how to break my heart into little pieces

I don’t even know why I’m so sad. I don’t even know if I have any right to be. But all I know is that I wanted to touch you in the softest way I could, hoping I would be able to take hold of you. But sometimes even if you do everything right, all they’ll ever see is everything else that’s wrong. I don’t want to regret you, god knows I already have a few of those on my back pocket. But every time you’ve said and done something that broke my heart just a little bit, it makes me want to take back all the parts of me I openly gave you. Do you realize how hard that is for me to do? I am not this fragile thing that easily breaks, but all my life small pieces have been chipped off here and there by people whose hands just wanted to take and take. I am so tired. All I wanted to do was rest my head on your shoulders just long enough for me to be able to breathe. And for a while I thought we’d be a home, you and I. But somewhere in between the words you’ve said - the maybe’s, the I think I’m in love with you’s, the I want you’s, the you’re mine’s - somewhere in between all of that, you changed your mind. You should have known, they said. But I didn’t. Because we were beautiful. At least I thought we were. That’s on me, I guess.
—  My mistake was… // Confessions | Genefe Navilon

antichesirekitty  asked:

A little girl came up to my counter today dressed up as Belle from Beauty &I the Beast. I spent five minutes raving about how she was my favorite princess and asking for an autograph. She drew a heart on a piece of paper with a B on it. Honestly, she was so cute and it made my day to see her smile like that. I put the autograph on our break room fridge

Do you remember the day before we got together? When you first said you loved me. I told you that I was scared to love. I told you how I didn’t want to give a piece of myself to someone just so they drop me and destroy every fucking bone I have. I was scared to love again, but with you it was different, you told me, no you promised me, that you were never going to hurt me. You said you wouldn’t break my heart, that you were going to love and be there for me. Oh of course, stupid, silly me believed your little lies. I believed every single fucking thing you told me. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I gave you so many fucking chances. For what? Just so you could hurt me at every single chance you got? I still don’t understand how you could do that to me. All I ever wanted was to love you. I gave you my fucking all, I gave you my heart and you just fucking grabbed it and walked out on me. That’s when it hit me that I was still that nothing before I met you. So fuck you for making me feel like I was special. I was just nothing to you, while you were my fucking universe. The day you left me made my world fucking collapse. I love you you fuck, but fuck you for everything you did to me.
—  vagueality // the things that keep me awake #2
You broke my heart; you hurt me. Again and again and you knew what you were doing. You knew you were shattering my heart, but you didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was all just part of your plan. Telling me that the most important thing you wanted to do with me was to fall in love and work through everything no matter how tough it would be. Maybe killing the only one who has ever cared about you like I did, was your plan. Build it up, make it seem like everything’s alright, like you had feelings for me and then tearing it down and breaking my fragile heart piece by piece. You were watching as I held on tighter and tighter while you were slipping away little by little.
—  I was in love with you, but you killed me. ( @andrealynnxoxo )
Saint Baints (Harry Styles x Reader)

A year, that was for how long Harry and I had been together. But as always good things never last for me, little fights turned into massive screaming bits, sleeping in different beds, going days without talking to one another. Those were the worst parts of fighting. After a while the final day came, the day we fought and instead of him yelling it turned into him being completely calm as he sat down and told me the words I feared the most in the world. “We should break up” It had felt like someone ripped my heart out and broke it in pieces. I was too shocked and hurt to fight, to say no, to plead to try and work things out that all I said was a simple “Okay” and started packing all my things before heading to a friends where I now live.

It took two months for us to actually talk again. Noting that before we started dating we had been best friends. So we went from ex’s to friends, to good friends and within a period of a year back to best friends once more. It was great, having my Harry back but not actually him being mine. We laughed about the things we had fought about after realizing they were completely stupid things. Now after two years I had been invited to join Harry and his family for the holidays at Saint Baints. Of course I was excited specially knowing he wouldn’t have to go at the last minute because of some gig or something in the lines of that. Also being able to see his family again was great, but there was just one little detail. Kendall. Before I got there they had already been there for a few days so when the photos of Harry and Kendall wrapped around each other with too much PDA for my liking surfaced the web I felt my heart sink once again.

It’s pitiful how even after two years I still love him, so much and so deeply that just reading this was like a slap to the face. Guess I’ll just have to suck it up and try to enjoy the holidays.

**********
Getting here was not so easy but totally worth it. This place is amazingly beautiful. As I walked into the hotel I gasped seen as even the hotel was beautiful. After check in I walked to the house the Styles where staying at, yes you heard me this hotel is by houses not rooms. After opening the front door with my key I yelled a simple “Hello?” To see if anyone was here after closing the door and setting my suitcase down.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” I said as I start walking around

“Boo!!” Said someone coming to view making me scream

Gemma

“Oh My Lord, Gemma. Don’t do that ever again” I said laughing while we hugging hello

“Hah sorry I just felt too tempted not to” She shrugged pulling away

After talking for a bit she told me which room was mine and helped me get settled in. We went to the balcony watching the crystal clear water in front of us just relaxing for a bit.

“So.. Have you seen the pictures?” Gemma asked after a while

She was the only one who knew about my feelings for Harry. I sigh before replying.

“I would love to say no but yeah..” I said looking over at her “Have you seen them.. You know..” I said not wanting to say the word kiss out loud

“Yeah..” She said understanding what I meant “It’s disgusting. I mean not even when you two were together did you show so much PDA” She said trying to lighten the mood

“You know that’s never been my thing” I told her smiling a bit

We kept talking until Anne and Harry came back from wherever they where. After greeting them we decided to go out later for dinner. Nothing fancy or anything. I went to my room and put on a lilac dress that went just above my knees. Putting on white flats I grabbed my purse and headed out the room to come across Harry.

“Hey (Y/N)” He said looking me up and down making me blush “Nice dress” He said a little sarcastic making me frown

“Excuse me?” I said a little offended

He walked closer to me, leaning down till he was next to my ear “I bought you that dress love” He whispered making me shiver

He chuckled knowing my body a little too well for my liking and straighten before saying “Shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s go” I said walking past him ignoring his stretch arm for me to take. The car ride to the restaurant was more than tensed. Me avoiding Harry every time he tried to talk to me. Once we got there and inside I felt like punching Harry for whom was sitting in our table waiting for us.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind me being early.” Said Kendall getting up and greeting everyone but me

“Oh you must be (Y/N).” She said with an obvious fake smile on her stupidly perfect face

One thing that had hurt more the first time I heard Harry and Kendall were dating a few months back was that I felt like shit for it. I mean if you would put someone to pick between me and Kendall they would pick her a million times more before even considering picking me. She is super tall something I am not even close to since I barely get to Harry’s chest on flats, skinny which all though I do like my body I feel like hers is just more toned and nicer by a long shot, plus she is like super rich. Me being a YouTuber I do make good enough money but don’t have even half the amount of money she does. There are just so many things better about her that make me feel like shit knowing I could never compare nor compete with someone like her when it comes to Harry’s love.

As dinner started Harry and Kendall sat together, right in front of me much to my dismay. I watched as Harry would get close to her, whispering something into her ear making her giggle as I felt a knife being slowly buried into my heart as I remember that was us a long time ago. Gemma tried to talk to me and help me ignore them but I just couldn’t ignore them. Finally after 20 minutes of them being like that the worst happened. I saw Kendall turn Harry’s face just a bit as he was already looking at her and lean in kissing him. Right there I knew that if I stayed everyone would see me cry and I didn’t want that.

“Um.. I’m gonna go. I’m not feeling very well, sorry” I said getting up and heading out the door as I felt the tears starting to burn my eyes

Calling a car I waited until I head a too familiar voice call out my name. I whipped the tears that had fallen but it was to no use because they just kept coming. I didn’t turn around not wanting him to see me cry but as the guy he is he turned me around making me see him.

“(Y/N)..” He said once he say my tears “What’s wrong” Are you okay?“ He asked concern

"Yeah” I said faking a little laugh “I just don’t feel very well. Maybe ate a little to much before getting here.” I said looking away from him

“You’re lying” He stated simply knowing me a little too well again

“I’m fine Harry don’t worry about it” I said turning around “Wouldn’t want to ruin your little date” I said under my breath but for my luck he heard

“What?” He asked coming around to know be in front of me

“Nothing” I said looking around to see if my car was here yet

“No, tell me. Why did you say that” He pushed

“For nothing okay?” I said annoyed “Why don’t you just go back to your little girlfriend and make out with her some more? Seems like you enjoy doing that a lot lately” I sigh of relief left my mouth once I saw the car coming my way

“You.. You’re..” He said trying to connect the dots

“Yeah Harry. I’m jealous, beyond that if its even possible. Lord you don’t understand do you? I love you, I’ve never stopped loving. And it breaks my heart to see you with Kendall knowing she is a hundred times better for you than I ever was.” I said as tears went down my face looking up at him

“(Y/N).. I-” He started but I cut him off walking pass him

“Don’t Harry. And don’t worry about any awkward tension around because I promise you I’ll be out of the house by morning.” I said as I opened the car door “I should’ve never came here” I said before getting in the car and closing the door.

*****
As I put all of my things back into my suitcase crying like crazy while I did I couldn’t help but look down at what I was wearing remembering the day I got it. It had been me birthday and I didn’t really feel like celebrating so I spent it all day inside with Harry watching movies and eating junk food. At around 7 pm Harry got off the couch and headed up the stairs telling I had to close my eyes. After a little bit Harry came back and sat next to me telling me to open my eyes. I looked down to to see he had a gift on his hands.

“Harry, you didn’t have to” I said as he handed it to me

“I know but.. I just say this the other day and thought of you” He shrugged smiling at me

I opened it to pull out a beautiful lilac dress.

“Oh Harry. It’s beautiful. Thank you” I said as I kissed him

I tried taking off the dress right away but the stupid zipper got stuck not letting me take it off.

“Stupid dress, stupid memories, stupid Harry. Lord! Why do I have to still love him? Why couldn’t I just stopped him when he told me we should break up?” Started to say as I sat down on the bed pulling my knees up to my chest “Why can’t I just be good enough for him” I asked myself as I cried even more

I stopped once I heard the door to the house open then close. Not giving it much attention as I guessed it was probably Anne and Gemma coming back from dinner I laid down facing the big window as I could perfectly see the ocean out side. Little sobs escaped my lips as once again memories of being with Harry came flooding into me head making me cry harder. What stopped me was my door opening all of a sudden. I jumped and looked to the door, finding Harry standing there.

“Ha-Harry” I chocked out “What are you doing here?” I said in a very low voice

“How can you do that?” He said ignoring my question “How can you just say something like that and just walk away like it was nothing?” He said getting closer to the bed making me move closer to him until I was sitting on the edge of the bed in front of him “You.. You didn’t even let me say anything” He said finally looking down at me

“There is nothing to say.” I shrugged looking down at my hands 

“Yes, there is.” He said pulling my chin up so I was looking up at him “(Y/N).. I love you”

“But- But Kendall..”

“Kendall was just a distraction. I thought that maybe if I was with someone else I would start to move on from you.” He moved and sat next to me “But seeing you in this dress.. It reminded me of everything we’ve been through and everything I want us to be in the future”

He put one of his hands that were holding mine on my cheek and started leaning closer, I could lightly feel his lips on mine sending shivers down my spine only wanting them fully on mine. Not being able to take it any longer I put my hands on the back of his neck and closed the small space between us feeling like I was on fire. He hugged my waist pulling me closer, out lips molding together like perfect puzzle pieces.

“I love you so so much” He mumbled into the kiss making me smile

“I love you too, so much” I said as we pulled away looking at each other

Being this close to one another, we just smiled. There was no need for words because in that moment I knew my Harry was mine once more and this time I wasn’t letting him go.

I want a dad.
I want someone to take me on little ice cream dates and protect me from a broken heart. I want someone to call me their little princess and to teach me about cars and how to kick some ass.
I want a dad.
I want someone that would hold me close after my first break up and tear up when I try on a dress for an important event. I want someone I can share with my acomplishments and hopes and dreams.
I want a dad.
And my heart breaks because I’m missing that piece and there is nothing that can fill it and it hurts.
I just want a dad.

Love Quotes for the Signs
  • Aries: "When I look in her eyes, well I, just see the sky."
  • Taurus: "I love you"
  • Gemini: "What I have with you I don't want with anyone else."
  • Cancer: "Everyday I love you more and more than yesterday."
  • Leo: I'm scared that I'll lose you but you're not even mine."
  • Virgo: "I'm not the best but I promise to love you with my whole heart."
  • Libra: "I'm jealous of every girl that's ever hugged him because for that second, she held my entire world."
  • Scorpio: "You could break my heart into tiny little pieces, and I'd still pick them up and put them back in your hands."
  • Sagittarius: "I hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you're sad."
  • Capricorn: "I fell in love with your personality, your looks are just a bonus."
  • Aquarius: "And if only you could see the way my face lights up when your name appears on my phone."
  • Pisces: "I don't want the world's attention. Yours is enough."
  • (I only found these quotes through songs or social media and I do not know the authors nor do I take credit for them)

I wish I was beautiful but the kinda beautiful where people stare at you when you enter the room.
I wish I was strong, strong enough to change the world and make an impact
I wish I was stable so I wouldn’t break as easily, i’m as fragile as glass, I give people my heart and they drop it every time.
I wish I wasn’t shattered into pieces so I could be an inspiration to people.
I wish I could stop my emotions but one second i’m okay and the next sadness kicks in and reminds me of how worthless I am
I wish my thoughts and emotions had an off switch and I wasn’t so anxious all the time. I wish I wouldn’t worry about every little thing for way too long and overthink.
Some days I wish I wasn’t me but then again this is me. I can be a complete mess and irritated, upset, annoyed and sad and maybe it’s hard to pull through sometimes but i’m here and this is all that matters.
A lot of things have had such an impact on my life, the people that I was lucky enough to get to know, all the memories will always remain.
All I know is that i’m still breathing, my heart still beats the same old rhythm, my blood still flows through my veins and my body is constantly fighting to keep me alive even when my mind is challenging me sometimes, it’s always worth the fight.

Me: WHY CAN’T I MOVE ON FROM ACE

Me: *proceeds to sketch lots of Ace(s)*

Me: Whyyy

___

Little/Tsundere Ace for today’s random sketch. Never really drew him before so I’m quite happy with how it turned out :3 But seriously though ASL breaks my heart and bones. *sobs

We miss you ace.

Instead of writing our break up poem
I take my best friend out for brunch
so I have an excuse to start my day
with alcohol.
I drink four mimosas
and by two o clock
I’m “a little buzzed”.
I made out with the bartender once
so she gives us free tequila shots.
We reason that at this point in our day,
it is acceptable to start drinking bourbon.

Instead of writing our break up poem
I spend the entire day being drunk
I respond to everything
with bitter sarcasm
and crass remarks.
I wait for people to ask me how I’m doing
just so I can say
I got my heart torn apart
and I’m choking on the pieces,
but it’s fine,
I’m fine.

Instead of writing our break up poem
I ricochet between manic narcissism
and crippling depression.
I talk too loudly,
but I never say anything bad about you.
I just start crying in inconvenient social settings
and make people uncomfortable.

Instead of writing our break up poem
I spend less time on my phone
and put off the process
of deleting photos of you.
The only thing that gets me out of bed
is going to work.
Thank god I work in a bar.

—  After @tristamateer’s “Instead Of Writing Our Breakup Poem”.

My heart physically hurts because of him. When I think about how his brown eyes looked into my hazel eyes and told me he didn’t love me anymore, I think my heart breaks a little more. When I think about how he walked away for the last time, my body collapses. When I hear our old favorite songs, my breathing gets unsteady and I start shaking.

How did I ever let someone break me this much? How did I end up here?

—  He broke me. Now I’m left with picking up the pieces of my shattered self.

Could you do Q and James dealing with James developing dementia? – anon

Break my heart into a million pieces, why don’t you? Jen.

“I can’t remember your name.”

Q let out a small sigh, just a little sad, a little lost. “Q,” he said gently. “My name’s Q. I’m your partner.”

Bond looked him up and down. “Q,” he repeated, the name feeling foreign on his tongue. “Strange name What’s your actual name?”

“Q,” Q repeated. “I work in the government, my name is classified information – I’ve never told you my birth name, because it’s irrelevant. I am just Q. How’re you feeling?”

Bond shrugged slightly. “I’ve been better,” he replied honestly. “I know, you know. I can feel that I don’t know… I don’t know where I am or who you are, and that means my mind is damaged, and that’s frightening.”

Q nodded; it was far from the first time Bond had expressed the same sentiment. He always found it frightening, when he realised he didn’t remember; Q could understand that. Most of Bond’s life had required memory, extensive memory. People, places, languages, events, customs, traditions.

Now, he looked at his partner of over a decade, and didn’t remember his name.

“You’re doing really well,” Q told him, not quite lying, not quite telling the truth. “It’s good to see you.”

Bond nodded distantly. “Quartermaster?”

“That’s the one,” Q nodded, trying to conceal the flickers of excitement; on good days, Bond would wend his way through whatever memory he had, to stumble across Q. Today was already reasonably good; he had woken, dressed, eaten of his own volition.

Bond had been not merely reluctant, but actively hostile at the idea of going into a care home. Eventually, however, they both conceded that Bond couldn’t remain with Q. Q couldn’t spend every moment looking out for Bond; his job was high intensity, and Q did not have the temperament to be a carer. Of course, he loved Bond with every fibre of his being – but that did not equip him with the tools to take care of somebody he was losing by inches.

“You’re very handsome, you know,” Bond told him, with a small sideways smile. “I’ve done rather well for myself.”

Q nodded, smirking. “You have, rather,” he agreed. “Tea?”

“I don’t like tea.”

Q didn’t respond to that; Bond did like tea, but hadn’t really started getting into it until a few years ago. “Alright then, coffee? Sound good?”

Bond grinned. “Black…”

“… no sugar,” Q completed, extending a hand to Bond. “Come on then, let’s see if they’ve got any decent stuff in, you once got at me for days over Nescafe…”

“I’m glad I’ve always had good taste,” Bond smirked; abruptly, his voice dropped, a note of pure sincerity creeping in. “Thank you, Q.”

Q glanced at him, and knew what he meant, understood on instinct. “It’s my pleasure, James,” he replied lightly, reaching out for a hand, pressing a kiss to the top. “I love you very much.”

“You really do,” Bond murmured, almost disbelieving. “And I think I love you too. It’s odd. Like you’re just out of reach, but I know you’re there, and that makes all the difference.”

Q looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world, and smiled in a way that took Bond’s breath away. “I’m always here,” he confirmed. “Always.”

8 years ago on the 4th of Feburary my world was torn to pieces when my precious father decided he wasn’t worth it, and commited suicide. It tore me to pieces seeing you lie there non responsive, the life was drained out of you. It ruined my perspective on the world in ways a little girl should never know so young just how shitty the world is, nothing has healed in me, and it breaks my heart knowing I wasn’t enough of a reason to stay alive and watch his baby grow up, it’s been hard daddy you know I had a boy leaving bruises on my skin and scars on my heart and I needed you there, I wanted you to protect me. What would you think of me now? Would you be proud of me, I had a boy tell me it was my fault your not here and he said it for so long I believe it now, if I wasn’t born, and I want so desperately for you to hold me tight and tell me this has nothing to do with me and if anything I was why you held on for so long. But that wasn’t how it was, was it? You’ve taught me to dispise the day people learnt to harm themselves but also taught me that maybe it’s the answer. I love you, and I want you to be proud of me and I wish so desperately I could have fought your demons away, you didn’t deserve this.