how-did-i-get-myself-into-this

anonymous asked:

Tonight I sang at a party and bombed really really bad. I can't stop thinking about how I embarrassed myself in front of everyone. I keep thinking, I don't mind that I failed. But why did I have to fail in front of everyone? How can I get over this embarrassment and stop beating myself up over a seemingly petty thing?

Aw I’m sorry! I don’t think I would be courageous enough to sing in front of a bunch of people, so at least give yourself credit for that. You did something brave. 

While that moment may have been embarrassing, it no longer exists. Whatever you are experiencing now isn’t real–it is the mind. 

The past is a ghost and the future is a demon, neither of which truly exist. You cannot change the ghost and you cannot fight the demon. All you can do is become present and then both cease to exist. 

The past cannot be changed by thinking more about the past. You cannot fight the past on the level of the past. Only from being rooted here and now can you digest the past properly. 

Here’s how:

  • Focus on the feeling of embarrassment. 
    • Where do you feel it in your body?
      • Is it a heat in your face? 
      • A flutter in your chest?
      • A weakness in your knees?
    • Examine the quality and location of the sensation. 
  • Don’t pay attention to your thoughts about the embarrassment. 
    • Don’t focus about the story. Don’t ask questions such as “Why me? Why did this happen?” etc. 
    • Even if thoughts arise, don’t entangle yourself in them by judging and analyzing. 
  • Keep shifting your focus and attention to the feeling of embarrassment in your body. 
    • Don’t try to change the feeling. 
    • Don’t push it away. 
    • Just feel it. Don’t be afraid to feel it. 
  • Be patient and just be with the feelings. Breathe. 
    • Remember: don’t get sucked into the mental stories!
  • A moment will come in which you can let go of the embarrassment. 
    • Take it. Let go. 
  • You may have to practice this and let go over and over. 
    • It is a growing process. Be persistent. 
    • Each time you let go and the feeling returns, it returns in a weaker form and you are stronger.

The above is your main obstacle. You had an unpleasant experience, you haven’t digested it, and so you’ve taken an imprint of it into your mind-body. That imprint is made of mental/psychological time (dwelling on the past) and emotional pain (embarrassment). The mental time keeps you in a loop of dwelling on the past. The emotional pain propagates the suffering. By doing the above practice, you can disable both. 

Lastly, I think it’s important for you to contemplate the meaning of failure. Is singing–or art in general–about success or failure? If you ask me, art is about expression, space for growth, and opportunity to see things in new ways. 

To make something like singing into being about looking good in front of other people is to make it into an ego practice. Be humble and stop beating yourself up. You did something I wouldn’t be brave enough to feel comfortable doing. Don’t let this experience be something that keeps you from getting up there and doing it again if you so desire. 

Big hugs. 

Namaste :)

*Aaron and Robert appear on screen as I watch tv with my family*

me on the outside:
me on the inside: omg robron look at them they’re such domesticated husbands eating tea that they’ve cooked in their home together as they huddle and mutter at each other whilst developing soft vs furious parent status OH MY GOD THE RING I SEE THE RING they’re actually getting married wtf how did we get here this is so glorious I’m screaming let me get out of here before I expose myself.

Hahaha. Literally haven’t heard a single young person who hasn’t said at least once that they wanna move out. And my dietary requirements are none of ur beeswax . Just go on youtube and watch all the young vegan youtubers who eat raw and live on their own … like i wouldn’t even eat raw. Lol. SHAME ON MILLY SHE CARES ABT THE ANIMALS. I could easily be vegan on my own. Go suck your own sweaty wiener . “Art wanna-be career” do you know how many times people say this to me? Oh dear. Sorry hun but did you get featured on i-D magazine online for your art ? (Just sayin). U sound jealous and you inspire me to prove your dumb ass even more wrong. I am working as a cleaner right now and earning money myself.its not like im just sitting around screaming & demanding off my parents . I am making shit happen with my life whilst ur just crawling around being a cunt like a cockroach. Grow up

I kno not to give these slimy people attention but .. just to show some of the shit people send me. Ya kno. Fantastic.

vimeo

What did I do with my evening? make a 30 second fanvideo.

Not very good. I’m just screwing around to remind myself of how Sony Vegas works. It’s been a while.

The song is the “Stay Alive” interlude from the Hamilton Mixtape. Which just… sounds epic.

Loaded to Vimeo instead of youtube because legit every song off this album that goes on youtube gets muted in like under 10 seconds. I don’t even want to tempt fate. even with a 30sec. video.


@myheartofvibranium may enjoy this. I swear your one to Heartless is coming. I promise.

So, I saw my art being reblogged on my dash again and my initial reaction was “whoa that looks familiar” and then “oh shit it’s mine” i stared at it for a couple more seconds and i was like “fuck how did i do this. How did i make that rain. I couldn’t have done this.” Instead of getting motivated to art more, I made myself insecure of… myself. Lmao

like real talk tho I hate school so much rn and the only thing that’s even remotely keeping me going is pure spite. like I absolutely refuse to drop out after accumulating this much OSAP debt and going through this much hell with the administration and the unbearable whiteness and richness of this school. I am not going to render all of that worthless. but fuck, I don’t know how to fucking finish the term. I don’t know how to get everything done. I don’t know how to succeed. I’ve always pulled it off in the end but this time….man I really don’t know. in the two courses for which I have exams, I did literally one reading per course all term. I have completely and utterly fucked myself over. 

I have three overdue essays, two more essays due in the next few days, and the exams, for which I haven’t even begun to do the readings. like how do I get through this?? how do I pull myself through? it’s so bad that I keep shutting down instead of working on anything. and I know I’m fucking myself over with that but how do I even begin? it’s like. it’s too fucking late to do well, and I don’t know how to do anything but do well. and this is my last year, the one that matters. I need to keep my grades in the A range and I always have but now, just when it finally matters I’m gonna fuck it all up. there isn’t any time. but I have to do it and I have to graduate on time and I can’t fail anything. I have to get through: walk the walk. show em how it’s done. you know, lovelace style: be a big girl and don’t die. lmao but look how well that’s going i guess. 

like. I don’t care at all about my material anymore. I don’t find any joy in it. that makes it impossible for me to do. I can’t self-motivate to begin with, and when I’m bored? forget it. even panic isn’t doing it this time. I need discipline, but I am inherently undisciplined. can’t self motivate, can’t self regulate, was only able to hyperfocus my way through life before because I had some love, some connection to the work. now I have nothing. there’s nothing keeping me except the need to FINISH. to just MAKE IT THROUGH. I need to get to that stage. I need to hold that diploma. I need to refuse to shake the university head’s hand because fuck that racist piece of shit and everything for which he stands. that’s it. that’s why I’m here. to spite him. to beat him in this small fucking way. to not let the exhaustion of this place take away the only thing that matters anymore: getting my degree so I can move the fuck on. I need to win. I need to be free of this place. I need to start my real goddamn life. I have so much to do but having that degree will help me to live, so I’m gonna fucking get it. and then I’m never looking back. never gonna donate to this place, never gonna come back for any honorary doctorate they may one day offer. if anyone asks me about how it is here, I’ll tell them I wish the place were erased from all history. 

anonymous asked:

Hiiii so I love your Fahc comics especially the original team formation and I was wondering if you had/considering doing one for Jeremy joining the crew?

Oh. Oh. Uhh, well. My original plan was to actually do that. But I might have sort of forgotten about it. I already had the idea to do that when I was working on the original comic on how the crew got together because Jeremy wasn’t included in it. And I also sort of had the loose plot for it figured as well but I never even began sketching it and neither did I write it down.

It’s been about a year since I drew that whole 14 pages of FAHC comicness ([x] and [x]). It would probably be a good idea to begin continuing it. But I think the biggest point of not continuing it soon was that previously I had the plot figured out clearly; I based the whole thing around a headcanon I saw. So to draw the Jeremy part I would have had to make up new plot. So my brain went “No”.

But I will look into this again, hopefully making it two or more pages. Make it a little project again. I probably won’t use almost three months on it like last time but-…?? We’ll see what I’ll do. I’ll definitely look into this more. Thank you, anon.

So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that I did not remember ordering. I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I accidentally purchased a kindle from Amazon, and when I came back from hanging out with Catherine, I told my parents, guys, you will not believe what I accidentally ordered for myself. 

“Huh,” said Dad very casually. “Did you get charged for it?” 

I spent the next five minutes checking my bank account and came back into the living room to announce, “No, I didn’t. Do you think it’s a mistake? But it has my name on it! what does this mean”

It was around the time that I started to sound panicked that Dad confessed to buying it for me (“I didn’t realize the mystery of it would be so terrifying”). Which was very, very sweet and slightly unfortunate because yesterday I purchased a replacement kindle for myself. 

So anyway, we now have a family kindle 

he was a king.

this was the year he was going to die.

may or may not have spent my entire sunday finding obscure indie movies to steal clips from to make this video. idk, you can’t prove anything. 

4

FINISHED THIS IN A DAY BECAUSE FEELINGS ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚



(I blame all of this on my roommate who decided to go break my heart.)


((Help this boy I love him.))


(((screenshots property of Cheritz)))

6

Theirs was the love that was meant to be, but wasn’t meant to last.

Hola, friends! Welcome to my first ever football starter pack! After a while of thinking, and many asks about football related things, I wondered; why hasn’t anyone made a big post like this? So, after a lot of thinking, and a lot of hard work – especially typing, lots of typing – I decided that I’d make a big masterpost of all things soccer! This isn’t even for new fans, this is for new fans on tumblr, new fans in general, or people who want to get into soccer, but aren’t sure if they really want to, or don’t know how! Never fear, Sophia is here! Below the cut is a whole multitude of things for the new and old soccer fan alike.. I’ve written MOST of the explanations below, and it took a while! But, besides that, I’ve included some good soccer blogs/articles I found that might be helpful! I hope this helps you guys, and likes and reblogs are definitely appreciated! Enjoy! :) 


First things first, what is football?:

What is Football? Pt. 1, by yours truly, nikeneymar

What is Football? Pt. 2, by yours truly, nikeneymar

Offside Rule, What is It, and How Do You Identify It?: By yours truly, nikeneymar

What Are the Rules? – The 17 Laws of Soccer Explained

Understanding Soccer Penalty Shootouts 

Need a hand with all the competitions? Never fear!: 

In Depth Explanation of the UEFA Champions League, UEFA Super Cup, and FIFA World Cup: By yours truly, nikeneymar

Why the Copa America Years Are the Way They Are: By yours truly, nikeneymar

Soccer World Cup Explained

World Cup tiebreakers, explained

Explained: The UEFA Champions League Draw 

Wikipedia on Copa America

The Basic Five Leagues: La Liga, Serie A, Premier League, Ligue 1, and Buendesliga, and their Clubs.

Understanding the Primera División ((La Liga, which is Spanish football.))

Understanding Serie A ((Italy’s football league.))

Beginners Guide to the Premier League ((England’s football league.))

Understanding the Premier League ((England’s football league.))

Ligue 1 ((France’s football league.))

Helpful Forum on Understanding Buendesliga ((German’s football league.))

La Liga Teams for the 2015/16 Season

Premier League Teams for the 2015/16 Season

Serie A Teams for the 2015/16 Season

Ligue 1 Teams for the 2015/16 Season

Bundesliga Teams for the 2015/16 Season

The List: Best Players in Each League

Top 10 Best Players in La Liga ((Based on 2014/15 season.))

List of Best Players in La Liga Overall

Best Serie A Players of 2014

List of Top 50 Premier League Players of 2014/15 Season

Top 100 Premier League Players of 2014/15 Season

List of Best Players in Ligue 1 Overall

Top 10 in Buendesliga

If you’re into women’s soccer: The NWSL ((National Women’s Soccer League)):

5 Things to Know About the NWSL Draft

Explanation of the NWSL, and short, one paragraph summaries on all NWSL teams

Really, Really Informative Post About NWSL Teams + Blogs to Follow, by alexmcrgan

Official NWSL YouTube Where Free, Live Streams of All NWSL Games Can Be Found

International Soccer, aka the National Teams:

Good Site to Compare National Teams ((I recommend this, especially if you’re looking for a national team to support.))

Top Ten National Teams ((I don’t agree with the order of the teams, but the way they explain the teams is interesting.))

Nicknames of some National Teams

Top 10 National Teams of All Time ((Video.))

Other Helpful Sites:

espnfc ((An ESPN Soccer Site; Covers Game Fixtures/Results, News, and Analysis.))

WorldSoccer ((Soccer News.))

FIFA ((Official FIFA Website; News Focusing on both National Teams and Leagues.))

SoccerLens ((Soccer News; Facts, with just a bit of Opinion, for Good Mixture.))

101GreatGoals ((Just as the Name Suggests, it’s a Site Full of Great Goals.))

FootyTube ((Like YouTube, but for Soccer Fans. Goals, interviews, etc.))

Football365 ((Football Website Full of Results, Game Fixtures, News. **I’ve heard this one is really good.))

beIN Sports ((All around Sports Website, but Primarily Focused on Soccer News and Analysis. Based off soccer channel beIN Sports.))

Just a List of All World Teams, National and Club Teams Alike.

Video Archive for Football Matches. 

“did you love her” he asked him
he nodded yeah more than anything
“so why did you keep leaving her?”
do you know what its like to be at war with your own mind?
to know you love someone but not being enough for them.
to know how good they are but being so scared to hurt them and hurt myself.
i was scared.
scared to feel so much for someone.
i never planned on loving her i just wanted to fuck.
it was the way she’d never get mad at me she’d just let me lash out all my anger with her there and she was never scared of me.
it was the way she was always so smiley even when you saw the pain in her eyes.
it was the way i could want to spend forever with her but fear losing her to anything.
i tried to not love her.
but everyday i loved her more and more.
now i cant face her. when i look at her pictures my heart man it stops for a second.
i tried to make her hate me i was so mean.
yet she never stopped being there.
sometimes i knew i was hurting her but i still said it knowing she’d forgive me and i hate myself for hurting her.
shes the first person ive been myself with
she knows me more than i know myself
she knew when i was sad
when i needed something
she knew me man.
now i tried making her hate me i picked at her flaws i brought her low. maybe i was overwhelmed that someone could be that perfect that i wanted to make her a little more like me a complete mess. but you see she never thought i was a mess. i could look my worst and she always looked beautiful fuck, she’d never care. she’d run her hands in my hair and touch my nose, have you seen its so big yet she loved it like it was a masterpiece.
what im trying to say i keep leaving because im scared, scared to hurt her, to fuck up or maybe even to feel this much for anyone.
i love her and i dont want to be 25 and regret this.
5

“I’m not crying, you are!” No, no-no, at this point I think everyone is crying.

Damn you markiplier and your vlogs full of emotions ;__;

(x)

8

game of thrones meme ♕ [ 1 ] king ♕ Robb Stark

Gods be good, why would any man ever want to be king? When everyone was shouting King in the North, King in the North, I told myself… swore to myself… that I would be a good king, as honorable as Father, strong, just, loyal to my friends and brave when I faced my enemies… now I can’t even tell one from the other. How did it all get so confused?

Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol. 3
  • Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol. 3
  • Subaru (CV. Kondo Takashi) & Kou (CV. Kimura Ryohei)
Play

Diabolik Lovers Versus III Vol.3 // Subaru vs. Kou Translation

(。「´-ω・)ン  Heyyo sinners~! Subaru and Kou are like my favorite rivals in the series. So! I decided to take a crack at translating their versus.  (๑꒪▿꒪)*    Aaaaah. This is my first DL CD translation and I’m not too confident when it comes to audio translating. So please go easy on me haha.  

  ʅฺ(・ω・。)ʃฺ  As for other versus translations, there’s a good chance I might give Shu and Yuma a go. Doo bap da dop~~ ♪♫

The audio is the entire CD. ヽ(・ω・ゞ) After a track finishes, you will hear a quick ding. If you’d prefer to download the CD, then here’s a link. Rest of the tracks are after the read more.

╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑  I enjoyed the CD and I hope you do too!




Track 01: Invitation To A Party


Subaru: Sigh, that damn guy. To send us an invitation? Just what is he thinking? I’m not in the mood to go.Kch! *starts ripping the invite* Ggh! *rip* Hegh. Ahh. Damn it! The old man’s power really pisses me off. He doesn’t even need to be here to irritate me. And her! Pisses me off how she always accepts this crap so readily!  What a pain.


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