how-much-it-hurts

Here goes. This is the weakest I’ll ever be with you. I’ve missed you. Some days not all. But I was fine, I was doing really okay and I think every time I’m doing my best that’s when you come and fuck it all up. You were a huge disappointment. You repeatedly let me down on days I needed you most, where I needed you to comfort me and just love me. You were not there for the longest time. So you can see why it’s hard to trust you again? Telling me I’m the one does not convince me as much as I want it to it doesn’t because you’ve crushed that hope of mine that YOU were the one and I was that to you. Because you don’t treat people that way you don’t when you’re in love with them. I can’t tell if I miss the idea of you or if I miss you. I’ve been crying a lot because you give me so much anxiety and I’m afraid of making the wrong decision. I hate that you’re doing this while you’re not here because I just want to see you I want to yell at you I want to hug you and I want to kiss you but I can’t. And the anxiety is eating me alive because I want to just call you and talk to you about everything. You know me I’m the kind of person that needs to deal with things at that moment. And I can’t do that yet. I’m really terrified. I don’t think it’s because I’m Afraid of how much I think I love you but how much you’ll hurt me next. Let’s face it, you’ll hurt me again. You do not know the pain I felt losing my best friend so many times and me always being so good to you. And now I leave for 2 Months and now I don’t want to anymore because I want to stay with you. What does that say about me really? That I let any person control my life? I want you to call I want you to talk to me I want you to annoy me because I really don’t want to stop talking until you come why can’t you fucking see that? You’re proving everything I’ve said about you and you don’t seem to care. and it hurts. You brought back all this pain and anxiety you don’t see that either. Im thinking about how I felt when you left every time, how you literally broke me. There’s no other way than to describe it that way. The night I called you drunk was because this guy kissed me and I instantly left and went home and collapsed onto the floor and just cried. All i wanted was you. It made me sick to my stomach kissing someone else. Im trying to believe you. Im trying to believe you’re different I just don’t see how that is true or how you will prove it. I think the number thing I hate about myself is that I am a pushover. I will always forgive you and I hate that. I hate that Im talking to you, I feel weak for even crying about you right now. But I want to get back to where we were. I want you to make me fall in love with you again, I truly do. I’m just scared Im so fucking scared of leaving now and I don’t know what will happen when Im gone. But were not talking right now, and I don’t know what I think of that. You’re proving me right, i hope you see that. So idk what I’m trying to say here I really don’t. But just call. Fuck, just call please. 

People keep talking about how expensive the show was and baz luhrmann says he doesn’t have enough time but I’m selfish! This is so goddamn important to me and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without it and I’m selfish! I’m selfish and I want my show back I don’t have the words for how much this hurts and I feel bad because sure it’s just a show but it’s so so so important to me and I can’t let it go

I just saw this on Reddit today and I wanted to share it here.

When you’re a parent, you have to realize that the child you brought into this world is going to be their own person and you’ll have to start getting into things you may not understand and have ZERO interest in.

However, you damn well better act like you are.

I can still remember the feeling as a kid getting Pokemon Red and it being something I loved so much, so I wanted to share that with my mom. I wanted to show her my team, tell her about the gym leaders I took down, and she just took a glance at the Game Boy color and went “mmhhhmm”.

She gave zero shits when I beat Banjo-Kazooie, a game which was INCREDIBLY hard for grade school me and you can make me have war flashbacks if you so much as say “Rusty Bucket Bay”.

My town in Animal Crossing? Catching rare fish? Who cares?

I liked a cartoon series so much that I wrote little stories about it? “No, I don’t want to read it.”

This type of stuff matters to kids so damn much and she’ll never realize how much it hurt our relationship. It might not seem like a big deal she never sat down and watched me play something like Luigi’s Mansion, but that’s how kids try and bond with their parents.

After constantly being shot down they’ll eventually stop talking to you entirely. 

sana, my beautiful darling. she’s making these walls she’s learned to build up around her over the years even thicker, because of how much she’s been hurt lately. it’s too much, what she’s been through, in such a short amount of time, and you can tell just how…emotionally exhausting this has been for her. you can see it in her eyes. and she’s at a point where she can’t risk getting hurt more, so she’s closing herself off. building that though exterior. making herself look and sound though. and the saddest thing about this is that you get the feeling that she’s…given up. but can you even blame her? you can’t, not after everything that happened on may 12th. she is just so tired. 

and now, she’s not letting herself feel, because not feeling at all is much better than risking getting her heart broken again, multiple times  

i’m not writing a poem about you but kissing you made me forget how much the world hurts. i mean it’s okay though right. sometimes girls get like this, like our insides turn fairy white. i’m not writing you a poem but i want to make you flower crowns and talk to you about why grass is so green and spill things on your carpet because i’m too busy laughing. i’m saying i’m keeping busy pretending. i’m not saying i almost always think about you but sometimes i find myself smiling. i’m not saying you’re magic but i get lighter around you. how cheesy is that. i’m not writing you a poem but i want to bury myself in the nights we’re both brave enough. i’m not writing about you but yesterday i saw the sky and she was hungry blue and i really miss being able to hold you.

I Curse You Until The Day You Die

Originally posted by vanish

*Note, This isn’t for a person who annoyed you at work or such, this is for someone who has ruined your life, for someone who has made your everyday existence into a living hell. You have to hate this person so much that you are willing to, well, curse them until the day they die*

The Spell

You will need:

  • An object of theirs or something to represent them (I had a drawing they did for me when we used to be friends)
  • A black candle
  • A cauldron or container big enough to fit the object in (It has to be heatproof and fireproof, also, take it outside if it’s bigger than your hand)
  • Your tears or something to represent your pain, like screaming.
  • A knife or pin.
  • water (As a safety measure)

Take their personal object and hold it in your hands. Now, I want you to remember everything they did to you, how much it hurt and how much you wanted to give up. Just let it all out, scream, cry, shout etc. Do whatever you need to release that emotion and just let it fill the object with every ounce of your anger, your sadness and your pain. Direct it all at them.

Now, Take your black candle and light it, you can chant this or something else:

“(Target’s Name), You will feel all that I feel,
And you will squeal,
Everytime you think of me, of my pain,
You will feel my struggle tenfold, for all your life.
You will carry this to your grave.”

Take you knife or pin or hammer and go all out on the object, fucking wreck it and let it show it’s distress.

Light the object on fire and place it in the container.

Now watch it burn, focus all that hate and anger into the flames, let them carry those emotions to the target, let the person feel everything, visualise them crying alone with no one to help them, let them be alone, they don’t deserve companionship.

Once it’s burnt, pour the water over it to make sure it’s out.


After-Care

This can be a very exhausting spell, spiritually, physically and mentally.
Take time to relax and calm down.

Take a Healing Bath by adding sea salt, rose petals and chamomile to your bath. Focus on the warmth of the water and let it absorb all your troubles.

Do something that you enjoy, whether it’s snuggling up in a blanket, listening to heavy metal or going for a jog. You do you.

Take time to cleanse the spell area too as energies can sometimes be left behind.

Just take care of yourself.

Shoutout to all the weird kids

To the kids that everyone called weird or strange or worse

To the kids who were/are being bullied by their peers

To the autistic and ADHD kids who are mocked for their stims 

To the autistic kids who are bullied for not understanding sarcasm/being gullible

To the ADHD kids who are punished for not being able to sit still

To the autistic kids who are mocked for their meltdowns 

To the kids who are segregated from the “normal” kids

To the adults who are still recovering from the abuse they faced at the hands of their peers

To the adults who still feel like weirdos and freaks and still hear their voices echoing in our heads

To the adults who don’t remember their childhoods because of all the abuse we faced for daring to be different

You’re not weird or strange or bad. You are different and that is beautiful. I know it may not seem that way right now. I know how much it hurts to be singled out and abused for your natural way of being. I know how hard you try to hide your differences to avoid the torment. I know how much you suffer for suppressing your natural behaviors. 

But, your differences are something to be admired and embraced. You are so beautiful and unique. Your stims are a marvelous and something to be celebrated. Your way of seeing the world may not fit with how others see things but that is part of what makes you so special. 

One day, you will find people who expect you as you are. One day, you will find people who don’t just tolerate you but celebrate all the things that make you “weird”. One day, you will find peace with yourself and be able to accept yourself. One day, you will walk the road of recovery, leaving behind all the painful taunts, all the bullying and abuse. One day, you will find healing and hope. 

listen

I think the most beautiful thing about Tony is that he’s so gentle with Clay. He knows how much his friend is hurting, he’s hurt himself, yet he tries everything in his power to safe Clay from collapsing. And even when he can’t take the pain away from him he’s always there to compensate and help him through it. Tony is such a lovely, underrated character on this show, he deserves the world

Originally posted by fakehelper

lance starts noticing hunk spending more time with pidge and keith and less time with him and it’s fine hunk can hang out with whoever he wants they’re not attached to the hip or anything but lately he’s been feeling kind of homesick and lonely and he really wants to talk to someone about it but when he tries to ask hunk he finds him with both pidge and keith and they’re sitting around talking and laughing while working on some technology thing and lance feels hurt cause he asked hunk earlier to hang by he told lance he was going to be busy working on some projects and he feels his heart break? and maybe it was an accident maybe hunk didn’t plan for keith and pidge to come by but if they did couldn’t someone have invited him? no they don’t have to invite him they’re not grade schoolers they don’t always have to do things together but…..but

the hole in his chest grows a little bigger the self depreciating thoughts in his head get a little louder and to his mortification his nose starts to burn, he walks away before they notice him because now he’s starting to cry and god why is he so pathetic and it’s like a fucking avalanche every rejection he’s ever received every negative comment he ever heard about himself every time he felt alone crashes into him and he

can’t.

stop.

crying.

and worse is a part of he wants someone to find him a part of him wants someone to notice and ask what’s wrong but his pride wins as he makes way to his lion and locks himself away until he can control himself because no matter how much he’s hurting he does not want to give them anymore reason to think less of him

15 years. Jake Peralta and Rosa Diaz were just sentenced to jail for fifteen years for a crime they didn’t commit. Jake Peralta, who is forced again and again to leave behind the people he loves. Rosa Diaz, who could have escaped but didn’t because she loves her family, the Nine Nine, so much.

Who are they leaving behind?

Amy Santiago - Who is going to be sleeping ALONE because she’s not living with her boyfriend anymore, who won’t know who to exchange a dry glance with because her best friend isn’t there either. And she loves both of them so much.

Gina Linetti - Who is having a baby and won’t catch Rosa Diaz (who she is secretly in love with shh) smiling at it, or her childhood best friend Jake Peralta doing ridiculous things to make it laugh.

Charles Boyle - HE IS BOTH ONE OF ROSA’S AND JAKE’S BEST FRIENDS. He doesn’t get to tease Jake anymore or have him around for dinner, and admire the way he plays with Nikolaj. He can’t look at Ro-Ro and admire how far their friendship has come.

Terry Jeffords - HIS KIDS. TERRY’S GROWN UP KIDS ARE IN JAIL. CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM LOOKING AT CAGNEY AND LACEY AND THINKING HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT IF ONE OF THEM WERE FRAMED FOR SOMETHING THEY DIDN’T DO? I CAN, AND HIM AND SHARON ARE BOTH UPSET BECAUSE TERRY’S KIDS ARE IN JAIL.

Raymond Holt - HE KNEW. HOLT KNEW ONE HUNDRED PERCENT THAT THEY WERE INNOCENT AND THAT THEY CERTAINLY DON’T DESERVE TO GO TO FRICKING JAIL FOR FIFTEEN YEARS. AND HE’S GOING TO BE ANGRY, BEYOND ANGRY, BECAUSE THE SYSTEM HE WORKS FOR IS PUTTING TWO OF HIS CHILDREN IN JAIL AND THEY D O N T  D E S E R V E  I T!


Anyway I have a lot of feelings.

Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees, until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders, until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will forge you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that there is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.  

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peaking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life then what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.
—  An open letter to myself, and to you. (Sometimes I write until I run out of words) ALightLitInTheDark
Birthday Blues // Jeff Atkins

A/N: Honestly, I wrote this at 1am. 

Named after: The fact that I mentioned readers birthday so much. That and I was listening to the blues.


It was a Saturday. It was the day of the championship game for baseball. But most importantly, it was your birthday.


You had let this small fact take a back seat in weeks leading up to the game, you didn’t want to stress Jeff out. Your boyfriend was already spending more time with Clay to get tutoring for two more classes just to make sure he’d play. He’d exercise in the early morning before school, go to baseball practice after, study and do homework with the smaller boy, and then watch his previous games until it was time to repeat.

It had become a routine, and Jeff normally got like this a few days before his games. You’d grown accustomed to it, you would plan to walk to school or ride with your next door neighbor Alex Standall, pack a few extra protein bars and Gatorade to leave in his locker, as well as massage him during his film.

He was…distant but it was okay because he always felt so guilty after, he’d pamper you for the next week.

However, what your boyfriend failed to let you know, was that for the championship, this routine of his was starting two weeks before you expected it. So when you found yourself arriving at school by 3rd period, after waiting 20 minutes for your boyfriend to show up you were more than angry.

But you pushed it aside, silently forgiving your baseball player. You knew Jeff loved the sport he played. For the most part, it was the only thing he felt he was incredible at. So you slowly adjusted to this behavior for the week, eating lunch by yourself because Jeff didn’t initially tell you he was going to the athletic trainer during your lunch period. Nodding as he asked you if you could find another ride home because practice was running late. Walking when you realized all your friends had already left.

It was fine, you knew it wasn’t intentional or malicious, he just really wanted the game to go well. Scouts would be looking at him. More importantly, you knew that once these weeks finished you’d have him all to yourself, starting on your birthday.

You walked through the bleachers wearing Jeff’s home jersey, 30 minutes before the game started. You saved seats for his parents who had already wished you a happy birthday, your parents who were there to support your boyfriend, and your friends who had helped you survive these past two weeks.

You made three posters all with different puns and cheesy jokes that you were sure Jeff would love,
 ’#1 on the field AND in my heart’
 'No that is not Derek Jeter, it’s Jeff Atkins’

And your personal favorite,
  ‘Atkins, Homerun counter:__’

You brought a sharpie with you to the game and by the end of it, you had edited that poster at least four times. You screamed so loud during the game you barely had any voice left when the team won.

The student section, along with yourself rushed the field and you watched as your boyfriend and his teammates poured water all over their coach. You smiled, more proud of Jeff than ever. Your two weeks of relationship hell were over and you were going to spend the rest of this Saturday night celebrating him and your birthday.

When you finally got the opportunity to get to Jeff, waiting for his parents and your parents to go first so they could leave, you hugged him as tightly as you could you pecked his lips before asking, “Now what champ?”

He smiled at the abbreviation. He let go holding out a finger signaling he’d get back to you. He left, jogging over to his teammates and a few reporters. You waited. Waited as the captains talked to the reporters who covered the game, waited as he greeted the college scout with a firm handshake, waited as the team filed out.

Jeff was the first one on that field and the last one to leave the dugout. He had all of his stuff in his baseball bag, slung on one shoulder while he wrapped the other arm around your waist.

“We’re going to Bryce’s!” He said smiling as you reached his car.

“W-what?” You asked trying to keep it together.

“Bryce, you know Bryce, he’s throwing a party for the win! You asked, ‘now what’ so that’s what!” He replied placing his stuff in his trunk.

You couldn’t lie, it fucking hurt. He forgot. He forgot your birthday of all days. You understand, it was the championship but the last thing you wanted to do was get drunk with a bunch of rowdy jocks. You and Jeff did that almost every weekend. Before you could say anything, Jeff opened the door for you, kissing your cheek.

“Jeff…” you started your voice nearly breaking. But when he turned to you, with the world in his eyes, ecstatic he had just won, you couldn’t bring yourself to ruin it. So you swallowed the lump in your throat and blinked back your tears as you forced a smile on your face.

“Could you please take me home? I’m not feeling too well.” You said, barely managing to make it through your request.

He nods, rushing back over to the driver’s seat. He grabs your hand, rubbing circles on your skin all the way to your house. His grip tightens as he pulls into your driveway and finally looks over at you.

You avoid his gaze and move to get out.

“So no party?” He asks you.

“No thanks, but go and have fun okay? I’ll see you tomorrow!”

He furrows his eyebrows placing another kiss on your hand before letting you go.

“Thanks, baby girl, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

And with that, he drives off. Once he’s out of sight you finally let the tears stream down your face like they had wanted to for the past two weeks.

You decided not to call anyone to make other plans, you would much rather sulk in your own pity. You had a mix of texts come in through the night that you ignored. Most of them from friends wishing you a happy birthday, and a few from a very drunk Jeff who, for the life of him, couldn’t manage to spell out ‘I love you’. That night you cried yourself to sleep, upset and alone trying to rationalize your boyfriend’s actions.


You woke up early the next morning, making yourself breakfast and planning out your day to make up for the previous. You could have fun by yourself. You ignored whatever Jeff texted you when you got ready, putting on some of your favorite clothes instead. Sorting through looking for your sweatshirt, you heard a knock on your door.

You threw on a t-shirt instead, yelling out 'come in’, as you started to put your hair into a bun.

“Hey, you feeling better? I have the nastiest hangover, so it’s fine if you’re not, we’ll be miserable together” Jeff started.

And you shook your head slightly at first, then you gradually became angrier. You couldn’t care less if Jeff had a hangover. Throughout his whole drunk escapade, it didn’t even occur to him that you were sitting at home, by yourself, on your birthday. He had treated you like shit for two weeks, he didn’t just get to waltz back into your life as though it never happened.

“Your parents let me in on their way out. You weren’t answering my texts so I just thought-” he stopped himself as he watched your expression change.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

“What’s wrong Jeff? What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?” You questioned, raising your voice slightly.

You didn’t plan on getting angry so fast, he just was so oblivious to everything it pissed you off, royally.

Jeff was taken aback. His mouth dropped slightly as he tried to figure out where he went wrong.

“FIRST. You didn’t give me a ride to school with no notice! I had to fucking walk! I was late to class and now I have detention next weekend so thanks!” You stood, now pacing around your room as Jeff took a seat on your bed.

“Baby-” he tried to interrupt.

“I’m not done” You interjected.

You were so upset you missed the completely shocked expression on Jeff’s face. Everything he did wrong in the past two weeks was flooding in all at once.

“Then! You made me eat by myself at lunch when you didn’t tell me you weren’t going to be there!”

“Baby girl-”

“Don’t you dare 'baby girl’ me! Then! You made me walk home! …IT’S AN HOUR WALK JEFF!”

He stood to meet you in all your anger, approaching you slowly.

“You basically ignored me, FOR TWO WEEKS! For fuck sake, Clay saw you more than I did!”

You couldn’t help it. Everything was spiraling in your head and pouring out of your mouth. When Jeff reached you, his hands that normally felt so comforting betrayed him. You wanted nothing more than to scream and yell until he left until he felt the way that you did.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, okay? Please calm down-” he said in the most soothing voice he could figure.

Jeff was scared, to say the least. He had never seen you this angry before.

“CALM. DOWN? YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS!” You screamed back at him pushing against his chest to create some distance between the two of you.

As your voice grew louder, the tears came rolling in again. When they fell down your cheeks Jeff had to fight the urge to wipe them. He felt guilty, he was the sole reason you were so worked up.

“THEN TO TOP IT ALL OFF JEFFREY? YOU FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY!”

Jeff could have sworn he felt his heart stop. He knew he had been forgetting something, he just didn’t know it was you. He couldn’t even stutter out a response, he just stood there taking you in.

“I made three fucking posters for you! And I was there for you! Through all this BULLSHIT! I waited after the game! When you did all your interviews, and you met with all the scouts, and you were fucking around with the boys! I let you do whatever the fuck you needed to! And you left me. On my birthday. FOR A FUCKING PARTY!”

You were sobbing at this point and your voice cracked as you screamed at him.

Jeff had tears at the brims of his eyes as well, he had no idea how much he hurt you in the past two weeks.

“A fucking party Jeff…god, you’re such an asshole.” You mumbled, wiping your tears frantically, hoping that they would stop flowing.

Jeff blinked back the tears his eyes before he approached you again. He stood this time, at least two feet away to give you your space. It was the distance that hurt him the most, normally he couldn’t take his hands off of you. Now, he had to watch his first love cry, because of him, and she was too upset to even let him wipe away her tears.

“I’m sorry” he began.

And before you could interrupt him he continued.

“I- I’m so sorry.” He tripped over his own apology as a few tears fell from his eyes. He wiped them quickly, he knew he wasn’t in the position to get emotional when he was the one who hurt you.

“I was such a dick…and I- I fucked up big time…I don’t even fucking deserve you…” he struggled to find the right words that would make this all go away, but unlike your usual insignificant fights, he knew there wasn’t any combination of words that would fix it.

“Lemme make it up to you” he pleaded.

You crossed your arms over each other. Furious and devastated all at once. You wanted him to stay with you for the rest of the day but you also wanted him to get the hell out of your room.

Jeff slowly closed the gap between you two, grabbing at your waist.

“Please. Y/N. Let me fix it.”

He stared at you, searching your eyes waiting for your answer.

“I’ll beg if I have to” he offered up with a sad smile.

You frowned avoiding his eyes, you and Jeff both knew his puppy dog eyes could get you to do anything.

And so Jeff got onto his knees, his hands still at your waist and you finally looked at him.

“Jeff, get up” you muttered.

“Just give me a chance to fix it.” He countered.

You nodded quickly if only to get him off the ground, and he smiled standing to his feet again. He embraced you in what felt like the tightest hug ever.

“I’m really sorry” he mumbled into your hair.

And when he pulled away he was leaving your room.

“Cancel all your plans today, I’ll be back in an hour, I promise this is going to be the best day of your life!” He rambled as he grabbed his keys from your bed.

“Jeff, I don’t want you to le-” you whined. This was the first time he was paying attention to you in a while.

“One hour. If I’m not back……dump me!” He called out as he left your room door.

You sat on your bed, hearing the rumble of his engine begin, and when the sound of his car left your ears you exhaled and leaned back onto your bed. Hopeful for what was in store.

Home

Originally posted by riverdalebish


Pairing: Zach Dempsey x Reader

Request: “3 - Zach Dempsey”

Prompt:

3. “Home is whenever I’m with you.”

Word count: 1.196

Posted: 12th of May 2017

A/N: It is finally Friday and it means that I am posting many imagines tonight! Here’s a Zach imagine to start, requested by my lovely Aja. I am trying to complete her long list of imagines and I am enjoying it!
Anyway, I hope that you enjoy it and please don’t be afraid to send me some feedbacks, my ask is always open for them, even when you need someone to talk to.
I am so overwhelmed for the requests and I hope to finish them before I start my training period, but I doubt it. I am trying my best to write as many imagines as I can in these days though. I just hope that you love my imagines and you enjoy them. Thank you so much.

P.S.: I am not accepting part 2 requests as I have more than a hundred prompt requests in my ask box. There’s a little bit of chaos in my head right now and I would appreciate if you ask for something else, than staying on the same story lines. Thank you.

- G. x

Link: Prompt list

Warning: a little bit of angst.


“Zach, I’ve made myself clear earlier today,” Your recently ex-boyfriend was revealed by your front door as you decided to open it after several loud deafening and annoying knocks. “I don’t want to see you anymore.” You emotionlessly stated, you still had fresh tear stains on your cheeks as you spent your whole day crying on the couch.

“(Y/N), please let me explain.” Zach worriedly insisted as he knew how much he hurt you, although he didn’t want to and he never meant to do it. “You know that I’ve never wanted to hurt you, right?”

“Zach, you’ve already hurt me.” You shook your head as you bit your lip, trying to stop yourself from crying. You were sure that you were vulnerable, but you wanted to put some barriers between Zach and your heart, he hurt you and you couldn’t just let him in like that again. “I heard you and Marcus, talking about some sort of bet.” You explained and a tight knot was being formed in your stomach by the thought of it. It hurt you and you couldn’t not point it out.

“(Y/N), I am here to explain you what that bet really meant.” You heard in his voice that he was trying to convince you. You were hurt and he knew that you wouldn’t let yourself in that easily.

“Zach, everything’s clear to me now.” Your lips suddenly shook as you tried your best to mask yourself, to be strong. You spent happy days with Zach before and then you would find yourself crying over some stupid issues, that was stressing.

The thing really hurt you: you heard him talking to Marcus about some bet and Marcus mentioned your name, as if they were betting on you. You didn’t expect it, mostly from your boyfriend, because you believed that Zach couldn’t do such thing and he would never do anything to hurt you.

You believed it, until he proved that you were wrong. You were having a very healthy relationship, but then you would realize that he was being a gentleman just because of a stupid and useless bet. What a shame, wasn’t it?

Zach surely cared for you, he showed his love and his interest in you. He would listen to your problems, to your thoughts, to your bland jokes. He would cheer you up, when you needed someone by your side. He would sing you to sleep whenever you felt alone or terrified of your talkative and noisy thoughts at night.

He would do anything for you and he was the perfect one because of those factors, but he just broke your trust, he played with your feelings and, most of all, he made fun of you, together with his friends.

Disappointing, right? How did he have a peaceful mind after all these months? How? You didn’t know and you didn’t even want to know.

“(Y/N), you heard Marcus’ version of things. You never heard mine!” He held your hand, but you quickly pushed him away. You noticed that he looked disappointed and unwanted. He felt rejected, because he thought that you would understand him, that you would show a little bit of your compassion, even after he hurt you.

Zach loved you because you were understanding and you never judged him when he did something wrong. You would always listen to his version of things and you were happy that you were able to talk to him of his mistakes, but in that instance? It was hard for you to listen to him, it was hard because your ears and brain were already stuffed with your negative thoughts of him, with his little white lies.

Maybe you were just jumping into conclusions, maybe Zach wasn’t really betting on you, maybe you were wrong and you felt guilty for eavesdropping, but everything hurt you. You had a heavy weight in your chest and you couldn’t swallow your pride that fast. Unluckily.

“Go home, Zach!” Little tears started running down your face, wetting your still-red and burning cheeks once again. You pushed him away, because you couldn’t stand to hear more lies from him.

“No, I am already home!” Zach protested as he took some steps forward, diminishing the distance between your bodies.

“What are you talking about?” You slightly pushed him away, but he was surely stronger and taller than you. The push didn’t even affect him and you hated him even more for that.

“(Y/N), I am already home because,” He cut himself from speaking when he grabbed your forearm and he insisted on touching your soft and warm hands. “home is whenever I am with you.

By hearing those pleasant and sweet words, you cried him a river as the weight in your chest became lighter and it was easier to deal with it. You were flattered and you felt lucky and loved, because he wasn’t giving up on you. In fact, he was fighting even more, fighting to win you back.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know that I never did anything bad to hurt you.” He pulled you into a tight and warm hug as he noticed how broken and sad you were, letting you to pour your heart out.

You let his muscular arms wrap around your fragile body and you leant your head on his chest, letting him to mend your broken heart, to gather all the broken fragments of your heart.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve heard, but I think that you should listen to my version too.” He caressed your hair and played with it as he rubbed your back. You bit your lip as your tears slowly stained his varsity jacket. “Marcus’ truths aren’t my truths. Are you letting me to explain?”

“No excuses and no sugarcoated lies?” You asked him as you tried to assure yourself that talking to him would worth something.

“No excuses, no sugarcoated lies, just the truth, my truth.” Zach assured you as he pressed his lips on your forehead. “I really love you and I will never hurt you.”

Zach has always been sincere and true to you. He was a gentleman, right? Maybe he was saying the truth or maybe not, but you knew from the bottom of your heart that you loved Zach. No one and nothing could stop you from doing it, because he was your life, the love of your life.

People messes up, but there would always be a second chance for the people that we loved.

“I love you too, Zach,” You finally said after a long and peaceful silence. You realized how important Zach was for you and you couldn’t lose him just like that. “so much.” You added with a smiled and you wrapped your arms around him as he hugged you tighter. You adored the warmth that his body emanated, while he felt lucky and relieved that you gave him a second chance. You were finally thankful to get back home, after a long and tiring day of crying.

After all, Zach was your home too and he would always be the one you would come home to, no matter what happened.