vika, i need relationship advice? a long while back you mentioned your relationship with your now-husband (congrats!!!!!!!!!! 💕💕) was a healthy one. how did you know? i've been in two very unhealthy relationships in the past and now i don't know how to recognize a healthy one. sorry if this is an annoying question!
No, your question is great, don’t worry about it!
First of all, I think that since every person is different, they have different understanding of what “healthy” means, so the main points can alter a bit. As in, some couples enjoy arguing, both getting good emotions out of it, so for them it’s a way of healthy.
As for the main points, there still should be general “rules”.
• you don’t beat each other up in order to prove anything, that you’re right, that you’re stronger, etc etc.. Hitting your partner in a nose with an elbow by accident or playfully LIGHTLY tapping don’t count.
• you don’t make up the ideal and then consider whether or not your partner fits in the borders of it. Changing them if they don’t, being angry that they can’t change. The changes in relationships are completely normal, but both go through changes willingly.
• you listen to each other opinions, trying to understand them if your opinion differs. One doesn’t bully the other no matter how much they disagree. Both should be willing to find a compromise and respect that this other human being that is not me can in fact have a different opinion!
• you talk to each other about something you don’t like instead of forming an inner snowball. If someone did or didn’t do something you have expected them to (or you disagree with), talk it out. Don’t go all gloomy for a week and then spill it all out. Don’t constantly remind someone about what they did 5 years ago and how wrong and horrible it was.
• you help and support each other no matter what, and you don’t try to ruin your partner’s passion if you don’t share it. If one wants to do something, to work somewhere, to invest in a hobby they love so much - support them. The support partners give each other can make them grow amazingly.
• you don’t lie to each other, but don’t be BRUTALLY honest. If there is something that may hurt your partner but they need to know it, be kind.
• you seek happiness for your partner, and don’t want to purposefully hurt them and ruin them with your words.
• YOU RESPECT EACH OTHER. And hopefully, don’t want to use your partner like an object. You value them.
I can go on forever and I might have missed out something important, because there is so much in my head, but! I wrote the main things I consider important.
Also, I’m sorry it sounds so “you do that and you don’t do this”, it’s just the easiest way to form out my thoughts, so!