how mad am i at myself for not posting this before

In honor of my 5th semester in a row of all A’s (hell yeah boiiiii) I’m going to make this post. I don’t know how I did it because I am honestly so lazy.

  1. Grades are reflective of your work ethic and your ability to strategize, not your intelligence.
  2. Be real with yourself. Are you sure you are ready to commit to perfect grades? Are you ready to work, day in and day out, when it sucks and classes are boring and hard? Are you ready to feel satisfied for all of the hard work you put in? If the answer is yes, congratulations. You are on your way to becoming a straight-A student.
  3. Prioritize classes. Not every class requires the same amount of work, and you should find out the hardest classes early on in the semester. These will take the most time, and you will have to spend extra time and effort to get a good grade. When choosing classes, make sure you will be able to handle them. Make sure you will be able to ace all of them, at the same time. That being said, don’t shy away from hard classes. You have to challenge yourself. Take a few AP’s. They are worth it.
  4. Make friends with teachers/professors, especially the ones that teach hard subjects. I am very close with my chemistry professor, and this has proved invaluable because I am able to get free tutoring, as well as a great recommendation letter for college apps.
  5. Have other goals. You need to do something that is not studying to keep you productive. I would highly recommend joining a sports team or club. I exercise (usually running and weightlifting) at least 2 hours a day, usually more. Playing 2 sports made me more healthy, social, and productive. Running calms me down, and weightlifting makes me feel strong. Do whatever makes you feel good, as long as it’s healthy.
  6. Learn to manage time well. How do I play 2 sports, get straight A’s, have a studyblr, and have time to spare? The answer is that I take care of myself well. I go to bed at 10:30 or 11 each night so I can get 7 ish hours of sleep. I do homework during lunch or in class so I don’t do it at home.
  7. Slack off. Yep. I said it. I complete assignments strategically, spending the most time on things worth the most points. Things that will only take a few minutes can occasionally be done in class right before the teacher is collecting homework. I have done this all too often. That being said, small assignments really do add up so make sure you do an acceptable job and turn them in on time.
  8. Turn something in. It is ok to sometimes slack off in quality, but if something is due, you better turn something in. Something is better than nothing. Getting extensions on assignments for no reason will make the teacher think you are lazy, or don’t care about their class. Every single essay and worksheet does not have to be your best work, but make sure you fill the basic assignment requirements, and it should be enough. 
  9. Extra. Credit. Some classes don’t offer this, but if they do, just freaking do it man. Knowing you can miss an assignment because you did extra credit earlier is the best feeling, especially when doing that assignment would have meant losing sleep. 
  10. Plan (sort of). I have a bullet journal where I write important assignments down. As I said, there are some assignments not worth your time that you can half-ass. The ones I write down are the ones I need to do well. If you write down every. last. assignment. you will burn out and stop planning altogether. 
  11. Sometimes, go above and beyond. You know that subject you really like? With an awesome teacher? Spend time on it. Make your project extra beautiful, and read ahead in the textbook. Watch video lectures online, and maybe even make a studyblr post about it. Your extra work might not be turned in for credit, but it will make you feel a whole lot more knowledgeable on the subject. Do this for classes you hate, too. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it is. The extra effort might allow you to see the beauty in a subject you used to despise. 
  12. Be real with yourself (again). This past semester, I had a B+ for a few months in a subject I really love. I wasn’t mad, and I didn’t stress about it, because, honestly? It doesn’t really matter. Eventually I brought the grade up again, but it would be fine to me either way. 
2

I discovered fandom in 2001, and fell down the rabbit hole. I landed hard. My life got busy in 2002 onwards, and I all but vanished from fannish life. I was well and truly out by the summer of 2010, but when a friend nudged me to watch this new show called Sherlock that had just aired, I did. I loved it. 

I loved the relationship between Sherlock and John. I loved what they’d done with Watson! He had depths! He was a man of action, but he was obviously made of coiled, unspoken emotion! So compelling, so many possibilities! The desire to dip into this nascent fandom was rearing its head. This time around, I knew what choice lay before me, and what its consequences were. Open that door, or not?

If it hadn’t been for the fact that I was one year post cancer treatment and facing another surgery to determine if I had a new round of treatment to endure, I think I would have closed that door. Fandom takes up a lot of time and energy. It can be deliriously fun and damagingly distracting at the same time. I had a surgery date. I wanted to be distracted. I opened the door.

I tried not to write anything. I love writing fanfiction, but I never plan to do it. When I write, it’s because I have to. It’s wonderful, but it consumes me completely, and who has times for that? Who choses to be so consumed?I read and read, I had my surgery, I read some more, I got good news regarding my health (yay!), and then, goddammit, I wrote something.

Something small, I thought that would be okay. I thought I could get away with it. Don’t write any novels this time. Just a little thing. Just scratch the itch.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes is a novel-length story written by someone who was trying very hard to avoid writing a novel-length story. I was in denial about it being a novel-length story for the first half of it, easily. That damn story forced me to do something I’d decided never to do again, and I’m grateful for that.

I wrote it because I felt compelled to, even though it contains a characterization of Sherlock that few if any people wanted to read about. It’s in first person present tense, another decision few if any readers want a writer to make. I apologized for it a lot, but I had to write it. And I loved it. That story reminded me how much I love writing, and how happy writing makes me, and that’s not something I’ll soon forget again.

The voice in that story is so sticky that half the comments left on it are in the same voice. I had to work myself up to write in that voice every time I sat down to work on it, and I was never sure whether I was getting it consistently or not, even right up to the end. But afterwards it took me fully 6 months to stop writing in that damn voice.

Honestly, I have no idea why my difficult, weird, inappropriate on many levels attempt at a story, written after only 3 aired episodes of a show in 2010-11, received its 10,000th kudos today. That’s a variety of madness and kindness that I cannot explain. But I am grateful for it.

Thank you for being here when I needed you. Thank you for finding a place for a story that no one, including me, really wanted. Thank you.

1. i don’t know how to say this so i’m just going to say it - don’t text me anymore. don’t call me. don’t ask me how i am when you feel lonely. don’t check up on me. don’t tell me you’re doing well. i don’t want to hear it. i don’t want to hear it because you fucking broke me. GOODBYE.

2. hey, okay, sooo i thought i could be friends with you but it hurts too much. not that you hurt me that much. no, i’m okay. i don’t cry in the shower anymore. some nights i actually fall asleep before 4 a.m. but then there’s some nights where i think about you and her kissing and it’s all that’s on my mind for days. no, no, it’s not like that. it’s not that i love you anymore or that i’m jealous. i just hate you for what you did to me. so yeah, anyways, just thought you should know i don’t want to be friends. hope you’re doing well though. maybe our paths will cross again.

3. i told myself many, many months ago that if i wanted this to work, if i wanted us to be friends, i couldn’t talk to you about my feelings ever again. i couldn’t turn every conversation into our failed relationship. so for many, many months, i’ve been letting it eat at me instead. i don’t want it to eat at me anymore and you don’t want to listen to me whine so i think this has to end. sorry.

4. hey, listen: some days i’m fine, but the smallest things get to me. like i’m pretty sure i saw you on her snapchat story. it’s none of my business, but i’m really mad at you for it. i’m really mad that you still talk to that girl you chose over me and you still like all of these girls’ facebook photos but you never like mine. and it’s not fair for me to be mad at you for having friends or being happy, i have no right to be, you didn’t do anything wrong. but it still gets to me, still eats away at me, still makes me want to knock down your door and ask you why the fuck you had to leave, why you had to do anything you did, why i poured all of my love into you that i didn’t have any left for myself and you took it and gave it to somebody else. god, this hurts. i don’t want you to know how badly this hurts but it does. i’m leaving you and taking this hurt with me.

5. hey, hope you’re doing well, but this still feels like a nightmare i’ll never wake up from. and i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry, it’s not fair to you to have to listen to this shit because it’s been two whole years and i’m still not over it. and that’s my problem, not yours. it will never be your fault that i’m so goddamn sensitive. i’ve never been able to get over anything and i hate myself for it. please let me heal. please leave.

6. hey, remember the summer where i hooked up with the first guy who wasn’t you, when you had me blocked on everything and i couldn’t see what you were up to? well, i still read my posts from that summer and i was actually HAPPY. can you believe that? i was actually going about my life without you and i wasn’t thinking about what you did to me. but here i am again, thinking about it and the only thing that’s changed is that you speak to me. and i would love to be friends with you, i would, i’ve been trying so hard to be for months, but it’s making me so damn miserable. and i’m so jealous that she gets to be friends with you and i don’t. i’m sorry i’m not her. i’m sorry i never will be.

7. i’ve been ignoring your messages on purpose and you keep texting me again and it’s exhausting to have to ignore you all of the time and feel so guilty about it. i just don’t understand how you just don’t get the hint. so here’s a bigger one: LEAVE ME ALONE.

8. hey, okay, i know this is sudden but i don’t want to hear from you anymore. i don’t want to think about this anymore. i want to move on with my life and there’s no room for you in it. it was stupid of me to think that just because you’ve always been a good friend to me that we can be friends. we can’t.

9. hey. first off, i want to say i’m sorry, i just need to do what’s best for me. secondly, thank you for always being there when i needed you, but i don’t need you anymore. for now, it has to be just me. it feels like i’m breaking up with you and we’re not even dating, but this is it - this is goodbye. forever. don’t contact me.

10. all you ever did was hurt me. fuck you. i don’t want to see your stupid fucking name on my phone anymore. fucking get out. leave.

—  10 text messages i’m afraid to send because i don’t want to say goodbye to you, not again
10,000 - 11,100 Follower Prompt Batch Special
  • “I took your memories for a good reason, but I shouldn’t have.”
  • “Is it too late to come over?”
  • “Hey, let me in. It’s so cold out here.”
  • “I wasn’t sure if you could understand my language, what with you being ancient and all.”
  • “When I told you that you could come along, I meant silently.”
  • “I’m the opposite of flexible.”
  • “You’ve been talking for eight months and you still don’t know their name?”
  • “You wanted to stand out, so now you do. Is this not what you meant?”
  • “I can’t sleep at night anymore. I don’t like closing my eyes.”
  • “You stood there and let it happen. You get to face the consequences.”
  • “I can’t say this was one of my proudest moments.”
  • “I figured that I could mold myself into someone you could admire whilst you were gone.”
  • “You stop me from making bad ideas all the time. Of course I got a little dependent on that.”
  • “Take a look at what I have to do and now tell me it’s easy.”
  • “They were conducting experiments here. I was a part of that.”
  • “You can teleport! Surely you can get us out of this mess, right?”
  • “Even a master such as I can make mistakes.”
  • “I’ve been patiently waiting, but I can’t do that anymore.”
  • “Sometimes change only happens when we make it.”
  • “Whoever put you on my team is getting a stern talking to.”
  • “Even after all the evidence I collected, you don’t believe me?”
  • “You said it was rare, but that means it’s happened before, so there must be someone else who knows about it.”
  • “Rock, paper, scissors solves everything.”
  • “I was trying really hard to listen to you, but I’m so bored.”
  • “I won’t forget this.”
  • “After a lot of confusion, I think I’ve finally figured this out.”
  • “If being honest is all I have, then so be it.”
  • “Why am I here? Why, that’s easy! You asked for a miracle, remember?”
  • “We’re already fifteen minutes into the project. Why are you trying to stop me now?”
  • “I can practically taste the disaster.”
  • “I promise you that you don’t want to stay around here for long.”
  • “If you find a way out of this, take me with you.”
  • “None of this was my idea.”
  • “You were the stone and we were the birds.”
  • “It wasn’t hopeless. Look at what you’ve accomplished.”
  • “I never minded when you were around me. Why would that change?”
  • “Hate to break it to you, but you’re turning into an alien.”
  • “Don’t you dare let go of my hand. You hear me?”
  • “Duck your head and follow me.”
  • “Thing is, if I continue to think about it, I’ll only get more anxious.”
  • “I never wanted this for you. For any of you.”
  • “Do those marks look like they were made by an animal to you?”
  • “If I had said something else, would it have made a difference?”
  • “It’s garbage night. That means we lay here and feel like trash.”
  • “Maybe if I turn the music up louder, I’ll be able to ignore it all.”
  • “I wonder if it still qualifies as a problem if it doesn’t affect you personally? Hm?”
  • “Take a look around. This is our world now.”
  • “Were you expecting the aliens to be hostile?”
  • “Let’s break the rules and take over the world.”
  • “It’s time you knew where you actually came from.”
  • “Truth be told, you’re not the first one I would have chosen for this.”
  • “If it was easy, don’t you think I would have changed already?”
  • “I’ve been dead for so long, I’ve forgotten how to live.”
  • “Making you mad is so easy. I’ve been trying to see if I could set a new record.”
  • “Why do you always assume everything is my fault?”
  • “We have a special guest. Go clean up.”
  • “Together, we can find a way.”
  • “You can call it anything, but that was love right there.”
  • “I know you’re headed in the right direction.”
  • “If I hadn’t held you back, who knew what would have happened?”
  • “I like it when you sing to me. Why’d you stop?”
  • “Can you blame me for my excitement? This is huge!”
  • “I didn’t need you to come along. You messed everything up.”
  • “What’s the interrogation for?”
  • “Can you imagine how boring an endless slide would be after the thirty minute mark?”
  • “We can make this work.”
  • “It’s like all I can ever do is make you unhappy.”
  • “You could have talked to me if you needed it.”
  • “Why would I turn you? You don’t want this life. I promise you that.”
  • “I can see the end. Hurry!”
  • “Getting lost in a maze with you was a nightmare that I can only hope to never experience again.”
  • “I don’t know if I should trust you to get us there safely.”
  • “Did you finally have enough of me?”
  • “Believe it or not, I’m actually tired of people comparing me with them.”
  • “I’m tired of you doubting me. At this point, what do I have to do to prove myself?”
  • “I don’t say it often, but I do love you. Very much so.”
  • “I like the friendship we have, but I want something more.”
  • “Well, the vision I had was pure chaos. Let’s prevent that, shall we?”
  • “I’m proud of you. That you moved on.”
  • “Contrary to popular belief, I am actually a mind reader.”
  • “I didn’t know how to ask.”
  • “I don’t want to bring you down, but sometimes I need your support.”
  • “I’m sick and tired of living here. It’s so bland and boring.”
  • “I don’t want to be alone for the vacation, so come with me. Drop everything and pack up.”
  • “I’m way too nice to do that, sorry.”
  • “You can’t pick and choose which parts of me you can fix.”
  • “There’s no reason to be so cold.”
  • “Wishful thinking is a blessing in disguise.”
  • “Look! You’re doing it! I’m so proud of you.”
  • “We got this far and it’d be a shame to turn back now.”
  • “I can’t just leave it here. It was all cold and alone. Come on, please?”
  • “You look over there and I’ll look over here.”
  • “I’ll do all the chores for two months if you do my paper for me.”
  • “I thought you liked my stories?”
  • “Can you remember how nervous you were? Now look at you!”
  • “I am glorious, admit it. Maybe it’ll rub off on you.”
  • “I wasn’t afraid. I was just… Concerned.”
  • “Your heart was in the right place. It’s the thought that counts.”
  • “I was ten minutes late. There’s no way they didn’t notice.”
  • “I’m both a lover and a fighter. I’ll take you down and then give you a kiss.”
Behind Closed Door Pt. 1 - Jeff Atkins (Requested)

Originally posted by hannah-db

Requested by @fuckkoffcourtney love the username btw haha, this will have a part 2 but it is yet to be written, sorry for not posting for the past 2 days, my depression struck and I lost myself, but I’m back, thanks everyone who had been reading my other posts and following me! You are all angels and I hope to keep pleasing you with more, so without further ado I hope you enjoy and as always thank you for reading ♡ 


A beep sounded outside my house so I quickly grabbed my backpack running outside to Zach who was waiting for me in his car, I jump in and he smiled at me before driving off to school. Usually Jeff would pick me up but he had gone to school way earlier to practice for the baseball game after school today, and although I wanted to be there for him for encouragement, I just couldn’t force myself to wake up that early.

Zach and I arrived at school, I kissed his cheek thanking him and got out smiling when I saw my boyfriend waiting for me in front of the school with open arms, I instantly ran into them, latching myself onto him as I kissed his face whispering I love yous to him. He chuckled and securely held me in his strong arms as I showered him with love, I finally stopped kissing his face and softly cupped his face to kiss him deeply, Jeff kissed back and I gasped as his hand clenched my ass, I quickly pulled away and brought my legs down remembering we were in school.

However, Jeff wasn’t very happy with the loss of contact, “Baby” he whined but I just intertwined our fingers and pull him inside school to our lockers.

Jessica stood next to mine and gave me a quick hug before asking me how was my weekend while Jeff went to greet Justin and Alex, I opened my locker to get out the books I needed for first period and smiled at the pictures covering the inside of my locker, many of them were Jeff and I but there was a few with our group.

Keep reading

11 moments that marked Sirius and Remus’s relationship (at Hogwarts)

Year 1:


Moment #1

The first time Remus Lupin talked to Sirius Black, he had wanted to slap him. He had been 11 years old, self-conscious, quiet, and had sworn to keep to himself for the entirety of his 7 school years, but he had wanted to slap him very much.

“That’s what Mother says ayway,” Sirius kept repeating in that superior, pedant tone. “She says there has never been one single person in Slytherin that isn’t completely pureblooded.”

Remus thought he saw the greasy-haired boy next to the red-head move uncomfortably on his chair, but said nothing.

“I don’t know what’s Slytherins’ mania with pureblood, personally, though,” Sirius continued. “I myself am sure I will be sorted into Gryffindor,” he smirked triunphantly.

“Whoa!” The boy with the spectacles- James Potter, Remus was almost sure- exclaimed. “Can you imagine that? The first Black to be sorted somewhere other than Slytherin. That’ll give people something to talk about.”

Remus followed the conversation from his place next to the window, biting on his tongue to avoid saying anything that might make these boys hate him before they had even set foot on Hogwarts grounds. He settled for looking out the window, rolling his eyes at every new comment the two boys made.

Sirius turned to James, his eyes sparkling. “I know, right! That’ll show my family.” A pause. “What about you, Lupin? Where do you think you’ll end up?”

Remus turned his head slowly, trying to mask his surprise at being addressed.

“I dunno,” he muttered, shrugging a little bit. He thought of adding something else, seeing the expectant looks of the other 4 people around him. He didn’t want, however, to tell them how incredibly freaked out he was, how he thought the Sorting Hat would probably just laugh (if hats could laugh) and tell him You? You thought you had a place here? How marvelous! How incredibly amusing! and just laugh and laugh and laugh until someone took it off Remus’s head so he could run out of the school and hide under a rock forever and ever.

So he just blinked and turned back to the window. He heard Sirius let out a disappointed breath, and it was a few seconds before he resumed his conversation with James. This time, however, Remus listened without rolling his eyes.

+++

Moment #2:

“Black, Sirius!”

Sirius walked up to the stool where the sorting hat rested, his heart drumming like mad inside his chest, his legs feeling like melting butter. He hid his hands under the sleeves of his robes so no one could see them shaking, and tried to muster every single piece of confidence that could possibly run into his Black blood. He brushed past Remus Lupin in the process, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He could do this.

+++

Moment #3:

“Sirius?” Remus whispered, pressing his ear against the drapes of the four-posted bed. Immediately he heard the other boy let out a shaky breath. “Sirius, I’m going to open the curtain, okay?” No response.

He pulled the drapes aside, revealing a curled-up lump on a corner of the bed. The lump- Sirius- was shaking with silent sobs. Tentatively, Remus climbed on top of the bed, putting a hand on Sirius’s arm and coaxing him to turn on his side.

Reluctantly, Sirius did, and Remus tried not to wince at the look on his friend’s face; it was tear-stained, the long-ish hair plastered to his forehead, his eyes red. Sirius sniffed. “What do you want?” he asked weakly. Remus assumed that, under any other circumstances, he would have snapped.

“Move over,” he said softly, pulling the tangled sheets from under Sirius, and getting under them when Sirius moved against the wall without objecting. Once they were settled, Sirius slowly moved to curl against Remus’s bony side. Remus didn’t move, but didn’t pull away either.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Sirius muttered. Remus turned his head slightly to look at him.

“I get them too, you know.” Sirius exhaled slowly, his breath tickling Remus’s neck. “Nightmares. I get them a lot.”

Sirius didn’t say anyting, just reached for Remus’s hand under the blankets and gave it a squeeze. They went to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night (and nights that followed).

Year 3:

Moment #4:

“I mean it, James. We need to confront him about it.”

“Sirius! For the thousandth time, he’ll tell us when he’s ready.”

Sirius scowled. “But what if he’s never ready? You can’t just expect us- he can’t just expect us- to simply sit here while he goes through excruciating pain in that horrible excuse of a shelter! We need to do something!”

James threw his hands up, losing his patience. “And what do you expect us to do, Sirius? Werewolves can’t be near humans. He’d kill us without ever realising it. What do you want us to become, animals?”

Sirius opened his mind to retort, then closed it again, realization hitting him. He smirked.

“Exactly.”

+++

Moment #5:

Remus fidgeted with the hem of the sleeves of his sweater. “Is everything okay…?” he was starting to get nervous. His hands felt cold and he was sure most of the color had drained from his face right now. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, and he took a deep breath in, playing off his dread with an awkward smile.

Sirius, James and Peter stood in front of him in their room, and looked at him directly in the eye. James seemed to be pondering, trying to read him. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to be looking for the right words to start.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed out, then cleared his throat. “Remus weknowyou’reawerewolf.”

Remus knew he hadn’t heard wrong. Sirius had spoken in one single breath, words tumbling against each other, in such an unlike-Sirius manner, that Remus, even though he knew he had heard right, couldn’t help but ask,

“What was that?”

Sirius seemed to compose himself after that. “You’re a werewolf, Remus. We know.” Remus’s whole blood drained from his brain, and all he could do was gape at his friends. Peter kept throwing worried glances at James, and James was still looking at Remus as if he were trying to read into his soul.

“I-,” Remus started. “I don’t-”

Sirius raised his hand to stop him. “It’s no use, Remus. We know. We’re sure. But-” he reaised his hand again when Remus started to deny it, and apologize, and say he would be away from their lives forever at the same time. “But we don’t care. James, Peter and I wanted to say that we don’t care that you’re a werewolf, Remus.”

There was such decision in Sirius’s voice, his tone so definite, Remus’s eyes swelled against his will. The anguish that had been building up inside him had been finally released, and he was so relieved he couldn’t help the tears that started to flood his eyes and spill down his cheeks. Embarrassed, he put his face between his hands and rubbed his cheekbones furiously.

Sirius chuckled. “You didn’t think we would be mad, did you? I mean, I was mad that you hadn’t told us so we could help, but you do realize there’s nothing wrong with you, nothing that could make us push you away, right?”

Remus barely registered what he was saying. He sniffed into his palms, trying to stop the convulsing sobs from shaking his body from head to toe. He felt James sit next to him and put his hand on his shoulder. Then he felt Sirius sit on the other side.

“Remus,” James said, speaking for the first time. “You are our best friend. Even if we’d found out you had killed someone, we would have asked you whether you had hidden the body well enough.”

At this, Remus let out a slightly hysteric laugh.

“I think he’s hysteric,” whispered Peter. Remus agreed very much.

“Remus. Rem,” Sirius said, starting to rub Remus’s back. “Everything’s going to be okay. You don’t have to go through that alone anymore.”

At this, curiosity got the best of him and Remus lifted his head to look at his friend. “Wha-” he cleared his throat. “Wh’ you mean?”

Sirius smiled his trademark smile, and Remus hiccuped.

“We have a plan.”

Year 5:

Moment #6:

“Moony! Moonymoonymoony we did it!” Remus looked up from his book to see his friends barging through the portrait hole, earning the glares of a few students. “It worked, Moony!” Sirius repeated, this time in an eager whisper so as not to attract anymore attention than they already had.

“It did?” Remus asked, closing his book and sitting up slowly. His heart, once again, was hammering wildly inside his chest.

James nodded, a huge smile spread across his face. “The three of us. We did it.”

Remus stared, realization slowly hitting him. When it did, he beamed at the three of them. He looked at each of his friends, his eyes taking in the proud smile on James’s face, the gleeful one on Peter’s, and then resting on Sirius, who looked back at him with a proud, satisfied smile, and a mischevious glint in his eyes.

“Show me,” Remus said.

They ran back through the portrait hole outside.

+++

Moment #7:

Remus and Sirius were lying on Sirius’s bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered hoarsely. Sirius felt a shiver run down his spine, that he masked by turning on his side to look at his friend. “Promise me you’ll never stop being my friend, Sirius. Nor James or Peter. I don’t want to be alone.”

Remus sometimes got like this, after a particularly bad dream. It broke Sirius’s heart every single time.

“I promise,” he said without hesitation, and he meant it. He wove his fingers through Remus’s, and rested his head on the werewolve’s shoulder. He exhaled slowly. “I promise you James and Peter and I will never leave you.”

Remus nodded his head, and rested his cheek on the top of Sirius’s head. “Thank you.”

+++

Moment #8:

Sirius hadn’t been sure what had gotten into him when he said what he said to Snape. He didn’t even really remember the moment the words had escaped his lips. If it hadn’t been for James… Sirius didn’t even want to think about that. He just steadily made his way to the hospital wing, his legs burning from running all the way from Herbology.

He opened the doors and barged in, ignoring Madame Pomfrey’s objections.

“Remus,” he said, opening the curtains around his friend’s bed, and stopped dead when he saw the state Remus was in. There were long, deep gashes on his chest and legs, and a huge bruise forming on one of his hipbones. He had black shadows under his eyes. There was also a cut running from one temple to the opposite corner of his mouth, across his nosebridge. “Remus, please-“

But Remus wasn’t looking at him. He was staring ahead, his eyes glazed, his jaw clenched. Sirius took a careful step closer, but stopped when Remus’s shoulders tensed.

“Remus you have to let me explain-“

“Save it, Sirius,” Remus said, still not looking at him. “Just fucking save it.”

“I didn’t mean it, Remus. I- I don’t know what happened-“

“Oh, you didn’t?” Remus turned to look at him, his eyes full of rage in a way Sirius had never seen them. He took a step back. “You didn’t mean it, Sirius?”

“Moony, please-“

“Don’t call me that,” Remus snapped, and Sirius felt it like a blow to his stomach. He visibly blanched. “Just,” Remus said, and suddenly he looked very tired. “Just get out, Sirius. I don’t- I don’t really feel like looking at you right now.”

Sirius gulped, trying to catch his breath. His lungs seemed to be refusing to work. Just as he was about to reply, Madame Pomfrey opened the curtains all the way.

“Mr. Black, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she looked sternly at Sirius. “Mr. Lupin is very delicate at the moment and he needs to rest. Upsetting him will not do.”

Sirius looked at Remus pleadingly, but the werewolf pointedly looked away. Sirius felt another stab at his chest, and hung his head defeated.

“Of course, ma’am.”

And without another word, he left the hospital.

+++

Moment #9:

Sirius’s eyes were tinged with red, had lately always been so. Red-rimmed and red-tinged and puffy most (if not all) of the time. At first, Remus had been secretly, not-so-guiltily pleased. He was slightly scared of this feeling, but way too angry at Sirus to really analyze it. Sirius had tried to apologize a couple of times more, but Remus refused to talk to him. The level of betrayal and indignation he felt was way too big for even himself.

He knew he wasn’t being entirely fair– 90% of him was sure Sirius had not been thinking when he said what he said to Snape. He knew Sirius’s nature; he talked without thinking, exploded way too easily, couldn’t help himself sometimes. He really shouldn’t be holding it against him.

Yet that 10%… that 10% kept nagging at him, telling him not to trust his best friend, to question it. It had been really hard to ignore that 10%, hence Remus avoiding Sirius at all costs.

But it had been two months already, and the voice had subsided, becoming just an annoying, mostly ignorable buzz in the back of his head.

“Sirius,” Remus said rigidly. He’d forgiven Sirius, sure, but he wasn’t about to let Sirius see that yet. “Let’s talk.”

Sirius had looked up from his Transfigurations homework when Remus had first said his name, and Remus had to fight the urge to throw his arms around his friend’s neck and hold him forever and tell him everything would be alright. He looked tired, he had eyes under his bags, and his eyes were eternally red. Remus’s heart clenched painfully in his chest as he realized he was responsible.

“S-“ Sirius cleared his throat. “Sure.”

Year 6:

Moment #10:

“You’re mental.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Sirius huffed. His head was resting on Remus’s chest, and Remus’s fingers were running through his hair softly. Sirius sighed pleasantly.

“Wanna know a secret, Moony?”

Remus hummed. His eyelids felt heavy, and the steady weight of Sirius’s head was making his brain start to shut down into bottomless, peaceful sleep.

“I got so scared.” Sirius whispered. Remus’s fingers stopped for a second, then kept going. Sirius took a deep breath. “That time. I know you don’t like to talk about it but… I was so scared I’d lost you forever.”

Remus was silent, didn’t know how to reply. He felt his heart pick up in his rib cage and was sure Sirius felt it too.

Sirius’s voice was barely audible when he spoke again. “I thought you would n-“ his voice breaks. Remus’s fingers clenched on Sirius’s scalp. “Never talk to me again.”

Remus took his hand off Sirius’s head and Sirius lifted his head slightly to look at him. The thin ray of moonlight made his hair and eyelashes look silver. There were tears in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t, Sirius,” Remus said softly but firmly. He put his hand against Sirius’s cheek and rubbed it ever-so-softly with his thumb. “I would never.”

Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, two thin lines of water spilling from his eyes. It was still such a rare sight to see Sirius so vulnerable like this. It made Remus’s insides twist in a painful, nearly agonizing knot.

Sirius bit back a sob, and Remus just couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled Sirius closer to him, and Sirius buried his face in the crook of his neck, letting himself cry. Remus held him, pulled him onto his lap, and cradled him. “I missed you s-so much, Rem-mus. I’m sorr-ry.”

Remus held him, kissed the top of his head repeatedly, whispered soothing words in his ear. “Sirius. It’s okay, Sirius. It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you, you know that. It’s all okay.” And there were tears flooding his eyes as well, and they were both a sobbing mess but yeah, it was all okay.

+++

Moment #11:

“Sirius, what the hell are you doing?”

Sirius turned to face Remus, a mischevious smile tugging at his lips. Then the music started to play.

“Dance with me, Moony.”

Remus froze, his eyes widened in terror. It was one of the funniest things to see Remus like this, Sirius thought. All taken by surprise.

“No way.”

“Yes way.” Sirius started to walk towards him, moving his hips in a way Remus thought should be absolutely illegal. He tugged at Remus’s hand, pulling him to himself.

“Sirius-“ Remus began, throwing his head back.

I want you to want me,” Sirius sang, and Remus’s heart fell a little bit south. He swallowed. “I need you to need me.

And they were dancing. There was something compelling about the way Sirius moved, with his hair falling on his face and his hips swaying and his chest heaving. Remus couldn’t help but move along.

When the song was over, Sirius and Remus were flushed together, Remus’s back against one of the posters of his bed. Sirius leaned in, slightly out of breath, and whispered in Remus’s ear, panting, “I’d love you to love me.”

Remus let out a puff of breath that stirred Sirius’s hair. Sirius pulled back to look at him, and his eyes fell on his lips, and before Remus could do or say or think anything, Sirius was kissing him, kissing him hard and wet and perfect. Remus made a noise in the back of his throat and kissed back, coaxing Sirius’s mouth open with his tongue, tasting cigarettes and toothpaste and Sirius. And he loved him.

((I’m gonna leave it at that because we know that afterwards everything becomes angsty and I am fUCKING TIRED of writing angst. So here, have this little thing I wrote in the course of this week.))

Blattella Germanica

Summary:  A quick fix it fic set in a nebulous future after 6.15 where Emma and Killian have been reunited. A way to reconcile the events of those episodes in a way that doesn’t retread old ground and helps better explain behavior. 

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1600+

Notes:  A belated gift for @gentlesleaze  hopefully this helps make up for some of the salt you received instead. I’m sure I’ll write you something better one day but I hope you like this blurb. 

On AO3

___________


There was something to be said for reunion sex. Explosive tangles of lips and teeth and limbs. Aggressive clawing and slapping flesh, just all consuming need, I miss you, I love you, I’m so happy you’re back. Saying with her body what she couldn’t put into words, I’m sorry spoken in the rough tug of his hair, forgive me painted in teeth along his neck, I’m with you in the rough slide and rasp of skin on skin.

Afterwards was harder. Sweat drying and breath calming and the words wouldn’t come. Goodnight whispered into her hair, slow measured breaths as he gave into exhaustion. Her ring winking mockingly in the light of the moon through the window.

“I love you.”

Keep reading

Stay

He doesn’t feel good.
He can’t breathe without coughing, and when he does, his entire body shakes when he inhales.
“You okay dude?”
They are suppose to be training hand to hand combat, so he swallows the saliva that’s fills his mouth and smiles sheepishly.
“Not enough sleep or something.” He rubs the sweat off his face to hide any evidence of a fever but you have to be blind not to see that’s Lance is really sick.
No one bothers to say anything and if Lance isn’t insecure as it is, the silence is just the cherry on top.
Training could have been better, but he managed with minor injuries, and he is still conscious with both feet planted to the ground, even if he is swaying.
Allura frowns as she watches Lance fight with himself to stay awake.
“I suggest we all get some rest.”
She’s aiming this towards Lance but she isn’t sure he is listening.
Shiro can see Allura worry, and he eases her mind with a calm hand planted on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry Allura, I’ll make sure everyone is well again.”
They share a smile before she strides to her room.
“Lance how you holding up?” The young Cuban is staring straight at his leader, but the fog in his head makes Shiro sound so far away.
He feels hazy like he hadn’t slept in days, but he knows he went to bed early, so why does he feel like this?
“I’m fine.”
Lance sounds exhausted.
The other Paladins let their eyes wander with concerned expressions on each of their face a sure sign that Lance is everything but fine.
“If you’re sure… get some rest you deserve it champ.”
The Paladins all make a move, but Keith lingers as does Lance.
“Why did you lie to Shiro? Your not fooling anyone, cause you look like shit.”
He isn’t looking for Keith’s approval but it still hurts.
Lance let’s out a cough into the crook of his arm.
Keith winces and takes a step back. He can hear the wetness, like there is liquid in his lungs.
“I don’t want him to get mad.” He chokes.
“Mad? Why would Shiro be mad that your sick?”
“If Zarkon attacks, Voltron won’t be able to make an appearance… Allura and Shiro will tell me how useless I am, and how I should take better care of myself…”
“Well they wouldn’t be wrong.”
Lance doesn’t want to have this conversation, he already feels like he’s drowning in his own mucus, he doesn’t want to talk about how he’s saving planets and other aliens, but his own body can’t save him from some space bacteria.
“Is that all you-” he coughs “-wanted to say? Are you here to lecture me about how useless I am? Cause I already know, and I don’t need Mr. Hot shot to remind me.”
It’s mean and probably out of line, but he’s irritated and tired, and the last person he wants, seeing him like this, is his rival.
“Lance..”
The boy keeps his stare locked to the floor.
“What?”
“Feel better.”
It’s meant to be sincere, because Keith is honestly concerned for the boy, but Lance just hears another impossible order.
“Si Lo que dices…” Its soft and foreign, and he can’t remember the last time he’d spoken his first language, and that breaks his heart.
“I. What did you say?”
“Si Lo Que…he sniffs and rubs the back of his hand across his face so that the tears don’t fall. "Sorry, I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep or something.”

He’s not fine.
Actually he’s far from it to be honest.
He spent most of the evening trying to get some rest, but each time he laid his on the pillow his chest would tighten and a round of wet coughs would jerk him forward.
“Dammit.”
Lance rolls out and on the floor so that and he can press his back against the edge of his bed. He lays his head back,it make him dizzy, and he can taste a pool of post nasal, drip into his mouth and run down his nose.
Coughing, he snaps forward, cautious to catch his germs in his mouth. If living in a big family has taught him anything, it’s to keep your germs to yourself.
When he isn’t coughing, he can hear a whistle pierce through his ears each time he catches his breath. The wheezing only intensifies the rattle in chest, and before he can realize what is going on, he is on all four coughing, like there is food stuck in his throat.
Saliva mixed with his own mucus slides down his face and though most of it is in his hand, some of it has fallen to the floor. It isn’t until he sees specks of red blend in his own wave of sickness that he feels his anxiety mess with his fever.
He scrambles to get to his feet, and when he does he has to hold on to a wall to keep from spinning back to the floor.
His vision is blurry, and he’s so tired cause he just wanted to sleep, but he’s sick and in space, and maybe it’s just the fever that’s frying his brain, but he doesn’t want to die from some Alien space Virus.
His first instinct is tell Shiro, if anyone can save him, he hopes it will be his hero, and his leader.
The only problem is, his room is so far away, and it make him want to cry.
Swallowing hard he just needs someone to help him before he dies, and whether it’s luck or just karma, Keith is the closest room to his.
Lance doesn’t want to cause a scene, and his own body is shaking and his fist trembles each time he is pounding in the door.
“Ke…Keith.” He whispers.
There isn’t an answer right away, and it makes Lance feel hopeless, as he is leaning against the door and slides down to his knees.
When the door finally opens he falls on his hand, albeit coughing from the shock of the door opening.
“Lance? Dude Lance are you okay.”
Lance is shaking his head.
Keith places a hand on his forehead and the other on the back of his neck , but he doesn’t need to do this to know he has a fever.
Lance is coughing, and it isn’t until he starts gagging that Keith quickly stand up to look for a trash can.
Their both out of luck, and if the heat of the fever isn’t enough to make lance feel like shit, he is absolutely embarrassed by the pool of sick he has left as gift for Keith to clean up.
It’s honestly all the excitement that Lance can handle right now, because the Cuban boy who always seemed so overly optimistic, is physically and emotionally exhausted. He lets the tears fall down his face and he doesn’t care that his rival is watching with a worried look.
“Im gonna go get Shiro. He’ll know what to do.”
Lance makes a sound and is quick to grab the pant leg of the boys’ sweatpants. The sound that Lance manages to squeeze from his throat breaks the red Paladins heart.
“Please, Lance your really sick and I don’t know what to do.”
“Stay.”
It not a full description but it’s every insecurity Lance has ever felt built into one word.
“…stay… please don’t leave me, promise you won’t leave…”
Keith drops to the floor and runs his hand through Lance’s Sweat hair.
“Lance..”
“…por favor…”
Keith doesn’t say anything, just continues to stroke the boys hair.
It isn’t until Lance falls into a restless sleep that Keith is quick on his feet and off to find Shiro.

Translate:
Si Lo que dices- yeah, whatever you say.
Por favor- please

That Would Be Enough

Request: HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY I JUST HAD THE GREATEST IDEA WHAT IF READER AND LIN WAS TOGETHER AND THEN READER GETS PREGNANT AND THEN READER IS SOO’S UNDERSTUDY SO THEN READER PERFORMS THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH AND THEN LIN STARTS CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS PERFORMANCE BECAUSE HE JUST REALIZED WHEN YOU STARTED SINGING AND ITS SUPER ADORBALE??????????? IDK

Warnings: none (that’s a lie- google translated spanish lol)

Tags: none

Time Period: modern

Notes: i’m writing this in the middle of class and i require assistance (pls save me from this hell)
_______________________________________________________________________

Keep reading

All (We) Want

So, in the Writers’ Hub we have quite the selection of opinions on when, where and if Captain Swan have ever done the deed. I took it upon myself to um… bring some of those scenarios to life.

4.4k of pure smutiness in various forms. Rated M. On ao3 HERE

Credit to @winterbythesea @ofshipsandswans @hencethebravery @dassala and @businesscasualprincess for the situations and @captainwiley and @irishswanff for the sprinting help. Did I say credit? I meant blame.

Also @killiancygnus. Because ily.


1. Neverland

He can feel the weight of her stare on the back of his neck as he turns from the helm, her regard following him as his invisible companion as he moves to go below.

She’s been sitting at the bow since sunset, the sky spreading before her like a sea of stars, but her face has never turned towards them, nor has she looked down at the glittering carpet of the ocean below. Her attention has been fixed, wholly and completely, on him.

It makes him nervous in a way he hasn’t felt in centuries - her silent perusal combined with the thrill of his newly discovered feelings leaving him quite lightheaded.

He wants her to watch him, but more than that he wants her to want.

He slips a hand into his jacket pocket in search of his flask - anything to soothe his frayed nerves - but he comes up empty.

“Lost something?” she calls, holding his flask between finger and thumb, her lip curled sardonically. “You’re not the only pirate around here.”

“You need only have asked, Swan,” he says, shuffling over with hand outstretched. To his surprise she pulls the flask back, holding it close to her chest and watching him with hooded eyes.

“Is that true?” she asks, her voice low.

“Is what true, love?” he asks, snatching for the flask and scowling slightly as she refuses to hand it over.

“That I only have to ask.”

Keep reading

Angry Ashton Smut

Request: yes/no

Are requests open: yes/no

Fandom: 5 Seconds of Summer

Word Count: 1652

Warning: Raunchy? Gifs

Masterlist

Not my gifs/pictures

——-

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out tonight?” Ashton asked me, we were currently in our room, me studying for an upcoming test and he was getting dressed for a Halloween party.

 “Ash, I told you, I have to study for this test” I told him, I didn’t even look up from the notes I was trying to copy from my friends. “But I want to see you all dressed up” he whispered. Ashton came to lie on the bed with me and he wrapped put a warm hand on the bottom of my back.

“Ashton, you’ll be late and I’ll fail” I told him, I pushed him off of me with no avail. He was obviously stronger than me, he placed a kiss to the side of my neck, I giggled at the feeling and turn my laptop away. “Come Y/N you know you want to” he told me.

 I turned to face him and put my hands on his shoulders, he pulled me closer and just as we were about to kiss, a loud honking was heard and we both jumped. “Don’t drink too much okay baby?” I asked him. Ashton looked in my eyes, gently kissed me on the lips and whispered “of course, I’ll be safe” he said.

It took 3 more minutes and a few honks from Calum, but eventually my clingy boyfriend was out the door and on his way to a Halloween party.

 Studying was going as well as you’d imagine it would, I had netflix playing in the background and studying was getting away from me.

 Y/B/F: Check instagram Y/N: Well hello to you too Y/B/F: Just do it, and don’t get too mad

 Immediately all attention was on what she said and I checked instagram. I wasn’t notified in anything, and nothing out of the ordinary was popping out.

 Y/N: What am I looking for exactly? Y/F/N: Halsey’s page

 Now I was getting worried. It was Halsey’s party that Ashton went to, and just because she said that, I was worried now.

 She posted a lot from her party, and I found the one that Y/F/N was probably talking about. It was Ashton and here, standing pretty close together and the caption was nothing but rows of hearts.

 My blood started to boil, I was never the jealous type, I mean, Ashton and I had a lot of trust. But this was crossing the line.

 Y/N: Ash?

But no answer, I waited around 30 minutes and tried again, but the same thing.

 Knowing him he probably didn’t do anything, but I was getting nervous, he usually answers within 2 minutes or less. I was letting this get to me and I just went to grab the bottle of vodka.

 “Alright Google, what can I mix with this to get me very drunk” I whispered to myself. The only thing that really popped up was to mix it with diet coke. Luckily we had some and I started to play the American Horror Story drinking game.

(I don’t condone drinking, but I also can’t stop you)

Within 2 episodes, I was already shit faced off my ass. I started checking instagram once again, and once again I saw that damned photo of Halsey with my boyfriend, fans were tagging me in it and trying to start drama between us or something.

 “Y/N?” Ashton asked as he walked through the door, his costume was all ragged and he was either drunk too or my suspicions were just confirmed. I turned my head to look at him.

 We had shared eye contact, I took a large swig of my alcoholic coke and turned back to my tv episode.

“What are you still doing up?” He asked, he came to sit with me on the couch, and he place an arm around my shoulder. I was still pissed at him, so I turned off the tv and the lamp I had on beside me and walked out of the room. Leaving him in the dark.

“Y/N/N, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked me, as I settled onto the bed. “Oh I don’t know, why don’t you just go out with Halsey again?” I asked him, my words were slurring.

 Ashton didn’t answer me, he just grabbed my drink, took a sniff of it and threw it on the carpet. “How drunk are you?” He asked calmly, but I knew he was mad. “The carpet!” I shrieked, I stood up to go get a rag but he gently pushed me on the bed, hovering over me.

“How drunk are you?” He asked again. But I wasn’t drunk enough, usually when I’m over my limit, I can’t help but get the giggles. I was just mad and I reached up to slap him, but he caught my wrist in time.

“What are you accusing me of?” “I saw Halsey’s post, you really think I’m happy about that?” I asked him, “nothing happened. I saw what she posted and I asked her to take it down before leaving. I came back for you, I always come back for you” Ashton told me.

 He pulled me close and started kissing my neck, my eyes fluttered closed but I remembered I was supposed to be mad at him. “Ashton, fuck off” I whispered, “let me show you, that you’ll always be the one I come back to” Ashton said.

May as well, let him show me how much I truly mean to him.

 Ashton grabbed my hips and lied me farther on the bed, his oversized shirt was torn off me immediately and I was left in nothing but my panties. “Such a dirty whore aren’t you” he asked me, but I was too caught up with his warm hands trailing overtop my breasts and traveling my body.

 He slapped my breast when I didn’t answer, “you love this. Tell me you love this or I swear to god I will stop” “I love this Ash. I’m your dirty little whore” I told him.

My panties were the next to go, and without any warning he plunged two thick fingers in my heat and his opposite hand rubbing harsh figure eights on my clit. “Oh my fuck” I moaned, my back was arching from the immense pleasure I was receiving. “Fu—Fuck” I kept moaning.

“Stop fucking moving” Ashton told me, his voice was rough, and my drunk state told me to just ignore him. I started letting my body move as much as it wanted to. “Alright fuck this” he said.

 He left me, and I could cry at how fast he ripped his fingers from my heat. “What are you doing?” I asked, “you need to stop moving” was all he said.

 Ashton walked to the closet, came back out with 3 belts of his. ‘How long have you owned belts?’ I thought to myself.

 “What are you doing with those?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. Instead I was tied up by my wrists with one, and my thighs were separated.

“Look how beautiful you look” He whispered. “Ash, please fuck me” I told him, “you think you deserve that? After you got drunk and accused me of cheating? You think you deserved to be fucked?” He asked, I just nodded my head furiously.

 I was so frustrated, I was basically dripping onto our sheets and I couldn’t do anything to relieve myself. “Please Ashton, I’m sorry for what I said, please, just please fuck me” I moaned.

 “This is just so pretty” he said, I noticed that he was completely naked now, and had his phone in his hand. “What are you doing?” I asked, the flash went off and he threw his phone across the room. “That’s a keeper” he said.

 Next I thing I knew, he lined his dick up to my entrance and was just running his head up and down teasing me. “I hate you so much” I whined out, I was getting sick of all his games. “I know you do, but you need to learn darling” he said.

 He leaned down to kiss me and as soon as our lips, he roughly penetrated in me. It was so much, that I arched up from the pleasure, it actually kind of hurt, but it was exciting me.

 “You like that don’t you?” Ashton said, our bodies were quickly getting sweaty from how fast he was going. “Oh my god, Ash I love it so much” I moaned out.

 Ashton leaned to capture my lips in a heated kiss once again and was massaging my breasts at his pleasure. I couldn’t do anything but enjoy this and I was absolutely living.

 It seemed with each thrust he was going deeper and deeper and eventually I started to feel my orgasm build up.

“Ash, I can’t last any longer” I moaned.

 He took that as his cue to remove his hand from my breasts and starting rubbing my clit again.

 I couldn’t even fight it anymore, my body was shaking from all the pleasure. A string of swears left my mouth as my orgasm took over my body, and Ashton made sure that I was done before he released inside of me.

 He quietly untied me and tucked my exhausted body into bed. “Ash?” I asked quietly once he joined me. “Yes Princess?” He asked, I grabbed his arm and placed it around my body. “I’m sorry for getting upset over it, I know you’d never do anything like that” I whispered.

 Tears formed at my eyes,  Ash knew how sorry I was by now. He kissed my head and grabbed me closer. “It’s alright, I know how you get when you’re drunk. I forgive you and I’ll take care of your hang over tomorrow alright?” He asked.

 I nodded my head and laid my head on his naked chest.

 At least I got some good sex out of this.

A/N: Holy shit I suck at smut, hope the two anons enjoyed it though 

 Masterlist

I’ve been pretty quiet the last couple days. This is me laying low. But this post and all the lovely comments was brought to my attention this morning and I sort of feel the need to defend myself. From shippers. and yes I’m going to be bitter. I think I’m allowed that. 

There’s a couple things I take issue with because, you see, I was in many of your shoes not even a week ago. Pretty innocently shipping with very little to no threats from antis. Antis being mad made me happy because, for the most part, their anger was empty bullshit. It made me want to ship harder. However. What myself, Jess and Lauren have received is not empty, angry anti bullshit. My last name, Lauren’s last name and my place of work were dropped into my inbox by some anonymous person with the CLEAR message that if we continued to ship the way we do, my job was going to be threatened. That is not an empty threat. Realistically, do I think my boss would care that I ship? No. Does it stop me from being absolutely terrified that this random anonymous psycho now knows my last name? Hell fucking no. The minute you know someone’s name, you know their address, their phone number, their family members names, all thanks to google. Lauren has a child with one on the way. She has a family, a life, all of which are now threatened. And why? Because she ships. I don’t wish our last couple days on anyone and certainly I don’t wish it on any other shippers but you know what? I do wonder if any of you would be doing a happy dance that antis are mad if your privacy was suddenly under attack. I also wonder if you’d be as annoyed as I am that other shippers, who I thought had our backs, were now partying and shipping even harder because the antis are mad. I don’t think you’d be super happy if the tables were turned. Their anger is now threatening real people. Lauren, Jess and I are not just blogs. 

So while all of you are so happy that the antis are mad, we are terrified. We’re scared to ship again. I’m scared to take my blog off private. I’m really paranoid. I made a separate locked twitter account so I can ship in peace without the fear of being quite literally stalked and harassed. But quite frankly shipping is the last thing I’m worried about. In my mind, this has nothing to do with “the ship.” This goes way beyond the ship. 

Are there things the three of us, as shippers, could have done differently? Maybe. Depends on who you talk to. Sam doesn’t seem to mind us tweeting him all the time. None of you seemed to mind that we were so active when he was faving our shippery tweets. Personally? I have no regrets on how I ship. I’m not afraid to speak my mind because, for the last 3 years or so, I didn’t think there was going to be any serious consequence. Which is how all of you are living your lives on this ship. Without consequence. Some part of me is really happy for you. I’m glad you can all ship without consequence, without nasty threats being dropped into your inbox (and that’s how it SHOULD be. But it’s not so here we are.) It’s really easy to “ignore” when the threats are not personal. 

The other part of me though is really sad. I’m sad, I’m frustrated as hell, I’m annoyed, I’m angry and I’m resentful. Partly because I can’t ship the way you guys get to and I miss it. I want to be able to. But also because, somehow through no fault of our own, Lauren, Jess and I have big red targets on our backs. Everything we do is screen capped and analyzed and ridiculed. Everything. Don’t believe me? Go take a gander at some of the more well known “anti” blogs. Just yesterday I was having my name smeared all over one of them for something I had no part in or knowledge of. And before this happened, I was able to laugh at it because it was just so ridiculous but suddenly none of it seems super funny to me. So while all of you get to ship and enjoy and have fun, we have to make a choice. We have to make a choice about whether or not we even want to continue with our blogs. Whether or not this ship, which used to be a happy place for all of us, is worth continued threats, continued harassment, continued bullying, continued screen capping etc. Potentially more doxxing. Spoiler alert: it’s 100% not worth that. Because if we decide to leave, antis are not going away. They’ll just choose new targets. 

I’m not looking for pity with this post so please don’t try it. But I am looking for a bit of understanding, a little less “stay strong” and “just ignore and keep shipping” and a LOT less “YAY ANTIS ARE MAD TIME TO PARTYYY!!!!”

Domestic Bliss - Okieriete Onaodowan x Reader

Summary: Based on this post. Small vignettes of feelings of happiness wrapped in domesticity in the home of two people who love each other very much. 

Words: 2,189

Warnings: A couple swear words. 

A/N: I’ve finally accomplished every day of the Write-A-Thon! (No one mention how long it took, I hate myself too) I’m really excited for this because Day 7: #WriteForOak2k17 was my doing and there is always room to appreciate my sunshine boy. By the way, there are a couple songs mentioned in this one. I’ll link them in the text. Enjoy!


“I think I’m sort of drunk.”

“You’re not drunk, Oak.”

“No, really. I think I am.”

“Prove it.”

“I actually like this shitty music.”

Keep reading

Based on this post and written for @lizardliz100 


Alex thought getting a new toaster would be simple - get in, grab the cheapest one and leave but Kara had insisted on coming along, which was fine except that Kara had then spent the whole morning giggling over text messages from Lena. Then Kara had started rambling about what a good eye Lena had and to shut her up Alex relented and told her to invite Lena along. 

As usual Lena turned up looking like a model in that fancy maroon coat, black heels and a simple black dress which resulted in Kara spending several minutes gawking at her girlfriend, stuttering over words and proceeding to kiss like no one was around. Alex coughed twice and then settled for smacking the back of Kara’s head to get her attention, she received a Kara pout and a Lena smirk and with a roll of her eyes she led the way. 

Alex stayed ahead most of the way, smiling to herself as Kara asked Lena about her day and though she would never admit it she loved how excited Kara got when she talked to her girlfriend. She’d never seen her sister so animated and so bubbly and she was secretly glad that Lena was the one to bring the sunshine parts of Kara’s personality back out. She sent Maggie a few texts, updating her about how gross Kara and Lena were being, looking back up she heard Kara’s voice getting louder.

“I can be smooth!”

Alex can tell Lena is smirking when she responds.

“Of course you can darling. I’m just saying that naturally I am better at flirting.”

Kara gasps and moments later Kara is stomping off infront as Lena walks alongside Alex, both shaking their heads at Kara’s antics.


Kara was still pouting when they arrived at the Home Depot, refusing to even look at Lena as they turned onto the aisle with the kitchen appliances. 

“Kara darling please,” Lena’s tone is soft and Alex can see Kara relaxing despite her pretending to be mad. 

Still Kara remains silent and so Lena turns to Alex and plucks the toaster from her hands, ignoring her protests as she turns back to Kara with a coy smile.

“Quick! The toaster is burning…just like my desire for you.”

Alex fights the urge to vomit at how bad that was, expecting to see a disapproving look on her sister’s face but instead Kara grins and giggles like a little child blushing violently as Lena gives her a victorious grin in response before handing the toaster back to Alex turning back in time to see Kara dashing off, returning seconds later with a Fondue machine in her arms.

“Hey Lena! I am fondue of you!”

Kara looks so pleased with herself, her eyes twinkling as excitement radiates off of her. Alex has seen that look in her eye and she knows what it means, it means she’s not leaving the store any time soon.

“Alright, well let’s get go and-” Alex starts to say, immediately getting cut off by Lena’s voice.

“That was very cute Kara but I can do better.” 

The way Lena’s eyebrow quirks in challenge and how Kara stands up - puffing her chest out, eyes full of steely determination and Alex groans knowing that Lena just fired Kara’s competitiveness to the limit. Before she can voice any more protests Kara is zooming off with Lena hot on her heels. So instead of leaving like Alex had planned she has to deal with their terrible attempts at flirting whilst holding random household appliances.

“Your beauty blinds me” 

“I think I should fan myself - you’re too hot!”

Alex’s grumblings are ignored and Kara actually shoves her aside in favour of holding a leaf blower just so she can tell Lena that “she blows her away”.

….

“Half an hour Maggie! They have been going back and forth for half an hour!” Alex whisper-yells into the phone, groaning when Maggie cackles in response.

“It’s not funny!”

“it’s fricking hilarious, hold me closer to them I want to hear this.”

She does as Maggie asks, having to bite her lip to stifle her own laughter as she takes in the sight of Lena sidling up to Kara with a handful of wall hooks. 

“Kara Danvers you’ve officially got me hooked on your love.”

“That was terrible Lee.” 

Alex thinks it might be the first time she’s seen Lena pouting as she grumpily tells Kara to “see if she can do any better.”

Kara’s response is equally as corny, “You have the key to my heart!” she says as she holds a door handle with a lock infront of her chest.

Alex has to turn away when Lena gives Kara a kiss for that one, bringing the phone back up to ear as the sound of Maggie laughing gets louder.

“This is so much better than paperwork,” Alex can’t help but laugh too when Maggie struggles to get the words out from laughing too much.

…..

“Guys come on!” Alex throws her hands up as she raises her voice for what feels like the hundredth time. Once again being cut off this time by Lena’s voice and the image of her thrusting a candle infront of Kara’s face.

“No one holds a candle to you my darling.”

Alex mutters under her breath, she’s getting so close to punching one or both of them when Kara grabs a french ornament turning back to Lena with a flirty smile.

“Oh yeah? Well I Eiffel for you more and more each day.”

“ENOUGH! We need to leave before the damn store closes!”

Alex yelling causes both of them to turn around with matching sheepish expressions. She lets out a sigh of relief when they both put back the items in their hands and they start walking down the last aisle before they reach the till. Alex thinks she’s safe but then Kara is giggling and Lena is smirking and the two are running off like little kids. 

Alex sees a Home Depot employee approaching and she wants nothing more than to be free of these dorky idiots. Watching as Kara returns carrying far too many light-bulbs.

“Hey Lena, you light up my world!”

Lena speaks, holding two buckets of paint as she does, “well you give colour to my life!”

Neither are paying attention when Alex turns to the employee with a defeated sigh, “they’ve been at it for hours, we only came to buy a toaster.”

When they finally leave the store Alex can hear the two of them arguing over whose pick-up lines were the best. She is walking ahead thinking the next time she needs to buy something she’s just going to order it online.

fuckboiii ! BAM BAM

-fucking triggers everyone

-thinks he has everyone wrapped around his pinky

- would read a texts and then text the person back two weeks later

- shows off his abs ALL THE TIME

-thinks he’s the best @ everything when he looks like a little piece of shit 

- HE wOULD LET HIS HAIR STICK TO HIS FOREHEAD WHEN HE SWEATS so HE CAN SILK IT BACK AND WINK AT THE GIRLS

-would play with girl’s emotions

- GOT EVERYONE ALL THE WAY FUCKED UP

-knows all the fuckboii dance moves

- WOULD LICK HIS ICE CREAM SLOWLY AND MAKING GIRLS MELT AND SHIT

- best friends with Yoongi

- Hates Jackson and Jaebum

- he’s best friend with his gym teacher

- but has beef with his english teacher

- dick in pussic

- “NO BREAST NO SEX”

- says “gang shit gang shit” a lot

- he would come to school with a cut up lip and bruises on his face and body

- HE FITeS EVERYTHING

- is aesthetic pleasing

- he usually starts fites

- HE STILLS LOOK LIKE A FINE PIECE OF GRIL CHEESE

- also he loves grill cheese

- like he would marry some

-he’s lowkey a boss of his school room

-turns into some tokyo ghoul shit when he fighting

- like he has this mask with blood and little hooks on them 

- loves scary movies

- hates chick flicks 

- has a new pair of fuckboii shoes the everyday 

- is a cocky shit

- poses at times cause he knows girls be taking pictures

- makes shitty muscal.ys

- “ hold up, i gotta makes a musical.y of that song”

-he a sc freak

- snapchats everything and i mean everything

- taking a shit

- sleeping 

- eating

- fighting 

- dancing

- breathing 

- blinking

- started a youtube on being “hot” 

- had a lot OF SUBS

- that’s how he came across your page

- stalked the fuck out of your intagram 

- likes one of your pictures from 1941389035 weeks ago

- you did the same

- SLIDES IN DEM DMS

- jokes and light flirting

- sc LOVERS

-lol Nah son 

- BAMBAM ENDED IN THE FRIENDZONE

- you two would make videos together

- your fan shipping you two 

- LOL MAKING A VIDEOS AND REACTING FAN FICTIONS

- you would bring up his ugly ass musical.ys all the time to embarrass him

- he would call you just to fight you 

- you would call him bamba when you want something

- you would call him tree legs when you mad at him

- a year went by

- bambam  in love ya with your cute ass

- he would call you all the time

- “kiss me through the phone baby “

- “Ew”

- you two facetiming everywhere

- in the bathroom

- in the hospital

- at school

- you two slapping each other

- you two basically own each other

- like he gets mad jealous when you talk about your friend namjoon

- or any male 

- you coming to korean to kick it with him when it was his birthday

- you meeting his best friend

- “ oh you’re the chick that bam-”

- you two went drinking and shit

- got hella drunk 

- saw a side you’ve never seen in your life

- he was hella cute yet annoying

- he took you to the beach

- you two drank, listen to songs on soundcloud 

- you two would be wrapped int each other’s body for heat cause of the rash weather 

- you turned your head ans gave him the smile he fell so deeply in love with and said

-” happy birthday bamba”

- he grabbed into your chin and gave you a deep, passion kiss 

-” you know you’re my baby”

- you dashi run run

- you leave the dam country

- bambam crying 

- more crying like a bitch

- deletes his musical.y

-  you not calling him for like 2 weeks

- stalks your social media 

- bambam couldnt take it

- flies all the way TO YOUR COUNTRY

- HE KNOCKED ON EVERY DOOR AT YOUR APARTMENT UNTIL HE FOUND YOURS

- he had tears slipping from his eyes, letting them trickle down his puffy cheeks and slide right off his chin. his dusty bags feel from his hands, letting them fall with aloud thump, as he bangs his knocks shakily. losing hope in what was he was doing. Yet his surprise he found you, there, wearing your favorite hello kitty pj and your beautiful hair was a mess as usual.

- “ bambam what are-”

-bamba fell onto his knees as let himself break. He let his throat break out into loud screams of relief. he let his tears flow become heavier. He let himself become a mess in front you because he knew he could.

- he looked up at you before saying

- “ i know we’ve been friends for over a year now but the first time i met you i knew i didnt want to become your friend. The moment i saw the light in your eyes, i was under a spell and i found myself finding everything about you so lovable and i was scared. I was so fucking scared, i was scared you were going to notice one day how fucked up i am. I was scared that you were going to get sick of me and leave me. I was scared that you were going to disappear into thin air. I was scared that i-”

- you grabbed onto his chin and gave him a kiss 

-” i love you so shut up”

- WOAHS DATING

-going on dates everyday

- different places every time

- he would make you call him sugar daddi when he buys you everysyhhh

- you making jokes about his abs and calling them little ants cause they so small you cant see them

-kissing everywhere

- in the shower

- while taking shits

- at school

- at the mall

- while drinking soap

- the guys hating your relationship cause it so fluffy

- he would punch you in the face when he sleeps

- you two would share jeans CAUSE HE FITS THEM SOME HOW

-you stalking all his clothes cause they better than yours

-eating his food

- he would make meme and ugly videos and post them on your youtube 

- you two become this aesthetic looking couple AND EVERYONE LOVES IT

-you two become models

- HOT ASS COUPLE

- love this love that

- Bambam is just a puppy in love

Originally posted by chattyang


A:N: OKAY SO HI AND BYE

William Nylander - Part 3

Tumblr won’t let me add a picture and I’m kinda pissed…. JK fixed it 

I wake in the morning feeling like train wreck. When I stumble into the bathroom I’m surprised to see that I can see out of both of my eyes, though one is completely black and purple. The swelling has seemed to go down quite a bit from when I went to bed and I breathe a sigh of relief. Not that I have anyone to look good for, but I don’t exactly want to be scared to look in the mirror every day.

               Letting the hot water from my shower wash off the remaining dried blood and I’ll admit, a few tears from last night. Nathan had been all over me like a mother hen, insisting that he stay the night in case something happened and when I in turn asked him what he thought could possibly happen he couldn’t think of a scenario. So Rian has shooed both him and Jake off before they could even walk inside the front door. She had been able to convince me to stay at my parent’s house with her, saying that she wanted to keep an eye on me but I really knew it was because she didn’t like staying in the house on her own. Our parents weren’t due to come home from their anniversary cruise until next week Monday and it was only Wednesday.

               I dress myself, careful when I pull my shirt on to not rip my stitches and make my way downstairs. Rian is already up and about to go out the door to head to school.

               “I was going to wake you, but thought better,” she says and eyes my face. “Balance the black on your other eye and you could make a good living as a hooker.” She smirks at me.

               I throw her a filthy look. “Don’t you have to be somewhere?” I huff back at her, making my way into the kitchen.

               “Yes, actually. But I wanted to see your face when I tell you this,” she says following after me and I frown at her.

               “Tell me what?” I ask slowly.

               “That you’re an internet meme now,” she looks overly happy and I tense.

               “What?” I ask, my voice much louder than I intended.

               “Someone at the game took a picture of the jumbrotron and you giving a thumbs up with a mangled face. Now people are posting those pictures with the clinche caption of how tough hockey fans are and all that,” she rolls her eyes and I relax.

               “Oh, then that’s not so bad,” I say and dig through the cupboards for something to eat.

               “You also might want to check your phone,” Rian adds, a devilish grin on her face when I turn to look at her. “See you later,” she says and skips out the door.

               I stare after her a moment and then make a mad dash to my coat hanging in the hallway where my phone is still resting. Swiping the screen on my stomach drops, there’s over five hundred notifications from all my social media apps and text messages.

               “How can people possibly know who I am? I got hit in the face with a puck!” I yell out loud into the empty house. Groaning, I start going through the follow requests and mentions, getting annoyed after thirty seconds and just changing my settings to that anyone can follow me instead. That takes away over three hundred of the notifications.

               Scrolling through the messages I ignore most of them from people I haven’t talked to in months. Both Jake and Nathan texted me this morning asking how I feel and I respond to them and them only. None of my friends that don’t watch hockey haven’t said a single thing to me so I know that it’s not as big a deal as Rian made it sound like.

               I mute my phone and get set on my bowl of cereal and think about what I’m going to do today. Working as an editor for a publishing company, I’m able to work from home most days and today will be no different. Cleaning up after myself I get my car keys and head back to my apartment downtown. I keep my hat down low on my head when I sneak into my favorite coffee shop and no one gives me a second glance. I hurry across the street to my apartment and breathe a sigh of relief when I get into the elevator.

               Kota is waiting for me at the door, meowing like she’s been starved to death. I fill her bowl that wasn’t even empty while she preys on my foot, thinking she’s the almighty queen of the apartment. I force myself to walk into my home office, the stack of manuscripts on my desk is intimidating and I grimace as I sit down and pull on my glasses carefully. Before the headache can even have a chance to start, I reach into the desk drawer and down a few pain meds. Always good to be prepared.

               Four hours later a ding on my phone nearly makes me fall out of my seat. I place the highlighter and pen on to the desk beside the thriller manuscript I had been pouring over all morning, yellow and red marks all over the sheet glare up at me. Picking up my phone I see a message from Rian.

               Half day today. Ready for pizza?

               I glance at the clock and cringe at the time.

               Give me fifteen minutes

               Another manuscript get the better of you?

               Always

               See you in a few

               Kk

               I scramble from my chair, Kota startles and sprints across the room sending toys and papers alike scattering across the floor. Giggling, I make my way into my room and strip down from my comfy clothes and into something that makes me look a little less homeless. I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and groan.

Having forgotten the black eye and angry red stitches, I reach for another ball cap and pull the bill down as far as I can. It doesn’t help much but I don’t dare to even try and put makeup over it. Maybe we can get a table in the back corner.

               I meet Rian in the parking lot and to my dismay the place looks packed.

               “Why are there so many people here? Don’t they have jobs?” I grumble and Rian laughs.

               “You have a job and you’re here,” she smirks at me, her eyes traveling to my bruised cheek. “Not gonna lie, you look pretty badass in your whole ensemble.” She gestures with her hands to the rest of my outfit and I realize that I put on all black, even my coat. “I’m loving the whole dark energy thing.”

               I roll my eyes at her and push her through the front door. While there are a lot of cars in the parking lot, there are still several empty tables and I’m grateful when the hostess leads us to one in a secluded corner. I pick up the menu although I don’t know why, I get the same thing every time I’m here. Rian does the same thing and we laugh at each other.

               “Remember when dad used to take us here when mom would go out of town. Literally every night she was gone this was our dinner,” she smiles down at her menu, tracing the restaurants logo that sits in the top right corner.  

               “Yeah, I do,” I smile as the memories as well. “Carson and Logan annoying us to death with their spit ball wars.”

               “I miss them, I hate that their camp is two weeks long. When I went it was only a week,” she pouts and I have to laugh.

               “I thought the same thing when you went, they will be back soon. And then you’ll be calling me begging to come over so you can get away from the twelve year old devils,” I say and she nods.

               “True, but I still miss them. The house feels so empty without them and mom and dad gone. I might go insane before Monday,” she replies, tracing her finger along the condensation on her glass of lemonade.

               “See, when I was home alone like you, I loved it. No one to annoy me or take my things without asking.” Rian scowls at me for that one. “It was nice, but I loved it even more when you all came home,” I add and wink at her, she softens her scowl.

               “I guess that’s the difference between you and I. You’re Miss. Independent and I’m the exact opposite. I don’t think I could live alone like you do, work at home like you do… I wouldn’t be able to function.”

               “I have Kota,” I argue and she gives me a look. “Hey! She’s a person too, just because she can’t talk doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings.”

               “Oh my God, my sister is already a crazy cat lady,” Rian says, rubbing her face with her hands and I roll my eyes. Her eyes dart to the side of me and widen slightly.

               “What are you looking at?” I ask her, preparing to turn around when she shakes her head.

               “Nothing, thought for a moment I left my straightener on at home,” she says, busying herself with her lemonade.

               I eye her blonde locks, perfect spiral curls going every direction. “Funny your straightener would be on when you wouldn’t have used it.” I quirk an eyebrow at her as her cheeks flush. Lucky for her, the waitress arrives again to take our order.

               After the waitress leaves I forget about the straightener and excuse myself to the bathroom. I keep my head low as I pass by the booths and tables, both when I head towards the bathroom and when I’m returning. I glance up to make sure I’m in the right line of booths when I notice that Rian traded seats with me.

               “What are you doing?” I ask her, pausing at the side of the table and eyeing her.

               “I wanted to watch the T.V,” she says nonchalantly, sipping her beverage though she never looks at me.

               I sit down slowly, still eyeing her. “You don’t like UFC fighting…” I say and she blushes again.

               “Well then maybe I thought you would enjoy the view sitting there,” she whispers, a smirk playing on her lips as she glances down from the T.V for only a second.

               “What are you talking about?” I ask and lift my eyes to gaze around, I don’t see a single T.V and the decorations are just that, decorations. It isn’t until I lower my eyes to the large table beside us do I realize what she meant. Oh God. I pull the hat down even lower and drop my eyes back to my empty plate. “Rian, switch back with me,” I plead in a whisper.

               “Nope,” Rian responds, not bothering to look down from the T.V again. “I’m good here.”

               “Rian, I swear to God if you don’t switch with me right now-“

               “What? What are you going to do?”

               I hesitate. “Cry.”

               Rian snorts a laugh. “No you won’t, I haven’t seen you cry since we watched Marley and Me six years ago.”

               I pout and dare to peek up at the table to my left. Big mistake. My eyes meet those blue ones again and I shiver. A smile flashes across his face before he looks back at one of his teammates.

               “So, what did you see?” Rian asks, trying and failing to keep the smile off her face and I aim a nice kick to the shins under the table. She jerks in her seat, hitting the table with her arm and causing the whole thing to tremble. Another mistake. I can feel the eyes of the table beside us.

               “God, I hate when you do that!” She snaps, rubbing her leg with her hand and glaring at me.

               I give her my biggest smile and flutter my eyelashes. “Do what?” I ask.

               Rian throws another look my way before our waitress returns with our pizza. All fighting is set aside as we devour the pizza with our eyes, still too warm to eat.

               We each have four slices a piece and I lean back in my seat when I finally gulp down my last bite. I let out a satisfied sigh and wish nothing more than to take a nap right there.

               I open my eyes to say something to Rian but my attention is caught once again to the other table. Will is immersed in the plate before him, shoveling food into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in a week. A faint smile pulls at my lips I continue to watch him, he doesn’t seem to notice until an arm nudges his side and when I look over at who the arm belongs to, I meet the eyes of another player, Morgan Rielly. He nods at me before I can look away and when Will looks in my direction I flush crimson and stare at my glass. Mortified.

               “I think I’m going to go the bathroom,” Rian says, oblivious to what just happened and I give her panicked look.

               “What? No, don’t leave me here alone!” I whisper quickly and she looks at me like I’m crazy.

               “You’ll be fine,” she says and slides out of her booth.

               “Rian, no!” I say, willing her to sit back down. She gives me one last confused look and walks past me towards the other side of the restaurant where the bathrooms are. “I have no sister!” I whisper and I think I see a faint hint of a smile before she’s out of my view.

               Turning back in my seat so I’m once again facing my empty plate, I try very hard to regulate my breathing. I can hear the faint conversation of the boys at the next table and I reach for my phone. My only distraction. I scroll for a moment until I feel the gaze to my left again. Pressing my lips together I tense, I can just barely see him to the side, my eyes still focused on the screen though I’m not reading a single thing. I see him stand slowly and say something to Morgan.

               Oh no. Please no. Will takes a step towards me and I stop breathing. I keep my eyes down even when he reaches the side of my table, his gaze hot on my face and I know I’m the color of the cherry red booth I’m sitting on.

               “Mind if I sit for a moment?” Will asks and I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. I can’t even look at him. Instead I slowly nod my head and put my phone down on the table.

               He moves into the booth and my eyes go his hands folded in front of him on the table.

               “How’s the head?” He asks and finally I’m able to look up.

               “It’s okay,” I answer, searching his face for the other question that he seems to be holding back on.

               “Good, it doesn’t look too bad,” he says, his eyes trailing up and down the side of my face.

               “Too bad?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

               “I didn’t mean it like that!” He says hurriedly. “I mean that I figured your eye would be pretty much swollen shut is all.” Will smiles at me and I just stare back.

               “What are you doing here?” I ask him after a moment and he frowns. “Didn’t think pizza was exactly the meal a hockey player has the night before a game.”

               Will’s eyes dart back and forth between mine, fumbling for an answer. “Because you said you would be here.” He says finally and I’m floored by his honesty.

               “What?” I stammer.

               “You asked your sister last night if you could come here today,” he says slowly and I remember the elevator ride.

               “So… you wanted to check up on me?” I ask, raising an eyebrow and he blushes. I hate how adorable it looks.

               “Maybe.” Is all he says and we sit in silence for another few seconds.

               “And that was it?” I ask again, pulling my glass closer to me and trailing my fingers along the lip slowly, concentrating on the shapes instead of his face.

               He watches for another few seconds, not looking up at me when he answers. “Maybe not.”

               “So, what else could there possibly be?”

               He hesitates again and fidgets slightly in his seat. I make him nervous. “I kinda wanted to make it up to you, somehow,” he finally says and I halt my finger on my glass, my eyes flashing to his.

               “What?” I ask dumbly.

               “What can I do to make it up to you?” He asks and his blue eyes overwhelm my own and I have no idea what to say.

               “Tell you what,” he says after a beat. “I’ll give you my number, and when you think of something. You let me know.” Without waiting for a response, he reaches across the table and grabs my phone. When he sees that he needs a passcode to unlock it, he reaches back across for my hand. He gently slides my hand across the table, pressing my thumb to the home button and I let him. Will opens my contacts and adds his own in before sliding it back across the table to me.

               “Hopefully you let me know sooner rather than later,” he whispers, slowly sliding out of the booth just as my sister reappears in the corner of my eye. Will smiles at her and nods before flashing his eyes back to me, winking before he turns and returns to his own table where several of his teammates are staring.

               I blink several times and finally let out the breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. Rian sits back down across from me, pressing her lips together.

               “So, what did I miss?” She asks after a moment and I laugh.

               “Not much.”

The most recent TA post by Ayu

Translated by Kelvin from AyuFreak

By the end of last year, I have tried my best to hide the fact that my knee’s condition has worsened for the whole of 6 years. Till today, I have not shared this issue to my family or even my best friends. My personality of sharing to everyone after I have made my decision and that after all, it is my issue, has never changed since last year. I have decided and wanted to say on last year’s CDL “After this year’s CDL, I will go for the operation and go for rehabilitation and quietly go back to my new stages.” I rushed to make appointments with the hospital and went back to welcome the year of 2017 with everyone after deciding on the operation date. I was so stupid to think that I can relax after the operation. After that, the pain that I have been living with everyday is not something that I can describe in a word or two, so I do not plan to describe it in detail. After a few months, I am still passing the day by feeling my knees. However, I know that it is not the right way as if I want to say why, it is related to me leaving this stage.

Furthermore, during my tour, my ear worsened. Due to the rupture of my semicircular canal, I suddenly lost my balance. Sometimes, I can not even walk in a straight line. After that, although I managed to walk in a straight line, somehow I will stumble and fall. In general, it seems like as if I am performing in a drunken world. I have tried to vomit a few times in the studio’s restroom. But, I always say to myself “I will not lose to you” and try to face it. Due to the face that I had a sudden heart pain, I went to get a check up on my ear. “Because I have lost my hearings on my left ear, I have been relying on my right ear. And your right ear has also worsened.” Although I was still smiling like as usual after hearing the result, my mind went blank on my way back home after the check up. “Eh, both ear? Am i still considered a singer?” was all on my mind

In the middle of the Yokohama arena, someone contacted me through Line. This is what he/she wrote “Because of the existence of love, it seems that you do not lose your temper easily. Because of your genuity, let’s work hard one more time! we are the same like everybody, no matter who they are, I just want to stand in the middle of your stage that you made!” This word is like a slap to my face, made me wake up in an instant. This is not a responsibility, or a job. I want to get back to the Hamasaki Ayumi that everyone familiarize with.

to me, the stage is my everything.
This stage is the place where I survived.
Other than this, I cannot imagine where I can survive.
This is not the time where I think what my future holds.
Even if I lose my hearings, I will try to hear.
Even if I can’t walk, I will try to walk.
Thank you so much but I do not need your sympathy and compassions!
Even till to the end of the limit, I will go forward to my goals with my heads up high!


Edit: The update in English written by Ayu

Dear TA(^_-)-☆ 

 I’d like to talk about some things Tsuriko mentioned in her report on the tour website. She had to choose her words carefully as it’s a public site, but here I can be more direct.

At the end of last year, my kneecap finally gave out after 6 years of problems. I decided to have it operated on as soon as the Countdown Live concerts were over, then undergo rehabilitation during the time off, and return to the stage later in the year without making things public until later on. I’ve always preferred to keep things like this to myself, and this was no exception. Hospital appointments were made, and a date set for the operation. I saw the New Year in happily, and the operation took place without incident.

Foolishly, I allowed myself to relax at that point.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about the last few months, but suffice it to say that I’m still learning to live with my knee, day in day out. In all honestly I should probably stop performing on stage as I do, but that isn’t something I am prepared to contemplate.

Just before this year’s tour began I received a second blow - my hearing started to deteriorate further. My semicircular canals had blown, and I was experiencing crippling dizziness. I wasn’t able to walk in a straight line, and was often reduced to vomiting in the restroom at the rehearsal studio. I tried to put a brace face on things, but was told after various hearing tests that my right ear (which had been working overtime to compensate for my deaf left ear) was weakening fast. I don’t have a clear memory of my journey home after that. I just remember wondering how I, as a singer, would cope with two useless ears. Other than that, I was in darkness.

I’ve written a lot, but let me finish with this.

A certain somebody sent me a message on LINE at Yokohama Arena. It read as follows:

“You’re the real deal, so pull yourself together! It makes us mad because we care about you. We all - every last one of us - want to be a part of your show!”

It was a slap in the face, but it brought me to my senses. Not out of any sense of responsibility or duty; but on a much deeper level, I managed to find myself. That night, I found my way back to being Ayumi Hamasaki.

The stage is where I belong. It’s the only place I really, truly exist. I don’t know anything else. There’s no point in worrying about what lies ahead. I will keep listening, even if I can’t hear. I will keep moving, evening if I can’t move. I’m not looking for sympathy or pity. I will hold my head high and keep going forward until my last breath.

Next is Yoyogi! I’m looking forward to seeing your smiles

ayu

Nemesis Mine

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11. Simon.

This is the worst fight Basilton and I have ever had.

It couldn’t have come at a worse time. Baz didn’t come back to the room last night and I haven’t seen him all day. I’m worried that something’s happened to him. Either that, or he’s seriously mad at me, and I don’t know what I did.

I think my wing might be broken. It hurts when I move it. On top of that, I can feel a black eye forming, my head is pounding like hell, and my entire body feels sore. I’m bleeding in at least three places.

I can’t fly home, and the wing hurts too much, so I transform back into my normal form and catch a taxi back to Watford. The driver looks concerned and suggests that we detour by the hospital, but I insist on going straight home.

I’ll be fine. I heal quickly. It’ll just hurt for a day or two. I haven’t been this badly hurt before, but Baz always helps me. I’ll have to come up with some explanation. (I don’t want to lie to him. Not again.)

I trudge up the stairs to our room, wincing in pain with every step. When I open the door, I find Baz sitting at his desk and breathe a sigh of relief. The door swings shut behind me with a thud that reverberates loudly through my head.

I groan, taking two steps into the room and collapsing on my bed. The impact sends fresh pain through my body.

‘Fuck, everything hurts,’ I whimper into my pillow. I’m met with silence, and after I wait for half a minute and nothing happens, I turn my head to look at Baz. He’s still at his desk, and he looks like he’s reading his textbook.

‘Baz?’

He ignores me completely.

‘Baz, please,’ I say. ‘Talk to me.’

There’s no response. My headache is getting worse, and I start seeing spots.

‘What did I do…’ I whisper, seconds before I pass out.

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Zach Weresnki #3 - Height Differences

Anon asked: Hi! Not sure if requests are open but if they are could you write a zach werenski imagine pls? Sorry if I requested this already but could you write where he makes fun of your height and like compares your hand sizes? Just really cute and fluffy!! Thank you :)

Yes anon here you go! I must confess though that I am a certified tall person (I am 6′0″) but I have a friend a foot shorter who confirmed that high counters and high shelves are a struggle. I hope you enjoy this super cute, cookie induced sweetness overload!


It was not your fault you were barely 5’3” you had to remind your boyfriend for what seemed like the thousandth time. You had been visiting his apartment and decided you wanted to put his barely used oven to good use. Simple chocolate chip cookies seemed like a safe bet but unfortunately for you the chocolate chips were on the top shelf and your boyfriend was currently out picking up dinner. Even if he had been here it would have only resulted in teasing. The rest of the dough had been mixed and you wanted to get them into the oven so they’d be done by dinner but you were currently at a metaphorical road block. Zach who was 6’2” had no need for a step stool so you opted to climb the narrow counters. Your clumsy nature mixed with the socks you were wearing on the granite could only end in a disaster.  

Just as your fingers brushed the chocolate bag the front door opened and Zach called out for you. The sudden noise startled you and you accidentally kicked the dough bowl onto the ground. Zach came into the kitchen to inspect the noise and instead found you clutching the cabinet door tightly in an attempt to regain your balance. He dropped the takeout bags onto the floor and clutched his stomach as he doubled over in laughter.

“Zach,” you heard yourself nearly whine, “don’t be rude.”

The laughter brought tears to his eyes which he wiped away with shaking hands. Next thing you knew he was taking a photo of you clutching on the cabinet for dear life and the spilled dessert.

“Babe what should I caption this for Instagram?”

“Zach help me down you jerk.”

He thought for a moment, “no, not catchy enough.”

He typed something out quickly and pocketed his phone before coming over to you.

He looked up at you, “well this is new.”

“What?” you asked impatiently.

“I’m looking up at you for once. How’s the view up there?”

You crossed your arms and gave him a disapproving look.

“Is that what it’s always like for you? Is this how you see me?” he continued.

“That’s it, I’m getting down myself.”

As you tried to lower yourself into a seated position your left foot slipped out from under you and you accidentally kicked Zach in the stomach.

He groaned in pain and you couldn’t help but remark, “karma’s a bitch huh?”

“I’ll give you that one,” he wheezed out.

Once you were safely on the ground you went to clean up the ruined dough. When the floor had been cleaned you turned to start mixing up another batch. You felt a pair of arms snake around your waist and your lug of a boyfriend draped himself over you.

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