how fortuitous!

general li mulan

okay so i LOVE mulan okay. as far as i’m concerned it’s a Perfect Movie and doesn’t need any fixing. but i was thinking today and -

- what if mulan didn’t go to war to save her father?

say her father is dead, okay, killed by the previous war. so she’s raised by her mother and grandmother, women who’s complacency and softness has been worn away by necessity. she needs to marry well, for her family’s sake, because her mother has refused the hand of every man who offered. but mulan is even more rough around the edges than before, is educated not only in books (her mother said men wouldn’t find smarts attractive and grandmother pointed out that men aren’t always around and off to school mulan went) but in the sword too, taught to her by her classmate, ping.

mulan is considered in the lower end of the upper class, coming from a family of military men and scholars and successful merchants. ping is near the top, the son or nephew of an advisor to the emperor. his family is very rich and very important, and the reason they become friends is because mulan manages to notice something about him that he’s been hiding from everyone else - he’s going blind.

not totally blind, enough to get around, but blind enough that reading is difficult and swordplay is even worse, although once he has it down he has it. ping is no fool, he’s not weak or bumbling. his eyes just don’t work. so mulan notices and confronts him about it. she promises to keep it a secret, and hey, she’ll even help him with his assignments by reading the books out loud and helping him study. but in return he must teach her the sword, must teach her about military and tactics. he agrees.

ping and mulan become very good friends and there’s some raised eyebrows about it but they are TOO far away in class for it to be inappropriate, so they make tutting sounds and disapproving faces and let it go.

then the draft happens. ping can’t go to war, he won’t survive it. not with his eyesight like it is. so mulan offers him a deal - she’ll go to war for him, in his place. in return, if she survives, he must marry her. if she dies he must take care of her family.

ping can’t make this kind of family decision on his own, so he goes to his mother and tells her everything, about the eyesight and how he’ll die if he goes and mulan’s offer. his mother says he must keep it a secret from his father, but agrees - if mulan fights in her son’s place and survives, a wedding will be arranged. either way, mulan’s family will be taken care of. ping will be sent to live with some cousins in the meanwhile.

“you’re not in love with me, are you?” ping asks, helping mulan saddle her horse in the middle of the night. she scoffs and rolls her eyes, “not even a little. but marrying you will make my family happy, and besides, you’re my best friend,” she says, smiling, “better you than some grabby old man.” he smiles and hugs her and says, “i’m not in love with you either. but don’t die out there. we have a wedding to plan.”

so mulan goes to the camp, pretending to be ping, and she’s a little bit less lost but things still go as they go. she’s educated and trained, so it’s not hard for her to pass as ping. shang is keeping a special eye on her, thinking that she’s the son of an advisor, one of his father’s friends. and he sees how easily she excels, how quick thinking and smart she is, and starts giving her more and more responsibilities. by the time they’re called out, shang considers ping ie mulan to be his right hand man, and possibly his best friend.

he’s also a little bit in love with ping, and he’s long known he’s attracted to both genders, so he watches ping laugh and smile and the crease between his eyes when he frowns and does his best to let his feelings chase away the best soldier he has. every time shang looks at ping his heart clenches and he things to himself: i wish i could have you, i wish this was a time and a place where one man could have another, i wish you were a girl, is wish i was a girl - i wish we could be together. he’s literally a step away from doodling ‘li ping’ with little hearts over his battle plans. 

so the battles happen. shang and ping lead their men together, respected and loved. they each get promoted, and promoted, and promoted. it’s been years, and it comes to a point where they’re both generals in their own right. they trust each other, care for each other. and are both secretly in love with the other.

mulan is so conflicted. because she wants this war to end and to go home and settle back into life and become ping’s wife, so she can have an easy life spent studying and learning with her family taken care of. that’s what she’d wanted. but now what she wants is shang, her best friend, her brother in arms, her fellow general. she wishes to be everything to him, aches to be the woman on his arm and in his bed, but knows it’s the one thing she can never be.

then that final battle happens. mulan’s quick thinking saves them all and ends the war - but she’s injured.

shang finds out the ping has been a girl all along. he demands explanations - so she tells him everything, that she traded places with ping to save him, to become his wife.

and the lies should sting the sharpest, but they don’t. she’s still the same person, after all. it’s that she’s promised to another man, for one second he’d thought he might have her, but no. so he agrees not to reveal her but he’s furious and furious at himself for being furious and they’re not the same now, broken and splintered and neither of them know what to do.

the war is over. they leave. mulan returns home, and thanks to her ping is now known as a respected general. she’s done her part and survived, and now she gets her reward - ping’s hand in marriage.

but she sees ping for the first time and flings herself into his arms and starts crying. she tells him everything, because he’s still her friend, her very best friend besides shang, the man whom she lied to and betrayed and loves. and ping listens and takes her by the shoulders and says - i’ll uphold our bargain, if that’s what you want. you can be my pampered wife, you’ve more than earned it. but if you want to go to shang, i won’t blame you. you deserve your happiness.

and mulan goes back and forth, but ultimately she decides she has to try. if shang rejects her she’ll return and marry ping and uphold her family honor. but if shang wants her - he’s not as high up as ping, but he’s high up enough to satisfy her family, and also she would love him and want him if he was no more than a farming peasant so it doesn’t matter much anyway.

she rides to the capitol. she finally meets ping’s father, running into him while looking for shang. “ah mulan,” says this man who was never supposed to know of her until she became his daughter-in-law, “i didn’t expect to see you here. how fortuitous. walk with me.” she does, wary, and that’s how she discovers - he and the emperor had discovered her deception a year in, but at that point she’d already proven herself too skilled and valuable to lose. he tells her that he will uphold his son and wife’s deal and gladly welcome her to his household - but that she’s earned her rank as general, and that he and the emperor have no problem with letting her keep it.

she says thank you, shocked and joyful, but that she has to talk to someone first. “ah, yes, young general li,” he says, eyes twinkling, “i do believe he’s around here somewhere.”

she has no idea how he seems to know everything, but she finally tracks down shang who’s ecstatic to see her and hates himself for it. she confesses - says she loves him, that she’s engaged to ping but willing and able to break this engagement for shang. who is dumbfounded and elated and says yes, of course, finally and forever.

and mulan accepts her rank and marries shang, and they become the literal power battle couple of the general li mulan and general li shang. ping becomes a scholar and marries a very nice young woman who loves reading and is happy to read aloud to her husband with his failing eyes.

and they all live happily ever after.

On Flemeth, Thedas, & The Chess Master Archetype

“I nudge history, when it’s required. Other times, a shove is needed.” - Flemeth

Thedas is a terrible place.

There are a lot of terrible places, of course. And a lot of places that are more terrible than they might seen at first blush. But Thedas is basically the fantastical world-building equivalent of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Just with apocalypse scenarios rather than diseases.

It is therefore safe, in my opinion, to conclude that anyone pulling the strings behind the scenes in this setting is either:

1. Contending with one or more malevolent forces of equal or greater power


2. Pretty much just evil themselves

Flemeth would make a good case for just being evil, to be honest. Despite the fact that she’s saved two of the three greatest heroes to appear in Thedas in the past decade, she is currently sharing a body with Mythal (the ‘best’ of the evanuris… who were power-mad slave-owning tyrants), she is an abusive mother, and her full agenda would not need to be benevolent for her to ‘nudge’ history in ways that ensured things like the failure of the Blight, or Hawke’s survival. Saving the Warden only really confirms that she is not in favour of the Blight, and of course, Hawke’s survival was part of a bargain which resulted in her own resurrection.

But BioWare is very fond of maintaining ‘grey area’ in its characters, so it’s highly doubtful that she (or Solas, for that matter) will be revealed as complete villains in the fullness of the series.

Despite a shared history with one another, and the obvious potential for an alliance, Solas also does not approach Flemeth to conscript her voluntary aid. He instead seizes some kind of essence from her (the full details of which are still unknown) in an act that seems to result in Flemeth’s death (but, Flemeth has appeared to die before, and would seem to have created many failsafes and back-ups - whether Solas’ actions negate those or not remains to be seen). 

This would imply that Solas’ plans, and whatever Flemeth has been ‘nudging’ the world towards, are not one and the same. Or, if they are, that Solas is unaware of this.

So what is Flemeth doing?

Keep reading


Sitting on the sofa wrapped in your boyfriend’s arms, you sigh happily as you snuggle into his chest just a little bit more.
“Babe, you couldn’t get any closer,” he laughs, tightening his strong arm around you.
“I can try,” you smile back. You place a hand on his chest, twirling your finger round in the fabric of his top and he leans down to kiss you on the nose. You tilt your head up to look at him and he takes your lips with his swiftly, flipping you underneath him in the sofa, pinning you down with his hips.
“Eggsy,” you moan into his mouth, feeling his member stiffen. Suddenly his phone rings and he sits up immediately to answer it.
“Really?” You ask, an annoyed look on your face.
“Sorry love, it’s work,” he whispers, covering the mouth piece on the phone. He turns back to it, hand lowering and nods along, saying the odd ‘yep’ and 'okay’, then he finishes the call and turns back to you.
“I’m sorry, I’ll be right back, I just-”
“It’s fine, just go,” you sigh, trying to smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes, “who knew tailors would have to be on call 24/7.”
“I’ll be as quick as I can, and we can continue where we left off when I get back,” he winks, squeezing you into his chest and kissing all around your head before he dashes out of the door. You sit there, head in your hands, when JB waddles over to you and sits underneath you, whining a little.
“I know, I feel ya buddy,” you say, reaching down to stroke him. You sit like this for a while when he suddenly runs to the door, sniffing and scratching at it.
“Daddy home already?” You ask him as he yelps at the door. You open it, something that you immediately regret when you’re met with a hit to the head from someone in a balaclava.

“Where now?” Eggsy talks into his mic, asking where to go next down this maze of corridors at Valentine’s place.
“Umm,” Merlin starts.
“Wait, what’s wrong? You never 'umm’,” he says, panic in his voice rising.
“Listen, we’ve got a situation. Don’t freak out-”
“What the fuck do you mean don’t freak out? Tell me what’s going on!”
“(Y/N)’s here.”
“Fuck! Fuckin’ swear I’m gonna fuckin’ kill everyone if they lay a finger on her!”
“Calm down, we’ll get her, I promise, but you’ve got a job to do first.”
“What if-”
“No what ifs, just get the job done first. You know how it goes,” Merlin says calmly as Eggsy breathes furiously on the other end.
“Fine. Which way?”

You wake up in a small cell, your hands tied to the back of the chair, your ankles tied to the legs of it.
“She’s awake!” A man in a white coat calls out. Another man dressed the same comes into the room and through your blurry vision you see him smiling and hear the cracks of his knuckles.
“So you’re Galahad’s girlfriend. How fortuitous that we found you,” he says as you frown at him.
“Who the fuck is Galahad?” You ask, speech a little slurred as your head pounds. The man laughs, turning to the first man in the room and he starts laughing too. You sit there, thoroughly confused as to what’s going on and who this Galahad person is.
“She thinks she can lie to us!” The man chuckles.
“I’m not lying! I don’t know who Galahad is. My boyfriend’s name is Eggsy,” you say louder as you get frustrated with their laughing and accusing you of lying to them.
“It’s Galahad.”
“Eggsy!” You scream.
“Shut up,” the man says, getting annoyed with you and he slaps your face hard, jerking your head to the side. You gasp and he grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him.
“If you don’t start talking soon, things will get a lot worse for you,” the man spits, “where are the headquarters?”
“What-” you’re cut off by another slap.
“I asked you a question. You answer it. No questions from you,” he says through gritted teeth, “now where are the headquarters of Kingsman?”
“I don’t know,” you sigh.
“Liar!” He shouts, knocking into your stomach with a bat. You retch from the pain, saliva dripping out of your mouth and onto the floor, then he pushes you back into the chair forcefully.
“Tell me where it is and I won’t have to break any bones,” he continues.
“I really don’t know,” you sob, tears flowing from your eyes. He kicks you in the chest, throwing your body and chair to the ground and you hit the back of your head on the concrete floor, making you black out again. He rains punches down on your face as you lay there unconscious, inflicting as much pain as he can on you before you wake up and scream.

“Well done Galahad-”
“Where is she?” Eggsy asks as soon as Valentine has been taken out. This wasn’t the time for any congratulations, he needed to get to you, hold you, kiss you, feel your skin against his again. He didn’t know what he’d do if anything had happened to you, he’d be nothing.
“Go back out the way you came in, make a right, third door on the left,” Merlin instructs. Eggsy gets there as Merlin unlocks the door remotely and when he steps in the first thing he sees are the two men, heads exploded, laying on the floor lifeless. He sees a shadow in the darkness, close to the floor and as he approaches he realises its you. Looking down at your bloodied face, he almost starts to cry, but knows he needs to concentrate on getting you the help you need.
“Merlin, I need help, she’s… she’s I dunno, she ain’t breathing!” He shouts. Soon enough, Merlin appears at the door, running in to help Eggsy. They cut your wrists and ankles free, laying you out on the floor in the recovery position.
“Do something!” Eggsy says, gripping onto his hair frustrated.
“I need you to stay calm,” Merlin says softly, “she’s got a nasty cut on the back of her head, a couple of broken ribs and a broken wrist. She’s breathing, but it’s shallow, one of the ribs may have punctured a lung. Help me lift her.” Eggsy lifts your shoulders as Merlin takes your legs, then they get you into the plane and back to headquarters, where you’re checked over in the infirmary.
“What if she-”
“What did I say about what ifs? She’s going to be fine. Stop worrying. Come with me,” Merlin says, pushing Eggsy towards the door. They go outside into the fresh air, walking around the grounds in silence when Eggsy starts opening up.
“I lover her. Is it possible to be with someone in this job? If she died because of me…” he trails off, unable to finish his sentence.
“Of course it’s possible. It’s time for her to know the truth. Be open, be honest, so she knows what she’s getting into. I’ve seen you two together before, it’s going to take more than this to scare her off, trust me,” he says, looking straight ahead at the gardens.
“Thanks Merlin,” he says, then heads back inside to check on you. He sits next to your bed, gripping onto your hand tightly as you lay there hooked up to monitors and a drip. His head rests on your thigh and eventually his eyes close, drifting off into a deep sleep after the exhausting mission.
“Eggsy. Eggsy, wake up,” you whisper, panicking. He wakes up, wiping the dribble from his mouth and adjusting his glasses.
“It’s okay, I’m here love,” he says sleepily, “are you in pain? Do you need me to get you anything?”
“Eggsy, where am I?” You ask, frightened, bringing the blanket up to your chin.
“You’re in a hospital… At my work…”
“A tailors shop has its own hospital?”
“Nah, well, yeah actually. I’ve gotta tell you something,” he starts, sitting down on the bed next to you and putting his arm around you. He explains everything, from his dad to the present day, and tells you all that happened at Valentine’s bunker. You sit there, taking it all in, then turn to face him.
“I love you Eggsy,” you say, stroking his cheek and giving him a kiss on the lips.
“But…?” He says, expecting you to break up with him. You shake your head, smiling at him.
“But nothing, silly.”
“Oh! Okay,” he beams, “so that means we can finish off what we started earlier?”
“Yeah, when my ribs have healed, babe!”
“Sorry. I love you y'know.” You smile at his words and he settles into the bed next to you, holding you close all night.


thoughts on today’s Awful Squad

  1. I’m very glad that Griffin took the time to make a statement at the beginning of today’s Awful Squad re: NR, it was well put and gave me a lot of hope for what’s coming in Polygon’s future
  2. more specifically, Griffin said “ we are going to be working on becoming more thoughtful about the stuff that we make and how we make it”, which is excellent considering that they’re already a wonderfully positive and generally inoffensive company. However, there have been some missteps even outside of NR’s behavior (like the unfortunate transphobic moments in the Dream Daddy video), so I appreciate that they want to take a closer look at their collective behavior.
  3. they got a chicken dinner and I’m just so fuckin happy like. how fortuitous. that just feels like a good omen. a little sunshine in this painful bullshit time.

artificialities  asked:

Bahorel and Musichetta!

I mean as a practical matter of time and biology there’s zero problems here? Crack AUs aside, they’re totally close enough in age to be siblings, and we know nothing about Musichetta’s background, so: Musichetta is a Bahorel, full stop, she’s one of the Sister Army, she shares her love for literature and longing for Romantic-style Relationship Drama (with possibly less Actual Death) with her brother, there’s really nothing against it!

…Except that Bahorel and Joly clearly talk about her as someone that Bahorel doesn’t know.

So Not!fic time: 

Keep reading

Firelight - A Suriel Story

Hey, hey, everyone! So, this is my first shot at a fic and I want to thank@her-misplaced-wings, @sarahviehmann, @madeoficeandfire for reading it ahead of time and assuring me it didn’t sound dumb! This story was based off of a headcanon that I thought was incredibly interesting! XD I hope you all enjoy!

This is now part of my ACOMAF writing challenge! (found here) 

Summary - The last of the Suriel gather to share tales of their journeys.  

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

how'd you meet him in a bathroom

I was in line at a party and this dumbass came to the front when I was about to go in and was like “sorry I really have to pee imma just go in the shower” and I was like sure whatever so then that happened but I was like “ok I’m going to wait for you to leave” and then we kinda laughed about it and introduced ourselves and then just sorta looked at each other and since we were both drunk we were like fuck it and started making out and the girl outside was like WHY ARE THERE TWO PEOPLE IN THERE and all of it was mood

Haunted Houses and Ghosts

Shortly after Yasuhara takes the picture… PK ‘splosion. Chill, Naru. 

Haunted Houses and Ghosts

Rating: General

Category: Parody/Humor

Words: 5954 (Oneshot)

Background Info:

A fic featuring the gang playing DnD (GH style) to parody themselves, but it isn’t crack. It’s part of my post-canon fic collection that begins 3 weeks after the events from Akumu no Sumu Ie, mainly exploring Naru’s growth as he settles in to his place with the JSPR bunch. This particular piece is set about three years after. By this point MaiRu is a thing and Naru is continuing his studies in England and comes back to visit Japan whenever he gets a break.

This was previously posted on, but I’ve made some heavy edits to it and will re-upload there when I can. For now you can read below the cut, or head on to AO3, if interested.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Dear Lady Vanderbilt: I've decided to make my legend known through the art of cooking, but my trouble is I find the food comes out best if I cook in the nude. I like to think of you as I take the big, long shaft of my rolling pin and roll out the dough, then I gently knead it together, my fingers caressing it as they move in and out of the unformed bread, in and out. The spirits of the wild have not yet blessed my with inspiration for my next dish. I was hoping you might give me some ideas?

Oh my,

How… fortuitous then that I am currently seeking a new private chef for my estate. I think you would love my lush gardens and vast experience library. I guarantee you will not find a better paying post than with a Vanderbilt!

Eagerly awaiting your reply,

“NILES!” The lady of the house screeched after finishing her reply.

“My lady?” The dutiful butler replied, instantly at her side as if by magic.

Blanche blinked and composed herself. “Oh there you are, be a dear and fire our current cook will you please?”

“Has she displeased you?” He asked, suddenly worried he had not vetted their cook thoroughly enough.

“No but I found a better candidate.” The corners of her mouth curled into a mischievous grin.

Niles knew that look all too well and made a face when Blanche wasn’t looking.

plinys  asked:

PHILTHEO + first dance? idk if I promoted that before but oops

also here at Ao3


Philip was in fine form that night, traipsing around the room and bowing elegantly to all the eligible ladies with a wink.

None of it was serious or courtships fully formed and all parties involved knew it; the ladies eyes twinkling in delight and laughing at Philip’s compliments.

It took him until two hours to locate the host of the event, clapping William Mulligan, who was two years his senior, on the back.

“I see the Mulligans can still throw a party like the best of them.” Philip said, grinning widely.

“Don’t you have an examination of some sort tomorrow, Hamilton?” William grinned widely back at him, jostling Philip’s shoulder.

“Don’t you?” Philip retorted, the two of them studying for the same courses at school in law.

“But I have a party to throw.”

“And I have a sister to keep an eye on.” Philip nodded in the direction where Angelica was standing in the corner with her friends.

In truth he had had plans to study that night except that Angelica pleaded with him to come with her as chaperone, the only way their parents would allow her to attend.

“Have I mentioned your sister gets lovelier every day?”

“You’re engaged, Mulligan.”

“Too true,” William sighed, pleased and wholly in love so much it almost made Philip envious.

He caught Philip’s look before he could hide it and smiled at the younger man, patting him on the shoulder and Philip was about to retort when someone caught his eye.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hello :) i absolutely adored your hinny fic with the gurdyroot essay (the others were great too) and i was wondering if you would maybe want to write another one that takes place at around the same time? some pre-relationship flirting maybe? anyway thank you so much for sharing all your lovely stories! <3

Thank you so much! That is so kind of you to say, and I hope you enjoy this one, too :)

– -

Ginny was sat at the table opposite, writing a Herbology essay. Or maybe a Potions essay. She kept referring to One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, thumbing through her very battered old copy, so either way, it had something to do with plants. But there were fewer diagrams on her parchment than you’d expect for Herbology, so maybe it was Potions. He knew she was hoping to take both subjects for NEWT, so would have to do well in both of her upcoming OWL exams and—

She coughed and looked up slightly, and Harry jumped, burying his head in his…Charms homework? No, Transfiguration: that was it. Was he writing an essay, too? Something like that. He glanced at the title at the top of his parchment, hoping it might give him a clue about what he was supposed to be doing, but he’d just written Spells for and not elaborated, so that didn’t help much. That in itself might not have been too shameful, except that he’d written that half-title a little while ago, it had been…he glanced at his watch, then gulped.

For nearly a full hour, he had been trying to think of something to say to Ginny Weasley.

Perhaps he’d better have a word with Professor Dumbledore. Not because he thought he would know what to say to Ginny (he’d probably suggest offering her a Sherbet Lemon), but because the Professor—and indeed most of the wizarding world—were pinning their hopes on him as the person who would defeat Lord Voldemort. Someone who couldn’t even say hello to a very pretty girl could not hope to defeat the most evil dark wizard of all time.

Though, in fairness, he only hoped to defeat Voldemort. He wanted Ginny to actually speak to him. And like him. And kiss him. And marry him and bear him children and live with him and grow old with him. And maybe kiss him some more.

So not much.

Keep reading

At the Beginning, Part 1

So, you know how I mentioned a week or so ago having an idea for an early S1 fic, and asked if I should write it or if the moment had passed for that…well enough of you wanted to see it that I decided to run with what my muse gave me.

This is set between S1 E1 and S1 E2, and is me trying to see just how early in the show I can write a sexy Ichabbie fic that works for me. (Writers should challenge themselves, right?) So, here goes…

“It’s nothing fancy,” Abbie said as she pulled into the motel parking lot, “but it’s a place to stay. Should be better than a mental hospital or a jail cell, anyway.”

He…Crane…her new friend/partner/whatever he was… Her time traveler (by now she was somewhere north of 90% sure he was exactly what he claimed)… Her partner in headless-monster fighting and apocalypse averting stared at the building with the intense concentration she was beginning to realize was a front for bewilderment. For a guy that smart, being constantly confused by everything in his surroundings had to be beyond frustrating.

Keep reading

JJBA Steel Ball Run, Vol. 17 Impressions

Don’t Eat Horse Shit, Gyro

Hello. Are You Wearing A Belt Buckle As A Barrette?

He Shot Him Right In The Sinus!

Um. Hopscotch?

The Spaghettification Continues

He Nailed You

Dropping Some Acid

Optical Illusion

You’re Scaring The Children

Look At The Discord You’ve Sown In This Playgroup

A Police Sketch Artist! How Fortuitous!


Was Trusting Someone Who Tried To Assassinate Them Somehow The Wrong Decision?!

Oh Good. More Bible Stories With Araki.

Manful Tears

So We’re Just Going To Ignore The Ascension, Huh?

I Am SHOCKED That This Shonen Manga Isn’t Completely Theologically Sound

The Real Hidden Treasure Was Jesus All Along

I Don’t Like The Way That Wolf Is Smiling

Why Do You Keep Showing Me President Valentine With His Shirt Off And His Pants Undone? I Don’t Want This.

Wekapipo Is A Debbie Downer

You’ve Been Hit By. You’ve Been Struck By. Patriotism??


Someone Clearly Has A Mindfuckery Stand

Dio: Jockey, Dinosaur, And Quick-Change Artist

He… He Turned Them Into Dinosaur Lamps!

Horrible. Dinosaur Mouth.

It Seems This Whole “Shooting Johnny” Thing Was Just A Wacky Misunderstanding

Diego’s Many Dinosaur Children

Cruelty To Dinosaurs

Well, If You Do Not Hang Together, You’ll Surely Hang Separately

He Needs That Like He Needs A Hole In The Head


The Ivy: Elegant New Digs In Baltimore’s Mount Vernon

Visitors to Baltimore’s Mount Vernon can now dwell in the small, luxury Ivy Hotel that in June opened in a turreted Gilded Age mansion on Mt. Vernon’s Biddle and North Calvert streets. The property happens to face a fine, modest house in which Wallis Simpson lived as a child. No details were spared in the makeover of the mansion: a local craftsman, after all, cleaned every inch of original dark wood by hand—and toothbrush. And how fortuitous after years of house neglect that several Louis Tiffany stained glass windows have survived in one of the Ivy drawing rooms.


I told you I keep my promises!  This is the long awaited follow up to my Carenzo BroTP fic “Kindred."  It consists of mostly Carenzo snark with a side of done-with-their-shit Cami, amused Elijah, and jealous Klaus, and a good dose of Klaroline fluff right at the end, to fulfill all those fluffy needs.  Thank-you to everyone who reblogged my plea for followers, and to those of you who saw those pleas and followed - this one is for all of you.

                She really should have known better than to trust Enzo to make their summer vacation plans.

                She had assumed he would do something crazy, of course.  But she thought it would end with them getting drunk and gambling away her college savings in Vegas or Atlantic City.  Maybe, if he was in one of his odder moods, they would end up at a Cirque du Soleil show, which she knew she would find trippy, but would otherwise be harmless.

                She expected crazy.

                She didn’t expect New Orleans.

                “No,” she said to him when she woke up one morning after he had spent the night driving to see the sights and sounds of the French Quarter.  Caroline had never been to New Orleans, but she watched enough TV and spent enough time scouring tourism books to know where she was.  “No way.  Turn this car around, Enzo.”

                “After we spent all this time getting here?  Come on, Blondie, don’t you want to experience the Big Easy?  It’s a hell of a place to party.  A pity we missed Mardi Gras… next time we’ll have to come for it.  You’d adore Mardi Gras.  The beads, the color, the food… getting flashed and getting laid.  It’s a hell of a time.”

                “This isn’t funny, Enzo.  I can’t be here.  I told you I didn’t want to go crawling to him!”  Caroline glared daggers at the brunette, but he was used to her moods and just grinned back easily, and gave her head a condescending pat that had her fangs dropping. 

“There, there, Gorgeous.  You don’t have to beg if you don’t want to… but after five hours, I’d think you’d at least want to consider it.”

                “I told you that in confidence, you ass!” she snarled, wondering if their friendship would survive her snapping his neck, stealing his car, and abandoning him in New Orleans.

                Probably, she knew, which was the one reason she didn’t do it.  Instead she faced the front window and crossed her arms with a pout. Enzo chuckled from behind the wheel, which just made Caroline huff again and pout even more.

                “Cheer up, Caroline.  If you’re that against seeing your Hybrid, we’ll just get some gumbo and continue on.  Maybe you’d prefer if we headed for Florida?”

                “Orlando?” Caroline asked hopefully, peeking at him from the corner of her eye.  “Harry Potter World?”

                “Really?  Harry Potter World, Caroline?” Enzo asked deadpan. “Isn’t that the book about the magical bloke with the scar?”

                “I grew up on those books, thank-you very much.  Hermione Granger is my soul mate… only I have better hair.  So, yes.  Harry Potter World.”

                Enzo parallel parked his car in an open slot and, once he had shifted to neutral and turned it off, he turned a serious expression to Caroline.

                “I take it back.  I don’t care if you don’t want to see the Hybrid.  You’re going to, because you need to get laid.  You were a cheerleader – the most popular girl in your high school – and now you want to go to Harry Potter World.  You’re becoming a geek, and as your best friend, I simply can’t allow that to happen.”

                “Oh, God,” Caroline stared back at him horrified.  “I am, aren’t I?  I should be demanding to go to a beach and get drunk with a bunch of hot frat guys.  What is happening to me, Enzo?”

                “You’ve gone too long without any action, Blondie.” Enzo opened his door and got out and Caroline did the same.  “We can fix this.”

                “Having sex with Klaus won’t fix anything.  It will only make things worse.  Did I tell you he killed Elena? I mean, she obviously didn’t stay dead, but he still killed her.  And her aunt, who did stay dead. Oh, and my ex-boyfriend’s Mom!  Are you seeing the theme here, Enzo?”

                “All I see is the lady protesting too much.  In we go, Blondie” – he held the door to a small, run down bar open – “and by protesting, you’re just convincing me that coming here was the right thing.”

                “I hate you,” Caroline stated, grabbing a stool at the bar.  “I hate you so freaking much right now.”

                “Please, Sweet, you love me.  Two of whatever you have on tap, Love.  And some gumbo, I promised my lovely friend here that we’d try it.” Enzo gave the bartender, a pretty blue eyed blonde, his best charming smile, and she gave her own back along with a raised brow.

                “I’ll have to see your lovely friend’s ID, first.  Bar policy,” she replied easily, holding her hand out to Caroline.

                “Now, that’s not really necessary, is it?” Enzo asked, catching the blonde’s hand and meeting her eyes, working his compulsion on her. 

                The bartender ripped her hand away and took a nervous step back.

                “I’m on vervain,” she said quickly, looking at the pair with thinly veiled panic, and Caroline and Enzo exchanged alarmed looks at this new knowledge.  “And I’m under the protection of the Mikaelsons.  Klaus won’t appreciate it if I turn up drained and dead.”

                “Well then,” Enzo murmured, his alarm fading into another smirk.  “You know Klaus, do you?   That’s excellent.  My friend and I are looking for him and don’t know where to find him.  Perhaps you could help?”

                “How do you know Klaus?” Caroline asked with a stony expression.  She looked at the bartender with new eyes, taking in the hair and the eyes and the vintage dress, and she had to bite back a scowl when Enzo turned his amused smirk to her.

                “Thinking she’s your replacement, Goldilocks?  I have to admit, there are some surface similarities, but I doubt she has your depth.  Have to be tortured to get that many layers, you do.  Have you ever been, m’dear?” Enzo turned back to the bartender, his smirk becoming somewhat sharp.

                “Ever been tortured?” she replied incredulously.  “No, and I think I’d rather not have depth if that’s what it takes.”

                “See,” Enzo turned back to Caroline with a dismissive wave of his hand toward the bartender.  “Weak imitation.  Once we get him the real thing, he’ll forget him.”

                “Yeah, hate you so much right now,” Caroline banged her head on the bar top before looking at the other blonde with resigned eyes.  “I need to be drunk now.  So, do you think we could skip over the ID and just go straight to the alcohol?”

                The bartender looked at Enzo with a tight, unimpressed expression before turning a wry smile to Caroline.

                “You look like you need it.  I’m Camille.  Let me get you that drink, and then I can tell you where Klaus is.”

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So, I have a larger ~*Summer Shipping Project*~ in the works for @lunaplath and @aliceofalonso, but after GOT 6x02 aired, I had a “Sansa ends up at Castle Black and Shipping Shenanigans ensue” idea, tinged with my “Jesus Snow gives even fewer fucks than Lord Commander Snow” headcanon, and I wanted to at least start it before 6x03 happens.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In the few days since Jon’s resurrection, Ghost has devoted every minute of his attention to Jon. So when Ghost breaks stride with Jon in the early morning hours and tilts his massive head upwards, Jon notices.

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