A/N: So I’m not a writer but Imma try this shit. This is based off of a song by Halsey, Colors, and this is gonna be kinda sad. Sorry, but I’m bored in class all day and this is what I wanna do,,, so if you like it, I might do more stuff like this! Also, this is set when they’re like 17 so, c h i l l. Very angsty as well, I
l o v e don’t hate writing it so Imma try this out.
Pairing: Richie x reader, reader is Eddie’s twin sister, the works
Warnings: attempt in suicide, language of cOURSE, mentions of suicidal tendencies, suggested abusive relationship with some guy I made up for the sake of this oneshot thing, and too much detail into somethings that are better left alone OH WELL,,, Also it’s a cliffhanger
Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so
You said your mother only smiled on her tv show
You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope
How was it not obvious to Richie? He had never seen her like this, and he’s know Y/n ever since he met Eddie in the 5th grade, them being twins and all. He never realized it, but maybe she wasn’t as okay as she said she was. Looking back, did any of her smiles ever touch her eyes? How did she sit so long, just staring out the window, thinking and looking as if she were dead inside? All of these things should have been obvious, especially with the twin’s home life. The only time their mom looked at them was to tell them to take their meds, but who knew she felt so neglected.
But why didn’t Eddie ever tell her how much he admired her? Richie knew he did, she’s the only thing he talks about besides having to clean shit up. Eddie loves his sister so much, how did she not see it? Why didn’t he tell her she was loved and cared for?
Maybe he didn’t know she felt this way either. Maybe Richie should have said something to her. Maybe he wouldn’t be in this position right now; watching her sit on the edge of the Quarry, with a big pill bottle and a pack of cigarettes.
I hope you make it to the day you’re twenty-eight years old
You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise
You’re spilling like an overflowing sink
Her eyes were overflowing like a sink, tears streaming down her face like a waterfall. She sat there in the warm summer sunset, the sweater she was wearing earlier was laying on the ground behind her, now only in her sports bra, her hands tracing the bruises on her body. Y/n was dating a guy named John, but they all knew she hated him, she only dated him because he asked her to prom and things just sorta happened from there. John was the type to get physical when things didn’t go his way, but Richie never realized how far the guy would take that, it infuriated him.
He thought tears back himself, seeing the girl he loved like this. How did he not know? He asked himself this so many times in the last 5 minutes, he just can’t comprehend that the one girl who saved his life was dying inside right in front of him. His y/n, the one that laughed at all his jokes, highfived him for him mom jokes EVEN if they were about her own mom. His dream girl is right in front of him, about to do something she won’t be able to take back, and he doesn’t have the courage to say something.
You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece
And now i’m tearing through the pages and the ink
Richie can’t describe just how genuinely amazing she is, she was a piece of art that created chaos, but somehow calm surrounded her at all times. It seems her masterpiece was ripped at the edges, she was just smudged ink on a page. But to him, she was the light at the end of a hallway, the cool breeze on a hot summer day, the very breath he breathed. She was everything to him, he couldn’t just let her slip away like sand in an hourglass. He has to say something, he has to convince her to stay here, to stay with him.
“Y/n,” he spoke barely above a whisper, “Y/n, stop.” His voice was weak, his heart wrenching, but he has to stop her. The pale girl turns around, looking at him up and down, not speaking. She turns back around as he says, “You can’t.” He walks and sits next to her, he felt like a ghost screaming at a living person but they can’t hear. She stares off at the dying sun, taking a puff of her cigarette. “Why can’t I? It’s so much better than staying here with everything going on. I could just leave and not have to deal with all the shit. All the shitty shit.” With every word both of their hearts broke, not knowing that the other loved the first. Richie new he was just Eddie’s nerd best friend that always hung out at her house, hell, he thought y/n thought of him as a brother as well. Little did he know, she felt what people would call an undying love for him. He was the one thing keeping her there for the longest time, but after what happened, she felt it was all for nothing. The suffering, the relationship, the life she was just barely surviving.
That was all she was doing now. Surviving.
Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now i’m covered in the colors pull apart at the seams
And it’s blue
Ever since that day, all she could see was black and white. The only thing she could feel was blue. A deep dark blue like I could imagine is only found at the very bottom of the deepest ocean. She was at the Quarry with her friends of the Loser club, and it was a decent day. Honestly, it was a great day until the very end, when her boyfriend came looking for her and nobody said a word when he was grabbing her and touching her a little too hard. Not one person said a word when he told her that she needed to be punished for not getting him a cigarette and doing as told. No one looked her way when he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to his truck and drove them away, leading to what pushed her over the edge. Richie didn’t say one thing to her, Eddie avoided her at all costs, Bill and Stan were busy making out in the river to notice, and Mike, Bev and Ben wasn’t even there. If they had been there, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t be so heavily considering what she was doing now.
But after that night, it didn’t matter what she did, she couldn’t get her mind off of it. She scrubbed herself down in the shower 7 times the next day, she burned the clothes, she attempted to slept away the pain, but nothing worked. So she took her bullshit medicine and headed for the Quarry. Maybe if she could see that beautiful sight one more time she could forget about everything and just go. Go without the thoughts of him in her head.
She felt as if she were being pulled apart at the seams, her insides felt like mush and everything was just failing. Nothing felt the same. Nothing felt safe. Not even the thought of Richie felt safe, and she loved him. But once she heard his voice, her tears dried up, and she could breathe a little better.
Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he’s so devoid of color
He don’t know what it means
And he’s blue
The smoke. The smoke from her cigarette was grey. The sky was starting to turn grey as the sun said it’s final words to Derry. Her looked grey in the dimming light, everything felt grey. Of course Richie knew it was the situation, but he hated that this was probably how she felt all the time. If he had said something to her earlier about how he felt towards her, maybe this would be different. Maybe if he said something that night he could feel his courage in his throat instead of this lump.
He knew he should have said something, he knew that was no way to treat anyone, let alone his y/n. He was angry, he wanted nothing to do with her boyfriend, and he was PISSED when he showed up at he Quarry. That’s why he didn’t say anything, and he hated himself for it. He knew exactly what John was doing, and he hated him for it, Richie knew he should have punched the boy in the face and drove her home himself. What he didn’t know was what actually happened after he watched that monster drag y/n away into his truck and drive off. He didn’t want to know either, he just wished he could take it all back, he wish he could have said something and not be the wimp he knew he was. If he hadn’t let his anger get the better of him maybe they could be laughing right now at his house, hanging out like they use to.
But none of that could happen now.
You were a vision in the morning when the light came through
I know I’ve only felt religion when i’ve lied with you
You said you’ll never be forgiven till your boys are too
And I’m still waking every morning but it’s not with you
And somehow their minds lined up, and they both began thinking about the time they both knew how they felt for each other. Of course, each time was different for the other, but the feeling was so strong for both the teens, it was easy for everyone else to see how the two felt, and as cliche as the usual romcom, hard for the silly teenagers to see. It was like the films Eddie made them go see with him, some magical force brought them together and yet they couldn’t see it when it was right there.
For Richie, it was the day he met her, the 5th grade boy wasn’t much on liking people and yet there was something about her that he couldn’t get out of his head. The way she relentlessly loved her brother and made sure he was okay and told off bullies and gosh- she was amazing. She stood for what she believed in, she stood for those she liked, she stood for him. The day they met, he was at the deadly hands of Henry Bowers, getting beaten to a bloody pulp. She threatened to call the police, more specifically his dad, and he ran off. Her and her brother cleaned him up and that was it, he fell fast and hard.
For y/n it was different, it took a little longer to warm up to Richie, but when she did it was like a train hitting her in the face. The summer IT had come along, they went into the Neibolt house, and immediately after Eddie got lost, she got lost. It took the longest time for them to find her, or at least that what it felt like. By the time they found her she was having a mental breakdown in the spot IT left her to fight the Losers, but what he used against her was the deepest darkest fear she had, it left her paralyzed in fear for hours, and all those long hours, Richie stayed with her. He soothed her, he did everything he could to make sure she knew she was safe. That’s when she knew for sure that she loved the thick glass eyed nerd.
But the real question is, was it too late? Was it too late for y/n to feel the will to live, for Richie to finally tell her how he felt, to save both their lives? All questions I can’t answer. Maybe it was the end, maybe it was the beginning, but there was something so loudly unspoken between the two that y/n stood up right on the edge, leaving everything right where it was when Richie walked in, and finally saying, “Look how easy it could be. Just one step off this ledge and boom, in a matter of seconds.” She turns around with her arms open and Richie’s mouth followed suit. “But there’s one thing I have to tell you Rich, I love you. And waking up everyone morning without you was killing me.”