurch. Blue eyes looked up at his friend in annoyance as he tried to rid his shorts of excess dirt.

“How do you even know that?”

“I just do! I sense it!” Killua looked at the boy exasperated, his jaw dropped. He’s so full of it.

“You sense it?” He recovered from his shock and crossed his arms, “What? Are you a Pidgey whisperer now? Are you sure your dad’s a Pokémon Master and not Pokémon? I mean since you just know them so well…” The shorter boy’s left eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

“I could hear them, you dummy!”

“You can hear them?” Killua gave an incredulous laugh, “Gon, there’s literally nothing to hear! I haven’t heard a thing since you dragged me all the way out here! It’s just trees and animals and bugs!”

“It’s not my fault you suck at listening….and catching Pokémon.” Blue eyes narrowed at the smug boy in front of him.

“Take that back, you idiot! I’m a better trainer than you’ll ever be!”

“Uh huh. That’s why I have thirteen and you have… six, was it?”

“Five…” Killua muttered, his cheeks turning a healthy shade of red, much to Gon’s pleasure. “But mine are stronger than yours, so-so there!”

“They are not!”

“Are too!”

“Are not!”

“Are too!”

“Are not!”

“Are- wait! Listen!” The two boys, who had been yelling in each other’s faces, froze- Gon looking off into the distance listening, Killua staring at him as if he’d grown a second head.

“What now? You listening to your friends again? Are they inviting you over for some- Mph!” Killua’s cheeks reddened as Gon clasped a calloused hand over his mouth, a finger to his own lips.

“Shh!”

The forest grew quiet then. There was a light breeze and Killua tried to focus, hearing leaves rustling. Beyond that, he couldn’t hear much of anything- and that frustrated him. What is Gon hearing? What is that kid even made of? What-

Then Killua heard it. He heard it. The cry of a Pidgey. He turned to face Gon, a bright grin stretched across his face. Gon already had a pokeball in hand, smirking at him.

“Race ya!”

“You’re on!”

………………………………………….

“Did you see how amazing that was?”

“Yes, Killua. I saw.” Gon sat on the ground, biting back a scoff as he tossed berries in the air for his Eevee to catch.

“I mean Pikachu just shocked it! I mean your Eevee didn’t even touch that Pidgey!” Killua grinned, his eyes sparkling with excitement. He paced back and forth with his Pikachu on his heels.

“Uh huh. That’s nice.”

“I’m starting to think I’m the Master here!” He laughed, squatting down to his starter, “I bet you and I could win a gym battle, huh?” He scowled, hearing his green-haired cackling.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You’d lose in a heartbeat!” Gon wheezed, falling over on the ground. “You-You suck at this!”

“Say one more thing-“

“And-And you think you’d actually win!”

That’s it!” Killua tackled the boy onto the ground, their Pokémon jumping out of the way, watching them fight.

“Quit it, Killua! I was only joking around!”

“You quit it! You’re such an idiot if you think you’re any better than I am!”

“I’m just saying that I have more!”

“Well that doesn’t-“

Pika-

The two boys looked at each other in horror.

“No, no, no!”

“-chu!!!”

Shit!”

……………………………

The two young Pokémon trainers limped through the sliding doors of the Pokémon Center, the younger of the two cursing under his breath while the older was somehow beaming despite his sorry condition. The blond teen sitting in the waiting room raised an eyebrow at them, giving them a slightly concerned look.

“Are you guys okay? Looks like you had a heck of a battle.” The boys looked up at him.

“Yep! We’re fine! Thanks for asking!” Gon grinned at him. Killua scowled at the boy next to him and jabbed his obviously broken arm with his elbow. “A-Ah! Killua, that hurt!”

“Don’t say you’re fine, idiot!” Killua snapped at him, earning a whine. The white-haired boy turned to the blond. “We had a run in with some trainer named Hisoka. He really packed a punch.”

“You battled Hisoka?” The blond’s eyes widened, “That guy’s nothing but trouble. He kills trainers left and right and snatch their Pokémon.”

“Kills them and steals their Pokémon?” Killua tensed before sending a menacing glare toward his friend, “Dammit, Gon! I told you he was too strong! He could have killed us!”

“But he didn’t!” Gon gave him a cheeky smile before his arm was jabbed again, howling in pain.

“Serves you right.” He turned back to the blond, “Anyway, I’m Killua Zoldyck and this idiot’s Gon Freecss. We need to have our Pokémon looked at.”

“My name’s Kurapika Kurta. I don’t work here, I’m just waiting for a friend to get off work. But he’s a nurse so I’m sure he won’t mind taking a look at them for you.”

“Thanks, Kurapika! Come on, Killua! Let’s sit and wait for his friend!” The boy sat down in one of the chairs with so much energy that he winced. Killua rolled his eyes but sat down next to his friend nonetheless.

“You have way too much energy for someone who just got his ass kicked.”

“Because Hisoka was really strong! And we have a new friend!” He grinned and waved at Kurapika with his uninjured hand. Kurapika awkwardly waved back, amused by the two of them.

“You’ve gotta be-“ Killua sighed, putting his head in his hands before looking back at him, “Okay, so two problems: One, how is Hisoka being strong a good thing? Two, we literally just met Kurapika- you can’t force him to be friends with us!”

“Awh, but Killua! Kurapika’s our friend! Right, Kurapika?”

“Um, sure, Gon. We can be-“ A taller teen walked from the back, “Leorio! Hey, these are my friends, Killua and Gon. They got roughed up in a battle and need their Pokémon looked at.”

“Sure! Of course I can!” He walked over to the two boys. “Let’s see what we can do.”

…………………………………………………

“Thanks so much, Leorio! We owe you one!”

“Idiot, it’s his job.” He rolled his eyes, putting his pokeballs back into his bag. “But thanks, old man.”

“You’re welcome, kids. And I’m not that much older than you guys!”

“Uh huh, sure. You keep telling yourself that.” Killua grinned mischievously seeing the scowl on the older teen’s face.

“Killua! Don’t be mean!” Gon whined, though any guilt that the white-haired boy would have felt was trampled when he saw Kurapika laughing.

“I’m nineteen, you little brat.” Killua immediately stopped his cackling and he and Gon looked at Leorio in disbelief.

Seriously?!

“Haha very funny, you guys.” Leorio crossed his arms, scowling. “You know, I just fixed your Pokémon so you should give me some respect.”

“Thanks-“ Gon narrowed his eyes when Killua covered his mouth quickly.

“Again, it’s your job. You can’t use that as leverage.” The doctor clenched his teeth, using every ounce of willpower to keep from punching the kid.

“Well, you’re welcome anyway.” Before Killua had the chance to make another sarcastic comment, Kurapika cut in.

“So…um…Gon, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere before?” Gon pursed his lips, tilting his head.

“I don’t think so…” Killua elbowed him- this time, the arm that wasn’t broken.

“Your dad, dummy.”

“Oh! My dad’s the Pokemon Master, Ging Freecss! Some people say I look like him.” Kurapika and Leorio’s eyes widened.

You’re Ging Freess’s son? That’s so cool!” Leorio grinned, looking at the boy in amazement.

“That must be incredible having a dad like him.”

“Gon wouldn’t know. The loser ditched him.” Killua soured, as if mentioning the name Ging Freecss made him want to vomit. Gon, however, seemed unfazed and simply shrugged.

“Being a Pokémon Master’s important! He’s just really busy! That means I’ll just have to work twice as hard to become one just like him!” Killua sighed, shaking his head. He never understood the kid’s positive attitude towards that dead-beat. Of course, seeing the disapproving glances of the other two teens, he wasn’t alone.

“That’s really low. I mean the nerve of that ass-“ Kurapika cut Leorio off, earning a glare from him.

“Have you guys thought about entering a League Conference?” Gon and Killua immediately perked up, eyes lighting up with interest.

“League Conference?” Gon looked as if he was bursting at the seams.

“What’s that?” Killua was slightly more gifted with hiding his excitement- though not much.

“It’s a tournament between the top trainers in a region. If you want a challenge, that’s where you need to be.”

“I heard a rumor that winning League Conferences will guarantee you a spot as a Pokémon Master.” Leorio pointed out, ignoring the Kurta rolling his eyes.

“That’s preposterous, Leorio. No one knows how to become one, but it definitely isn’t as easy as winning a League Tournament. Do you know how many people have already done that?”

“I’m just saying what I heard.” Leorio shrugged, “Maybe win all of the tournaments? That’s hard to do, right?”

“Well, yeah. It’s hard. But that doesn’t mean-

“Forget that! How do we compete?” Killua butted in, blue eyes narrowed in impatience, hands on his hips.

“Yeah! How do we do that?” Gon jumped up and down.

“Well, you compete in gym battles and earn badges. You need eight to compete. It’s a tournament so they weed out the weaker trainers first before they get to the big matches. It’s intense, though, so you need to-“

“Let’s do it, Killua!”

“Yeah! We’ll need to get some badges as quick as possible!”

“Guys, you need to be careful! You just lost to Hisoka!” Kurapika groaned, worry flashing in his eyes.

“He’s right, you need to give your Pokémon a rest!” Leorio chided. Killua waved both of them off.

“It’s fine! We’ll be fine! Come on, Gon!”

“Osu!”

…………………………………………………

“And now for the final match of the day! Gon Freecss and Killua Zoldyck!”

The crowd cheered as they had with the first twelve matches. The late afternoon, early evening air was brisk and breezy. The boys in the ring weren’t bothered by the cool weather and they hardly noticed the crowed- their eyes locked with fiery determination, a smirk on Killua’s face and a grin on Gon’s.

“You’re going down, Gon.”

“Nu uh, Killua. You’re going to eat my dust!”

“Yeah, we’ll just see about that.”

………………………………………………

Dammit!” Killua launched his 3DS across the room, narrowly missing Gon’s head. Gon stuck his tongue out.

“Sore loser much?” Gon giggled, watching his best friend fuming across from him. “Is it true that I finally found a video game that Killua isn’t good at?”

“It’s not my fault! This game makes no sense! There’s no strategy!”

“Yes there is. Water types aren’t effective against-“

“Oh, water types this, normal types that. Who cares! The strongest Pokémon should win no matter what type it is!”

“You used an electric type against a ground type! That’s what makes no sense! Why would you do something so stupid?” Killua’s eye twitched in annoyance, launching himself at Gon. All the poor boy could do was struggle to escape his grasp. “Killua! Let go!”

“No! Let’s just see if an electric type is effective against Gon!”

Want to know me better? Send me any number!
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  • 145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?
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  • 178: An experience that has made me stronger?
  • 179: If I were immortal, what would I do?
  • 180: Do I like shopping?
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DOCTOR DREAMY | PT.1

pt1 | pt2 | (ongoing)

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, eventual smut + expecting parents au

word count: 4,724

request: sperm donor ex-boyfriend jimin 

description: Okay, maybe in hindsight asking your ex-boyfriend, who you never really got over, to be your sperm-donor wasn’t the brightest of ideas.

cr.


“I want to have your baby,” is a particular string of words that is only considered acceptable in a certain number of situations.

Maybe between two lovers getting lost in the moment of their heightened feelings, and somehow the words just slip — that’s probably the most common occurrence of the phrase. Or maybe it’s a night out, alcohol in your system, and the words just sort of spill past your lips to the most ridiculously attractive stranger you’ve ever seen before you can even think to stop them. Even that, can still be considered at least borderline passable usage of the phrase. Hell, even the instance of a teenage girl proclaiming her love for her favorite celebrity with the heavy proclamation is still considered normal for the most part.

These, along with a few far-fetched others, were the only situations you could think of that allowed for the usage of those six words to be passable, yet, here you were, uttering that exact phrase, when you were in absolutely none of them. You weren’t getting caught up in the moment with lust-glazed eyes, you weren’t drunk and spewing nonsense at a bar to some guy, and you most certainly weren’t some star struck teenage girl staring up at her celebrity crush’s poster.

No, you were none of those things.

Instead, you were sitting across from your ex-boyfriend telling him that you wanted to have his baby… Yeah, totally passable usage of the phrase, right?

Keep reading

They’re back!!
No matter how old I am, each time I see fireflies it makes my heart beat faster, just like when I was a kid . I always think that feeling is gone forever and boom, it comes out of nowhere again and again.  Kind of cool.

#pascalcampion #fireflies

Guys My Age (2)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 4K

Warnings: SMUT. NSFW gifs. 

Summary: You’re playing truth or dare with the Avengers when Nat asks you when the last time you got laid was  and Sam dares you to pick a song that perfectly grasps why you haven’t had sex in so long.

A/N: Enjoy the smot. And please use protection people. Better safe than surprised. I think this is dirtiest fic I’ve written so far.

Permanent tag list: @meganlane84

Part 1

Keep reading

brandon-wallace  asked:

Hi jax my name is Brandon I'm a really big fan but I'm only 14. I was wondering, what would be best for me to do training wise bc I want the body of like deku, spider Man, one punch man ect... But I can't really have a diet bc how old I am and my mom doesn't like it when I try to go on a diet. Can you do a video on how young peaple like me can git ripped ? Plz ...Thank you

Watch these 4 videos in ORDER 

and you’ll be ready to ACCOMPLISH 
any FITNESS goal for any age, gender and fitness level. 

We all had to start somewhere 

I was there when Don’t Starve was in the mid-beta four and a half years ago.

I was there when the science machine needed offers to score science points and unlock recipes permanently, back when Wilson was the only character and island biomes were linked together on long stone branches. When sanity was not a thing along with spoilage and the tent was used to switch character once.

What a time.

So yes yes we all know Tony would probably fuck w/ Steve about future-things in order to flirt (yes Steve it IS customary now for people to eat breakfast shirtless yep i know this stuff im A Futurist™) but what I’m interested in is Steve doing it right back.

-“Tony how does this remote control thingy work pls move my hands for me I’m just so Incapable”

-“Ties?? Do u not remember how poor I was Tony I don’t know what one of those even are ur gonna have to tie it for me and make sure u get real close just in case of…falling over.. because of stress,”

-“Oh goodness I appear to have dropped something and you know how old I am Tony my bones hurt please bend down and pick it up.”
“Steve you’re a supersol-”
“SO old,”

want to know me better? send me a number! (:

(theres like 200+ on here lol. got it from another tumbler, credz to them 💜)

1: My name?
2: Do I have any nicknames?
3: Zodiac sign?
4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?
5: Book/series I reread?
6: Aliens or ghosts?
7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write?
8: Favourite radio station?
9: Favourite flavour of anything?
10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?
11: Favourite song?
12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?
13: Favourite word?
14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them?
15: Last song I listened to?
16: TV show I always recommend?
17: Pirates or ninjas?
18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?
19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?
20: Favourite video games?
21: What am I most afraid of?
22: A good quality of mine?
23: A bad quality of mine?
24: Cats or dogs?
25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?
26: Favourite season?
27: Am I in a relationship?
28: Something I miss?
29: My best friend?
30: Eye colour?
31: Hair colour?
32: Someone I love?
33: Someone I trust?
34: Someone I always think about?
35: Am I excited about anything?
36: My current obsession?
37: Favourite TV shows as a child?
38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?
39: Am I superstitious?
40: What do I think about most?
41: Do I have any strange phobias?
42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?
43: Favourite hobbies?
44: Last book I read?
45: Last film I watched?
46: Do I play any instruments?
47: Favourite animal?
48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?
49: Superpower I wish I could have?
50: How do I destress?
51: Do I like confrontation?
52: When do I feel most at peace?
53: What makes me smile?
54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?
55: Play any sports?
56: What is my song of the week?
57: Favourite drink?
58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?
59: Afraid of heights?
60: Pet peeve?
61: What was the last concert I went to see?
62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?
63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?
64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy?
65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?
66: Something I worry about?
67: Scared of the dark?
68: Who are my best friends?
69: What do I admire most about others?
70: Can I sing?
71: Something I wish I could do?
72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?
73: Have I ever skipped school?
74: Favourite place on the planet?
75: Where do I want to live?
76: Do I have any pets?
77: What is my current desktop picture?
78: Early bird or night owl?
79: Sunsets or sunrise?
80: Can I drive?
81: Story behind my last kiss?
82: Earphones or headphones?
83: Have I ever had braces?
84: Story behind one of my scars?
85: Favourite genre of music?
86: Who is my hero?
87: Favourite comic book character?
88: What makes me really angry?
89: Kindle or real book?
90: Favourite sporty activity?
91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?
92: What was my favourite subject at school?
93: Siblings?
94: What was the last thing I bought?
95: How tall am I?
96: Can I cook?
97: Can I bake?
98: 3 things I love?
99: 3 things I hate?
100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?
101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?
102: Where was I born?
103: Sexual orientation?
104: Where do I currently live?
105: Last person I texted?
106: Last time I cried?
107: Guilty pleasure?
108: Favourite Youtuber?
109: A photo of myself.
110: Do I like selfies?
111: Favourite game app?
112: My relationship with my parents?
113: Favourite accents?
114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?
115: Favourite number?
116: Can I juggle?
117: Am I religious?
118: Do I like space?
119: Do I like the deep ocean?
120: Am I much of a daredevil?
121: Am I allergic to anything?
122: Can I curl my tongue?
123: Can I wiggle my ears?
124: Do I like clowns?
125: The Beatles or Elvis?
126: My current project?
127: Am I a bad loser?
128: Do I admit when I wrong?
129: Forest or beach?
130: Favourite piece of advice?
131: Am I a good liar?
132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?
133: Do I talk to myself?
134: Am I very social?
135: Do I like gossip?
136: Do I keep a journal/diary?
137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?
138: Do I believe in second chances?
139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?
140: Do I believe people are capable of change?
141: Have I ever been underweight?
142: Am I ticklish?
143: Have I ever been in a submarine?
144: Have I ever been on a plane?
145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?
146: Have I ever been overweight?
147: Do I have any piercings?
148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?
149: Do I have any tattoos?
150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?
151: Do I believe in Karma?
152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?
153: What was my first car?
154: Do I want children?
155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?
156: My most embarrassing memory?
157: What makes me nostalgic?
158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?
159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?
160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?
161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?
162: What do I hate most about myself?
163: What do I love most about myself?
164: Do I like adventure?
165: Do I believe in fate?
166: Favourite animal?
167: Have I ever been on radio?
168: Have I ever been on TV?
169: How old am I?
170: One of my favourite quotes?
171: Do I hold grudges?
172: Do I trust easily?
173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?
174: Best gift I’ve ever received?
175: Do I dream?
176: Have I ever had a night terror?
177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?
178: An experience that has made me stronger?
179: If I were immortal, what would I do?
180: Do I like shopping?
181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?
182: What does “family” mean to me?
183: What is my spirit animal?
184: How do I want to be remembered?
185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?
186: What is my greatest failure?
187: What is my greatest achievement?
188: Love or money?
189: Love or career?
190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?
191: What makes me the happiest?
192: What is “home” to me?
193: What motivates me?
194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?
195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?
196: A movie that scared me as a child?
197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?
198: Zombies or vampires?
199: Live in the city or suburbs?
200: Dragons or wizards?
201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?
202: How do I define love?
203: Do I judge a book by its cover?
204: Have I ever had my heart broken?
205: Do I like my handwriting?
206: Sweet or savoury?
207: Worst job I’ve had?
208: Do I collect anything?
209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?
210: What is on my bucket list?
211: How do I handle anger?
212: Was I named after anyone?
213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?
214: What TV character am I most like?
215: What is the weirdest talent I have?
216: Favourite fictional character?

anonymous asked:

tony and rhodey and nicknames!! I'm dying i love it so much! steve and bucky are pissed that they can never compete with tony and rhodey's 20+ year relationship. TONY HAS LITERALLY KNOWN RHODEY FOR 2/3RDS OF HIS LIFE I'M CRYING. but like, what if they celebrate their anniversaries?? maybe rhodey takes them out to a cheesy candlelit dinner with flowers and everything and tony loves it but the other two are PISSED AF (rhodey silently laughing his ass off when he spots them spying on their date)

Lmao at the idea of Tony getting all jittery in one of his nicer suits and Thor thinks 'finally these idiots have gotten the balls to ask Tony out’ and says, “Hot date, Tony?” Darcy will be super proud of his correct wording later.

And Tony nearly vibrates and he’s beaming and he says, “Yes! It’s our anniversary!”

‘These idiots have not gotten the balls to ask Tony out.’ “Oh. I wasn’t aware that you were seeing someone.”

Tony scoffs. “Yes you were, Thor, don’t fucking lie.”

Thor considers throwing Tony out the window even though he knows he never actually will because Midgardians are delicate and also apparently frown upon getting over their differences by brawling. It’s nice to dream.

And then Rhodey shows up wearing his dress uniform and looking very handsome and Thor is very confused because he was not aware Tony and Rhodey were romantically involved.

“I got you a gift,” Rhodey says, smug. “It’s a friendship bracelet.”

“EEE.”

“I also got your gift to me. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to eat a Whitman’s Sampler as big as my bed before everything goes stale but I’m sure as hell going to try.”

Tony doesn’t even care. It’s one of those new loom bracelets and it’s red and gold and it’s got a fucking WAR MACHINE CHARM ON IT AAAAHHHH.

Thor thought he was beginning to understand Midgardians but now he has literally no idea. Rhodey and Tony step into the elevator to go to their dinner.

Thor lets out quite possibly the unmanliest yelp when Steve and Bucky bolt out of the common kitchen, nearly foaming at the mouth. “JARVIS, where are they going?!” “I really couldn’t say–” “YES YOU COULD.” JARVIS sighs and tells them the address. They opt not to wait for the elevator to come up and just pound down the stairs.

“…JARVIS, my friend,” Thor sighs, sagging onto the couch. “I will never truly understand Midgardians.”

“You haven’t even seen the half of it,” JARVIS replies, definitely sounding amused.

“It’s our anniversary,” Tony tells the waitress delightedly.

“Oh how nice,” she says, smiling. “How long have you been together?”

Tony frowns. “Oh, god, thirty years? I was fourteen when we met. How old am I?”

“Jesus Christ,” Rhodey laughs, and then laughs again when he sees Bucky and Steve glowering at him from across the restaurant. “It’s our friendship anniversary,” he adds to the waitress, just to make sure she doesn’t bring out a dessert to share or anything. Tony doesn’t share his dessert. He’s proved that already.

Instead of giving them a weird look, like so many other waiters and waitresses before her, she beams at him. “That is so adorable. I wish I had a friend like that!”

“But seriously how old am I. What year is it.”

“He measures days weird,” Rhodey adds when he sees how horrified the waitress has become. “The iPhone seven just came out.”

“I’M FORTY-FIVE.”

“Oh my God.”

Rhodey feeds Tony from his fork just to watch Steve and Bucky squirm angrily in their seats. They’ve ordered food but the waiter is already rolling his eyes and bringing out boxes because they haven’t touched a bite. But he could do more to piss them off. “Hey, you wanna hold hands?”

“I always wanna hold hands,” Tony answers immediately, and holds his hand out to him, smiling when he takes it.

Steve starts to stand, furious, and Bucky tugs him back down into his seat.

Rhodey bites the inside of his cheek not to burst out laughing and give them away. “Hey, you wanna take a walk after dinner?”

“I’d rather just go home and cuddle and watch Sharknado so we can make fun of it.”

This shit just happens by itself, Rhodey thinks giddily when Bucky’s face goes red with rage, because he’d obviously heard ‘cuddle.’ God. This was comedy gold. “Okay but only if I get to be the big spoon.”

Tony snorts. “I think we both know that I was always going to be the little spoon.”

Steve has to keep Bucky from pulling a knife out and throwing it at Rhodey.

Rhodey doesn’t even care because this is the most beautiful thing ever and he’s only sorry that he wasn’t able to tape it for Pepper.