how many more ways can you rip my heart out

A Bad Dream

Prompt: Amelia & Owen’s child wakes up from a nightmare and wants Owen.

A little lengthy & a little angsty, just how I like it. Named after the song A Bad Dream by Keane, a personal favourite of mine – strongly suggest you give them a listen xx A

I so badly wanted to hate myself for feeling this way, for resenting my own child. Let me make it clear, I love my little girl. I love her more than anyone could imagine loving another human. Yet we were having this conversation again, the conversation that ripped my heart of out my chest and sucked all the air from my lungs. She’s so young and it’s not her fault that she doesn’t understand but I don’t know how many more times or how many different ways I can explain it to her. So here we were again, her head tucked in my chest while she sniffled, silent tears streaming down my face while I stroked her hair – how did we get here?

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I dont even know how people can make rumors of taylorswift.

You can see in this video how she looks up so she doesnt start crying and her voice trembling and you can actually hear sadness in such a delicated way. 

I have lost my sister to cancer, and I wish so much Taylor gets to know her story and how she help me everyday to cope with this and many other things. 

This video has so many emotions, and how she can´t even smile for the camera because she is about to cry in every little pice of the song its just ripping my heart out. 

I hope more people get to know Tay the way she really is, this empathetic, nice, warm, sincere and awesome young lady that is my best friend and she wants to help, because she knows now she can do it. 

I really feel the moments when she has to look down and take a deep breath not to cry, i been there, many times. And when you are just about to, and you have to stare up or the tears will come down your face, and your voice starts to hurt because of the sadness as you have a hole in your throat.

This is one of my most precious Tay moments, I can relate so much and its so deep and I believe everything she shows about herself in this song. This is the real Taylor, this is the woman I love and this is my best friend. 

Favorite Steroline Moment - #17

Favorite Steroline Moment - #17

It may sound weird for some that I chose this scene as one of my favorites because at the begining, their conversation is about Klaus, and then Elena and Damon, but let me explain myself before you judge me lol.

Since Stefan found out about Elena’s feelings for Damon in S3 all he did was blame himself for this - “I lost you the minute I left town” (he says to her in 3x11) and “I know you didn’t stop loving me even though I did everything possible to push you away. But it’s my fault that you are also in love with Damon” (3x18). That’s what Stefan does all the time, he blames himself for everything. Even if he’s the one who gets hurt by someone else, he finds a way to blame himself for it. He always saw Elena as a saint, an angel, a martyr. He finds an excuse for everything she does, even when she’s wrong. But this was the first moment he allowed himself to feel what he should feel: Anger. Betrayal. ‘Cause she crossed the line. From that moment, she’s not a saint anymore. He’s hurt, he blames her for this, and he’s not afraid to tell her this at the first chance he gets - “How many more ways are there for you to rip my heart out?” (4x10).

So, back to the scene. Stefan and Caroline are talking about Klaus and all the horrible things that he did, and Stefan points out that they all did horrible things

“And I’m sitting here trying to figure out what makes us any better than him. And I think it’s just that we have family we can trust”

Caroline, who knows about Delena being together and just found out about them being at the lake house - after Damon’s promise to his brother that he would break up with her, decides that she’s not gonna be a part of this. Damon and Elena want to lie and hide things from Stefan? Fine. But she won’t. Because this is wrong in all the possible ways. Because he doesn’t deserve this. And Elena is her BFF and this would be against girls code, but she does it anyway. She picks Stefan’s side on this and “betrays” Elena, telling him what neither Damon nor Elena had the courage to say.

“Yeah, you’re right Stefan. Trust is everything. Have you heard from Damon? Did he happen to mention where Elena was?”

And that’s the turning-point in the Steroline relationship. That’s when they really become so attached to each other. It’s not when Stefan saves her vampire lifeand promises to protect her, it’s not when he comes to her asking for her help to control his bloodlust. That’s it, that’s the moment when everything changes between them. Because he talks about trust and it shakes her. Because she knows that trust comes with truth and she wants him to trust her the way she trusts him. So, when she is put in a position where she has to choose between “girls code” or “truth and trust”, she chooses the second. And this tells so much about her moral and what is really important to her. But this is also a moment when she has to choose between Stefan and Elena - and she chooses him. (And it’s not the only time she does this. I also talked about that here). Stefan, obviously, realizes what she’s trying to say, but he’s also confused about the extension of this. So, he asks her

“They’re together, aren’t they? How together are they?”

And Caroline can see the pain and deception in his eyes and suddenly his pain is her pain and she can’t answer, she just hopes that he figures this out by himself 'cause she can’t say the words that she knows will hurt him so much. And he does. And he breaks. And she’s there.

And that was the moment I decided I couldn’t accept they not being together at some point. And that’s why this moment is on my #Top20.