InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex
I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.
There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.
First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.
Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.
Now, on to the lesson!
InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex.
It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
Trans guys can most often
be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan
women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.
TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
Up top: The most standard term for talking
about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are
really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’.
So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on
their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts
The pole:It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every
trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is
actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many
conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis
people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are
trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the
f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the
common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dudewriting about a trans
dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t
matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital
surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
The hole: There is no standard term
for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front.
I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy
hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally.
That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and
understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.
TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.
COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans
is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by
the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.
BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay
with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each
have different body boundaries.
I know guys who won’t get
shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched
and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
I know guys who love getting
blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
I know guys who
don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things
in the front door.
I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and
guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
I know guys who
exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of
strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man
will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).
BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more
limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes
breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
BODY HAIR:Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get
chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk
trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker
hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns.
DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet
since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really.
Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and
some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even
use an estrogen cream down there.
SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™
within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick
knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on.
ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense.
HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis
women. Because they’re not
cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool
set in their tool belt.
Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our
bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs,
rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I
could go on for ages.
If a trans guy is
taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and
needs to be treated as such.
SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms
accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may
be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV.
Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
Some people think trans men can’t
get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this
for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two
forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known
as the ‘depo shot’.
MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty
until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws
& doctor’s discretion).
Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision
(’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs
and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery
which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical
scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple
Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want
one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if
you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty
(’phallo’). Tread carefully.
So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.
And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.
Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.
You had literally no idea why on planet earth how in the world you had become friends with Shawn. Well, possibly just a little more than friends. But also, just friends. You had both had this discussion an abundance of times, he was busy and famous, and you were busy and not all that famous.
The reason you met was weird too. Like, it was at a frozen yogurt place. A literal frozen yogurt place and he thought you were hot, so he started to hit on you, rather poorly might you add, and you never let him live that one down. He really didn’t do a whole lot of hitting on girls. He was told to always be polite towards fans, but not flirty. Friendly, not cheeky. He was always told that no matter what, he cannot seem too cozy with a fan, or treat one anymore special than the next. All of his fans were equal, but he’d be lying through his teeth if he were to have said that he was never attracted to a fan. But rules were rules and they were made to be followed… But he broke them sometimes.
Even though he doesn’t consider you one of the occasions he has broken that rules. There have been many of those, girls he has whispered things to during meet and greets, times he has met a fan at a store and he asked her to coffee, when he would answer a question at one of those question and answers with something a bit more than friendly.
But you… well you were different.
He saw you at a frozen yogurt place back in his home town and you didn’t seem to know who he was, but how could you live in Canada and not know who Shawn Mendes was? Everyone know who Shawn Mendes was, and a lot of people knew Shawn Mendes. Like personally. You just didn’t know any of his songs other than the ones that littered all of the radio stations, and you even found a couple of them kind of annoying, and you didn’t wanna bother him, he was kind of a celebrity or whatever. But it doesn’t matter, he went out of his way to talk to you, and hit on you, and he said;
“Why would you get frozen yogurt, it’ll only melt cause you’re so hot.” Which, of course, he would never ever hear the end of. But ever since then, Shawn had a special place in your heart and you had one in his. The incidents with that one rule being broken were no more, because he had you. He knew he had you back at home, who he knew he loved, and he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his days with you by his side. Because he couldn’t think of life with anyone else after he met you. He found himself not caring that paparazzi were always taking photos of the two of you, and since a good bit of those were of the two of you hand in hand, it sure did look like you were dating.
Which you weren’t, but you also were. Whenever he was home, he spent a majority of his time with you, and when you had time off, you tried to go with him wherever it was he was going, and he never found himself attracted to any of the fans he came into contact with. He only wanted you.
But you weren’t one hundred percent sure. You didn’t know if Shawn was the only one for you, or even someone you could see yourself with. Yes, you loved him with every single bit of your heart, but the constant touring, and not to mention Shawn was kind of clingy and could often get needy, and you couldn’t go on tour with him was a struggle.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Shawn threw his arms up in the air, only in his boxer shorts as he paced around your bedroom. He was home for the weekend, and you were kind of fooling around, when he said he loved you. He asked if you loved him back and you simply said you weren’t sure.
“Shawn, calm down it’s not like we are official or anything.” You crossed your arms over the blanket that was covering your completely naked chest.
“Oh, we aren’t a thing, at all?” He narrowed his eyes at you, which kind of scared you. You had seen him angry before, but you couldn’t really tell if he was angry. He looked a lot more hurt than anything. You hadn’t ever seen him this upset.
“No, I didn’t mean it tha-” He cut you off, shaking his head.
“Oh, but I think you did.” He continued to shake his head, folding his arms over his abdomen. He quickly went over to where his clothes had been discarded on the other side of your bed. He pulled his black jeans up from the floor and started to pull them onto his long legs, the legs yours were tangled up with only moments ago.
“Shawn, what are you doing?” You grumbled, putting your head in your hands. He had always gotten sensitive around the subject of your status, since he was obviously more invested than you were from an outsider looking in. But really, you loved him just as much.
“I’m going home.” He started as he buttoned his jeans. “I apparently,” He paused to grab his grey v-neck t-shirt and slip it over his head, “Don’t have any commitment here.”
You were completely speechless, you didn’t even quite get it that he had left your room until you heard the door shut rather loudly, seeing he didn’t care if your parents heard that you had him over late at night. They didn’t come and bother you though, because you sat there, half naked, sitting up in your bed, already missing him. You couldn’t lie down, the bed would smell like him. He wouldn’t answer if you called him, so you just sat there and you missed him. He had just left, and your skin tingled and ached to touch him again. It felt like only minutes had passed when you saw the sun start to peak through your windowpanes, and you hoped and prayed that everything would be fine now. You lied down, your spine aching and cracking as you flattened your back onto the cold mattress. It still smelled just like him.
After a couple of hours of a daze that wouldn’t really be considered a sleep, your phone buzzed on the bedside table. You instantly scrambled over, ignoring the fact that your top half was completely exposed. You grabbed your phone, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Shawn’s name appear across the screen.
From: that mindez kid
i’m doing a mini radio show concert thing with a meet and greet beforehand starting in like an hour @ Locally Canada. You can come if you want to, don’t know if that’s too much of a commitment for you.
You groaned, and pulled yourself out of bed, your whole body shivered as it was completely exposed aside from the panties Shawn had never gotten the chance to take off. You realize you had just about no time, so you quickly threw on a black shirt and tucked in a white button up and some tights with those black flats with cat faces on the toes you had gotten yourself as a christmas present, throwing your hair up in a top knot and not even bothering with makeup. You scurried down the stairs of your house, your family not yet awake as you made your way outside and to your car. As you pushed a key in the ignition, you whipped your phone out and decided to text him and tell him you were coming.
To: that mindez kid
i’ll be there in twenty. put my name on the list.
He read the message and didn’t respond. It bothered you, but you knew he was still pissed. Honestly, he had reason to be. The girl he was in love with had deadass just told him she may not even want to be with him in the long run, that would piss off everyone just a bit.
But Shawn decided to take it just a little bit too far.
You drove up to the radio station, striding over to the front, ready to say you were sorry and you would do anything to be with him, because really, you would. The idea scared you, but you knew for a fact that you loved him with all of your heart. You told the security guard your name and he let you inside, and you saw Shawn in the lobby, looking as handsome as ever, but he was talking with some other girl, obviously one of the radio station workers. She was considerably pretty as well, a lot shorter than him, which you knew was something he absolutely loved, since you yourself were a good bit shorter, but not as short as her. Her hair was blonde, and she was skinny and pretty and seemed to literally be throwing herself at him. Or, that’s what it looked like, you couldn’t really tell.
“Shawn?” You folded your arms over your chest, still a distance away from them. Shawn looked over at you, as if he expected your reaction. Which he did.
“Oh hey.” He smiled at you, instantly going back to his conversation with the radio station girl that you now hated more than anyone in the world, other than Shawn of course.
“Oh hey?” You grumbled under your breath, deciding that the only way to get back at Shawn was to play his little game. So you looked around the lobby for a moment, and by a complete act of god, your eyes were met with a fairly attractive desk worker, who seemed to just be taking phone calls and notes. But his arms looked pretty amazing in that blue button up, so you strode over to his desk, feeling Shawn’s eyes follow you from behind you, and sat on the edge. The boy from behind the desk looked up, and he was much more attractive than you initially thought, some might even say he was better looking than Shawn.
“Hey?” He chuckled, flashing a smile that was worth a million dollars. You were incredibly uninterested in this man, seeing as he looked about as boring and dull as cardboard and looked like a failed male model, regardless of the fact he was one of the most attractive men you had ever seen.
“How are you?” You smirked, kicking your legs a little, going back to your days in middle school drama club when they tried to teach acting techniques.
“I’m… Just fine?” He was saying everything as if he were taken totally off guard, it seemed like he was trying to be charming, but it didn’t work.
“What’s your name?” You started to fiddle with the sleeve of his shirt, knowing you were pushing this way too far.
“Ali?” The way he spoke literally gave you a headache, and your whole body was relieved when you felt two big hands wind their way around your waist.
“Will you excuse us?” You heard a familiar voice, and you knew exactly what you had done worked as Shawn basically yanked you off of the desk, and pulling you into one of the empty conference rooms. You saw he was literally fuming, his face bright red and the vein on his neck looked as if it were about to burst. “So what the actual fuck was that?” He snapped.
“I don’t know what you’re talking ab-” He cut you off.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t keep playing me like this, i’m fucking in love with you, and you can’t say you don’t want to be with me and then just go off an-” This time it was your turn to cut him off. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and pulled yourself onto your toes, pressing a soft kiss onto his lips. He instantly wrapped his arms around your waist, and hummed against your lips until you pulled away and pressed your feet back down against the ground, though he let out a small whimper.
“I wanna be with you, okay? I’m done with all this on again off again shit. We are together, okay?” You stated, playing with the ends of his hair just a little bit.
“Sounds good to me.”
author’s note//SUCH a shitty imagine i hate mySElf
What were they debating? I
listened to many voices, each giving their opinions on the subject that was
written on the board. It had turned out to be a suggestion from some of us,
anonymously, it might even have tried one of my ideas, but I was sure I had not
written anything and put it in the teacher’s bag. I went back to reading the
blackboard, drugs, which is so much seen and boring. As if none of those around
me knew the subject perfectly, and worse, they had put it into practice. I
shrugged and continued to scribble in my notebook as I listened word after
word, it was unbelievable that some defended the fact of being killed that way,
and they did it in front of an authority. What a bah, at last was the life of
The bell rang, I sighed, relieved
that the torture was finally over. I didn’t complain about the class, it was
good as long as the subjects were of the same quality. Not any nonsense that we
have been informed since we have “enough maturity” to cover those
issues. It was urgent for me to be in college.
“Remember to check your
bags!” Exclaimed the teacher in a jovial tone.
I smiled, it was a little
exaggerated enthusiasm. I knew how many notes I would have in my bag, maybe one
or two, I was safer than one. To get rid of some sermon, Skye and I made a
pact, I left a note in her bag and she did the same in mine. We were friends,
not intimate but whenever we took the paper we were giving a look and smile of
complicity. And there it was, unfolding the piece of paper with a simple hello
and an emoticon :P I laughed and put it in my pocket. I had another, I unfolded
it, Sheri, and another … Zach? I frowned, he had never left me a note;
instead, I thought I didn’t even know i existed for him. I looked at him out of
the corner of my eye as he checked his bag, on the contrary, I knew he was on
this planet and at school. For a few seconds I noticed his face of
disappointment and I waited patiently to get something out of his bag, but
nothing, now understood the reason of his expression. What the hell? How could
someone as known as Zach Dempsey, basketball star, not have a note? In what
world had we fallen? As far as I was concerned, the sportsman was the most
beloved, even a Troy Bolton in person. I
buffet in my interior, how curious.
I bit my lip. I had never stopped
to leave a note to the aforementioned, I thought that, with so many that would
have, mine would be one more of the pile and insignificant. Because i liked him
a lot, but, i wasn’t a cheerleader or someone with a notorious talent. I hated
it when Mom dragged me to gym classes. And give encouragement? I barely and
could give them myself before stepping into this jungle every morning.
“Another rabbit?” I
heard to my left.
I turned to see Sheri and Hannah
smile at the small drawing the latter held in her hands. I smiled when I saw
it, how funny and tender. Hannah started to laugh. Apparently it was not the
first time she received one but she seemed to love it.
“It’s beautiful,” I
said. Both girls turned to see me and nodded.
I left the room even without
reading the little note of Zach, I was dying of the emotion to know that said
but also filled with fear. The main rule of notes on paper bags was that they
should only leave positive messages, so it was more or less certain, never
At lunchtime I was sitting with
some friends with whom I didn’t share many classes, but we got together from
the first year and they were very nice companies. In my hand I still held the
paper already wrinkled by my nerves. They all knew about the class I took and
also my taste for a sportsman, almost everyone encouraged me to read it at one
time, others, wanted to keep an eye on it and warn me if it was worth that I
knew its content or if It was just a bunch of crap. In the end, I took courage
and decided it was time, however, before opening the paper I heard an angry
scream on the other side of the cafeteria.
I turned. Zach Dempsey was
standing in front of the person who had heard the scream, when it moved, we all
realized that it was Hannah Baker. The place was silent, making that moment
more uncomfortable between the two of them, and even for me. I had never seen
those two together and to be honest, the reaction I got wasn’t good at all, I
mean, Hannah was really beautiful, I could not compare to her. I crumpled the
piece of paper again and hid it in the depths of my backpack. Whatever I said
there, it would only serve to excite me.
Zach left the cafe in silence,
without turning to see anyone. I also did it, but on the opposite side from
where he had left.
Two days later
“Oh, fuck!” I exclaimed
as I quickly stood up from the bench where I was resting with Skye. I had
passed olympically from the cafeteria.
“What?” My friend
seemed surprised by my reaction.
“I forgot my hearing aids in
the communication class”
It was unforgivable that I would
walk in this jungle without the faithful company of music. I just couldn’t
believe I forgot them, they were my best friends. I said goodbye to her and I
almost ran down the hall, there was a chance that I would never see them again
and the money I had, I was saving for something else, if I invested in new
hearing aids, I would have to practically start Of zero my savings, which wasn’t
much by the way.
I dodged the people I ran into in
the hallways. I looked like the devil’s soul, but I felt that with every second
they were alone at my desk, more danger ran. I stopped to recover the air a few
meters from the living room door. I wasn’t an athletic girl and this was too
much of a stretch on my part, I needed to sit down soon.
When I looked to the front, I
discovered that Hannah peered almost desperately into the classroom. I missed
myself and I hit the lockers hoping to see what happened. She made several
gestures, surprise, indignation but, at the end of all, sadness. But what was
happening? I took a step with the intention of approaching her and
investigating what she was spying … or who. Suddenly, the identity of the
“stranger” was revealed. Zach came out of the classroom with a paper
in his hands and the blank expression, almost guilty, seemed nervous. Had he
finally received a note? So why his reaction like that?
“Why me, Zach? Why me?”
I jumped. I hadn’t realized how
much the boy had advanced, but most of all, that Hannah had walked almost to my
height. I felt her tear-filled eyes as she faced the boy for what to know. As
in the cafeteria, we all fell silent, apparently this couple had a lot to show.
I dared to look at Zach, even with the paper in his hands and his serious countenance,
stopped in the middle of the hall and watched the one who had shouted at him, I
couldn’t decipher the way he looked at her, but I could still feel guilty …
Or maybe regret, it was hard to tell, Zach was a guy full of surprises.
Finally the tense atmosphere
dissipated when he broke the bubble. He turned and left without even responding
to Hannah. She turned, too.
“Hannah” I said without
thinking, but she didn’t hear me and disappeared at one of the corners of the
hall. I felt bad even though I didn’t know exactly what it was all about.
At the end of class, I decided
that I didn’t want to go home soon and I remembered that for the moment the
auditorium would be empty, the practices would not start for forty-five
minutes, enough time to finish some homework or just read without the annoying
murmurs Which were heard in the study area. I just wanted silence, to be with
my music and the notebook in my lap. As I predicted, the place was empty, I
smiled as I climbed the steps to be in the middle and proceeded with what I had
planned, however, my concentration wasn’t in the equations in front of me, but rather
in what had happened in the hallway does only a few hours. As I watched, Zach
was a good guy, maybe something childish from time to time, but i couldn’t
imagine that would bring against Hannah but above all, what will have done. I
bit my pencil, he had a note in his hand when he left the classroom … What if
it was not for him? What if it wasn’t from his bag? I bit the pencil harder,
why did Hannah spy on him? why she? I got an idea of what might have happened
and maybe it would be related to what happened in the cafeteria.
My heart began to beat faster. I
understood that he had some interest in her, of course. A hint of
disappointment hugged me and I realized that I still hoped he would look at me,
but how to do it if we have not even crossed words at any time? Or at least not
to any class. I sighed.
I turned off the music on my
phone, ready to leave. Being in school made me think about everything that
happened here; At least at home I could be distracted by Netflix or loud music
and hundreds and hundreds of homework. As he heard me around again, I heard the
bounce of a ball, I looked up. Right in front of the basket I recognized Zach’s
body, especially for the height. My heart raced on instinct and I hated it. So,
I had two options, to leave like a ninja, that is to say, without being heard
or to be seen, or to leave the shyness and cowardice and finally to speak to
him. I bit my lip but cheered.
“Zach!” I exclaimed as
I approached him.
He dropped the ball and turned to
raise his eyebrows. Yes, I’m talking to you. I tried not to roll my eyes.
“Hey, Y/N” He greeted
me as if greeting one of his friends. Well, it was a start.
“You’re good? You look kind
of annoying ”
Conversation. I really needed
“I’m fine.” He
hesitated a little. “Did you read my note?”
His note? Holy sh*t! I had
completely forgotten, had to remain in my backpack, crushed by my books and
other nonsense. I bit my lip. My face was a poem and I knew I had given the
answer to his question when he chuckled.
“I’m sorry” I whispered
“It’s … it surprised me, I mean, I didn’t even think i existed for
“Why do you say that? You
look like a great girl. I like your opinions in class, when the subject
I blushed. Zach Dempsey had
watched me, and more than that, he seemed to know me at least a little of what
I could have imagined after this conversation. I smiled. He was undoubtedly
“Anyway, I’ll see you later,
He took the ball and walked to
pick up his backpack and jacket. What? Had that been our whole conversation? I
stood there as he left, then noticed that a piece of paper had fallen to him.
“Zach, wait!” I shouted
but not hoping to be heard.
I went to where he had collected
his belongings and took that forgotten paper. I know I should not read it, not
even open it, but I was curious, whether it was the one Hannah had been angry
about or was simply a task that was aimed at there. Anyway, I opened it and
read its contents. My heart was broken as I read every word Hannah expressed
there, her feelings, emotions, how she was happy to receive his drawing of
rabbit every time we had communication, as a small detail illuminated her interior
… and that Zach had snatched her away, so my conclusions weren’t so
far-fetched. Zach Dempsey stole the bag notes from Hannah Baker!
With tears in my eyes and anger
at something that didn’t belong to me, I ran to the parking lot, I knew the
sportsman’s car and I was glad to find him, but above all, to him without
leaving. He was throwing his backpack into the back seats when I confronted
“Why did you do it,
He looked at me confused. I
handed him the note and he took it, deserved to keep it as a constant reminder
of his acts of immaturity. All because of a rejection? I had lived with at
least three and that wasn’t stealing valuable belongings from each of them. I
clenched my hands in fists, perhaps mine were simple jealousy, that his
attention was on her not me, or perhaps the actions he did. I didn’t know and I
didn’t stop to find out.
“You didn’t have to read
this, Y/N.” He shook the note in front of my nose and tucked it in his
“I didn’t, but I did. Why
are you so cruel? Why do that?”
“It’s just silly, I don’t
know why you take it so hard” He opened the driver’s door “Besides,
it’s supposed to be Hannah who should be here, you have nothing to do with
“Did you at least understand
what that letter meant?”
I hated a lot when someone hurt
someone else’s feelings, especially in such a stupid act as the sportsman had
“I’m sorry, alright? Is it what
you want to hear? I won’t mess with that stupid bag ever again”
“You don’t have to apologize
to me” I said seriously.
“But at least it made you
happy, didn’t it? What I wanted to get when you read my note”
Zach got into his car and started
off at full speed exiting the parking lot. I was stony again, staring only at the smoke that
the car had lifted when it left. Make me happy?
Hyperventilating I knelt on the
floor and began to pull my things out of my backpack wanting to look for that
note. When I finally found it I unfolded it, wanting to smooth it, but the pile
of wrinkles indicated that that was already impossible. I felt a lump in my
throat as I read what I had written.
You look pretty in that color. Maybe someday you want to go out with
me, because I want to go out with you.
“Oh, fuck!” I
whispered, reading those words more than once.
I looked back to where I had seen
her car one last time and I felt like the dumbest person in the world. Why had
not I read the note when I had the chance?
I used to work in a takeaway cafe on a military base. The building the cafe was in had a bunch of different shops (a bank, a bar, hairdresser… that sort of crap) and an ATM.
When the military personnel got paid, they’d come in asking us to break the $50 notes the ATM dispensed, either without buying something, or just getting a drink or something small.
And so many got pissy when I asked them for a smaller note or to pay with card because the 100 people in line before them did the same thing and I HAVE NO SMALL VALUE NOTES LEFT YOU ASSHOLES
But like, they could have gone to the bank to exchange it? They LITERALLY HAVE TO WALK PAST THE BANK TO GET INTO OUR STORE!
The managers always tried their best to make sure we had plenty of smaller notes for change on “hell day”, but despite how close the bank is, it’s still difficult to get someone over there when we run out because you need all hands on deck with 100 odd customers in the store.
bio :Jaebum makes sure he’s far away from you for when the heat cycle strikes, but just when he thinks your friendship is safe from his monstrous hormones there you are at his doorstep.
author’s note :here’s a little treat for my darling followers! I hope this was worth the long wait! BTW, how many levels of hell are there?? I’m sure I must have dug beneath the lowest one by now with all this smut..
Aight that’s it. I need some witchy positivity in this damn site.
But I’ll need some help.
I’d like to complie a photoset of various grimoires/ books of shadows ect to show it can look any way you’d like.
It can be as simple and neat as the notes you take in class
It can be as grand as the grimoires of old
It can be one hot majestical mess like my own book
Hell, it can be a pile of post-it notes
Or any variation that hasn’t been mentioned!
Point is I want to show the diversity of grimoires beyond what we see in popular photoposts.
No witch’s book is lesser. They are all for the sake of tracking our progress as practitioners!
Submission box should be open, send me a snapshot or 2 of your witchy book pages. I’ll make a photo post (or a few depending on how many submissions I get) displaying all the various bos/ grimoire formats and styles out there (with credit obviously, unless you say otherwise. Bc some people need to be anonymous + that’s totally fine)
Doesn’t matter what kid of witch or magical practitioner you are, all are welcome!
I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t draw anything in a few days but I couldn’t help myself xD. Today I was checking my old drawings from back in October and saw my Naboo AU (btw, how the hell did it get so many notes??) and I just had to continue it somehow.
So Ghost!Obi-Wan is now haunting Qui-Gon, trying to get him out of his depression/self-destructive state, but it seems his old master isn’t able to listen to him.
WE DO knot ALWAYS LOVE YOU Part 12 full translation
6th Division Barracks - Lieutenant’s room.
After they finished submitting their documents to the Higher Order Spirit Rank Administration Bureau earlier than expected, they had quite some time left until the Noble Assembly reception counter was opened which they had to visit next, Renji who was accompanied by Rukia, came to pack things up at his private quarters.
“You haven’t tidied up at all!?”
As soon as she opened the (fusuma) sliding screen, Rukia was dumbfounded by the disastrous scene before her.
Surrounding the futon that was laid out at the centre of the room, clothes, books, a soccer ball to muscle training goods, every possible item was scattered about in utter chaos.
“It’s because I was occupied one way or another It couldn’t be helped you know!? There’s a box over there, so you can gradually pack everything in however you want”
“It’s okay to do it however we want? But shouldn’t we consider sorting it out……”
“Nah, right now speed is essential! We’ll sort everything out at our new home!”
Whilst wondering whether or not that would be the reality, Rukia began packing things up off of the floor and into the box.
Officially seated members who are 9th seat or above, are given private rooms within the squad barracks. Most people go to sleep and wake up there, however people wishing to live outside the squad barracks are given a class of housing appropriate to their station. No more than one room of a housing complex is rented out to those up to 3rd seat, but when it comes to captains and vice captains, they are provided with detached housing large enough to be called ‘mansions’.
Until now, Renji was living at the squad barracks, Rukia at the Kuchiki mansion, after the establishment of their marriage they will both utilise that system and move into a mansion together built in the central first sector.
“This looks okay! I’ll tidy up bit by bit later myself. Thanks, Rukia!”
“This is……enough? ……alright”
To Rukia, the place still seemed like it was cluttered, but she convinced herself it’s good enough if the person himself says it’s okay.
“There’s still a little time. Drink some tea or……”
When the nurse told Keith that Hunk had broken his right arm, his whole body went cold. He had so many questions: How was Hunk suppose to take notes in class? Or cook? Or bake? Or work on his car? He quickly realized the cold numb feeling he had was guilt, and his next question to himself was: How the hell can I apologize for this?
After months of convincing and reassuring Hunk that he was a licensed motorist, Keith finally got him to sit on his motorcycle. Then it took another few weeks to actually get Hunk to ride with him. Their first couple of rides were a mess of tears and puke, and Hunk would almost crush Keith’s ribs with how tight he’d cling onto him. He would hop off the bike trembling from fright, but nothing bad ever happened; They didn’t crash or burn like Hunk kept imagining they would. And like that, with each ride, Hunk warmed up to it more and more.
When you finally got to the tower you found Draco standing at the railing look at the beautiful scenery below.
“Hey,” You said sneaking up on him.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?”
“I think Pansy’s getting jealous,” You quickly said.
You feared this would happen.
“Why? Wasn’t this her plan?” He ran his hands into his hair.
“Yeah, but I don’t think she thought we would actually become close and start…” You realized you said too much and Draco noticed.
“Start to…like each other,“ He moves towards you.
“Yes and I feel guilty for lying to her and telling her that there is nothing goi…”
Draco shut you up with a kiss. As much as you hated to admit it, you liked it.
In that moment you had completely forgotten about Blaise and Pansy, all that mattered was the two of you.
When it was getting a bit heated you pulled away and rested your forehead on his.
He put his finger on your lip. “Please don’t ruin this moment by bringing them up. Y/N I like you, a lot and maybe it’s not the best time for us but I’m done hiding my feelings,”
“I like you too and thats why I’m gonna talk to Blaise tomorrow and tell him everything,”
“Try to let him down easy alright? He’s still my mate,”
You smile and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you later,”
Telling your boyfriend that you have fallen for his best friend wasn’t a situation you pictured yourself to ever be in. Alas here you were in the Slytherin common room late at night waiting for Blaise to arrive.
He came in wearing the biggest smile. Giving you a bear hug he says, “Its like I never see you anymore,”
“Sorry, I’ve been very busy,” You lied.
“What did you want to talk about?” Blaise scratched the back of his neck and he only did that he was nervous.
You didn’t want to sugar coat anything, “I think we should break up,” The look on his face was exactly what you wanted to avoid but that was ultimately impossible with news like this.
“It’s Draco isn’t it?” He never made eye contact once. As if I was dementor that was gonna suck the life out of him.
You took a deep breath. “Yeah, it is and Blaise I am so sorry…”
“Save it Y/N, just save it. You said it was going to be ‘harmless fun’ but that was total bullshit,”
You were genuinely sorry it had to get like this but better it came from you than hear it from someone else.
He continued. “And bloody hell? With my best friend too?… Go ahead you two deserve each other,” Blaise stormed off on you and that was the last thing he ever said to you.
You met up with Draco the next day in the Potions classroom. While the professor was talking you two were having your own conversation.
"How’d it go last night?” The paper read.
“I broke up with my boyfriend to be with his best friend. How do you think it went? Blaise didn’t talk to me at all this morning,” You wrote back.
You were guilty that so many people were getting hurt.
“If it makes you feel any better, Pansy gave me the silent treatment too,”
You were too into your note passing that you hadn’t noticed the classes attention had shifted over to the two of you.
“Ms. L/N, Mr. Malfoy is there anything you’d like to share?” Your professor said.
Embarrassed, you shake your head no and look back down.
‘Bloody hell’ You thought. ’This is going to be a long year.’
It was late at night and Pansy’s bed was still empty. As a best friend you were concerned until you heard the door knob turn.
You yelled even though you couldn’t see her, “Oh god Pansy, where have you been? I thought…”
“Y/N, its me,” That definitely was not a girls voice.
“Draco,” You lept from your bed and into his arms. With your head buried into his chest you asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to spend the night with you,”
“Then come on in,” You held his hand, leading him to your bed.
Draco slid in behind you spooning you. He put his arm around you and kissed your head.
Softly rubbing your thumb on his hand, you slowly fell into deep sleep.
Sort of an add-on to the ask I sent and my response from @pontmarius
Dear Evan Hansen. What would I do without Dear Evan Hansen? What would so many people do without Dear Evan Hansen?
So many wonderful people found happiness while either listening to the soundtrack or going to see the show. It’s a musical that’s scarily relatable, down to each character.
What my best friend and I are doing is posting sticky notes of inspirational quotes of Broadway productions all over school, since recently a boy in our school killed himself, and many people were devastated.
Dear Evan Hansen, and musicals in general, have inspired and saved so many people out in the world, helped them through life, depression, or another time in their life they weren’t proud of. Hell, it can help you get through a great day, but makes it stronger by spending time to listen to your favourite music.
It’s crazy how a few words in a song can help brighten someone’s day, and how it can help them through a tough time.
Dear Evan Hansen, and musicals like Hamilton or Newsies, are revolutionary. Relatable, powerful, and beautiful don’t even begin to describe the emotion many people feel when they listen to and see these musicals.