how not to become a little old lady

Realizations

           The first thing Jason realizes once he gets Tim out of his clothes is just how fucking small he is. His hands are on the boy’s hips and he can almost stretch them around his entire waist. And yea, he’s got big hands, but what the fuck? How does Bruce even let Tim out of the house, much less on patrol? Jason suddenly has the strongest urge to keep Tim locked away in his safe house for an immeasurable amount of time like it’s some ivory tower where nothing can ever hurt him and Jason is the big mean dragon hell bent on protecting him.

           It’s a ridiculous thought to have, because if anyone knows first hand just how well Tim can protect himself it’s Jason. Barely a week ago he’d had his head slammed into a wall a bit too hard for even his helmet to take, and he’d been able to do nothing but watch as Tim took down six mobsters twice his size with an empty utility belt and a butt-load of determination. It had been one of the hottest things Jason had ever seen, and if he hadn’t been suffering from a severe concussion at the time he probably would have kissed Tim. (He did get to kiss him later, at least, when Tim was laying with him in his sickbed at the manor after getting Alfred to patch him up. It had even made him a little less salty about Tim having taken him back to the Wayne center of operations).

           But shit, the kid has to only weigh about a hundred pounds. To test the theory Jason picks him up and throws him onto the bed of this month’s safe house. Tim looks taken aback for a very brief moment before his eyes become hooded and focus directly on Jason. He practically purrs, reaching out for the other man, and shit, the nerd liked it. Well, with how easy he is to toss around there’s certainly more where that came from.

           Jason climbs on top of him, pressing Tim’s petit body into the mattress with his weight and keeping him trapped there. He could just keep him like this forever, completely shielded from the world, warm and pliant in his arms. Well, until the next time some little old lady needs help crossing the street and Tim feels obligated to rush out and do the world some good, but hey, a man can dream.

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//LADIES AND GENTS, I AM NOW A MENTOR~

Now, in becoming a mentor, I’m able to see just how badly this system has been abused, and will summarily start reporting folks who are being shitturds and not mentor-like at all.

What on earth do you mean, Kai?

I mean the overwhelming amount of Mentors I’ve run into who are, quite honestly, little shitstains with no concept of how to be helpful at ALL and are nothing but rude and condescending to new and old players alike.

See those rules? The fact most mentors I’ve run across refuse to follow those rules just so they can have a powertrip is exactly why I’ve been working so hard towards mentor. Because even when I wasn’t wearing that crown next to my name, I at least fuckin’ tried to be polite and helpful if you weren’t being a trolly, asinine little shit.

It's Time We Take the Next Step

 Hello, Love bugs! 

Dan X Reader

Warnings- Fluff and swears because of Dan amirite?

I used my dog as a reference to this fic. His name is Scooter. He happens to be the little love of my life. He is as described in the fic for looks.The only different is that he is 14 turning 15 in April. I made a gif of him.

Hello, love bugs !! Dan x reader Hi so can you make a Dan x reader and in the fic the reader and Dan adopt a dog? And can you possibly have some fluff in it? Thanks!-anonymous.


“Dan, do you know what today is ?” You’re practically jumping up and down on the bed with excitement. You have been waiting for this day for months and it was finally here. 

“Is it the day you finally let me sleep in on a Thursday? If not then I’m not currently interested.” Dan rolls over to face away from you. It was already 9:30 am he had plenty time to sleep.

“Daniel Howell we can sleep when were dead today is the day! Today is the day we make a huge step in our relationship. We’re becoming parents today.

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I have a lot of feelings about the fact that the New York Vampire clan invests in antiquities in TV canon. Much like the bagged blood, it’s a little detail that implies a lot of organization behind the scenes, and presumably a lot of bizarre paperwork. How do they validate this stuff? Do they even bother with the legalities? Did they accidentally become the biggest artifact smugglers in New York city just because a few of the older vampires didn’t want to bother with bringing their stuff into the country legally and just got a warlock to portal them in?

Do New York curators spend a lot of time wondering why their contacts never want to meet in the daytime? Are there members of the clan with actual degrees? What poor vampire is now a registered archaeologist because he drew the short straw? Which ones dress up as little old ladies so they can convince buyers that they found this real-actual-Monet in their attic?

It’s not like preserving artifacts is easy either. You need climate control, a way to handle it safely, sealed cases… you can’t exactly order the right equipment on Amazon. 

Basically Raphael probably knows a lot more about museum level restoration and preservation techniques than he’s willing to let on. Poor boy just wanted to get into politics and he accidentally ended up taking night classes in Art History so he can sound professional when he tries to convince private collectors that Camille’s three hundred year old nude drawings are Important Historical Documents.

It still amazes me that Foggy actually thought he was going to be a big corporate lawyer who only cared about getting paid.

This is Mr. Stays out all night with his secretary that he barely knows purely because she’s afraid to go home and spends the whole time either making her laugh or trying to get her to believe in the world again.

This is Mr. I can’t speak Spanish but I will not only help this little old lady with her legal problems, I will become her friend and fix up her apartment, all while not really knowing what she’s saying.

This is Mr. Is so busy thinking about the safety of others after being caught in an explosion that it takes him hours to realize he’s been stabbed, despite knowing he was in pain the whole time. 

Foggy constantly puts other people first, he can’t stand people being taken advantage of, he is so good, he is so good and don’t think he has any idea how good he is. It must be so automatic to him it doesn’t even register.

Foggy, you adorable little muffin. You could never have cared about money more than people, not for a second.

Fluffy Ciel x Sieglinde headcanons !! >w<

Because the Ciel x Sieglinde fandom (which already isn’t that great ;_;) seriously needs fluffy headcanons so.. Here they are ! >w< Let’s imagine how these two would get along if they lived in the Phantomhive’s Manor !

Ciel:

  • This cutie little dork always asks Sebastian to make sure that Sieglinde is okay and has everything she needs. He says that it’s because she is his guest, but neither Sebby, nor Finny, Bard or May-rinn believe him. He’s a Tsundere after all !
  • He sometimes plays chess with Sieglinde but gets all embarrassed when she loses and puts on the pouty face (because you know, Ciel and women…)
  • He doesn’t want Sieglinde to be too much into his Queen’s Watchdog’s job, so he hides it from her, using Soma (yeah, that guy really is useful y’know) as a distraction. It doesn’t work.
  • He of course teaches her how to speak English ! Turns out she’s really good at it
  • Since he is freakingly rich, he orders a lot of “outside world outfits” for her, and Sieglinde loves them. She also likes Nina btw
  • Sometimes, Ciel gets really tired from his work (ruling the Funtom Company y’know). Do not forget that he’s still a 14-year-old boy ! So when he’s that exhausted, he just wants to eat sweets and cakes with Sieglinde (who is perfectly okay with that)
  • He still isn’t very good with telling nice things (TSUNDERE. NEVER FORGET) so he sometimes tells her very mean things. He doesn’t feel guilty about it; however, he tries his best not to do that again.
  • He has nightmares so he would sometimes end up sneaking into Sieglinde’s room. He quickly realizes that she is not sleeping either and she tells him she has nightmares too. So they spend their night talking about a lot of different things, playing chess, eating sweet stuff..

Sieglinde:

  • Turns out that she’s BFFs with Soma and the two of them just love playing pranks on Ciel. And when he gets angry, she just laughs, because she’s cute when she laughs and she knows it.
  • She teaches Ciel how to speak German, but he is not very good at it. And she loves seeing his embarrassed, red face when she tells him he got something wrong.
  • Sieglinde always notices when Ciel is going  on a mission, even if he tries to hide it from him. However, she surprisingly isn’t worried: she trusts him, and knows that he will be okay. After all, he saved her from her “curse” !
  • She is a little jealous of Lizzy. And both of them would compete to know who is the best at making Ciel smile. The answer is none of them, because he doesn’t show it when he smiles. But the fact is that his favourites “Make Ciel smile” tactics are Sieglinde’s; he became a little too used to Lizzy’s way of doing things and when it involves turning the Manor into a pinky, sparkly flashy thing, he yells more than he laughs.
  • Being tired of spending all her days in the manor without doing anything, she starts to help Ciel with the Funtom Company, mostly with German associates.
  • She still makes a LOT of dirty jokes.
  • She hopes that she will be able to walk someday, so she trains to become a true lady and accompanies Ciel to all of his mondaine soirées. 
  • Because she wants to protect her favourite eye-patch guy, she learns how to use a gun.
  • Learning that she actually isn’t a witch mentally destroyed her. When you’re 11 years old and you discover that your whole life has been a lie, I don’t think you stay as sane as you used to be. So sometimes, she would overreact or take Ciel’s words a little too wholeheartedly. She always forgives him though, because she feels like he is the only person that actually cares for her. He was her first friend, her very first friend who helped her to discover the outside world, he opened the door to that new, beautiful world for her and she loves him for this.
  • She likes to sing lullabies for Ciel, even if he acts tough and tells her that he doesn’t need that. She knows he does.
  • She sometimes feels like he doesn’t reciprocate the love she gives him, so she asks him if she isn’t bothering him or anything. He says she doesn’t, and she hugs him tightly.

Well, that’s all for today >< hope it is satisfying, and sorry if my English isn’t that good, I’m French ^^”

UT relationship

Ok I know everyone likes to ship Undertaker with hot young women or petit 20 year-olds but imagine:

Undertaker walking into a tea shop or whatever and meeting some adorable little old lady and they start talking about old person times and how much they have in common.
Like they discuss how much their bones crack and how the youth don’t appreciate them or what it was like before having these new-fangled technology and they just totally hit it off.

And instead of UT trying to get them in
bed he just visits the tea shop to see her every couple of mornings and they just talk about stuff and they become the best of friends.

Just imagine that because it’s FRICKIN ADORABLE

I’m now starting to get the impression some people in the overwatch fandom legit think women can only have smooth skin right up to the age of 29 like the minute they hit 30 POOF they become crones a la the anime grandma trope. like you guys know Beyonce is 35? Kira knightly is 31? Not to mention plastic surgery exists and would be MY first port of call after changing my identity.

And if you wanna say “she doesn’t ACT 30” well how does a person act 30 should sombra be making healthy snacks and updating her Pinterest boards or something?

If ya want to see a little less Pixar face on the ow ladies then that’s legit, I agree with you, but stop phrasing it like “sombra’s too pretty to be that old!” bc that’s just downright offensive.

The Tiniest Old Lady or the Largest Baby?

Same campaign as this post.  A little context: Still playing Rhyannon, the world’s shittiest tiny vampire “child” and I am infamous in my group for my absurdly bad rolls, especially with this character. I typically roll 3-6 1’s per session and this night I had already rolled 3 of them.

We’re currently facing down against Vincenti, the master vampire who turned Rhyannon when she was a child, as well as about 40ish vampire thralls in total. We are nearing the end of the fight and are all pretty heavily wounded.

Vincenti: You loathsome child, this is payback for the pain you have caused me!

Me: I haven’t done shit to you! You ruined my life!

DM (OOC): And he casts bestow curse with the effect of making you old.  Like, super old.

Me (OOC): Am I still the same size?  Do I just become the tiniest little old lady ever?

DM (OOC): Yeah you’re still like 4 feet tall.

Me (OOC): How old do I look? How much did I age?

DM (OOC): You know what, roll me a 1d100 and we’ll find out

Me (OOC): *rolls a 1*

Everyone just absolutely loses it

Me (OOC): *while crying* It… it’s a 1… Do I just… do I just age 1 year or am I a baby now? Am I a 4 foot tall baby?

DM (OOC): *annoyed* You know what, you are not allowed to roll anymore because no matter what, it is ridiculous.  You roll 1’s even when it’s literally a 1% chance.

How Kind of You

This is another short story for a special lady - @waywardjoy. Sweetheart, I had this thought and remembered you liked old films and well… this is for you, you helped me get back into the swing of a series and have been nothing but kind when I pester you, you’re becoming a fast friend! Hope you like this…

Summary: It’s movie time with Sam, you pick your fave movie, little does he know you can recite every line and sing every song … not just when the movie’s on.
Word Count: 1570
Warnings: Fluff and Smut!
A/N: This is unbeat’d and for some reason my mind isn’t playing nice anytime I try and write smut… so apologies if it’s shit.

Originally posted by frozen-delight

The music started and you collapsed back onto the bed, bouncing yourself back to the headboard and under Sam’s arm.
He chuckled, amused at your excitement for the old movie you’d seen hundreds of times before. Little did he know he was in for a show, you knew this movie word for word, song for song, action for action.
You couldn’t help your legs jiggling as the screen faded up from black, rain poured and the cobbled streets of Covent Garden were packed with London, snobs hailing cabs to get out of the miserable weather. Then there was Freddy and his mother. Sam put a large hand on your thigh to settle you.
“Two bunches of violets trod in the mud, a full day’s wages.” you said under your breath as Freddy bumped into Eliza, sending her sprawling, basket and all. Sam thought he knew exactly what he was in for now, you’d say every line… little did he know you’d proudly sing every song!
Minutes later, when Sam had managed to drown out your mutterings, you flung your arm out as you sang the first line,
“Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter!” Your booming English accent scared the younger Winchester half to death, but you didn’t realize, as you went along with the rest of the song much to Sam’s annoyance.

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orc ladies in cute high-waisted floral print shorts and crop tops

orc ladies in practical, well-worn leather/steel armour who keep flowers on the inside of their breast plates and other little, soft gifts like embroidery from their lovers

high society orc ladies who take pleasure in wearing flimsy, delicate clothing because it shows how much control they have to avoid it ripping or becoming dirty

orc ladies in old, stained overalls with mis-matched long socks and sandals and big floppy sunhats

mage orc ladies who have to keep telling their travel companions they don’t know how to use weapons properly and to stop trying to give them weapons while they weave shield spells and brew healing potions

orc ladies with hard jawlines and flat, dense muscle, big bellies, thick thighs, and short hair who are described as beautiful and have lots of admirers and people who give them boons and tokens to take into battle

orc ladies who don’t care about beauty standards and just want to do their jobs and live their lives without worrying about how they look to others

orc ladies who are gentle and quiet and wear soft, billowy clothes and tend to animals and grow plants around their cottages

scholarly orc ladies with glasses and soft, un-calloused hands and neatly trimmed nails who painstakingly transcribe important historical stories and laws and keep libraries

orc ladies who love jewellery and are covered in gems and pretty stones and corals and petrified wood all carved into interesting designs, many from distant places they visited during their travels

ambassador orc ladies who speak a dozen languages and have heard ‘you’re so articulate for an orc’ too many times to count, but who tirelessly argue for trading rights, attend diplomatic events, help visiting politicians, etc.

orc ladies with long hair that they style in new ways every day– sometimes in braids, sometimes done up into elaborate shapes and pinned on top of their head, sometimes woven with flowers and sweet-smelling grasses

orc ladies who are covered in tattoos. some tell stories from their lives, others are important cultural symbols or represent something from a legend, others just because they like the design

short little orc ladies who use their low centre of gravity and strength to throw opposition over their shoulders during battle

elderly orc ladies who sit in the sun to warm their aching joints before spinning threads to make clothing and blankets for their grandchildren

orc ladies in corsets and lingerie and high heels who delight in the shapes they help create and seeing the lust they inspire in their lovers

orc ladies with a lot of body hair that they groom into patterns and trim into designs as part of their culture and fashion

cheerful, friendly orc ladies who giggle sweetly and get excited easily and always try and help others around them

deaf orc ladies who live together and sign and have in-jokes and who sometimes do mercenary work together as a team since they can communicate easily and know each other so well they can read each other make a flawless team

solitary orc ladies who live in the woods and get reputations as local witches who act as midwives and healers and councillors to those brave enough to come to their door

artisan orc ladies with delicate, quick fingers and sharp eyes, who have a burning passion for their media and organise art shows all over the realm

orc ladies who bond with dragons and fly with them and go on treasure hunts with their scaly companions and sleep together in a pile by big fire pits

anonymous asked:

headcanons for kageyama, oikawa, noya, akaashi and kenma when a kind grandma tells them how cute of a couple they are~~

Kageyama

  • Kageyama is really stunned for a moment, he absolutely doesn’t know how to react and just stands stiffly at your side. The grip around your hand gets almost painfully tight
  • He needs some moments to process the said thing. While he realizes what the nice grandma said, his faces becomes as red as a tomato
  • Meanwhile you thank the old lady and pull him along. He stutters out a thanks when you already continued walking on


Oikawa

  • Oikawa would be overly happy to hear that, thank the old woman with a bright smile and pay her a compliment in return
  • He wraps her round his little finger in an instant. They start a little conversation and Oikawa’s a total charmer
  • Hearing all those compliments, he can’t help but put an arm around your shoulder and pull you closer during the talk. He somehow turns this talk around so he tells the granny what a great girlfriend you are


Nishinoya

  • Nishinoya would thank her in an excessive and over the top manner, so the grandma soon seems to be a little overwhelmed
  • You try to physically restrain him as inconspicuously as possible so he doesn’t crush the grandma in a hug
  • In between thanking the granny, praising you as a girlfriend and telling about your relationship, he gets too fired up. You end up waving apologetically at the old lady while gently pulling Noya away


Akaashi

  • The corner of Akaashi’s mouth quirks up ever so slightly and he thanks the old woman politely, while you just smile next to him.
  • He starts grazing his thumb over your knuckles and can’t help but peeking at your blushing face. He sees this as a daily reminder how fortunate he is to have you as his girlfriend
  • Akaashi is very flattered about the compliment and probably will think about it the rest of the day


Kenma

  • Kenma’s grip on your hand wasn’t tight to begin with, but when the granny compliments you, he lets go of your hand immediately
  • He doesn’t know how to react to the compliment. He feels uncomfortable, so he averts his gaze and tries his hardest not blush
  • He has the urge to flee from this situation, but stays at your side, because he loves you. Even though he unconsciously shuffles a little bit away from you

cas goes to the little ice cream shop downtown everyday to try a new flavor and figure out what exactly he likes

there’s quite a bit of flavors, and he quickly becomes a regular to the shop. the cashiers greet him cheerfully when he comes in, because even though he’s quiet, there’s something very serene about him.

one of the old ladies and her granddaughter are also regulars and they’ll usually sit next to him and the little girl bightly introduces herself as camila. she chats his ear off about how excited she is to enter kindergarten next year. she’ll show off how high she can count too, the number growing larger everyday. one memorable occasion, she uses cas’ fingers to count to a hundred, proudly wiggling each one in turn to get there. she grasps his hand with both of hers, then, and abruptly brings him in for a hug.

the old lady smiles at him mostly, and after a few days of awkwardly waving at each other, she introduces herself as beth, shaking his hand. cas slyly uses some of his grace to heal the pain in her lower back, and she looks at him suspiciously for the rest of the day, but she’s warmer than ever after that.

sometimes cas will go to the pound after finishing his ice cream, and he starts a routine of buying a few cones for the employees there too. the animals all love him, and one of the cats, a small tabby named beans, takes a special liking to cas. he’ll rub around his ankles whenever cas comes in and follow him around until cas leaves.

and anyway one day cas looks around and realizes he has a home in this town, in the people in it. he’s not an angel, or a human here, he’s just cas, and he finally has an idea of who that is.

Ten (extremely depressing) life lessons from Supernatural:

1.  No matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you will probably end up causing the apocalypse.   

2.  Everyone you sleep with will die horribly. 

3.  There is no problem in life that can’t be solved with binge-drinking. 

4.   If you have romantic feelings for someone, never, ever tell them.  Just stare at them. 

5.  In fact, never express emotions to anyone, period.  Just suppress them as much as possible and hope they eventually go away. 

6.  Symptoms of PTSD will become a part of every day life.

7.  If you’re a good person, you will probably spend most of your time being manipulated and shoved around by everyone else.

8.  No matter how innocent or harmless something seems, it will at some point try to kill you.  This includes children…

…little old ladies…

…and clowns.

(Just kidding.  Clowns have always been evil).

9.  Family is all you have in life.  But usually it sort of sucks. 

10.  Everything you love will die.  Multiple times. 

anonymous asked:

Did u notice when felicity said "dressing in leather and tying people up" that old lady walked right behind them and gave them the funniest look of all time 😂😂. I really hope it become some like political sex scandel, halarious!!!

“They’re into that B.D.S.M. I heard it! Like those 50 Shades books!”

“Is that how you say it? BDSM, like B-D-S-M?”

“It’s not biddism, is it? That sounds ridiculous.”

“Almost as ridiculous as you saying that sweet little thing is into BDSM.”

“I heard her!”

“I could see him being into it. Who knows what really happened to him when he was “away.” And remember when everyone thought he was the Arrow? Maybe they just caught him going into Club Tie-Me-Up-and-Spank-Me.”

“So our mayoral candidate is into spanking?”

*someone hears*

“Oliver Queen’s into spanking!”

“Felicity Smoak is like Ana Steele!”

“Oliver Queen ties Felicity Smoak up every night!”

*someone hears who knows their shit*

“Oh please, people, you do realize that she’s the dominant one in that relationship, right?”

1. Xiumin

“Why is it scratching me…”

2. Luhan

“Are you planning to become an old lady with 20 cats?”

*I’m hilarious*

3. Kris

“But…why are there so many of them…”

4. Suho

“How do you take care of all of them?”

5. Lay

“They’re so cute…”

6. Baekhyun

“No wonder you can act like a cat so well with all these little things in your house…”

7. Chen

“I expected one, not five!”

8. Chanyeol

“No wonder I always sneeze around you…uhm…I’m allergic, you know…”

9. D.O.

*why is it nearing me? stay still, Kyungsoo, stay still and don’t show fear, nor affection…*

10. Tao

“You’re literally giving yourself up. Someday you might be single and the number of those cats will multiply…”

11. Kai

“Aren’t they a bit too much?”

Y/N: You have three dogs!

“First of all, how dare you…”

12. Sehun

“Those ain’t cuter than me though…”

—————-

Hope you liked it! ^^

Though at the slightly brighter side, checking the script further, apparently rather than keeping the line a character randomly say in My Castle area mostly same but only without honorific like in the JPN vers., the NoA vers. has instead added another new, more intimate line for these characters who originally refer you with honorific (including the younger siblings) after you have married them. That’s actually kinda nice imo.

But, yeah. Unfortunately in this case, the bonus only works for them who calls you with a honorific! So, it means characters like the Elder Siblings, Flannel or Tsukuyomi don’t get a new or more intimate line even after you have married them as they never refer Kamui with a honorific in the original.

Examples and comparison for Joker (heh, of course!) below the cut to give you a better idea for what I mean!

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