how much is that phil in the window

the most married conversation i've ever witnessed with my own two ears
  • phil: we have added something new to dan and phil shop!... did you not bring it? that was your one job for this liveshow
  • dan: i had a job?
  • phil: yes! go get it
  • dan: so much responsibility
  • phil: we've still got fruit flies, i don't know what to do with them
  • dan: if you open the window, they all just fly in, that's how life works
  • phil: but there's no fruit in here!

author: chrevastan
word count: 2153 (oneshot)
characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader College!AU (Fluff)
warnings: none
A/N: This is my entry for @theassetseyeliner‘s AU Writing Challenge. I had so much fun writing this. Thanks for letting me participate, Erin! :)
Prompt:  “Why are you so dramatic and keep coming in through the window?”

Originally posted by seabasschino

“I’m giving you one last chance, Miss Y/L/N. If you don’t earn a satisfactory mark in this test, I’ll have no choice but to fail you.”

It had been a week since your grade consultation with one of your program’s most feared instructors, Professor Phil Coulson, but no matter how hard you tried, you still couldn’t rid yourself of your bubbling anxiety. You’ll never forget how intimidated you felt when you arrived at his office that Friday afternoon. He didn’t even bother to hide the disappointment at the steady decline of your marks.

Truth be told, you were disappointed at yourself too–because, what the hell, you were the third most outstanding student in your class, and you would’ve been the first if it weren’t for Stark and Banner. You were doing fine halfway through the semester but somewhere along the way, you began to neglect your academic performance.

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anonymous asked:

the pigeon drama :( it was exactly like you said, dan immediately had that face like he was trying to be annoyed with phil and thinking "this guy" in his head, but he was just so fond?

when he was talking about how phil just looks out the window and watches birds and said like ‘honestly phil’s obsessed with birds’ i rly wanted to start crying bc it was genuinely so fond? and its so nice to think of him trying to be annoyed like ‘ugh this is what you dragged me upstairs for?’ but then still standing there with phil by the window to watch the birds with him and like laugh at how excited phil is and just bask in phil’s joy in that moment???? the fuck? the pigeon drama is def gonna go down as one of the most loving and affectionate stories dan’s shared.

it all reminds me so much of this iconic tweet from 2015:

and these are just two of so many examples of dan so eagerly deciding to talk about phil getting excited over random things and trying to play it off like it’s annoying but really just so transparently loving him for it. i love them :( they make me feel so soft :(

fic: Of Sunsets and Swings

title: of sunsets and swings

genre: reality/tiniest bit of angst if you squint

word count: 2300

description: a little getaway cements an idea they’ve had for a while now and brings a sense of relief they never expected to feel. (ft. mother lester, some jetlag and a couple of swings)

“I find some irony in being in a kid’s park while we make this very grown-up decision.”

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Summary: Dan had always thought he was the moon. Phil Lester was definitely the sun.

Word count: 3917

Warnings: A very brief mention of contemplating self-harm.

A/N: Though I’ve been writing fanfiction for like five years, this is my first phanfic, so I hope it’s not too bad. Also, special thanks to Gisele (@fringegaps) for encouraging me to write this, and then for helping me get the confidence to actually post it.

(Ao3 link)

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the great colin conundrum

summary: Dan’s boyfriend breaks up with him, and Phil does his very best to get Dan to realize they’re perfect for each other. Unfortunately, Dan’s oblivious and his dog, Colin, is out to ruin Phil’s plans.
word count: 2200
warnings: slight angst in the beginning, heavy kissing, slight presmut, i swear like a sailor
prompt: “something where dnp are best friends when they are younger (maybe high school age) and dan has a dog that phil doesn’t like but eventually warms up to as he falls in love with dan or something lame like that”
Listen to the playlist here

Phil loves his best friend Dan - honestly, he does.

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One last crime

Criminals AU/PastelxPunk (but not in the traditional sense)

Read it on ao3!

Summary: Twisted hearts and twisted minds, but one constant remains - their love.

Word count: 5k

A/N: This is only partially edited oneshot that I was randomly inspired to write based on a phanart I saw HERE by @geewuun Hope you enjoy!

Trigger warnings: Some blood, weapons, violence, robbery, sexual themes (Nothing too graphic though)


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Summary: Dan and Phil hide from the world, making sure it’s only them, and Dan asking Phil to be his world.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: This is unedited sorry, hopefully I’ll actually start uploading again. Oh and this was inspired by Satellite by Nickelback.

Dan was love struck and everyone knew that. Everyone could tell how madly he was in love with Phil. Of course though, what was there not to love? He was the kindest soul you would ever meet, he never thought about himself, only others. That was only the surface of it. Deep down he was this child almost, one that it was impossible not to love. The simple way his face lit up when he was excited. That smile, the breath taking smile, with his eyes blown and pupils dilated. It made Dan’s heart pound faster and faster when he saw it.

He felt honored that he saw that face all the time. Honored that Phil was his best friend, someone he loved unconditionally. However, his heart broke knowing that Phil wasn’t his. He desperately wanted Phil more than he had him. To call him his, for him to be his love, boyfriend, maybe, hopefully, fiance and husband someday. That was the dream, one he didn’t know if he would ever get to fulfill and that was okay. What he had with Phil was special and he wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.

He wondered if Phil loved him to. If his heart skipped for him, like Dan’s does for him. He wondered if Phil was head over heels, madly in love. Or was it all an act. He always caught Phil catching glimpse at him, always staring at him like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He knows that Phil thinks he’s beautiful, he’s told him many times before. How he loved his dimple, wishing he had one himself, the smooth complexion of his skin, that shimmer in his eyes. Almost like stars were there, aligning themselves, creating something even more beautiful.

They were upstairs in the gaming room, Phil editing the latest sims video and Dan working on his script for his new video. Phil’s nerves were winding down, they had so much they had to do. Videos to film and edit, traveling to do, events and meetups to hold, keeping up with fans, and friends and family to see. It was all too much for the boy, his mind couldn’t focus. Tears found their way into his eyes, soon breaking the barricades. As they cascaded down his cheeks, a soft and a quiet sob escaped him, himself visibly shaking.

“Phil?” Dan’s head whipped upwards, his heart cracking when he saw him crying. “Hey hey hey don’t cry.” Tossing his laptop to the side he walked over and hugged him, bringing him to the sofa bed. Phil’s sobs were the only thing that could be heard, his head rested on Dan’s shoulders. Shushing the fragile boy, he let his hand lay on his back, his thumb rubbing circles. “Tell me what’s the matter Phil?”

“T-the world wants t-to much.” He sniffled, his shaking finally stopping. Dan watched him delicately, his pale cheeks were red with wet tracks. Tracks made from tears, it hurt him knowing Phil was hurt.

“What do you mean Philly?”

“T-there’s so m-much to do. F-fans get upset i-if w-”

“Come on.” Dan cut him off, staring longingly at him. Helping him stand to his feet, Dan drug  him through their flat, the only thing to be heard was the sounds of their feet softly hitting the floor, and the sniffles from Phil.  

Dan could feel his cheeks heating up as Phil intertwined his fingers with his as they walked into Dan’s room. “You’re holding my hand,” he whispered quietly, avoiding Phil’s gaze.

“Sorry.” Phil pulled his hand away, Dan’s heart cracking again. He went over and locked his bedroom door. “D-Dan? Um, why did you lock the door?” Phil laughed nervously as if he was waiting for something bad to happen to him.

“We can hide from the world. They won’t find us here Phil.”

“What does that even mean?” He half smiled, looking through the blinds on Dan’s window, watching the stars shimmer and the moon sparkle.

“You said the world wants to much. Here they can’t find us, so no one can expect anything from us.”

Dan bit his lip watching Phil stare out the window. How badly he wanted to hold him and call him his, he couldn’t though, he didn’t know if he ever would be able to. Sighing, he unlocked his phone and started playing a slow melody. Phil’s gaze never breaking from the stars until Dan grabbed his hand pulling him close, helping Phil’s hands drape around his neck, letting his own rest on his hips.

“Dan?” Phil whispered, his voice shaky. Dan stared into his eyes, watching how he stared back at him.


“Why are we dancing?” Dan swayed them back and forth, his eyes never leaving Phil’s. Their feet moving swiftly, never stepping on the others.

“Because, we’re gonna dance around this room like we’ve only got tonight.”

“Again, what does that mean?” Phil sighed exasperatedly, slowly getting annoyed with Dan’s antics and the confusion already that was coming from him.

He wished he could tell him. Tell him how he felt, the fear kept that from him. However that fear was subsiding and Dan’s confidence was shining through. He knew this was his only chance, just how? “You’ll know soon enough.”

Dan smiled, taking Phil’s hand and spinning him magically. Phil’s annoyance disappeared and he erupted into a fit of giggles that made Dan’s heart melt. His tongue was poking out through his teeth, his eyes shimmering like stardust.

Pulling him flush against him, Dan rested Phil’s head on top of his chest. Phil could hear Dan’s heartbeat pounding, hoping that Dan couldn’t hear his own.

“How long has it been since a room held only you and me?”

“We’re alone together all the time?”

“No, like just us. No worries about anything, no fans to answer, no media. Just us. Just Dan. Just Phil.”

“Oh,” He mumbled looking up through his lashes at the younger boy, “Quite a while then I guess.”

For a while that’s how they stayed, swaying back and forth to the soft melodies that filled the silence. Phil, safe from the world in Dan’s arms. Dan’s world, in his arms. Every now and then one of them would say something, nothing to interesting that would keep a conversation going between the two.

“You could be my whole world,” Dan whispered quietly,knowing Phil wouldn’t hear him. “if I can be your satellite.”.


Dan hummed in response, absentmindedly threading his fingers through the black locks on Phil’s head.

“It’s funny how long we’ve known each other.”

“Days turn into years Phil.”

“You don’t think we’ll forget any of this do you?”

“If a moment means anything to you, you’ll remember it a lifetime. But tonight time is just a social construct. There’s no stopping us.” Phil’s arms tightened around Dan’s torso. Taking the lead Phil swayed them back and forth this time, not caring that the sun would rise in a few hours.

“You and your ways.”

“Phil?” Dan whispered, moving back, letting his forehead rest on the older boy’s. Staring at his eyes, admiring how they looked scared and full of love almost.


“You can be my whole world, just let me be your satellite.”

Phil stared at him in confusion, Dan sighing. “Let me show you.” He tilted Phil’s chin up, his eyes darting to his lips then back to his eyes. Phil’s breath hitched, nerves skyrocketing like never before. Leaning forward he crashed their lips together, his hands coming up to cup Phil’s face. Instantly kissing back, Dan smiled, his heart flipping over and over. Phil’s lips were softer than he had imagined, slightly chapped but perfect. He tasted faintly of coffee, but that didn’t matter in time. He was kissing Phil; everything was perfect. He could be his satellite, it seemed.



something that is separated from or on the periphery of something else but is nevertheless dependent on or controlled by it.

Why does the Phandom not talk about this?

I’ve been rewatching some of Phan’s videos and I noticed a trend. Dan is actually a very troubled person. How can a person who brings so much joy to others feel so bad about themselves. But Phil is always there for Dan. Phil doesn’t make him feel happy, He encourages it. For example Dan drew a sad face on the window in the Starbucks in A Festive Day In The Life. Phil told him to draw a tree and it made Dan smile. A legit smile. He’s basically the sunshine in Dan’s life and of that doesn’t make you happy then I don’t know what will

Smutty Chaptered Fics

Brick by Brick - embarrassing_myself and snowbunnylester

Summary: No one said having an unmated Alpha and an unmated Omega living under the same roof was going to be easy, but add in a mess of feelings and desire, and things go from bad to worse. When Phil Lester asked his best friend, Dan Howell, to move in with him, he thought he could ignore his feelings and refrain from submitting, but with an oblivious Dan scenting him every other day, he decides he has to put a stop to it. Jealousy and misunderstandings collide to throw their lives into chaos, forcing both men to reconsider their relationship. Will they ever get their happy ending, or will prevalent sexism force them apart?

Come What May (ao3) - PhantasticFiction

Summary: Phil Lester usualy wasn’t one to go to strip clubs. But after being coaxed into it by a couple of his friends he meets the ever hypnotizing Greyson Bear(Dan Howell). Easily falling in love with him Phil works to save Dan from the underworld of prostitution.

danandphilKINKS (ao3) - snsk

Summary: “I’ve got mine!” Dan said, waving it triumphantly. Phil knew this was serious, then, because a) he hadn’t procrastinated on it at all, and b) it was barely legible: he’d handwritten it.Or: Dan and Phil have a bucket list. Except with less seeing the Great Wall of China and more Googling how to wash enema.

God’s Gift To Men (ao3) - rossendalebabe

Summary: Phil and his girlfriend seem quite happy until one night, his flatmate Dan has a bad experience and everything changes forever.

Good Luck Boy (ao3) - iguessicantry

Summary: Born of a prostitute, Dan never expected anything better for himself, until he met Phil.

How Much For That Bear In The Window? - venuslester

Summary: Dan, an eighteen year old boy who has finally reached the age to be sold from the whorehouse he used to call home, is given to a man with dreamy blue eyes who makes this seem a lot less terrifying.

In Another Life (ao3) - analester

Summary: A chaptered fic made up of a series of smutty oneshots taking place in the pastel!dan and punk!phil alternate universe.

Let Me Be Your Call Boy - embarrassing-myself and snowbunnylester

Summary: After coming out as gay to his friends on his birthday, the last thing Dan is expecting is to be gifted a call boy as a present, let alone one that’s been paid for for the entire night. Allowing Phil to show him the ropes is his first mistake, paying him to come back every week is his second, and using him to convince his parents he really is gay is his third. As a successful lawyer, the money isn’t the problem - falling in love is.

kinky week (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: It’s like spooky week, but instead of videos and scary games I’m just writing five really* kinky things.*by really I mean not actually that kinky probs.

Showbiz (ao3) - jlawad

Summary: Dan, a shy college freshman, finds himself a job working as a model for an art student. Phil, the art student, likes to explore the art of BDSM.

Your Love’s a Fucking Drag (But I Need It So Bad) - botanistlester, whalefairyfandom12

Summary: Dan likes black and leather jackets, Phil likes reading in solitude and playing video games. But they have one thing in common as new roommates at uni: They are both completely straight. Just because they like to get each other off every once in a while doesn’t make it any different.

As Long As I’m With You, I’m Okay

A/N: “LILY PLS DO A JAPHAN” “LILY JAPAN, PLEASE!” “LILY CAN YOU WRITE JAPHAN?” “A JAPHAN FIC WOULD BE SO COOL!”… I told myself I wouldn’t do this…but 10 frantic messages and prompts from you guys later…I hope this is all you have ever wanted. This is literally fluff for the sake of fluff. I don’t even know. Go nuts, guys. 

Title: As Long As I’m With You, I’m Okay

Genre: Holy fucking mother of all that is FLUFF

Description: At first, he’d scolded Phil for booking the tickets without checking their schedules. But when they’d landed and he’d seen the look of unequivocal happiness on Phil’s face – he knew there was no place else he’d rather be. Excitable, cuddly, jet-lagged phan and banter everywhere.

Word Count: 1700

i’m just buttering you up for the angsty as fuck fic i’m posting tomorrow

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June 25: Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Five)

Title: Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Five)
Tags: Alternate Timeline, AU, Slow burn, stranger to friends, friends to lovers
Words: 3371
Dan and Phil are YouTubers. The catch? They’ve never met, and Phil doesn’t want them to.

Prompt: I am in awe of you guys and all your thoughtful, amazing comments. I am reading every single one and trying to reply to them all but I’m sorry if there is a delay!

FEDIJ Day: June 25

Previous Day | Masterlist of fics so far

[AO3 Link]

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Virginity/First Time Masterpost

Links Last Checked: August 1st, 2017

part two

Baby Its Cold Outside, But I’ll Keep You Warm by chocolatesaucelester

Summary: Dan’s first time and he’s scared but Phil comforts him.

Camping (phancest) by huggabae

Summary: Dan and Phil are brothers. They’re camping with their family when Dan has a wet dream about Phil. Phil helps him out and in the end he takes Dan’s virginity, and makes him cum two times in one night.

Cherry On Top by adayinthelifeofphan 

Summary: Dan and Phil meet for the first time (set in 2009).

First by phanfics-anonymous

Summary: Dan’s really nervous and tense but Phil (top) goes slow.

First Time Jitters by adayinthelifeofphan

Summary: Dan is nervous about losing his virginity, but Phil comforts him and coaches him through it.

How Much For That Bear In The Window? by venuslester

Summary: Dan, an eighteen year old boy who has finally reached the age to be sold from the whorehouse he used to call home, is given to a man with dreamy blue eyes who makes this seem a lot less terrifying

Love For A Slave by bloggerinthetardis

Summary: It’s the year 2013, in a parallel universe. Society revolves around sex more than economics and love. Those without shelter are sold off as sex slaves, who are then bought by the richer ‘traders’. Phil is one of these slaves. He has recently been captured, and is a virgin. None of the many traders at the auction like this quality. All but one; Dan Howell.

Merry Christmas by mermaidstailonmyface

Summary: Dan finally lets Phil take his virginity for Christmas.

One Hell Of A First Time by danisnotlikingvagina

Summary: High school, just friends Dan and Phil go on a field trip and stay the night where ever they go, and it ends up with Phil fucking Dan against their door to their dorm and in the morning Phil has to help Dan walk because that was Dan’s first time.

Quiet by cuddlephan

Summary: Cat stays at Dan and Phil’s, and Dan and Phil share a bed to make things easier but Dan wakes up with hard on/wet dream.

Stronger With You by littlelordciel

Summary: Phil and Dan are both high class children, when Phil’s father has to stay at Mr.Howell’s manor for a business trip for a few months, how do their two sons get along?

The Firsts by philhcwell

Summary: A fic about the first time Dan and Phil do things first kiss/first time/first time sharing a bed as a couple with no intention of sex/first hug/first I love you/first time seeing the other cry/ first time cooking together/ first shared bath/first time Dan spent the night at Phil’s one bedroom flat.

The Secrets They Keep (phancest) by phancest

Summary: Dan and Phil have sex for the first time.

This Feeling Flows Both Ways by cuddlephan

Summary: It’s Dan’s first time and Phil shows him what to do.

Twenty-Five Things

Summary: A present Dan receives for his twenty-fifth birthday causes him to relive twenty-five key, happy moments in his life.

(or, twenty-five individual oneshots in honour of Dan’s twenty-fifth birthday!!)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 22.2k

Warnings: Elements of slight angst (but all with very happy endings), Swearing

A/N: The concept for this fic is inspired by this video, as are some of the prompts!

Read on ao3

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Devotion - Chapter Two

Summary:  Dan is a ballerina who’s practicing for an audition at Julliard, but he’s afraid of performing in front of other people. He meets Phil, who’s gathering photos for his art portfolio, and Phil helps Dan come out of his shell.

Genre: this chapter is mostly fluff with maybe a hint of angst if you squint really hard

Warnings: this chapter includes injury/mentions of injury

Word Count: there are 2.2k words in this chapter

Chapter One

When Dan woke up the following morning, he longed to return to his studio to ensure that nothing had been tampered with, but he had to work at the supermarket for 8 hours instead. All the while that he was working he was thinking about Phil, his studio, his routine, and his audition. His audition was the most worrisome of them all, though, because it was only a month and a half away, and Dan still wasn’t comfortable dancing in front of his own parents, much less a panel of judges at Julliard.

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Lester’s Reading Dandelion

Title: Lester’s Reading Dandelion

Rating: PG

Genre: Fluff/slight angst

Warnings: None

Word count: 3.5K+

Summary: In the heart on London, there lies a bookshop owned by Phil Lester. Lester’s Books & Bagels is a thriving little place until another bookshop opens up across the street.

Author’s note: It was my entry for the phanficexchange! I wrote this for marshmallow-phan, and I loved the rivalling bookshop au prompt. It was really fun to write, so yeah enjoy!

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How Much For That Omega in the Window?

Description: Dan is an omega; he was born into suffrage, with an omega mother and beta sister too young for work. Dan’s family often found themselves with pennies and dollars to get by on. That, of course, is until Dan makes the decision to sell himself to an Alpha sex ring. Things won’t be too bad with his new owner Phil, right?

Tags: Toys; Cheeky Bumsex; Omegaverse

Words: 5310

Chapter 1  -  Masterpost - Chapter 2 =>

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