how many times have i used this joke

like I’ll never shut up about how much straight women enforce homophobia and how many girls growing up made jokes about having “lesbian crushes” or used the d slur and how many times I’ve stood up and defended straight women and rallied for your sexualities and fought for birth control I didn’t need so that y'all could turn around and take shits on our faces defending men and heterosexuality as an institution

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Doing Humor Right

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a show that has been praised by both critics and fans as one that is not only hilarious, but progressive as well. It starts out with a squad of detectives who have to adjust to a new Captain named Raymond Holt, who just so happens to be a gay black man. Jake Peralta—the Jewish protagonist whose only unsolvable mystery is how to grow up—butts heads with him almost immediately. The show goes through its classical sitcom scenarios as well as crime shenanigans and often surprising season finales as they find themselves in dangerous situations.

What’s so remarkable and surprising about this is show is how they deal with humor with such a diverse cast. When any of the characters joke about their ethnicity or their sexuality, it isn’t aimed at the white and straight viewers and that makes a huge difference. For example, in one episode Holt talks about how he made a bad impression on his husband’s parents by mistaking two different compositions for each other. When asked by Jake if that’s really all it took for them not to have approved of the two of them, Holt clarifies that “they’re huge homophobes that think I made Kevin gay with my magic genitalia.”

Originally posted by holt-cozner

This, like many lines, are meant to pander to those in the same demographic as the character who spoke it. Often times on TV and in movies, queer and POC characters are played off as jokes that the privileged are supposed to laugh at. “See, they’re not like us, isn’t that so bizarre and funny?” However, Brooklyn Nine-Nine understands that queer and non-white characters also watch television like everyone else. They make a major effort to be inclusive and inoffensive with their humor while still being hilarious. Even those who don’t watch the show probably know the gag with Jake playing a guitar loudly and screaming in an attempt to annoy someone into confessing, or the scene where Jake accidentally calls Holt “dad” and then tells him he sees him as a “bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me” rather than a father figure.

Originally posted by alexanderburrsir

Not only that, the show also turns many tropes on its head and does its best to make characters as fleshed out as possible. None of them even come close to being stereotypes. Jake seems like the typical male protagonist who thinks he’s better than he actually is and belittles his coworkers, then turns out to be a genuinely caring goofball who learns to work as a team and punches a homophobe in the face. Amy Santiago seems uptight and too dedicated to her work to have any fun, yet even while she’s driven she also participates and leads in most of the team hijinks.

It has garnered critical as well as public acclaim and hopefully its success can set an example for future shows and they way they deal with diverse casts. 

It’s not perfect–sometimes the fat jokes can be rather excessive and uncomfortable to sit through. There was a particular scene where Gina calls Amy an “asexual nerd who can only be friends with service animals” that I found rather tasteless. It takes a while at first to find its rhythm, yet upon rewatching the first season I found it picks it up quicker than I remembered. Nothing can be absolutely flawless, yet the cast show they genuinely care about those who watch it and that says a lot. 

Even besides all that, it’s a genuinely fun show and one of my favorite sitcoms. Its happy, light-hearted tone is a blessing and it’s often like visual comfort food. As the premiere of fifth season is about to begin, now is as good as any time to binge it. I fully recommend Brooklyn Nine-Nine regardless of who you are.

anonymous asked:

would it be too rude to ask for more lance and pidge headcanons

not rude at all my guy this is all i do with my life

  • The Meme Team™
  • lance, smushing pidge’s face to his chest: “never talk to me or my child ever again”
    • alternatively: pidge pretends to be lance’s kid whenever he tries to flirt w someone
  • lance secretly aspires to one day be as savage as pidge
  • “excuse me sir I lost my friend lance, can I make an announcement?” *pidge leans into the intercom* “goodbye you little shit”
  • lance is horrified by the state of pidge’s everything. you don’t sleep a full 8 hours a night?? you don’t exfoliate??? and how could you just forget to trim your nails what the fuck are you a cat-
    • he detangles pidge’s hair regularly and angrily
    • hunk walks in on this once, vaguely recalls a documentary on monkeys’ grooming habits that he saw on animal planet once, and then leaves
  • “i have a problem” “you have many but go on”
  • actually a pretty horrifying duo. usually use their power for dumb pranks but one time some aliens make the mistake of capturing the two of them together and it takes them like five minutes to blow up their base
  • constant mecha anime jokes
    • “get in the robot, lance”
    • “don’t believe in yourself pidge. believe in the me that believes in you”
    • one day lance wakes up in a cold sweat and barges into pidge’s room. “pidge. pidge oh my god” “lance what the fuck” “pidge we’re piloting a fucking gundam oh my god”
  • *one walks into the room* the other: “yikes”
Daiya no Ace Act II comicbook Vol.7

 - includes ch56 - 64

- cover: Shirasu

- Additional page at the end of ch60: Miyuki batting + Furuya & Eijun adorably staring at each other

Close-up (because this panel is so cute):

- Bonus manga featuring Chris at the university + Miyuki & Sawamura consulting each other how to reply to Chris’ question:

Daiya no Ace #6 “First Impression

Team-mate: What? Really!?

Team-mate: You’re the same age?

Team-mate: So you are a player!?

Chris: I’m 18.

Team-mate: I definitely thought you’re older than 20!! You’re too calm [for your age]!!

Team-mate: I used the honorific language to you since I thought you’re the coach!!

Team-mate: Really, *how many times have you lived before!? [*common joke in Japan you say to people who are very mature for their young age as if they are living their life for the second/third/fourth time.]

Later in the evening…

Daiya no Ace #7 “A question from Senpai

Eijun: Miyuki-senpai, look at this!! I’ve got a LINE message from Chris-senpai!
Miyuki: Hm? You’ve got that, too?
Eijun: Eh? You, too!?

Chris’ LINE message to Eijun: Sawamura, please answer honestly. How old do I look? Btw, I don’t need any jokes right now.

Chris’ email to Miyuki: Do I really look that old? My senpai use the honorific language to me… […]

Eijun: Seems like something happened to him…?
Miyuki: What are you going to reply?
Eijun: What should I reply?

Miyuki: Maybe something like “You are so calm, that’s why you don’t look like a child”?
Eijun: That sounds nice!
Miyuki: What about your reply?
Eijun: Mmmmm, maybe something like “You look 5 years younger with your hair down”?
Miyuki: Yes, that’s it!
Eijun: Yes, this is it!


- Breaking News: Miyuki is confirmed to be a flip phone user (while Eijun, Chris and probably everyone else are smartphone users.)

- Chris-senpai sent an email to Miyuki while he contacted Eijun via LINE. This means that Miyuki does not have a LINE account. Someone give miyuki a fucking smartphone and teach him how to use LINE omg he’s the captain of the seidou baseball club after all. Seriously, how can he not have a LINE account xD

Dialogue Prompts
  1. “Surprise, I have feelings and you just hurt them.”
  2. “In the least creepy way possible, I know where you live.”
  3. “A onesie is not an appropriate gift for my mothers birthday!”
  4. “Why would you even suggest that?”
  5. “Emotions are a luxury I don’t have time for.”
  6. “Can I borrow your pencil, and your homework.”
  7. “I just want to start over.”
  8. “I’m sorry, can we just pretend I never said that.”
  9. “You hurt her, I stab you, okay?”
  10. “I would kill for a slice of cake right now…literally”
  11. “Well this got incredibly awkward incredibly quickly.”
  12. “Woah, hold the fuck up, you did what now?”
  13. “I love you, I always have.”
  14. “Take a deep breath and please calm the fuck down.”
  15. “I miss you, but then i remember what an asshole you are and the feeling fades.”
  16. “Tell me everything.”
  17. “What happened to you?”
  18. “Hey honey…did you seriously adopt another kitten?”
  19. “How many times do I have to tell you, we are not getting a bouncy castle for my dad’s 60th.”
  20. “I know it’s hard, but get over it.”
  21. “I am not dramatic, it was a very big spider.”
  22. “How to kill the mood 101.”
  23. “You left me with no one, sorry doesn’t change that.
  24. “This is a joke right?”
  25. “Clearly I did not drink enough for this.”
  26. “I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it did.”
  27. “You only want to go because there’s free food.”
  28. “This song is so us.”
  29. “It’s too early for this, just go back to sleep.”
  30. “If I tell you I love you will you make me pancakes?”
  31. “If you sing that song one more time I will kill you.”
  32. “Honestly, I don’t want to know.”
  33. “Hold up, she said what?”
  34. “You are so sweet, and I am so sorry.”
  35. “You don’t deserve this.”
  36. “Poke me once more and see what happens.”
  37. “Ghosts aren’t real for God’s sake.”
  38. “I need to punch something, preferably their face.”
  39. “You are so extra.”
  40. “Why did you think that was okay?”
  41. “When did you become my mother?”
  42. “New drinking game, drink overtime you’re a dickhead. Oh wait I already have alcohol poisoning.”
  43. “I trusted you.”
  44. “Don’t talk to me, I need my coffee first.”
  45. “Remember that time I thought you were stalking me?”
  46. “I hate that I still love you.”
  47. “Of course it’s not your fault, it never is.”
  48. “I am this close to calling my ex.”
  49. “Maybe this really was a bad idea.”
  50. “Jesus Christ I forgot how much I hate exercise.”
  51. “Baby, please tell me you can explain why there is a hole through the window.”
  52. “Wow I can’t believe he said you were ugly, hun he is clearly blind.”
  53. “Sorry I’m late.”
  54. “I don’t know why I bother.”
  55. “I’d rather do a lot of things than eat my vegetables but you gotta do it.”
  56. “That was so romantic.”
  57. “Out of all the things you could have said, and you went with that.”
  58. “I can’t wait to see you.”
  59. “I don’t want you, I need you.”
  60. “Stop laughing this isn’t funny!”
8

WONDERCON COSPLAY SHOUT OUT!

i’m not there. just wanted to give my love to the cosplayers working characters i’m writing at the moment who showed up in my feed.  all of these made me smile and saved me from a truly challenging weekend creatively. 

not sure about the uncle ben joke but it did get a reaction out of me.

and i will be writing ‘Slash bringing spidey back to life with the power of rock’ sometime in my career. might be time for spidey to do another rock album. :)

So many of us are always surprised when cosplayers don’t tell the creators or show the creators what they’ve done. We LOVE seeing these expressions so much! It is so flattering and we will appreciate how much work you did more than anyone else in the world. 

Whoever it is that you’re cosplaying, if you have the opportunity to show the creator you should tell them

love you all!!

redacted-metallum  asked:

Tbh I sat up at night once and went "TFP Soundwave is nonverbal and autistic and nobody can tell me otherwise" and then I went to sleep completely satisfied with my brain for the moment

@shocktrooper-redstreaker @aphobic-soundwave @toothlessloveshiccup @agatharights tagging you guys since you all showed particular interest

but let’s talk about both TFP and G1 Soundwave? because pretty much all versions of Soundwave are strongly represented as autistic but those two are the strongest imo

and before anyone says “AUTISM CANT EXIST IN ROBOTS / CYBERTRONIANS / BLAH BLAH” well here’s a canonically autistic transformer!

Please note that this is mostly from my experience as an autistic person. There are MANY symptoms of autism and not every autistic person has them. Every autistic person is different!

If you want to learn more about autism (though I wouldn’t use these sources to write an autistic character – as with that, I would ask advice from actual autistic people), here  are  some  sources.

Also: remember to never use Autism Speaks as a resource/ref. for anything relating to autism! They literally want autistic people dead via eugenics lmao!


G1 (probably the most autistic imo):

  • he’s nonverbal. in G1, he’s shown to be almost exclusively nonverbal or reserved with his speech but then laugh and talk with Megatron, a person he’s comfortable with – autistic people (such as myself) can be quite talkative when around people we’re comfortable with.
  • he’s “socially awkward” - autism literally impedes people in social ability.
  • doesn’t understand most forms of verbal humor. we autistic people have a hard time detecting sarcasm from literal truth, metaphors, and other forms of humor. this is shown lots when the bots/cons make jokes and he’s entirely unresponsive or deadpan. LITERALLY HE ONLY LAUGHS TWICE IN THE ENTIRE G1 SERIES.
    Humor needs to be obvious and straight to the point for Soundwave. He laughs at more physical and obvious forms of humor such as when Starscream shoots at the “robotic plant” and his null ray beam bounces back to hit him and make him fall on his ass. Or when he’s kicking Blaster’s ass.
    Actually those two sources of evidence are the same video just at different times but yeah those are the only two times I can honestly remember that Soundwave’s laughed in canon despite the MANY jokes both the bots and cons have made around him.
  • he has motor skill difficulty. couldn’t find videos for this one so bear with me here. Soundwave in G1 has shown many times to have difficulty in motor skills. you can argue that it was just bad animation but shut up let us have this.
    If you watch G1, whenever the cons are making an escape, pay attention to how Soundwave runs in the bg. He’s clumsy and he almost trips a lot. He runs into things that he could easily jump over. HELL HE EVEN TRANSFORMS AT RANDOM SOMETIMES DURING ESCAPES LIKE WHY YOU DO THAT??
  • He’s monotone. Yeah yeah this is just a “soundwave trait” but lmao listen. Autistic people are terrible with our sense of voice inflections. We’re either too loud or too monotone and “emotionless” with our voices. Do I even have to source “evidence” for this bullshit?
  • he speaks in extremely specific ways. autistic people, when partially nonverbal (which G1 soundwave is), will speak in very specific ways. most of the time it sounds forced or awkward. usually we’re just trying to make sense of things and how to put words into coherent sentences.
    Soundwave speaks awkwardly. This is a simple fact.
    Even in utter panic he still speaks in his peculiar way.
  • he has huge empathy and emotion issues. autism effects people’s perception of emotions and empathy to the point where an autistic person can be blunt and have little to no sense of empathy or emotions (like Soundwave). it’s where one of the ableist myths that “autistic people are emotionless robots” comes from. (on the contrary, however, people with autism can also be hyper-emotional or hyper-empathetic and feel things to a huge extent - which IDW Soundwave also has going on whenever he lets his empath abilities loose).

TFP:

  • he’s nonverbal. like do we even need to debate this one. all soundwave’s are nonverbal and rarely speak.
  • he’s “socially awkward” - autism literally impedes people in social ability.
  • SPECIAL INTERESTS!!!!! TFP Soundwave is KNOWN to be a genius with anything tech related. You could easily argue that this is a special interest regarding tech things.
    (Special Interests (SI for short) are more than just having an intense interest in something. SI’s are specific to autism and mean that an autistic person is hyperfixating on something that interests them. This can lead to an autistic person knowing pretty much everything about a single subject (such as Soundwave with tech stuff) )
  • you could say that he visually stims with the lights on his visor. maybe people think he’s working but really he’s just stimmy. in case you didn’t know, stimming is a repetitive motion or behavior that autistic people (and ADHD people) do in order to relieve stress, focus, etc.
  • he has an “unusual gait” when walking which is actually one of the common traits of autism. he’s slouched and hunched all the time, only straightening out when Megatron is around (probably to show that he’s paying attention).
  • hyperfixates. not only on details to the point where he nitpicks what people say and replays recordings to them if he catches something, but also to the point where he hyperfixates on work almost obsessively. you could call this loyalty but my autistic ass calls it autism lmao.
  • He also has huge empathy and emotion issues, as explained above.

so yeah TLDR Soundwave is hugely represented to be autistic and no one can take autistic soundwave away from me

I don’t know if other people felt the same but it was really important for me to see Etta in Wonder Woman as a plus size woman. Her weight was mentioned once by herself as a joke about corsets and other than that it wasn’t mentioned. She’s well liked, appreciated, and good at what she does. It was so great to see a positive representation in that movie of this big woman where there weren’t a million fat jokes or where her whole life hinged on changing to please someone else. 

I love Etta and it was so important for me to see that sort of representation. I felt a similar way about Abbey and Patty in Ghostbusters (2016) it’s so important to put these characters played by bigger actors/actresses in and not have the role be about how bad fat people are. To have them be a useful, fun, good character and not be the butt of the joke all the time. 

It was amazing to see as was seeing so many different women in one scene.

Well, Shit. (A Voltron Fanfiction Chapter 7)

Hey guys! Here’s Chapter 7! I hope you like it! Chapter 8 is on the way not to worry! Thank you to all the love and support! I’ve gotten some great messages and I’m so happy that you guys are enjoying the story! It’s nearing the end but please enjoy!

Want to read from the beginning? Here you go!

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/156859812181/well-shit-a-voltron-fanficiton

CHAPTER 8:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157547824756/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-8

CHAPTER 9:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157710839871/well-shit-a-voltron-fanfiction-chapter-9

CHAPTER 10:

http://violaswimmer.tumblr.com/post/157841715481/well-shit-a-voltron-fanficition-chapter-10

When Lance confesses every bad thought he’s had to the team, and it doesn’t go well. Lance has to get out . The team has to come to terms with what Lance said and figure out how they can make it right.

Chapter 7: Well, Mierda.

Lance ran as fast as he could. He could feel Blue calling out to him, she could feel his fear, his panic, his pain and she wanted to help. So when he made it to the hangar she was ready and waiting, mouth open ready to protect him. He ran inside.

I need to get out of here I feel like I can’t breathe. Lance said to her, through their bond like so many times before.

I understand. She replied.

Lance sat heavily in his chair, console lighting up. He leaned his head back and let Blue into his mind. Then he was seeing through her eyes. She looked at the hangar door, ramming it trying to get out. She was desperate or maybe that was Lance it was hard to tell when they were like this.

Her attention was drawn to a voice, Shiro looking panicked and worried, running into Blue’s hangar.

“LANCE!” Shiro shouted, “PLEASE STOP!” Shiro begged.

Blue looked at him and turned back ramming the hangar door again. Lance needed to get out. They had to get out.

Shiro was still shouting but Lance couldn’t hear him.

“LANCE PLEASE! DON’T GO!” SHiro shouted. Suddenly Hunk appeared next to him, dragging Shiro out of the hangar.

“HUNK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Shiro shouted at him with anger.

“Shiro. Stop. Let him go.” Hunk said seriously.

What?” Shiro asked incredulously.

Hunk let the tears that he had been stopping slide down his face.

“Please. You have to let Lance go. He won’t stop when he’s like this.” Hunk said, another bang came from the hangar, Blue desperately trying to escape.

“Lance just confessed a bunch of stuff that we know he didn’t really mean, his emotions are off the wall. He needs time to gather himself, then we go after him.” Hunk said wiping tears from his face.

Everyone had joined them outside of the hangar door, crashing sounds becoming more frequent.

“If we try to talk to him now…” Hunk said shaking his head, “He’ll just become more panicked and we’ll make it worse. Please just… wait.” Hunk said.

Shiro’s whole body seemed to sag, like all the energy had been drained. Finally there was a huge crash and an alarm sounded.

“Lance and Blue have left the hangar.” Coran said finally.

So they all stood in the noise of the alarm, completely silent.


Lance and Blue went out into space, dark and quiet. They need to go someplace, some place with a breeze and water. But they were too far from Earth so another planet would have to do. Images floated across Lance’s mind, a beach with pink sand and green water. A yellow sky with purple clouds, a planet similar to Earth and it was close.

Let’s go. Lance and Blue said together and they did.

They flew for a long while passing stars and planets of beautiful and terrifying color and shape. Lance couldn’t believe that he had gotten used to space, something he could only dream about when he was younger. Here he was floating among the stars and he felt nothing.

Then the planet was in front of them, a colorful version of Earth. They descended. Blue landing on the beach. Lance slowly opened his eyes coming back to himself. He felt empty, like he had left everything back on the Castle and maybe he did.

He got out of Blue, a breeze whipping his brown hair around. The beach was similar to Varadero beach, where he spent his childhood. The sand was pink instead of the beautiful white, the water a vibrant green framed by a light yellow sky. Lance went to a spot next to the water and sat. He let the breeze wash over him and watched the water come in and out in a constant beat.

Before he realized hot and heavy tears streaked down his face, what had he done? He curled in on himself, bring his knees up, arms wrapped around them.

“They must hate me now.” He said with such raw sadness.  

No, they do not. Blue said.

“But how do you know? Blue, I-I said horrible things to them. Every passing thought I had, everything I’ve thought bad about them I sa-said.” Lance said the breaths hitching in his throat, tight and hot. “They didn’t deserve that, it was cruel. How could I…” Lance said not able to finish because sobs were racking his body shaking him to his very core. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried like this.

They do not hate you. I can feel it. The lions are connected. They are confused and sad but they do not hate my Lance.  Blue said, they know my Lance is kind and they know my Lance is hurt and they didn’t notice. That’s how they feel.

Lance just tried to breathe, tried to calm down but his heart hurt so much and it wouldn’t stop. It was like he had lost all control of his emotions.

You know she lies to you, right?

Lance looked up hesitantly, it was Lotor not the real one but the one in his head.

They hate you now. They won’t come for you. Just stay on this beach, it’s nice here.

Lance shook his head, this wasn’t real. He wasn’t going to continue to let this hallucination walk all over him. Lance stood, Lotor watching.

Shut up.” Lance said.

Oh he speaks.

Lance set his jaw, “Leave me alone. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Lance said.

Lotor looked shocked and then smiled, his face began to change and Lance was once again staring at himself, the self without the scars, the way he was before.

I can’t leave Lance. I’m you. There’s no escape.

Lance paused and suddenly something clicked, the steel that had covered his emotions cracked and began to fall apart. The thing that was created on Lotor’s ship. The steel fell away, but he didn’t need it anymore, he didn’t need to hide anymore. He realized that now, he was allowed to feel afraid, he was allowed to feel jealous, he was allowed to feel.

No you’re right.” Lanced breathed, understanding.

“I can’t get you out. You’re me, the part of me I wish I didn’t have. You’re my doubt, my sadness, my anger, jealousy, fear and every other crappy emotion. You’re all of it in one.” Lance took a breath, looking himself in his own blue eyes, “But I need to accept that you’re a part of me, not separate from me. Just like me and Blue when we fly, we have to accept one another. I’m sorry I keep pushing you out, that I keep ignoring you.” Lance said.

His hallucination looked afraid, and he backed up.

“I accept you, okay? And I forgive you. You’re the part of me that… makes me human. I’m sorry.” Lance said, tears streaming down his face.

His hallucination shook his head and slowly, little by little he began to fade. Lance knew that his wasn’t a normal thing, talking to your own hallucination or accepting yourself in this weird way. But if it was what it took to move on and to accept what had happened to him. To accept the new him then that’s what he would do.

And Lance was left on the beach with Blue.

Better?

“Better.” Lance said.


The team had gathered in the lounge on the couches and they didn’t say anything for a long time. Hunk was worried, they all were. He was the one to suggest waiting but they could at least productive.

“We have to talk about what Lance said.” Hunk stated.

Everyone remained silence but began to straighten, Shiro nodded and although everyone still looked pale and a little shocked they looked determined.

After a pause Keith started, “Do you guys know why he said um… why Lance kept calling me perfect and the stuff he said about Shiro.” Keith asked.

To their surprise Pidge answered.

“Well Shiro pays a lot of extra attention to you.” Pidge said, like it was obvious.

Shiro blinked a little shocked, “What?” He asked.

Hunk nodded, “You do. Like when Keith held a sword to that one guy when we were trying to rescue? And when you chose him for the Blade of Marmora mission. Lance had a point that Keith can be a hot head. No offense Keith. But despite all that you seem to trust Keith the most out of all of us.” Hunk said.

Shiro looked shocked.

“But you and Keith have a past so I guess it makes sense. But still you seem to pay extra attention to him. I think maybe Lance felt useless. I can only count on one hand the amount of time you’ve complimented or even talked to Lance just the two of you. Mostly you just tell him to focus and stuff. And Lance looks up to you, you’re his hero so it must have hurt. But we kind of all hurt Lance.” Hunk said, looking disappointed.

There was an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry.” Allura said, they all looked at her, “I um… I forget how young you, I mean we are. I try to treat you like soldiers. But that’s just a part of who were are. I forget that sometimes and I think that really hurt Lance.” She swallowed.

“Every time he opened his mouth and said a joke it was just to get us out of that serious mindset. To get us to act our age. And every time I tried to get him to stop when all he was trying to do was help us in his own way. But no matter how many times I told him to stop, or ignored him, he would always check on me after a hard mission. Give me a compliment, make sure I was okay and I always felt better. But I never did the same for him and I should have.” Allura finished.

More silence.

“I’m also sorry.” Coran said, “I think I saw something wrong, a long time ago but I failed to notice in time to help Lance.” He said.

“What do you mean?” Keith asked.

Coran looked at them all with sad eyes.

“After the explosion where Lance saved me, I went to thank him personally after he recovered. After I thanked him he said, don’t worry Coran you’re important so of course I’d save you, don’t worry about it. That silly boy has a way of making you feel at ease and I didn’t think about it. But today when he said he wasn’t important, that he doesn’t deserve to be here… It made me think of that moment. Like he was implying that because he wasn’t important, then of course he’d save me someone he considers important.” Coran finished.

Thoughts ran through everyone’s mind, thinking back on what Lance has said before.

I’M NOT IMPORTANT OR SPECIAL OR ANYTHING!

Why? There’s nothing you or the rest of the team can do. It’s not important.

Maybe I don’t have a thing.

Don’t worry about it.

ONLY AFTER I GET BUSTED UP DO YOU FINALLY CARE! ONLY AFTER I’M GOING HALF INSANE DO YOU FINALLY FUCKING NOTICE!

Please stop.

Pretend you didn’t see this.

Everyone quickly realized that they really hadn’t noticed and Lance had been right all along. They had ignored him, treated him horribly for a long time. Lance was supposed to be their brother, their buddy and they treated him like trash.

“Without realizing it, we’ve been hurting Lance this entire time. And he just kept it down, didn’t confront us. He just took it. Maybe it was little things but it’s obvious that it affected him and we just continued to do it. Even when Lance was tried to tell us how he felt the entire time. He feels like he not a part of this team but despite that he protected us with everything he had.” Shiro said feeling shame and guilt growing in his chest.

“He lost his eye saving us.” Pidge said in a whisper.

“He’s been trying so hard to catch up with the rest of us, not realizing that he’s actually the best out of all of us.” Keith said.

“We have to make him feel like he is a part of this team because he is. He keeps us together, makes us laugh. We need Lance back.” Allura said.

There was a long silence.

Hunk smiled, “Then let’s go get him!” Hunk said.

Everyone smiled.

“Yeah!” Shiro said.


The team got in the black lion, since they didn’t need to take all of them for this. Allura’s face popped up on the screen.

“Lance has landed his lion on a planet not too far from here. It’s atmosphere and gravity is similar to your Earth. I sent you the exact coordinates of the signal.” She paused, “When you find Lance, we’d like to hear what you’re saying to him or if he has anything to say to us. So if you could keep your comms on…” Allura trailed off.

Shiro smiled, “Of course Princess.” He said.

Allura smiled, her face disappearing from the screen. So they flew. It would take about fifteen minutes to get there.

“What do we do once we get there?” Pidge asked quietly.

“Just follow my lead.” Hunk said smiling, “Just do what I do!” Hunk said.

“Okay.” Shiro said hesitantly.


They arrived at the planet, it really was similar to Earth and after locating the coordinates they descended. They landed down the beach from the blue lion. They got out and Hunk led the way walking along the beach. As they got closer they saw Lance, sitting just before the water staring at the Technicolor scenery with a serene expression on his face.

Hunk sat just behind Lance, not speaking and the rest of the team did the same. The pink sand was warm under their fingers and they joined Lance in staring at the ocean before them. They were silent for a long time until Lance spoke. They looked at his back focused on his form against the scenery.

“I grew up near a beach like this one. I always went there when I needed space to think. I grew up in a house of seven kids and although I loved it ninety-nine percent of the time I sometimes needed to clear my head so I would go to the beach. Something about the moment of the water always calmed me down and put things in perspective.” Lance took a breath before continuing, “Although my family was big I was always showered with a lot of love and attention because my mom is that kind of woman. She’s the best, a single parent since my dad died after my youngest sister was born. But my mom always makes sure that we know we’re loved and important.” Lance said. They couldn’t see his face because he sounded like he was smiling causing the rest of them to smile.

“It was because of her that I joined the Garrison. She said to me once, Lance if you ever have a chance to go get your dreams then go, family never leaves you but dreams can. So go and we’ll be here when you come back. It because of that that I took that ridiculous test and joined the Garrison with a new American name and three months of English under my belt. So I went, I wanted to learn about space and explore and everything. But when I got to the Garrison it wasn’t what I imagined. I was at the bottom of the pecking order again in terms of smarts and skill. So I worked hard really hard. Really hard. I got to the top of the cargo pilot class and when I was upgraded to fighter class I thought my hard work had paid off.” Lance said, his voice falling a little bit.

“But I only got in because Keith dropped.” Lance said.

Keith felt a pang in his heart, he could feel where this was going.

“And believe me they really liked to remind me of that. Every time I fucked up they would remind me that I was just a replacement for the best pilot of our generation. Maybe that’s where it all started, I don’t know.” Lance took a breath, “And when we got Shiro and I actually met Keith and actually talked to him, I had already made this competition in my mind. Because in the Garrison I was already competing against you Keith, even if you weren’t there… I honestly hated you. I don’t anymore but I was jealous and mad and I didn’t even know you. I’m sorry about that.” Lance said.

He curled his legs up to his chest, resting his head on his knees.

“And when I met Blue I thought, this is what I was meant to do, all the stuff I went through before was all leading to this. Finally I would belong to something greater, something I could do to help people. I was happy.” Lance took another breath, “But in the end I was compared to Keith, constantly. Told to focus, to be better. I fell behind. That wasn’t anyone’s fault really and the more time that passed the more I realized how ordinary I am compared to everyone. Shiro is the great leader and pilot in his own right. Pidge is super super smart for her age. Hunk is the best person and the best engineer. Keith’s the best pilot of his generation and just really cool. Allura’s the super awesome and pretty space princess and Coran keeps us all running in top shape. And I’m…” Lance paused, “I’m just a boy from Cuba fighting a space war I’ll never win, a cheap replacement for someone who you all deserve more. That feeling kept growing and growing and when I decided to blow up the ship…” Lance took a breath, “There was a small part of me that wished that I died, because at least I would have been important then. I would the blue paladin that helped his team escape an enemy by sacrificing himself. That would have made a great story.” Lance paused.

The team let that sink in but it was hard to absorb. Shiro wanted to speak, to Lance he was wrong but Hunk shook his head, Lance wasn’t done yet.

“But I didn’t. And I don’t think that way anymore. But I got captured on Lotor’s ship and was tortured. But there was this moment that I was so so scared. I was terrified of dying, of being hurt and I wanted to give up. But something clicked like my emotions just disappeared for a bit. I didn’t feel afraid. I didn’t feel much of anything. I thought that I had a job to do, to protect you guys because you guys are the important protectors of the universe. It was the only way I could cope and when you rescued me it didn’t go away. Neither did Lotor.” Lance said, “I see him sometimes, when I was captured he would say things to me. Not the real thing, just my mind. He’d say things I didn’t want to hear. Sometimes he would change into other people, Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Keith, Allura, Coran, my mom, siblings and sometimes he turned into me. But those hallucinations, I thought they were because of the pain or some weird Druid thing. But when I woke up from the healing pod… he hadn’t gone away. He was standing right there but I couldn’t say anything.” Lance said, his voice becoming tight.

“I thought that if I said anything then you would doubt my ability as a pilot. I thought you would send me back to Earth. I thought you’d tell me that you didn’t need me and no matter how much I want to go back to Earth, I know that I want to belong here. But I always felt like I was never quite part of the team. When we form Voltron it’s the only time I feel like I belong. But outside of that, I just…” Lance trailed off.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry for everything I said. I didn’t mean any of it, not a word. I love you guys, I love Voltron, I love helping people and I’m so sorry that I said that stuff. I wish I could take it back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Lance put his head in his hands, tears flowing freely in quiet sobs.

They were silent and Hunk moved and so did the rest of the team. Hunk put a gentle hand on Lance’s knee, Pidge a hand on the other. Shiro stroked Lance’s hair. Keith had a hand on his shoulder. They were all so warm and the feeling made Lance cry harder.

“Lance…” Shiro began, “You have nothing to be sorry about. We’re sorry. We’ve been hurting you this entire time and we didn’t know. I’m sorry we didn’t notice sooner.” Shiro said.

“Yeah you’re a part of this team. The entire time you were gone we were going crazy without you keeping us grounded. The castle, the lions, nothing felt the same without you man.” Hunk said.

“Lance I love you, a lot. You remind me a lot of my brother Matt, always helping me out and checking up on me, making me laugh. I don’t know how I’d be here without you.” Pidge said.

“Listen, Lance. You’re a part of this team and we’re sorry we haven’t treated you that way. But we’ll get better. We’ll try to be better.” Keith said.

They stayed like that, holding onto Lance as he cried. They stayed like that for a long time and Lance finally felt like he finally belonged.

Old Man Humor

What is it with older men and their lame ass attempts at humor?

Had one older guy whose change was $19.25 and he made that stupid “Good year!” joke. I didn’t even really acknowledge it. He was clearly much younger than 92 years old so he wasn’t even alive in ‘25. He then got all butthurt and was like “You’re supposed to tell me I don’t look that old. :(” lmao. Like, do you have any idea how many variations of this “joke” I hear? Like, it’s only funny/interesting if you actually were alive and old enough to remember the year. Like one time I had a customer whose change amount led her to comment on “the war”, referring to WWII. Now THAT is actually cool, to speak to someone about WWII who lived through it. And the older customers who make 60s/70s comments that hint at their giant hippie pothead history, that’s amusing. But you using the joke to fish for compliments on how young you look is so zzz.

Another instance of a lame attempt at humor: at my store we have to put paid for stickers on anything that’s too large to be bagged or that a customer opts to not have bagged. This older guy was buying a bunch of gallons of water and didn’t want them bagged, so I had to sticker all of them. He said something like “Do I have to be stickered, too?” (which is another “joke” I hear all the time, weirdly) so I sort of played along and took the opportunity to make a dig at him and was like “We only have to sticker items if they’re high value.” (which clearly wasn’t true because I’d just finished putting stickers on a bunch of cheap water) and he suddenly got all serious and was like “Oh, I’m only kidding around.” Like yes, thank you Robert. I totally didn’t pick up on that! Your lame joke was so subtle and carefully crafted that I didn’t realize you were just kidding! And my response to it had been 100% serious! Like I guess he hadn’t realized that I’d insinuated he wasn’t high value? lmao. Love it when someone tries to joke around with you and can’t tell when you joke back.

Old men think they’re so fucking funny when in reality they tend to be my least funny customers, lol. The demographic that’s the real hidden comedy gem is older women. Back in December I was chatting with my bagger and customer as I was ringing her up, talking about how I was feeling guilty because I couldn’t afford to get many people Christmas presents when I knew they’d all be getting me stuff. This older lady customer looked at me and, in a very heartfelt tone, was like “Christmas isn’t about giving…” I thought she was going to go on to say “and receiving” and about how Christmas is really about coming together and spending time with friends and family etc. etc. and that the presents don’t matter but then she finished with “… it’s about RECEIVING!”, and she straight up cackled and it was the funniest shit ever. Had me and my bagger belly laughing. Now THAT was a well crafted joke. Spontaneous, perfectly timed. Not those tired old jokes all these old men go around repeating to every cashier they encounter. UP YOUR GAME, OLD MEN.

Avengers Chatroom: Hammer Time

Requested by @estel-of-the-eyrie

Pairings: Some Thor x f!Reader

Scenario: Reader and co. try to introduce Thor, Steve and Bucky to various tv shows etc.

A/N: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) pietro is sin, so am i, forgive me


Clint has created a chatroom.

Clint has invited Wanda, Pietro, Y/N, Thor, Bucky, Steve, Nat.

Clint: Any suggestions on what the relics can watch?

Bucky: We are not relics!

Thor: I am. I am roughly 1000 years old.

Bucky: … And yet Steve and I are the victims of old age jokes.

Pietro: I can think of many jokes for Thor.

Clint: Later. Suggestions, now! Or else Tony will force them to watch his shows and we all know what happened last time.

Wanda: Brother, when will you stop using that… face?

Y/N: They should watch Supernatural!

Nat: No, Viking’s. Thor will like it.

Pietro: Why do we need to help though? Don’t they already watch shows and movies?

Thor: Stark wishes for us to be more “with the times.”

Steve: How was I supposed to know what twerking was? I don’t have time to sit around and learn all of this. I SAVE THE WORLD, DAMN IT!

Y/N: Wait, what now?

Nat: Tony had a party and Sam got people to twerk. Next thing, people were all over our captain.

Clint: Tony started trying to get Steve to join.

Nat: But Steve didn’t know what to do.

Steve: I tried… to do that dance…

Clint: It was painful to watch, really.

Wanda: And now Tony is upset?

Thor: Barnes and I are being forced to endure this because of Steve.

Steve: I’m sorry!

Y/N: Did anyone video Steve trying to twerk?

Pietro: I did.

Steve: Don’t you dare send her the video!

Y/N: Too late. Steve why do you have a better butt than me? What is your secret?

Pietro: His secret is Twerking, obviously.

Wanda: Back to the main topic… What about Pacific Rim?

Thor: Ah the one were large metal beasts duel ferocious monsters! I saw it with my princess.

Pietro: Who is this princess of yours? 

Thor: Lady Y/N, of course.

Wanda: I can sense all the innuendos Pietro is coming up with.

Wanda: I should not have read his mind… We should have just left him on Sokovia.

Pietro:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N:

Y/N: Star wars?

Y/N: The Walking Dead?

Y/N: Harry Potter?

Bucky: TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!

Steve: I know that reference! Bucky and I already watched it.

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: I would rather kiss a dementor than be near Bucky.

Sam has left the chat.

Bucky: BAN HIM FROM EVER ENTERING THIS CHAT EVER AGAIN!

Nat has added Peter.

Nat: Ideas?

Peter: Lord of the rings?

Thor: Is that the one where the old man denies entrance?

Y/N: Yes. We already watched it.

Thor: I do not mind watching it again. I am quite fond of Legolas, he reminds me of Clint.

Pietro: … ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ship it

Clint: We are not making any progress.

Y/N: I KNOW

Y/N: HAMILTON

Clint: pls no.

Y/N: YES, THIS IS PERFECT! THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE! STEVE LIKES HISTORY(LETS BE REAL HE IS A WALKING HISTORY LESSON AM I RIGHT FOLKS????), HE IS AMERICA’S CHILD, NO, HE IS AMERICA ITSELF, SO HE WILL ENJOY IT. BUCKY LIKES MUSICALS! I SAW YOU SINGING ALONG TO GREASE, DON’T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT! AND THOR WONT MIND, RIGHT THOR???

Thor: As long as you are with me, princess.

Bucky: my secret is out. How could you do this to me, Y/N?

Nat: Can someone calm her down before she faints?

Wanda: Has Y/N ever fainted from excitement before?

Clint: It’s a possibility with her. We’d rather not risk it.

Thor: So it is settled then. We will watch this Hamilton?

Steve: I guess.

Y/N: GOOD!

Y/N: I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love! Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da

Clint: Stop this madness.

Nat: I thought since I didn’t have anymore missions with Y/N for a month, I’d be safe from this… But I was wrong.

Peter: I’m going to go… before things escalate.

Peter has left the chat.

Clint: Someone do something!

Y/N: I AM THE ONE THING IN LIFE. I CAN CONTROL. I AM INIMITABLE. I AM AN ORIGINAL.

Y/N: In other words, you can’t stop me now. I’m on a roll!

Clint: YES I CAN, NAT GET THE TRANQUILIZER!

Y/N: Oh, I’m so scared. As if Nat would ever do that.

Nat: I wouldn’t. Just suffer through it, Clint.

Wanda: I’ll go let Tony know so he can arrange everything to watch Hamilton.

Wanda has left the chat.

Y/N: THERE’S A MILLION THINGS I HAVEN’T DONE, JUST YOU WAIT!

Nat has left the chat.

Clint has left the chat.

Steve: Is she quoting Hamilton?

Bucky: Yes.

Steve has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

Y/N: Ditched, just like that.

Thor: I’m still here, princess.

Pietro: Me too. So, Y/N, are you and Thor dating?

Y/N: No.

Thor: Do you fancy my princess?

Pietro: Are you jealous? I know you like her.

Y/N: Shouldn’t you be annoying Vision?

Pietro: Have you raised his hammer yet? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thor: Lady Y/N has yet to attempt to lift Mjolnir.

Pietro: I heard Steve can raise Thor’s hammer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N: Why do you keep using that face?

Pietro: All those people trying to raise your hammer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but it never lifting.

Thor: They are not worthy.

Pietro: Of your hammer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pietro: Some people put on slow music but I bet you play Hammer Time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N: OKAY. ENOUGH. I see what you’re doing!

Thor: What is he doing?

Y/N: HE DOESN’T MEAN MJOLNIR!

Thor: Of course he does.

Pietro: So innocent. So pure.

Pietro has left the chat.

Thor: … None are worthy of Mjolnir. But I have a feeling you are worthy, princess.

Y/N: Thank you, Thor.

Thor: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thor has left the chat.

Y/N: wait

Y/N: HE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME!

Y/N has left the chat.

I love You Back

Author’s note: FAHC imagine where reader is Ryan’s wife and bakes him cookies to take to work, she knows what he does and she’s alright with it. Geoff and the rest of the crew are always curious how Ryan always has some form of goody with him until maybe one of the lads see them exchanging things and they think you’re a drug dealer or something..

Pairing: Fahc Ryan Haywood x female reader

Warning: smut, the f-word (it’s Michael), the s-word, fluff, masterbation, implied rough sex..

——————————————————————————-

“When are you going to share what I bake with the rest of the crew? I make enough for a small army.” You said, a small smile on your face as you handed your husband Ryan a goodie bag filled with treats you just baked. “Maybe I don’t want to share you at all. Maybe I’ll just keep you for myself.” Ryan said with a smile before hugging you around the waist and kissing along your neck. You blushed profusely, “Ryan. Please, don’t let me make you late for work. Besides they’re always asking about me.” “They don’t know about you.” Ryan said into your neck, his words tickling you and making you giggle. “Yeah well something makes you happy and it’s not just my baking. They’re gonna find out about me eventually Ry.” You said, though you wore a smile. “Nah, you’ll be my secret forever.” He said, before kissing you on the neck again.

When Ryan got home he came into the house slowly. You could tell just from hearing how he was walking, slowly, but heavily, that he’d had a rough day. You immediately got up from bed where’d you’d been reading and went into the bathroom to start a hot bath. You slipped into your robe and nothing else, heading into the living room to find Ryan sitting on the couch, his head slung back against the couch cushions. You appeared next to him, “Come on Ry.” You said and he opened one eye to a slit to try and see you. You beckoned him with a finger and he grunted, getting up and following you into the bedroom. You took his shirt off him, splaying your hands across his chest you massaged lightly as you went down, before removing the rest of his clothes.

Once he was bare you lead him slowly into the bathroom, hands in his and once in front of the tub you slipped off your robe. Nothing was said as you got in and let the hot water envelope you like a silk cocoon. You turned in the water, and Ryan woke up enough to follow you. Once you were both in you swam around Ryan so you were behind him and brought up a canister to get his hair wet. You washed his hair for him, massaging his scalp in the process and he grunted when you pinch his bottom. “Too tired and sore.” He muttered and you smiled knowingly. “Couldn’t resist a tease Ry. You do have a nice butt.” As you massaged body wash into his back you could feel his chuckle. You finished washing him and got out.

You pulled him into the bedroom and now that he was clean and relaxed you had a plan to make him even more so. “Lay on the bed Ry, on your chest.” You said simply before you walked back in the bathroom. As tired as Ryan was he did what you asked. When you came back your robe was back on and you held a bottle of oil in your hands. You climbed up the bed and sat at his feet. You warmed some oil up on your hands and started massaging his feet. You massaged the arches, heels and toes until you got more oil and rubbed up his calves and the backs of his knees. You replenished your oil and massaged his posterior and his lower back. You slowly worked up his whole body, eventually reaching down his arms to his fingertips where he trapped your fingers in his. “Too good.” He mumbled against the sheets. “Huh?” You asked and he turned over sleepily. “You’re too good for me.” He said and reached up to touch your face. He cupped your cheek and you smiled down at him, “I love you Ry.” You said and he smiled now completely sated and pulled you down for a kiss. It was loving and gentle and when he pulled away he said, “I love you back.”

When Ryan woke up he woke up to the sweet smells emanating from the kitchen. A lazily smile grew on his lips as he realized he wouldn’t have to go in till later and he stretched. His muscles from last night instead of being sore, were pliable and soft. He chuckled as he got out of bed and got dressed. You really were too good for him. The only reason the crew didn’t know about you was for your safety and for Ryan’s. If other people knew about you they’d try and use you as a weak spot to get to Ryan and then Geoff. Ryan made his way out to the kitchen to see you dutifully baking more treats, it was almost a wonder how Ryan kept his strong figure with the amount he ate of your goodies. “Someone’s busy.” He said, a smile on his face as he watched you bake in your apron, without a bra and in your panties. You turned and smiled, “And someone finally got to sleep in.” You said and removed a pan from the oven, setting it on top of the stove to cool before you got out another cooling rack and started transferring the goods onto it.

“Thanks for last night, I needed it.” Ryan said, coming over to wrap his arms around your waist. “It’s no problem Ry. You just got back from work, it’s bound to get tiring.” You said and placed a kiss to his shoulder when you turned your head. He spun you around to kiss you properly which brought a blush to your cheeks. You looked down but Ryan brought you back up to face him. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.” “And you’re always cute.” You said and stole another kiss from him before slipping gently out of his grasp so you could finish your baking. “What time do you go in later?” You asked and you set another cookie sheet down on the stove top. “Ehh, probably in a few hours.” “You stopping by the store on your way back?” “I can. What do you need?” “More sugar.” “Babe, if you get any sweeter you’re gonna melt me completely.” “Is that so?” You asked, relieving yourself of your oven mitts and your apron and stepping towards Ryan in nothing but your panties. “You saying I’m not sweet enough already?” Ryan stuttered when he saw you but quickly pulled you in for a kiss. And just like the temperature of an oven, things heated up in the kitchen.

“Dude, how come you always have cookies with you?” Michael asked as they were getting ready for a heist. “I like cookies.” Ryan said and Geoff scoffed, “Yeah we all do, but you always have them. How do you have time to go to the store?” “They’re homemade.” Ryan muttered and Gavin gasped, incredulous. “Wot! I didn’t know you baked Rye-bread.” “Maybe it’s just one of my many secrets Gav.” “Many? That means you have more. You gonna tell us Ry?” Gavin pushed and Ryan turned towards him, a crooked smile on his face, “That’s debatable Gavin. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.” “Oh come off it!” Gavin laughed it off but even he didn’t think Ryan was joking completely. Needless to say Ryan did end up sharing his cookies and then went through ten whole minutes of the rest of them raving about how good they were. It was only a matter of time until they found out about you as well.

“The guys tried your baking today.” “And?” “Ugh, they thought it was awful. Must mean more for me.” You hit him playfully in the chest. “Stop that. I know they liked it. And you’ll always have my confections so don’t worry.” Ryan chuckled. “And your affections?” He asked, sounding hopeful. “Of course Ry, isn’t that why you married me?” Ryan smiled and cupped your head in his hand, causing you to blush and smile. “I love you.” You said and Ryan leant forward on the bed and kissed you. Pulling away he repeated, “I love you back.”

You were out at the store, getting your normal everyday groceries when you saw Geoff enter the store. He went over into the liquor isle and picked out an expensive looking bottle. You tried not to pay attention to him but you couldn’t help but recognize him from Ryan’s stories. You smiled and went back to your shopping. When you were in the check out Geoff appeared behind you. “Saw you looking at me earlier when I entered the store. You checking me out?” You chuckled and shook your head, scanning your items. “Just browsing.” You said and scanned a package of flour. Geoff caught your hand and you gasped, pulling back slightly. Geoff noticed this and said, “What’s wrong? You act as though I can’t touch you.” “You shouldn’t.” You replied and Geoff smirked, “Why not?” “Because I’m married.” You said and finished bagging your groceries. Geoff held up his hands. “Okay fair enough. Though if I were a little younger maybe I’d fight them for you.” At that you actually laughed, taking up your groceries and turning back to look at Geoff. “Now that, I’d pay to see.” Geoff gave you a strange look accompanied by a smile but didn’t say anything. You nodded to him and then left the store, putting your groceries in your trunk before heading back to your apartment.

“Babe? You home?” You called out as you heard the front door open and then the the familiar sound of Ryan walking into the kitchen. “Yeah, what’s up?” “Saw Geoff at the store today. Also I was thinking maybe we should get a house that way I’ll have more room to bake for you.” You said, putting the groceries away. Ryan gave you a strange look, “Wait, say that again?” “The house part? Well I was thinking-.” “(Y/N). You know which part I mean.” You looked down and then back up at Ryan, his face solemn. “It’s fine Ry, he didn’t know who I was.” “But you knew who he was? How?” “Come on, all your stories. Besides, first pace he went when he entered the store was the alcohol isle. If that doesn’t give it away what does?” “Did you talk with him?” “Yeah, in the check out. He thought I was checking him out but I told him I was married and he said if he were younger he’d fight whoever had me, in this case you, but he didn’t know that and I said I would pay to see that.” Ryan pierced his lips. “He’s gonna know something’s up. You acted like you know him.” “I do.” You said and Ryan placed his hands on your shoulders, “No, I know. But-.” “Ry, it’s okay. He doesn’t know me and I think he’d be pretty used to people recognizing him, he’s the boss of the most notorious crew in the city.” You wrapped your arms around Ryan’s shoulders, feeling how tense he was. “It’ll be fine Ry.” “Okay.” He relented and placed a kiss to your lips before he parted and said, “I’m going out, I’ll be back later.” “Okay.” You said and placed a kiss to his cheek.

“Dicks dude, there was this girl at the supermarket today.” Geoff started in when Ryan got to the penthouse. “Oh no, Geoff’s finally gone rogue, falling in love with the public.” Jack said and made a funny face. “No dude, she wasn’t like the public.” “How so?” Gavin asked and Geoff told his side of how he met you. “Well I go into the store right, to get some Whiskey.” “Go figure.” Michael said and Geoff chuckled, “And I see this chick just looking at me, or at least in my direction so I get behind her in the checkout and ask her if she was checking me out when I came in.” “She probably had to look for a trashcan after seeing you.” Michael teased, making Geoff laugh before continuing, “And she says no and that she’s married. So I told her if I were younger maybe I’d fight the lucky son of a bitch who got to have her.” “Yeah? So what makes her different Geoff. What makes this one stand out from all the rest?” “I don’t know man. It was almost like she knew me. She laughed and said she’d pay to see it. Like she’d knew I’m lose.” At this point Ryan had come into the room more and said, “Aww, did Geoff get the piss taken out of him and that’s why he thinks she’s different?” Geoff scoffed, “Knock it off cocksucker, you wish you could have seen her.” At that Ryan smiled, but only slightly, little did anyone else know he did see you. All of you, all the time.

When Ryan came home you weren’t out in the kitchen, you are in the bedroom. You didn’t hear Ryan come in and you were too unfocused to register the door opening and closing. You were on top of the sheets, fingers deft in your folds and sinking in and out of your wetness. “(Y/N)?” Your name fell on deaf ears as you got yourself off. Ryan walked into the kitchen only to not find you there, only a fresh sheet of cookies, cooling on a rack. You made slight whimpers as you held your breath, thinking only of Ryan. You came, just as he opened the door to the bedroom, getting to see you arch your back in pleasure and take out your fingers. You brought them up to your lips and lazily licked them clean. “Well, this is always a welcome sight to come home to.” He said and you were too sated to be startled. Instead you reached out your hand, waiting for him to come to you. He did, and lost his clothes in the process. You watched, dazed from your playing, as he crawled on top of you. He cupped your cheek and ground his front on your warm sex. “Always know how to get me going.” He started, “Tasting yourself on your fingers, knowing I would be there to see it. Naughty girl.” He said and ground his now hard length into your inner thigh. “What to do with naughty girls?” He mused out loud and proceeded to make your body completely useless for the rest of the night.

When you woke up you wore a smile on your face, getting up and dressed before wincing slightly. Ryan really had shaken you all night long as that band from the 70s would say. You got up and dressed, glancing over at Ryan’s empty bedside. “Early again.” You muttered and made your way out into the kitchen only to find Ryan in it instead. “Good morning sleepy head.” Ryan greeted you with, holding up a spatula as he turned pancakes on the griddle. “Did you sleep well?” You scoffed and smiled, “You know I slept well. Did you?” You asked, grabbing a seat at the table and flinching slightly. Ryan chuckled, “Something wrong?” He asked when he watched you sit down. “Only thing wrong is you won’t answer my question.” You said, pretending to be serious. Ryan tutted and came over to give you a hug. “Is someone a little sore from last night?” “Just you wait mister. Once this is over, I’ll be the one on top and you will be the one with the sore lower half.” Ryan chuckled and pulled back to check the food. You smirked and added, “For a week.” That comment got him to turn around, a dark, lidded smile in his eyes as he watched you try and get comfortable in the kitchen chairs. “Well, we’ll just have to wait a while until then. Won’t we?” You taunted him further by teasing, “Yes, it will be a while until I can recover. Make sure you have your favourite memories of me to keep you sated while I heal.” You said. Ryan pretended to pout and it was one of the cutest sights. “Please?” He asked as a question and the rest of your resolve fell. “Just make sure to pay attention to the angle of me on you.” You said and Ryan sucked in a breath. “You know for a baker, you sure know how to melt my butter.” Ryan chucked and you laughed, “Stop with the baking puns, you’re ruining it.” “Never.” Ryan said and you replied, “I love you.” Only for Ryan to say, “I love you back.”

“Come on Ry, when are we gonna meet your supplier?” Gavin whined on the couch, xbox controller held lazily in his hands. Ryan perked up, his eyebrow curious as to what he meant. “What are you talking about Gav, I don’t have a supplier.” “Denial.” Michael called in and Jeremy laughed, “Come off it Ry, you always seem to have the best cookies and you’ve been happier recently. You doin’ drugs or something?” Ryan choked on his diet coke spluttering, “Drugs? Why would you think just because I’m happy, I’m hitting up?” “Come on, it’s like you always have the munchies or something. And if I were coming down off a high I know which cookies I would want.” Michael said and Ryan said, “I thought you quit when Ray did?” “I mean yolo right?” Though the mention of Ray made Michael go quiet, until his phone chimed with a call. “You talking about me bro?” It was Ray and Michael smirked, “Yeah fucker, telling them how my dearly departed friend used to justblaze.” “I’m not dying!” “Sometimes I can still here your voice.” “Enough with that meme!” Michael chuckled and took Ray off speaker phone, walking out of the room to have more privacy. And then the banter continued on, the rest completely forgetting about Ryan’s so-called dealer.

“Hey Ry? Where are you now, I’m out and I wanted to give you some cookies. I figured you’d be out by now.” You said into your phone. “What makes you think I’m out?” You heard back and you laughed, “Please, like you aren’t still giving the crew little tastes of my amazing cooking?” “Well someone thinks highly of herself, doesn’t she?” “Please, I like myself very well thank you very much, and so do you. Besides, I saw you sneaking cookies last night, it’s like you didn’t get enough yesterday morning in your goodie bag.” “I don’t share.” He said and you blushed thinking about the other night, “Yeah you do. You can’t tell me you don’t share when you shared all of yourself with me the other night, and then some.” You heard Ryan exhale a breath, “That’s not fair, we’re getting ready to heist and here you are talking like that up in my ear.” You smiled and blew against the mouth piece, “If only that could hit your real ear.” And you knew you heard Ryan try and hold back his whimper. His ears always were sensitive. “Fine, I can meet you in five minutes. You better not be teasing a man about his cookies.” He fake threatened and you smiled, “Never.”

Soon you heard Ryan pull up in his black with green trim, Zentorno and you walked up to the passenger side window. You leant against the car when he rolled down the window and you offered him a bag that had white tissue paper against the interior walls, to keep the cookies more fresh. He smiled as he got some money out of his wallet and offered it to you. “I feel like this is a drug run, you getting me my fix.” He laughed out. “And you paying me for it. What’s this for?” You asked him and he chuckled when he said, “Play it up. Treat yourself.” You smiled and winked at him saying, “You know I will.” With that, you stepped back from the curb and tucked the money he gave you in your purse, and Ryan revved off to go back to work. Little did either of you know the lads had follow Ryan and with the little act you had done, they were now under the impression you were Ryan’s drug dealer.

They followed you for the rest of the day, though they never spoke to you once. They didn’t try and corner you, or take you or even stop you. They just watched you. Back at the penthouse late at night after Ryan left they told the rest of the Gents about it. “It’s real. We saw it.” Michael explained. “Geoff you have to believe us, it was like they really were exchanging drugs.” Jeremy put in after Michael. Geoff shook his head, “This has to be a misunderstanding.” “What’s there to misunderstand? Ryan pulled up, got handed a plastic bag with white shit in it and gave her money.” “Well, Ryan does seem to be acting differently lately, though it’s just happiness. What’s wrong with that?” Geoff asked and Gavin piped up with, “It’s bloody terrifying and different. Usually Ryan will slip in a joke about stabbing someone, now all he does is laugh.” “Or make an even more morbid joke.” Jeremy put in. “Alright, so maybe just follow this “dealer” again. See what her routine is.” Geoff said, “And don’t mention this to Ryan, if he denied it once, he’ll just deny it again and we have to figure out a way to help him before he tries something stronger and really hurts himself.”

So the lads continued to follow you throughout your day until they slipped up, and you recognized Gavin. You would be able to recognize him blind with that nose of his, and his British accent. He was peering behind a display of chips when he was knocked into from behind. You were currently doing the weekly shopping and turned when you heard a squawk of, “Micoo!” You turned to see Gavin picking himself up off the floor of the grocery store and turn to a freckled guy with burnt red hair. “Careful Micoo.” Gavin said, though was much quieter about it. You paid them no mind, trying to act like that sudden out burst hadn’t caught your attention. You paid for your groceries and drove to the police station knowing they wouldn’t follow you in there. You requested a back room to make a private phone call and then called Ryan. “Babe, I think the lads are following me.” You told him and you could almost hear him bristling, “What? Why?” “I don’t know. They were at the supermarket, hiding behind a chip rack.” “Well Lil J’s here with me and Jack so.. Are you sure it’s them?” “Yeah, I think I’m able to recognize any of them from the stories you’ve told me.” “Okay well let me call them. Where are you now?” “The police station, figured they wouldn’t follow me in.” “Why you think they’ll try something?” “Well maybe, since they don’t know who I am. Why would they be following me?” “I’m not sure. But act natural, just go home and if they try something I’ll find them.” “Okay.” You hung up your cell and pocketed it, making your way back out through the station and thanked the dude at the front desk.

You started making your way back home when you got on the road only to hit a bump and cause your tire to go flat. “Dangit.” You muttered and texted Ryan where you were before getting out to assess the damage. You heard a little motor like a mo-ped and turned to find Michael and Gavin riding up behind you on a Faggio. You ignored them and went about changing your tire. “Looks like someone’s a little flat.” Michael said and you frowned, “You better be talking about the car.” Michael just laughed, “Don’t worry babe, I was.” You visibly recoiled and tsked, “Only my husband is allowed to call me babe.” You said and Michael held up his hands. “Didn’t know you were married.” “That’s because you don’t know me. Now why are you following me?” You asked, still changing your tire. “Maybe because we found you out.” Gavin put in. You frowned, your brow furrowing, “Okay, what’d you find out?” “That you’re a drug dealer.” “That I’m a what?!” You asked, eyes wide and face incredulous. “That you deal drugs and we saw you making a deal with one of our friends and we’re just gonna tell you to stop selling to him before he hurts himself.” You stared at them, dumbfounded until you remembered back to your little charade you did with Ryan when you brought him cookies. “Don’t you think you need more evidence before you just start accusing people of dealing or doing drugs?” “Not when our friend who’s normally just creepy starts randomly laughing and it makes you wonder whether he’ll kill you.” “Right? It’s bloody weird, makes me shiver about what he’s thinking of.” That made you smirk because you did the same thing. “How do you know what your friend is thinking of is bad? Maybe he’s just remembering a good time?”

Michael and Gavin continued to look at you until Michael came back with, “I see what you’re doing. Not answering our questions, now be honest. Are you a drug dealer?” “No.” You said and Gavin answers with, “Ah ha! Drug dealer’s are never honest so that means you are one!” A blank look crossed your face and you set down your tire iron. “You just told me to be honest and when I am you don’t believe me? How biased is that question?” “How’d you know we were following you?” “Uh, this is Los Santos. Not hard to pick up on suspicious people around here.” “Leaning up against our friend’s car and offering him a bag of white stuff and getting paid for it is suspicious.” Michael sneered and you countered with, “So’s hiding behind a rack of chips.” Gavin muttered, “Crisps.” “Whatever. Now are you done interrogating me so I can finish fixing my car?” You asked and Michael crossed his arms. “Well if your not a drug dealer, then what’d you give our friend?” “I gave him cookies. And if you believe that then you know I’m not a drug dealer.” Both lads faces dropped, “What?!” Michael screeched, “You’re the master cookie maker?! Those are your cookies Ryan always has?!” You smiled, “Yeah what of it Jones?” Michael was still freaking out about how delectable the treats Ryan shares with them are yours when Gavin said, “Wait, how do you know his name?” “I can figure a lot out Gavin, especially since I know Ryan.” Michael stopped fawning over your baking to say, “But how do you know about us? We’ve never heard about you.” “That’s because she’s my wife.” You all turned to see Ryan standing there, black Zentorno pulled up behind the Faggio. “And that’s how it was supposed to stay.”

“You’re married?!” Geoff shrieked when you were all back at the penthouse. “Since when you fucker?” Michael asked and Ryan and you laughed, “Since three years now?” Geoff huffed, “Well that explains you being so happy these past few years Ry. I can’t believe I thought you’d turned to drugs.” “Geoff come on, who long have you known me? Besides, (Y/N)’s the only drug I need.” Geoff made a disgusted face saying, “I didn’t need to know that.” And Jeremy called out, “Don’t forget her cookies.” Everyone but Geoff laughed, “I can see now I would lose, even if I were younger.” He said, calling back to the conversation he had with you at the store. Ryan brought you aside, walking with you up to the roof and sitting down on one of the many chairs. “I’m glad they handled that well. Now I’m off the hook about drugs and you’re off the hook about being hidden.” Ryan looked at his feet when he said that last part and you knew he was still scared for everyone’s safety, especially yours. “It’ll be okay Ryan.” You said and held up Ryan’s face so his eyes could meet yours. “I love you.” He said and you kissed him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling away you said, “I love you back.”

3

AND THIS IS HOW YOU DOUBLE SOMEONE HEART RATE IN MATTER OF SECONDS 

*puts on jacket and hat*

Oh lord he taking us on an emotional roller coaster ride

Jiho now owns the record of having me yell out BOI and OH MY GOD so many times in one sitting. 

Friendzone

A/N: I took 2 amazing requests to write this. I hope you like it. Xo.

PROMPTS:

  1. Anonymous said to chris-evans-imagine:Hello darling! If you don’t mind I’d like to request a Chris Evans imagine where Chris and the reader are co-stars and during an interview he says that you are a “party animal” and that you wanted to go out and party every night while filming. Thank you x
  2. Anonymous said to chris-evans-imagine:Hi please could I make a request where the reader is a younger member of the Avengers cast and Chris looks after her, making sure she’s eaten / trying to slyly give her food when she’s being interviewed or hurrying to put a coat on her between takes :) thank you

Warnings: none ;)

——-

(Anonucer/broadcaster): And now, please welcome y/n and Chris Evans.

I heard people clapping, I looked at Chris one last time before the doors opened. I can’t even count the numbers of shows and interviews we’ve been in, I had a feeling that this one was going to be so much fun.

“Here they are” Ellen greeted us. The show began as usual, some jokes and a few games.

“I need to ask this, Chris” Ellen started “How was having her as your romantic interest?” I felt like blushing, we had had this question so many times. And it was always the same answer.

“It was great, I mean, she’s awesome. I thought I liked to party, but she was like with the crew always organizing something. She’s a party animal.”

“So I heard…” said sarcastically Ellen. I laughed at her voice tone.

“I mean, it’s our job but we can always have a little fun and it wasn’t like a big deal, you know? Besides, we were like… party buddies, so we bonded a lot during the filming and now through the whole interviewing”

“Huh, interesting… just party buddies? Not like… other kind of buddies?” she inquiered, then we both looked back at the big screens and there was a picture of us. Chirs was setting a coat over my shoulders.

“Buddies” we both said laughing.

*****

“How crazy is that everybody keep asking us if were dating?” Chris asked on the way back. I had left my car in his place.

“I know…”

“You’re like my sister… duh” when he said that, something moved inside me. I liked party buddies, but not brother/sister.

“Yeah…” I murmured.

“Hey, do you wanna grab a beer before you go?”

“Actually, I was supposed to drive, but someone is picking me up” I responded as I looked through the window.

“Oh… I didn’t know you were dating” his voice was barely audible. I sighed.

“Chris, you don’t have to know everything about me”

“I didn’t meant that” and I thought he was going to say something else, but the only thing I heard on our way back was a sad rock song.

****

Realizing you like someone is maybe one of the sweetest or the sourest things in life. It can make you feel like heaven or hurt so bad. I was experiencing the second choice. I couldn’t like Chris, although I did. I liked him. In a big, horrendous, and unstoppable way. So what did I did? Run away from him. There was a lot on stake. And maybe it was just a phase. Maybe, just maybe, it was the idea.

It was a Friday night, I was wearing a short and a big t-shirt. The bell rang. And I looked through the peephole just to find the beautiful specimen of Chris. Damn.

“I know you’re there, open the door” I hyperventilated. What the damn hell was he doing there? I ran to my bedroom and grabbed my bathrobe a lipstick and ran all the way down.

“Chris… what are you doing here?” I didn’t even leaned to kiss him nor to make our special hello.

“Oh, I thought you were alone… hum, is it a bad time?” I wanted to say yup, come back in a few years, but I denied with my head.

“Great, we need to talk” he made our way through my place.

“Ok… I’ll have to leave soon”

“It’s fine, this won’t take long” he was walking, leaving his masculine scent all the way through.

“Do you want water or something?” I passed over him and he just sighed. Oh, no… “Chris, what is it?” he ran his fingers across his soft hair.

“I don’t even know how to begin…”

“Let me help you” I went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers. He was looking at the yard. “Here…”

“Thanks” he took a long sip and then sighed. Again.

“So…?”

“So… I think we need to talk.”

“About?” I asked again.

“Us. I don’t know what’s happening. I look for you, try to take care of you, I made sure you were ok during the whole stuff. I just feel like I’ve been good with you”

“Yeah, like a big brother, Chris” I replied. He rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t want this to happen, y/n”

“What happened?” I inquired, I sat. I wasn’t prepared to hear that. Oh, god. Friend zone, here I go.

“You’re too young, you have a world of possibilities. I tried to convince myself that it was better for us to be just friends. But then I realized that I wasn’t ready to be your friend. So I said you were like a sister, but…”

“But…” my eyes were wide open.

“But I can’t even think of you as a sister. You woke up a protective part of me, you also woke up feelings I thought I’d never feel again.” And then… silence. Fuck.

“Chris, just say it” I insisted.

“I’m in love with you”

“What?” I dropped my beer. Chris closed his eyes and started to walk.

“I said it, ok? You’re too young for me, you still have to live a lot of things. But apparently I’m just a selfish human being for wanting you to discover the world with me. And…” I walked towards him, grabbed him, and kissed him.

“Shut up” I murmured against his lips.

“What does that mean?” he asked. His arms were around my waist. I could live here forever.

“That any of us is getting into the friend zone” he smiled.

“You’re funny”

“And you’re so dramatic” I told him. “You’re too young for me” I imited him. He laughed.

“Shhh… just kiss me”

What if Anakin and Ahsoka brag about all their roasts together, like if they have a separate mission or something, when they see each other again they’ll just say “you won’t believe what I said to him. It destroyed him.” And they steal each other’s lines and jokes and shit and The Ultimate Sass Master™ Obi-Wan just rolls his eyes because “that’s the fiftieth time, Anakin, how many times can you reuse the same joke” “I haven’t said it to the same person twice, master, it doesn’t matter.” And he got that line from Ahsoka and he’s really proud of her for that sickass burn.

So when she gets back from Carlac, Ahsoka goes “So I gave him the drink and I said ‘be careful not to choke on your stupidity’” and they high five like dorks and Anakin says “Damn. I’ll have to use that one some time.”

anonymous asked:

Okay so, I was thinkin' a Robert/MC request. And it sort of touches down on something more emotionally touching? Him opening up about his feelings and the MC knows its hard for him to do. Maybe toss in some sweet cuddles if ya need but yeah. That'd be totally neato.

This was a pretty tough one, I couldn’t think of anything that’ll get the emotionally touching feeling on so I’ve decided to make a little jealous robert thing if you don’t mind. Hopefully you all like it!

I won’t say (I’m jealous)
Robert Small X MC Daddy              

Robert said he needed to work on emotional things first before committing into any romantic relationship, which I really respect and I am more than willing to wait till he’s ready. He’s been going through a lot and I know that as a father you’d want focus on family matters first. His relationship with Val has definitely improved these past few months. Also, no more daily dose of whiskey shots at Jim and Kim’s. I’m really proud of all the progress he’s made. And as promised, I remained by his side as a friend.

“I like you, I like you a lot.” He said as he held my hand, we were sitting our tree by the backyard watching guests leave the party we held for Amanda.

Those words are all I could hold on at the moment. And if loving him means holding on to those words for as long as I can, hold on I will.

Keep reading

Magnets

Request: If you are still taking the specific Bucky stories how about a Bucky x reader where the reader and Bucky are friends but the reader is a bit childish abs likes to put cute magnets in his arm. Mostly where he can’t see them but others can.

Summary: You sneak some magnets onto Bucky’s arm and one of them happens to be an Inigo Montoya quote. The teams sees it and starts making Princess Bride jokes, confusing the hell out of Bucky.

Warnings: Best friend fluffy fluff!

A/N: I laughed so god damn hard while writing this, I do apologize for how short it is though.


Keep reading

HELLO! I’m back and I have some news, but first I want to say thank you to everyone that has sent me such amazing and positive messages in my absence. I know that I haven’t responded to most of them but your kindness didn’t go unnoticed! I really appreciate all the nice thing all of you have done for me. ♥ Now with that being said, time for the update…

I am no longer living in the hospital! I’ve actually been out for a few weeks now, getting to enjoy my friends and and families company outside of hospital walls. But… just because that I’m free doesn’t mean I’m cured… In my last updates I said I’ve been in the hospital for something way beyond my control. And this is still the case. I’ve also said I don’t want to share my diagnosis, but now I believe it’s time to share whats been going on with me. I don’t want to keep anyone you in the dark anymore, considering so many of you have expressed how much you care about me, it’s unfair to all of you and I’m sorry for waiting to tell my story.

I have been diagnosis with Leukemia. More specifically, Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia. If anyone is unaware of what Leukemia is, it is blood Cancer! Now I know that Cancer is a pretty scary word, it’s one that I thought I’d never use outside of joking around with my friend, but it is a word to describe my situation nevertheless! Although Leukemia is a pretty serious diagnosis, the kind that I have (APL) Is curable! I’ve become an outpatient and have been receiving Chemotherapy for about a Month now and will be starting the second half of my treatment this Monday. But ever since I’ve been diagnosed and been out of the hospital, my life haven’t really changed at all. I still go to school, I still work and be around people, the only significant change that effects my daily life now is that I get extremely sick and tired easily and having to take a few hours out of my day to receive Chemo. It’s a path i’d never thought I’d be on, but it’s the path to saving my life.

 Now I know with all this said, people are still going to worry about me. But in all honestly I am doing extremely well! I am, for the most part, healthy and I’m surrounded by friend who love and support me and family who stand by me and my recovery. I’m finally getting back to making comics! Just because of my condition I’m not going to stop doing what I love. A new page will be coming out soon ♥ Thank you all for staying with me and being so patient. There’s no need to worry about me~ I’m going to kick Cancers ass!  

- p.s I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with Asks. I’ll try to start responding to some of them again and if you have asked me something before a long time ago and I still haven’t gotten to it, feel free to ask me again. Also if you are sending me a personal story/question that you don’t feel comfortable with me responding to publicly don’t be afraid to send me a message c: Thank you ♥

kerryquartz  asked:

Any tips for a beginner writer?

Here’s a bunch of random advice that I’ve been given or learned over the years:

Train Your Brain - Write Every Day
This one is so so sososo important. If you want to be a writer, you absolutely need to train yourself to write every day - It’s the only way to get better. You need to make it part of your routine, and part of your life. Set aside a little time, even just 30 minutes, and make that your Writing Time every single day. For me, it’s the first 2 hours right after I wake up. I get up, I make coffee, I sit by my window that looks out at my garden, and I type or scribble away for 2 hours. No surfing the internet, no getting distracted… that’s my writing time. By setting these sorts of habitual patterns you’ll train your brain to be creative on your command.

Finding your “voice”
It doesn’t matter whether it’s a novel or an episode of a scifi TV show, great writing always has something personal in there from the writer; some nugget of emotion and truth that makes it sing. It doesn’t matter how cool your story is, how complicated or interesting your characters are, if you’re not finding inspiration in your own life and putting Yourself in there it’s gonna fall flat. This one took me a surprisingly long time to learn. Which leads me to…

“Write what you know” doesn’t just mean “Write about your life”
I used to think that “Write what you know” was lame advice that meant people should only write about their own lives and experiences… and that’s pretty boring, right? The thing it took me ages and ages to figure out was that it meant “Take what you’ve learned about emotions, relationships, friendships, and living from your own life, and apply that to your stories.” So even if I live alone in the middle of nowhere with no friends (hello, 2013) I can use that experience to, say, write a story about an astronaut on a space station.

Make your characters sound different from each other
There’s nothing worse than reading something where all the characters’ voices sound exactly the same. Whenever I write a new character I always, always try to have someone’s voice in mind for them - Could be an actor, a friend, a family member, someone I heard on a train… But as I write that character I imagine that person’s voice saying the words and what they would say; it helps inform sentence structure, vocabulary, verbal tics. It helps keep the dialogue feeling real and unique from other characters’ dialogue. The whole process is kind of like being an actor except entirely in your head and on the page. To help build up a “database” of voices, I spend a lot of time studying people’s speech patterns and voices out and about in the world. I’ll be at a restaurant or in a store and hear someone say something in a unique way, or with a great accent, and I’ll write it down in my notebook for later. Speaking of which…

Keep a notebook (or at least a note on your phone) for ideas
Now admittedly I’m a bit of a notebook fiend (I go through 3-5 of those Moleskine notebooks a year) but I really think they are one of the best weapons a writer can have in their arsenal. Anytime you have any scrap of an idea, whip out your notebook (or, sigh, your phone) and jot it down. It could be a single idea for a joke, it could be a great line of dialogue, it could be a character or location you want to use… write it down. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve found solutions by just flipping through a notebook and spotting something that I forgot I wrote down.

Analyze your favorite writing
Make sure to spend time thinking about the writing that inspires you and gets you jazzed - Why do you like it? What are the common elements? Do you think you’d be able to write something like that? That sort of academic work will pay off in the long run, trust me.

“No one will read this…”
…And that’s okay! You need to remind yourself when you’re first starting out that no one may read what you’re writing - But don’t let that discourage you! I have a whole drawer (okay, a Dropbox folder) full of scripts that no one else has ever read. And they’re mostly garbage! But I learned lots of stuff from writing them. Remember that, at first, you should be writing just for the joy of doing it, rather than looking for praise from other people. I find that lots of young writers spend more time thinking about the end results rather than actually doing the work - So stop thinking about ways you’ll “troll your fans” and focus on actually writing, ya sillyhead!

Happy trails, and don’t forget to write!