how is this man even a teacher

shibolet3  asked:

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

4

@cheshirerabit said: Shit, your teacher Bakugou idea is something I never considered but now think would be really cool. Cuz he would not stop being a hero but he wouldn’t half-ass being a teacher so it would be like how All Might attempted to hero and teach but could actually work. Plus, I’m all for Bakugou’s role model switching with time to Aizawa. 10/10 idea.

Anon said: OMG Fran now i want to see Teacher or Older Bakugou or or Bakugou with Aizawa

Bless both of you for giving me a reason to talk about this cause honestly I love this idea way more than striktly necessary - this!!! is how I like to think it would go down:

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How can someone make Naruto bitch about Tsunade for “not doing her job properly”, she took this ruined ass village and rebuild it,was the head of the hospital and saved many people lives while she was training Sakura.

You remove a woman that did so much,from the hokage title and you put Kakashi? Why? Because Obito told so? And he does nothing? He’s just warming the seat that Naruto will sit on next?

Like how much do you hate women,Kishimoto?

Favourite things in Spider-man: Homecoming

- Peter Parker is an absolute Cinnamon roll
- Peter actually looking like a teenager
- protective dad Tony!
- “patience” god poor Cap hahaha
- the spider-man theme playing over the marvel title
- Peter just wanting to save everyone and be accepted by Tony #myheart
- he’s scared of heights
- the whole cam recording at the beginning! Why is Peter so adorable jeez
- happy hogan I have missed you
- Ned is so pure
- Flash not being the typical bully
- the gym video with Cap and the teacher is just like “I think he’s a war criminal now”
- the fact that we get to see how normal people view the avengers
- even in a school setting. Like how the girls talk about the hottest avenger and in class they are being taught the accords etc
- Pepper and Tony are engaged!!!!!!!
- Peter so badly wanting to be an avenger and in the end turning the offer down
- Karen is the most adorable AI
- Michael Keaton actually being a pretty decent bad guy
- the scene where Peter gets crushed. Tom is an impeccable actor!
- “what the fu-” god I love Aunt May hahaha
- All the girls are amazing!
- Michelle’s initials being MJ
- Peter trying to be intimidating “I’m not a boy! I’m a man!” In his fake deep voice

Freshman Year In Queens Would Include...

- Moving to Queens and transferring to Midtown High School of Science and Technology.

~ Or as you put it: “The nerd school where I will literally be a loser amidst losers.”

- Meeting Peter Parker and Ned Leeds in seventh period math class. You arrived late and had to sit in the back between their desks. They don’t pay you much attention until Evelyn O’ Connor sticks gum in your hair while the teacher is out of the classroom. 

- Your previous shy and quiet demeanor changes to boss ass bitch attitude in a matter of seconds. Instead of exploding you calmly picked the gum from your hair and and used it to stick a “kick me” sign on Evelyn’s back.

~ SHE DOESN’T NOTICE?

- The entire rest of the period is you making rude hand gestures and faces at Evelyn’s back while Peter and Ned try not to laugh. Ned loses it when you manage to draw a dick on the back of Evelyn’s expensive white blouse without her knowing.

~ The teacher asks why you guys are laughing and you have a mini heart attack, terrified that they will tell on you.

~ Peter says he told a funny joke and the teacher believes him. You almost hug him right then and there.

- Ned invited you to sit with them at lunch.

- Meeting Flash Thompson for the first time when he tips over Ned’s food tray because “He doesn’t need to eat anymore or he’ll get even fatter.”

~ Yelling at Flash until he gives Ned enough money to buy more lunch plus ten bucks as a fee for being an asshole. 

~ “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAN! NOW PAY FOR HIS DAMN LUNCH AND SUFFER WHILE I TEACH YOU HOW TO MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS BECAUSE NED IS PERFECT THE WAY HE IS AND YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP!”

- You are now den mother and certified protector of Ned Leeds and Peter Parker.

- Denying that Peter is cute but secretly hoping that he would like you back until you find out he likes Liz Allan. After that you focus on getting him to ask Liz out because compared to her you look like the inside of someone’s asshole. (Which is sad bit come on-everyone looks like trash compared to Liz Allan. (And did you get the Deadpool reference?))

~”PETER PARKER JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY!”

~”ARE YOU INSANE?! Oh you are, aren’t you?”

- Friday Movie Nights at Peter’s apartment are born and they are EPIC. Peter always wants to watch Star Wars and You want Star Trek. (It usually ends in a pillow fight.) Ned asks for Disney movies and gets a pillow chucked at his head.

- You sign up for debate club and Model United Nations where you meet Michelle Jones, who quickly becomes your friend. Together you slay the competition at meetings.

- Peter joins photography (cuz I wanted some of Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker in the mix.) and the mathletes with Ned.

- Actually getting top marks and sometimes outsmarting Peter, which he is not happy about. You are one of the smartest people in your grade, no doubt.

- Calling Michelle nicknames like “Mickey” and “Mick” even though it drives her crazy. 

- Discovering Peter has social anxiety like you and offering to have lunch in the storage closet if the cafeteria is too hectic. 

- Having a code word for when one of you has a panic attack or is feeling stressed. 

~ Having a code word for EVERYTHING ranging from “I’m bored let’s skip class” to “Oh my god Liz Allan is walking this way act cool.”

- Becoming VERY protective of the gang. A senior once tried to trick Peter on Senior Prank Day and you stared him down until the poor guy ran away. 

- Finding out Peter’s parents died and he lives with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. 

~ Growing to love May like a mother and always hanging out at the Parker residence. 

- Freshman year ends with a bang. (No seriously like a fifth of the kids “do the do” on the last day IN SCHOOL and it’s kinda gross.)

- Uncle Ben dies and you stay at Peter’s apartment for a week to keep him company, not knowing he blames himself for Uncle Ben’s death. Peter never told you how Uncle Ben died but you refrained from asking. 

- Spiderman makes headlines as the new crime fighting vigilante and captures your interest. 

- You were walking home from an internship a Stark Industries™ and saw your favorite bookstore being robbed. For some stupid reason you decided to delay the robbers until the cops could arrive. 

~ “HEY UGLY! Considering the fact that you’re a criminal, I don’t think you’d be too smart-so why are ya looting a book store?”

~ Realizing the guy has two other friends and the only thing that goes through your mind is “oh shit.”

- A bigger guy holds the knife to your throat and keeps you hostage until Spiderman swings through the window to help. 

~ Him taking down all the bad guys except the one who is holding you at knife point. 

~ “Don’t come any closer or I’ll kill her faster than you can say Spiderman. Now let go of my buddies, leave the cash on the ground and I’ll give her ba-”

~ You kick the robber in the crotch and knock him to the ground, grabbing his knife and pointing it at him. 

~ “You know you should really keep the monologue short if ya want to get away. Just saying.”

- Spiderman being in awe at what you did.

~ “How did you-He just-You took down a guy with a knife!” 

- Rushing home to find Peter pacing around, waiting for you.

~ “You tried to stop a robbery?”

“How did you-”

“It was-uh… on the news?”

- You dismissed the nervous tone to his voice. The two of you ended up pretending not to cuddle on the couch, even though Peter’s arm was around your waist and your head was on his shoulder.

- The rest of the summer went quickly, the only eventful thing being your promotion at Stark Industries™ from unpaid intern to lab assistant. 

lamebloglamerblogger  asked:

I got into a music/ed program at a good university next year. But I've only gotten into music and choir in the past 3 years. I'm worried that I'm gonna be so far behind everyone else and that I'll be made fun of. How did you overcome anxiety and start embracing your art and your music and follow your passions?

Oh man… for me, I was lucky enough to have a really cool teacher in middle school who inspired and encouraged so many young kids to pursue singing! Then, in high school, I was encouraged by friends to try out theatre! That was my experience but I started late in high school too! Even though I was late, I still had lots of opportunities to improve! I would just say, if it’s something you have an interest in, you’ve got nothing to lose by giving it all you got. It’s certainly nerve-wracking, but I can say from my own experience that I don’t regret going after it! You got this

Significance

A NIGHT AT WORK | NAMJOON VERSION 

WORD COUNT: 9K 

He was a professor, and you were his favourite.

During your first year of university you found Mr Kim to be quite the English teacher, you always anticipated his class every Thursday and Friday afternoon and it seemed your hard work didn’t go unnoticed either. Late night extra credit classes soon became a place for your deepest and dirtiest desires.

warnings: graphic smut, dirty talk, rough sex, squirting, strong language 

Originally posted by just-namjooned

masterlist | ask | song

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Izuku the "entertainer"

So, after re-reading some of my favorite scenes over and over again, I noticed today how often Izuku really surprises, amazes or shocks Toshinori. Honestly, Toshinori may be a dork, but he has got himself and his expression under control quite properly most times. But when it comes to Izuku? Then he gets flabbergasted time and time again. Something about Izuku just manages to surprises him even after all this time… there really is a reason why Toshinori calls Izuku an entertainer repeatedly!

Look at this:

How they met, and All Might completely loses it at Izuku’s “enthusiasm”:

Hearing that Izuku is not that different from the boy he once was himself:

Izuku rushing into danger to save Kacchan:

Smiling like his idol would, making him remember what being a hero means:

Izuku overworking himself to reach his idol:

 … and doing more than even All Might anticipated:

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anonymous asked:

What are other books/series that you'd recommend that are in the same vein as Animorphs?

Honestly, your ask inspired me to get off my butt and finally compile a list of the books that I reference with my character names in Eleutherophobia, because in a lot of ways that’s my list of recommendations right there: I deliberately chose children’s and/or sci-fi stories that deal really well with death, war, dark humor, class divides, and/or social trauma for most of my character names.  I also tend to use allusions that either comment on Animorphs or on the source work in the way that the names come up.

That said, here are The Ten Greatest Animorphs-Adjacent Works of Literature According to Sol’s Totally Arbitrary Standards: 

1. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L’Engle

  • This is a really good teen story that, in painfully accurate detail, captures exactly what it’s like to be too young to really understand death while forced to confront it anyway.  I read it at about the same age as the protagonist, not that long after having suffered the first major loss in my own life (a friend, also 14, killed by cancer).  It accomplished exactly what a really good novel should by putting words to the experiences that I couldn’t describe properly either then or now.  This isn’t a light read—its main plot is about terminal illness, and the story is bookended by two different unexpected deaths—but it is a powerful one. 

2. The One and Only Ivan, K.A. Applegate 

  • This prose novel (think an epic poem, sort of like The Iliad, only better) obviously has everything in it that makes K.A. Applegate one of the greatest children’s authors alive: heartbreaking tragedy, disturbing commentary on the human condition, unforgettably individuated narration, pop culture references, and poop jokes.  Although I’m mostly joking when I refer to Marco in my tags as “the one and only” (since this book is narrated by a gorilla), Ivan does remind me of Marco with his sometimes-toxic determination to see the best of every possible situation when grief and anger allow him no other outlet for his feelings and the terrifying lengths to which he will go in order to protect his found family.

3. My Teacher Flunked the Planet, Bruce Coville

  • Although the entire My Teacher is an Alien series is really well-written and powerful, this book is definitely my favorite because in many ways it’s sort of an anti-Animorphs.  Whereas Animorphs (at least in my opinion) is a story about the battle for personal freedom and privacy, with huge emphasis on one’s inner identity remaining the same even as one’s physical shape changes, My Teacher Flunked the Planet is about how maybe the answer to all our problems doesn’t come from violent struggle for personal freedoms, but from peaceful acceptance of common ground among all humans.  There’s a lot of intuitive appeal in reading about the protagonists of a war epic all shouting “Free or dead!” before going off to battle (#13) but this series actually deconstructs that message as blind and excessive, especially when options like “all you need is love” or “no man is an island” are still on the table.

4. Moon Called, Patricia Briggs

  • I think this book is the only piece of adult fiction on this whole list, and that’s no accident: the Mercy Thompson series is all about the process of adulthood and how that happens to interact with the presence of the supernatural in one’s life.  The last time I tried to make a list of my favorite fictional characters of all time, it ended up being about 75% Mercy Thompson series, 24% Animorphs, and the other 1% was Eugenides Attolis (who I’ll get back to in my rec for The Theif).  These books are about a VW mechanic, her security-administrator next door neighbor, her surgeon roommate, her retail-working best friend and his defense-lawyer boyfriend, and their cybersecurity frenemy.  The fact that half those characters are supernatural creatures only serves to inconvenience Mercy as she contemplates how she’s going to pay next month’s rent when a demon destroyed her trailer, whether to get married for the first time at age 38 when doing so would make her co-alpha of a werewolf pack, what to do about the vampires that keep asking for her mechanic services without paying, and how to be a good neighbor to the area ghosts that only she can see.  

5. The Thief, Megan Whalen Turner

  • This book (and its sequel A Conspiracy of Kings) are the ones that I return to every time I struggle with first-person writing and no Animorphs are at hand.  Turner does maybe the best of any author I’ve seen of having character-driven plots and plot-driven characters.  This book is the story of five individuals (with five slightly different agendas) traveling through an alternate version of ancient Greece and Turkey with a deceptively simple goal: they all want to work together to steal a magical stone from the gods.  However, the narrator especially is more complicated than he seems, which everyone else fails to realize at their own detriment. 

6. Homecoming, Cynthia Voight

  • Critics have compared this book to a modern, realistic reimagining of The Boxcar Children, which always made a lot of sense to me.  It’s the story of four children who must find their own way from relative to relative in an effort to find a permanent home, struggling every single day with the question of what they will eat and how they will find a safe place to sleep that night.  The main character herself is one of those unforgettable heroines that is easy to love even as she makes mistake after mistake as a 13-year-old who is forced to navigate the world of adult decisions, shouldering the burden of finding a home for her family because even though she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s not like she can ask an adult for help.  Too bad the Animorphs didn’t have Dicey Tillerman on the team, because this girl shepherds her family through an Odysseus-worthy journey on stubbornness alone.

7. High Wizardry, Diane Duane

  • The Young Wizards series has a lot of good books in it, but this one will forever be my favorite because it shows that weird, awkward, science- and sci-fi-loving girls can save the world just by being themselves.  Dairine Callahan was the first geek girl who ever taught me it’s not only okay to be a geek girl, but that there’s power in empiricism when properly applied.  In contrast to a lot of scientifically “smart” characters from sci-fi (who often use long words or good grades as a shorthand for conveying their expertise), Dairine applies the scientific method, programming theory, and a love of Star Wars to her problem-solving skills in a way that easily conveys that she—and Diane Duane, for that matter—love science for what it is: an adventurous way of taking apart the universe to find out how it works.  This is sci-fi at its best. 

8. Dr. Franklin’s Island, Gwyneth Jones

  • If you love Animorphs’ body horror, personal tragedy, and portrayal of teens struggling to cope with unimaginable circumstances, then this the book for you!  I’m only being about 80% facetious, because this story has all that and a huge dose of teen angst besides.  It’s a loose retelling of H.G. Wells’s classic The Island of Doctor Moreau, but really goes beyond that story by showing how the identity struggles of adolescence interact with the identity struggles of being kidnapped by a mad scientist and forcibly transformed into a different animal.  It’s a survival story with a huge dose of nightmare fuel (seriously: this book is not for the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, or anyone who skips the descriptions of skin melting and bones realigning in Animorphs) but it’s also one about how three kids with a ton of personal differences and no particular reason to like each other become fast friends over the process of surviving hell by relying on each other.  

9. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar

  • Louis Sachar is the only author I’ve ever seen who can match K.A. Applegate for nihilistic humor and absurdist horror layered on top of an awesome story that’s actually fun for kids to read.  Where he beats K.A. Applegate out is in terms of his ability to generate dream-like surrealism in these short stories, each one of which starts out hilariously bizarre and gradually devolves into becoming nightmare-inducingly bizarre.  Generally, each one ends with an unsettling abruptness that never quite relieves the tension evoked by the horror of the previous pages, leaving the reader wondering what the hell just happened, and whether one just wet one’s pants from laughing too hard or from sheer existential terror.  The fact that so much of this effect is achieved through meta-humor and wordplay is, in my opinion, just a testament to Sachar’s huge skill as a writer. 

10. Magyk, Angie Sage

  • As I mentioned, the Septimus Heap series is probably the second most powerful portrayal of the effect of war on children that I’ve ever encountered; the fact that the books are so funny on top of their subtle horror is a huge bonus as well.  There are a lot of excellent moments throughout the series where the one protagonist’s history as a child soldier (throughout this novel he’s simply known as “Boy 412″) will interact with his stepsister’s (and co-protagonist’s) comparatively privileged upbringing.  Probably my favorite is the moment when the two main characters end up working together to kill a man in self-defense, and the girl raised as a princess makes the horrified comment that she never thought she’d actually have to kill someone, to which her stepbrother calmly responds that that’s a privilege he never had; the ensuing conversation strongly implies that his psyche has been permanently damaged by the fact that he was raised to kill pretty much from infancy, but all in a way that is both child-friendly and respectful of real trauma.  

there’s been a new korean student in the second grade classroom I intern in and he doesn’t speak english and can only understand very little. he always has a distant gaze in class when he isn’t receiving one-on-one interaction since he has no idea what’s going on for the most part.  the whole day, i assisted him in english and did a lot of pointing and hand gestures, but man, you should’ve seen the light on his face when i said goodbye to him in korean !!! his eyes grew so big !!! you can see how simply acknowledging students’ native language and letting them hear something familiar, even if it’s just one word, is so so so important !!! i love working with english language learners so much ahhhh

Hips - part 1 (A Jongin Two-Shot)

This wasn’t quite what you had envisioned for your life. The laundry basket was heavy and balanced just on your hip and you gripped the tiny hand of your 6 year old daughter tightly with your other hand. You had only been living here for a week and a half, and the one thing you hadn’t quite taken into account was managing the four flights of stairs with a clean load of laundry fresh from the first floor dryers.

The place was cheap enough for you to afford the two bedroom unit in a safe part of town and still be able to afford certain things like food and electricity on your income. Nari’s dance lessons came out of the support you received from your ex. You swore to yourself that no matter how tough things got, you would let her stay in the class she loved so much.

“Nari, stop jumping up the stairs, just walk normally.” You could feel your palm getting sweaty and you wanted to switch sides, but the girl was selective in her hearing. If you didn’t use your ‘mom voice’, she usually just did what she wanted.

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Stuff I've Actually Heard People Say
  • "Yeah, I just stuck him in the microwave."
  • "My friends and I have planned a murder for after school. Any tips?"
  • "You have another arm?" "Dude, everyone has two arms."
  • "It's simple, you just gag them and throw them in the trunk!"
  • "To heck with paleontology."
  • "Can you imagine if Velociraptors had wings?" "Well, actually-"
  • "Suh dude." "Same."
  • "Guard it with your life." "My knife?"
  • "First, you need have no life, Second, sell your soul to Adele."
  • "Feet; they're hands for your legs."
  • "Wow, those sure are some nice fish scales on your facial protrusions." "You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet."
  • "It's not even good garbage."
  • Teacher to the class: "Guys, I'm sorry but uh... my dog ate your homework." *Passes back chewed-up papers*
  • "Bros before toes."
  • "Woah, Dude, is that Harambe on your lock screen?" "Dude, that's my dog."
  • "Can you imagine just walking up to someone and slapping them in the face with a piece of meat?"
  • "Hey man, got any gum." "Nah dude, I'm about to kill myself." "I'm not sure how those are related, but okay."
  • "You're made of good dirt."
  • "Stop breathing so much."
  • "All my drawings look dead inside because I am dead inside."
  • "I didn't have lunch this morning."
  • "I have a strong desire to make dictators dance."
  • "Is this revenge for the octopus at the fair?"
  • "Embrace your inner childhood." "Embrace? You've got yours in a headlock!"
  • "Make sure you have Target popcorn at my funeral."
  • "And fill my coffin with glitter."
  • "I put the 'fun' in funeral."
  • "Oh my gosh, someone is going to get punched in the throat."
  • "I could do math in the time it's taking this light to change."
  • "We were both crying; it was fun."
  • "It's Halloween! Merry Christmas!...Wait."
  • "So like, if a centaur got arrested, would you handcuff its' legs?"
  • "Yeah, and I like the smell of farts."
  • "I stuffed your heart in my pencil bag, so I won't forget."
  • "Life sucks, but at least I have my Poptart."
  • "I want to build a mirror out of spoons."
  • "Joke's on you, I don't have a soul."
  • "Boy howdy do I like eating leaves off the ground."
  • "I'd rather be burnt toast than frozen bread."
  • "When I die, bury me in a Hefty bag... but make it a pretty color."
  • "I just got a great idea." "Dress up as Batman and beat up ____?"
  • "Plan B: Cry"
  • "Oh yeah, the guy with the head on his neck."
  • "I just choked on an oat."
  • "You're a substitute for a good friend."
  • "Dude, I once dropped a breakfast burrito on the garage floor, and I still ate it."
  • "We never go stale. Unlike our jokes."
  • "They speak American."
Dream Daddy as Hogwarts Houses

Mod Star here, I’m full-on addicted to this game, and seeing I’m a lesbian, and a huge HP fan, I thought I’d take the chance to sort the dads (and Amanda)! If you disagree, tell me why in a note or reply, I love friendly debate! Warning: Dad jokes and puns included, and this post contains spoilers for Dream Daddy, so if you have not completed all paths (or don’t know what happens), don’t continue reading the dads you haven’t finished dating!

Brian: Gryffindor

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

Oh boy, this dad loves nothing more than friendly competition with Dadsona, is stupidly proud of Daisy and is a rather sporty man, despite his sick dadbod. Brave enough to admit he was feeling under pressure to compete with you, and has the nerve to allow you to continue fighting him, even though he knows he has a strong chance of winning.

Damien: Ravenclaw

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

Oh Damien, how I love you. His passion for IT ( a very Ravenclaw career choice), Victorian era clothing, customs and life and his metaphorical hangouts in graveyards make this man an enigma, but his passion for learning more and more makes this man a complete Rave. He also loves dogs, which almost everyone does, but he wants to find them a new home, which is a very Puff trait, though his love of learning makes this an easy decision.

Hugo: Ravenclaw

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

Classic English teacher in Ravenclaw, but his love of wrestling is what sets this dad apart from the rest, as he has been dedicate enough to learn so much about the players that he comes off a little stalkery of the actual competitors, but he isn’t courageous at all, nor is he cunning or particularly loyal, except maybe to his favourite wrestler, of course.

Joseph: Slytherin

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

This man is so Slytherin it physically hurts. He’s manipulative of you and your feeling to get a quick smash, lies to Mary about the nature of your relationship, and is cunning enough to convince you he will stay with you and honestly? That cult ending? What else is there to say? Joseph is a total Snake, and to me, he’s garbage lol

Mat: Ravenclaw

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

This man is so about his passion to music, bands and coffee that it makes him a total Ravenclaw. He’s eccentric and kind, but he’s also very individual and different, while also having a certain ‘I don’t care what you think about me, so long as you drink my coffee’, which is a very Rave thought pattern.

Craig: Hufflepuff (also my Dream Daddy, if I was into men)

Originally posted by dreamdaddygame

This hunk does everything for everyone else, and doesn’t give himself a break. His kindness knows no bounds, he makes himself stressed taking his kids everywhere, coaching softball, taking care of them, organising their life with Smashley, trying to be kind to you and make time for your dadsona, until it burns him out. He is dedicated to his health and fitness and tends to be a little strange (drinking a jar of spaghetti sauce? Bro…) like Puffs can be with their hobbies, but he is loved by all.

Robert: Slytherin

This man carries 4 knives, is super sarcastic and loves to manipulate and mess with people. Snake.

Amanda: Hufflepuff

Originally posted by bastsdaddies

This cinnamon roll is so Puff it hurts me! She is so supportive of her dad, lets him date even after Alex (I’m not sure of the mothers name if you choose that, as I play as a gay man) has died, and feels like telling you what bothers her with her friends, is a burden on you. She is rather sarcastic and jokey, but it is never in a malicious way, only ever to joke, and she is a Rave in the sense she loves her photography, but her dedication to the pictures, her father and being so kind to all the other kids, makes this girl a badger!


Hopefully you guys liked this sorting! Like I said, if you disagree, tell me why!

renaissance high school AU
  • michelangelo: the angsty gay art kid who hates literally every other person even though everyone respects him.
  • machiavelli: honors student but still rollin in the hoes and always in trouble. makes really long political posts and gets into fights on facebook. gets expelled for his schemes.
  • raphael: the chill art kid that smokes a lot of weed and is loved by everyone. gets even more women than machiavelli.
  • leonardo da vinci: jack of all trades nerd who smokes even more weed than raphael. loves animals. actual genius.
  • lucrezia borgia: queen bee. owns every boy in the school. uses them for test answers.
  • isabella d'este: the other it girl. has it all: style, grace, gets amazing grades. fucking hates lucrezia for stealing her man.
  • julius ii: angry alcoholic football coach. may be a huge dick but gets results and the school worships him. bisexual art hoe also somehow.
  • lorenzo de'medici: the sugar daddy principal. knows how to run the school and keep people in order. talks big game on expanding art and science programs.
  • rodrigo borgia: that one sly fucking math teacher. knows when you're cheating (because his class is too hard) and exacts punishment swiftly. flirts with other teachers in the lounge.
  • savonarola: the puritanical disciplinarian. convinced the entire student body is evil and does everything in his power to stop their debauchery. hates rodrigo in particular. would light the whole school on fire if he could.
  • cesare borgia: school drug kingpin who put every other petty dealer out of business. spiked the punch at prom. has a knife fetish.
  • caterina sforza: silent freak. everyone's afraid of her. bookish. could probably kill cesare if she tried but she gets her weed from him.
  • leo x: school secretary who constantly embezzles money to buy weird exotic pets at shady conventions. never seen without a literal buffet on his desk. kinda creepy.
  • martin luther: disgruntled student who talks a lot of shit and writes graffiti in the bathroom stalls about all the fucked up shit people are doing.
things that 100% definitely happened after the end of call me beep me u can pry these headcanons from my cold dead hands

(call me beep me is an incredible fic by @gajeelredfox that i can’t link to rn bc i’m on mobile but the final update was posted tonight and i’m emo so have this)

-when they go trick or treating, the kids fall in love with keith instantly and are constantly chattering at him and tugging at his arms to show him things. by the end of the night keith is carrying a sleeping child home and lance’s heart is suffering.

-lance and hunk get to celebrate pidges 16th birthday! lance gets pidge a remote control robot car. (“get it? because its like the cliche thing to get a car on ur 16th birthday, but u like robots!” “yes i get it lance thank u.”)

-together, matt and lance make allura and shiro’s life a living hell. they can’t even look at each other without hearing exaggerating kissy noises.

-lance gradually helps keith and muffin warm up to each other and after a while they’re best friends. sometimes she’ll even lick his hand. shiro is pissed. (“i’ve been trying to get them to get along for years!!! and then this little shit comes along and within a couple of months she’s sitting on his lap!!! wtf!)

more under the cut

Keep reading

Thank you!! I hope you enjoy :D

Iida Tenya:

  • people who talk when the teacher is talking! He’ll throw some shade at that person for a bit but if they continue he’ll straight up tell them to be quiet
  • people who are always late ((I have a friend who is literally always 2 hours late to everything like how))
  • people writing “should of/could of/would of” instead of “should’ve/could’ve/would’ve”

Shinsou Hitoshi:

  • people who tell him to do something as he’s doing it (or right as he was about to!). ex: *washing the dishes* “Shinsou, go wash the dishes!” or *about to offer his bus seat to an elderly woman* “Young man, you should give me your seat!”
  • people who listen to music really loudly - so much that you can hear their music  even when they’re wearing earphones/headphones
  • leaving the cursor in the middle of the screen (especially if teachers do this while showing the class a movie omg)

Todoroki Shouto:

  • couples who make jokes about how unhappy they are. “oh i’m getting married tomorrow goodbye freedom hahaha” like if you don’t want to be married don’t get married geez (he really values healthy relationships)
  • people who walk slowly and take up the entire sidewalk and you can’t get past them
  • his dad. that’s it. he sees his dad and he gets angry
BMC Elementary School Headcanons

A continuation of this, because I got cut off early: https://jeremy-is-a-furry.tumblr.com/post/161986668951/elementary-school-boyf-riends-pls-give-me-the-good

- Once Jeremy got his hair stuck to Michael’s glasses, and they were both screaming

- Jeremy was the kid who cried if you told him santa wasn’t real while Michael was the conspiracist who explained all the reasons why he’s FALSE and IMPOSSIBLE

-“shut up!” “Gasp!!! I’m telling!! MS LELAY MICHAEL SAID A BAD WORD!!!!”

- Jeremy had a short phase where he let his hair grow long but the second it was constantly in his eyes he cut it again


- Michael and Jeremy had gameboys and DS’s that they carried everywhere the went

-once a bully broke Michael’s DS and he cried for like the whole week, Jeremy gave him his and said it was no big cuz a new one would come out soon anyway

-Jeremy brought in his pet turtle for show and tell and it scared the teacher shitless

- Rich was the child who drew very questionable and concerning things

- Jeremy once had a pet fish that he named Glug

-Glug lasted like a month

-Michael was invited to Glug’s funeral

- “oh yeah?! Well I’m a magician!!! *waves pencil back and forth* it bends!!” “Jeremy you learned that on the back of a kids cuisine!!”

- Jeremy was a Boy Scout, but he was kinda shit at it

-the one time Rich talked to Jake during these years it was because Rich was crying over dropping his favorite snack. Jake told him he could have his granola bar and sat with him until he was ok

-the next day Rich said hi and Jake didn’t recognize him

- Jake used to throw those Pump It Birthday parties a lot, even for other people. No one ever knew how he threw all these parties or why he was doing them in the first place.

-Jeremy begged him for like a week to throw one for Michael before he actually agreed

-the silly band phase hit everyone hard. No one was spared. Michael and Rich still have some to this day.

- Chloe and Brooke braided everyone’s hair. Even the teachers.

-they went through the handmade friendship bracelet phase, and taught each other different tying techniques.

- Michael, sipping a juice box: Idk man life sucks

-Michael was always really sensitive to loud noises, so the constant screaming of elementary school bothered him a lot. That is until he was introduced to the concept of headphones and music and since they he’d carried them everywhere.

-“Jeremy why are we losers??” “I don’t know! You’re like! The coolest guy I know!!!!” “You are too! Even though you chew on paintbrushes at art”

so anyway mikael is nonbinary

  • and the balloon squad has known for a bit now. 
  • mikael was terrified when they first asked the squad to use they/them pronouns. they had a whole powerpoint ready on gender and social constructs and the grammatical validity of they/them used in the singular.
  • but in the end they didn’t need it. as soon as they said “nonbinary” the squad, after staring at them for three interminable seconds, broke into loud chatter
  • “no no bro it’s like how you feel inside or some shit” “yeah like Jorunn at school!” “what ‘bout Jorunn?” “sh-they like asked the teachers to call h-them they and shit” “oh yeah i remember!” “that was badass, man!” “yeah i heard they just straight up walked to every teacher they had in bakka and even the principal!” “no i heard they just asked their dad to write a letter or some shit” “yeah well…” “yeah can you imagine doing that, man?” “naaaah! i can’t even look at the teachers in the face i’m so fucking stressed all the time”
  • and that was kind of it? the conversation quickly sidetracked to the euro 2016 and what were norway’s chances to make it to the finals and mikael joined in without even realising
  • the weight in their stomach lifted and they could breathe again and that was the end of it.
  • one day, a few months after their coming out, mikael walks in the bakkoushs’ flat with their nails painted a deep shade of russet
  • they figured that a lot of rock’n’roll-type guys wear black nail polish and no one cares
  • and they like warm shades of brown. plus they kind of look black. from a distance.
  • the minute they walk in though, elias grabs their hand and sticks it so close to his face that mikael can feel their friend’s breath against their fingers
  • mikael feels the familiar twinge of anxiety in their guts and prays for a swift and merciful death
  • but elias releases mikael’s hand and asks “can you do mine?”
  • two hours later, sana bursts into elias’ room because she could smell a sickeningly potent chemical scent and she thought the squad had finally managed to create mustard gas by mistake and kill themselves
  • she stares at the mess of cotton swabs drenched in acetone, the floor stained in a rainbow of nail polishes, the entire balloon squad bent over each other’s hands, sitting on the floor, tongues sticking out with the effort, looking like three years old asked to try and colour inside the lines for once
  • “are those my nail polishes, elias?”
  • “faaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeennn” the squad cowers, nudging elias towards his sister, and mikael pales. they feel responsible.
  • sana pinches the space between her eyebrows and takes a deep breath in
  • “hand me the goods, elias” she says, waving the squad out of her way.
  • when she sits on her brother’s bed, it turns into a makeshift throne and the squad approaches her and offers her their hands for inspection
  • except for mikael who starts trying to clean the floor of the mess the squad made without damaging their painted fingernails
  • and they can’t contain the smile that pulls on their cheeks so hard it hurts
  • but in a good way.
Good and Bad Days Pennywise x Reader

Anonymous asked:
Hello, could I request a Pennywise fanfic, where he hugs and cuddles and comforts me? I’ve been having heavy thoughts on suicide lately..

Warning: Angst, mention of depression and suicidal thoughts

Note: If you feel depressed or suicidal thoughts please please please talk to someone about it. Suicide health line, a friend, a family member you can trust, a random nice looking stranger. Just someone. They can help. Please don’t say your okay or deny it because dealing with this on a daily basis is terrible for you and your loved ones.

Originally posted by billskarsgardsource

Originally posted by pixeljeff

Originally posted by vanish

As soon as you got home from a long, hard day the first thing you did was go to your bed, and cry. Today was horrible. The forecast didn’t mention it was go to be gloomy and downpouring hard so many people including you weren’t prepared and that had caused more than a few students at your school to be grouchy.

Not to mention the customers at your local job were snappy and rude. One man had rudely told you to go f yourself after you tried to as sweetly as you could say “Have a nice day.”

Then a woman snapped at you because you had asked her to repeat herself when she said she didn’t want any cream in her coffee. At school your teachers were mean and constantly scolding you like little kids.

They even assigned extra homework just to prove how bitchy they were.

That was why you were currently laying face down in your pillow ugly crying. Your mom was working late and your dad was on a business trip so there was no on there to comfort you.

At least that’s what you assumed.

Keep reading

You know, seeing that Toshinori was downright shivering when thinking of his training with Gran Torino back then, and adding the fact that Izuku a) heard from Gran Torino that he had beaten up All Might until he puked and b) has gotten kicked and beaten by Gran Torino during his training, too… it really wouldn’t have been that far off to think that Izuku, like Toshinori, would become completely scared of the old man.

But, nope:

Look at how happy Izuku is when he sees Gran Torino, even though the old man is already raging like the worried Grandpa he is. He isn’t perplexed or goes “Uh-oh, he’s gonna beat me up, yikes!” but instant is genuinely happy to see his teacher.

Even when he gets kicked in the face, he still apologizes weakly and smiles slightly instead of ducking or becoming scared.

I really like how Izuku just accepts the rather rough treatment as a part of Gran Torino’s way of showing that he cares, instead of misunderstanding it as cruelty.

Izuku sees right through your cranky act, you old softie.

(Though, I think, in reality, Toshinori does, too.)