how-much-canned-food-did-these-people-eat

MOTHER FUCKING MORNING SHIFT GOD DAMN WHY'D THEY SCHEDULE ME FOR THIS SHIFT I HAVE A COLON CONDITION I POOP HEAVILY IN THE MORNING YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLY HELPFUL AT SETTING UP A BUFFET? THE GUY POOPING ALL MORNING. SHIT. THEN I GOTTA DEAL WITH THE OLD FOLKS. GOING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BUFFET. WHAT THE FUCK OLD MAN JENKINS THERE'S PLATES AND TONGS ON THE OTHER SIDE WHY WOULD YOU GO THAT WAY DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY I CAN CONTACT TO TAKE YOU HOME BECAUSE I'M SURE A 1,000 YEAR OLD WHITE DUDE DOESN'T WILLINGLY COME TO WATCH A DRAG SHOW WHILE ENJOYING THE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL SPEAKING IF WHICH HOW THE FUCK DOES A BUFFET GO WITH A DRAG SHOW THESE QUEENS WORK HARD TO LOOK AS GOOD AND FABULOUS AS THEY DO AND WE'RE MAKING THEM DANCE FOR WRINKLY PRUNES AND GROSS PEOPLE WHO'VE DONE PROBABLY 7 TRIPS AROUND THE BUFFET YEAH I KNOW YOU PAID FOR AS MUCH FOOD AS YOU CAN EAT BUT SO DID EVERYONE ELSE WE DON'T HAVE INFINITE FOOD CALM DOWN ON THE FUCKING BACON SHIT.

I’m very sleepy.

(A letter arrives for Phoibe)

“hi phoibee it’s beowulf dead see helped me rite this as foor sume reesin you did not get my flours flowers or presants maybe the courier stole them i dont know.  anyway how are you nelson is good thogh we do not get much food but that is okay as i can just eat people if things get very bad. i put an a dress on the back for you to rite back also! see u soon lov beowulf (There are various scribbly kisses at the bottom of the letter)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phoibe looked at the letter she was not the best reader or writer herself, and had trouble making it all out. When she went to write her response she had asked Swank for help, embarrassed she could not write it herself.  

Dear Beowulf,

I am doing well, working on the Strip keeps me busy along with Vitus but I enjoy it none the less. It is good to hear from you and to hear your okay, I worry for you at times. Sorry to hear about the food shortage at Nelson, I’m sure Dead Sea will sort it out though, he always seems determined to keep that place running. Will write again when I can.

Love,

Phoibe Tides

Good Morning!!! When you fuel the body you fuel the mind. Eating your five a day of fruit and vegetables gives your body its best chance to really affirm all of the mental self improvement you are working on. If you are telling yourself “I’m never going to be skinny” it doesn’t matter how much good food you eat. The reverse is true too. “I want to be skinny” paired with fast food every day doesn’t work either. I am living proof of those scenarios. But after four kids and countless hours helping other people get healthy I had my epiphany three years ago when I looked in the mirror and said “when did MY health stop mattering?” Take care of yourself first. You have to wearing oxygen to land the plane. I will always be a work in progress. We all are. But what I can tell you is since I started caring for myself intentionally, I have noticed huge shifts in EVERY aspect of our family’s life together. And the time spent showing my kids how to completely fuel themselves for full lives is priceless. #homeschooled #TGIF #domesticdiva

This is a photo of my mum the day she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is also the day she drank her first-ever fresh juice. I am so proud of her that she was determined to heal her cancer and is cancer free to this day 3 years later. Happy Mother’s Day to an inspiring and powerful woman. Although my upbringing has been tumultuous, I am so grateful that my mum did the best she could, and my sister @travelwithpapino and I have learned valuable lessons to make us more loving and unstoppable people. Mum is now battling severe depression and I pray everyday she will make it through. She has had a rough life and we are not always taught how to deal with trauma although one thing we know for sure is that when we nourish our body with nutrition everyday we can’t help but feel a better. My mum taught me so much about eating real foods and living a natural life since I was born. I grew up eating whole foods and taking avocados to school for lunch. #happymothersday #cancerfree This photo is in my book #theearthdiet #breastcancer

Quest #3: Pad Thai

In my opinion, the greatest dish we’ve ever made.

Pad Thai is a very national dish of Thailand, and as such there are uncountably many variations. To me, this dish did not seem at all like Pad Thai because I imagine a peanut sauce, but none of that matters. None of that matters so long as I can have another spoonful.

Pro-tip: If you’re sharing, just know that people can’t stop eating it. No matter how much you make, if you share you’re only getting one serving. If you do decide to share, double the recipe at least. 

The key to getting this dish right is to balance out the flavors. The sour of tamarind and lime, sweetness of brown sugar, saltiness of soy sauce, and spiciness of sriracha sauce all must be blended to your tastes. Take the recipe as guidelines, but don’t rely on their proportions. Taste the sauce until it tastes good. I prefer it sweet, so more brown sugar. You might want to leave it on low heat when testing so that you can add ingredients easily. People can add the lime, cilantro, and sriracha later to suit their tastes.

Having trouble finding tamarind? I suspect you can get them in most asian grocery stores. I haven’t checked Publix/Kroger/what-have-you, but if it’s big enough maybe you can find it there too. As for myself, I found it in the strange land known as Sahara Mart, shop of the imported boxes, fresh cheese, and stale fruit. Recently, I did happen to see the fruit itself in the super-deluxe Kroger, but I wouldn’t count on that. You’re better of getting the paste anyway.

It takes about ¼ per iteration of this dish.

Fresh bean sprouts (not canned) may be tricky to find. I got a fresh bag from a small Asian grocery, and they added a really important texture to the dish. The egg goes pretty quickly, so you can add more. Don’t forget to add peanuts on top because that adds a really nice taste. If you are a college cheapo student like me, then you can put them in layers of plastic sandwich bags and smash ‘em up with a can. Boom boom boom.

Recipe followed.

-Professor Sage

I voted for the Green Party in yesterday’s general election, despite knowing that they were not going to achieve much success at the national or even local level. So why did I do it? Because every person who votes for the Green Party will increase their legitimacy, and instigate change slowly but surely. The same goes for being ‘green’ with your food. First you start buying organic, then those around you start to appreciate how much better the food is. Then they start buying it, and you see where I’m going with this! I don’t know if our current world population will be able to survive without mass production, low grade food, but I hope we can start to get as few people eating it as possible. #GE2015 #politics #greenparty #nutrition #greenfood #green #sofresh #sogreen #organic #plants #plantbased #nutrition #paleo #paleoish #paleoliving #fitterfood #fitfam #fitstagram #change #smallchange #bigresults #progression #blog #blogger #blogging

Mexico DF

We got back from Mexico City last week, but it still has our hearts. See how mushy it makes me? It’s full of fantastic food, friendly urbane people, lush parks, fascinating art and history, and 8 million ways to have a good time. I’m going to share with you what I did - and I can’t think of why I’ve never done this for my previous travels. I’m an obsessive researcher and have boundless enthusiasm, so might as well document it. 

Our vacation priorities are always to walk as much as we can, eat the best things, take it easy when we need to, and try to get a sense of why the people who live there love it. So a pretty bougie approach, but highly enjoyable. Below are some of my recommendations, as well as a list of what we’ll be trying next time. Because, oh yes, there WILL be a next time. Soon.

To stay:

We stayed at Condesa DF, because years of business travel have taught me that I like non-chain design hotels that are in neighborhoods where folks actually live, rather than in city centers. Condesa was in - shocker - La Condesa, a beautiful leafy neighborhood with just enough bustle. I read comparisons to the West Village, and that seemed apt. We got a deal on the hotel - it’s not cheap - but really enjoyed how comfortable and sleek it was. We like to rest up in the later afternoons before dinner, and to come back to our room and have a drink or two before bed. Condesa’s rooms have big picture windows you can open for air, and we spent hours drinking tequila from the minibar and looking out people walking past. 

A note on transit: we took Ubers everywhere, because they’re safe and convenient, and give you bottles of water. I think this is the first time I’ve traveled somewhere with unsafe tap water that I wasn’t desperately dehydrated the entire time.  Thank you, Uber drivers of DF.

Also, this trip is the first one that I researched on Instagram. I poked around on hashtags and looked up some of the restaurants I wanted to visit to get a sense of who might have an account I’d want to follow. Totally recommended. 

To eat:

Limosneros - We came here for lunch and had our favorite meal of the trip, by far. Salsa made on a copper tray tableside, wonderful service, beautiful restaurant, inventive food.

Pujol - It was fun to splash out on a fancy meal, and the elegant atmosphere was a nice treat. The food was tasty and exciting, but the fact that we had loved our lunch at Limosneros earlier in the day may have been the reason we didn’t fall in love.

Azul Condesa - We ate lunch here after touring Teotihuacan, and its lovely garden was delightful after getting hot, sweaty and hungry. The food was all tasty, and it was fun to watch the powerlunchers around us.

Cate de mi Corazon - I found out about this wee place on a vegetarian travel blog, and it was awesome for Mike to be able to eat everything on the menu - it’s all veggie or vegan. We sat outside for dinner, facing a busy intersection and people watching, sipping tequila and eating tacos. They had my favorite tequila service - tiny enamel cups with lime juice, tequila, and fresh sangrita.

Condesa DF - We didn’t order from the menu at all, just stuffed ourselves on the brunch buffet, a gorgeous spread of beautiful fruit (creamy mango, low-acid sweet pineapple) and protein (Greek yogurt, hardboiled eggs). I was in heaven.

San Angel Inn - We stopped here for a late lunch, and it was quite the classy place. A huge beautiful building with a blooming courtyard and room after room of dark wood and velvet. While we waited for a table we sat near three older couples celebrating various impressive anniversaries (48 years was the winner, I think). We chatted with them over fantastic margaritas. We wound up at tables near each other, and Mike thought to send over tequila for all of them. They not only cheersed us, they came over to hold our hands and give us good wishes. We even got sweet little kisses on the cheek from the oldest lady. It was absolutely delightful.

To drink:

We passed a few hours at the rooftop bar at our hotel, which was quite a scene, as was the ground-floor bar and restaurant after dark, though not as busy as the roof.

We spent a very boozy night sitting at a table outside of La Botica, talking with the waiter (I speak Spanish pretty well, and Mike can understand it) and drinking the mezcals he recommended. I sipped straight tequila or mezcal most of the trip, served two ways: with orange slices dashed with chile powder, or served in a row between tiny glasses of lime juice and sangrita, a spicy orange tomato juice.

We also walked Tamaulipas and popped in at places that caught our fancy. I’m sure there are many neighborhoods where we could have done this, but La Condesa and Roma win in my book.

To do:

We strolled Avenida Amsterdam and other streets near the Parque Mexico - the treelined central walkway was a nice way to pass the time and people watch. There are also lovely outdoor cafes along the way.

We hired a fantastic guide to take us through Teotihuacan outside the city. Hector was a font of information about the various civilizations that have lived in the area, and helped us imagine what the city must have been like at its peak.

Tenochtitlan, in the center of the city, is a very ruined ruin - next time we may hire Hector to take us through. But we thought it was valuable nonetheless.

The Museo Nacional de Anropologia was absolutely stunning, and a great followup to our time at Tenochtitlan and Teotihuacan.

The Blue House, the family home of Frida Kahlo that she shared with Diego Rivera, is fascinating and gorgeous. The line was long but moved quickly, and I’m so glad we went. To see my own face in the mirror that Frida used for her self portraits took my breath away.

For next time:

I’d like to stay at the Red Tree House, which came highly recommended but was closed for renovations when we were in town.

We didn’t eat at Contramar, Maximo Bistrot, El Califa, and Tacos Hola. I have a Google doc full of other recommendations, but those were the highest on my list.

I’d like to get a meal or drink at Romita, which looked absolutely gorgeous from the street.

Common People in Polanco is supposed to be a big treasure chest of a shop.

We plan to spend more time in Bosque de Chapultepec, walking or running, exploring the leafy expanses and the castle.

I also hope we’ll dig into more cultural offerings, like ballet folklorico and some of the many art museums and galleries.

A final note on that very messy but expansive Google Doc with info I gathered from blogs and personal recommendations; drop me a line if you’d like access to it.