top 10 dwight schrute quotes in no order except the first one
“What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.”
“Who is Justice Beaver?”
“I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.”
“I like the people I work with, generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime, and I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.”
“Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man’s.”
“I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t–just part of me meant it.”
“And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure.’“
“Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses. Second only to the neck.”
“You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.”
“How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.”
hello, did you see Jimin's pic of taejin on his vlive?
Hello “Jimin Taejin pic” anon,
Yep I have seen it. Well our Jimin is living up to his name right, so we gladly welcome another episode of Jimin Third Wheeling!
But look at them!!! If those are Jinnie’s legs OMG the flexibility, if that is V’s leg shielding his man, bless his territorial soul! And don’t you love how V is such a protective alpha male when he is with Jin? Like he is always slightly behind or leading Jin, such a gentleman!
And Jimin Third Wheeling was like so hyped about stalking Taejin, LOL:
I think this also proves what I have been saying in some of my masterposts, when the cameras are off, notice that Taejin is ALWAYS together. I’ve seen it countless times over the years, Taejin quietly lounging together when nobody is around, going on dates ‘unnoticed’, sitting next to each other on flights, Jin carrying V’s jackets or his stuff, their constant mirroring, everything that creates this subtle omnipresent Taejin mutual gravity.
When they went on a concert date in freaking matching outfits…
When Taehyung took Jin on a beach date in Hawaii…
When they got married in Vegas and had Sope as groomsmen went on a Cirque du Soleil double date with Sope in matching outfits…
My favourite: holding his Jinnie while shopping…
It’s Jin and Taehyung’s personal preference to spend the precious and scarce free time they have, just the two of them together.
What is important here is the evidence that whatever i the nature of their private co-dependancy is 100% not for BTS’s promo or for fan service purposes. They are not just a visual ship to be a BTS cute ship push. since years of evidence make very obvious that Jin and V are way closer in the privacy of their real life then their public personas appear to be.
But talking about Jimin, it’s quite interesting his obsession in Third Wheeling Taejin all the time right?! Also it’s a bit LOL to photograph Taejin like this but I guess Jimin just likes to be the National Geographic photographer of the band, capturing Taejin’s candid secretive love life to our amusement!
Thank you for your message and thank you Jimin Thrid Wheeling for being our Taejin informer!
Lots of love.
PS: Taejin and Sope have been spending some quality time double dating right. Jin just said on vlive he and V went on a dinner with Sope. I adore Sope, my heart is full!
Hey was wondering if the chocobros s/o was pregnant how would they help out with the pregnancy? Would they help out with morning sickness indulge their food cravings silly things like that? Thought that would be a cute thing lol
Noctis would be the one to get you literally whatever it was that you wanted. Since he’s the prince, he has ways of getting things at really ridiculous times. Craving ice cream and pickles at 3am? He’s got it covered. Want a full-course meal with very specific food items that are strangely hard to find? He’ll figure out a way to track them down. He’s extremely doting because he’s also terrified, but he tries his best to keep a calm face. Your comfort is first and foremost and he has people waiting on you hand and foot.
Prompto has a habit of treating you like you’re made of glass. He can’t help it, he’s just so excited to be a father. He’s already dedicated himself to becoming the best possible father he can be, because he never really had this parents around when he was growing up. He’s already stared baby-proofing the entire house, and he’s spontaneously purchased twenty to thirty pillows so that you can be comfortable no matter which room you choose to relax in. He’s one step ahead of you when it comes to preparing the nursery, and has a list of names he likes already chosen.
Gladio insists on carrying you whenever you’re tired or want to go to bed. He just wants to make sure you’re okay at all times, and is doubly alpha-male when it comes to how others are around you. He’s a bit of a nervous wreck, actually, when it comes to you being around a lot of people, or anywhere where you might get pushed or jostled by accident. His favourite thing to do is to give you foot massages while you relax on the couch together after a long day, watching whatever trashy rom-com you’ve chosen. He always apologizes for being too overbearing, he’s just anxious to be a dad.
Ignis is always keeping up to date with whatever it is that you can and can’t eat, and whatever your strange cravings are. If you describe a recipe with a combination of strange ingredients that you just need right away, he’ll always indulge you and cook the dish to your exact specifications. He’s always prepared to pamper you, especially as you get further along in your pregnancy, and already has the overnight bag packed for the hospital and prenatal vitamins loaded up in the medicine cabinet. You suspect he’s read more parenting books than you have, which is a feat in and of itself.
Hello, i am wondering if you could please do bts reaction to their mate getting a pet and the pet doesn’t like them (bts). Thank you have a nice day/night.
Jin/Seokjin: Buys tons of treats and feeds it table scraps to win it over.
Suga/Yoongi: Gives it treats and toys, when that doesn’t work he growls at the animal when it gets near you “How does it feel huh?” Secretly cries though because he wanted a cuddle buddy for whenever you weren’t around.
Jhope/Hoseok: Sticks tongue out at pet and snuggles closer to you, but also uses you as a shield because it’s still “small and vicious” Honestly, lil sunshine is sad he isn’t loved back </3
Rap Monster/Namjoon: Reads up on how to make pets like you, but pulls out the Alpha male aura when that doesn’t work.
Jimin: Tons of whining and trying to slowly creep up and love on the animal. Tries to make it like him in both human and wolf form. Exposes his tum, licks them when in wolf form, submits to them really. This backfires and your pet rules your boyfriend. “Yahhh, they don’t rule me! *pet makes a noise* Awhhhh, you’re so coot lil baby I love you so much~ *looks back at you* Hehehe… maybe a little?”
V/Taehyung: Thinks he can become friends with them in wolf form. Whines and gentle paws at them with his ear all pointed and perky. Would be the one to pout and curl up to you whenever it doesn’t work.
Jungkook: Insists you don’t need a pet when he can satisfy all of your needs (also winks or licks his lips every time he says “satisfy your needs”)
Most people get caught up by how big white cocks are, but it’s really the big balls that differentiate the boys from the men.
When you see these big balls, you know they are full of cum and has a very high probability of impregnating her. Think of how much life-giving sperm he can empty inside of her.
Whereas this guy’s small Asian balls make him look weak and almost infertile. Signaling that he’s incapable of doing the most basic job a man is supposed to do: get women pregnant. Just look at the difference:
Which looks juicier to you? So if you’re an Asian boy, why would you blame Asian girls for wanting what’s more filling? Support your sisters in the exploration of their most basic natural desires: wanting something better. And maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll let you clean up ;)
Well, if it's alright. How about when alpha Hanzo, alpha Genji, alpha soldier 76 and reaper with a pregnant omega? (Separately of course) thanks!
If your on the app and can’t read the read moreyou can type in abo-watch.tumblr to get into the read mores, this works for every blog.
This post is kinda long so after Hanzo its under a read more
-Get ready for a clingy alpha ma’ dudes
-Once he knows you’re pregnant he’s gonna swoop you off your feet and off to somewhere safe
-he’ll end up taking you wherever you want to be, wherever you feel most comfortable (so home lol)
-He’ll move into wherever your safe spot is (if hes not already moved in I mean)
-Will totally give you every piece of clothing he has for you to nest in, to help get his scent all over you and help you relax.
-he WILL NOT go on a mission until the pup is about 2 or 3 years old, unless he absolutely has to.
-He’ll start a garden outside and an herb garden inside, everything you eat he will hand grow and prepare.
-That won’t stop him from making food runs to the store to get you junk food when you crave it.
-Gives you foot massages and reads parenting books while you sleep.
-All the books are how to raise each different dynamic Female-Alpha/Beta/Omega Male-/Alpha/Beta/Omega.
-When he can’t sleep he’ll prepare a cold lunch for the next day or just lay there and scent you while you sleep.
-Hes so happy that he gets to be a father, he just lays there while you sleep, holding you as close as he can taking in your scent while his hand(s) run over your belly. He’ll talk to the pup in Japanese (its never to early to teach your kids multiple languages)
-He’ll also kiss and cuddle your belly the bigger it gets.
-He will be the proudest father ever, the first time he sees his baby he starts happy crying.
-The first time he holds his baby, the chaos of his life is just noise in the background being muffled out by how adorable the pup is.
-Hand makes a bow for them as they grow and mounts the old ones next to his
How about a male alpha who runs an orphanage? Most people judge cos its an "omega thing", but anyone who knows him think its great, cos he's like in denial that he's these kiddos dad. Like "im not a father!!!" He screams as he is followed by like 20 kids calling him 'papa' and he acts like he hates it but actually he loves it
In the Regency AU how does succession work? Are male alphas preferred or alphas in general? Does it not matter like will Harley inherit one day or will Peter?
Alphas in general are preferred. It was why Tony needed to marry before he could rule. And if someone has two alpha children (like T’Chaka) the eldest alpha succeeds. If Peter marries to a succeeding alpha, he will go to that alpha’s kingdom. If Peter marries a lower ranking alpha in the line of succession, where they live is discussed between the parents (and Steve, Bucky, and Tony will of course take Peters wants and needs into account, but the same can not be said for every omega). So yes, Harley will inherit the throne one day.
HOWEVER. Some Anon said “( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But what about Peter/Matt?” AND NOW I’M PUZZLED. Because I believe the person who would most be against it is Tony (he has always been about fulfilling his duties). Steve and Bucky could probably see the merit in it (Steve did, after all, technically marry down when he married Bucky), especially when it comes to relations with their people. Even Sarah, when she’s consulted for her opinion, can’t definitely say no.
And Harley is happy because he hates the fact that Peter might have to leave him one day, but then… He notices that Peter keeps getting sadder and sadder. And it suddenly occurs to him that he can’t keep Peter to himself forever. So he goes to talk to his mom about it, and finds his parents deep in discussion.
Well. “Discussion” might be too kind of a term.
“Tony, we’ve all discussed this! Even Ma has said it’s a good idea!” Steve exclaims, frustrated. “You’re the only one holding out!”
“You can’t even give us a good reason,” Bucky adds, sighing an exhausted sigh, like this is the same argument over and over again.
Tony is stone-faced. Harley shivers from where he’s peeking in at them. “Duty to marry and secure an alliance isn’t a good enough reason for you?”
“Well, honey, we’ve got alliances with all the people that matter already,” Bucky points out, and Steve adds, “Mostly because of you and your hard work!”
“…You’ve already made your decision,” Tony says after a moment. “Why do you need my permission?”
Steve takes Tony’s hands in his. “We’re in this together. We need to show a united front in case the other royalty takes this as a sign of weakness.”
Tony snatches his hands back, and Harley winces at how hurt Steve looks. “I will, of course, support my alphas’ decision.”
“Tony!” Bucky exclaims, appalled.
“I need to go…” Tony struggles to find an excuse and finally stops trying to find one. “Away. From you. Right now.”
Harley skitters out of the way and ducks behind a large potted plant so his mother doesn’t catch him eavesdropping. He peeks over the edge of the pot just in time to watch Tony sniffle and hurriedly wipe his eyes before he hurries away.
So I’ve realized that I’ve put a TON of headcanons in replies to asks about this AU, and that sometimes these questions come up multiple times or my answers are long enough that they may be interesting reads to anyone who wants to know more about the AU ^ ^;
Here is a NON COMPREHENSIVE LIST of some of my more useful/potentially interesting/amusing responses to asks, to be updated as I dig up/answer more <3 All asks are posted in chronological asking order (from oldest to newest) per category.
kink, criticism, and erika moen - some (disorganised) thoughts
let me start this by saying that i firmly believe you can be kinky, kink-positive, but also kink-critical, all at once. by ‘critical,’ I mean the sense of thinking critically about our own kink and our own communities. kink can be fun and healing, but that doesn’t mean it also can’t come from and go to some very dark, heavy places. as kinksters, we need to think critically about what kink says about ourselves, including any deep-set prejudices or ingrained, unhealthy thought processes. it’s so easy to be on the defensive, to insist that you have to be 100% uncritical in the face of what is a lot of frankly misinformed and unfair criticism from those not in the kink community.
ultimately, we as kinksters need to be willing to look closer at the dark and troublesome aspects of what is celebrated for being dark and troublesome. why do these things trouble us? should they? what does ethical kink look like? i think that’s ultimately what bothers me so much about erika moen’s comics about kink, especially the latest one on cuckoldry. if you’re into that, cool! have fun. kink can be a way to deal with some very twisted, fucked up emotions, and maybe cuckoldry is an outlet for that.
however, moen, throughout all her kink comics (and most of her guest comics, in which case i assume she acts as editor), quite literally refuses to interact with the darker side of kink and the difficult questions that kink asks and seeks to answer. if she does interact with those aspects, it’s either as dismissal or as the shallowest, most surface-level engagement possible.
to take the cuckoldry comic as an example once again, erika’s ‘interviewees’ on the matter celebrate the cuckoldry fetish as a means of playing with gender and discourses of power. the woman in the comic defends it as a feminist act -she gets to live out her fantasy by being the centre of two men’s sexual lives. at the same time, however, the subjects explicitly affirm status-quo ideas of gender by emphasising how cuckoldry glorifies and fetishizes hypermasculinity, the ‘alpha male’ fallacy, and manhood as the ownership of women.
for the woman, this is a hot empowerment fantasy - and that’s where erika moen stops exploring it. it’s emphasised one more time how empowered she is (”I’m a queen who gets to fuck with marriage stereotypes”) and erika…leaves it at that. despite being a feminist, nowhere does she raise questions about how this glorification of hypermasculinity and alpha-vs-beta is something that, as readers, we need to consider thoroughly.
it gets even worse in terms of erika’s refusal to address issues: the deeply-ingrained issue of racism gets, in this comic about three white people, only two panels.
cuckoldry porn has a long and extensive history of racism, often depicting black men ‘breeding’ white women or white men ‘breeding’ black women. in each case, the blackness of the cuckold or cuck-queen is fetishized and used as power-play. erika, however, after acknowledging that these troublesome issues exist (left panel)….goes on to brush it off by simply saying “that really sucks”. i’m sorry? “that really sucks”? the white kink community has a long and horrifying history of exploiting black bodies for our own sexual gratification, and instead of owning that, instead of discussing that, especially in a comic about a kink where that exploitation is admittedly “hard to avoid”….”that really sucks.”
adding to the whole problem is the use of the word “bull.” yes, bull is kink terminology, but it is also highly racialised kink terminology. type in “bull” on a porn website like xhamster or youporn. what do you get? race porn. bull, in the porn world, is tightly linked to the fetishistic trope of a strong African male who dominates white women and men by virtue of his larger penis. again, nowhere does erika address this.
finally, the main characters - throughout the comic - insist that this is a fully consensual, perfectly healthy relationship which uses kink to work out issues of jealousy and fear. that’s fine - i believe it. i’ve been in poly relationships myself. but this area is incredibly fragile. and yet the married couple dedicates one panel to simply telling us (not showing us) that they took years to figure out the right balance and how important communication is.
now, i know that yes, it’s just a comic, and it would be difficult to address all these issues in comic form. it would take way more time, way more effort, and would require completely changing the overall mood of the comic. but that’s just the problem: why does erika moen think that a fluffy, feel-good comic full of twee humour is the appropriate place to discuss something as heavy and complex as kink? why does she believe that this format, of all ways, is a means to introduce people to a kink that could, if managed poorly, could quite literally ruin marriages and lives? reviewing sex toys is one thing, but cuckoldry - with all its troublesome entanglements with sexist and racist attitudes - is not the correct subject matter for a strip that, for lack of a better phrase, is all rainbows and sunshine.
furthermore, this is meant to be an educational comic. and yet, erika’s best source is essentially “this one cishet white triad i interviewed” and, down at the bottom blurb by her husband, a fictional book that handles the subject matter. the issues and questions raised by the characters’ statements in this comic get, for the most part, ignored. for those of us who already are kinky, it’s laughable. for those who know nothing about kink, this comic has become - as we have seen - a spectacle of just how “weird” and “creepy” kink is.
the complexity of kink deserves better than to be alluded to and dismissed in one breath. as kinksters, we need to lead the way in critical thinking about our own sexual proclivities, and we need to do it with honesty and a willingness to handle the darkness we all know is there - even the really horrible bits nobody likes to acknowledge. if erika moen wants to address these subjects, she needs to do so like an adult who believes in her readers’ intelligence and maturity. a twee comic soaked in pepto bismol is not the place.
Me, remembering the first time I watched t100 pilot, remembering how I thought Bellamy Blake was a cliche asshole alpha male character with no emotional depth or heroic qualities, in whose place I would never willingly offer to die:
@the100writers @Bob Morley well done, you’ve ruined me and I applaud you.
// I just had a question about your ffXV werewolf AU (which is wonderful btw) how does the anatomy of Alphas and Betas (both male and female) work??? I've read some stuff about the AOB AU but I wanted to know how yours differs if it does at all.
(Thank you!) In my AU, this is how Alpha and Beta anatomy plays out:
Both male and female alphas are typically larger in size than their beta and omega counterparts, and both can form a knot at the base of their penis. Alpha’s go into rut one week per year, during which they are incredibly territorial, confrontational, and needy. Females do not have uterus or ovaries, thus cannot get pregnant. Both male and female alphas posses a penis and testicles, however for females the testicles are located internally.
Beta’s are the most like normal humans, do not experience ruts or heats, and are generally less fertile than their alpha and omega counterparts. They are generally smaller in size than alphas, but larger than omegas. Males cannot form knots. Betas scents are typically the most mild, are often calming, and can be utilized to diffuse escalated situations.