how to speak giraffe

What to do if You Become Treed by Giraffes

1. Remain still, as any movement —ANY AT ALL — will result in an immediate and horrible death by giraffe

2. Activate silent giraffe alarm, wait for authorities to arrive

3. Thank lucky stars you learned how to speak giraffe, beg  forgiveness

4. Hold on until winter; giraffes will freeze, can be broken into a million pieces

5. Remember that giraffes kind of have a thing for humans, or is that sea turtles

Quirky Ravus Headcanons

Some more Ravus Nox Fleuret headcanons some strange habits and such for the Commander of the Nilfhiem army. The eating habit is part of a dream I had about him I swear it was the cutest most awkward dream I had in a while I have the same issue with eating EVERYTHING separately it annoys my family and such but I just can’t stand the food touching each other and eating a hamburger is a funny scene. x.x;;

Tagging the wonderful @stephicness (another magical unicorn of a person I’ve met on tumblr)

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Eating: I’m pretty sure he’s a picky eater. I don’t mean like Prince Noctis (please don’t compare him with Noctis, he doesn’t like it.) but in the manner in which he eats. Food cannot touch each other, just no. Mixing corn and potatoes? Hell no. Everything and I mean everything is eaten separately. Having tacos? The boy will spread the whole thing apart on the plate and eat all the ingredients by one by one. (I seriously do this…)  He seriously eats a sandwich layer by layer, not all at once like a normal person. Some think it’s because he’s wary of someone poisoning his food but in reality he’s been doing this since childhood, just ask Lunafreya.

It disgusts him to watch someone mush all their food in a pile and eat it like that. His expression is of pure disgust his eyes screaming at them for being disgusting. If it bothers him too much he will get up and leave to eat in solitude, though if he’s EXTREMELY comfortable with the person he will get them a new plate and teach them the “proper” way to eat. (albeit a bit crudely in manner but this is Ravus, darlings.)

Sleeping: Like most prosthetic limbs the magitek arm is removable a few pins for the elbow and unhinge at the shoulder too for full removal. It hurts to remove it from the shoulder it’s preferable to have someone do the removing but Ravus doesn’t want employ help for that so he suffers the pain on his own. It makes a horrible clack when it detaches and has a strange smell from where the flesh and metal rub a lot. He would need a s/o that wouldn’t be unnerved at removing it and to ignore the pained expression on his face, since he strongly believes real men don’t cry. (baby everyone cries.) He tried sleeping with the magitek arm still on because it felt super strange to sleep on his normal left side and have no arm to support himself with and sleeping on his right side was just so strange. Sleeping with the magitek arm is strange because sleeping on his left like normal the arm is metal so it’s cold and hard like a rock not like his flesh arm. He tried placing a pillow over it but it was stifling the pillowcase kept pressing against his nose making it hard to breath.

Nightmares are a common thing for Ravus, with his mother’s death and the capture of his sister and himself, the mishap with the Ring of Lucis. Plus the ever reoccuring dreams of public speaking and general fears of Lunafreya dying for Noctis he doesn’t sleep well. Growing up in the Nif-Military he probably has very rigid sleeping habits, bed by 9 up by 5 that type that only slightly mellowed when he became Commander. So bed by 9:30 up by 5:30. Though he wakes up often to massage his shoulder that hurts and clear his head from the nightmares. Ravus most likely watches Youtube (Niftube? lol) videos about funny animals or random youtuber react videos until he’s learning how to speak Giraffe at 4 am. Then passes out waking up a bit later feeling better, he doesn’t require much sleep like some do. *cough*Noctis*cough*

Showering: Being in the Niflheim military showering is a quick in and out thing though in his position now he does on occasions relax in the tub. He’s known to “borrow” salt soaks from Lunafreya lavender and sylleblossoms scents in particular as it’s relaxing and makes him think of home. The doctor told him to shower without the magitek arm on because too much water is not good for it but he finds it hard and frustrating to wash his hair with one arm. Struggling with opening the top of the shampoo bottle and such is hard one handed. (Imagine the poor guy dropping the bottle of shampoo slipping and falling…a mess of lanky arm and legs.)

Everything can be fixed with ice cream.

Hello, love bugs!
Phil x reader fluff request.
Send them my way.

Ok, so what if reader is on her period and she has a really low pain tolerance so she is very miserable and Phil (her bf) decides to try and cheer her up, earning quite a few glares (and secret giggles)? And like lots of fluff plz?-iluvharrypotterr

You are being punished. This isn’t the kind of punishment you like. This is torture. Were you being dramatic? Maybe, but your everything hurt. Your nipples were sensitive from rubbing against your bra. Your lower back felt like every five minutes you were being stabbed. Every time you moved or stood up if felt like you were peeing yourself. Yes, that’s a lot of information but you know what else. You hadn’t pooped in two days. That’s information folks. You’re just very crabby to top it all off. This would be the ideal day to stay at home under the covers. Phil had asked if we would come to his haircut appointment. You felt like you never got to have just time as the two of you so come hell or high water you were going to enjoy yourself. Your face, however, didn’t scream joy as much as pain.

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