how have i never put all these in one gifset before

Soo… I saw Rogue One again last night on IMAX. Some random thoughts:


In the bunker while little Jyn waits for someone to get her, in the low glow of the lantern light, you can see her silent tears rolling down her face. At eight, she learned how to cry silently. I imagine that, until she saw her father’s holo on Jedha, from eight until twenty-two, it was the only way she ever cried if she cried at all: alone and without a sound.

I’ve been pronouncing Chirrut’s name wrong for months now. I’ve seen this movie twice before. His name is not a text post. What the hell is wrong with me?

You can see how much Jyn and Saw cared for each other when they reunite on Jedha. There’s a lot of hurt, but also a lot of love that never went away.

The looks on Baze and Bodhi’s faces when they see NiJedha destroyed breaks my heart. You see it pass through their eyes: their home is gone, everyone they ever knew is now dead; incinerated.

I got chills every time Cassian shouted “JYN!” because this guy has no chill and I love it.

Jyn lashes out at Cassian after Eadu because he has lied to her and had intended to kill her father, but it strikes me that the hurt is amplified because up until then, she has trusted him more than she has trusted anyone else in almost a decade. And like in the novel, she doesn’t just feel like he lied to her–many people have lied to her–she feels betrayed because he mattered, and he’s shown that she matters to him somehow, too.

The first time I watched it, I was totally in the uncanny valley with Tarkin. Less so the second time, and this third time, I was like oh yeah, that’s cool, that looks fine.

TARKIN IS TALL. I never noticed this before, but he’s a giant. After we got home from the movie, we put on A New Hope and yep, Tarkin was always super tall, but he looked average sized because he was always standing next to Darth Vader who is a giant.

The lack of personal space, oh my gawd. I mean I noticed it the last two viewings and obviously during all the times I stared moonily into the various gifsets, but seeing it on IMAX, like whoa. They’re six inches away from each other practically every time they speak. One stumble and they’re making out. WHY DID THEY NOT STUMBLE EVER? STUPID SURE-FOOTED REBELS.

Ben Medelsohn nails the look of terror when Krennic meets Vader. By all accounts from the Rogue One press tour, he was legit terrified when he shot those scenes, and it shows, and it’s perfect.

Felicity Jones is fucking amazing in this part and I’m literally the fight me emoji (ง'̀-‘́)ง to all the haters because if all you want is obvious scenery-chewing to represent deep emotion, then get out of my face you clowns.

By the time we get to “welcome home,” Jyn and Cassian are so into each other, like, I cannot even.

Oh, Bodhi. You were key to all of this. Your bravery was the first domino to fall. Without you, none of this would have happened. And then, taking charge on Rogue One. Giving orders. What a change from the shell-shocked, post-Bor Gullet Bodhi on Jedha. Galen would have been proud of you, too.

When Baze smiles my heart melts a little bit and then I die inside because he’ll be dead soon, too.

“Your Father Would Be Proud” kicks in as soon as Cassian saves Jyn from Krennic on the tower, and I was barely holding my shit together right then and there.

THE LOOKS IN THE TURBOLIFT LIKE WTF CAN I JUST FREEZE TIME AND LIVE IN THAT MOMENT FOREVER? OK. THANKS. I THINK I’M PREGNANT NOW?

Jyn and Cassian walking to the beach is like peak handsomeness and beauty. Goddamit, Diego and Felicity. And goddamit, Gareth Edwards, you done good.

THE HUG ON THE BEACH IN IMAX PLZ SEND HELP.

Every single one of them died knowing that they had completed their piece of the mission. Bodhi patched through to the Alliance. Baze and Chirrut turned on the master switch. Kaytoo helped Jyn and Cassian get the data file. Jyn and Cassian successfully transmitted the plans. But none of them never knew for sure if the Alliance got the plans. They’d never know that the Death Star would be destroyed. They’d never know that they were all parts in the sum of the whole. But they all died knowing they gave it everything they had to give.

hi, i’m gonna show you how i coloured the training scene gifs from this gifset bcs i know it’s a god damn struggle to get that stupid magenta red blue out of Magnus face and i know this may not be the perfect colouring for it yet but!!! i want to share it with you guys!! 

i’ll show you how to go from this

to this!

the tutorial is under the cut :) 

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Sometimes, Noora doesn’t understand how this is her life.

“Is he dead?”

She sighs and takes another sip of lukewarm (read: fucking freezing) coffee. Her legs, which had been folded up since about 3 in the morning, have finally gone from the charming pins and needles to just straight numb. Eskild is at the doorway of the living room, (his own steaming mug of coffee mocking her) as he nods to the lump on the couch. 

“Not yet.” The boy on the couch gives a small snuffle and Noora raises an eyebrow, “though he might wish he was when he wakes up.”

Eskild sighs nostalgically, “Those were the days.”

Those were the days

Noora snorts because she has been Eskild’s roommate for a while and she can assure all inquiring parties that those days were far from over. “Eskild, you literally crawled in the doorway Friday night. Like hands and knees crawled.”

“Touche, mon amour.” He blows on the rim of his mug, “So is this a thing now? Are we just collecting drunk strays?”

You started it, she wants to say, but it feels wrong to do so without Isak here to flip her off. But speaking of.

“Favor from our favorite wayward roommate.”

“Ah yes, how is baby Isak? I miss him.” Noora opens her mouth to respond but before the words can come, there is a faint groan, and then the boy on the couch wrinkles his nose. Eskild backs up, clutching his chest, and half hides behind the wall, “Never mind. Have fun with drunkie over there.”

“Last time you helped me with Elias!”

He was positively aghast, “Last time there was potential for a romantic connection! This is Jonas. I’d say Isak was straight before I’d say Jonas was… not straight. Now I have to go- my bunny slippers are not going to be a victim of boy vomit again.”

And with that, he disappears and Noora is left on her own. Perfect.

Jonas groans again, looking all too pitiful under wild and frizzy curls. Long dark lashes (and fuck Jonas for getting long dark eyelashes while she has to put on layers of mascara to look like she has lashes) flutter open, then there is a another groan, flutter closed, a louder groan, and finally flinch back open again.

Noora untangles herself from the chair and hovers over Jonas’s face, “If you throw up on me, I’m going to blast Justin Bieber so loud, he’ll be ringing in your ears for days.”

Jonas’s eyes were bloodshot and hazy, but they were attempting to focus. “Noora? What the fuck?”

“You’re hungover.”

“I think I’m still drunk,” he squints, “do you have a twin or am I seeing double?”

Noora hands him a glass of water, and when he spills it all over himself, holds it to his mouth, “This isn’t how i pictured my Saturday morning going.”

Jonas hums in agreement, and pulls away from the water, “Thanks.”

He leans back for a few moments, dark eyes flicking back and forth over Noora’s face under even darker eyebrows and Noora like, blinks and looks away, setting the abandoned water glass off to the side. 

“Huh,” Jonas says after a moment, but the sound is almost garbled. When Noora arches an eyebrow in question, shaky fingers come up, grazing over strands of escaped blonde hair from Noora’s bun, “Your hair is so beautiful.”

Then Jonas jerks back, takes a breath, and pukes all over the side of the couch and onto Noora’s favorite flower socks.

She has her phone connected to the loud-speaker blasting out ‘Baby’ as loud as it can go in seconds.

John and Mary’s A+ parenting

If season 12 has shown us anything, it’s how very similar John and Mary actually are. Here are some of the most obvious instances:

1. Not taking it for valid/not being happy about their son’s rightful anger and/or hurt and trying to forbid it:

“You’re right. Although I’m not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you’re right.” - John to Dean (1x21), after Dean calls him out on the fact that they were never able to reach him when they needed him. Because it’s completely unreasonable for Dean to feel angry and deeply hurt that John didn’t bother picking up the phone when Dean was dying.

“Do not give me the face.” - Mary to Dean (12x13), when he rightfully looks at her in utter disappointment and betrayal after her confession. Dean didn’t even say anything yet, but apparently he’s not even allowed to look at her in a certain way to express his feelings.

2. Looking pleased and proud when their son is catering to their every need, while he puts himself and his own choices/wishes last:

John’s speech to Dean in the hospital (2x01) and his elated smile while he talks about how proud he is of Dean for taking care of Sammy and their whole family his entire life, sacrificing his own childhood in the process. And then basically telling him to continue to do so.

Mary looking so delighted and pleased (12x14) when Dean tells her that she can make her own choices and his feelings on them don’t matter.

3. Forcing one of their children into the position of having to choose between their parent or brother, and thus causing a rift in their relationship:

John’s parentification of Dean and making him responsible for Sam’s well-being, while at the same time brainwashing him into following his orders which more often than not had nothing to do with Sam’s best interests. Thus putting Dean into the impossible position of making both of them happy with his actions (basically all their childhood and season 1).

Mary trying to convince Dean to talk to her and agree with her on working with the BMoL and when it doesn’t work, contacting Sam even though she knows that Dean is completely against it. Thus playing/manipulating them against each other and forcing Sam into the situation to pick between his mom and his brother (12x14).

4. Lamenting about what they want for their children, instead of asking them what they actually want/need.

“I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want….I want Mary alive. It’s just….I just want this to be over.” - John to Sam (1x21). It would have been in John’s power to give them at least some of these things. He could have encouraged Sam to go to college and he could have given Dean a stable home while growing up. Nobody forced him to drag his children around the country and letting them live in shitty motel rooms, when they needed exactly the opposite. But his thirst for revenge and his guilt were stronger than his need to provide some safety and support for his children.

“We’ve got a real shot here. A world without monsters. A world where you and Dean don’t have to hunt, where you can have normal lives. (…) You were going to school, to college. (…) That’s why I’m doing this. That is what I’m fighting for.” - Mary to Sam (12x14). A lovely thought, sure. But does she ever ask if that’s even what they want anymore? Sam tells her that he chose this life. He’s been content with his life and hunting during the last two seasons and at peace with himself like we’ve never seen before. Dean even told her in the very first episode after she came back that this is their life and that they’re doing something good and that it’s worth it. They’ve grown up and their lives may not be what Mary envisioned, but her desire to change the status quo comes from her own needs and guilt and nowhere else.

5. Abandoning their sons when they need them and only showing up when they feel like it/need something.

John leaving them alone for days/weeks in shitty motel rooms when they were only children. John not being accessible for them, when they desperately tried to contact him (1x09, 1x12). John deciding they’re better off on their own (1x16). John leaving Dean to rot in jail and when Dean ended up at Sonny’s place instead, taking him away when he needed him with no regard to what was going on in Dean’s life at this point (9x07). To name a few instances.

Mary leaving (12x03), when Dean and Sam were so excited and happy about getting a chance to know her and be a family. Leaving, despite Sam having told her just before that having her here fills in the biggest blank in his life (12x02). Leaving, despite the way Dean physically recoils from her when she tries to touch him because she’s hurting him so deeply by doing it (12x03). And then staying away from them, barely making any effort to get to know them, and only reaching out to them when she needs something from them (12x12, 12x13, 12x14).

6. Not being a mom/dad first.

“I stopped being your father and I became your drill sergeant.” - John to Sam (1x20). John was always “Sir” first. He was their drill sergeant, as he himself puts it. He expected blind obedience, instead of offering guidance and support. He didn’t even bother celebrating birthdays or holidays with his children.

“I am your mother, but I’m not just a mom. And you are not a child.” - Mary to Dean (12x13), after he asks her to try and be their mom for once. He never asked her to be “just a mom”. But he asked her, quite rightfully, to put them first for once. To think about how it’s been for them. And to have her throw those ugly words “You are not a child” in his face in response, when that’s exactly what his life has been like ever since he was four years old, was the worst thing to witness. Also - because I mentioned it for John, too - Christmas and Dean’s birthday have come and gone since Mary is back and considering the way Dean is being so openly disappointed about the lack of time she’s spent with them, I doubt she was there for either of those days.

I’m sure there are even more examples, but my heart hurts too much right now thinking about this. Maybe I’ll add things later (Mary is still around to provide more evidence after all).

I would have loved to make a gifset of all these instances, but sadly I haven’t got enough skill. If anyone wants to make one based on this post I’d be eternally grateful!

hear you me (a cinderella story au): chapter one

fandom: riverdale

pairing: jughead jones and archie andrews, betty cooper and veronica lodge

word count: 7k

on ao3

summary:

Jughead Jones is antisocial and brooding, invisible to everyone except for his bestfriend Betty Cooper who works on the school newspaper with him. Due to his fathers death, he’s forced to be under the care of his step-mother, Penelope Blossom; doing chores for her and her twins, Cheryl and Jason.
Archie Andrews is Riverdale High’s star quarterback, who is adored by all. But despite his father’s wishes to work for the family business, Archie secretly aspires to be a musician.
Under the name ‘burgerboy’, Jughead confides to 'musicman’, someone he met on an online form for LGBTQ+ teens; which eventually turns into an online relationship. He has no idea that 'musicman’ is Archie Andrews, his ex-bestfriend who doesn’t even remember he exists.

a/n: hey guys! this fic was inspired by this gifset that compared jarchie’s make up scene in 1x02 to a cinderella story, and since i have no self control, i created this. please let me know what you think!

Jughead Jones was seven when his dad died. Back then he wasn’t known as Jughead, but by his birthname, ‘Forsythe Pendleton Jones III’, although Jughead didn’t really think that name was much better. ‘Jughead’ was a teasing name his step-siblings, Cheryl and Jason Blossom called him once their parents had married the year prior to his dad’s death. After his dad died, he let his real name die too- ‘Forsythe’ constantly reminded that his father was gone, as he was named after him. He would never forget what happened that June day, partly due to the nightmares he still had; but also because he was the last one to talk to his dad before he passed.

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tonystarkism  asked:

YOUR GIFS ARE MAGIC AND RAINBOWS (literally)!!! A tutorial on how you use/choose gradients to create colour porn gifsets, pretty please? Love you, you know it <3

I LOVE YOU <3 thank you so much!

Gradients will trasform your gif from this:

to this:

Examples of colour porn gifsets using gradients: x, x and x.

Since this has been requested a few times, I’m gonna start by giving a few tips and then we’ll move to a tutorial.

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so your heart can beat like crazy

Summary: Dan misses Phil. Phil can’t take it. They exchange feelings through texts.

Set in 2014 w/ some fluff and light angst.

__________________________________________________________________

[4:40 pm]

dan: hi
phil: why the hell are you texting me
dan: idk i just wanna talk
phil: i’m literally one room away from you
dan: i just
phil: you just what

seen ✔️ 4:41 pm

“How do I talk to Dan if he’s acting all awkward and ignoring me, except with texts?” Phil says, sitting with Martin and Cornelia at a nearby fast food restaurant. The sun is baring down on the three of them pretty hard. Their food is laid out in front of them, and Phil slurps his shake to thaw his staggering heart, which has bothered him for days on end.

It doesn’t work.

“What do you mean?” The redhead and her boyfriend exchange glances. “Why is he acting like that? All you guys ever did was separate for a bit. You guys didn’t break up or anything, right?” Cornelia takes a single fry from her plate and pops in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “I sure hope you didn’t.”

“We hadn’t! It’s just-” Phil sighs and takes another sip of his shake, letting the sugary drink flow through him. “He’s being strange. We talk sometimes if necessary, like for a video or that panel we had a week ago, but there’s something off about him. I know it’s been awkward since we had that bad year, but it’s been a couple years now. Surely he’s over it. I know I am.”

A flood of memories came rushing into his brain of that year, and he winces. The thought of that one night on the Manchester eye also swarmed his brain and filled his heart with roses. A thousand different feelings in a thousand different places.

Martyn and Cornelia frowned in unison, and Phil wondered what it was like for them to be in love that long and have such a romance that they did everything together, even outlandish facial expressions. He suddenly wished he and Dan were a lot closer now so that they could have something like his brother and his partner. They weren’t apart, but they weren’t together. The magic disappeared, and phil was more than willing to get it back.

Cornelia sighed. “Just talk to him with how he’s letting himself talk. I know it’s weird, I certainly think it is, but just text him like he’s texting you. Just keep the digital conversation going, and he’ll eventually grow tired of it and want to talk to you face to face.” She ate yet another fry and gestured to Martin, who agreed instantly.

Sure, a digital conversation. Phil thought to himself, tapping his chin with a pale finger. I could do that.

His phone suddenly lit up with a notification that he had received one new message, and his heart leaped. With every millisecond he spent waiting for his phone to unlock, and go to the home screen to click on messages, it felt as if time had stopped.

It was a quick few seconds to any onlooker, but to him- all he could hear was his heart beating in his ears.

Faster, faster, faster.

[6:23 pm]

dan: how long are you going to be at the restaurant
phil: a few more minutes
dan: good cause your mom keeps talking about funny stories from when you were a kid and if I laugh any more my spleen will burst
phil: gross
phil: i don’t wanna hear about that
dan: she’s telling me the story about how you fell down the stairs at school and the entire year group laughed
phil: oh my god
dan: i shouldn’t be surprised though
phil: wait why
dan: you’re already quite the klutz
phil: shut the hell up
dan: hey phil
phil: what
dan: oh uh nm

seen ✔️ 6:25 pm

Phil came to the realization that talking to Dan was going to be a challenge.

It wasn’t as if they hated each other or something. They never have and given the amount of love distilled between the two boys, they probably never will. Late night with a dim light of a lamp and bodies crashing together doesn’t necessarily count as a product for hate. It was all about the fact that there was just something above them, a little tension cloud.

And it felt like they couldn’t talk much because they were both a little scared and recovering over being outed to the entire world when they weren’t even ready. It was about taking a single leap from one side of the bridge to the other, the last step into the other side that with it came zero worries and diminished troubles.

A better future for the both of them where they can do anything without the claws of their adoring fan base at their every move. He just didn’t understand why tapping on a phone screen is the way to go.

Yet, he still goes with it. Phil felt as if he could detect Dan’s nervous aura, and did pretty well putting on a show of letting the world know that they were okay when they weren’t okay and could only communicate in the palaces of the World Wide Web. Which is the exact same way the met, a time of pure love and exploration, an unlikely situation that came true because of a friend’s recommendation and one interesting website.

It felt like the scene in a movie where the two characters were silent until one of them said something rude and incredulous letting the other launch at them, leading to either more anger or a later on resolved situation, always sealed with a little kiss.

Except this wasn’t a movie, this was real life and with every minute of every passing day, his heart beat out a single message of i need you. And it hurt.

With a sigh, he opens up his phone and sends Dan a quick little text before tapping the power button on his phone. Hopefully things will get better soon for the two of them. And hopefully everything returns to normal including his heartbeat’s rhythm.

His phone lit up 5 minutes later, and he nearly dives to see the message, a anxious expression painted on his face.

[10:30 am]

phil: hey
dan: hi
phil: please tell me what you were about to say
dan: um
phil: ?
dan: i just miss you is all
phil: if you miss me than actually come talk to me
dan: but i feel terrible
phil: about?
dan: the way I treated you two years ago
phil: that was two years ago dan
dan: still, it wasn’t your fault we were outed to the whole world
dan: i screamed at you for everything
dan: i even yelled at our fans, and i’m supposed to be a role model for some of them
dan: i know they invaded our privacy and all
dan: but some of them were respectful enough not to do that, even if they shipped us
dan: yet i still yelled
dan: i’m a terrible human being
dan: this is all my fault
dan: you must hate me
phil: you’re joking right
dan: what?
phil: you had a valid reaction
dan: i know but
phil: listen to me okay
dan: fine
phil: this wasn’t your fault
phil: people stalked us, they stalked your brother
phil: they did a lot of things
phil: and yes some of them did the right thing by leaving us alone
phil: but some forced a lot of things upon us
phil: which is not okay
phil: you also faced a lot of stress
phil: you had to deal with so much
phil: don’t apologize for anything
dan: okay
phil: we’re good?
dan: yeah
phil: also hey dan?
dan: yes?
phil: i hope you know that i love you and that you deserve happiness
dan: oh wow
phil: don’t i get anything nice back
dan: yeah sure i guess i love you too
phil: better

It happens a second later.

A thunderous thumping noise grew louder and louder as he finally saw himself being tackled onto the floor yuri on ice style. It startled him, making him immediately drop his phone and stare up at the person who created the chaos, starting to giggle. It was ridiculous and laughable but for the two of them, the dorky antics felt normal.

“Finally.” Phil speaks.

Dan rolls his eyes affectionately. “Don’t ruin this moment for us.”

Phil took Dan’s hand in his, rubbing his knuckles. Starting from the top and down to the bottom, just like always. “Sure.”

“I wonder how many gifsets would be cranked out if we recorded this whole thing?” Dan wondered, smiling at the undying effort of his fans.

“Probably a lot, with some quotes and a black and white filter. They’d probably throw in that one moment when I looked at your lips.” Phil mimicked the scene, leaning into Dan’s face and dramatically looked at his lips before quickly kissing them.

“Wasn’t that during Gamingmas?” Dan asks soon after.

“Yeah.” A mischievous look grows on his face, and he smirks. “More like gaymingmas. Ha! Get it? ‘Cause we’re gay.”

Dan narrows his eyes. Goof. He grabs the pillow nearest to him and starts pummeling him with it. “You’re an idiot, you know that right?”

He half means it and half doesn’t.

“Wait, nope- I’m bi. And aren’t I your idiot?” Phil batted his eyelashes before blocking his next hit, shoulders shaking from laughter. “Aren’t I the same idiot you drooled over for two years?”

“I highly regret loving you at all.”

“Liar!” Phil declares.

“Eh, it’s true. All you’ve ever done for me is steal my cereal and clutter the flat with house plants while I slowly fall even more in love with you, and it’s not fair.”

“I-I-can’t believe I’m meeting the amazingphil! I-I am so excited, I’ve watched all your videos, I even-.”

Dan kisses him to shut him up.

They’re recording a gaming video when they finally decide to let them know everything without letting them know everything.

“Hello, danandphilgames controllers!” Phil cheerily says into the camera with a wave. Dan looks at him strangely.

“Controllers?” He questions.

“Well, since we’re using controllers for this game, I just thought-”

“You’re terrible.” Dan puts his head in his hands, shaking his head.

“You’re a lot worse.” Phil interjects.

“I can’t believe I have to deal with you everyday. You’re a literal pain in the neck.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Eyes meet. Time stops. A flurry of comments and analyzation come soon after, so many people @ing them on twitter and making little edits on YouTube. Reaction videos fill up their feed. Just like every other video.

It’s nice.

[4:40 am]

dan: hey ugly
phil: hey stupid
phil: go away
dan: i thought you loved me
phil: well you don’t love me
dan: eh true
phil: go to sleep
dan: give me five more minutes mom
phil: you’re insufferable
dan: you’re a brat
phil: now dan
dan: *le sigh* fine
phil: “le sigh” the fuck is that
dan: shut
phil: now you can’t even finish sentences
dan: i said shut
phil: GOODNIGHT DAN
dan: glad to see things are back to normal

Dan turns his phone off and closes his eyes.

“I thought we agreed to stop texting each other.” Phil rolls over to Dan’s side of the bed, poking a single dimple.

But he’s fast asleep.

I have no idea how this post is going to be received, but I’ve seen a few things today that set my teeth on edge.

This is a friendly reminder that fic writers and artists do what they do for free. People who run fic-finding blogs do what they do for free. People who make gifs do it for free. People who put together amazing rec lists do it for free. People who read and reblog every fic they come across do it for free. People who write amazingly-detailed, insightful or funny tags on their reblogs do it for free. And we get to enjoy the fruits of their labor. How cool is that? There’s so much amazing stuff out there for us to consume, and it doesn’t cost us a penny. It makes fandom fun and it makes fandom better.

And all of these people - the artists, the writers, the finders, the giffers, and the reccers - also have lives of their own. They go to school. They work full-time jobs. They have families and significant others and friends and hobbies. They have health problems. They have mental health issues. They have fandom for fun, and they have fandom to escape. Some people like to talk to anyone and everyone who hits up their inbox. Some people are more introverted. Some people prefer to keep a small circle of friends, or got cautious about making new friends after they’ve been burned a few times (haven’t we all run into toxic people online at some point?). Some people follow thousands of blogs. Some follow a few.

What they don’t have is a debt to fandom. They don’t actually owe anyone anything. Whether it’s an update on a multi-chapter, a response to a prompt, a new piece of art when someone requests it, a list of their favorite bed-sharing fics, a gifset, a like, a reblog, a comment, or a beta. 

(I’m not saying that feedback or likes/reblogs/comments aren’t important, obviously. *waves* Hi, I write fic. Of course it’s important. That’s not why I’m writing this.)

A lot of times people expect these things, and in some cases people demand these things. It’s not cool. And when the artist/writer/blogger doesn’t deliver, they get anon hate and snotty comments. One of the biggest complaints I’ve seen in the fandom - that good fics by lesser-known authors get ignored - is trying to be addressed by a new blog specifically devoted to promoting these authors. Amazing idea, right? Someone saw a problem and is making a genuine, good-hearted effort to fix it.

That blog is less than a day old, and they’ve already gotten anon comments along the lines of, “Why bother? It won’t help,” and “Why are you waiting before you start reccing? There are authors need your help now.” I repeat: that blog is less than a day old. Someone decided to take time out of their life to try and shed a spotlight on new/lesser-known authors - for FREE - and they’re already getting shit on.

So, I’m a writer. I don’t know how “famous” I am, or how famous other people think I am. I follow very few blogs because 1) I tried following hundreds of people when I first started on Tumblr and it got incredibly overwhelming for me, 2) I’ve gradually whittled my dash down to be as drama-free as possible, and 3) I follow authors and artists who I know from experience post quality content that I know I’ll love. And frankly, I can’t even keep up with everything they post and feel like crap when I fall behind on fic-reading.

Y’all, I work full-time. I have friends IRL and online. I follow a few blogs that make me happy. I try to write. I have serious struggles with depression sometimes. I hang out with my asshole cats. And I am tired. I don’t live in an online bubble to deliberately exclude people. All I do is try to make an online experience for myself that makes fandom more enjoyable for me, rather than more stressful.

I… don’t have any sort of grand thesis or conclusion here, other than we need to be nice to each other, and maybe take other people’s experiences into account when evaluating their behavior. And please, if you find yourself getting angry at authors or artists or gif-makers or rec blogs, remember that you’re getting angry at people who spend hours producing content for you to enjoy, for free. They never had to give you anything, but they still do.

Silhouette

A Story About Shaw

(AN: About two weeks ago I posted Destinations, a story about Root and liminal spaces. I knew I wanted to do a companion piece for Shaw, but I couldn’t figure out the theme. The phrase that kept coming to mind was negative space, but it took me awhile to figure out why my brain settled on that. The result was quite different from Destinations, but it kinda had to be. Silhouette was…much harder to write and might be more polarizing than the last for a couple reasons, but nonetheless I hope you enjoy it).




After the accident, Shaw comes home one day to find a framed picture in her bedroom. It’s a photograph of herself from a few years ago. In it she sits solemnly between her mother and father who are both smiling, laughing. Her father’s hands is resting on her shoulder.

Shaw is puzzled, unsure why her mother chose to put this picture on her dresser. By this point she’s realized that people surround themselves with photographs to feel connected; the photos are a reminder of the things pictured in them, a shortcut to the emotions those things evoke.

The day the picture shows up on her dresser, all solemn in its heavy black frame, Shaw stares at it, trying to understand what her mother expects her to do with it. She’s…not content with her father’s absence, but she’s not sure how a picture is supposed to help. She stares at it for hours, but only ends up with a headache.

When she moves to a different, larger room the next year, she leaves the framed photo behind on the dresser. Her mother notices, of course. She doesn’t say anything, but the photo shows up on the desk in Shaw’s new room the next day.

Shaw stares at the picture again, but still comes up blank. Her mother must have had a reason for moving it, so she keeps thinking about it, tracing the implications of the actions and expectations. Tries to understand why it’s so important to her mother that she keep it.

A year later they move to a new house. This time it’s the first thing she packs.

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hypnictwitch  asked:

What was your vampire diaries otp?

*16-year-old me comes bursting into the clearing*

HOLD UP DUDES, BUCKLE UP BECAUSE I NEED TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE OTP THAT STILL HOLDS A PORTION OF MY HEART, SIX YEARS ON FROM ME THROWING MY HANDS INTO THE AIR AND SAYING ‘FUCK THIS SHIT I AM O-U-T’.

Iiiiiiiit’s…

These fuckers!

Oh, I was happy and dandy, completely fine watching The Vampire Diaries as a sort of guilty pleasure. It wasn’t the best show around, I didn’t really follow the storylines, found Stefan a bit boring, Elena dull, Damon your average ‘vampire bad boy’, but I really stayed watching it for the minor characters, like Bonnie, Jeremy, Matt, Tyler and Caroline because I felt like they were really kind of the flesh of the show. Their dynamics were the meat of it, and that’s what kept me tuning in.

Then Caroline Forbes got turned into a vampire. This bright, peppy character suddenly had a power she never expected to have. A strength I never expected the stereotypical cheerleader in this sort of show to have. It changed everything.

The Vampire Diaries basically became the Caroline Forbes Show, for me. I wanted more of this sunshine with this unlimited life and power.

And then Klaus Mikaelson rolled up. Your standard vampire villain, with a tragic backstory of shitty dad being shitty, and a bloodthirsty need to take over the world via the conversion of numerous mortals into vampire/werewolf hybrids.

So, those are the two pieces on the chessboard. The white queen, Caroline Forbes, socialite vampire grappling with the organisation of prom and her own immortality. The black king, Klaus Mikaelson, British-accented vampire villain with a penchant for witty one-liners and slowly making his way up the list of favourite characters. Destined, pretty much, never to meet until the end of the game.

Then the show kicked things up a notch, some hybrid stuff happened in badly lit scenes, and Caroline ended up, on her birthday, slowly dying in her bed from a bite given to her by her boyfriend. Klaus shows up. Laying out the red carpet of faux concern: “oh my gosh Caroline got bit by Tyler, a hybrid??? Sired to me??? What an amazing coincidence!!! Now invite me in, there’s a good girl, toodle pip”. Obviously part of some bigger plan that’ll come into play. Sherriff lets him in.

So here’s the black king standing in the doorway of the white queen’s bedroom. There lies the white queen pale and sickly, dying, with ironic ‘Happy Birthday!’ cards arranged artfully on a bedside table. The king is in a position of power; this is acknowledged as soon as he walks in the door, as it always tends to be when Klaus Mikaelson walks into a room but hey, let’s focus here. 

Some standard 'you’re the Big Bad, I’m the friend of the Holy Good why the fuck are you here’ dialogue is exchanged. Klaus Mikaelson, the sage old king, mentions that he likes birthdays; that Caroline, the newly appointed queen, as a vampire, is duty-bound to celebrate the now non-existent commitment she has to human conventions.

“You’re free,” the old king breathes.

“No…” replies the new queen. She flicks her eyes up and meets the old king with a stare as deep as his. “I’m dying.”

A-ha! The playing field is equal. The moves have shrunk. They shrink further still as the king admits he still holds the ace – her life. He could indeed, let her die. At this moment, I expected some corny claptrap about how her death wouldn’t affect the grand scheme of things, how she was never to be a part of his plan—

“I thought about it myself.” Hello? What’s going on here? “Once or twice.”

The old king leans closer to the new queen, young and green in her reign, and tells her that there is a whole world out there, and suddenly, immortality pales in comparison to the promises of music, and art, “genuine beauty”. Immortality ain’t beautiful. The world is.

She can have it all, “a thousand more birthdays”. If the new queen just asks. She can reign everywhere, anywhere she wishes for as long as she wants. Human conventions be damned.

Textually, it’s obviously a power play. Klaus is gaining an alliance from Sherriff Forbes, and a debt from Caroline Forbes, which he will no doubt call on. Caroline surrenders, admits that she doesn’t want to die after all.

But what’s she saying yes to? She’s saying yes to all those birthdays, the art, the music, the promise of genuine beauty.

So drink up, whispers the king. The queen drinks, she sleeps, and she wakes to find a bracelet of astonishing, genuine, beauty contained in a black velvet box with a neat white bow and a scrawled note. “From Klaus”.

Then, nine episodes later, at a 1920s themed dance, the old king makes his intentions very clear to the new queen. It’s clear she knows the debt that hangs over her head, the connection that haunts Tyler, so she acquiesces to his request for one dance. “I don’t bite,” he says silkily. There’s the old 'Big Bad/loyal to Holy Good friend’ dialogue exchange, as before. Then, a reiteration of his promise of the whole world, worded differently, but still there. The old king speaks of waiting for 100 years for her to accept his offer, his promises, as if to do so is easier than breathing. Oh, the new queen side-eyes him, but the pieces shift, the game changes and she’s looking at him in a whole new way. He looks at her with a depth not found in the eyes of a small town boy. She breaks it with a scoff, and there’s your standard 'Big Bad is pissed off’ dialogue from Klaus before he storms off. And, quite crucially, she looks back.

Anyone who has watched any period drama ever knows the importance of looking back.

And just one single episode later, Caroline Forbes is running down a corridor, your standard horror film shot. She is alone, scared, frightened. She is caught by Klaus Mikaelson, her saviour not ten episodes ago, who has twice offered her the world and all its beauty. Not its glories, not its triumphs. Its beauty. 

He promises to save her friend and brushes his fingers over her hair as if it’s already second nature to him to treat her this kindly, this intimately. (Do not get me started on how he cradles her when she drinks his blood, do not.) He tells her, fiercely, to get home and stay safe.

“Do you understand me?” barks he.

“Thank you,” she says. She looks at him like she still cannot work him out, and is afraid because of it. But the thanks is as easy as breathing.

For reasons that are known as ‘I cannot put up with this shit writing for a moment longer’, I give up on the show come season 3 finale. I watch clips of their scenes on YouTube, scrabble for any desperate hope that the potential I saw and shipped and loved is still there. It falls down, down the drain and I personally like to pretend anything past season 3 doesn’t exist.

So now, here I am. 22 years old with 16 years old me screeching the dying screech of a frustrated fangirl whenever she sees a gifset of Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes together on her Tumblr dashboard because you had a queen with power yet to be unlocked and a king willing to give her that power in exchange for being allowed to worship her as he always wanted to, and because of some shit to do with hybrids, it all went tits up.

But those fuckers called Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes? They have a portion of my heart (the right ventricle, to be specific) that continues to beat for the queen and king that almost ruled together. #foreverbitter

3

If anyone needs a visual representation of how we’ve been feeling as we try to search the Peaky Blinders tag, please see above. 

Over the past two weeks we have been increasingly vocal about the issues affecting the Peaky tag and this fandom in general. Between the continuous (but now worse than ever) issue of stolen content that people work very hard to create, and the clogging of the general tag with fan fiction and imagines, we have officially had enough. 

If anyone of you are wondering who “we” are, it is myself and my partners in crime at @peakyblinded | @fuckyeahpeakyblinders | @ohfuckyeahcillianmurphy | and @shelbybros-ltd

The information and regulations below have come from all of us, and we are the ones that will be blocking offenders from all of our edits, posts, and content. 

I. Stolen Content

i. If you post gifs you didn’t make you & your post will be reported to tumblr and we will block you. Tumblr will delete the stolen gifs, any reblogs of it, and send you a warning. If you insist to continue, which most of you do after sending us rude messages, tumblr will delete your blog. Consider using the reblog button for once if you would like to keep your blog. 

Note for other gif makers who see their gifs reposted: Please report them to tumblr here. It takes two seconds and is very effective in stopping the theives.

ii. There is a subset of this fandom that follows our blogs but repeatedly and knowingly reblogs stolen content, expanding its reach and cosigning its theft. You know who you are, you know it’s not okay, and we are sick of it. We will all block you, and the posts will be reported. If you see a gifset and all the gifs are different sizes or clearly mismatched, it is stolen. If you see a gif standing alone, with no source, by someone who has never posted in the tag before, it is stolen. Creators have left this fandom because of the discouragement of having their work stolen because pathetic bottom feeders want notes. Be respectful of original posters.

II. Fanfics and Imagines

i. If you add gifs you didn’t make to your writing - whether straight out or via tumblr’s failure of a gif-insert tool - you will be blocked from all of us and our content. You have the option of posting your fictions with gifs of your own, with stills, or with no visuals at all. Don’t use original posters’ work that people put time and effort into to promote your own writing. Most, including us, are appalled to see some of the stories attached to gifs we’ve made. If your writing is not strong enough to stand on its own maybe you should consider a different hobby. 

ii. If your posts are long and you don’t use the “read more” feature, thus cluttering the tag and forcing people to scroll for pages to get to the content they do want, you will be blocked. Tumblr created “read more” for a reason. Use it. It is unbelievably inconsiderate not to. 

iii. If you repeatedly spam, not an occasional tag here or there, but spam the Peaky Blinders tag with imagines and fanfics you will be blocked. You are being knowingly inconsiderate to the majority of the fandom that has no interest in this kind of content. The general tag is for edits, gifsets, news, and not an overflow of your fantasies. You are doing nothing but obnoxiously self-promoting when you tag unnecessary characters and general peaky tags on every single imagine you post. You know what you are doing.  


Frankly, we are not sorry that it has come to this. We will not be warning you before we block you, and if you persist, eventually tumblr will delete your blog. We have no issue blocking you, and neither will blogs that continuously contribute content to our fandom. We can assure you that they will piggyback on this. Spam, theft, and disrespect are what ruin fandoms. If we were listened to when we first asked politely, this wouldn’t have happened. 


Thank you from myself, @fuckyeahpeakyblinders , my coworkers on @peakyblinded , @ohfuckyeahcillianmurphy , and @shelbybros-ltd

Imagine you being the one to piece Ivar back together

ONESHOT
Request:
 Hey you write for Ivar from vikings yeah? 😊 If so please can I make a request for Ivar x female!reader where they get into a bad argument about something and at one point he raises his voice/raises his arms and the reader instinctively flinches away from the movement. He immediately comforts her but feels guilty because he thinks she’s scared of him, but reader reassures him she still trusts and loves him? Thank you so much, appreciate it! X
Note: A little inspired because of that gifset from Ivar and Margrethe @whenimaunicorn posted recently. Hope  this is any good and it was like you imagined. I really loved writing it, have a weak heart for Ivar his vulnerability. <3

Words: 1715


Ragnar being back wasn’t really a present for the boys, especially when he asked each one of them to come with him back to England except for Ivar. You always hated it, how some people treated Ivar as the weak one while you knew for sure he was mentally the strongest of them all. But everywhere you came there was that silence, that tensing. Alsaug hardly talked, Sigurd and Ivar had more conflict that before and Ubbe and Hvitserk really didn’t care, they were drinking and eating while Ivar just looked in front of him, almost waiting for someone to take on his bad mood. But nobody did, being a friend of him, being in love with him maked you feel compassionate with his situation. If you had a bigger mouth you would confront Ragnar with the fact but you knew Ivar wouldn’t like that. And it wasn’t your business so you just stayed put, listening to the conversation that went fort and back between the brothers … except for Ivar. It felt like he wasn’t there, a ghost on a table for his brothers and mother while he was the most visible person for you. But you stayed out of it, knowing those  family matters weren’t easy to handle, centainly not when Aslaug stood in charge and Sigurd and Ivar were in the same room. Over the years you learned a big deal over the sons of Ragnar. It got you quite close in a friendship with Ivar, what started with him being so dominant around you. But you learned to handle and respect him in a certain way, evolving to a friendship. Althrought you felt more for him.

You were home, having no mother since bird and a father that was half the time away, you felt quite hollow in this house, scared almost. You were just pulling of your dress when you startled from the knocking on the door.
‘Who is it?’ You asked, pulling back that dress on.
‘You don’t get much visitors except for me so take a wild guess.’ The door swung open, you hand’t even the time to get it open for him before he crawled in. 
‘Ivar.’ You greeted him carefully. He was right, you didn’t got much visitors, you weren’t one of those popular slavegirls where Ubbe and Hvitserk ran after all the time. Maybe that’s why Ivar hang around you much, he had at least some kind of claim on you.
‘Father came,’ he began. You tied your dress back together and looked how he pulled himself on to your bed … althrought their was a table and chairs.
‘And?’
‘I’m going to England with him.’ He said with that confident smirk on his face. You opened your mouth, instincly wanting to congratulate him but on second thoughts you didn’t. Why would you? He was going away with his father, back to England, knowing out of the stories they weren’t that eager on inviting vikings, certainly not Ragnar. Half England probarbly wanted him dead. And Ivar was gonna join him, he couldn’t really blame you for being skeptical. ‘What is it?’ He signed. You opened your mouth, shut it again and went to sit aside him on the bed.
‘I just have my doubts.’
‘Wich doubts?’ He asked. You were glad he at least wanted to listen to your opninion on the matter.
‘It’s that your father isn’t really a hero over there, there are many christians who want him dead. And you are going with him,’ You didn’t finish your sentence, hoping he would get it on his own. But he didn’t or he didn’t want to admit to it.
‘What are you saying Y/n.’ He said almost inpatient. You sighed and took a deep breath.
‘Being concerned about you I don’t think it’s a good idea to go . It could get you killed, or worse captured.’ You explained in one large breath. His bleu eyes almost pierced through yours and you swallowed slowly, knowing this could go two ways. He was mostly calm around you but the last couple of days, since Ragnar returned he was a little short tempered. You saw him do already some things with his brother, you weren’t really jumping to meet that side of him to.
‘Because I’m a cripple, is that what you are saying?’ He asked you rather sharp. You looked down to the wooden floor, thinking how you could get this strarting argument turned in to no argument at all. When you looked back at him he was still looking at you with those almost harened hollow eyes.
‘No,’ you began steady. ‘I would say it to everybody. I’m just not sure if it is wise.’ You constructed your sentences in a way he could pick an insult out of it.
‘It’s my one change to go with my father.’
‘And maybe your last.’ You reacted on that, being honest now maybe wasn’t your best move.
‘I would rather die there aside my father than here among the people that so disgust me.’ He pointed to the door.
‘Ivar, you’re not thinking with a straight mind. Ragnar his return maked you all so tensed, placing your emotions into the situation. I don’t think you thought about it.’
‘Who are you to say what I can and can’t do!’ He yelled, trewing his arms up like he was going to hit you. And in a reflex you pulled away from the bed, away from him, away from his anger. While doing it you thought about the consequenties this could have. You never believed that he would hurt you. But you saw already so much of his anger towards others that it was an instinct your body produced being around him. And that instinct frooze him right on his place. You stayed on that distant, five steps away maybe, hardly more while you looked at him. He looked so distant, so angry while he slowly lowered his arms before his eyes looked back at you and your tensed body standing there. In seconds his mood turned around, you saw that vulnerability, that pain, the uncertainty in his always looking strong blue eyes. ‘You thought I would hurt you.’ He said. You felt your heart cracking open a little, afraid that the previous argument would change everything between you.
‘No.’
‘Why did you jump away then?’ He asked, not looking to you but to the floor. You felt guilty for still standing there while he got all wrapped up in his emotions. You walked back to the bed, sitting aside him, turning your body towards him.
‘It was a reflex Ivar. It didn’t mean a thing.’ You tried to reassure him. He looked at you, his strong blue eyes not so strong anymore.
‘You thought I was going to hurt you, like I do with everybody I know.’ He turned his eyes back to the wooden floor. You layed two fingers carefully under his chin, pulling his eyes right back to you.
‘Everybody is a little afraid of Ivar The Boneless, it isn’t a bad thing, you will do powerfull things with it. My body just reacted on the violence I already saw in my life. It has nothing to do with you, I know you won’t hurt me.’ You explained on a soft tone. His eyes traveled to your hand still stabilitating his fragile face.
‘But you are scared of me?’
‘Everybody always is Ivar. That doesn’t mean it effects me. You are my friend, I,’ you felt silence, looking away for a moment, doubting if you would say that. But when you turned back, saw that vulnerability again you knew it wasn’t something he showed everybody. ‘I love you more than I’m scared of you.’ You finally said. ‘And I don’t want you to go because I’m afraid that you will die, won’t return.’ You went futher. He cracked a little under those words. You hand fell back in your lap while some kind of disbelief filled his face. Aside his mother and brothers nobody really loved Ivar the Boneless, except for you. Because you saw his potential, the greatness, the tenderness of his heart. And surly now, the uncertainty in his eyes maked it even a better feeling than it already was. ‘You don’t believe me?’ You asked with a small smile on your lips. He looked back at you. You layed your hand against his jaw and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his lips. His first reaction was to do nothing, but while you brought more pressure on his lips he opened them a little and answered yours in so much uncertainty. When you pulled back you let your forehead rest against his. He blincked his eyes, looked at you and a small uncertain smile came on his lips. ‘Go if you want to. Be great, be fearless, come back with fame. I will be here waiting.’ You stroke his jawline before you lost the contact with him and pulled back completly.
‘I will.’ He whispered. He looked aside to you and you smiled, a loving smile and he just watched you do it.
‘You can stay, if you want to.’ You nodded to the bed. He nodded, still in conflict with everything he felt of emotions.

But in the end of that night you laid aside him, gazing into the room and thinking of what you had accomplished while you listened to his steady breating aside you. You broke him a little, by pulling back on his reaction …. But you pieced him back together, even more than before. You felt him turn, a hand sneaking over your waist, pulling you closer. You turned his side. It was hard to see if he was sleeping, or preteding he was sleeping but it was a nice feeling. His lips rested against your shoulder, you felt his warm breath on your skin while his hand layed on your stomach, holding you close. Maybe somebody as ruthless and disturbed as Ivar needed some love in his life, maybe he had to learn how to love before he could grow even bigger. You knew one thing, Ivar wasn’t a bad person, it was the world that maked him bad.

So I hit 4k followers, I’m so grateful that anyone follows me let alone 4k people so thank you all! Since this is another milestone for me I thought I’d do a little follow forever to show my appreciation to some of my faves on here and to shoutout some amazing blogs that keep my dash oh so lovely. ^.^ (mutuals are all bolded):

special mentions to my all time faves:

  • @rootsameens: One of my favorite people EVER. I don’t know what I’d do without this one. We talk everyday and I kid you not, every. single. day. If we don’t talk, something is wrong. I’ve never connected with someone so fast and easily like it still blows me. Anyways, Kelly > everyone. Facts only.
  • @evocatiio: Oh my gosh, where do I start with Sarah??? Probably my other half tbh, what don’t we agree on? We’re such dumbasses always talking to each other through tags and then get right on twitter and talk there too like…. we’re special lmfao. I wouldn’t trade you for the world, my fave always. Shaw Elitists till we die!!1

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mundane au | clizzy | after a breakup, clary decides to dye her hair pink and isabelle is her hairdresser

(somewhat inspired by this & anyone who ever made a gifset of clary with pink hair)


“Do you think I’d look good with pink hair?”

Simon looks at Clary, the slight surprise in his eyes fading as his thinking face comes out, like he’s honestly trying to picture it, because Simon is the kind of friend who wouldn’t even question why she’s asking.

“I think you might actually be able to pull that off,” he says after another few moments, a genuine smile on his face. While Clary was only half serious, having Simon think it’s a good idea makes her think she should actually do it.

It’s been a while since she’s done anything purely for herself, a while since she’s wanted to, especially after Adrian and her broke up. Well, if you can call him being an asshole and dumping Clary out of nowhere them breaking up. Simon calls it the best thing to happen since The Force Awakens came out, and Clary is finally at a point where she knows he’s right, Adrian was an ass and she’s better off without him.

And maybe making a visible change in her life might be exactly what she needs to fully put this behind her, to start fresh, as cheesy as that sounds.

She pulls out her phone and calls her hair salon, even more certain of her decision when it turns out someone had just canceled and there was an opening in about an hour, giving her just enough time to get there from the coffee shop she and Simon are at.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I leave?” she asks again as they reach Simon’s subway station.

“Yes, of course, go and do your thing, we see each other every day,” Simon reassures her, giving her a hug and taking another long look at her after he pulls away. “You are gonna look so badass.”

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Don’t You Try To Run Right Now

aka five times Mick Rory had to save Len Snart’s ass before he made a terrible decision about who to fuck, and one time he didn’t, in roughly chronological order.

aka what happens when @wacheypena and I agree that it looks like Len and Malcolm/Went and John are flirting in a gifset and everything spirals from there

1.    David Singh

They’ve made a habit of heading out to Saints and Sinners (the local dive bar) on Friday nights, in order that they can get drunk and find people to hook up with, in a rare show of humanity on Lenny’s part. Honestly, Mick’s begun to wonder whether Lenny’s just some kind of particularly pretty futuristic android. Usually Lenny sits and drinks until his hand gestures get more extravagant and he walks the block home with a wobble, and Mick watches Lenny until he’s inside the lobby of their crappy apartment building and leaves with some sweet little thing. Tonight, however, Lenny’s got his eye on some square-looking guy at the bar. Mick’s got to admit, Lenny has good taste – the man is certainly attractive – but there’s a major factor that makes him a no go.

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“A Rose By Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet” - On Dissociation, Duality and Identity on Supernatural

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven…”
- John Milton / “Paradise Lost” 

After reading an interesting article on the 350th anniversary of Milton’s “Paradise Lost” I found myself pondering one of the themes prevalent in the poem and how it translates to one of the themes I love so much on Supernatural and how it has been especially explored during Carver Era: The Topic of Duality and Identity.

One of the key aspects of Lucifer as a character in Milton’s poem is how the archangel sheds his original name and by that also crafts a new “life” for himself along with it. He no longer calls himself or is addressed as Lucifer but as “Satan” or “the Devil” (interestingly enough that is something Supernatural’s longest standing villain rejects completely, and despises these names which is an interesting aspect to keep in mind and one I’ll come back to later). This re-invention and the power of names is an intricate part of shaping one’s own identity and reality. It’s something we have seen countless pop culture figures go through for very similar reasons.

The pattern can be traced all the way back to fairytales like Rumpelstiltsken, but it can be found in a multitude of modern pieces of literature, art or television too. Think of Tom Riddle vs. Lord Voldemort, Dr. Jekyll vs. Mr Hyde or Walter White vs. Heisenberg. They all create alter egos for themselves in a fashion comparable to the renaming process that happens to demons in Milton’s work, because once they lost their positive identity, they also lost their names. It’s very much in line with what we see happening on Supernatural as all the more “run of the mill”-demons we have met thus far have been addressed by the name of the person they inhabited, Meg is probably the most memorable example for that. And it’s also of course a transformation the King of Hell himself underwent when he died as Fergus McLeod and emerged as Crowley.

Much like his mother, who always tried to escape her past and shape a new world for herself in which she possesses the power she lacked before when being rejected, so Crowley tried his best to forget about his past altogether and shape a new world and identity for himself. And all that went well and good until, well, the Winchesters came along. Until then Crowley was able to craft his new self and by shaping himself shaping also his own reality, how he perceives and thinks of himself (unintruded) and by that trying to infer how people perceive him. In the end however the dilemma comes down to what Kurt Vonnegut once described as: “Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what we pretend to be.” Because sometimes that - or rather the way we think about ourselves - can turn into your Achille’s heel or something like a self fulfilling prophecy. And on Supernatural, I suppose no one fights that battle with himself harder than Dean Winchester. That battle of how he thinks about himself and how/who he really is (and that aspect is drawn attention to again with Mr. Ketch insinuating that Dean and he are alike or that Dean is merely an unhinged killer (see meta and gifset here) - something Dean may think of himself at the worst of times, but which hardly can be counted as a realistic picture of who he truly is).

And in this regard I feel it’s important to remember that Dean went to Hell, was well on his way to becoming a demon, but got rescued before his soul may have been twisted too far to dip back. That doesn’t change anything about the fact however that Dean remembers that time, remembers what happened to him, what he did and what he became. It left a taint, some darkness within him and one he is deeply ashamed of. Now, question is how far along the transformation or dissociation went when he was in hell. Was Dean close to forgetting his own name, his own positive identity? And is that possibly the reason why Dean’s struggles in terms of identity and perception of self has gotten all the much worse post Hell too (while also of course taking into account the trauma he faced there)? Because Dean thinking about himself merely as a killer definitely stems from his experiences in and post Hell.

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anonymous asked:

Yeah, i'm trying not to speculate too much either, but I agree, I feel pretty certain that the Cas that healed Dean and later died was definitely our Cas. I think the differences in him people are pointing out are due to the ways the nephilim is subtly controlling him as you said. AU cas seems to be a very popular theory, but I just don't get it. Also, i don't know how AU Cas could manage to look like exactly like our Cas when Bobby said the AU angels are very different.

Hi! Yeah, the not wanting to speculate part makes this something I don’t want to particularly talk about because it’s almost all dead ends where we run into speculation. 

What I saw was in 12x19 a very competently executed episode with callbacks and symbolism and framing to suggest Cas was moderately-to-severe fucked up by the nephilim but with the end scene, in a very ambiguous way about his concern to the Winchesters or sense of free will being impacted - just that he had a new “right” to follow. In 12x23 he’s basically Cas except he’s having key Destiel conversations with Kelly (using “of course” to her is SUCH a tell I feel like I should get one of the compilation gifsets of it and slap a gif of that at the bottom :P) and saying he would die for the nephilim but also raise her son - totally contradictory but he was explaining his deepest heart and motivations at that point. THOSE were changed, Cas himself was not any different than a regular tuesday in how he felt and acted and treated Kelly and his duty, and then when Sam and Dean showed up, how he treated them. 

He WAS defensive of Jack to the point of knowing the rift was made by him, that Sam and Dean would flip and treat it as a bad thing. Objectively, “this baby tears holes in reality” is a horrifying statement, but Cas calmly says that of course Jack will close it and he has faith. They don’t and Crowley dies to close it, and Jack is never tested on if he would have done it or not despite what Cas thought. I suspect if this is his main horrifying new power we’ll get it tested again and find out how Jack feels about doing it but since I hate speculating, whether I think he’ll do that for good or bad is totally up in the air to me and I genuinely don’t have a stake in it because any which way will tell an interesting story and serve his purpose in the narrative on what they choose to do with it.

Cas also then could act normally and fight with Sam and Dean to protect Jack when Lucifer showed up at the front door, but I think when he charged into the rift, it was at that point purely to spite Lucifer (see also: endless Cas n Crowley parallels) and to see what was going on as Sam and Dean still hadn’t returned from the rift and it was still open and he had full freedom to be worried about them, so I don’t think he did that for Jack, the more I think about it, although if he WAS being controlled, a rage to kill his father would be thematically fascinating and I feel Jack did reject Lucifer in 12x19 already.

I also think Cas could in no way have been replaced the first time he went in the rift as we saw enough to him meeting Bobby and that was all Cas, and no way in HELL Bobby would let AU Castiel come near them (and he would not look like our Cas) and Bobby only didn’t shoot Cas immediately because he looked so harmlessly dorky. I get that him coming out the portal unharmed seemed suspicious at first but once we knew all the details and that Cas had been under Bobby’s watch the entire time I can’t see ANY room for AU Castiel to swoop in and take him, because Cas’s first trip in Bobby was there the whole time, and the second time in, Lucifer was a much bigger problem, and as I said I think he made Cas leave the portal because Lucifer urgently wanted to NOT be stuck in the AU and it was more fun to kill Cas in front of his friends. I think that was probably Cas’s angel blade and he walked Cas back to the portal, shoved him through, and then killed him. So again, total character continuity for Cas, and there’s no room for it to be anything else, and no implication in the story that put a MASSIVE neon sign on rat Crowley to swap Cas out.

They also showed a flashback of Cas filling with the power when he was talking to Kelly earlier in the episode, about Paradise, and spouting all these lines that go right back to season 5 and what Dean got told over and over about what the angels wanted and how they’d make paradise on earth, which goes hand in hand with the neon sign that Cas having faith is a bad thing because it confirms Jack’s vision of the future is equally as bad as the one Cas fought in season 5, and what he lost his original faith over, so even while showing Cas fully in control of his actions and feelings, his motivation and purpose were clearly derailed and we were shown Cas being overtaken with that power before he said all that so… I feel like it was a visual demonstration of the power going into him and Cas’s heart being borrowed to protect Jack’s paradise.

These are all things I see in the events that actually happened this season, and as I’ve been talking to Mittens today about not caring about speculating, I’m genuinely 100% content, Destiel went canon in that last shot of them together, I have nothing to ask, I’m sitting back and letting whatever happens in season 13 happen, and for me trying to outguess the plot is no fun. As a meta writer I’ve always most enjoyed playing with established canon and thinking deeper into what we already have to expose the truths and feelings underneath it, rather than treating it as a puzzle to explain what’s happening next - in that respect we have like 3 puzzle pieces from 2 different games, while with the whole canon we have a 8mil piece puzzle and every one of us analysing the show is only ever going to manage to put together a few thousand pieces in some random corner of it, and a few patches here and there elsewhere :P But at least I can build a hell of a lot more of the puzzle than I could trying to speculate because if I get one piece wrong, I’m attempting to build an entire puzzle connected to the wrong thing, and the next thing that happens in the show might take the one bit I was sure of and unhook it from the entire seemingly finished picture I tacked onto it without realising I had the wrong bit of sky from another puzzle :P 

Anisah tries to make a tutorial :) 

There is probably a list of people who should never make tutorials, and i’m on it… but here we are anyways ~

(this is a very detailed tutorial from start to finish, so please bear with me lols. also, its super long, so under a cut it goes )

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anonymous asked:

Hi! Sorry to bother you with a bit of a dumb question...but I've been seeing the phrase "the story became the story" a lot in the past few weeks on my dash, and I never understood what exactly it means? I think it was mostly on some other blog but I can't seem to find it. Just very confused ^^'

It’s from 9x07:

SAM
So, what was that all about, ‘Dee-dawg’?

DEAN
You remember when we were kids that spring in upstate New York? Dad was on a rugaru hunt. We, uh – we crashed at the, uh … the bungalow colony with the ping-pong table?

SAM
Yeah. Uh, y-you disappeared. Dad came back. You were gone. He shipped me off to Bobby’s for a couple months and went and … found you. You were lost on a hunt or something.

DEAN
THAT’S what we told you. (as if Sam’s story refreshed his memory) Right.

SAM
I’m sorry? That’s what you told me?

DEAN
Truth is, uh… I lost the food money that Dad left for us in a card game. I knew you’d get hungry, so … I tried taking the five-finger discount at the local market and got busted. I wasn’t on a hunt. They sent me to a boys’ home.

SAM
A boys’ home, like a … reform school?

DEAN
Yeah, more or less. It was a farm, and the guy who ran it – Sonny – he, uh, you know, he looked after me.

[…]

SAM
Hey, Dean … I mean, why didn’t you just tell me you went to a boys’ home?

DEAN
I don’t know. Uh, it was Dad’s idea. And then it just – you know, the story became the story. I was 16.

I copied most of the exchange (that’s the end of the scene, with Dean using that last line to end the argument) because I think context is sort of important… Basically a lot of meta writers since this episode have picked up on it as a really important phrase to explain a lot of things all round the show, where people have been holding onto ideas and stories which helped but really aren’t that great long term for their development and all. 

This one exchange summarises the entire point of this episode before you even get into it, and basically anything where they were holding onto an idea for safety or denial out of their childhood. Most John Winchester focused episodes have an element of it, this is just the most overt (I think it’s the key episode really for all Carver/Dabb era John-related stuff) so it gives us this great line to explain everything.

Now Mary’s back it’s even more critical because it’s basically explaining everything where there’s difficulty communicating, and Mary was still in the “story” up until Toni told her to her face that there was a different truth to the one she’s been clinging to. (I just scrolled past this great gifset with some side by sides

Essentially the entire story of Mary to Sam and Dean has been, well, a story. She has a whole history of being their tragic saintly mother, they never got to knew through anything but hazy memories and stories. Ever since then her image has been challenged, I mean, like, in 1x09 she apologises to Sam for what happened/will happen (not that she remembers this now) - but at the time it showed there was maybe something more to what Mary knew. Still, going back in time and meeting her, whatever we learn that she’s a hunter etc never changes who she IS to Dean and then Sam - they both look at her like she’s a flawless angel and permanently with tears ready to fall just to be in the same room as her. 

As much as John stuff has stories that became the story - the things they say to explain how bad it was to themselves, that they can focus on him being a great hunter, a hero who sacrificed himself for them, who had his noble tragic quest to avenge Mary, doesn’t really cover that he neglected them and raised them poorly, messed up, with too many expectations and dangerously. Which again is a theme since season 1 - if nothing else shows it clearly, then 1x18 with John sending Dean to clean up his mess with the striga… Which John blamed Dean for despite him being a kid, it was his fault for messing up the hunt not John’s for expecting this tiny child to protect his brother with a shotgun from a terrible monster. And I’ve never been certain he wasn’t using them as bait if he had left them alone in the same town as the monster knowing its pattern was to feed on kids.

So they have their stories about John - stuff where Dean accepts the blame or things where they can kid themselves it wasn’t all as bad as that, because they DID love him and he loved them and all that stuff is apparently what family does for each other - all the selling their souls etc.

Of course then it turns out Mary was the one who started it not John, which is the narrative asking us to question her, to allow her to be more human, as messed up as them, etc.

But actually having her back is difficult to get over the image, so for them the hurdle with Mary has been seeing past the story that became the story, that she is miserable and human and messed up as well (hence all the drama she’s put them through so far)… And they’re struggling with the image of John, where the story became the story and they haven’t exactly conquered that yet EITHER so asking them to be upfront and comfortable discussing it with Mary? She’s been folded into their perception of John and though they very very gently poked at the idea to start with, she was making essentially the same error as Henry Winchester:

HENRY
You’re also Winchesters. As long as we’re alive, there’s always hope. [DEAN and SAM look at each other.] I didn’t know my son as a man, but having met you two… [HENRY takes DEAN’s hand with his right hand and holds out his left hand to SAM] …I know I would have been proud of him.

He ALSO read all of John’s journal and was horrified by what had happened to him, but for his own sanity drew a nicer picture of John as a hero and a good man (because, on a cosmic level, he was and his actions were good and he saved people and sold his soul for Dean and didn’t even break in Hell when Dean did, like, what a great guy). Mary as a character with a full season long arc has a chance to learn more and get past that same introduction to what she missed while skipping ahead in the story to what to both Henry and her is essentially after the story ended, and to understand what’s underneath the story - that this upbringing by a crusading hero was not exactly a story of great parenting when it came to her sons. And even the only thing she doesn’t know yet after Toni’s attempt to tell her a version of the truth to upset her is that cupids connected her and John, and that her whole story THERE is also a half-truth because unlike the story Dean told her in 12x01 about how she met John, there is no cute love story - there’s manipulation from Heaven and in the end the same love that made her make that deal wasn’t all her fault because it came from a cupid’s arrow not just from her own heart. And it all “had” to happen because of the apocalypse.

Anyway, that’s the sort of thematic thread that has been running through the entire show but since 9x07 had really easy words to put to it to mean anything where this messed up family has constructed an easier truth over its darkness. 

(I have to say as I just watched 10x05 last, I really hated the Winchester Family Story as presented there with them all singing Carry On Wayward Son, and I think it was meant to be fake because Adam was there and they had to ask who he was… But the whole take away from the episode even for the actual Sam and Dean was a very very glossy idea of what they do and how their family is. Works great as a 1 off episode completely in isolation to actually celebrate the show and fandom as we love it, but in context 2 episodes after demon!Dean was laying into Sam about how they were raised and the real dark heart of their family, before trying to kill him…. it’s so fake, and watching those 2 episodes side by side like I did, without the werewolf melodrama in the middle… It’s so obviously a “the story became the story” to smooth over the whole demon!Dean incident so they can function for most of the rest of season 10… If you need another example of seeing it in action :D)