This is not one of my usual letters. I’ve lately been getting some concerned (and sometimes angry) messages of people who dislike my use of the words “kids” and “Mommy” and I’d like to address these concerns and explain why i use them.
The idea for this blog came to me during the holidays. I was thinking about how many lgbt+ kids feel lonely during Christmas because they’re surrounded by unsupportive relatives and wished a nice mom would just send each of them a uplifting letter. The thought got stuck in my brain and after a few weeks, i finally told myself, “Why sit around and think a nice mom should do that? I can be that nice mom who does it!”. I figured a blog would be ideal to publish those letters, so any kid or teen who likes them can read them. Then, i found myself wondering why i should limit it to a letter for the holidays. Why not publish letters year round as a long-term source of support? And so, “letters-to-lgbt-kids” was born.
While the blog grew, i noticed that not only kids but people of different age groups seemed to find comfort in my words, so i broadened the range of topics but i always strive to keep the blog safe for 12-year-olds (the age minimum according to tumblr’s guidelines).
It has never been my intent to belittle or insult lgbt+ adults by calling them my kids. I certainly would never go up to a lgbt+ stranger in public and say “Aww, you’re my cute little gay child.” As an lgbt+ adult myself, i fully agree that doing so would be demeaning and downright creepy. I also never meant the message of my letters to be “lgbt+ people are all silly cute little kids who should not get taken seriously” and i’m fully aware that there are lgbt+ people - kids and adults alike - who will find my letters ridiculous and prefer less “cute” online resources.
I’d like to apologize to anyone who felt uncomfortable reading my letters or felt insulted by my choice of words. They were meant as a cute way to bring some positivity and support to lgbt+ youth and it honestly breaks my heart to feel like they caused pain instead.
That’s right! Underline is taking a break! FOR ONE WEEK! Starting after the weekend goatline updates! We might be able to update again on the following weekend with more goatline, but we shall see how that goes!
Dusty is going on a week long holiday and we cannot find enough spare time to make any extra updates for the time away. So the easiest thing to do instead of stressing about it, is to take a much deserved break!
I’m gonna use my time to play some video games, I will end up drawing while Dusty is away. But I don’t think I’ll get much done.
Anna and I will be taking care of the inbox as well as we can. But as usual we won’t answer most asks publicly unless we feel that everyone needs to know the information.
;3 So remember! We’re updating until SUNDAY! Then we’re not updating until the following SATURDAY!
A/N: I’m alive! I know it’s been a while but every time holiday season rolls around (currently spring break/Easter) I usually get occupied with family coming to town, so sitting up on my computer isn’t really an option. I was feeling like writing some jealousy stuff so here’s my fix for that. Enjoy~ ♥
Word Count: 3574
“Frank, c’mon, this shit weighs like eighty pounds!” I was on my way over to Frank’s side of town when he asked me to bring some dog food for Max. I decided on the biggest bag I could find since I knew the man barely fed himself; who knew how long Max had gone without a decent bowl of food. He was probably getting tossed pizza crusts or whatever was left of Frank’s canned beef stew. Hell, maybe he was running on black coffee, too. I got lucky enough to visit the day his elevator was being repaired, so I had the pleasure of hauling the industrial size bag of food up four flights of stairs. I was prepared to yell and bang on his door again when it swung open, but Frank wasn’t on the other side. “U-uhh…”
“Hi! Come in,” the woman greeted, inviting me like the place was hers.
“… Thanks?” I entered skeptically, dragging the bag behind me wondering where the hell Frank was when he appeared leaving his kitchen with a glass of water and his famous chipped dark green mug; I knew what that was full of… “You’re alive after all.” At the sound of the commotion Max came from behind the couch and made his way over to me, sniffing at my feet and pawing at my legs, tail wagging at full speed.
“Hands were a bit tied,” he responded, suggestively raising his two hands.
“Well whenever you’re ready you can help me with this, barista.” I kicked his door closed as he set the drinks on the crate he used for a coffee table to grab the bag. I finally bent down and gave Max the attention he was clearly craving with a good behind the ear rub, trying to keep him from slobbering all over me. “Yes, hello to you too, handsome. Someone missed me, hm?” I patted him before returning to Frank. “Didn’t know you had company,” I spoke loud enough for only him to hear, looking at the woman now sitting at his couch drinking the glass of water.
He tossed the giant bag over his shoulder, motioning between me and her. “Y/N, this is Adrienne. Adrienne, Y/N.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said with a smile and a pleasant wave.
I returned the warmth. “Likewise. Good to see Frank’s making friends.”
“I should warn you, she thinks she’s a comedian,” Frank shouted from the kitchen. I could hear dog food pouring into a metal bowl like cereal.
Adrienne chuckled. “Actually I’ve known Frank for some time, we just never really spoke; nothing more than casual hi and byes passing through the building.”
“Oh you live here?”
“Adrienne lives two floors up.”
“Frank’s kind enough to help me out in a pinch; carrying groceries when the damn elevator’s busted like it is now, when there’s a leaky pipe that needs fixing… In fact, I was just dropping by to bring him some dinner since that’s the very least I could do.”
“So is that how you two met? Groceries and pipes?” I looked over at Frank leaving the kitchen. He leaned up against the wall and was giving me an eye I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but there was a tone of seriousness to it. I couldn’t break the stare.
Adrienne cleared her throat. “Um… A-Actually I was in some trouble on the street. Some asshole snatched my purse, ran off with it. I was lucky Frank was nearby to stop him.” I could tell she was uncomfortable, the way she was distracting herself by petting Max, redirecting all her attention to him.
I nodded slowly, eyes bouncing from her to the man still staring at me. “I see…”
“Ever since then, I’ve just been… super grateful. Honestly, he’s a gift.”
“Don’t I know it.” Frank was still staring as he scratched his head, not adding a word to the convo. I sighed. “So I just stopped by to drop this off while I run some errands; gotta get going before the bank closes.” I took my car keys from my pocket and made my way to the door.
“It was nice meeting you,” Adrienne said with a smile.
“Let me walk you out,” he finally spoke up, pushing off the wall and heading in my direction.
“Okay. You take care of yourself, Adrienne.”
He said nothing as we walked down the stairs of his building, and was still silent as he opened the car door for me to climb inside. When I started the car I rolled the window down and we stared at each other. “How much was the food?” he asked, pulling a wallet from his back pocket.
“No- Stop, c’mon. It’s nothing.” I knew no matter what I said he’d give me the money, sneak it somewhere when I wasn’t looking. He pulled a twenty from the leather wallet and tucked it in my sun visor. “Fine. I’ll take that as payment for you not telling me your elevator was being repaired.”
He nodded to himself. “I accept that. Maybe even payment for the surprise guest?”
I shrugged. “Your apartment. You’re allowed to have whoever you want over.”
“She’s a friend.”
“I must say, you’ve got a weak spot for a damsel in distress. You helped her with some guy snatching her purse. Remember how you helped me?” He stared at me, a small smile playing at his lips. I was working when Frank was sitting at the bar. There was this other guy, Mick, who was oozing booze from his pores and was starting trouble with other customers. When I tried to cut him off he started yelling at me too, even getting in my face about it and calling me outta my name once or twice. That’s when the knight in shining armor, or a dark green utility jacket, came to my rescue. “Anyway, you don’t have to explain anything to me. Enjoy your romantic dinner with your friend…”
At that he chuckled before leaning inside the window, putting a hand behind my head and kissing me. His kiss tasted like coffee but sweeter than the poison he actually drank. “You gonna call me later?”
I stared at his mouth as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. “Maybe. I’ll make sure it’s real late, after your crush leaves.”
He shook his head and kissed me once more. “Bye, Y/N. Put your seatbelt on.”
“Unless she plans on staying for dessert!” I called after him as he made his walk back to his apartment building.
And that wasn’t the last time I saw Adrienne. I ran into her maybe two more times while visiting Frank, but more importantly she came to my job. We were throwing a birthday party for the bar owner and I invited Frank to come keep me company while I worked the night. I didn’t expect him to show, him not being one for a large crowd, but I was surprised when he did. And I was even more surprised when he showed up with Adrienne.
“Wow, you came,” I spoke with as much enthusiasm I could muster before addressing his date. “Nice to see you again, Adrienne. How you been?”
“Busy with work. Someone thought I needed to unwind a little bit,” she said as she grinned at Frank, “so here I am.”
“Well, glad you could make it. If there’s anything you need gimme a holler.”
“Can we start with you point me to the ladies?”
I directed her to the restroom and she parted, rubbing Frank’s shoulder beforehand. I handled a few customers all while exchanging glances with Frank until I could take a minute from the chaos to talk to him. “Looks like the family’s all here. Only one missin’ is Max.”
“He had a previous engagement.”
“… Seriously, Frank? I invited you because you know this place like the back of your hand- These people! And you brought your little girlfriend here??”
“She needed a break, I offered a suggestion.”
“Not your place.” I slid a pitcher of beer across the bar and picked up the cash, looking at Frank in between counting. “Bringing her here to unwind? Let loose a little? That your plan?”
He nodded. “Yes, actually, it was.”
“Yeah? And then what?” I crossed my arms to try to calm what I felt was a flaring temper and to brace myself for whatever his response may be, but Adrienne returned and took a seat next to him. I sighed, rolling my eyes at him and looking at her. “So what’ll it be? A round of relaxation on me.”
“In that case, I’ll take a rum and coke.”
“Comin’ up. And for you, I won’t even water down the rum. Beer, Frank?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Nonsense. No empty hands or healthy livers on my watch.” I noticed his jaw flex as he watched me behind the bar, as I tested him over this Adrienne thing. He brought her here, and I wasn’t going to deal with this sober or alone. I served their drinks and raised my shot of vodka for a toast. “To friends.”
“To friends,” Adrienne repeated with a smile. Frank raised his beer bottle but said nothing, eyes not leaving mine as we toasted and drank together.
The more we drank and the further the night moved along, the more comfortable Adrienne got with Frank. I couldn’t stay with them all night, as I was still technically on the clock, but as I worked I noticed how she threw herself all over him. Frank mingled with a few of the regulars that he was more familiar with and she clung to him, arm wrapped around his waist or linked in his. Even one of the other bartenders, Vanessa, asked who Frank came with, wondering if she was his girl or something.
And as much as it shouldn’t have pissed me off, the fact she managed to get him on a dancefloor just burned me up. Granted he wasn’t dancing at all; it looked more like a bodyguard standing next to a celebrity having a really good time. The fact remained I couldn’t get him to even snap a finger to a tune with me in the two years I’ve known him, let alone step anywhere near a dancefloor. I took a shot every time I felt a pang of jealousy strike me and focused on work until Adrienne came and sat at the bar alone. “Bartender! Let me get a mojito and two shots of Honey Jack.”
I grit my teeth and made her order, deciding it best not to express my annoyance at being called bartender when she knew my name. “Hey, you ever seen Frank get drunk?”
“He doesn’t drink much; a beer here and there.”
“I mean, I know he says I’m wound up but geez. Has he met himself?” I gave her a weak half smile. I didn’t want to talk about Frank, didn’t wanna be reminded of all the things I knew about him that she had no idea of. “So tell me this: what’s really goin’ on between you two? Frank tells me you two are just friends; that true?”
I shrugged, biting the inside of my cheek. “If that’s what he says then that’s what we are.”
“Then you don’t have a problem if I… ya know.” She grinned and looked over her shoulder at Frank, who was talking to one of our bouncers and looking at us. She waved before turning back at me, biting her lip. “You guys never even… Not once?”
“… Are you asking if we had sex?”
“Curious minds wanna know.”
“Curiosity gets people in trouble.” I slid the drinks at her, ready for her to leave my immediate space. “That’ll be $15.”
“$15? But I thought…”
“Oh I’m not charging for the drinks, just the sugar, lime and mint it took to make yours. The liquor’s still free; friendship discount.” I smiled and held my hand out as she stared at me before rolling her eyes and reaching into her clutch.
“Expensive limes,” she muttered under her breath.
“Only the best.”
“You can keep the change. Save it for the next time Frank needs you for a dog food run.”
“What was that?” My face fell cold as steel before she tossed me a fake smile and left. I needed something to lighten my mood before I snatched that smile from her face. I’m guessing Frank could see me gritting my teeth from across the room because soon after she left he was taking her place. “Check your girl, Frank.”
“I’m two seconds from scratching her face off, I want you to know that.”
“How much have you had to drink tonight?”
“Are you listening to me? She’s disrespecting me.”
“Yeah? You haven’t been all that warm and friendly yourself.”
“Are you shitting me? I’m giving her free drinks, smiling and making nice since I met her!”
“You think any o’ that shit matters when you’re pretending?”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Of course you’re defending her. She’s still that weak girl that got her purse stolen and needed you to come to her rescue.”
“What does that make you?”
“I didn’t ask you to intervene, I was handling myself just fine! And I’m asking you to intervene now for her sake- This is the last warning I’m giving either of you. Next time I’m knocking her goddamn head off-”
“-Alright,” he said as he nodded to himself and rose from the barstool. “C’mon, come take your break-”
“-Gladly.” I told Vanessa I’d be back when I followed Frank off to a corner of the bar a little further away from the party. “I tried, Frank, I did- I tried not to be bothered by her, but I am. And I’m even more bothered you actually brought her here.”
He chuckled to himself as he leaned against the wall opposite me. “What, you think I didn’t know that?”
“Then why did you do it?”
“I didn’t know I needed your permission to bring her to a public bar-”
“-Oh, fuck you. Public bar my ass- I didn’t ask you to come to the goddamn library, I asked you to come to a birthday party for friends, people we know, a place where you’re a regular.”
“So what, this is our place? S’at what you’re sayin’?”
“Can’t believe you’re being such an asshole about this-”
“-C’mon, tell me what the real problem is you have with her. What did she do that was so offensive you instantly decided not to like her from the start-”
“-Oh, stop it! This isn’t me just picking on the new girl, this is you not setting boundaries with her from the beginning. Then again we’re all friends, right? I mean, that’s what you told her, that I’m your friend? So that’s my mistake, thinking you needed to draw a line somewhere with her-”
“-Was there a conversation you and me were supposed to have somewhere along the line that I’m forgettin’?”
“I mean, I’m not expecting you to confess your love for me to the girl or anything, but shit. Friends? Really? So since we’re both your friends, that means you fuck her like you fuck me then too, right?”
“What would you like me to call you?”
“Damn, even an it’s complicated is more than just calling me a friend! At least then she’d know there was somethin’ else here instead of having to ask me if we fucked!”
“She asked you that?”
“You sound surprised.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I’m sure you guys can talk about it on the way home.”
“She shouldna asked you-”
“-Well no fucking shit, Frank! It’s none of her business!”
“It’s none of her business unless it puts her in her place right? You wouldn’t mind telling her about what we do if it made her back off me, right?”
I scoffed. “What is it, Frank? You need the both of us to kiss your ass? I didn’t peg you to be so greedy-”
“-I didn’t peg you to be so jealous.”
“Of what? Some sheep that clings onto you for dear life? I’ve never been that girl, never will be. If you wanted a leech then congrats, you got it.”
“That’s right, you’re a tough girl. Don’t need anyone, can handle everything by yourself, hm?”
“She asked if we had sex, talked to me like I was the fucking help, and you’re standing here defending her to me! You’re talkin’ to me as if I brought it on myself, like I’m the mean girl finally getting what’s due to me or some shit!”
“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. All this liquor in you, all fired up; you won’t hear any reason at all.”
“You’re gonna try to reason with me on this? What would you like me to do, bend over and take it while she comes for my neck at my own job?”
“You know what we are, you know what we do; why does it matter what she says?”
“Clearly I don’t know if all you told her was that you and I are friends! She thinks what she does because you never told her otherwise!”
He nodded. “You’re right. I’ll tell her right now that you are the person I, what? Think of as more than a friend, fuck somewhat often, but wouldn’t call my girlfriend because that’s not a step I’m ready to take just yet. That sum it up?”
I shrugged. “Works fine for me.” I stared at him to let him know I was serious when he shook his head and a smile started to break on his face, and when Frank smiled it was incredibly contagious. “I’m serious!”
“I know, which is what makes this even more ridiculous. You’re unbelievable.”
“Wait ‘til you see me when my claws come out…”
“Nah nah, no need for any o’ that. I’ll talk to her.”
“You’ll talk to her?”
“Yes, yes yes. I’d hate to have to protect her from you.”
“Yeah, I bet. You thought a mugger and a drunk were trouble; you haven’t seen two women going at it over Frank Castle.”
“Wasn’t aware I was so much of a prize.”
“Ugh, geez. Don’t flatter yourself.” I rolled my eyes and made my way back to the bar but he took my arm in his hand, pulling me in front of him. “Don’t worry that shaved head of yours.”
“You calmed down?”
“Yeah yeah, I calmed down, I’m good.”
“Good. And no more drinkin’ tonight.”
“You cuttin’ me off?”
“Someone has to.”
“Lookin’ out for me again… You just can’t help yourself, can you?” I asked as I moved closer to him, hooking my index fingers through the belt loops of his jeans.
“I can’t let you do anything too damaging to that perfect image you’ve made for yourself. What kinda man would that make me?”
“A very bad one.”
“How bad?” His voice dropped low enough for only me to hear, and as I caught a glimpse over his shoulder I noticed a certain someone staring holes into us. My eyes connected with his; I wonder if he could sense the more sinister side of me behind them.
“Just awful. Kinda bad you have nightmares about.”
“Can’t have that now, can we?”
“No we can not,” I whispered before taking his bottom lip between my teeth. “Come over my place tonight,” I spoke after standing on my tiptoes to talk directly in his ear over the music.
“Thought you didn’t like leaving Max alone?”
“Well I feel a lot better knowing he has more than enough food to last a lifetime, thanks to me. I think I need taking care of myself tonight…”
“Tell you what: you stop drinkin’ now, I’ll come over later.”
“You’re gonna come over regardless. You can’t pass an opportunity to take care of me.”
“You takin’ advantage?”
“Oh, absolutely,” I said devilishly before grabbing the sides of his face and pulling him down for a kiss, not caring who saw and knowing one person in particular was eyeing the show. His hands found my waist and gripped firmly, which was unusual behavior for Frank; he wasn’t one for much PDA. If I decided to be a little frisky with him in public he gave me his usual stern look as he shook his head, neither encouraging or stopping me. Funny, maybe this was Frank with a few beers in him.
I had no complaints. And when I pulled away from him and caught Adrienne enjoying the view I gave her a wink. “Maybe you won’t have to talk to her after all…”
He looked over his shoulder and caught her quickly looking away, suddenly chatting it up with one of the bartenders. “I’m sure that wasn’t calculated at all.”
“If I learned anything about calculated moves it’d be from you.” I kissed his jaw once more before walking away, feeling recharged and ready to finish working so I could get home and cap off the night with Frank. On my way back to the party I passed Adrienne as she clearly avoided looking at me. “You enjoy the rest of your night, sweetheart,” I whispered in her ear, my cattier nature getting the best of me for the night.
I have a horrible sleep pattern (I always go to bed past 1 am and I feel dead every weekday) and idk how to stop it. I'm usually up doing homework, but on weekends I just cat sleep and end up on my phone. Basically my time management sucks. How do I fix these problems??
Hellooo! Ahh, this has been me after the holidays. For your homework, try setting time limits. It probably isn’t ideal for you anyway to be doing homework right up until bed. It’s best to have time to relax before you sleep. When I was in high school and the demand to have finished tasks daily was a lot higher, I would get up early rather than staying up late. I would finish at an easy point I could go back to and then get up at maybe 5 or 5:30am. I personally preferred to sleep earlier and wake up earlier than sleep super late. I felt I wasn’t as tired in the mornings. With your phone, perhaps trying to turn it off or leave it away from your bed. Check it for 10 minutes or something before you go to sleep but limit your time. In reality, the more you use it before you sleep the more awake you are.
When I was writing for The Academic Zine, I did an article about sleep hygiene and some tip on getting yours on track. I’ll copy and paste it below so you can have a read!
1. Plan your ideal sleep routine. The first step to improving your sleep hygiene is to make a plan. While a few early nights can get you started, fixing your sleep hygiene will not be instantaneous. If your internal body clock is out-of-sync such that you only feel tired at midnight, getting sleep is bound to be a tough process. We suggest making small and manageable goals.
Start by setting a goal, such as getting ready for bed half an hour earlier or reading a book instead of checking your Tumblr. Make adjusting your sleep pattern more enticing by tracking and monitoring it. Downloadable phone applications help gamify your attempts to improve your sleep patterns, giving you more motivation. They offer information including your movements during the night, how your day affected your sleep, and the progress you’ve made. If you don’t want to use your phone while you sleep, make a habit tracker. We all know the pleasure of crossing off another day of the month that you managed to stick to a new habit.
2. Turn your room into a sleep sanctuary. In order to sleep comfortably, it is important to make your bedroom a calming environment. Avoid studying in your bedroom or at least on the bed. Constantly using the bed for studying will weaken your brain’s association between being in bed and sleeping and instead associate it with working. Make the effort to use a desk or another room for studying so when your eyelids are drooping, you can go to your room, remove yourself from any stresses you’ve had, and take time to relax and recharge.
Get your sanctuary started by adjusting the light, temperature, and noise level. Use curtains or black-out blinds to make the room completely dark. If there is unavoidable light, you can try using a sleep mask. As the seasons change, it is natural to kick off the sheets or wrap up extra snuggly. However, if waking up because of temperature is a regular occurrence, take that as a sign to make a change. Try adding or removing a blanket, change your type of pajamas, and/or place a heater in the room on a low heat setting.
3. Prepare for the next day. As a student, I know how it feels to be tossing and turning because you’re worried about the next day. The easiest way to calm a racing mind is by preparing for the day ahead before going to bed. Small ways to prepare include organizing your bag, charging your phone, laptop, or tablet, and updating your planner or bullet journal.
4. Take time to relax before bed. After a stressful day or long study session, getting into a relaxed and calm mood is the best way to prepare your mind for sleeping. Taking the time to destress can help to reduce the feeling of anxiety by detaching your mind from the events of the day. You can try reading, journaling, drawing, doing yoga, or taking a warm shower. Make it a habit to put a relaxing activity at the end of your to-do list so you can finish the day on a positive note. Finding an activity that helps focus your attention, calm your mind, and that you enjoy can be perfect for a bedtime routine.
5. Things to avoid. Right before your head hits the pillow, it is best to avoid things like using your computer or phone for extended periods of time and consuming any substances like caffeine or alcohol. While it is always tempting to watch just one more episode of your favorite show before going to bed, the screen can make you feel more awake. The time gap between exposure to light and your bedtime impacts the melatonin in your body, which is the chemical that signals drowsiness and makes you feel tired.
6. Exercise during the day. Exercise is not only good for your mental and physical health but also your sleep quality. Studies have shown that people who exercise the recommended amount per week had significantly higher quality of sleep, felt more energized during the day, and had improved concentration when they did feel tired. Make the effort to have at least 150 minutes of exercise during the week. Try taking a walk, going to the gym, or joining an exercise class. It is best to finish any strenuous physical activity a few hours prior to going to bed. If you exercise before sleeping, any energy you didn’t direct towards the workout will keep you feeling alert rather than sleepy. Light activity such as yoga or mediation is recommended as a late night workout.
7. The art of napping. Napping was one of the best parts of childhood, right? Now it seems when you accidentally fall asleep you feel worse than you did before. That’s because you’re either not napping for long enough or waking up during the deepest part of the sleeping cycle. How much is the right amount?
1- 5 minutes (micro naps): great for having a small boost of energy and stopping that sleepy feeling.
10-20 minutes (power naps): enhances alertness and concentration, elevates mood, and sharpens motor skills. Coffee takes 20 to 30 minute to take effect so if you want to boost alertness, have a cup before napping.
45 minutes: helps to boost energy, creative thinking and boosts sensory processing. Try setting an alarm to avoid the feeling of sleep inertia, grogginess, and disorientation which comes with the next phase of sleep.
90 minutes: clear your mind, improve memory recall, and recoup lost sleep. By waking up after 90 minutes you’ll avoid the feeling of sleep inertia as you wake up from REM sleep.
8. Hack your sleep. Technology can make your sleep pattern more enticing by tracking your progress. Numerous apps available from the App Store or Play Store offer ways to see how your body responds through each phase of the sleep cycle. Try Sleep Cycle, Sleep Genius, or SleepBot. If you own a FitBit, try wearing it to bed. The app can set sleep goals, set an alarm, and track your sleep quality. Sleep calculators are also available (e.g. http://sleepyti.me) and allow you to nap without worrying about feeling groggy afterwards.
9. Avoid making a habit of all nighters. It is best to limit the number of times you are staying up all night even if it seems the only way to meet a deadline. Try using different time management methods – such as the Pomodoro technique – to avoid staying up all night. Making a habit of all night working sessions can, over time, decrease your concentration and result in poorer long term memory. If sacrificing sleep is the only way to meet a deadline, it is best to do it right. Try these tips:
top up your energy – take a nap, stretch a little, or drink a coffee.
eat protein – when you’re working hard, your body needs something to burn. Despite the tastiness of carbs, they store energy for later and can make you sleepier in the long term. Try including meat in your evening meal, or snacking on nuts and seeds.
move around – make an effort to take a break every now and then. Get up, stretch, move around, and reinvigorate yourself with energy.
music – keep yourself alert with some tunes. Instrumental songs or movie soundtracks often promote productivity and focus. If you’re feeling sleepy, put on your favorite song and have a silent sing along to get you back in the mood!
remove all distractions – if you’re texting a friend, watching a TV show, or checking your Facebook whilst attempting to finish a task, you’re wasting time. Having 20 minutes of concentration, followed by a 5-minute break, will be more effective than pausing every few minutes to reply to a message. If you use the Pomodoro technique, you can utilize your breaks to do this.
focus on one thing at a time – keep your concentration there until it’s done or it’s time to take a break. Multitasking when it is late will reduce your attentiveness to one task and could therefore reduce the quality of your work.
work at a desk – as aforementioned, avoid making a habit of using your bed for work. All-nighters are probably most comfortable in bed but after continuous use you’ll feel instantly more sleepy and unproductive as your brain is associating your bed with sleeping and relaxing. If you have a desk you can use during a late night work session, be sure to use it.
reward yourself the next day – after pulling an all nighter you need to recentralize your internal body clock. If you’re feeling tired, make an effort to go to sleep slightly earlier. Try taking a few hours to relax and do something you enjoy.
10. Stop mourning your mornings. Not everyone is a morning person, especially if you’re waking up super early. Setting a motivational routine can improve your morning mood. Set an alarm that doesn’t interrupt your sleep cycle. Sleep Cycle, as mentioned previously, wakes you up when your body is most alert which means the feeling of sleep inertia is reduced. When you get up, take two minutes to stretch. Allowing your body to stretch out after a long night sleep helps to rejuvenate our ligaments and release any tension in our joints. Washing your face with cold water or taking a shower help to make you fresh awake and fresh. Whether you eat straight away or get ready, make an effort to maintain your routine.
Summary: Because a random stranger dropping inside the room you haven’t left for years does have the tendency to change life as you know it.
A Nalu!Tangled AU.
Notes: For @ff-darkshininglight : Surprise, Tsuyu! It’s been an honour to be your (very fickle and hardly regular) Secret Santa! You are a wonderfully talented person and one of my favourite people to take out all my pent up shipper and frustrated-fan rants with. I feel so blessed to be able to call you a friend! Happy holidays, and I hope you enjoy this! <3<br>
This had never happened before.
In his entire 22 years of existence, the only significant movement that ever came from the one window in the tall tower that was his home, was when his brother came over.
And that was usually with a loud call of his name.
But now…now he could hear the steady sounds of someone scaling it - softly grunting the whole while.
He was very unsure of how to react. Sure, he could breathe and conjure fire, but the last thing he ever wanted to do was to hurt anybody.
He was pretty certain his appearance alone would do significant harm to the poor soul about to reach his quarters. He knew, since his brother had constantly, constantly warned him of the fear that he would bring.
But when one dainty human hand was visible on the ledge of his one window, he found himself ducking into the shadows, hoping against hope that that wouldn’t be the case.
He so desperately wanted to make a frien -
His thoughts were brought to a halt as the mystery person hauled themselves into the room, panting as they did.
As she did.
No, a woman!
He had only vaguely read about those, back when he had a small interest in books.
But no book could do any justice to the form in front of him.
Her long golden hair was pulled back and tied, allowing them to flow but not get into her eyes. She was wearing what looked like men’s clothes - trousers, a shirt, and a belt with rope, keys and a sword - but the way she wore them made him question what kind of clothing suited whom. They fit her frame well, complimenting it but also loose enough for comfortable movement.
She was a vision.
He instinctively took a few more steps back, avoiding the large patch of light coming from the window - which happened to be lending the stranger an almost ethereal glow.
And though it was instinctive, he found himself feeling safe hidden there. Well, relatively speaking, since his heart was still pounding a mile a minute.
He watched with a weird mix of anxiety and wonder as the person dropped from the ledge onto the floor, sitting down and catching her breath, before turning around to peek over the ledge.
Was she looking for something?
Suddenly she froze, and he did too in response, ready to attack if the unfortunate need arose.
He watched as one hand quickly darted to the sword on her hip. “I know you’re there,” she said, low but steady. “Are you one of my father’s men?”
But he was too busy being fascinated with what her voice was doing to him - unsure if he had ever heard anything as lovely before.
“Okay, that was stupid,” she seemed to correct herself under her breath. “Way to barge into someone’s place and then make seem yourself sooo unsuspicious, Lucy.”
He could hear all of it of course, and snorted at the sarcasm, making her jump. The action, in turn, scared him as well, but for totally different reasons.
“Please don’t leave!” he said in reflex.
The plea - for it was a plea - had her brows furrow and a frown form on her pretty face. Squinting into the shadows, she was obviously trying to make him out in the shadows.
‘A demon? A monster?’ his brain supplied on her behalf.
“Are you okay?”
He found himself mutely blinking back at her and the very simple question. A simple question that nearly plunged him into an existential crisis, with him questioning everything that was currently his life. No, his existence.
He was a monster, sealed away from the world for nearly all his life with only one person - his brother - who wasn’t scared of him.
So, was he okay?
“You..don’t have to be afraid of me,” her lovely voice came, snapping his thoughts back to her. “I don’t mean any harm,” she said, raising her hands so he could see she was being sincere.
He felt the need to respond bubble up in him, and for once, he did as he wanted. “Why are you breathing so hard?”
The woman’s face still seemed worried, though funnily enough, it didn’t look like it was herself she was concerned for when she distractedly replied, “Was running.”
He found himself stepping further into the shadows when she didn’t relent in trying to catch a glimpse of him. “Why?”
“I can’t tell you more until I know who you are,” she said gently, but with firm authority.
“I don’t want to scare you,“ he admitted.He didn’t want her leaving just yet. She didn’t seem like a threat - according to his instincts anyway - and he was far too fascinated to let her go. He barely recognised the other, more dominant emotion she drew from him, something he hadn’t truly felt in years.
“Why would you scare me?” she asked, genuinely puzzled.
He couldn’t respond to that, fearing that she would run if she knew. So he decided to do the easier thing - take a shot in the dark and step out of it.
He saw, his heart clutching in fear and dread as her eyes widened as he slowly slid into the patch of sunlight coming from the window.
“You…” she whispered, one palm reaching to cover her gaping mouth, the other pointing a finger at him.
He stood still, his heart frantic and his thoughts a mess. Everything he had ever been told was coming true. She was scared and she would run away, because he was the monster he was. The demon he was.
hey lorna! so your last fic really inspired me and i'm just your local struggling bisexual with Needs so i'd love a fic where robert really struggles with PDA with aaron one day? it can really be anything... in the village and robert's just having A Day with internalized homophobia/biphobia, or outside of the village somewhere and rob's used to his own little emmerdale bubble where everyone knows and doesn't even blink twice at him and aaron... i leave this in your highly capable hands
anna, this got out of hand, i won’t lie. i have a lot of feelings about robert and internalised homophobia and i could probably write a dissertation on it but i hope you like this ficlet anyway!!
Robert woke up that morning with a familiar ache in his chest, a familiar clench of fear that seemed to sink into every inch of his body, every muscle, every thought. He woke up, Aaron curled up next to him looking peaceful, and happy, and totally at ease, and it made Robert feel like he wanted to claw at his skin, an anxious feeling bubbling in his stomach.
Easing himself out of bed, Robert padded across the bedroom, closing the bathroom door behind him. He switched on the shower, sitting on the edge of the bath as he waited for the water to heat up.
Robert didn’t really know why he still felt like this sometimes. He’d been in a relationship with Aaron for close to two years now, and married for one of those years, and yet somehow, for some inexplicable reason, he sometimes still woke up feeling uncomfortable in his own skin.
Trying to shake off his thoughts, Robert stripped off his pyjamas, stuffing them into the laundry hamper that stood by their sink.
Their home. They’d been living in the Mill for close to eight months now, and it really felt like a home, mementos and proof of the life they’d built together everywhere, Aaron’s shampoo standing next to his in the shower rack.
It was all so normal.
It was normal because it was normal, Robert told himself, letting out a sigh of relief as he stepped under the boiling hot shower spray, hoping the water would wash away the queasy feeling he’d woken up with that morning.
He’d be fine if he just walked it off, Robert decided, going through his usual morning shower routine quickly. It was funny, the stark differences between the two of them - Aaron savoured every minute he got in bed in the morning, preferring to shower in the evening time when he came in from work, and Robert was more of a morning person, enjoying how a shower would wake him up before work, before he had to face the day.
Funny, small little differences between them, just like every other couple.
Robert dressed himself quickly, enjoying the feeling of going through the motions as he tucked his shirt into his trousers, buckling his belt tightly. He always took pride in how he looked, always liked how smart and professional he looked when he made the effort, deciding on a maroon coloured tie and a favourite blazer of his that morning.
It’s not as though he had anything special on, just a few meetings and a day in the portacabin, but Robert always felt better when he dressed up a bit. Maybe it was silly, maybe it was entirely vain of him, but as he headed downstairs to start on breakfast, he caught a glimpse of himself in the upstairs landing mirror, and a part of Robert felt more settled.
Felt more like his old self. Robert didn’t miss much of the man he used to be, but he sometimes missed the confidence he had so easily felt, all the time.
Still, he was better now. Better, happier, Robert thought to himself as he made a cup of coffee, the overly expensive coffee machine Aaron had raised an eyebrow at whirling to life, filling the quiet downstairs of the house with noise.
Happier, definitely happier.
The coffee was bitter and too hot as Robert gulped it down, the liquid burning at his insides. He should probably eat, too, but one glance at their cereal selection didn’t give him much of an inclination to eat.
He’d go to the cafe, later, if he got hungry. Robert scooped up his wallet and car keys, covering the speaker on the alarm so he could turn off the house alarm without waking Liv or Aaron up, the tinny voice that called out the alarm was off unbearably loud when the flat was this silent.
The fresh air felt like a relief as Robert stepped outside, sliding behind the wheel of his car.
He always felt better when he got behind the wheel of his car, windows down and the familiar hum of his engine the only company on the quiet road between their home and the scrapyard, the village quiet.
It was only half seven, after all.
Robert didn’t feel completely settled until he was behind his desk, immersed in the paperwork he needed to catch up on after a long weekend spent with Aaron, and Liv, with the Dingles, Aaron’s madcap family invading their garden for the first barbecue of the year, Victoria providing a small mountain of cakes and salads for the boisterous party.
Robert smiled to himself. That had been a good weekend, hadn’t it? A weekend spent with his family, enjoying the beginnings of the Yorkshire summer. Shaking his head again, trying to shake the thoughts from his mind as he turned his attention to the paperwork.
He must have been at it for hours, but the portacabin door opened around nine, Aaron arriving in, Adam in tow, and a bag from the cafe in hand. “Morning,” Aaron greeted with a smile, setting a cup of coffee down in front of Robert. “You were gone early this morning?”
“Mm, I had an early conference call, client in Germany,” Robert lied easily, taking a sip of the coffee. Americano, two sugars, his usual early morning coffee order, the perfect amount of sweet and bitter, the caffeine loosening out his system, making him feel more awake.
“It go alright?” Aaron inquired, setting one of the bagels he’d clearly bought on his way in down in front of Robert, Adam slumping into Aaron’s desk chair, munching on his own breakfast.
They were always slow to start, after a bank holiday weekend.
Robert nodded. “Ta for the breakfast,” he said quietly, realising now just how hungry he actually was.
“Noticed ya didn’t have anything,” Aaron shrugged, sitting on the edge of Robert’s desk as he ate. It was something Aaron had done a thousand times before, but Robert felt his heart start to race as Aaron bumped a knee against Robert’s, oblivious to Robert’s mounting panic as he told him some funny story about Brenda and the gossip she’d been spreading that morning.
He’d laugh, normally, but Robert felt strangely on edge, turned off his bagel almost instantly.
Aaron finished his breakfast, crumpling up the wrapping and tossing it at Adam’s head before he turned his attention to Robert, leaning in to kiss Robert just as Jimmy arrived to the portacabin, Nicola in tow that morning.
Robert kissed him back for a second before his nervousness turned to blind panic, his stomach churning as he scraped back his chair suddenly, scrambling for his keys. “I’ve got to go,” he said, his heart racing as he made for the door, only half aware of Aaron’s concerned call of his name.
He couldn’t get his hands to work, dropping his keys once, twice as he tried to unlock his car.
Summary: After Bucky comes to your aid in a moment of panic you extend an invitation to family dinner. Neither of you could have foreseen how this small act of kindness would alter you, and your life, forever.
Warnings: Mentions of cancer and death, self-harm. Swearing, as always. Pairing: Bucky x Reader Word Count:1481
He looked a bit surprised and taken aback at your sudden question but Tall Dark and Handsome answered honestly, “Nothing. I don’t really have family here so I usually spend holidays alone.” He shrugged, as if embarrassed, and you only became more determined by his answer.
“Good, that settles it then,” you grin up at him. “You’ll have Good Friday dinner with me.” Quickly writing down your address and phone number you shoved the paper in his hands and began to drive away.
You only made it twenty feet before your car screeched to a halt and you called out, “I’m Y/N, by the way!”
Laughing and shaking his head at the turn of events, he replied, “You can call me Bucky.”
The next morning you barely had time for a cup of coffee before the first of your family members began to arrive. Almost everyone lived in-state but because of your central location and five bedroom house, everyone tended to converge here.
Your oldest brother, and a very pregnant Karen, arrived first. Even though he lived the farthest away Jordan always tried to be first to arrive for three reasons. 1) He wanted first dibs on the loft above the garage, by far the best guest space, 2) he could set booby traps for the others, and 3) he rifled through your snack cupboard and hid all the mini eggs so he wouldn’t have to share.
As he set to work short sheeting the other beds, you set to work making tea for Karen and catching up on all the latest baby and wedding planning news.
You were plating lunch as two trucks pulled up; your other brothers were here. Jack and Michael were the middle kids, identical twins, and always competing. ALWAYS. About e-ver-y-thing. This moment was a perfect example. They lived together but chose to drive separately so they could race.
(Idk if requests are still open, but if they are) ooh okay so, how about the host's spending time with they're SO's family around Christmas? (Idk it could be cute)
Ahh I’m sorry this was done after Christmas but I still hope you like this! ~Admin MJ
•So into doing all the traditions you usually do in your family.
•He’d definitely make himself feel right at home, laughing and joking with your parent(s)/guardian(s)/sibling(s).
•Would get everyone in your family a gift so no one felt left out.
•This would mean a lot to him, as his family never came together for the holidays so spending time with a family would be a new experience.
•It’d be a bit of an argument to get him to come, but he’d cave in eventually.
•Wouldn’t partake in many games and such but would definitely enjoy seeing you have fun.
•He’d be surprised by the light atmosphere as it’s different from his home but he’d enjoy it.
•Surprisingly definitely would be down to watch holiday movies with you and your family.
•Would prefer to stay at his home but would go to yours for you.
•Less excited than his brother, but still thrilled to be spending time with you and your family.
•Definitely would enjoy decorating your home and seeing how pretty everything looks.
•Loves catching you under the mistletoe, no matter who’s around, which could lead to whistling from family members.
•So down to go, no persuasion needed.
•Truly excited to see how your family celebrates the holidays.
•A little quiet at first, only speaking when spoken to, but he’s eventually drawn into the holiday cheer and opens up to you family.
•Enjoys helping you wrap yours and your family’s Christmas gifts and is really good at it.
•So hyped up on sweets you’ve made he’s bouncing off the walls.
•Always offers help to your parent(s)/guardian(s) if it looks like they need it, and even if it doesn’t look like it.
•Gets along well with your younger sibling(s)/relatives, and always entertains everyone.
•Loves to snuggle up to you when you’re watching a holiday movie or playing a game (he’d end up winning the game, surprisingly to everyone who doesn’t know him).
•Would be quiet as ever but definitely is clearly pleased to be spending time with you and your family.
•He’d be the one to think of creative and simple gifts to give to your relatives and you, ones that had a lot of meaning behind them.
•A definite fan favourite of your younger relatives, they’d be drawn into his almost teddy bear-like aura
•Would be down to help with decorating tall places and carrying heavy things, anything to help you out.
•Would immediately get sucked into your family, not to her displeasure of course.
•Definitely would participate in all holiday activities you do, just to make you happy at the least.
•Would (unintentionally) charm your family with her honesty and straightforwardness.
•She’d be the host to get practical gifts for your family, but they would be well thought out too.
Pavilion street seemed more crowded than usual, and Suzu had been cursing the entire length of the street. “It’s not a holiday,” Suzu complained as he was jostled into Obi’s shoulder yet again. “There are no big sales going on. What is going on here?”
Obi had tuned him out some time ago. “Hm?” The pressure of the crowd eased a bit as they emerged into a square, but Obi came to a complete stop. Camels. Wool caps. Faces that he’d never met before but seemed somehow familiar.
Impatient, Suzu nudged him. “What, are you afraid of camels or something?”
“Nanaki!” A woman shouted, not far behind them, and Obi winced.
“Afraid of that,” he murmured and turned around, pasting a tolerant smile on his face. She’d found him again, after all this time.
“Nanaki,” she said again, less out of breath and more fondly now, and Suzu made a little noise of confusion. There was no time to explain right now.
Summary: where the reader is Jerome’s therapist (Harley Quinn) and they develop feelings for each other.
I sit in the metal chair starring at the empty red couch. I check my watch and sigh. 5 minutes late. I huff my breath cause my hair to fly out if my face. I tap my pencil on my note pad till the sound of the rusty door opens. I look behind me and see two guards on either side of my new and very first professional patient.
One guard turns to me with a worried look. “Are you sure you don’t want him in bonds?” “Yes I’m sure.” The guard nods and they both walk out closing the door and leaving the two of us alone.
“Welcome Jerome. My name is (y/n) (y/l/n). I’m here just to talk is all. Would that be okay?” I ask in a light voice making sure to use my words carefully not wanting him to snap. He nods and sits on the couch. “Ohh. Comfy!” He bounces up and down a few times causing me to giggle at his child like behavior.
He looks up at me and smirks. “When they told me I was gonna be put in therapy I expected an old broad with rotting teeth…not a beautiful girl like yourself. Tell me how old are you? You seem young to be getting this position.”
I blush slightly and look at my pad. “How about we make a trade? Next two weeks we talk about you and then if you want you can ask me anything and I’ll answer. Deal?” I stick my hand out to him asking for agreement. He grasps it and brings it to his lips kissing my skin tenderly.
“So Jerome let’s start at the beginning.” Jerome told me about his mother and how she was abusive. He even went into exact detail about how he killed her. That’s information the cops don’t even have; so for me to have it I feel very privileged.
We had gone over his whole story and all his memories in just 8 days. Right now he sits in the couch constantly moving around bored. “Can we play a game?” Jerome asks looking at me. I tilt my head to the side and smile. “What type of game?” Jerome stands up and talks around me. “Well…more like role play actually. You be me and I’ll be you.” “Honestly Jerome I don’t think you could pull this skirt off.” I say smirking at him. “Oh you’d be surprised, but what do you say? It’ll be fun! We’re not exactly doing anything productive anyhow.” I sigh and look at this mad man. “You Mr. J are sure one of a kind.” I giggle and go sit on the couch.
Jerome picks up my pad of paper and pencil and sits straight up acting professional as possible. “Now (y/n) let’s start from the beginning.”
“Well my parents were nice people, good people, but my mother was killed in a car crash. After that my father started drinking and he soon became abusive. I stayed out as much as possible, but that didn’t work because when I came home he got upset and beat me. One day the neighbors heard my screaming and called the cops. I was taken away and into a safer home. That was when I was 10 and since then I’ve been missing something. In school I was always called weird just because I never fit in. I started home school when I was 16 and finished all my education earlier then all my school mates hence why I’m so young and have my job.” I breath deeply trying to hold in tears.
“You know the same pain as me. The one thing I need is someone to laugh with and just love me. Maybe even join me in my crime.” Jerome says as he writes something down on the pad. “Yes! Exactly!” I exclaim siting up. Jerome stares at me and smiles; his lips stretched wide and his teeth showing. “Who’s someone who makes you happy (Y'n)?” Jerome asks while staring at me with soft eyes. I know what you’re thinking. How unprofessional she is. Falling for her patient. Not to mention he’s a psychopath. You sure do know how to pick em! “Well I would have to say you J. We’ve become friends and you make me laugh and feel wanted I guess. I don’t have many friends so it’s nice.” Jerome smiles at my answer. “Well (y/n) you got one now.” He smiles once again but it’s not the menacing creepy smile he gives. It’s filled with actual happiness, and maybe some soft of affection.
“What’s your favorite holiday (y/n)?” I look at him strange confused by the sudden subject change. “Um Halloween actually. I always go to this once costume party with my one friend.” “How exciting! What do you dress as doll?” I blush looking down at my fingers. “Usually harlequin.” “The clown character? Huh. Interesting.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “Interesting how?” “Well if you just change up the letters slightly or miss say it you could get the name Harley Quinn. Ever thought of a name change (y/n)? It would suit you.” I ponder on the name. Harley Quinn. Not bad I must say.
Suddenly a beeping sound is heard meaning our time is up for today. “Ugh. Come on doll don’t send me back yet. We’re having fun!” Jerome sighs dramatically slumping in the old rusting chair. I giggle walking over to him and resting my fingers under his chin and pulling his eyes up to mine. “Same time tomorrow J. I promise.” I kiss his cheek quickly, but he holds my neck and pulls me back to him, and presses his lips against mine. He’s are cold, but surprisingly soft. Jerome pulls back to my dismay. “Same time tomorrow doll.” He winks and walk to the door for the guards to come and escort him back.
I walk home and unlock the door to my appartment turning the light on making my surroundings known. Especially the unknown man sitting on my couch. I gasp and quickly pull out my gun from my vase by the door. “Who are you?” “Nice response time. Could use that.”
I walk closer with my gun pointed right at his head. “Who are you?” I ask once more. “Theo Galavan. I’m here to help you.” “Help me? I don’t need any help.” “No? Not even with a certain inmate at Arkham?” I lower my gun slightly but still keep my guard. “What do you mean by that?” “Oh drop your act Ms.(Y/l/n). It’s not hard to see you have feelings for Jerome, but seeing as his current placement it’d be hard to grow any type of romantic side. I can help get him out.” I lower my gun fully and stare at the man. “What’d you have in mind?” Galavan smirks and pats the seat next to him.
“Keep out of reach of children” they say.
They install safety caps to keep all the jam hands out and safe.
But I was a kid and I needed saving.
I went to the doc with a bullseye rash behind my knee, I needed him to help me and instead…
Instead he said he’d give me $75 dollars if I could lose fifty pounds.
How does a child know what’s best for them? They trust you. I blamed all of my pain on my weight.
It ate away at me whenever I ate, “you’re doing this to yourself”
It made me hate my body and I’m still pulling my way out.
Living with chronic pain is a physical and emotional nightmare.
I want to shed some light on all the tiny moments that people like me deal with.
What is it like to live with disease? It’s letting you inside my head.
It’s snapping at my mother because she is flicking her fingernails too much and she gulps her drink down so hard I can hear it go down into her stomach. I snap at my best friend and I can’t help it sometimes.
It’s not being able to tolerate my niece talking so much, saying my name over and over even though I love her with all my heart because it’s like sensory overload.
It’s not being able to play the game we made up because Aunt Jooge can’t run up and down the stairs that much.
It’s her seeing me cry on a bad day and giving me a hug.
Does she know she has a sick aunt? And yet she loves me anyway.
It’s wanting to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the kitchen floor with a special guy my whole life and suddenly I’m not supposed to eat jam or peanut butter or bread.
I wish people could see every moment where I have to try to turn food down.
I feel disappointed when it’s a holiday and I’m not supposed to eat the candy and I feel guilty when I give in, so it never feels good.
It’s hiding my foodstamp card in line because usually no one can see from the outside that I’m sick, and I’ve seen all the Facebook posts about how"unfair" it is.
It’s missing my job every single day.
It’s only having a car to use on weekends unless I ask really nicely because I can’t save up for one of my own yet.
It’s that gulp in my throat when I meet the most interesting guy and I have to tell him about my circumstances.
It’s seeing someone you haven’t seen in a while and when you’re trying to fill them in on your life, you can only think of your medical history.
It’s waiting, and waiting and waiting for the right answers.
It’s people making you think you’re crazy, not believing you, telling you it’s all inside your head as if the ultimate dreamer would choose this.
I am the ultimate dreamer.
It’s having to fight for yourself every day because you know your body better than anyone else, fighting for them to finally listen.
It’s being afraid because when your legs went numb, you were riding your bike. When your neck hurt, it was after you took vitamins. When you had an allergic reaction, you ate pistachio ice cream. When your back started hurting, it was after the steroids. How do you know what triggers it? Happenstance?
It’s being willing to test out medications to get you better but some make you pass out, some make you suicidal, some make your whole body swell with hives.
It’s trying not to itch those hives.
It’s being hot in the dead of winter and sleeping with the window open, and staying out of the sun when you’re on an antibiotic.
It’s not wanting to disappoint your friends or family but really you need time and rest.
It’s wondering if someone will choose you when they could have someone healthy.
How hard it is to see that maybe someone has been looking for your heart and all you have to offer even if they have to be there through the bad times.
It’s buying the ticket and hoping you’ll be able to make it.
It’s using all your energy to stand all day at a concert cause you’ve gotta see this band.
It’s getting jealous of people who can take the garbage out without a second thought.
It’s not being able to keep up on household chores and drinking the stale water on your nightstand on a bad day.
It’s making your mom stay up a bit longer so she can check on you while you sleep cause you’re genuinely afraid something could go wrong.
It’s not being able to try out for a musical because I don’t know how treatment will effect me.
It’s having some people think they could handle whatever is happening to you better than you are.
It’s “oh you must have a low pain tolerance.”
It’s reading this poem out loud and getting sick to your stomach.
I am where I am right now and I’m finally seeing a specialist and I never know where my life is headed.
Maybe one day I’ll be singing on stage in an amazing band, maybe I’ll have my own bakery, maybe I’ll look back at this time of being strong like damn girl, you are out of this world.
Maybe I’ll go into remission and work so hard for it.
Maybe I won’t get as well as I hope but that doesn’t mean I can’t figure out a good life.
I know I’ll figure out how to be happy. I know I will try my hardest to get where I want to go.
I will keep going. I will knock the controller out of life’s hands just as it’s about to beat me at Mario Kart.
But it’s okay to have all these inner thoughts inside of you and I want people who suffer to know, they’re not alone in these thoughts.
It’s alright to not be alright sometimes and borrow a little bravery.
I'm so sorry, I don't how I ended uo unfollowing you ;-; Headcanons for Gaara and his s/o before their wedding the next day? Like how would he feel and how would he prepare himself for married life?
Aw, this is such a cute ask!
Honestly, when Gaara gets married, it’ll be a national holiday, because it’s almost unheard of for a Kage to get married. Usually they are already married before going into the position, or they marry after they leave the position, so when one gets married while in the position it’s a big deal. And it’s especially a big event for Gaara, because he’s really done a lot with Suna in the years that he’s led the country: led them through a war, lifted them out of the recession, made them into one of the most successful shinobi villages in the world, etc. So they are all so grateful for him and so happy that he’s found someone. Maybe they feel a little guilty too bc they treated him like shit when he was a kid but that’s another story
I feel like even though he is Kazekage, his actual wedding would be pretty small and private. I’m sure that there was some bigger celebration or something, just to appease the political side of everything, but the actual wedding was small. His family and friends and his S/O’s family and friends and that’s about it for the wedding. Though he did invite all of the political leaders and anyone else his advisors pushed for to a celebratory gathering, because that’s the proper political thing to do.
He acts relatively calm for the most part. Of course he has the same “day of” jitters that anyone would have, but he’s not overwhelmed truthfully. His lack of anxiousness is mainly caused by the fact that he’s already a hundred percent reassured with whoever is he about to marry, so he doesn’t really worry about anything pertaining to them. The only thing that he’d possibly be worried about is the amount of others around him or him messing up on one of the vows or something minor; his worry would be more focused on himself; he has absolute faith in his fiance.
Throughout the entire day, he goes though a lot of memories, and just tries to process them and figure out how he even ended up where he is today. Before the wedding, he does a lot of thinking, recalling all of the little moments that brought him there, because part of him is still in disbelief that he’s made it this far. There have been plenty of times throughout his life where he didn’t even think he’d have a single friend and that he’d probably die alone consumed by anger and hate, but now he’s about to marry this amazing and caring person, and it can be a lot to process when you start out life like he did.
He feels kinda lonely on his wedding day, just because he doesn’t get to see his S/O until much later in the day. It’s a bit surreal for him, because whenever he’s not wrapped up in Kazekage work, he’s with them, so now he’s just trying to figure out what to do since he doesn’t get to see them until the wedding. And it certainly doesn’t help that his house is filled with tiny little things that remind him of his S/O, or he’ll see something on the streets and it’ll remind him of her.
Of course Kankuro, Naruto, and all the others are with him, but it’s certainly not the same.
He’s restless the entire day. He’s pacing, fidgeting, etc. It’s not even because of overwhelming nervousness, but just the fact that he wants this strange waiting period to be over and wants to be around his S/O.
This totals follows with one of my other headcanons that Gaara fell in love with an Academy teacher, but whatever. The entire Academy had the day off, because the director knew for a fact that Gaara’s S/O was so dedicated to her students that she would have still had class the day of her wedding, just because she loves her students so and wants them to succeed, so the director just canceled it all together.
The fact that she wouldn’t voluntarily take the day off totally didn’t bother Gaara at all, because it just shows one of the reasons why he feel in love with her. He just admires that selflessness and dedication to everyone else and hope for the future that she embodies, and it amused him a bit that the director shut the Academy down because of it
I honestly don’t think that Gaara would have that much of a rough time adjusting to married life, because he kind of already knows how his S/O is and what they expect. He probably held off on marrying them for long enough that they ended up already acting like they were married before the actual union, so there wouldn’t be that much to adjust to.
When he finally does get to see his S/O as she walks down the aisle, he’s a blushing mess and has this cute little smile across his face, and it’s just precious
Can u remimd me that i'm not a freak? All i keep thinking is that no one will believe me if i say i'm a boy or no one will accept me. Or that if i date they'll never see me as their boyfriend. I can imagining that i can run away when i'm 18 to be myself but then my mom will talk about future thanksgivings or christmas. Then i tell myself i can't transition. And i have no one who has felt this way too, no one who understands how i feel. I don't want to be seen as a freak. Cuz thats how i feel rn
You definitely aren’t a freak.
You’re a boy- regardless of anything else.
You’ll find a relationship with a person who sees you exactly as you are, and not as a girl, because you aren’t one.
Your mother will celebrate Christmases/thanksgiving/other holidays as usual with you (if you choose to stay), only now she’ll know she’ll have a son to celebrate with.
You’ll be okay, but you need to remember to do what makes you happy, and that won’t be forcing yourself into not transitioning, if that’s what you want to do.
Anonymous: hey! could you write a Ricky horror one about the reader and Ricky visiting and staying her parents but they don’t really approve of him and he gets a little upset so she tries to make him feel better (with some fluffy smut of you want lol) thank you so much!
- six identical pairs of jeans
- four grey t-shirts that came in a pack at Target
- one pair of worn out Converse
- that shirt with the bullseye on the front
- tac suit and combat boots
- black jacket, no drawstrings in the hood, zipper sticks
- hanging bag that holds the suit he bought because Coulson told him every gentleman needs a suit - two nice button down shirts, also Coulson - custom screen printed shirt that just says ARROWS across the front
- three Polos, tags removed, wrinkled and obviously worn
Why three Polos? Why does Clint Barton own three Polo shirts?
Clint takes Natasha finally-off-probation Fury’s-really-paying-me-for-sitting-in-a-holding-cell Romanoff shopping. She needs something besides S.H.I.E.L.D. issue t-shirts and sweats. Clint takes her to a strip mall. Target, one of those discount outlet stores, a shoe place with BOGO deals. Natasha is offended. Shopping trip over, “I am not getting out of this car, Barton,” and “Is this a joke to you?” and “Doesn’t your nation’s capital have Sephora?”
Clint doesn’t know what the fuck a Sephora is or why it’s relevant so he gives her a “You know what, Red??” and turns the car around straight back to S.H.I.E.L.D. because there’s nothing wrong with Target.
Coulson asks why they’re back so soon.
“Because she’s insufferable.”
“He took me to Target.”
“I’m so sorry” sincerely from Coulson.
They try again the next day, minus Clint. It’s awkward at first, sure, but Coulson takes her to get a Prada jacket and matching boots and he finds a Sephora and doesn’t complain when she spends an hour playing with makeup. They have a nice lunch, real actual vegetables, nothing fried, no burgers, cloth napkins and a glass of wine each.
“I should get Barton something,” she says over dessert. A thanks-for-not-shooting-me gift.
“Oh?” is all Coulson says, all polite interest. He’s going to make her ask. He probably wants her to elaborate on why she feels like buying Clint a gift.
“Do you know what he likes?” she finally asks. Coulson considers for a minute, looking thoughtful.
“How about a nice Polo shirt?”
That’s easy enough. Natasha picks a deep purple one and has it wrapped in tissue paper and put in a box. No wrapping paper though. You don’t wrap thanks-for-not-shooting-me gifts, too formal.
Clint feels a little guilty by the time they get back. Natasha looks happy, way happier than after their shopping trip the day before. He feels even worse when she hands him the box, a present, and he really doesn’t deserve a present.
He opens it anyway and it’s a stupid collar shirt. He doesn’t even own a shirt with a collar, unless you count the two button downs he’s never worn.
He hitches up a grin and says “Thanks, Red!” in a believable tone and lifts the shirt out of the tissue paper. Natasha’s smile is for him now, and he knows he’ll wear the dumb shirt.
He does wear the dumb shirt, because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. He tries to find something positive about it, but it isn’t even Hawkeye purple, it’s a few shades too dark. It has three little buttons near the top and he doesn’t know what to do with them, and the collar itches and touches his neck, and some of the other agents ask him what’s up with the shirt and some of them make a game out of playing a whip cracking noise on their phones when he walks past, on the days he wears it.
Coulson presses his lips together, trying to hide a smile, every time he sees Clint in the Polo and he knows Coulson pushed Nat into buying it. He gives Coulson sneers when he catches him grinning.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he lets it fall out of rotation in his wardrobe. He puts it in front of the button downs and behind all his other shirts, in order of fancy-ness should Nat ever be in his closet and ask about it, because he absolutely didn’t shove it back there unceremoniously to be rid of it.
Coulson, for his part, starts to feel bad about using Natasha for a prank, and as Clint’s birthday gets closer he pulls her aside and confesses, just in case another Polo was in Clint’s future.
“Don’t apologize!” Natasha says, eyes bright, bouncing on her toes. “This is WONDERFUL!”
And she’s gone, back down the corridor.
Clint gets another Polo for his birthday, light blue, to match his eyes Natasha says. He gives Coulson the finger while Nat’s back is turned.
This one puts her in mind of the purple one, and she asks about it, so now he has to wear two of the stupid collar shirts.
It’s Christmas a few weeks later and he doesn’t even want to open his gift from Natasha because it’s a shirt box. It doesn’t rattle, but it crinkles a little when he shakes it. It’s exactly the weight of another Polo shirt, but surely she doesn’t hate him that much–
It’s another Polo shirt. Bright red. At least the bloodstains won’t show up when he pounds Coulson’s face in.
No gifts for New Years, thank God. He wears the stupid purple collar shirt to the S.H.I.E.L.D. office party. Natasha grips the collar at midnight and pulls him down to kiss his cheek, and just for a moment or two he doesn’t hate the shirt so much.
The feeling doesn’t last. It’s business as usual after the holidays and he corners Coulson in his office, but not to punch him for the dumb prank.
He’s all “How do I tell her without hurting her feelings?” and “I hate my life I can’t wear these dumb collar shirts anymore. Can I be a nudist? Would she buy that?”
Clint sounds so distraught and genuinely concerned that Coulson puts his pen down and looks up from his file and tells him “Natasha knows you hate the shirts. She’s doing this on purpose.”
It takes a minute for it to register. Natasha’s just Natasha now, not Natalia or the Black Widow or even the same girl he tried to take shopping at a strip mall. Natasha Romanoff pranked him. Intentionally. On purpose. For fun.
Clint pulls his phone out of his pocket and presses it to his ear.
“Asshole!” he says when she picks up, but he’s smiling, a stupid grin that bleeds through into his tone.
“You’re dead, Romanoff!”
Yo! How about Reaper trying to kiss his usually serious and tsundre s/o under the mistletoe but instead they smooch him and walk away blushing?
A/N - I have no idea what happened with this…
When there are days of celebration, Reaper is one to celebrate. It’s one of the only things that make him feel human, also reminds him of the days when he was Gabriel Reyes.
Christmas is a holiday that played a big part in his life from before, he had Overwatch as his family, he could genuinely smile and laugh. But now he doesn’t know what to do when it comes to these times of celebration.
As the masked man walked through the corridors of the Talon he noticed that tinsel hanged across the walls. It wasn’t there beforehand. So Reaper followed the trail until he found you hammering a nail into the wall then putting the tinsel over it, moving along and repeating.
“What are you doing?” You gave no reaction and just turned to look at Reaper seriously. “Putting up tinsel. What’s it look like?” Reaper simply scoffed. “Never thought you were the one to do the decorating.” A smirk was hidden by his mask as he pin pointed you. “What, am I not aloud to. I may be serious but I do have my moment. Besides your not one to talk anyway.” After a few seconds of silence you continued on your work and Reaper walked away.
Reaper started to think about Christmas, what people do during this celebration, what Gabriel used to do.
Eventually one memory came to what’s left of his mind. Mistletoe. People often placed it in areas where multiple people would be and if two people where under it they would have to kiss.
You were the first thing that came to mind. He thought of kissing you. He could imagine both of you in a home filled with warmth from the fireplace, he could see the tree in the corner, he could see you in his arms- “Reaper.” He snapped his head up to the source of the voice. “What?” His voice was lower and angrier than it usually was. “Here’s the files you wanted.” Sombra placed the usb on Reaper’s desk before leaving with a perplexed look. Reaper sighed and slumped slightly against the desk with annoyance.
For the next few days he kept thinking about the thoughts he’s had a few days ago, he realized every time he saw or thought about you he felt odd. It was a fluttery feeling. He shouldn’t be able to feel anything at all. But he does feel and express his anger and annoyance- mostly towards Sombra and her antics, so shouldn’t he be able to feel other things? Other things such as love?
These thoughts frustrated him.
He wanted to kiss you. But at the same time he wanted to punch himself in the face for thinking so. But he wanted to kiss you, he wanted to be with you. But he was a monster so he couldn’t. But you didn’t treat him as one. His mind became clouded with ‘Buts’ .
Suddenly something pinged inside him, like he was gaining a memory. It was a memory on his emotions, he’s been through this before.
What was it?
It started to make sense to him.
Many questions came to his mind at this topic but he shut them out. He just needed to think on how to pursue these feelings. Considering his ‘situation’ he shouldn’t do anything also the fact that you work together.
The decaying man groan angrily and punch the wall next to him.
Why must things be so difficult?
After lots of thinking he decided it was easier to pursue the feelings, get let down so that way they have a reason to disappear and the torture can stop.
With the fact that Christmas was coming around and he can remember the whole mistletoe thing, he’ll go with that.
The grim reaper like man sauntered around the Talon base in search for you. He was like a predator hunting down his prey. He eventually found you in one of the office-like spaces setting up more decorations.
You felt a looming presence behind you, one you’ve felt many time. “What’s up grim reaper?” You turned around to face him so he knows that he has your full attention, he’s still your boss after all. “I believe you’re missing something.” He held a mistletoe above the both of you. You looked up at the mistletoe indifferently and reached up to grab it. “Guess I am.” You said as you picked it of his grasp and turned around about to take a step before turning back around. You reached up to Reapers mask, lifted it and gave a quick peck before turning back around to place the mistletoe in the door way and scurrying away. The blush on your face was far from unnoticeable.
All that the man could do was stare into the vacant space and poof into his wrath form unable to concentrate on what happened.
okay but imagine an Enjolras who secretly loves Valentine's Day
anon, but imagine it when he and Grantaire are in a relationship
Enjolras is a sap once you get underneath all his layers of causes
He’ll leave cute anonymous notes for the Amis when they’re having bad days, once even getting Grantaire a new set of paintbrushes after finding out Bossuet had accidentally stepped on and broke some of them.
(psh. Just circumstance. Totally gave the gift to R for Platonic™ reasons)
Courfeyrac can attest to trying to get Enjolras into the celebration for several years, to no avail
Grantaire picked up Courf’s tradition about a year about he met Enjolras, antagonizing him about young love and “hedonistic desires”
“It’s a capitalist marketing scheme that tricks gullible teenagers into putting money in the pockets of the top 1%, Grantaire!”
So when Grantaire and Enjolras start dating, even though the ‘little shit’ part of Grantaire would enjoy teasing the hell out of his boyfriend (“holy shit?? boyfriend?? what?? how??), he doesn’t want to screw things up between them so early on
On Valentine’s Day, Enjolras is only a little disappointed (okay. a lot disappointed) that Grantaire didn’t plan anything.
“But he always talks about how it’s not as bad of a holiday as I make it out to be, Ferre !!” “I’m sure he’s just being considerate, Enj. You’ve made it perfectly clear you detest the very notion of chocolate.”
Grantaire could sense something was up with Enjolras all day. He isn’t focused, keeps spacing out more than usual, and seems sad?
He decided to confront Combeferre, who explains the situation and makes him feel like an idiot
That night, when Enjolras gets back from a poli sci lectures, he finds his boyfriend in his kitchen, making him a three course meal
There’s flowers and candles on the table, and a stack of cheesy rom-coms on the counter
Needless to say, they don’t make it thirty minutes into the first movie