how to apply foundation

So for the youtuber au does nursey use teammates for different tutorials? Like this is how you apply foundation without totally covering freckles (dex), hooded eyes (chowder), etc

ofc!! heres nursey doing a vid with lardo

coincidentally its also snowy’s favorite video

For a natural looking, flawless base start by massaging your foundation into the skin using your fingertips and then use a brush to “pat” more product over areas where more coverage is needed.

Hello! Do you have any tips for what to do when you've fallen behind? I have a very hard time concentrating, and not knowing what the teacher is talking about just makes it worse. I really wanna get back on track, but I have no idea where to start. Thank you!!

You and me both anon! Here’s a few tips on how to catch up (and keep ontop of class content)

Work backwards

• Assume the following. Your class is steamrolling ahead - they’ve started topic 6 this week and you haven’t even finished your notes for topic 1. What do you do?
• Start straight from topic 6. Drop the rest; start with the topic your class is currently covering. Don’t start from topic 1 and then ‘expect’ to catch up to topic 6 within the week. That way, you’ll have all your notes for topic 6 completed, and can slowly chip away at the previous topics.
• If your subject is cumulative, skim over the key points of the previous topics (definitions etc) before doing this. Once you’e learnt the advanced application of the principle, it’ll be much easier to learn all the preliminary stuff (and faster too!) Its easier to fill in the blanks because you gain context.
• BUT WHY?!? Basically, its the theory of diminishing returns and all that jazz. A little about a lot goes a long way; a lot about a little does not. When it comes to exam time, you’ll be able to answer a larger number of questions - statistically that holds you in better stead (the first 50% of marks for a question are the easiest to achieve) c.f. answering one question very well and bombing three.

Cover the basics! Target Spotting!

• Cover the BASICS: If you can answer the core questions and issues of your course, you’ll be able to pass. Granted, getting an A lies in the nuance of application, examples etc. But you can’t get there if you don’t know how to apply the foundational principles - its like building a house on sand.
• Look at your syllabus - what are the key themes or topics which you have to cover?
• Look at review questions/ sheets at the end of a textbook chapter (if any). What are the key concepts, definitions and examples given?
• Answer these. Then, move the fuck on. When it comes to exam revision, you can go back and fill in examples and add in all the ‘details’.

Affordable Losses (if you’re really under the time crunch

• See which areas are ‘affordable losses’. List all the issues within the chapter. Use the revision page/your course syllabus/ what points your teacher emphasised in class to identify core questions and ‘secondary aka not so important’ questions. Those core issues are the ones you should be able to easily answer. Don’t bother about the secondary ones - they’re affordable losses.
• Remember, its all about prioritisation. So for example….
• If its not going to be covered in your most immediate assessment - fuck it, cover the topics which are
• If the area you’re struggling through only makes up 5% of the course, and some other topic is worth 15%? fuck it, move to that latter topic.
• If its only a secondary example or tangential/ related issue to the core issue covered in the chapter? fuck it, I know the basics, that’ll give me 50% of the marks for that question. Fuck the rest. Move on.

• If you get handouts or slides etc, flick through them before class. Note or highlight  any new phrases/ concepts/ words you don’t understand on one side of your page.
• That way, you’ll anticipate the areas of class you’ll need to pay specific attention to. As the teacher covers the content, you’ll be able to fill in your quick glossary

Change up your study techniques! aka Mini Revision/ Revision on Steroids

• After each class, list three things key points (words) from class. That way, when you go to write your notes, you’ll have some sort of context to begin with.
• When it comes to revising, don’t bother about writing it down or making it neat. Try speaking your notes aloud, reciting them to a mirror etc. Draw a mindmap. Colour code similar topics. Screw making fancy revision notes and notecards. You don’t have the time. Making it neater and copying it out doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll absorb the information faster.
• Bear Grylls It. Basically, this means attempting a practice exam with what you have - no fancy notes, no fancy revision cards - just the notes you’ve got as of the current moment. After your attempt, note what questions you couldn’t answer and begin your revision from there. You learn a lot more through application than passive copy-rewrite-recite

Lots of study tips start with “don’t leave things till the last minute”. But you know what? Shit Happens. Life Happens. We’re only human. So swear, curse, bemoan the time you’ve use procrastinating, load up on coffee, boot up your computer. Then start. In the end, being behind doesn’t mean you’ll fail. You’ll fail if you don’t try at all.

As someone who is about to embark on a tortuous revision session (read: three days, half a semester BRING IT ON, BRING ON ALL THE COFFEE), I wish you all the luck.

I’ll see you on the other side!

Basic Makeup For New Gurls

I’ve been getting a lot of messages recently asking about how I ‘look so pretty’. Believe me, I love compliments as much as the next gurl but trust me when I say this; it’s the watercolours, not the canvas.

I don’t have a naturally pretty face. I don’t say that in a “I’m ugly, please tell me otherwise” way… I simply have a blokish face. It really is the makeup that makes all the difference.

I started this blog all those years ago to do two things:

1. Be accepted as a crossdresser genderfluid individual.

2. To help others with the same goal.

It’s been a long time since then, and I like to think that the first is complete and the second is ongoing. At the same time, it’s really easy to forget how much I had to learn when I started out. Everything that comes naturally to me now would’ve been alien to Jess 7 years ago.

With that in mind, I thought I’d compile a handy guide to getting started with makeup. I’ve written similar posts before but I feel like it’s worth going more in-depth for such a key subject.

This week I’m going to cover the base parts; concealer, foundation and powder. I’ll go into detail about lips, eyes and others over the coming weeks.

The Canvas

Ask any artist and they’ll tell you the same thing; you can’t paint on a spoiled canvas. The same goes with your face; if it isn’t clean and ready to paint on then the final effect isn’t going to look as good as it could.

Start by throwing some aftershave (yes, aftershave) on around your beardy areas. This helps to close up your pores after you’ve shaved and means you won’t get oily foundation underneath your skin. It won’t make too much of a difference to the final look but you won’t get a rash/spots afterwards!

Concealer

If, like me, you’re an extremely hairy individual, then you’ll need to add a little bit extra to your makeup routine. If not, just skip the first step.

Take a concealer stick and apply it in tribal marks across your beard shadow; make sure to remember the neck as well! Blend it in with your skin until it’s all even; It should look like your chin, cheeks and neck are a slightly lighter colour than the rest of your face.

After this, take another concealer stick (you can use the same but I prefer using two different brands) and apply it in the same fashion to your whole face. Use your fingers to blend this in the same manner as before.

The reason you add two layers of concealer is because you need to hide your beard shadow. Adding the single layer just to your bearded areas will make your face look slightly unbalanced, whereas adding two layers will hide the shadow and then match the new tone with the rest of your face.

Foundation

There are plenty of tutorials online on ‘How to apply foundation’. I’m going to cover something a bit more specific: How to get the right foundation for YOUR skin.

Applying foundation is the same as concealer, apply to face and blend together, nice and simple… as long as it’s the right colour.

I know there’s going to be a fair few people who don’t like my solution, but it’s worked for me time and time again.

Go to your local makeup shop and speak to an adviser. When they ask who you’re buying foundation for tell them “YOURSELF”. Yeah I know, it’s probably a bit scary, but it’s the best way to get the foundation that will best suit your skin colour. Don’t hide behind a girlfriend/friend, tell them it’s for you. They don’t need to know you’re a crossdresser; you could be an actor or it could be for a fancy dress party. As long as they know you’re the one using it then they’ll get you the best foundation for you.

Powder

You will be applying your powder on last. I don’t mean after your foundation and concealer, I mean after literally everything else. But seeing as it’s part of the canvas, it’s getting mentioned here (also there are a lot of gurls who can get away without doing the lips/eyes/others).

Treat your powder like your foundation, you need to get the right colour. Fortunately there aren’t as many powder colours so you can usually do it by sight without having to ask anyone (although if you’ve already asked about the foundation then you might as well ask about the powder).

Once the rest of your makeup is done, take a large brush and swirl it into the powder in circles. When you apply it, brush it lightly over your whole face. You’ll probably need to do this a few times to make everything look even.

The purpose of powder is to hold your makeup in place and to give your face that matte finished look; it’s also one of the steps that a lot of crossdressers miss out on.

Sorry that I don’t have any pictures to go along with the makeup routine! Once I’ve written all the makeup posts I’ll put them together as a ‘quick-guide’ with pictures and everything!

Make sure to come back next Monday where I’ll be covering Eye Makeup!

- Jessica Blaise x x

Yoongi Scenario: That Glow.

Request: Can you do me a Yoongi fluff where you’re a Youtuber and you’re doing a makeup tag and you do his makeup/he does your makeup and it’s just full of fluff and funny moments? xD

Genre: Fluff / Comedy.

-No I won’t do it- you heard Yoongi say when you pushed him to answer the question you had made some minutes ago.

Your subscribers had been begging you to do a makeup tag with your boyfriend, and secretly, or not so secretly, you really wanted to do it as well. You had the makeup, you had the boyfriend, but Yoongi wasn’t having it, or so he thought.

You pouted coming closer to him. -Why not?-

He sighed keeping his eyes down on his laptop to then look at you with a frown. -What is a makeup tag exactly?-

You sat on the arm of the sofa where he was sitting. -Don’t pretend you don’t know-

-I don’t- he answered and you squinted your eyes because you knew he did know but was only acting up, making himself uncooperative just to annoy you and please himself hearing you going around and about. You knew him too well.

-Alright, I will explain, again, but give me some room there- you said and he obliged moving things around, but barely, so you had to sit in the little space very close too him. He shrugged and watched his laptop but you didn’t miss the little smirk.  Oh Yoongi, him and his passive aggressive ways always made you want to laugh, or to hit him with something.
-A makeup tag is when someone ask you to do some kind of video, in this case, about makeup, so it will be us doing something with it, and after that I will tag people or my subscribers-

-Ah!- he exhaled exaggeratedly. -So that’s what it is-

You smiled leaning a bit more to him. -Yes that’s what it is, would you do it with me?-

Yoongi turned his head to you and raised his brows. -No-

You whined and slapped his arm as he laughed. -You are the worst, I wonder If I can find another boyfriend who can do things with me- you put that out crossing your arms childishly, closing your eyes waiting for his reply.

-Yah, what is that about other boyfriend?- he put the laptop away with the pile of things he had on the sofa. -Not a chance-

-No? I bet I can find the perfect man to do the makeup tag with me-

-What perfect man?- he snorted. -You have me, you don’t need anyone else- he answered smugly.

You couldn’t help your smile and he couldn’t help his despite him wanting to remain with his cocky smirk. -So that means you will do it with me?-

Yoongi turned a bit more to you, one hand going to yours, the other to your thighs. -What do I get in return?-

-My love- you answered with agyeo making him squirm and smile in embarrassment because he probably didn’t expect that. -and a wish-

-A wish you say?- he repeated putting himself together, licking his lips.

You nodded. -A wish, and of course me not looking for another boyfriend-

He frowned and pinched your thigh and you laughed. -Alright then, but I will make you work for it, let’s see what is this makeup tag thing you have going on-

In this tutorial I will be teaching you how to apply foundation.

Liquid/Powder/Gel/Cream you name it girl you know I got you.

One thing to keep in mind is that you cannot look flawless and natural. So you can’t have both so if you want to look natural you will have to sacrifice some coverage.

SO HERE’S HOW TO APPLY FOUNDATION LET’S GO GIRL

hey!! lately i’ve been seeing tons of resource masterposts and i decided that i’d be easier if all of these masterposts were combined into one mega masterpost!! i couldn’t possibly link them all but i also added tons of my own links, this took absolutely forever so please, enjoy! :~)

• A HUGE WRITING MASTERPOST
• 200 words that describe light
• how to keep a journal
• huge writing masterpost
• how to reveal character
• help with writer’s block
• find the word that’s on the tip of your tongue
• find out which author you write like
• good brainstorming/ organizing tool
• zen writing tool
• word on the tip of your tongue?
• use big and interesting words
• Inspiration 1
• Music for writing fight scenes
• Writing fantasy
• Emotions vocab sheet
• How to reveal character
• Writers block resource
• Writing a death scene
• Writing prompt generators
• Got writers block?
• How to torture a character
• Degrees of emotion
• ULTIMATE writing ref
• Character names
• Body language
• 25 days of fic
• how to write a good essay
• Writing people of colour
• nanowrimo start kit
• All Authors need to Know
• Alternatives to ‘said’
• more writing tips
• Want to know who you write like?
• character flaws
• 200 words to describe light
• Obscure color words
• Body Language Cheat Sheet
• Awesome colors to describe eyes

school

• how to survive college
• Scholarpedia (basically Wikipedia but with reliable sources)
• solve any math problem
• how to effectively pull an all-nighter
• teaches everything
• An already typed essay at your fingertips(type the subject and press random stuff and an essay forms)
• bibliography maker
• Didn’t listen in class?
• look for your worksheets on here
• finals survival guide
• free microsoft word alternative
• homework help
• learn geography
• make flash cards
• math problem solver (2)
• Masterpost of writing software
• online ruler
• pull an all nighter but do well on your exam
• Stress Analyst
• when to go to sleep/wake up
• how to wake up in the morning
• learn how to study
• Masterlist of study tips
• How to cite
• Take online college courses
• How to multiply big numbers

focus

• sleep calculator (wake up feeling refreshed!)
• chrome site blocker (use these to block websites so you can finally get work done!!)
• firefox site blocker
• mac site blocker
• have some self control (for macs also)
• focus playlist (i use this to study all the time!)
• how to find focus
• chill playlist
• concentration playlist
• study playlist
• coffee shop blues
• relaxation
• masterpost of sounds of nature
• get a cute kitten after doing your work!!

beauty (credit for most of these!)

• how to improve your self-esteem (because you’re beautiful!)
• flaws to embrace
• Newspaper nail tutorial
• fun makeup masterpost
• filling in eyebrows
• twin buns
• how to contour
• everyday makeup routine
• how to make any color of lipstick… from crayons
• natural beauty remedies
• the trick to liquid eyeliner
• messy bun tutorial
• skirt types
• Black/gold ref 1
• Cosplay eye makeup
• Rotting skin halloween makeup
• cool makeup tips
• stylish eye makeup
• fashion guide/vocabulary
• makeup hacks
• different ways to braid your hair
• messy buns tutorial
• how to make your own temporary tattoo
• apply eyeliner, mascara, and curl lashes with a spoon
• 5 of the best foundations
• acne foundation routine
• best powder foundations
• quick foundation tip
• how to apply liquid foundation
• makeup highlights tutorial
• blush for your skin tone
• how to apply bronzer
• how to contour your face
• apply blush like a pro
• blush according to your face shape
• fake freckles with make-up
• how to wash your face 101
• ombre eyeliner
• d.i.y. gel liner
• get the perfect winged liner
• get winged liner using tape
• awesome eyeliner tricks
• 9 different eyeliner looks
• different eyeliner styles
• glittery smoky eye
• get the perfect smoky eye
• get beautiful lashes
• how to apply fake lashes
• best eyebrows for your face shape
• get the perfect eyebrows
• eyebrow solutions
• make-up tricks for brown eyes
• get rid of dark circles
• how to change your eye shape
• a shade for every occasion
• kool-aid lip stain
• best lipsticks for blondes
• hot red lips
• how to get gradient lips
• how to make any lipstick look matte
• get soft kissable lips
• make-up brush tutorial
• brush tricks
• make-up brush guide
• long lasting makeup tricks
• victoria’s secret model tips
• saving face
• beginner’s guide
• when will it expire?
• 10 makeup tips from mac
• best tips from professionals
• 18 beauty essentials
• basics you should own

tumblr

• tons of resources for textures/psds/and backrounds
• tons of theme makers
• theme hunter
• learn how to make tumblr themes
• pixels galore
• more pixels
• good pixel blog
• kawaii emoji’s
• textures galore
• psds galore
• tumblr picture sizes
• mass tag replacer
• post a bunch of things from a blog’s archive
• really good redux edits
• backgrounds
• see problems with your blog/website
• see your old themes (also switch back to a theme!)
• Photoshop tutorials
• Find any reaction GIF

Photo Editing

• punk edit tutorial
• remove backgrounds without photoshop
• topaz-like action
• glitch tutorial
• double exposure effect
• photoshop brushes masterpost
• this blog has a lot of ps resources
• so does this one
• in depth tutorial on how to make a gif
• pretty much any photoshop tutorial you will ever need
• photoshop help (2) (3) (4)
• resources for photoshop

Music

• find mp3 files for any song
• avatar soundtrack
• nirvana’s albums
• panic! at the disco
• ed sheeran
• amy winehouse
• paramore
• all time low
• unreleased katy perry
• punk goes …
• fall out boy (not the newest album)
• sleeping with sirens
• imagine dragons
• darren criss
• green day
• ke\$ha

Art

• how to draw ears
• how to make an animated film
• learn how to draw anything
• turn your paper art into digital
• skeleton practice drawing tool thingy
• how to draw semi- realistic eyes
• how to make pixel art
• good reference for drawing water
• free digital sculpting tool
• silk - interactive generative art
• Painting tutorial
• Female/male arms
• Kneeling + Sitting ref
• SAI brushes 86786
• Drawing expressions
• Sai Brushes
• NGE colour palette
• 100+ colour palletes
• Avoiding same face
• Face contours/highlighting
• free art MyPaint
• Body anatomy help
• How to shift images using blur in PS
• Drawing clothe folding
• How to draw ice
• Colour palette
• Colour palette
• SAI brush settings
• SAI/PS pixel brushes
• Warm/Cool gray
• Flower crown tutorial
• Skin colour palette
• Pink colour sheet
• How to draw butts&thighs
• The male torso
• Drawing glowing stuff in SAI
• Drawing horse/animal legs on humans
• Drawing clouds
• Muscular male with bow stock photos
• Pastel colours
• Drawing grass fields in SAI
• Expressions&Legs
• All about the human body
• 20+ colour palettes
• Colour conversion
• Kissing ref
• Creature design
• Colour meanings
• Creating expression
• Tutorial masterpost (100+)
• Lineart
• Canine
• How to colour
• Pose studies
• Feline comparisons
• How to draw penis
• Leaf pressing
• 100+ anatomy references
• How to draw folds
• SAI brushes 3
• Sitting poses
• Colour palette 4
• Cloud painting
• How to draw 3D rooms
• Colour info
• Colouring ref
• Hair tutorial
• Clothing ref
• Bodies and poses
• SAI brushes 5
• Colour scheme designer
• Folding ref
• Paint tool SAI masterpost
• Drawing ref masterpost (10+)
• Hair+Fur
• How to draw faces
• SAI brushes 4
• Anatomy of mutant humans
• What should I draw?
• Free art software
• pastel colour ref
• Mass art ref
• Soft SAI brushes
• ways to draw stuff
• SAI brush settings
• baseball cap ref
• Penis ref
• Drawing human wings
• Cool free art software
• Huge art ref
• Colour blender
• 2 SAI brushes
• Colorwheel
• How to accurately draw arms
• anatomy and rotation of the head
• human anatomy for artists
• speed drawing studies
• nude references
• hands
• arm and wing movement
• beer bellies
• body types
• noses
• box and egg/run of the stroke
• a trick for arm proportions
• body diversity
• anatomy of the waist
• feet
• hands and forearms

Bored

• Boredom masterpost
• really interesting websites
• cute videos
• vines
• free hugs
• fun sites masterpost
• useless websites
• play some dumb games
• color matching game
• games you played back in the day
• really cute online games
• cards against humanity pdf (a must!!)
• sushi cat
• takes you to a random location and you have to guess where you are
• akinator, the web genie (like guess who!!)
• create a fake tweet

Feeling down?

• cutting
• suicide
• talk it out
• venting
• alternatives
• the quiet place
• need a hug?
• just breathe.
• emergency compliment
• draw a stickman
• coping skills and distractions
• calming gif
• break something
• cut something (blood) (trigger warning)
• get a hug
• play cute games
• see something cute
• how to love yourself
• Stuff to do if you’re having a bad day
• Stuff you can do to help someone smile
• Alternative to self harm
• Basic ED recovery help
• Alternative to self harm (2)
• Alternative to self harm (3)
• Someone to talk to
• How to deal/talk with bipolar and depressed people
• If you’re having a bad night
• Movies to watch when you’re down
• Confidence

Movies/TV

• watch tons of tv/movies
• movies for when you can’t sleep
• movies by genre
• disney movies (so good omg)
• harry potter movies
• johnny depp movies
• zombie movies
• A list of scary movies with recovery
• A list of teen movies
• Disney Channel Movies from 1998-2013
• One of the best movie selections
• tumblr dedicated to find finding movies
• when to pee during a movie
• Hannibal ( back-up link )
• Bob’s Burgers (1-3)
• How I Met Your Mother
• Who’s Line Is It Anyway
• Kitchen Nightmares
• Teen Wolf
• Bates Motel
• Game Of Thrones
• Misfits
• Avatar: The Last Airbender
• Orphan Black
• Orange Is The New Black
• American Horror Story
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
• Criminal Minds
• Supernatural (season 1) (season 2) (season 3) (season 4) (season 5) (season 6) (season 7) (season 8)
• Freaks and Geeks
• Dexter
• Game Of Thrones
• Whose Line is It Anyway

Food

• thousands of quick and easy snack recipes
• cheap & healthy snacks
• quick and easy soup recipes
• chocolate muffin in a mug tutorial
• study snacks
• 40 on-the-go breakfast recipes
• macaroni cheese / mac&cheese in a cup
• panera mac n cheese recipe
• fricking recipes
• harry potter recipes
• healthy recipes
• s’mores pie
• nutella hot chocolate
• peanut butter nutella swirl cookies
• starbucks holiday drinks
• fruit leathers (like fruit roll-ups, only much better)
• Yummy apple thing
• Egg tacos
• How to microwave more than one bowl at a time
• How to make the perfect cup of tea
• Peach cobbler
• Healthy lunches
• Tons of pies
• Cookie dough you can eat
• Why you should go vegan
• Shelf life of food
• How to make different looking cookies
• Website for lack of ingredients
• Cheeseburger cupcakes

Workout

• daily workout
• tone your arms without weights
• pilates workout for a slimmer waist
• abs all night challenge
• bye bye muffin top
• 1-2-3 ab work out
• get a flat stomach
• What Makes You Bootyful Challenge
• Call Me Maybe Squat Challenge
• lean legs pyramid
• dancer’s legs workout
• legs like eleanor calder
• 8 minute morning work out
• cardio/strength workout
• fat blaster workout
• Burning stomach fat

Any tips on how to get your foundation and concealer to not look cakey? I have that problem some times and I'm not sure if it's lack of skill or if I'm missing something. Also any tips for a contouring noob?

*cracks knuckles* Aightsoboom

PRIMER, PRIMER, PRIMER. Silicon based primers are everything to me. Especially if you have more pronounced pores bc if you put foundation on sans primer it’ll sit in those pores and then you’ll add more foundation to compensate for that which leads to a freshly baked cake on your face.

Also, I see people putting on a lot of foundation and powder (in real life and online) and yes that may photograph beautifully but in person, it looks cakey. You really don’t need so much foundation for your face.

SOMETHING ELSE I SEE WHICH GRIND MY FUCKING GEARS, is people setting their face with a pressed foundation powder. Now listen if you are one of my beautifully chocolate girls then I get it, translucent powder (and even banana powder) can have you out here looking all types of crazy but there are brands that make setting powders in other shades (I’ll be happy to post some links bc honestly the powders look BOMB and I need some for my clients) but circling back to layering foundations, to do your makeup is to add layers to your skin. putting a heavy powder (or just a fuck ton of powder) on your face over your foundation is to add a layer to your skin which you may not need!

SKINCARE, SKINCARE, SKINCARE. The easiest way to a flawless and smooth foundation is to have a nice, healthy, taken care of base. A lot of times foundation will cling to dry patches on your face (if you have them) or just dead skin that you have on your face so EXFOLIATE, not every day!! At most 3 times a week depending on need, please consult with a skin care professional, I can give you the information of an online one if you would like, she gives a personalized skin care consultation to revamp a routine or help figure out how to deal with any skin problems you may have. She is amazing seriously. (and a personal friend who has skincare down to a science)

Technique!! The technique you use to apply your foundation is a big factor in how the finish will look! I think the best technique is stippling motion, either with a brush or a sponge, really pressing the product into your skin can help it melt and blend into the skin, achieving that flawless finish we all crave.

Concealer, DON’T APPLY TOO MUCH AND ONLY PUT IT ON AFTER YOUR FOUNDATION. Concealer is made for problem areas, and some of these areas are covered adequately with foundation, so put your foundation on first and then take a look, if you can still see redness or breakouts through the foundation then you can conceal them. Also for under the eye again NOT TOO MUCH putting a fuck ton of concealer on under your eye is not only harmful to the very delicate skin under your eye but it causing a lot of creasing as the day goes on. So, conceal sparingly under the eye. Also, try to avoid really heavy or chunky/creamy concealers, I love the Urban Deacy Naked Skin concealers bc they are SO lightweight.

Contouring is a kind of personalized thing, to adequately advise on that I’d need to know your face shape and undertones.

I hope this helped!! Ask me to elaborate on anything that isn’t clear!

Talk to me about makeup guys!!

Thomas: “I need to learn how to regularly apply foundation… I feel like I’m unnecessarily living my life without makeup.”

@benjpierce: “it changes ur life when u get it down”

Thomas: “trust me, you’re one of the examples that have gotten me thinking!!”

If you’re struggling like I am - Ch. 2

Summary: You are hired as a makeup artist for BigHit working with BTS. You are older than all of them, yet, despite your best efforts, you find yourself slowing falling in love with the youngest member.

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader, Jungkook X Noona

Genre: Angst, Fluff and Smut

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 2021 22 23 24 25 26 27(final)

Chapter 2 - American Hustle Life

The boys go to America.

Word Count: 1214 (of 72622)

How to Apply Foundation

When it comes to foundation there are a variety of different techniques and tools you can use to ace your base including, but not limited to brushes, fingers and sponges  Foundation is one of the most important steps in makeup (next to brows) and if you don’t get your foundation right, nothing else in your makeup will look amazing.

Hey, how would the brothers comfort their and help their s/o through a hard depressive state? (I'm going through one rn and it is honestly the worst I have had in months)

This goes out to all of you struggling with depression and going through a hard time. (｡•́︿•̀｡) Better days will come.

Osomatsu:

He’s super excited to see you and probably has a million new stories and just as many stupid ideas to tell you about, but he instantly stops goofing around as soon as he notices something’s not okay with you. His expression turns serious and he kind of contemplates on what to do for a moment when he sees you’re deliberately trying to avert his gaze, but he decides to go for it anyway. Touching your hand gently, he starts caressing your skin with his thumb and softly interlocking your fingers, and the gesture makes you look at him by instinct.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks in that sweet tone of voice, and he’s smiling at you, but it’s not his usual cheeky, playful smile. It’s soft and full of love and also makes you want to cry for some reason. The fact that you’re not replying leads him to the conclusion that you’re battling yet one of those days again, but he asks if anything particular happened to make sure, as he leads you into a preferably empty room. He drags a blanket out of the closet and grabs his favorite snack from who knows where it’s the safest in the Matsuno household. He insists on sharing it with you, regardless of you having appetite or not.

Asks you if you want him to hold you for a while, and he either pulls you up to his chest and lets you cry or just feel miserable as he strokes your back soothingly, or just lays down by your side with the newest volume of the manga he’s currently reading to keep you company. Won’t really ask you to talk about it, because he knows at this point that there are no specific explanations and you don’t know the answer either.

Karamatsu:

He had tried everything so far, buying you flowers, your favorite food, bringing you small animals (he ended up with bruises and scratches all over his arms), singing you a song, writing you a song, etc., but even though you smiled at him and told him he’s really sweet and caring, none of them seem to have actually… worked. You have to explain to him the feeling just comes and goes, and nothing can really make you feel better, at least not in the sense Karamatsu thinks, and he listens intently, wanting to understand your struggles. He decides to stick with whatever can get you to forget about your current state, even if it’s just for a little while, so expect him to continue to bring surprise gifts and shower you with love and affection.

He makes sure you eat and drink well, because “non, non, you have to stay hydrated, darling”. If the weather is great, he takes you up to the rooftop, accompanied with his guitar, and sings soft lullabies to you until you doze off in the sunlight.

He’s very good at making you feel loved and appreciated, and he will tell you over and over how wonderful he thinks you are and how much you mean to him. You know that even if he whole world is against you, at least Karamatsu is by your side.

Choromatsu:

He probably gets super anxious at the beginning of the relationship, because he doesn’t know what to do, fidgeting around nervously when you ask him to stay by your side, and it probably makes you feel even more horrible seeing him like that, so he does his best to research upon the subject and try to understand what you’re going through the logical way. When he knows what he’s doing, he turns into a doting mother: reminds you to take your pills (if you take any), makes sure you have at least some food in your stomach, and finds a quiet place where you can be alone together.

He offers to watch a movie with you on Totty’s laptop, and he lets you get comfortable in his embrace, but he will be sure to position himself so he could still reach your hand. Keeps holding and rubbing it soothingly the entire time, and he will also glance at you from time to time to make sure you’re properly immersed in the story, because, hey, getting your mind off of whatever’s going inside your head seemed to have helped him in the past, too.

Since he’s also struggling with irrational thoughts on an everyday basis, he’s the perfect person to actually try and talk to about what or how you feel. He will be sure to prove you how illogical is what your brain is whispering to you. Comes over to your place more frequently to see if there’s any housework he can help with.

Ichimatsu:

You’re probably the one who made him realize he’s suffering from the same thing, and you’ve been even closer since. You taught him various ways of how to make it feel less terrible, and he shared you his coping mechanisms in return. He knows exactly what to do when he finds you in another really depressive state.

Surprisingly enough, he is the one that tries to make you put effort into the smallest things, like eating a good meal or taking a shower, because he knows they will at least physically make you feel a little better. Offers you a nice, long nap, the proper kind, with pillows and a futon, and he either holds you close or just flings a leg over yours and puts your hands together, depending on how you’re feeling. When you wake up, he insists you take a walk in the sunset. Jyushimatsu often drags him out when he feels particularly shitty, and in the end, no matter how much pain in the butt it felt to even get dressed for it, he’s always somewhat glad he did so, and he figrues it’s gonna be the same for you, too. You two hold hands as you walk along the river, slowly, steadily, lazily, stopping by to pet cats on the way.

Jyushimatsu:

The first time he sees you have a breakdown, it completely breaks his heart. Your smile and laughter means everything to him, and he tries so desperately to find something that makes you feel happy again. He makes funny faces, brings you food, carries you around your favorite places in town, carries you up a mountain to show you a beautifully blossoming tree, he would literally bring down the stars for you, but soon he has to realize none of these will help with your kind of sadness.

After consulting probably either Choromatsu or Ichimatsu, he now knows how to approach the situation, and he comes up with a very Jyushimatsu idea of how to keep your company.  Whenever you feel so overwhelmed and terrible you don’t even want to talk to anyone, but still crave human interaction and some sort of validation of your existence, he lays next to you and draws. Draws himself riding something that vaguely reminds you of a dolphin to battle. Draws hilariously hideous stick figures of his brothers and makes a funny story with them as the protagonists. His art gets more and more detailed until it shifts into ridiculously detailed caricatures. You reply with your drawings or complete his masterpieces, and it makes you feel like you’re a kid again, passing funny notes to each other in class – it feels somewhat liberating. You two fool around and laugh, even if it’s not a 100% happy laughter, it’s at least there.

When Jyushimatsu sees that ugly dark cloud get the better of you no matter how hard he tries to distract you from it, he brings a blanket and rolls both you and himself up into a burrito, and declares nap time. Just sleeping next to him might make you feel a little better when you wake up.

Todomatsu:

He thinks about what would he appreciate someone did for him if he ever were in your shoes, and tries to act accordingly. For starters, he would love to be pampered to death, obviously, so he, the spoiled littlest brother, buys, or sometimes even makes you sweets, and does your laundry, and washes the dishes and takes out the trash. Impressive, isn’t it? It makes Totty happy, too, because not only is he helping you, but he also feels like he’s taken the first step towards independence.

And secondly, skincare has never betrayed or disappointed him, so he suggests you put face masks on and just chill with some drinks and stare at the ceiling or watch stupid talk shows you can make fun of. The next step is putting on makeup – if you usually wear makeup, then because of that, and if you don’t, then because of that. There’s no wrong time or place to be beautiful, Totty claims, and trust him, he’s got skills when it comes to applying that foundation and mascara. He knows how to put on a killer winged liner, and he can make it look feminine, masculine, or even neutral.

He snuggles up to you once you’re finished, scrolling through his feed on his phone and showing you all the stupid stuff and the cute animals, and you two end up watching funny videos until both of you doze off.

Shut the fuck up, Parker (Peter Parker x Reader)

Request: Can you do an imagine where spiderman and the reader are enemies when they’re “working” but in the day, they’re mutual and one day spidey has to get her out of trouble because she gets drugged and taken sry for English it’s not my main language :(

A/N: This is like 1800 words and pretty angsty, so you can get popcorn if you’d like hahaha! Hope you like it!

‘’Have you finished the Chemistry project?’’ Peter asks as he sits next to you on top of a building.
‘’I’ll do it when I get home’’ you say, trying to find somebody doing something bad, bored of waiting.
‘’I can help-shit, look over there’’ he says quickly, putting on his mask and pointing at your left.
Turning your head, you see a group of 6 men surrounding a boy around 18, a gun in one of the man’s hand. Just as you are about to go over there with Peter, the radio on your waist makes a sound.
‘’NYCPD, we have a robbery with hostages at the bank in front of Central Park. Robbery with hostages at the bank in front of Central Park. At least 20 men with guns’’ a voice says.
You look at Peter, knowing what he wants to do.
‘’We don’t have time, Peter’’ you whisper. ‘’We have to make it to the bank now.’’
‘’What about the boy? He is going to get beaten’’ he says, looking at him. ‘’You can take care of the bank.’’
‘’Peter, there are 20 men at the bank. The boy will have to make his way out of it’’ you hiss, mad at your best friend for always wanting to save everyone. ‘’There are hostages, Peter.’’
‘’Well, then wait for me to help the boy and we’ll go together!’’ he says, getting nervous. ‘’Stop being so damn selfish and doing only what you want! It doesn’t even look as if you tried to save people, only get a good reputation! Not helping that guy makes you as responsible for what happens to him as the people who do it!’’
‘’You know what? Forget it. I’ll go alone. Good luck saving that stupid boy’’ you say, extremely mad, before using your powers to teleport to the rooftop of the bank. Getting inside really quietly, you look around and see around 30 men -more than what the police expected. You already know you aren’t going to make it out unharmed if Spiderman doesn’t arrive soon, but you can’t wait. There are at least 20 people being held as hostages while the robbers take everything they can, searching for even more information on the computers.
You teleport behind a man and hit him in the back of his head, making him pass out, and you take his gun while putting a finger to your lips telling everyone to remain silence. You teleport back to where you were before, trying to decide what to do. Just as you are about to leave your hiding spot, somebody grabs you from behind and kicks you on your back, making you fall to the ground. You groan and cough, blood leaving your mouth. You try to teleport, but the man hits your side one second before you do it. You try to breathe slowly, then, but you know you have to rush if you want to save the hostages.
Regaining strength, you manage to take down 13 men in 5 minutes, teleporting constantly from place to place and surprising them from behind. You are tired and you wait for Peter to arrive, but he doesn’t, and that also makes you worry.
As you take down other 2 men, Spiderman swings inside the bulding, kicking 3 men on his way. Between the both of you, the robbers are quickly on the ground and the police enters the building, helping the hostages.
You know one of your ribs is broken, and you can feel a huge bruise beginning to form on your side. You are still spitting blood, and after teleporting for so long, you know you are gonna pass out in a few minutes.
‘’Hey, [Y/N], I’m sorry I didn’t-‘’ Peter says, pulling you apart from the crowd around the hostages and the police. People are taking pictures of the two of you, and before even giving him a chance to finish his sentence, you teleport back to your house, passing out just as you touch the ground.

The next morning, you wake up sore, your body hurting everywhere. You get ready for school, putting a bandage around your whole body to help the rib and applying some ice to the bruise. You notice a huge bruise covering the whole side of your face, already purple. You decide to wear a hood to school that day, knowing no matter how much foundation you apply, it will still show through.
Saying a quick bye to your parents, you make your way to school, walking slowly as your legs are still sore, not wanting to teleport in fear of passing out again. You tend to get Peter to help you when you get more beaten up than usual, but you are still mad at him for leaving you alone and being rude to you the night before.
Right as you reach your locker, you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch. Turning around, you see Peter, a worried look on his face.
‘’Are you okay?’’ he says, trying to find your eyes under your hood.
‘’Well, I have a broken rib, a bruise covering half of my body and probably a broken nose,’’ you say with a fake laugh ‘’so no.’’
‘’What?’’ he exclaims, removing your hood before you can stop him. He takes a step behind, surprised at what he sees. ‘’How did you -oh my God, I’m so sorry’’ he whispers. You put your hood back on before anybody else sees you and walk to class, Peter by your side. ‘’Are you mad?’’ You don’t answer and keep walking, saying hi to some of your friends, eyes on the ground. ‘’Look, I understand that I should have gone earlier, but I had to help that guy. It’s not my fault that they beat you up.’’
‘’Shut the fuck up, Parker’’ you hiss. ‘’It’s not that. I don’t care about my face. I care about you being an asshole. That boy probably deserved what was coming to him. Let me guess -he bought drug and didn’t pay for it’’ you say. When he doesn’t answer, you know you are right and scoff. ‘’And while he was being stupid and you were helping him and I was fighting and getting my ass kicked, I was hoping that somebody who had practically called me a horrible person wouldn’t be in danger. You didn’t even apologize.’’
You make your way through the crowded hallways, leaving Peter standing there, and walk straight to class, avoiding him for the rest of the day.

Leaving school and not waiting for Peter to walk with you, you start your way home. You start to hear footsteps behind you, and before you can even teleport, something hits the back of your head and makes you pass out.

Opening your eyes, you find yourself inside of a cage and tied to a chair. There is a man right in front of you, and as he walks closer to him, you find him to be the man that kicked you the day before.
‘’Hello, sweetheart. You remember me, right?’’ he asks, his voice rough. You try to teleport, but your powers aren’t working. You start to panic, fearing you will be stuck in there forever. ‘’Nice cage, huh? It retains your powers so that they don’t work -although you have probably guessed it by now’’ he laughs. ‘’You should wear a better mask, by the way. It fell so easily when I hit you last night -such a shame to have such a pretty face ruined. I didn’t think you’d be so young.’’
You look around, trying to find an escape and finding none.
‘’Where am I and what do you want from me?’’ you ask, trying to untie the knots securing your hands.
‘’You are still in Queens. I hope your friend will come and save you, since he would be a nice addition to my new collection. And as for what I want from you -I only want to know how you got your powers’’ he says, looking directly at you.
‘’I was born with them’’ you whisper, realizing there is no way Peter is going to find you. Fear is starting to run through your veins as you realize you are probably going to die that day.
‘’That I do not believe, pretty girl’’ the man says, entering the cage. He slowly runs a finger down your face, pressing on the bruise and making you flinch.
‘’Take your hand off of me, weirdo’’ you say, trying to sound sure and serious.
‘’Talk to me with respect’’ he says, and just as his hand is about to hit the bruised side of your face, a web is stuck to it, stopping it.
‘’The lady said to take your hands off of her’’ Peter says, as he swings inside the building.
You let out a strangled breath you didn’t know you were holding and Peter quickly defeats the man, rushing over to you and untying your hands.
‘’Hey, hey, [Y/N], are you okay?’’ he whispers, holding your face in his hands with so much carefulness, it almost makes you cry. He takes off his mask, his eyes full of worry as he looks at you. ‘’I’m so sorry. I-I thought you were gone and I hadn’t apologized for being a dick and I-I thought I would never see you again and I was so scared’’ he says, a few tears in his eyes. You press your forehead softly to his, tears in your eyes as well. ‘’I understand you. I understand that you work for the big cause and that sometimes you need to leave something behind to do it. I may not think that is the right way, but I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t before. Please forgive me.’’
You put your hands on his cheeks, caressing them with your thumbs.
‘’I forgive you, Peter. It’s fine’’ you say softly. ‘’I thought I was gonna die -I was so scared, and the only thing I could think about was that you thought I was mad and that you didn’t know I love you and I-I don’t want to hide it anymore’’ you say before kissing him, him kissing you back.
It is a short kiss, since Peter doesn’t want to hurt you, and when you pull apart he smiles softly, his cheeks red.
‘’I have always wanted to do that’’ he whispers, his breath against your lips. ‘’And now let me take you home, you are way too tired to teleport right now’’ he says before wrapping his arms carefully around your waist and swinging off the building, leaving the man webbed up to the ground for the police to arrest him.

Anyone can be a femboy!

So I’ve heard about several people mentioning that they feel too masculine to be a femboy, despite their desire to become one and to fit into the stereotype of one and/or the culture. I just wrote a short thing today about the issue relating to that, and how one can do things to improve their look if that is truly what they desire, as well as how to come to terms with who you are, what you look like, and how it relates to being a femboy.

So say a man is really masculine. Like stereotypically masculine in terms of what modern society tends to envision. I’m talking the square jaw, hairy legs, broad shoulders, heavy-set eyes, big bushy brows, loads of body hair, big hairy feet, big hands… hell I could go on forever XD. You get the point. Let’s say there’s this one guy that has all of those attributes, but is not comfortable with them and wishes they were different. He wants to be a femboy, or at least embrace his feminine qualities to a certain degree. What does he do? He is self-conscious about wearing girl clothes or shaving his legs, or growing out his hair… and he doesn’t think that he would look good like that, so he doesn’t bother to change, despite how hard it is for him to try and cope with what he was born with. What should he do? This is a simple answer to a simple question.

The answer is always embrace yourself first. Don’t think about things too much. Act on what you know is going to allow you to feel true to how you were born. It is entirely understandable if a guy wants to appear effeminate but doesn’t feel he is capable of doing it. I myself feel similar at times. I’m an acrobat. I’m pretty damn buff, and I can’t wear everything that I would ever want without it barely fitting over my super broad shoulders. There are things one can do to make it easier though, if one feels the need to act. There is not always a need, but it depends on the person, and how dedicated they are to appearing a certain way. Below are a few tips to those of you who may be struggling with fitting into your idea of the stereotypically feminine aesthetic or the aesthetic/style of a femboy.

1. Completely shave all of your facial hair, wash with a soft soothing soap, and then apply a good quality moisturizer (preferably oil free, especially if you have issues with acne).

2. Grow your hair out and only shampoo once a week maybe two. You can go without shampooing for a long time. It sounds gross, but it’s better to do conditioner scrubs more often. Shampoo can be insanely damaging to your hair, especially in the long run, and you can preserve your hair and keep it free from split ends for several months if you take a break from all that shampooing. Conditioning more often will only strengthen your hair. Avoid dyes and heat as well. Wear a shower cap if you’re taking a shower and not conditioning or shampooing your hair. The less exposure your hair has to that degree of heat the better. If you take cold showers then you are fine. Just remember that if you want to grow you hair out really quickly. Stay completely natural, and then worry about doing crazy and colorful things to it after you have it at your desired length. You will likely regret it if you slow it down.

3. Shave your legs. Use plenty of shaving cream/conditioner/soap, or anything that works like a lubricant. Shave upwards against the hair to get the closet shave. Shave gently to avoid razor burn.

4. Learn how to correctly apply makeup that contours your face according to how it is uniquely shaped. With enough practice, contouring with makeup can transform your look to a point where you can look like an entirely different person. Make sure to use makeup that doesn’t irritate or promote acne. Good quality makeup will often be more expensive, but it will sometimes come in larger quantities and will likely be well worth the expense. You should learn how to correctly apply eyeliner, mascara, foundation, powder… all that stuff. You don’t need everything, but it is good to know how to use it all in case you ever feel like switching up your style a little bit. Makeup is like clothing. You can do so much with it, and you’d be amazed at how well you can change your entire appearance with just a few slight adjustments when you apply it. Watch YouTube tutorials on makeup. There are a gazillion tutorials relating to makeup, and many of them are quite good. I recommend Joseph Harwood. He is an androgynous makeup artist who is basically able to transform himself into anyone he wants through contouring, shading and a wide variety of other techniques relating to the art of makeup. He is AMAZING XD.

5. Pick clothes that contour to your body, and that give the illusion of a slimmer more curvy figure. A lot of this will take personal experimentation and finding the clothes that work for you. Ask around for help from people who are good with fashion and are willing to help you. You can always ask me though too.

Ask me any questions anytime! Sometimes I get insanely busy and it gets really hard for me to find time for social media. Sometimes I can’t get back for days and occasionally even weeks. Lol I know it sucks… but that’s what you get when you are trying to go to college, maintain a farm, work two jobs and record your music all at the same time, all the while living an hour and a half out of the city… But I will do my best to post stuff and answer questions as often as I can! I hope you all are doing well. There are plenty more posts to come. =^-^=

In honor of trans day of visibility 2016:

General resources:

• local resources
• gender masterpost
• LGBT social group meetups
• agender chatroom
• trans chatroom
• transgender faq
• Everything Gender Part 1 (Video)
• Everything Gender Part 2 (Video)
• The trans teen’s guide to dating
• Literature with LGBT+ characters
• LGBT+ Films
• family issues
• Transgénero (Spanish article on all things trans)
• Transgender Religious Expression and Spirituality
• tips for living stealth (written for trans men but also applies for trans women)
• gender therapy

Trans related terminology:

• transwhat
• transhealth
• transgender glossary (this one’s a bit outdated)
• becomingus (includes the dos and don’ts of using certain trans-related words)
• transgender faq
• list of gender identities
• Glossary of Transgender, Non-Binary and Genderqueer Words
• Definitions

• Gender identity flowchart
• What is gender?
• Understanding gender
• What am I?
• list of gender identities
• Am I Transgender? (Video)
• Being Trans (Video)
• I Think I Might be Transgender, Now what do I do?

Pronouns:

• What’s a pronoun?
• Gender Neutral Pronouns (Video)
• The Pronoun Place
• Gender Neutral Language
• How Non-Binary Pronouns Work
• Guide to Non-Binary Pronouns
• Gender Neutral Titles
• pronouns
• How to Correct People’s Pronoun and Name Slip-Ups

Intersex:

• INSA
• Interact Youth
• What it’s Like (Video)
• What is Intersex?
• Intersex Definition
• Male, Female, or Intersex

Nonbinary resources:

• Nonbinary support blog
• Unisex names
• Living as Nonbinary (Spanish)
• Genderqueer (Spanish)
• Nonbinary Flowchart
• Explaining Genderqueer
• Genderqueer and Hormones (Video)
• The Nonbinary Safespace
• Nonbinary Autistics
• Gender Queeries
• Nonbinary.org
• Genderqueer ID
• Hell Yeah, Agender!
• A-Gender
• Genderless Person (Video)
• When no Gender Fits
• Androgyne Online
• Practical Androgyne
• Ambiguous Sexuality
• Neutrois.me
• Neutrois.com
• Neutrois Nonsense
• What is Neutrois?
• Experiences as Neutrois
• Bigender Resources
• What it’s Like Being Bigender
• Demigender Safe Space
• Demi Safe Spot
• Introducing Demigender
• Subgenders
• Genderfluidity
• Genderfluid Facts
• Genderflux Support
• Teaching About Gender Fluidity (PDF)
• How can I Live as Genderfluid?
• Genderfluid Definitions

Two Spirit:

• 2spirits
• Who Are They?
• Native American Concepts
• Of Indigenous North Americans
• As They Are
• Two Spirits: The Story of a Movement

Other Cultural Based Genders:

• Hijra Wikipedia
• Hijra Takes place in Indian Law
• Kathoey Wikipedia
• Muxe Wikipedia
• In Mexico, Mixed Genders and Muxe
• Fa’afafines Wikipedia
• Fa’afafines: The Third Gender

Transfeminine resources:

• tucking masterpost
• Tucking and other skills
• trans women resources master post
• Makeup for beginners
• MtF resources
• Tucking and other skills
• Male to Female Support
• How to hide stubble
• Tucking How-to Guide
• low budget diy breast forms [video]
• Realistic Breast Form Tutorial (Video)
• The Breast Form Store
• How to make home made breast forms
• Women’s Clothing Terminology
• TheLeelahProject
• surgery booklet
• hrt booklet
• Trans Health Matters: Trans Women
• girl names + their meanings
• etiquette for women’s bathrooms
• MtF HRT
• Hormones: A guide for MTFs
• Hormone replacement therapy (male-to-female)
• Transgender Hormones - Transgender Care
• Feminizing HRT (for Male-to-Females) - Michele O'Mara, PhD
• Sex reassignment surgery (male-to-female)
• Vaginoplasty: Male to Female Sex Reassignment Surgery
• Surgery: A guide for MTFs (PDF)
• MTF GRS
• MTF surgeries price list (this is just for one surgery centre but can give you an idea of the estimated cost of any surgeries)

Transmasculine resources:

• The Art of Transliness
• What it’s like being on T
• Transmasc tips
• GC2B Binders
• Swimwear binders
• Binding : how to guide + safety
• FTM masterpost
• boy names + their meanings
• Workouts to Promote a More Masculine Figure
• Where to Get Men’s Clothes that Fit
• Dealing with the Dreaded Period
• Pros and Cons of Strap-On Sex for Trans Guys
• Relationship Tips for Trans Guys
• A Guide to STPs and Standing to Pee
• To Pack or Not to Pack
• Swimming as a Trans Guy
• Packing and Packers 101
• Everything You Need to Know About Binders and Binding
• Using the Men’s Bathroom
• All About Top Surgery and Nipples
• Androgel Q & A
• What to Expect from Testosterone and When
• Risks and Dangers of Illegal Testosterone
• Genital Changes on T
• 10 Common Myths about Medical Transition
• FTM Testosterone Therapy Basics
• FTM resource guide
• FTM transitioning guide
• effects of testosterone therapy
• FTM Chest Reconstruction Surgeries (includes Spanish translation link)
• Hysterectomy/Oophorectomy
• FTM Genital Reconstruction Surgeries (GRS)
• FTM Basics: Terminology
• Myths and Misconceptions about Testosterone, Transition, and Trans Men
• 1 year on testosterone: timeline of changes
• FtM HRT
• Hormones: A Guide for FTMs (PDF)
• The Philadelphia Centre for Transgender Surgery

Coming out:

• coming out tips
• Coming Out to Family and Friends
• Coming Out to Friends
• Coming Out to Partners
• Resources for Coming Out
• Coming Out as Nonbinary
• When Should You?
• How to Come Out to Parents
• Coming out & family issues
• How to Deal with Parents that are Not Accepting
• Tips for Coming out and Dealing with People
• Explaining Your Transition to Kids/Younger Family Members

Trans mental health:

• Gender spectrum: mental health
• More Subtle Dysphoria
• Dealing with Dysphoria and Helplessness
• 8 Signs and Symptoms of Dysphoria
• 25 Ways to Ease Dysphoria
• tips on coping with gender dysphoria
• How do I deal with dysphoria?
• how to cope with Gender Dysphoria
• transselfies: a trans body positivity blog
• How to Deal with Parents that are Not Accepting
• Trans suicide hotline
• emergency hotlines (U.S. only)
• international emergency hotlines
• Doubts, Decision, and Detransition
• Trans Lifeline

• Genderfork
• Gender inbetween
• anagnori
• transgenderteensurvivalguide
• transclothesexchange
• transresource
• the-lgbt-youth-blog
• transcending-anatomy
• transgenderhousingnetwork
• Susan’s Place
• transwhat
• transselfies
• Nonbinary support blog
• trans tips
• transgenderbenders

Trans resources

MTF

• gendercentere- mtf support
• Laura’s playground- mtf resource page
• How to tuck
• Bum enlarging shapers
• How to speak more feminine
• A guide to MTF hormones

Trans resources

General

• Fee wavers to change your name to a non-gendered or opposite gendered name (for all 50 US states)
• Transgender advice and resources list
• Transfriendly- online forum for trans community
• Transwhat- explaining the trans community

For allies

• What to do if your friends comes out to you
• PLAG’s guide to being an ally
• GSAN’s ally page
• UMASS’ how to be an ally page

Definitions

• Definitions of sexualities, identities, etc
• Difference between sex and gender (note: basically, sex means your sexual organs, if you have a penis or vagine, etc. Gender means what you identify with).
• Definitions between sex, gender, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation
• Genderqueer

Same sex marriage

• Freedom to marry map of states with same sex marriage
• State by state breakdown- very detailed
• Same sex marriage timeline
• My essay on the subject

Resources

• It gets better project
• Human rights campaign
• Point foundation- lgbt scholarship program
• Gay-straight-alliance network
• Trevor project (LGBT suicide prevention) resource page
• Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network

Trans gender & nonbinary Resources:

• Presentation
• Cheap Transition Starter Kits
• How to Take Measurements
• The Tumblr Transgender Clothes Exchange
• Reflectre Voice Pitch Tracker

Masculinizing

• Hudson’s FTM Resource Guide
• The FTM’s Complete Illustrated Guide to Looking Like a Hot Dude (warning for fatphobic language)
• Chest Binding 101
• The Do’s and Don’ts of Chest Binding
• FuckYeahBinders (Tumblr Blog, info and resources for binding)
• Underworks Pullover Binders
• Big Brother Binder Repository (For people 18+ [or emancipated minors] who cannot afford a binder. This link is to their FB page, but they will be moving again soon.)
• In a Bind Binder Donations
• Discreet STP Device
• Cotty Underwear (Boxer briefs w/fake bulge that can hold sanitary pads)
• The Male Fashion Fit Guide
• AK’s Guide to Suits (this is a drawing guide, but contains useful info)
• TopMan (Small size [XXS, XS, etc.] masculine clothing)
• Throat Exercise to Deepen Voice (Video)

Feminizing

• Tucking How-to Guide
• Realistic Breast Form Tutorial (Video)
• The Breast Form Store
• Cheap (Sale) Breast Forms
• Breast Form Adhesive Discs (For wearing breast forms without mastectomy bra)
• How to create cleavage using a silicone bra (video)
• Measuring Bra Size for Trans Women
• Women’s Clothing Terminology
• Chrysalis (Lingerie for Trans Women, autoplay music)
• Mastectomy Bras with Built In Flap for Breast Forms
• Cheap Control/Shaping Briefs
• Breast Form Adhesive Discs (For wearing breast forms without mastectomy bra)
• Miss A (Accessory/makeups \$1 shop)
• How to hide stubble (Tumblr post)
• How to Contour and Highlight Using Makeup (video)
• How to Apply Eyeliner with a Spoon (video)
• How to Apply Foundation (video)
• How to Apply Blush (video)
• How to Apply Eyeshadow (video)

Nonbinary Specific Resources

• Nonbinary.org
• Nonbinary Safe Space (Tumblr Blog)
• GenderQueerID (Tumblr Blog)
• Multilingual Pronoun List (Tumblr Page)

Emergency

• TransLifeline Support Hotline (Run by trans people, for trans people)
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Transgender Housing Network
• CrisisChat

Legal

• National Center for Transgender Equality
• Transgender Law Center

Medical

• Transgender Surgeons in the U.S.
• Center of Excellence for Transgender Health
• FTM Hormone Guide
• FTM Surgery Guide
• MTF Hormone Guide
• MTF Surgery Guide
• Mcalc Gender Neutral Menstruation Calculator (For Android)

Mental + Support

• Online Gender Therapy (can also issue letters of recommendation)
• Emotional Baggage Check
• TransSpace Reddit

School + Education

• Trans Student Education Resources
• Trans Student Scholarships
• Study Abroad for GLBT Students
• Applying to College as a Non-Binary Trans Person
• Harvey Milk High School, NY (High School designed as a safe space for LGBTQ+ youth)

Jobs

• List of Employers with Trans Friendly Policies
• TJobBank

• Susan’s Place Transgender Resources and Forums
• Laura’s Playground Transgender Resources
• REFUGE Restrooms (finds gender neutral bathrooms near you)
Guide to Feminine Clothing for Men

(do not interact if you’re a pórñ blog) This is meant to be a guide for men who want to begin dressing more femininely but maybe have difficulty knowing what will fit them, where to start, etc.

General:

• I tend to recommend Amazon a lot, for convenience and lower prices
• Check out blogs like @femininemalefashion@houseofalexander​ for more ideas
• A lot of items that are like, “Women’s [item of clothing that was only worn by men 60 years ago]” tend to be fairly androgynous. Women’s button down’s, pants, sweatshirts, cowboy boots, leather jackets, etc.
• This guide is heavily biased by my own fashion sense. Sorry!

Shoes:

• To find your size in both men’s and women’s, look at Vans sizing charts. You can find these on most Vans shoes available on Amazon. For example, click “size chart” on this page.
• If you aren’t used to wearing heels, try starting with boots that have a thick heel and are 1-2″. Not everything is 5″ stilettos. You can use search terms like “thick heel ankle boots” for this.
• You can pull of an androgynous look easily with a lot of Oxfords, sneakers, and women’s cowboy boots.

Shirts:

• The hard part with shirts is finding ones that fit. I think you should aim for either very loose fitting or very skin tight is going to be good.
• For example, a lot of crop tops are made of stretchy material so it doesn’t really matter what your exact proportions are, they’ll conform to them. Par example
• Or, anything very loose should fit. For example: XX
• You should probably avoid anything with cups, because then the item is probably tailored in such a way it won’t fit well. It’s hard to completely say, because it depends on the particular item of clothing.
• For sizes, you can look at Amazon’s size charts. You’ll probably just need to buy larger sizes.

Dresses:

• One size fits all dresses should work. I personally love Sakkas dresses, like this one: XX
• Like with shirts, anything stretchy around the top or very loose should fit.
• I find that cheaper dresses aren’t tailored as specifically, so they tend to be more or less one size fits all. Like a lot of cheap \$10-15 dresses from Forever 21 could work, because they’re kinda stretchy so they’ll fit a variety of body types.

Cosmetics:

• If you’re new to make-up, you’ve gotta start on easy things. Eyeliner and nude lipsticks are really easy to pull off. BB creams are also simple and helpful.
• Here is a cheap, good enough liquid eyeliner to start: XX To apply it, you are literally just drawing a dark edge around your eyes. You don’t have to do the entirety of the eye; for example, you could just put eyeliner on your eyelid and leave the lower part alone. It depends on your personal preference. For wings, I would suggest doing smaller, less noticeable wings to start, and then gradually making them larger as you get more used to applying eyeliner.
• L’oreal is some cheap lipstick to start with, and has lots of nude colors (42 on Amazon): XX Pick whichever you think matches your lip color best. These nude lipsticks are nice for enhancing the natural color of your lips.
• You can go into any CVS and put some BB creams on your arm to see which color matches your skin best. Your arm’s skin is not the same color as your face’s skin, so make sure to them hold it up to your face to see how it matches your face. If you like male marketing, Lab Series makes BB cream for men:
• When you’re getting the hang of doing this, then maybe think of moving onto other things: bronzers (for making your cheekbones stick out more), eyeshadow (to make your eyelids more colorful / sexy / smoky), mascara (to make your eyelashes darker), highlighters, foundations, concealers, primers, etc. To learn how to apply those things, I would recommend watching YouTube tutorial videos. Also, you don’t need to do all of those things. If it feels like a headache to learn all of that, you can always just stick to a little eyeliner and call it a day.
• For nail polish, I think men can pull off two things without it even seeming all that gender non-conforming: clear and black. With black, you’ll just look like you listen to metal or something. Either way, I recommend OPI brand nail polish. That link has 144 colors to choose from, so pick whichever you like. To dry, you should let your nails dry for like 5-10 minutes with air and then put them in ice cold water for like 2-3 minutes. Then be kinda careful for a bit to not scrape them hard against anything.

Socks:

• You can buy colorful men’s socks XX, cute women’s socks XX, it doesn’t really matter too much with socks when it comes to gender.

Underwear:

• You can buy women’s boxers/briefs if you prefer the material and designs
• You can also get some stylish men’s underwear. imo Crisp has some nice designs XX
• The Gay Packs monthly subscription really boasts about its “high quality underwear” so that might be something to check out

Coats:

• Cape coats are so obscure that I don’t think anyone even attributes a gender to them, even though they are technically women’s clothing. Here are some examples of cape coats: X Y Z
• Mordenmiss jackets are so big and loose fitting that they should fit a man’s body, no problem. A lot of them look kinda like art smocks.

14. Part 4

This is all so new to me, everything is being done for me. I am sat here while they fuss over me, Chris left me and I have nobody “you know what Tamia, she doesn’t really need a whole lot of makeup on. You lucky, some of these females be needing a hell of a lot of makeup on” EJ said while staring at my face “you’re so quiet, we don’t bite. I am sorry I made Chris go, it’s just. He kills the vibe you know. You don’t need him, he doesn’t know a thing about women and fashion. I promise you, we about to hook you up good” closing my eyes as Tamia applied my foundation on “tell me how you and Chris met, he kept you locked away” opening my eyes smiling “we met through a friend, I guess you know Lo. I went to one of Chris’ parties. I kindly declined him so many times, he wouldn’t leave me alone. I am just a simple girl, I work and go home. This is all so new to me” the third female in the room came into my eye view “you kindly declined Chris? Chris don’t do kind, you seem too damn nice for him. I am Munchie if you didn’t get my name” she is the loud one, I can tell “I am Rylee, nice to meet you” all three of these want to know so much “y’all can ask questions but I need to do her face, move!” Tamia spat, she has a point.

“Chris doesn’t like me wearing no bra, he insists I wear one” I sound so whipped, what is this “nobody cares what he think, this is why he is not here” EJ said as he fixed my outfit “you know what EJ, this is so bomb” Munchie pointed “I am so shook this actually fitted just fine, when people ask you who styled you. Tell them EJ. You know what, I haven’t even looked at your man, I hope he can dress him damn self. I gave him his outfit and he was like be gone” EJ got up from his knees “this whole outfit is Dior, head to toe, the bag too. The Jewellery and everything, it’s on Chris but I am excited for you to see the end look. I just want to say, before you look. You are so beautiful, my name won’t be EJ if you don’t get a modelling contract” he said, Tamia snorted “your name ain’t EJ anyways nigga” EJ kissed his teeth “you can look now” he clapped his hands smiling, I am all nervous now to see myself. Turning around seeing myself, I couldn’t help but laugh “oh shit” shaking my head looking away “I look…” I dragged out “a million dollars, yes you do!” EJ spat, staring at myself wearing an oversized fit, one fur sleeve and one pocket, a draped neckline. Pink is my colour, and these PVC boots are bomb “your bag madam, your Dior bag” EJ held the bag out for me “I give it back right?” I said “oh no, keep it. Chris paying for that girl, you take it” he waved me off, Chris can’t do all of this.

Placing the Dior bag down “I just want to say thank you so much to you all, I look so good. I promise to mention you all” Munchie waved me off “stop it, you look good. I added you on Insta by the way, now all we need is pictures. Won’t post it until after the show” this means I have to stand while they do this “sure” stepping back, I better get used to this actually “she doesn’t even need to try, this hurts my feelings a lot” Tamia said staring at her phone “this is my girl Rylee, you about to slay it on that show. You show them girl” EJ pointed the camera at us both as he walked over to me, he is recording us “who finna slay it, tell them bitch” EJ said “I am coming for you hoes” I pointed saying “yassss you tell them” EJ stopping the recording.

I am dying to take pictures and post them but I have to not expose myself just yet “we will be around if you need anything doing, like a makeup refresh” EJ said as he was packing things “you know if you need anything, any advice, please talk to me” he is so sweet “I actually do need advice, I am unsure about unlocking my Instagram account. Chris did say people will go crazy but I don’t want to shy away from something, my following has already gone crazy with requests” I am literally on the verge of unlocking it “after today nothing will be secret” he paused saying “unlock that shit, I am telling you now. Chris wouldn’t take any girl to this, he is serious about you” Munchie pointed saying “there is your answer” EJ pointed at munchie walking away.

My profile is now free for anyone to see, I have never had more than three hundred followers. I have well over a thousand already, this is scary “I am here now” hearing Chris say, locking my phone and jumping up from the couch. I just don’t know why I am always wanting his approval, I just don’t know why I am like this but it just happens. Turning around to face Chris, his manager saw me first “wow” he said, I guess that is a good thing “wow what?” Chris said looking down at himself before looking at me, feeling ever so shy with Chris staring at me like this “so, what do you think?” Tamia asked, with his mouth open his lips curled up “do I look good?” I said, he is not saying anything “yeah, you look beautiful. Wow, I mean you look good anyways but. Damn, I am lucky to have you” hearing the room groan out “I feel like I am letting my daughter go to prom with this nigga, you know what. Stop this shit, it’s not cute” Munchie said, I getting so warm under this now. He is staring me down, looking into my soul.

I can tell Chris wanted to say something to me but it has become so busy out of nowhere “you better work that shit Rylee, you make a name for yourself. You get them, they going to be like Chris who? Who is this female” EJ is really boosting me up “shoulders back too, you serve looks hunny. I seen you, I seen that fierce side. You go boo, I am right behind you” EJ grabbed my hand to turn me around “ok, let’s go, and your bag” he grabbed it from the side, grabbing the bag from him. This is so hectic, I feel so lost half of the time. Walking behind Chris, seeing Chris holding his hand out from behind him. Placing my fingers on his, he squeezed my hand “I need to speak to Rylee, just go ahead” Chris pulled me to the side, the rest walked down the lobby “I feel like I am underdressed, damn Rylee” placing my hand on his chest laughing “don’t say that” fixing this suit jacket “you look handsome, I like the grill on the bottom row. I love it” he does look nice “you are so bomb, you look so beautiful and I am so happy you are mine. I know people are going to want to know you, I feel I want to hide you now” he is being stupid, pecking his lips lightly “stop that, why would I want anyone else. I only want you stupid, why think that” he is being dramatic “you make me feel like this, just stay close by me” I will be latching onto him, I ain’t even leaving his side.

I am a little scared now that we are here “do I have to walk with you? Can I just meet you after?” I am not about this life at all “it will be a few pictures; you are walking with me. You’re supporting me, I am your man” when he says that I feel bad, I need to support him “fine, EJ gave me these shades to wear” placing them over my eyes “no, don’t. I love your eyes, show them off” he took them off, he didn’t even give me a chance “fine” looking ahead seeing the crowds of people “I feel sick now” this is awful “just follow me, I am proud to call you my girlfriend” the car came to a halt, seeing Joe and Carlos in suits opening the door “oh my god, is that Kanye West. What, oh my” my eyes widened, this is crazy because Kanye is just there “the only man you should care about is me” he is so moody at times “whatever noodle arms” he held his hand out for me to take, I don’t feel like holding his hand but I will.

Chris intertwined our fingers together as we walked, it seemed like he was nervous about this as much as I was, but I wonder what he is nervous about. Following behind Joe, Carlos behind me as we walked. There is so many famous people and I am ready to freak out, I see these people on the TV. Staring at Pharrell Williams in shock, I won’t say anything to Chris but oh my god. He is just there “what’s good?” Chris said to him, I am internally screaming at this “Chris, so good to see you” he spoke back to Chris, I am so damn excited “Pharrell!!” the people shouted “see you inside” he said to Chris before running off “Chris! Chris Brown!” the photographers shouted, I instantly wanted to move but I said I would support him. Chris started walking slowly “shoulders back!” hearing EJ’ voice, looking behind me. They all waved at me “serve the looks!” Tamia shouted, looking ahead of me feeling lost. I can do this, looking down at where I am walking. Standing at the side of Chris as I looked up, this is not a few photographers. There is loads all flashing at the same time, I need to suck it up and stop looking stupid. Taking in a deep breath, shoulders back and head held high as I looked around and still feeling lost in this, how does he do it.

The things the paparazzi shout are somewhat awful “Chris, who is the girl?” some woman ran over as we walked into the fashion show “my girlfriend, Rylee” Chris answered before we both got inside the Dior fashion show, this is insane that I am even here. I see all these people in magazines, on my Instagram feed but look where I am now, with these people “how was that?” Chris asked me smiling “erm, scary. I must look so confused and stupid” Chris shook his head “I promise you now, I know you looked good” with a firm grip still on my hand as we walked along to our seats, I am in shock at all of this because I am with famous people “we are here?” I said staring, front row at this thing. I don’t even deserve, Chris let go of my hand. Picking up the book and some other things and sat down, crossing my right leg over my left “do I look ok?” I asked Chris “can you put my bag down at the side of you” Chris side eyed me taking my bag.

My eyes slowly looking to the side of me, seeing that Kim Kardashian is sat right next to me. Closing my eyes trying not to freak out, I need to act right “hey” Chris said looking over, he got up from where he sat to say hi and then all of my dreams all came true. Like the love of my life, this woman is a woman I adore so much “my god” I said under my breath, Beyoncé is sat across me. Mother of god, fucking Beyoncé is here and is right there “Rylee” hearing Chris say my name “yes?” looking at him all confused “hey girl” Kim said smiling at me, do they know me “Chris was just telling us that you’re his girlfriend” I was just a nurse yesterday, I mean I am still that “yeah, sorry. I am just a little new to this” Kendall waved at me “nice to meet you” she said, waving back at her. Chris made his way back over to me to sit down “what was you staring at?” he asked “Beyoncé, I am just in shock. Don’t mind me” noticing photographers taking pictures.

Seeing the Dior bags is making me want to buy, I can’t be in these places because I want to buy, but seeing these prices get me hot, I don’t do this “that is beautiful” I pointed saying, I am not a fashion person but watching all of this is so interesting and I am getting into it “you’re not wearing a bra” Chris said in my ear, clapping my hands just because everyone else did, looking at Chris “I can see the side of your boob” is he not watching this, is he watching me “pervert” I retorted eyeballing him, I like wearing no bra because its freedom. Dior has got some nice things coming out, reaching into my side pocket because I can feel my phone going the hell off. Pressing the home button, realising that maybe I need to change my Instagram settings. Scrolling up, frowning at the fact Daniel is even texting me and I wonder why but I am not caring. Shaking my head looking up “what does he want?” Chris asked “my hand in marriage” I said. I know what Daniel wants, he wants some attention “why are you not telling me?” I didn’t speak besides shrug.

While Chris is entertained with people, let me read that message. Unlocking my phone, tapping my messages and seeing his message.

From: Daniel

How are you going to ignore my last message when I said I was sorry to you, that life will not last and then what? You want to cut your friends off over a guy that just wants to have sex with you, I actually care about you Rylee. I just want you to see the real man, I don’t want to say I told you so when shit goes wrong for you! Enjoy Paris beautiful and see you soon xx

Daniel needs to stop texting me, it’s just annoying me. After he did what he did to me at the hospital I don’t want to know “come” Chris said as he picked up my bag from the floor, he doesn’t look pleased and I know why already. Locking my phone as I got up from the seat “Christopher Brown” some guy came out of nowhere, luckily side tracking the man himself from going on a rant at me. Taking my bag from Chris “Mark, how are you” Chris knows him then “so good to see you and who do we have here” the white male pointed at me “this is my girlfriend Rylee” the white guy let out an oh and held his hand out, placing my hand in his as he shook my hand “Rylee, I am Mark. So nice to meet you” he looked me up and down, why is Chris not blowing up about this “very nice to meet you” he said again, he finally let my hand go “talk soon Chris” he smiled at Chris, this is the weirdest shit.

I am ready for Chris to tell me off, especially the fact we are going into a very secluded corner. Chris turned around looking behind me, I am walking so slow “that guy looking at me like that is not my fault” waving Chris off “oh Mark, he is the big boss at Wilhelmina model agency. He’s cool, I am not worried about him. Why is Daniel texting you?” he is so predictable “he wants attention, I am not giving. I am just ignoring him Chris and he keeps texting, that is it. Because you seem to feel insecure. Here, look” unlocking my phone, passing my phone to him “why are you annoyed with me?” Chris said, crossing my arms across my chest “because he is annoying me, what else do you want me to say. I am just feeling a little annoyed, then clearly you think Daniel is saying more to me than you think” he doesn’t trust me, Chris is staring so hard at these messages. I am self-doubting myself, I am sure there is nothing on there “he calls you beautiful then” Chris said in annoyance “Chris! Don’t you trust me?” I spat, I don’t like this at all from him “then let me look” Chris said pacing around, I am sure there is nothing in there.

I am not sure anymore “he sent you dick print picture huh, this was the time I asked you out” squinting my eyes staring at Chris “he did? I mean I don’t care about him, read the messages” he is not popping off on me for that, because I don’t ask for it “I see what you put, you said the right thing but he gives him no fucking right! You won’t let me beat him, you won’t let me say anything and I am beginning to get very angry Rylee. You’re fucking mine, you’re texting a man that wants to fuck you” I am not even going to speak, he will just scream even more “you’re ruining my time here and you sound crazy” I couldn’t help myself, I hate his temper because it does scare me “Chris, we going or what?” EJ said, looking at my phone in his hand “don’t you dare throw my phone Chris, you do that and I am walking away from you” reaching over to grab the phone, we both held onto the phone staring at each other “please stop this, you know I am faithful to you and I care about you” he is like an angry child, Chris let go of my phone “play me Rylee and I will fuck you over” my mouth fell open as he walked off, did he just threatened me.

Walking behind Chris like some follower, which I am not, Tamia looked at me “is everything ok?” she asked “just fine” Chris stopped walking to talk to someone like he wasn’t just telling me off and then threatening me. I kept on walking, I don’t know where but I am about to go somewhere. I don’t need him “wait up, Rylee. Girl!” EJ spat “where are you running off too? If you want to run then I would suggest the ladies’ bathroom, he is coming” EJ has a point but I just want to go somewhere, I honestly want to cry because every guy ends up being like this with me. It scares me, they end up threatening me and treating me like that and it showed. I have to suck it up and act normal “Rylee, let me just speak to you” I don’t even want to speak to him “Chris, just leave it one moment. Just wait here boy” EJ said to him, pushing the bathroom door open.

Watching the last of the ladies walk out, EJ didn’t care. He walked in with me “I am gay hunny, calm down” he said to the lady that ran out “women are dramatic” he rolled his eyes “is everything good with you and him, you want me to get you out of here? Speak to me?” staring at myself in the mirror, I hate myself “he is just being so insecure about a guy that I don’t even care about, I told him this. I have told him my past relationships and what happened to me and then he just did that, I’m not having him be like that. If he can’t trust me then we can’t be together” shaking my head “Chris….. Chris is not good with relationships. From working with him, he doesn’t really do them. I can’t say much because I have only known you now, but from Chris’ body language he doesn’t know how to deal with things, he is irrational and I can tell he knows he’s done wrong. He is waiting outside for a reason, I think you both need to talk. All I am saying is yay, Chris has a girlfriend” I am not going to be dramatic, I just needed to walk away from him “Rylee, girl. Shit is about to get really hard for you both, I just think you both need to be strong. Together” picking my bag up from the side “let’s do this” I am not going to give up on him, that is too easy because I have seen a good side to him.

Getting into the car with Chris, we have not spoken at all “where are we going now?” I asked Chris, acting normal as ever “my event now” he mumbled, looking over at him. He stared at me with his puppy dog eyes “I’m sorry Rylee, I let my emotions get the better of me. I didn’t mean to say what I said, please don’t think bad of me” looking away from him as the car drove off “I don’t think bad of you but it makes me think about us, you don’t trust me which hurts. Any guy I date or near they end up treating me the same. I am not what you think I am, I am not a cheat. Think about it, it took you how long to get me?” looking back at him “long time” he said “exactly, and how many times I said no. I said I am not about this life, I am here for you. I want you, I don’t care about another man. I don’t need to be threatened that you will fuck me over, stop proving people right when I know they are wrong, you are not that” I wish he wouldn’t do that to me at all, I guess we are here. The place was not far at all “you will understand why my emotions are everywhere” confused on hearing this, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

I can’t say much to him because we are here at his event now “everything good now?” EJ asked, nodding my head “like you said, he felt bad about it. He’s ok, I believe in him” smiling at myself “you want to get changed out of this? How about a dress, I got one for you” actually, that might be a good idea “let me tell Chris before he thinks I ran off” walking towards him, he is busy but I need to tell him “Chris” placing my hand on his shoulder “yeah?” he looked behind him at me “I am going to change my dress, I will be back ok?” he nodded his head and then kissed my lips out of nowhere “see you soon” turning around “I have a black dress for you, I thought you know what. She might need it” EJ said as we walked side by side.

I am glad to be out of that dress, it was nice but it was big. I feel a little freer with this, Chris looked behind him and I waved at him. I should have worn something Black Pyramid today, it would have been more convenient actually “can all the models please get in line to go out” some lady shouted “we can watch it from here” Tamia pointed at the screen, I guess I don’t need to go out there. Chris’ work ethic is amazing, he is so involved with every model that goes out. He is very supportive, I love watching from the side because when you watch you see the good “y’all can watch from the side” Chris shouted waving at us “Joe walk with them” I mean, we don’t need a bodyguard “have you seen your page though, bitch that blew up. The blogs are talking about y’all, calling you the secret girlfriend. I posted your picture on my page and his fans are livid” pulling a face “you mean they already hate me?” Munchie nodded her head “oh well, they mad we happy. Fuck em” she is right, I am happy and I am not going to pay them no mind at all.

Stood at the side watching the models walk out in Chris’ clothing line, they look so good. I am so proud of him, getting my phone out to video this. Tapping on my Instagram and tapping on the camera, videoing the models walk by in his clothing line. Adding the caption ‘So proud of you @chrisbrownofficial x’ I am really happy for him, grinning wide looking up and seeing Tamia taking a video “turn up” she spat, I just smiled at the camera. Feeling a hand on my butt, I moved away looking behind me “just me” Chris said, he pressed a kiss to my cheek “you being nice to me now” side eyeing him “I am always nice to you, I said I am sorry. I will talk to you later” turning around slowly to face him “it’s ok, I am so proud of you. This is so big” placing my arms around his neck “thank you Rylee, means a lot. It will mean more when I get to have you alone” tiptoeing up to him “same, but I am so very” pecking his lips “very” kissing his lips again “very proud of you” squeezing my arms around his neck holding him close “thank you babe” Chris said “you need to go on stage” some lady came to the side of us, moving back with my arm still around Chris “after the last run, you need to go on” moving my arm away “ok, cool” Chris said holding on to my hand “come on with me” frowning at Chris “what!?” I spat “come on stage” tugging my hand away “no, I can’t. I am too shy for that” the lady waved Chris over “come, we need to go” I cannot walk with him on the stage, I am so damn shy that I can’t do it.

I am so hungry, I really want to go. EJ gave me some Vodka and I told him no because I haven’t ate anything but then again, I was thirsty so I drank it anyways “can you tell him I want to go, I can’t even deal with him anymore” EJ chuckled “that blunt got you feeling some type of way, I can tell. Your body language has become more vibrant” I know I shouldn’t have had the blunt but I was bored of waiting, waiting for him “he is outside here” Carlos said opening the door “then why isn’t he just coming inside? Is he stupid” walking slowly towards Carlos “she about to grab him by the balls” Munchie said as they laughed, poking my head out of the door. Chris is having an interview “noodle arms! Can we go now?” I am dying here, like I am breaking out in sweats just hearing my stomach, Chris looked behind him “I am having an interview here Rylee?” he spat “and I am hungry, hurry up!” I spat stepping back into the room “I think your girl is about to snap on you” hearing Joe say to Chris, why is he fucking with a hungry female.

“Ok I am here” Chris said walking into the room “too late, I don’t want food now. I just died inside” he took too long “she is fierce when hungry, oh my god!” EJ pointed laughing “I can feed you” he touched his dick “I swear on my momma I will bite your dick, keep that away from me” slowly getting up from the couch “wow, you hurt his feelings now. We will eat then, come on. Stop hating me” he held his hand out but I walked by him, I am not with the shits. I need feeding “why are you being mean!?” he said behind me “mean? Oh Chris, You have done nothing but be an ass to me, talk to me after food” I really can’t speak without being a bitch, that drink and blunt had got to me because I have had no food.

The table at the side of us is eating frog legs “why would people want to eat frog legs Chris?” I said in a whisper “that is rich folk for you, they eat anything. This is why I don’t really go here but because I have a beautiful date, I thought why not” he is so sweet, I am in a good mood now “well I am fed, I am all yours now” sipping my wine “no dick biting then?” he placed his knife down “hmmm, no. I think I will save that for a different day” Chris grinned sitting back “I see how it is, thank you for supporting me today. Honestly, thank you. You and I can now be together, do the things we came here for” placing my wine glass down “finally, some attention that I need. I unlocked my page, I thought I would let you know. It’s a little hectic and whatever now” I need to change my settings on that app “Munchie was saying, my fans don’t like me being with any females. I am taken by the world” Chris sighed out.

“So have you really never loved before Chris?” I said placing my hand a top of his “no, I cared but I never let a girl get close enough for that. You could say I hung around with the wrong crowd. I had girlfriends but it was never there, I had stardom so young in life. Why have one girl when you can have them all, I used to be like that. I had a daughter I never knew about, thought it would change me, but no. I think I am scared of the unknown, I was scared of relaying on someone. It fucked me up even more when Royalty came, there is always headlines about these girls being pregnant, but when that test said it was mine. That same day I refused to know. She has this 1 year old child. I don’t know this child at all, I just find it hard to love Royalty but I am changing that now. I just don’t think I am a very loveable guy either. I don’t like opening up.”

He went silent “I would say you are loveable, you doubt yourself too much. You act too quickly but you care” he does have a nice side to him “did I scare you? I am sorry Rylee, I saw dick print. I saw him flirting and saying shit, I got mad. I am forreal like overprotective with you, I don’t know how to act. You only have to look at me and I am under. I always prayed for someone to save me, I never wanted that life of being lonely, I mean who does. Fame sucks, it’s lonely and nobody cares about you. I guess god finally got around to answering me” for a guy that doesn’t open up, he surely just has “he did, he gave you Royalty. You said she didn’t change you then but she has now” Chris’ lips slowly turned into a smile and then chuckled “he gave me you Rylee, my daughter is never mine. She is hers, I am just the dad but god gave me you. As corny as it sounds my feelings have been everywhere about this because I have sung about it but never felt it, I was thinking that this maybe something I get over but, I do love you Rylee” the air got caught in my throat, Chris looked down at his plate as I stared at him in shock, did he just say those words to me. Sitting back in my seat in shock “I mentally admitted it to myself about you and now I want you to know this” I don’t know what to say.

I am in total shock right now, he said he loves me. Looking around me and the couple at the side of us just stared at me “what are you thinking?” he asked, covering my face with my hands “I don’t know what to say, like not in a bad way but really Chris?” he nodded his head, Chris is feeling shy. He won’t even look at me now “remember when I said you know when that person is the one, I knew with you. I love you and I am scared to admit this but you make me feel better” licking his lips as he stared at my face, I am so speechless. I don’t want him to think I am just quiet because I don’t love him, but for him to be a ladies man to this guy telling me he is in love, it has shocked me “this is why I got mad, I got angry. I said those words because I am scared to be hurt, you hold a very powerful position in my heart. I am sorry, I don’t want to hurt you ever” I feel so emotional “come, let’s get out of here. I want to show you something” he said out of nowhere getting up, he is so random with things.

I have never seen the Eiffel Tower in person before “oh my god, this is so beautiful” looking up at the tower “this is amazing” I am in utter shock on how beautiful this is at night “I thought you would appreciate seeing this at night, it looks better at night and less fans. We can just be us” I can’t get over this, I never thought I would come to France in my life, look where I am now and with my boyfriend “Bonjour” Chris said as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders “Je t’aime” frowning turning my head to him “since when? What did you say to me?” I said all confused “I said I love you in French” I am so impressed by him “Ti Amo baby” I said back to him “since when?” he said, I shrugged “I have my own tricks” Chris pressed a kiss to my lips.

Chris kissed my cheek as I took the selfie of us in front of the Eiffel Tower “what do you think?” showing Chris “we look sexy, I love it like I love you” Chris kissed my neck, posting the picture just because I can “you want to go and see EJ and the fam, they at the club or we can go back to the hotel” captioning the picture ‘Paris bitch’ tagging Chris in the picture “we can go there, for a while and then go back to the hotel. We have plenty of time” posting the picture “cool, we do that. Ayo, Joe. Take a picture of us, once I tag you in this. It’s game over for your page” Chris jogged over passing his bodyguard his phone “my page is already a mess, do I really want this?” Chris walked back to me “so what, I am with you now” his fans are a damn mess.

Rylee is a damn mess, I am all here for having a good time but I am expecting sex after this. I knew I should have went back to the hotel, EJ done got my girl drunk. I have not experienced a drunk Rylee but watching her, she looks so funny “I like her!” Munchie shouted in my ear “Rylee?” I said pointing “yes, she is a nice girl. She gets on with us and she sees the good in you, this is what you needed” smiling at Munchie “my blessing!” placing my hand over my heart, looking back over at Rylee. How did she even end up on the floor and on her knees, getting up from the side “I’m ok” she got up wobbly “oh, the fun police is here” Tamia shouted, dragging Rylee up “I think it’s home time for you” Joe stared at me, he was about to help her up but I did instead.

Moving Rylee’ hair from her face “I am hot, like really hot” she started kicking her feet “why won’t they come off” she whined at her heels “leave them on, it’s ok” I am not impressed by this drunk Rylee at all, looking out of the van window. I hate looking after drunk people but now I am stuck with one, I don’t think she is as drunk because she can walk. She is tipsy I would say, not good enough for me to have sex with her “here” Rylee spat, turning to look at her and the thong just landed on my shoulder “what” I said in shock, reaching over at my shoulder and picking the thong off “I’m hot” she said again, this is fresh from heaven itself “you took your thong off?” the vehicle turned a sharp corner, Rylee falling onto me. She moved away from me and then shuffled closer “you know your penis looks like an elephant trunk when not hard” licking my lips laughing “I will take that as a compliment” feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket.

“I think we will be fine from here, go to bed” I said on the phone to Carlos “nothing more you can do, if it is clear outside my hotel then just go” I am getting felt up by Rylee, she placed her hand on my crotch “can I have this?” she asked as she continued to rub my crotch “how is little miss drunk?” I should really move her because she is waking him up “she is fine, see y’all tomorrow” disconnecting the call “you can have it later” placing my hand over hers to stop her “I need something to suck on?” I wish she did suck on it but not right now, moving my hand back. Taking a picture of Rylee’ hand on crotch, I actually love this picture already. Just because her hands are beautiful and also it will upset the world, not like I care. Posting the picture anyways, looking up from my phone as Rylee hiked up her dress “no” dropping my phone in my lap “no dress hiking, keep it down” moving her hands away and picking my phone back up.

Captioning the picture a wink emoji, Rylee climbed onto my lap “you’re not really that drunk?” I asked pressing send and locking my phone “I know what I am doing, just that whisky got me feeling very pretty. I just want to ride you, god. It’s cold now” Rylee looked down, lifting her dress up as she peeked under it. Clenching my jaw, I just want to eat her out good “you know what gets me, is that you chased me and now you made me fall for you. You deserve some good head and then fuck me good, makes some good Paris sex. No babies, I had to change it to sex. The only babies I want is the ones I want in my mouth” remember I said I wasn’t impressed by this drunk Rylee, well I take it back because she is everything I have wanted in life and more.