how to get attention

Living With BPD

So let me tell you about this. Let me tell you how BPD ruined my life.

BPD: Borderline Personality Disorder

Things that people with BPD do without knowing it:

-push everyone they love away

-say things hurtful or angry when they feel alone 

-dissociate 

-isolate themselves

-stop taking care of themselves, their health, appearance

-tell themselves hurtful things every day “you’re so worthless”

-rationalize impulsive behavior with emotion

-read too far into things, worry, have constant anxiety

-never feel normal, always feel different

Let me tell you how when I get angry I say things to hurt you on purpose. How I compulsively lie to get attention or a reaction. How I replay the exact words of someone to feel sadness, because anything is better then feeling numb. How I run away from everything, just get in my car and go. How I make passive aggressive comments and hurt people without even trying or knowing I’m doing it. How I say “bye” when I’m hurt and “i’m sorry” at least 50 times a day. 

This is BPD. It is isolation. Fear of rejection. Alarming feelings that feel like drowning. Ruining all your relationships.

This is stage 1 of diagnosis, I feel so lost, like there is no hope.

Any words of encouragement is appreciated. Much love.

How to Get Ahead in Life

1. Don’t pay too much attention to the way you feel. Feelings change throughout the day and they are unreliable. Don’t let them rule your life, or interfere with your goals.

2. Decide not to worry as it tends to make things worse. If you focus on your worries it will drain your energy – and often what we’re dreading doesn’t happen anyway.

3. Cut the internal commentary. Stop telling yourself that things are going to fall apart, or your efforts won’t succeed, or you won’t be popular. Keep trying, moving forwards, and getting on with life.

4. Stop being self-critical. You need to be your own cheerleader and your biggest fan in life. Note progress, perseverance, attitude and inner strength. Be affirming, kind, believing and coach towards success.

5. Stop feeling guilty. Feeling guilty changes nothing. You are going to make mistakes. Accept you aren’t perfect - then get up and try again.

6. Stop worrying about what others think of you. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think. Choose your own goals for your life – you’re not accountable to them.

7. Don’t worry about set backs or changes to your plans. Plans always need adjusting and things always go wrong – but that doesn’t mean “it’s over” or you’ll never reach your goals. Expect to make some changes – just be adaptable.

- Chat why are you wearing sunglasses over your mask that’s–

- It’s called style, ma chérie.

- …

Enjolras could you be ANY MORE obvious? :’^)

My thoughts through out "The Lego Batman Movie"
  • Me: Wow this is really cool
  • Me: Pretty sure those pilots are gay
  • Me: The Joker's pretty cool
  • Me: Okay is it just me or is Joker being really gay
  • Me: Are him and batman really talking about their relationship?
  • Me: So far the plot of this movie is Joker trying to get batman's attention, and how batman has nice abs.
  • Me: ha Ironman sucks
  • Me: it's good to see Green Lanterns still annoying.
  • Me: Poor Batman
  • Me: Love all these ab references
  • Me: Don't worry joker I have flab too
  • Me: Good to see Batman and Joker together
  • Me: Wow. I ship it
Draco & Harry w/ Teddy Headcanons

because me and @mxrcusflint have been having a conversation about this over the past couple of days, it got me thinking, so i feel obligated to make a post

  • harry would make draco babysit teddy with him even though he absolutely does not want to
  • teddy loves draco the second he meets him and will hardly even pay attention to harry
  • draco is really unsure how he feels about teddy clinging to him all the time but he allows it because honestly the kid is really cute and he cant tell him no
  • harry gets kind of jealous of how much attention teddy pays to draco but when draco says something he obviously denies it
  • plus he really cant be that mad because draco and teddy are his two favorite people
  • draco warms up to teddy really quickly and he ends up always looking forward to when they have to babysit
  • teddy and draco both getting their first weasley sweaters and they match and teddy just grins up at draco bc draco is so cool and he’s matching with him ( @mxrcusflint mentioned this in one of our chats and i had to include it)
  • harry insists that the two of them take a picture together
  • draco “begrudgingly” does just to please harry and teddy
  • but he actually loves and treasures the picture and frames it to hang in his and harry’s house
  • teddy spending the night at the potter/malfoy household every saturday 
  • it’s always teddy’s favorite part of the week
  • all three of them have matching pajamas
  • they drink cocoa and watch movies 
  • and play board games
  • teddy forcing draco to build a fort with him
  • draco convincing teddy that slytherin is the best house
  • “shut up draco he can decide that for himself…but the best house is gryffindor, teddy, just so you know”
  • taking teddy to the park to pet the dogs that are there
  • taking teddy to quidditch matches
  • buying teddy is first broomstick
  • and it’s obviously the newest and best 
  • teddy having his own bedroom at their house because he spends so much time there
  • teddy flooing their house crying when kids at school are mean to him because his hair was pink that day
  • and draco and harry telling him there’s nothing wrong with the color pink and if he likes it then he should wear his hair that way more often
  • taking teddy shopping for all his school supplies the day after he gets his letter
  • basically just harry and draco being the best uncles/father figures ever and teddy loving them with his whole heart
I will choose to let go.
I will choose to give you up.
And I am sure that it will hurt me more than it will hurt you. Yes, the hurt will remain and the memories I’ve had with you will linger for a bit. And though I’d still answer your phone calls even if I’m already asleep, I know I won’t be able to stay in the line longer than before. Because I know that before you even decide to dial my number, you called her first and it hurts that I’m no longer the first person that comes into your mind whenever you want to talk to someone. Everytime I’ll hear you say you miss me, everytime I’ll hear you say I am special, I know that in between those words, she will always be there. And I’ll remember how much it hurts. I’ll remember how painful it is to know that someone’s getting more of your attention you used to gave me. I’ll remember the days where it was just you and me, the days where she doesn’t exists in our lives, yet. Because now you already have her, now she gets to be first in everything you want to share. And even though it hurts to know that you will never be happy with me as you are with her, it’s okay. It will always be okay. Because I’ve always wanted you to be happy, and I only wanted what’s best for you. And if it’s her, clearly it’s her, it’s okay. Maybe someday I’ll find that person who would treat me the same way I treat you, someone who will always put me on top of his priorities because I have already accepted the fact that that person won’t be you. The hurt will remain but someday, I’ll forget that you were the only person I’ve always wanted to go home with.