but wait. wait hang on. i know i’m not happy right now because i’m hurt. i mean physically. i mean the burn is obvious, a big red angry kiss on my hand. and you don’t have to be happy if you’re hurt.

but wait. come on wait. somewhere in here, one day, do i figure out that it doesn’t have to be my skin that’s hurting. that it’s okay. that sometimes i can’t even really tell that the hurt is bad, or where the hurt is, or even if it exists. but that i am hurting in a permanent, forever kind of way. some part of me will always be burning, some transmitters will always forget to turn on the lights. it’s okay. why aren’t you happy?

you asshole, i say to myself. you’re in pain. 

why aren’t you happy? because you can’t be right now. maybe you never get big happy; and maybe that’s okay because you still get the small moments. but that starlight fantasy of weeks and weeks of happy is elusive. something is stopping you from it. after a while the ache will fade into the background or you’ll learn to live with it, but we both know tonight when there’s nothing to distract you, you’ll remember to notice it. it’s okay. if you grit your teeth you live through it.

now the hard part. to grit your teeth and live through it.

being told ur lazy and also having depression is confusing sometimes bc when u dont feel like doing anything u don’t know if ur being lazy or ur just depressed

Fate In The Heavens: Part Three

As always I would appreciate any comments. They are what helps me to keep the story going as they motivate me. I would appreciate your thoughts on the story so far. It would make me very happy.

Tagging: @carinecaldre69 @nitelotus @kiniloves @smoreseater @honeybeelily @sunflowerblackrabbit @bluewolf8158

When this chapter reaches around 30-40 notes I’ll start working on the next one otherwise I’ll start the next chapter when I feel ready.


I once again stood before the King in the throne room; the twelve gods also present.

“Now that you have spent some time among the gods how do you feel?” The King looked at me inquisitively.

How did I feel? I didn’t even know myself… “It is all very different. It will take some time for me to adjust.” I give a short reply and the a small smile forms on the Kings lips, “I see you have already tried using your powers.” He looked at me knowingly and my body shuddered.

Nervously my eyes darted about, “Yes. I had to see for myself but things didn’t go as I hoped.”

The King started to chuckle lightly, “Indeed. It was amusing nonetheless. I didn’t think it would take seventeen glasses before you realized.”

What? I was dumbstruck by the Kings sudden change in attitude. He didn’t look anything like a King with the way he was laughing and carrying on. Even the gods looked uncomfortable; some fidgeting while others looked like they were so done with the King.

“Elli.” The King’ powerful voice suddenly echoed throughout the room, his previous cheerful expression was all but gone. “Y-Yes?!” I flinched under his commanding tone and stood to attention.

“You will no longer go by the name of Elli Levaincois.”

“What do you mean? Are you even taking my name away?!” My eyes went wide, I was in shock. Just what was going to happen?

The King continued, “You will now be know as Elli Dawn- for you will be the Light of Dawn. A single faint light sprouted from the darkness.”

My whole body shook in surprise, “The Light of Dawn? I don’t understand…”

“You need not understand the meaning behind. For you to throw away your past life you also must along with it throw away your past name.” The King uttered, leaving me no room to talk back.

“I understand.” I should at least be grateful my first name remained unchanged. “Elli.” The Kings voice forced my attention once more, “That is not all,” he said, turning his gazed between the twelve gods, “You are to pick one of the twelve gods in this room and they will become your mentor. They will help guide you and ease you into using your powers and discovering your hidden ability.”

“Hidden ability? I don’t understand…” I was at a loss what he meant by this. I understood the powers they use by snapping their fingers but nothing about this “hidden ability”.

The King looked at me with a kind smile, “You will know in time. All twelve gods in this room have an ability of their own and you, being my daughter, also have a special ability that you will discover.”

I glanced between the twelve gods. (So they all have some kind of special ability?) I wondered what they were.

“Now choose. Which god do you favor?”

Which god… I looked closely at them all. Each god has a different way of holding themselves; some looked confident others looked carefree and kind while others looked disinterested and like this was only a bother.

My eyes turned to one particular god (He was the very first god I met. He is quite harsh and mildly scary. He is probably the last god I would want to watch over me.) I could only imagine all the lectures he might give me as he had already scolded me several times since I first arrived- and that wasn’t even that long ago!

“Zyglavis is-!”

“So you are going with Zyglavis? The strict Minister of Punishments? Very well.” The King, my father, waved Zyglavis forward.

“Huh? What. No.” I quickly object but the King simply ignores it. (Nooo! I shouldn’t have whispered his name…) Now it seemed like I would be stuck with that uptight minister. I could do nothing but sigh and watch.

“Zyglavis. You are to watch over my daughter and see to her safety. I entrust her care to you. See to it she becomes a fine upstanding goddess.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Zyglavis bows before the King.

“Elli.” The King turns his eyes to me, “You will be spending a lot of time together, do get along- or not. It might be amusing to watch you bicker.” The King chuckles and Zyglavis and I both give way to a frown. He then continues, “Do not worry, my child. I know you will eventually come to terms with your new life. I will be here watching over you and monitoring your progress. I know you have a strong heart.” The King smiled.

(How does he know what I am like? …Unless he has watched over me my whole life.) Thinking that makes me curious to learn more about my father but I knew now was not the time to ask about his past.

Then something came to mind, something that was bothering me earlier, “Your Highness, what exactly will my role be in the heavens? On Earth I was to be Queen but here… What am I?”

My sudden question seemed to trouble the King but he quickly brushed it off and looked at me with a guarded expression, “You are simply my daughter and nothing more. You can be no more than that.”

(What? That is all…? Is my life meaningless now?) I didn’t understand what was the point of me living in the heavens and learning to control my powers if all I ever would be doing is remaining in the palace as his daughter with no real purpose?

“Zyglavis.” The King looked at him with a serious expression, “I leave her in your hands.” That was all the King said before vanishing from the room.

The other gods started to disperse from the room, I could hear their confusion and some even felt pity for me as they left. I knew why. No one could understand why I chose Zyglavis, not even myself.

“Elli Dawn. Do not cause me any trouble. Is that clear.” Zyglavis looked at me with a strict expression. I immediately straightened up and nodded, “Yes, of course.” Though I say that I didn’t know how I would get along with this man and his overbearing, nonsense attitude.

“Come. I have things of importance to discuss with you.” Zyglavis said, motioning with his hand for me to follow. He started to march off in perfect posture and I did my best to follow after him.

Zyglavis led me to what was… “Your bedroom?” I was standing before his bedroom. Zyglavis stood before his door, frowning. “Yes. This is my bedroom.” He sternly replied, opening his door.

“You dare take a lady to your bedroom? Why the nerve!” I was always taught to never enter a mans bedroom alone when you don’t know them well. Zyglavis froze at his doorway and looked around with his eyebrows knitted and the whites of his teeth barely showing, “Do not get the wrong Idea. I am not interested in you in any way. I am simply taking you here so we can talk, that is all.” Zyglavis huffs, turns back around and walks into his room looking annoyed.

(I guess nothing can be done about that.) I shrug my shoulders and enter his room. No sooner do I enter do I notice how immaculate and perfect his room was; nothing was out of place, he even had his books ordered by colors and sizes. (This room is perfect for someone like him.) He really was a perfectionist, much to my dismay.

“You may sit on my bed.” Zyglavis gestures towards his bed. I follow and sit down on the edge of his bed. Zyglavis looks at me and prepares to speak, “What I need to discuss with you is about what was mentioned earlier.”

“You mean about me being the Kings daughter and nothing more?” I could feel my heart speeding up as I anxiously awaited to know more. Zyglavis nods, “Yes. What I am about to say will reveal to you why the King acted as he did. This is not something to be taken lightly.” Zyglavis pauses for a moment, his brows furrow as he grows ever more serious, “Are you ready to hear what I have to say?”

Was I really ready to know what had the King so bothered? Was I ready for the truth? For some reason my chest squeezed painfully as my body froze for just a moment as I struggled to process everything.

Finally, I took a deep breathe, resolve in my eyes as I looked firmly at Zyglavis and say, “I am ready.”

Seriously though, how do so many people have so few likes? I’m genuinely confused. How do posts get so many likes and yet everyone has so few to their name? I’m obviously missing something here.

Why do people ‘clean’ their likes? What does that even mean? 

The curiosity is killing me. 

Generated Match - Bucky Barnes Notice

I have finally made up my mind on what to do with A Generated Match. I wasn’t too happy with how it was going, like it wasn’t what I had first planned, and I have just left it sitting. So thinking on it, I have finally decided to delete what have so far of the story and rewrite all of it. I do not want to just abandon the story because I was really excited to write it when I first got the idea. I just needed to make a few alterations to it. 

I am going to go by the Marvel Tag list that I have. Please let me know if you would like to stay on or be excluded from this, or even added to the tag list. Synopsis below: 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC (Mackenzie Shaw)

Rating: Mature - Explicit

Genre: romance, action, smut, AU, angst (because I can’t write anything without angst) 

Summary: Hydra is an underground gang operation with a hand in drugs, arms dealings, and more. Bucky Barnes and others apart of SHIELD task force code name Avengers are tasked with taking down Hydra.
One mission, Bucky is close to taking down one of Hydra’s leaders when an unforeseen complication arises in the form of Mackenzie Shaw who has unknowingly gotten involved with the Hydra leader. Now Bucky must find a way to get close to Mackenzie to protect both her and her daughter.
Now Mackenzie has found herself in the middle of a war. Both of law and the heart.

Tag list:

@jellyjohny, @happily-beinghappy, @hymnofthevalkyries, @paranoiadestroyah, @megamurdermystery, @proud2beakpoper, @blackwidwoah, @learisa, @iamwarrenspeace, @fuck-my-addiction, @civilwarkilledme, @4theluvofall, @petals-overdaisies, @avengerofyourheart, @marvelingatthewonder, @just-a-little-bean, @the-one-and-only-vampcake, @barnesandrogery, @thinking-at-dusk, @shamvictoria11, @nickicee83, @mrshiddelston, @nalatheblacklion, @cojootromuelle, @wishonflowers, @heismyhunter, @tivadoubled, @idorkish, @neverabbreviatedoctor, @knittingknerdy, @lbouvet

Le Musique

read it on the AO3 at

by Chimpukampu

Marinette was scouted to cover Jagged Stone’s music video, but what would happen if she’ll play there as ‘Ladybug’?

And for some twist of fate, Adrien was scouted as 'Chat Noir’?

Words: 2678, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

September 28, 2016 at 01:56PM
read it on the AO3 at

Tagged by @thatsoneginger!

- How old are you?
34 and a half.

- Current job/Dream job?
Unemployed librarian; artist/translator

- What are you talented at?
Writing, doodling procrastinating

- What’s a big goal you are working towards?
Finishing a couple of long WIPs and getting better at colouring

- What is your aesthetic?
Comfy chair, light dress/fluffy plaid (depending on the season), good food, good company, I suppose?

- Do you collect anything?
Notebooks. It’s not a collection so much as I never can get enough, even if I don’t actually use them.

- What’s a topic you are always up to talk about?
Feminism and whatever work of fiction currently has a hold of my heart. (Sherlock Holmes, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter are the three that do most often.)

- What’s a pet peeve of yours?
Fanfiction authors who have foreign characters not use contractions in English even though they do in the original work. Seriously, folks, not all French people talk like Hercule Poirot.

- Good advice to give?
Forgive yourself for the perceived flaws you forgive in other people.

- Recommend three songs

Radical Face, Welcome Home
Nina Simone, I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free
Étienne Daho & Dani, Comme un boomerang

I tag @radarsteddybear, @fantasiawandering, @rose-of-pollux, @flo-nelja, @truxi-twice, @eighteenbelow, and @toooldforthisbutstill!

Le Musique

Bonjour, miraculers!
A new fanfiction has been added at Archive of Our Own (ao3)! Quelle chance!

read it on AO3 at

by Chimpukampu

Marinette was scouted to cover Jagged Stone’s music video, but what would happen if she’ll play there as ‘Ladybug’?

And for some twist of fate, Adrien was scouted as 'Chat Noir’?

Words: 2678, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

read it on AO3 at

anonymous asked:

Okay so I've only recently started following you but I thought I'd drop by and say that your blog is so amazing!!!! And your art work is just so perfect???????? How???? 11/10 perfect blog ✨✨

!!!! Oh my you’re such a sweet anon aaaaaaaa///// thank you so so so so sooo much!!!! I’m so happy that you like my blog, and I’m even happier that you like my art! ❤❤❤ I hope this blog can continue to be pleasing for you, and if there’s anything ever that you don’t wanna see and you need me to tag it, just say so, alright? Again, thank you so so much!!! I really do have the cutest followers eheheh

Originally posted by officialusuniki

anonymous asked:

I was reading your posts about woy episodes and, I'm glad to know i'm not the only one who is uncomfortable with The Helper, I struggled to watch the whole thing, even though there's nothing wrong with the plot I guess, it just. painfully highlights Wander's flaws even though those are already well shown in other episodes? idk it just makes me feel bad. (also I kinda get how you feel about the nice guy, it's the funniest episode to me and still has its sweet moments, woy is really something else

Hmmmm you’ve got a point. See, the Helper kinda bothers me because it seemed a little…OOC? Like, yeah, we know that Wander thrives off of helping people, but we’ve seen him take it easy, take a break and not help people at every given moment. And Sylvia seemed strangely obvious, and dare I say uncaring abt Wander’s plight, even though she’s been shown to read Wander pretty well?? 

Idk, like I know with the Helper, there was guest writer/animator doing it, so I shouldn’t be too judge-y that

idk maybe it’s just me, or the type of show that woy generally is, but seeing really mean episodes with no satisfying resolution just kinda make me feel off

Le Musique

read it on the AO3 at

by Chimpukampu

Marinette was scouted to cover Jagged Stone’s music video, but what would happen if she’ll play there as ‘Ladybug’?

And for some twist of fate, Adrien was scouted as 'Chat Noir’?

Words: 2678, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

September 28, 2016 at 01:56PM
read it on the AO3 at

anonymous asked:

All I do is get drunk, find a guy to fuck, go home, take a shit load of klonopin, and pass out. I'm still cutting myself. I've been in a hospital, 2463578424 counsellors and psychiatrists, I've even tried church, yoga, exercise, and loads of medication. Nothing is making this anxiety better. Any suggestions?

This has been sitting in my inbox for so long, I just genuinely don’t know what to say or how to help you - I am so so so sorry

(I do have a self harm tag and an anxiety tag - maybe there is something in those posts/masterposts that can help you)

If anyone has advice for anon please comment or send it through!

I just thought I’d upload this here even though I don’t normally upload my original characters here because I’m just so proud of how this turned out and I think this deserves it.

This character’s name is Phineas Terrence. I’d say more, but I haven’t properly introduced him yet and it would be out of place to do so in a Tumblr post, of all things.

I'm not a saint but do I have to be?

read it on the AO3 at

by ecstasin

Phil’s very serious about his role as a prefect and Dan just wants his attention (and some fun).

Words: 8706, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

read it on the AO3 at

Thanks for the tag @elirod91 :)

Answer Everything 

Tag at least 5 people
Use the tag #cherrysbookwormtag

About me

1. What’s your name? Silvia
2. Your eye color? Brown
3. Your natural hair color? Blonde
4. Your current hair color? Blonde
5. Where do you live? Sydney, Australia
6. Do you have pets? no :(
7. Fav song at the time? Closer by the Chainsmokers even though I didn’t like it when it first came out

About books!

1. Fav book of all time? How do you just pick one?!! ‘Gone with the wind,’ ‘Maybe Someday,’ ‘Since you’ve been gone,’ ‘Picture of Dorain Gray,’ ‘Carry On’ and so many others that I can’t think of at the moment
2. Fav book series? Harry Potter series by J K Rowling & The Pendergast series by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child
3. Explain why you love books in three words: escape from reality 
4. Favourite fictional character (female)? Hermione Granger
5. Favorite fictional character (male)? Agent Pendergast
6. Favorite fictional character (anything else)? Dobby
7. A book that broke your heart: ‘Second Chance Summer,’ ‘Flowers for Algernon’ & ‘13 reasons why’
8. A book everyone loves but you don’t: Hunger games trilogy
9. Fav genre? all of them? lol except maybe scifi
11. Currently reading? ‘Middlemarch,’ ‘Madame Bovary,’ some Quintis fanfics and about to start ‘Am I normal yet’ coz I don’t know how to read just 1 book at a time
12. How long is your TBR list? too long :D


1. Chocolate or chips/crisps? Chips

2. The book or the movie? Usually the book but sometimes the movie

3. Reading a book or hearing an audio book? I’ve never listened to a book so reading.

4. TV or YouTube? YouTube

5. Smartphone or laptop? Laptop coz my smartphone is the worst and I need a new one

6. Hardcover or paperback? Paperback

Tagging @the-impossible-sasstronaut @scribeshan @palirt @raredelightfulloveoak and @livingwithashipname if they would like to do it :)

A story from the line at McDonald's
  • Me:okay so my sexuality's a complicated deal so let's just call me queer as hell
  • Friend:nono I wanna know can't you explain it
  • Me:well ok mainly I am asexual which means I don't want to do the do nor do I long for it, so it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or anything like that, I simply don't find anyone sexually attractive
  • Friend:right right
  • Me:but I'm also bi romantic. The sexual and romantic attraction are different, and I still fall in love and want to have physical contact with my partner, I just don't need the hanky panky
  • Friend:right cause you have a girlfriend that's pansexual right
  • Me:exactly and as long as we're both happy with not doing the rumba naked, that's a valid relationship
  • Friend:I get it, I get it... I didn't know the entire sexual and romantic orientations were different
  • Me:yeah I know it was an eyeopener for me when I found ou-
  • Lady behind us in line:excuse me so sorry but I couldn't help but overhear but I didn't know half of what you just said and I was just wondering what that thing your girlfriend was is, pansexual?
  • Me:*awkward glance at friend* oh uh I'm not an expert or anything and uh ok so basically it's similar to being bisexual, but there's less value in what gender the one you're attracted to is, at least as I understood it. So a bisexual would be attracted to a person despite their gender, a pansexual wouldn't really care at all in a way uh I'm sorry I'm bad at explaining
  • Lady behind us in line:that's alright I can look it up myself later you gave me a general idea! So where did you find out these things, you're pretty young?
  • Me:well, Internet. Once you're a bit confused about what you might be you usually go looking for explanations...
  • Lady behind us in line:so uh in theory... It's fine if you don't know, I just want to check with you... Is there a thing called aROMANTIC? like you're asexual, is there a equivalent to the romantic orientation you mentioned?
  • Me:oh yeah, absolutely! You can be both asexual and aromantic, or aromantic and heterosexual, literally all combinations are possible!
  • Lady behind us in line:*smiles LIKE REALLY GODDAMNED GENUINELY* thank you so much, I did not know that. *fishes up phone from pocket* now if you excuse me, I'm going to call my mother and tell her I'm not crazy for never having been married or stayed with one guy for long despite being 50+ but still has three children! *steps out of line and walks off while dialing*
  • Friend:wow that was... Amazing
  • Me:see how happy she got? That's the power of right information.
  • And that's why I've been smiling since this happened.