how dumb can you get i ask you


hi guys today I made a tutorial on how to make my favorite art nouveau-y embellishments! these are a super fun and easy way to add a little emphasis to a drawing and you can make all kinds of designs once you get the basic flow! If you have any questions feel free to ask and let me know if there’s any kind of tutorial you’d like for me to make in the future !!!

we all know victuuri are yuri’s dads but the family is much larger than that listen here:

big sis mila

  • suggested beating a kid for making yuri drop his ice cream
  • “cant go out because of homework?…please tell me you didnt just say that”
  • teached yuri how to cheat in class
  • “dont tell lilia”

grandpa yakov

  • gives yuri some money every time he wins something or gets a good grade
  • “how old are you again”
  • in constant competition with yuri’s grandpa
  • “did victor do something dumb again”

big bro-tabek

  • taught yuri how to ride a bike
  • “no you cant kick someone because they said cats suc- mila stop encouraging him
  • “can you make a remix of never gonna give you up with victor’s voice”
  • yuri tried to get victor to adopt otabek at least five times

vodka uncle chris

  • gives great advice but only when tipsy
  • gets in fights with his boyfriend and asks yuri who’s right
  • bonding over cats
  • “wanna see my album of embarassing young victor pics?” “hell yes”

ithinkihopr  asked:

So in movies I've seen sword clashes where they will just try and use brute force to take out the other person until one succeeds or backs out. Is there a reliable other way to get out of that clash or is that actually how it happens?

So, Matt Easton over on his Scholagladitoria channel talked about how this was stupid in one of his videos, and we linked it in one of our asks, but I can’t find it now. The answer is when you’re looking at sword duels, those movie sword clashes are dumb. They’re an excuse for these protracted monologues which should end before they begin with someone being socked in the jaw.

See, that’s the thing. You can use other parts of your body. You disengage, they come forward, and you hit them with your fist.

Swords aren’t brute force weapons, and it’s actually fairly difficult to lock them together. This situation wouldn’t be occurring if both actors weren’t choosing to participate in this specific way. It doesn’t work like this because one of the key factors in basic hand to hand combat also applies to swords. This is that if you have two people shoving at each other, both applying equal force in an attempt to push the other back, one can simply let go. With no force to push against, the other person becomes unbalanced and they fall.

Strength isn’t the only way to win. In fact, it’s a fairly bad one to bet all your chips on. With movies, these scenes are supposed to be a symbolic expression of strength and combat ability. The winner shows his dominance over the loser. It’s the sort of stupid Alpha dog shit that will get you killed in real life because strength, at least the way most people think of it, means a lot less than it seems to. Combat and defense aren’t built on physical resistance all the time, they’re mutable, and shifting. Sometimes, you just let go and end up in a better position than the one you started in.

Say someone has you by the arm and their pulling you, but you don’t want to go with them. You can resist by planting your feet and drawing back in the opposite direction which is what they expect or you can go with them. By go with them, I mean physically throw yourself at them. They give you a nice hard yank and you use that as a launch pad, use it against them, and hit them so you both topple to the ground.

The logic of combat is conservation of energy. You only have so much to work with and are constantly expending it, so you want to win as fast as possible. Endurance training will expand your pool, martial training gives you more resources to work with, but the pool itself is always finite.

Pushing against another human who is applying equal force to you takes more energy than letting go. You use up that finite pool faster, wear out your muscles with constant tensing. It’s a bad position, one you don’t want to be in. With a sword, when you lose out you get stabbed. Unless you’re specifically of the mindset where you’re chasing death, you want to win.

The Hollywood version of the sword clash is there to give the actors a breather and spout their dialogue, which is the kind of talking you usually can’t get off in a tense fight anyway. You need that air to breathe so the oxygen goes back into your blood, and your attention on keeping the other person from killing you. Witticism is for when things aren’t serious.


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60 Tips for IB - from a 45 pointer

A lot of people have been asking me about general tips for surviving IB and how I got 45 points. If I’m honest I think the difference between 40 and 45 points is just pure, dumb luck, but at least here are some tips to getting up to the 40 -points level :D

This is a list of tips my friend and I wrote right after our IB exams. We were feeling quite high at the moment, so I had to edit some of the tips so you could actually take the advice seriously…


2. Don’t do “homework” at home!!!

3. Find a study buddy

4. Proceed to ignore everyone but your study buddy

5. Not your dog though

6. Escape from your family / responsibilities (e.g. do your homework abroad, in someone else’s basement, coffee shops, libraries, group rooms at school, sneak into university study halls etcetc. The possibilities are endless)

7. Set yourself a time limit for doing the TOK Essay. (Don’t do it two weekends in a row, you will go crazy)

8. Don’t attempt to finish the EE in one day

9. Remind your science teacher about the IA. It’s for your own good.

10. Whether it’s 5am or 2am, figure out when you work best and stick to it.

11. Don’t think you’ll learn stuff in class. Seriously. Read the books instead, and use classes as revision / sleep time / relaxing time.

12. Mark schemes will be your best teacher. 

13. Write syllabus notes FROM THE VERY START.

14. You won’t understand TOK but at least try to have fun with it.

15. Don’t forget about CAS, but don’t spend too much time on it either.

16. Install “StayFocusd” but don’t go nuclear option for a week

17. Memorize the opening hours of the public study areas in your vicinity 

18. Listen to Christmas music if you’re sad

19. Get a whiteboard for revision

20. Physics students: buy the Tsokos revision guide

21. Chemistry students: YouTube Richard Thornley 

22. Biology students: YouTube Alex Lee

23. Read the language books during the summer

24. Don’t give a fuck about English B…but TAKE ENGLISH B IF YOU CAN

25. Don’t choose science as your EE subject (unless you have a super smart and helpful and amazing supervisor)

26. Love your teachers, see them as your friend. They’re adorable.

27. Love yourself too

28. Making a plan (without necessarily following it) will help calm you down

29. 8tracks have amazing playlists

30. Dictionaries are cool

31. is cooler

32. Watch TV shows all year round to get your mind off things, just not season finales right before the exams

33. Cry it out

34. Shout it out

35. Drink it out

36. Just don’t get too drunk or violent that’s bad

37. Your nerdy classmates are your friends and teachers

38. Bring coffee / tea to school, if you make it to school

39. It’s OK to skip school for school

40. Waste money on school shit, you’ll earn it back in the future

41. If you can afford it, go to Lanterna summer course. You might get friends from other countries who’ll be able to help you throughout the year, by exchanging resources etc.

42. Make puns about nerdy stuff (like, about life, the universe and everything)

43. Be proud of being a nerd, everyone knows it already

44. EAT

45. SLEEP (sometimes it’s worth skipping school for)

46. Some teachers are nice about students sleeping in class

47. Concentrate when doing IA experiments though, take notes, or even better: film it

48. By the way, FILMING can reduce a lot of errors in science experiments. Write that as an improvement in your evaluation part!!

49. Question banks can be found, if you know where to look

50. Don’t care about other people’s grades

51. Don’t care too much about your own grades either. You’ll survive either way. Calm down. “Chillax”. 

52. Don’t do TOK presentation alone.

53. WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER (uni will be a piece of cake for you. also u can puke out a 4-paged-essay, proof-read and everything, in less than an hour, handwritten. amazing)

54. IB therefore I BS

55. Decorate your wall with IB gems

56. You’ll learn a lot from teaching others / making up games / doing past papers. Don’t just read books and highlight. Don’t just listen to the teachers. You won’t remember shit that way.


58. You’re allowed to protest sometimes

59. Don’t think too much about TOK / the uncertainty principle / relativity / astrophysics / DNA / nihilist bullshit from the language books. Stick to your reality and be happy. Have fun. Enjoy life. Stop giving so much fucks. Lower your expectations. (I honestly spent IB preparing to fail and start a bakery or something. Life is full of pleasant surprises that way)

60. Your Non-IB friends will laugh at you. Your siblings will laugh at you. Your teachers will laugh at you. You will laugh at you. But it’s okay, 2 years will be over in a flash ^^

/roast em’

Originally posted by fyspringfield

(via Scorpio @ everyone else)

Aries: Boi, looking like a mad toddler who just lost their red power ranger. Boi, asking for an adult but but really what you need to do is read a motherfucking book. Boi, walking around here like you run shit but really you just stepped on some. Head ass lurking in the shadows just waiting for someone to lit yo wanna-be Goku ass up. Angry looking self. Looking like the next care bear head ass. “Call me Petty the Panda”, head ass. Claiming that you know everything but don’t even know how to spell ‘spaghetti’, head ass. Always wanting to turn little shit into a fucking competition, pumped like Sonic shit. Always doing shit you know you shouldn’t be doing in the first place, risk-taking-at-the-wrong-time fuck. Don’t know how to accept that your wrong sometimes, stubborn ass boy.

Taurus: Got em’. Always talking about ‘I told you so’ but you really should be saying ‘I didn’t know’ head ass. ‘Stubborn till the day I die’ looking self. Don’t know the answer but still front like you do, wise yeller ass fool. Telling others you pity the fool but really they pity you, head ass. Talking about “presh off the runway” but really, “phresh until Monday” there-is-always-a-sale looking self. Never lets go of petty shit, head ass. Has everything that anyone has ever done wrong to them on the back of a Baskin Robbins’s napkin their back pocket. Claiming somebody on the Internet who don’t even know yo under-a-rock head ass. Don’t even feel like moving to get the remote next to you, lazy ass self.

Gemini: Mother fucka’. You talk too much. Your breath has killed my eyebrows and eyelashes hair’s cells and got me looking like fucking Voldemort in this hoe. You need some breath mints and some holy water because that mouth need Jesus. Keep breathing through that nose, thirst trapping ass. Keep asking about someone’s life only to use that shit on them an hour later, nosy self. Talking about “fuck these hoes” but really it’s “nobody has to know” head ass. Type to not to want to upset someone but #FuckBoiiii appears to ruin it. Make up some shit and forget that you did a week later, trouble making self. Start drama on fucking Club Penguin, head ass. Make a sim called “Thotnatisha SuccGreen” and fuck everyone on the street, hoe self. #ThotNation Got two phones for weed selling and your so called hoes. But really it’s your Momma and she want her money by tonight or she kicking your no-rent-ass-paying out.

Cancer: OOOH, now I’m bout to get you. Always asking “what are we?” when you dead ass know the answer, insecure self. Moods be shifting faster than how many times can Spongebob cry you a sweater, emotional self. Playing bitches faster than Mario Kart, head ass. Is the glass half empty, or not, pessimistic self. Can’t even trust your own reflection, always on the look out fuck. Quit ridding on so many people’s dicks who don’t give two shits about your clingy self. Quick to play that innocent card when you get confronted on some shit, Barney the Dinosaur ass child. Crying to that one song you heard when you were dating that one girl from Build-A-Bear Workshop Online and you caught her in a bed with some other person, lonely self. Don’t even hit someone up on their funeral unless you know they really dead, stay on the suspect ass. Thinking you got mad haters but really its the same one bitch who be commenting “You ugly skank ass hoe” on your IMVU profile since 2008. 

Leo: Bout to light your fake circus looking wig on fire, bitch. Mad disrespectful when it comes to that big ass pride of yours. Not afraid to bite someone but more scared of what they got, drama starting ass.Telling mad lies about some bitch you don’t know of, but she apparently got beef so you gotta Chief Keef. Lips looser than an IKEA desk chair, mother fuck. Keep telling yourself that people will wait on you head and toe, watch how fast you lose followers on Twitter, you ‘but-i’m-almost-famous’ ignorant self. Demand all you want, that crown looking mighty rusty, fam. Rolling in the deep, but you actually rolling with the sheep, following trends like its the Barbie, sheep self. Skull thicker than a thick bitch doing squats at 24Hour Fitness, stubborn self. Don’t care if you don’t like this like that or them like the way they are. Fix your eyebrows before you come for me, hoe. Eyebrows looking like they lift pigeons, wanna be thug self. 

Virgo: Bro, oh my God- no body cares bruh. You stay getting on other people about fixing their lives but yo dumpster living ass has no fucking say! Keep assuming that bull shit and which your ass get mistaken for a real life Patrick the Starfish. How is that ego of yours? Still buried under all the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth, “i’m super-man!’ head ass. Keep judging other’s like you aren’t the type to throw it back on a bro on Saturday and praise the Lordt ™ on a Sunday. Bro, ain’t no body perfect so stop with the bull shit, and come down from those raggy ass stairs you sit your raggy ass ‘throne’ upon and come fuck with these hands if you wanna. Bro, The Starkeisha Cheer Team song, I”’m Petty”, was made just for your life fam. Stop getting mad when these hoes pull a ‘you’ on you’. Type to play mind games, but get made when you get CRISS CROSSED, meme looking self. Pull out game getting stronger and stronger even though you know damn well this girl setting your ass smooth the fuck up. YOU ARE THE FATHER.

Libra: Words itself, can not explain how fed up I am with you. You keep asking for advice knowing your ass isn’t gonna listen in the first place. Non-listening self. Like, do you mother fuckers comprehend the word “no”? Like is it in y’all vocabulary? NO, MEANS, NO NO NO. NO NO NO NO. Bro, that word can save you from all this little shit your dumb ass think there-could always-be-peace, dumb self. Choking on that dick of self-improvement, huh? Open your fucking eyes, and take off those damn rose sunglasses because shit is about to get real as fuck the minute you get out of high school. Acting like life is a anime- bitch, your grades won’t automatically improve with every time senpai looks at you!  Ain’t nobody care more about you then you do- all these little friends and squads you so called got will eventually leave your ass in the dust. Talking about “Oh, my bitches got me” hoe, your bitches are now  free while you still trying to get a ‘get-out-of-free-card’ they apparently got for you. It’s been 7 months, and your still in jail. Start making moves with your not-wanting-undesirable-traits head ass. Bitch you ain’t perfect. Wipe that fake smile off your fucking face. Wanna be ‘bad and boujee’ but really you ‘sad and lonely’, fake self. Flip a coin on your grades, careless self. And learn that just because you do one small thing for someone, doesn’t mean that they fucking owe you their loyalty.  Balance is the key, head ass. Wanna be Judge Judy, underdeveloped self. Can’t take a hint, in-denial self. 

Scorpio: (We have our regularly scheduled meeting at 2:00 AM. See your ass then.) 

Sagittarius: You literally are the reason why roasts were even properly termed and noted- fam, WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? You stay acting like your doing all this crazy and fun shit, but bitch. You just blow stories up to make your ass sound better. Wanna be ‘Wild and Out’ but really your barely on the same level of American Ninja.Your not even that fucking wild to begin with- you just say some wild and or stupid shit, at times. When your not being a little irresponsible fuck or being a cocky cunt because you got into some lame’s pants- your pretty dope to talk to. But see, see- you and that mouth again. You claim not to care but then your ass get mad when some hoe don’t call you back on Tuesdays after 11 PM. Always on stand by to fight, but never on stand by to get right, head ass. Keep fucking with those types that bring you down and anyone who doesn’t think like you do is apparently stupid. Keep up that same argument with yourself, and see how fast catch these hands, fam. Told your teacher that you want to be a brick wall when you grow up, head ass. Your problem not mine, tactless ass self. Tell a bitch what you want her to do, but won’t listen to what she want you to do, selfish self.  Say your single and your not dating, but claiming three hoes on campus, fuck boy in some cargo shorts during February dumb self. Also getting angry when things don’t go your way, toddler power self. They call you, ‘Closer to hell’ more then they call your actually name, always-hitting-my-arm-while-you-laugh violent self. Threaten me on the daily but won’t put on the chef hat to cook this beef. 

Capricorn: Bet your the type to cheat on Tic-Tac-Toe, mother fucker. Looking like someone fucked up your taxes last year and now you don’t even trust your own momma, head ass boy! Bet your ass was born with a checklist in hand, to see who the fuck woke you up, grumpy old man self. “Well I can do bad all by my self” bitch did anyone ask?! Stay being distant with your Dora the Explorer head ass, fam. Ain’t no body got the time to sit here and figure your shit out.  Only fuck with somebody if they got the goods or you just like being better then they ass, ego-self-boosting fucker. Claim you got the keys, but really all you got is this Wii wheel. Driving towards a better future head ass. Failure isn’t an option when really you live in denial,  controlling self. Be the type to plan out your unborn daughter’s whole life, don’t want any surprises self. Try to control the world, yet can’t even control they own life head ass. Stuck in the 90s head ass. Doesn’t even have beef, the fool got that unseasoned chicken breasts.

Aquarius: I’m lost for words, yo- you really are a reckless son of a bitch. Are you even fucking here right now? Bet your planning on your next escape from your momma’s house, huh? Calling up your home boy to come smoke you out at 3 AM, but get mad when he calls for a ride to Walmart to get some groceries, selfish ass. Talking about how you got the squad to back your ass up, but the minute the cops pull around they running faster than you can even sing y’all anthem. Minute you start getting roasted, they laughing with them.  Keep claiming that your rebellious and just so weird. Watch your ass be in the back alley of a club, throat deep on a guy name Ashley who is feeding you lies to boost that overconfident ass ego. Young, wild and free, head ass. But your really Dumb, broke, and over that show Glee. Yo, do you even know how to fucking not do something? Is your whole life a dare? Nah, its not wanna be edgy ass fool. Don’t know how to love but wants it, contradicting self. Unpredictable because you scared of real life, escapist chimpanzee. 

Pisces: I’m ready for your fake ass. YOU. ARE. NOT. INNOCENT. You’ve done some how do you say shady ass shit, fam. Don’t even act like your ass didn’t laugh when your friends or even family do something or have something terrible done to them. Two face looking rainbow monkey self. Cry over split milk, baby self. Cry over being angry, matter of fact. Using people but get mad about being used, sensitive self. Wanna be dark and emo but can barely say no to someone who wants money. Saying you don’t have a soul, but got upset over that old cat dying in front of your living room window, caring self. Claiming that nobody knows you yet posts mad shit about your life on the internet. Wanna be that cool dude in school so you backstab the fuck out of your close circle to fuck some prep or jock to just end back right where you were freshmen year. Stupid and alone. Learning life lessons from cartoons when you really should be fixing that resume. Claim you understand but really you don’t give a damn. Go smoke and try to explain life to a tree, dead ass boy. Fuck you and your bull shit. 



  • When did you start to care? 
  • I’ve dreamt about your death; put money in a collection box and prayed for it; blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I’m not sure I’d feel relief or guilt.
  • What if I don’t want to change?
  • Don’t what? 
  • You’re a fucking pussy. 
  • You look like a baby rabbit when you sleep.
  • You’re getting careless. Don’t.
  • I just assumed we’d eventually decide how to move together like normal couples do.
  • But there never was a ‘we’.
  • People fuck up, that’s life.
  • Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you, regardless of what you do. 
  • Please don’t be the guy that lies. 
  • I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. No need for any more character. 
  • I need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical and my money’s been on you. 
  • Anyone who’s been married knows that sex is downhill from there. 
  • Big toe is throbbing like blueballs that no blowjob can ever fix. 
  • She’s a skanky, manipulative bitch and you should unfriend her. 
  • The porn at my desk isn’t really porn. It was pictures of penises, but it was from a circumsision website. 
  • I’ve seen crazy and I’ve seen bad for kids. You aren’t either of those things.
  • Don’t forget to check for hair behind the grill. 
  • I realize you’ve had sketchy parental role models, but can we agree that offing people is not cool? 
  • That turned me off, periscope down. 
  • I want normal people problems. 
  • When you tried to get me to be intimate with three of your friends, it made me feel sad. 
  • So, thanks to me, you’ve been pistol whipped and shot in the ass. 
  • Alcohol is a gift.
  • All I’m gonna be thinking about when you choke me out is how much I love you. 
  • If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard you say that, I’d have one dime. 
  • I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just genetic. 
  • I know you think you’re helping, but as someone who has been in and out of the system care my entire life, I can tell you it’s a nightmare. 
  • I wasn’t sure I’d see you again. 
  • Nobody fucks with the [insert last name]
  • You buried a body and you stole from the federal government. You will never get out of prison. 
  • We could always adopt.
  • Girls take that hero stuff straight to the bank. 
  • The whole 'my dad is gay for your brother’ thing has thrown me outta loop. 
  • Giving or receiving? 
  • Doing things you don’t wanna do is how you make a relationship work. 
  • I know school was never your thing, but you’ve never been dumb. 
  • Asking him to pick me over them is asking me to change the thing I love most about him. 
  • She is a crazy bitch and not crazy bitch like you’re a crazy bitch. 
  • She once tried to beat me to death with a frozen fish because I asked for more broccoli. 
  • Kick ass, take names.. and don’t blow anyone. 
  • When you’re poor, the only way to make money is to scam it or steal it. 
  • You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word, than a kind word alone. 
  • If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. 
  • My baby was stolen by my mom and her developmentally delayed boyfriend. 
  • He’s not my boyfriend. 
  • It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. 
  • I’m not going to let you throw him out like used Kleenex. 
  • She’s fragile.
  • She’s broken. 
  • I don’t wanna be me anymore. 
  • An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina? 
  • You gotta get me out of this car, I’m getting too horned up. 
  • I’m sorry, but now I gotta go pick up my wife’s boyfriend. 
  • Sometimes it’s not worth holding out. Life’s too short, why not just give in? 
  • Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? 
  • I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. 
  • Your mother was a real cunt. 
  • Circle doesn’t start with an S? What the fuck? 
  • Sometimes when I see the word hospice on the street, I pronounce it ho-spice. 
  • You’re lucky your moms dead. 
  • I made a list of the top 50 stupidest things and all 50 were when I was drunk. 
  • My testicles have never been my ally. 
  • Go fuck yourself. 
  • Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended. 
  • I’m sick of living in your shadow. 
  • I never thought I’d say this, but you were right. 
  • She said she had some personal business. I change her diaper, what’s more personal than that? 
  • How can you be so cold about this? 
  • Just for the record, a lot of great men have been well-lubricated. 
  • I’m not the reason your life is a piece of crap.
  • Your coochie smells like brimestone and Sulfur. 
  • One of my unspoken rules is you don’t fuck someone else when we’re on a date. 
  • You married a drug lord’s daughter to hang on to your ear? 
  • I don’t take bribes. 
  • Honey, you’re an alcoholic. 
  • Where can I get knives and blunts? 
  • You can’t control what goes on in the world. You can just choose to be a part of it everyday. 
  • Where I come from, it’s an honour to share your man. 
  • I’m gonna beat your ass like a pinata until candy falls out! 
  • You don’t love me.
  • You’re kinda growing on me. 
  • Dead people poop themselves. 
  • Where’s the money? 
  • It doesn’t make you a kept woman, it makes you a smart one. 
  • I’ll keep that in mind when I’m feeding my family dog food this winter. 
  • I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! 
  • Look at me. I can’t go to jail, I might as well wear heels. 
  • I’m gay. 
  • You just made my boy parts get bigger. 
  • Not to be a dick or anything, but you have been kind of a whore. 
  • Eat my ass!
  • Wanna see me make a mangina? 
  • You fucked my brother. 
  • Whores don’t get cars. 
  • I wouldn’t exactly call it an orgy, but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around. 
  • You wish you had a dick as big as mine! 
  • Are you gonna put those in my ass? 
  • If you do this for me, I will dress up any way you want. No safety word. 
  • I was raised by a pack of wolves. 
  • I certainly hope you’re not pooping in there. It’s a closet. 
  • Can I get you something? Milk? Soda? A joint? It’s medicinal. 
  • Like you in the sack, make it quick. 
  • Did you purposely order a Sex on the Beach so I’d say it to the gay bartender? 
  • No. No way. I can’t handle anything in my ass without alcohol. 
  • The beard gets me laid. 
  • I haven’t had a drink for two days. Well, granted, I was unconscious. 
  • You’re hot, but it’s been a while since I’ve been with a dude. 
  • He was warm, like the inner thighs of an overworked hooker. 
  • He may look like he’s in a boy band, but he’s got a point. 
  • Let’s be honest, she’s my last chance at happiness, and that’s more important than video games and masturbation, right? 
  • I am not a religious man, but every now and then, a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan. 
  • I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you. 
  • Keep laughing, or I will slit your throat in your sleep. 
  • Brush your teeth, I wanna play. 
  • Other than the presents and the booze, can you tell me three good reasons we should get married? 
  • Oh, don’t mind me. I accidentally took three of my pills instead of one. 
  • Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you.

«Taehyung is a young man running away from his village into the woods to escape certain death. The villagers have started accusing him of being a witch, and he knew oh too well what happened to witches in this village. He certainly didn’t want to end on the stake, not today sir.

But in his hurry to run away, he might have gotten lost.»

Welcome to ask-the-outcast, which is not,,actually an ask blog,, but i didn’t know what to name it sO BEAR WITH ME

The Outcast is going to be an interactive story in the form of comics. It will be from the point of view of Taehyung, and at the end of each comic you will have to choose from 2 or more choices what action he will do. Basically, you guys get to choose how the story continues !

(please don’t make him do dumb stuff he’s a naive child)

You can still ask normal questions about the story or the characters ofc, but they will be answered by me ♥ (sorry)

The first pages will be out soon, i hope you’ll enjoy it ♥

Pizza Girl || Ethan Dolan

SUMMARY - A new pizza place opens up in Southern California, instantly becoming the twin’s new favorite, meanwhile Ethan crushes on their new delivery girl.

WARNING - it’s fluff my dudes, rated G

WORD COUNT - 1,624 

AUTHOR’S NOTE - this is my dream. i aspire for this to happen to me irl.


The twins got kicked out of their last apartment for their second time in Los Angeles. They’ve just recently moved into their new place, which happens to be closer to Hollywood, where the area is constantly awake. In result, they’ve stumbled across a new pizza place that has gained popularity in their two months of business; Pizza Orgasmica. 

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Playing Dumb

Admin Marie

A/N: Sorry I have been so inactive lately! I have been drowning in school work. I should be more active again, sorry! Don’t forget to send in scenario requests!

Word Count: 1220

Genre: Angst 

Member: Suga (BTS)

Summary: You couldn’t play dumb for someone that didn’t love you anymore.

Originally posted by tahyns

You hated feeling the way you did. You weren’t even really sure how you felt, you just knew you hated it. You spent hours on end under the water streaming from your shower head, your knees tucked to your chest but no tears coming. How could you cry over something you weren’t sure was happening?

Deep down you knew, you knew he was with her right now, tucked away with her between the sheets. You wished for him to be home, you wished for him to be near you, to look at you like he used to, to kiss you like he used to. You didn’t look at him the same way though, so how could you expect him to?

You heard the front door open and you didn’t react, not wanting to see his face. The bathroom door creaked open and you stood up slowly, peeking out from behind the curtain. As you pull back the curtain, water droplets spatter against the wall and tiled floor.

“I’m back,” he says. You nod. “Jungkook made me stay at the dorm longer than expected to finish Mario Kart,” he says.

“I thought you were at the studio with Namjoon,” you reply blankly. He runs his fingers through his black hair. “N-namjoon brought me back to the dorm,” he says unsteadily.

“Whatever you say,” you reply. Under the collar of his white shirt, you see it. The only confirmation you need. A pink and red bruise, formed under the ridge his collarbone. You know it’s left by her, a token of her affection and her parting gift for him. “Looks sore,” you say bleakly, disappearing behind the curtain again. You finish in the shower, exiting it and drying off. You get into your pajamas and brush your hair and teeth and crawling into your bed. Yoongi is already there, snuggled under the blanket.

“Goodnight,” he says.

“How do you sleep at night?” You ask. His breath catches in his throat. “How can you sleep knowing that you’re sleeping next to someone you only stay with because you pity them? Someone that you lie to everyday?” You ask.

“Y-Y/N… I…” he trails off. You sit up.

“I… I can’t do this anymore, Yoongi. I can’t sit here and pretend I don’t know what you’re doing because I do, I’ve known for a long time. I am done playing dumb for the sake of this relationship,” you say, getting up and walking across the room. You slide a hoodie over your head and grab a bag.

“Y-Y/N… Don’t go. Please, don’t go,” he says, getting up and walking towards you.

“You love her, Yoongi. You love her, so what’s my purpose here?” You ask. “I don’t know why I’m here.” He’s at a loss for words. He opens and closes his mouth like there is something he wants to say but can’t get it out.

“I… I don’t love her. How could I?” he asks. You laugh at that statement.

“You spend most nights with her,” You point out. “Even if you don’t love her, you don’t love me either,” you say, zipping up your bag.

“You think I don’t love you?” He asks. You shrug.

“If you did, why would you be doing what you’re doing,” you ask, opening the bedroom door and walking down the hallway.

“Where are you going to stay?” He asks, trailing after you.

“If I tell you, you’re just going to follow me,” you reply. The truth is, you don’t even know. You wish you did, you wish you had somewhere to just go.

“You don’t have a place to go, do you?” He asks. You stay quiet, knowing lying to him will be useless. “Then let me leave, at least I have somewhere to go,” he says.

“I don’t want to be here. If you left, I would leave anyways so it would be meaningless for you to go,” You point out, tying your shoe at the same time.

“Y/N, let’s talk about this,” he says. You stand up and turn to look at him.

“We had lots of time to talk about everything. We would’ve had years, just to talk, but you made your decision and now I’m making mine. I respected yours even though I didn’t like it, so now you should respect mine, even if you don’t like it,” You say. He goes silent, not knowing what to say. You grab your purse off the table.

“Why are you being so monotone over this whole thing? Do you not care this is ending?” He asks you quietly, his voice sounding weak and empty, defeated. You turn to look at him, to really look at him. You scoff and shake your head.

“You used to know me, Min Yoongi. You used to understand me, you used to care about me, you used to love me. That person I knew and loved so much is gone, so no, I’m not sad this is ending because I don’t know who you are anymore,” you say honestly.

“Y/N, please. I can change, I can go back to being that person I used to be. We can fix this,” he pleads, reaching out for your hand. You take your hand away.

“Fix what? What would we be fixing, Yoongi? There isn’t anything to fix because this ended a long time ago. I don’t want to do this anymore,” you reply, refusing his pleads for you to listen. You pick your bag up and open the front door. His arm comes right beside your face and slams the door. He spins you around, causing you bag to fall from your grasp and hit the floor unceremoniously. He’s so close to you, you can feel his breath fanning across your face.

“Y/N, I can’t lose you, please. Please don’t go,” he says, a tear falling down his face.

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, taking his face in your shaking hands. “Why can’t you let me go, Yoongi?”

“Why are you letting me go so easily? Was it all a lie? Did you ever love me?” He asks, his whole body trembling.

“Of course I loved you! I’m just sick of sitting alone here while you’re out lying to me even though I fully know what you’re doing. I’m sorry, Yoongi,” you say, dropping your hands from his face.

“Please, please, don’t go,” he repeats, taking your face in his hands.

“I can’t stay,” you answer. “Go back to her, you want her more than me.” His face says a thousand things; things he wouldn’t even begin to know how to say.

“I don’t want her, Y/N. I want you, I always have,” he says, hugging you to his chest. You don’t hug him back, you stay exactly how you were.

“Stop,” you say, removing yourself from his embrace. “I don’t want to do this, I can’t. So just let me go.” You open the door, grabbing your purse and bag and walking out into the hallway of the apartment complex. Yoongi falls silent, watching your retreating back. Every step you take that sets both of you further apart hurts you, but not enough for you to turn around. It hurt a lot, but you couldn’t play dumb anymore, and you both knew that.

anonymous asked:

anti has more ear to hear yall talking shit better

“I can hear Wilford’s bullshit from a continent away.”

“Pfsh. Sounds about right.”

“And also the faint beat of your heart when you get delighted at that one war documental you enjoy so much, the soft sighs you let out when you realize its another awful day but at least we are here and we are fine.
The sound of your hands caressing the strings of your harp, how you gently fix your room in a certain order so you know where things are even though your eyes are starting to fail you.
The soft hums you make when you cook and even your faint snores all the way from your room.

I hear your humanity Dark.
I hear that you have it, it is just shy and subtle, all to disguise it in fake wolf skin.

So no matter how much people mock my hearing and new anatomy, i would never trade  it for my old one.”

“I’m not-”

“It is my only evidence that you are not a monster and even you cannot take that from me.
So don’t even try.” 

guitar center Josh

Originally posted by kellymccg

reader x josh: you take an interest in drums, so you go to the local music store to get lessons. but your hormones take more of an interest in your smoking hot instructor.

ps - i know absolutely nothing about drumming or how music lessons go, so forgive me any musicians out there >.< i specialize in smut ok 


“hi, my name is josh dun. i’ll be your drum instructor.” josh greets you with a friendly smile, shaking your hand. right away, you vaguely recognize him as the passionate drummer in “house of heroes” and your muscles go weak. you vividly remember him drumming his heart out, his passion outshining the other guys in the group and turning your insides to mush. 

“hey aren’t you the drummer in house of heroes?” you ask impulsively. you flush at the devilish little smirk he gives you, hoping he didn’t think you were a stalker. 

“you know our band? usually people don’t pay attention to drummers” he jokes. 

“yeah…i um, seen you playing at battle of the bands against that other group, uh…” the name slips your mind, but you remember the singer being equally as passionate and outshining the other group members. 

“twenty one pilots!! yeah, those guys are…amazing, especially tyler. that boy can rap, and his energy levels are just…” he trails off, switching gears in his brain “anyway, it says here we meet at 4 pm on tuesdays and thursdays for half an hour, so we better get started.” 

josh leads you to the drums set up in the back of the store. you realize that unsurprisingly on a rainy tuesday evening, the store is practically empty. when his back is turned, your eyes explore his entire frame from his dark curls and broad shoulders, down to his muscular forearms and ass when he bends over to grab the sticks. josh breaks the ice before your mind starts playing tricks on you, and you curse yourself for fantasizing at a time like this. 

“i’m just going to run through the different parts of the instrument real quick, this is the high hat, this is the bass drum, these are the cymbals…” he continues going through the parts, giving each a tap with the stick so you can hear how each one sounds. 

“ok, now i’ll just demonstrate a simple beat before having you jump right into it. then i’ll let you try it, and we can pick up from there.” he explains, and you nod in understanding, standing in front of him and paying attention. he slowly sets a drumming pattern, relatively simple compared to what you’ve seen him do. but he still gets into it, and you think ahh that’s easy, i can do that. 

“now your turn” he said, smiling kindly and standing from the seat. you take the seat, he hands you the sticks, and suddenly you become aware that you have no idea what to do. you don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of a drummer, nonetheless one you have a crush on. 

“it’s alright, i don’t expect you to get it on the first try. we all gotta start somewhere. just test it out so we can see where you’re at” he said, sensing your hesitation. you nod your head, taking a deep breath before straightening your back and raising your sticks. little do you know, josh isn’t thinking about what a dumb newbie you are. he’s thinking about how he can get you more relaxed, because he’s incredibly interested. he thinks about asking you to come to his show, buying you a drink, and getting to know you better. you perform an uncoordinated replication of his beat, obviously overthinking it. you feel like he’s judging your lack of skill, but his eyes are glossing over all your physical features. he’s biting his bottom lip imagining all the possible scenarios. but he’s broken out of his spell when you slam your sticks down in frustration. 

“i’m a total idiot. i can’t do two different things at once, i’ll never get this” you sigh, completely disappointed in yourself. you actually start tearing up and try to look away because you don’t want him to see you being emotionally vulnerable. 

to your surprise, he comes around behind you and starts rubbing up and down your arms. you feel like you should be alarmed, but it actually relaxes you. so much that your eyes almost rolled back from the feeling of euphoria. you actually suppress a moan when you imagine how easy it’d be for him to simply cup your breasts from this position. oh my god, his hands are fucking magic you think to yourself. 

“shhh, shh you are definitely not an idiot. i had the same problems at first. really, it just takes getting used to, but i need you to trust me and not think i’m judging you. i really want you to learn, okay?” he reassures. he internally celebrates that you’re holding still and letting him touch you. 

“okay” you say, nodding your head and letting out a shaky breath. 

“so, you trust me?”


“good, pick up your sticks and lets see if we can get the pattern.” he instructs. once you’re holding the sticks, he leans over you and holds your hands with the sticks. 

“sorry, this is the best way i could think of” he said in an unmistakably sultry voice. he was even surprised at himself for this move. 

“mmm” you respond, totally unable to concentrate with the feel of him pressed up against your back and holding your hands. you try not to shake, but he has you literally trembling with how submissive you felt at that moment. you couldn’t help but imagine him taking you from behind, and it would be easy with how wet you were. he begins to guide you like this, but you’re no longer suppressing your desires. 

“oh my god, josh” you breathe, rocking back in your seat and pressing against him. he lets go of your hands and you drop your sticks, turning around in your seat. he takes your face in his hands and presses his lips to yours and you can feel the lust in his kiss. you’re aware of how he’s standing between your legs, and you happened to be wearing a black leather mini skirt that day. lucky you remembered to wear panties so he didn’t think you had planned this. you moan into his kiss, hands stroking down his sides and to his hips. you tug at the waistband of his jeans and he grunts, pulling away to undo his jeans. the kindness in his eyes was replaced with this dark, brooding stare. he leaves his jeans unfastened and lifts you up from your seat, and you instinctively wrap your arms and legs around him. he carries you back to the storage room. 

“i wanted to fuck you as soon as i laid eyes on you” josh admitted as he pushed you against the wall. you allowed yourself to be pinned and ravaged by his hands all over your body. he groped your tits before pulling your shirt up and burying his face in your cleavage. you lifted your arms so he could pull it off, then fumbled with your bra strap. you chuckled a little at his frustration and reached behind yourself to unclasp it, and he practically ripped it off you. he didn’t hesitate to dip his head down, licking your nipple and sucking it in his mouth almost painfully hard. you moan, running both your hands through his curls and grinding yourself against his knee between your legs. 

“mmm you like that, huh” he growled, that coy smirk returning to his face. you knew it was more of a statement than a question. 

“yes, more please” you whimper, panting from how he’s still groping your tits. almost as a reward, he helps you rub against his knee and you grip his biceps for support. 

“would you like me to eat your pussy?” he murmurs in your ear before leaving love-bites on your neck, holding the skin between his perfect teeth. you swear that was the most beautiful words you ever heard come from anyone’s mouth and give the sluttiest moan imaginable. that pretty much gave him the answer. 

“uuhhhh god josh, please” you beg, squeezing his biceps harder when his teeth clamp down. you feel your heart racing and all the blood rushing between your legs. he gently licks over the teeth marks in your skin and you soften up on your grip, allowing him to pepper quick little kisses down your stomach until he’s kneeling below you. 

“let’s see how wet you are for me” he said, pushing your tight skirt up your thighs to your waist. he was met with lacy red panties. 

“sexy” he complimented, bringing his fingers up to trace along the top. you shudder from his breath fanning against your bare thighs and instinctively spread your legs wider, giving him permission. 

“well what’s this?” josh smirked, fingers tracing from your clit down to a wet spot that soaked through. he put pressure there, massaging little circles until you were crying out and bucking your hips. 

“fuck, josh fuck fuck” you whisper, panting and unable to form any words from how aroused you are.  

“i’m getting to it. i love you moaning my name like that, baby” he chuckled deeply, hooking his fingers into your panties and pulling them down. he’s purposefully taking his time to tease you and knows you’re in too vulnerable of a state to do anything about it. you step out of your panties when he gets them to your feet and he tosses them aside. you feel exposed to the cool air, and he took a moment to look you over. his first instinct is to place sloppy, wet kisses towards your inner thighs to torment you until you’re shaking and spreading your legs even wider. he lifted one of your legs to place over his back and slide his ring and middle fingers inside you. you gasp, the sudden intrusion giving you instant relief and something clamp around. he pumped them a few times before spreading you open with his thumb. he licked from where his fingers were inside you to your swollen clitoris and honed in on it. 

“damn baby, you taste so sweet. and you’re so pink. i could eat your delicious pussy for hours” josh moaned, pulling out his fingers and sucking off your juices. you watch him with your mouth agape and your head rolled back against the wall as he slid them back in you. he sucked your inner labia before flicking his tongue directly over your clit, causing you to twitch involuntarily. that familiar feeling began pooling in your lower stomach as he relentlessly lapped at your clit.

“josh, you’re gonna make me cum” you moaned breathlessly, gyrating against his tongue. 

“fuck, that’s so hot baby. cum all over my tongue” he talked with his mouth to your pussy so you could feel his breaths. his tongue slid into your hole with his fingers and that sent you over the edge, contracting violently around them. he wiggled his fingers inside you, pressing his lips to your clit to suck gently, which intensified your orgasm. it’s so good, you doubled over and he caught you while standing back up. he wrapped his hand around your throat and kissed you, full of tongue so you could taste yourself in his mouth. 

“good girl” he praised while shifting his pants and briefs off his hips to free his throbbing erection. he lifted you up again, backing you to the wall as he guided his cock to your sloppy entrance. you braced yourself, wrapping your arms around his neck as he slowly entered you. your eyes rolled back as he slid deeper, stretching you out until he was pushed all the way to the hilt. you drop your head back, exposing your throat, which he licked and kissed immediately. as you adjusted around his girth, you realize josh’s cock is the biggest you’ve had. when he began humping you, your body became engulfed in flames and your mind shut off.

“fuck me josh, yes, please, harder!” you scream as he bounced you on his cock. you held on to him for dear life, squeezing your legs around his waist to pull him deeper. he was panting against your neck, making these guttural sounds that let you know he was feeling it just as much as you were. 

“damn baby girl, your pussy grips my dick like no other” he whispered, pounding into you to punctuate it. you whined and bit down on his shoulder, digging your heels into his ass. 

“i’m slipping” you whimpered, still grinding your dripping pussy on his cock. 

“i got you, baby. here” he said, pulling you away from the wall and easing you down on the floor. he never pulled out of you, and as soon as he laid you on your back, he was able to fuck you more freely without the restrictions of gravity. your hands clawed at his shirt, trying to pull it off. he supported himself on one arm, pulling his shirt over his head and sitting back on his knees. he wrapped his arms around your thighs as leverage to yank you to him, forcing a strangled sound from your throat at how swiftly he entered you. he resumed his thrusting, watching how you were writhing and arching your back each time he entered you. from the angle, he was hitting all the right spots in you and you were able to drool over his hot chest and abs while he fucked you. that’s when it hit you that your hot drum instructor was owning you right there on the floor and you moaned. 

“h-harder, fuck me harder, josh” you pleaded, and josh grinned at the opportunity to make you beg. 

“oh, you want it rough? how bad you want it, slutty princess?” he asked. 

“so bad, josh, please just give it to me” you begged, bucking your hips the best you could. he held onto your thighs tighter, pinning you down. 

“that’s right. i’m the only one that can give it to you like this, remember that” josh said, pulling back until he was barely inside you before slamming into you. it forced another scream from your throat and you cried for him to keep going, voice already hoarse. 

“you’re the only one” you repeated, bringing your fingers down to rub your clit as you felt your climax approaching. you paid attention to the obscene sounds of his skin slapping against yours and his sexy little grunts. before you know it, another orgasm is rushing through your body and you’re twisting in pleasure with high, needy moans pouring from your mouth. 

“fuck, that’s so sexy” josh huffed, watching you fall apart for him yet again, “where do you want me to cum?” he asked. 

“cum inside me, josh. i want you to fill me up” you answered, and he raised an eyebrow. 

“don’t worry, i’m on birth control” you said, smiling at him and licking your lips. he nodded his head and sped his hips up, thrusting with vigor and purpose. 

“you want it in you, damn, i’m gonna give it to you baby” he said, letting go of your thighs and moving to rest his body back on top of you. a moment later his hips slowed considerably and he was cumming inside you with moans of your name on his lips. you hugged his body tighter to you, running your hands over his back as he pumped you slowly through his own slickness. he remained on top of you, softly kissing your lips and neck until both your breathing went back to normal and his dick softened. 

“oh my god” you said, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“yeah” josh said, laughing. the kindness returned to his eyes and he seemed exactly like how you first met him. only difference was now, he was finally pulling out of you and wiping his cum off your lower lips with your own panties. 

“umm…we’ll just hide these back here. so, see you thursday?” josh said, winking. you laughed as you were putting your clothes back on. 

“it’s a date” you said, kissing him on the lips before heading out of the back of the store. 


also here’s this interview of josh talking about drums 😍

killuaislovekilluaislife  asked:

17. “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…” and obviously snowbaz

this has been a long time coming lol. idk when she sent this, but i finally wrote the fic.

april 15 @snowbaz-feda

word count: 539

“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”


“Well, what do we do?”

“Nothing, Snow. So, the elevator broke. So, we’re stuck in here together for god knows how long. All I ask is that you shut up and let this pass in silence.” Baz slides down the wall into a seated position, clutching his knees to his chest.


“Psht.” He holds up two fingers pressed together, shushing me. “I meant it.”

“So what do y—”


I try a few more times to say something, but Baz is persistent in shushing and ignoring me. He rests his head on his legs, staring blankly into the distance. I don’t know what to do with myself and end up sort of…staring at him.

“What do you want?” He snaps, turning to glare at me.

“I don’t—I’m not—that wasn’t—”

“Spit it out, Snow. I don’t have all day.”

“You kind of do, actually.” It’s something I’d say to Penny. A quick, friendly jab, but I’m never fast enough (or friendly enough) with Baz to get it out. “Where would you go?”

“Funny, Snow. Just stop staring at me.”

I’m never the one antagonising. That’s always Baz. But he’s getting on my nerves, and who knows how long we’ll be trapped in this metal can of death. So I ask him questions. Banal, unimportant questions. Some of them things I already know. Some of them dumb shit about how he likes his toast, or why he puts his left sock on. He grunts in answer half the time, glaring at me occasionally, or snapping at me to shut up. I do not. For once, talking to Baz is easy. Maybe because I’m in control here, or because it doesn’t matter to me when we get out, as long as it’s today.

“What’s your favorite ice cream?”

“What’s it to you?” He’s been responding in monotonal questions for the last seven questions.

“Chocolate? Strawberry? Cherry? Vanilla?”

“Would you shut up?”

“None of those, then. What about rocky road? Mint chocolate chip?”

Baz sighs. “Yeah.”

“Mint chocolate chip? Really? I always thought you were more of a death-by-chocolate kind of person.”

“Is that all, Snow?” It seems as though Baz has melted. He’s hunched on the floor, trying desperately not to give me any recognition.

“Do you have a crush on anyone?”

“Are we in fifth year again? You gonna truth or dare me?”

“So that’s a yes, then.”

“I never said that.”

“You protested. If fifth year taught me anything, it was that misdirection means yes.”

“I bet that’s all fifth year taught you,” he grumbles, lifting his head to drop it against the wall behind him.

“So your crush. Is she in our year?”

He groans. “Why are you like this?”

“I’m bored. She’s in our year, then. Hm…Dark hair or light?”

Baz closes his eyes, massages the bridge of his nose.

“Bad identifier, okay. It’s not Agatha, is it?”

He scoffs. “She’s all yours, Snow.” His eyes are still closed.

“You know she’s not, Baz.”

“What do I care.”

“Who is it, then?”

He brushes some hairs from his face, mumbling something.


Baz opens his mouth and the elevator starts to move. “Nevermind.”


Originally posted by qt-taehyungssi

“Laying in bed, Taehyung’s mind skimmed over the events from today, always pausing to think about the extremely pretty girl who was staring at him earlier. He was determined to find out who she was, she wasn’t getting away so easily.”

Genre: Fluff | Angst
Members: Taehyung x Reader
Word count: 1528

Masterlist | Next

Keep reading

It Had To Be Done

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,395

Summary: Dean gets jealous when he finds out the reader has a date and he tries to tag along.

Lotion? Check.

Shaved? Check.

Makeup? Check.

Nails painted? Check.

Freaking the fuck out? Check.

Tonight you have a date. It’s not just a date, it’s a huge decision. It will either make or break your fucking world. Maybe that sounds a little dramatic but it’s true. It will completely alter your life and you’re praying it will be the outcome you want.

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Alla Prima- Chapter 4

Prologue   Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3


The name echoed in whispers in his mind, vibrating in his head. Such a simple name, really. Short, one syllable, clipped. Really, truly just a name. No, it was the woman it belonged to that made it special. That made Jamie want to elongate the name, taste every letter.



It was his own personal poem, musical and song-like. A lullaby that dreamily drifted through his ears, lulling him into calmness.

And why should he feel so strongly about this woman? A woman he just met. A practical stranger.

He knew why, of course. No, it wasn’t just her beauty, though that didn’t hurt his impression of her. She was smart. Professor smart. Biology professor smart. And effortlessly funny. And kind. But, most of all, she was transparent. He felt as if he knew her in one conversation; her eyes stained glass windows into her mechanical mind, her face twisted with every emotion she felt.

He was infatuated with her: her voice, her eyes, her smile, her mind…

He tested her name out again, speaking to the darkness of early morning:



“Jamie? Jamie!” He shook himself from his thoughts, the large dining room coming into focus. His sister was speaking to him.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“What’s going on with ye, Jamie? Yer mind is somewhere else.” Jenny’s eyebrows were drawn in concern. Yes, his mind was elsewhere, but he wasn’t prepared to tell his family exactly where.

“Oh, aye. I’m just…tired. I was up late last night.” Jamie glanced around the table at his family.Sunday dinner at Jenny’s, a tradition that they had started when their father died. The family had grown since then, though. Jenny married Ian, Willie married Nora. Both couples had spawned 2 children each, and Jenny was round with another.

“Ye need to get more sleep, Sawny. Yer not sleeping enough,” Willie interjected.

“Sawny…Sawnyyyyyy…” Willie’s youngest, Elinor, sang sleepily, and dropped her head on her father’s shoulder.

“Aye, I ken. Just, ye never know when ye’ll be inspired.”

“I dinna understand it a bit,” Willie admitted, taking a large bite of pasta. “But I’ll always support ye. However. Ye need to be healthy.”

“I’ll work on it.” Willie placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder, squeezing slightly, before turning his full attention to the meal in front of him. A bottomless pit, that man was.

“Anyway, Jamie,” Jenny interjected. “I was asking what yer working on now?” With a little bit of natural artistic talent, but never taking it further than that, Jenny was always interested in Jamie’s ‘next big project.’

“Ach, just small canvases. Nothing special, really.” Very special, actually, but Jamie didn’t want to tell them about Claire.

“Nothing special? Ye just said yer getting inspired in the middle of the night!” Jenny laughed, blue eyes crinkling.

“Weel, I’ve just been painting…pretty things. Flowers and such. Nothing too…inspired. Just, when it’s in my heid, I have to do it, ken?”

“Nay, but I’ll pretend I do.” Jenny wasn’t convinced, and Jamie knew it. The way her eyes narrowed, and lips pursed; that was her concentration face. He would be asked about it when they were alone. He should definitely leave before there was a chance of that. “How’s the meal, loves?”

“Fantastic as always, sis,” Willie mumbled through a mouthful.

“Chew wif yer mouf closed, Da,” Elinor woke up long enough to say.

“Aye, Peach. Thank ye.”


It was unusual for Jamie to go to the park after Sunday dinner, but there he was. It wasn’t a conscious decision; his body was heading in that direction before his mind could catch up.

He saw Claire from a distance, her dark mane hard to ignore. Instead of sitting on her usually bench, she was pacing the path, stretching her arms above her head.

Suddenly, she doubled over, grabbing her foot.


“Fuck!” Claire whined, examining her toe. Just a scrape, nothing life-threatening. But, a stubbed toe never felt too good.

“Watch her mouth. There are children present.” She jumped, unaware she had company. She turned to face her companion, a man with the sunset in his hair and a smirk on his lips.

“Jamie! You frightened me!” He blushed.

“I’m sorry, I dinna mean to.” He looked positively abashed with his pink cheeks and downcast eyes.

“No! It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you. How are you?”

“Good, good. Just had dinner. Are ye alright?” He motioned to her foot, which she was still holding onto.

“Oh, yes. A stubbed toe.” She winked. “I think I’ll survive.”

“Good to hear, Sassenach.” Sassenach? What does that mean. She was about to ask, but he cut off her thoughts. “So…um…can I ask ye something?”

“You just did.” A dumb joke, she knew, but she wanted to see him smile again.

It worked.

“Aye. Another thing, then.”

“Of course.”

“Do ye… Could I, maybe, get yer phone number?” Whatever she was expecting…that was not it. She was undoubtedly pleased.

“Oh. Um. Yes, let me see your phone.”

“Let me see yers as well.” They swapped phones, typing numbers furiously.

“You can text me anytime, Jamie.”

“Aye, I will. I mean, yes. Sure.” Flustered. He was flustered, and it warmed Claire to know she had such an effect.

“I better be off. Got to be up early tomorrow. But… I’ll speak with you soon?”

“Ye will.”


Jamie woke with a start, the shrill ringing of his cell phone hitting his sensitive ears. What time was it?

2:54 a.m. the clock told him.

He glanced over at his phone on the nightstand. And thrill ran through him. Underneath the bold name “Claire Beauchamp,” was a picture of her, taken not 12 hours ago. He didn’t realize she had put a photo in her contact information. He didn’t realize she took a picture at all.

But, even more surprising, why was she calling him? He wasn’t angry or annoyed, quite the opposite really. It was just…a shock.

Steeling himself, he pressed the little green button in the corner.


(Not so) Public Displays of Affection

Relationship: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen

Summary: Jonas would like to be grossed out at how in love they are, but he can’t. Isak spends the rest of the night curled around Even’s chest, still animatedly debating with Magnus over some stupid topic while playing with Even’s hands. Or his hoodie string. Or his sleeve. Anything he can get his hands on, really. Or five times Isak was comfortable with PDA around his friends, and the one time he was comfortable with it in public

(Read on AO3)

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Once upon a time, I worked at a theme park that’s easy to identify because of it’s multiple flags.
I was 16 and it was my first “real job” so I was excited, and my coworkers were pretty great….except for this one asshole supervisor but that’s not the story I’m gonna tell you.

So part of my job, is that if someone is lost we are supposed to help them. It’s suggested that we ask the guest to show us their map and then we can show them the way they want to go.

So one day I’m coming back from lunch and this guy comes up to me and he’s got like 12 kids trailing behind him. “How do I get out of here?” . No “excuse me” or “please” he just barks at me like a slave. Not uncommon. I ask to see his map and when he hands it over I lay it flat so he can see what I’m talking about. I point to where we are and dragging my finger along the path. I say “you’ll want to go past the carousel and towards the big fountain. At the fountain turn right and go back up to the gate. You’ll notice that those are entrance gates only so if you follow them along to the left you’ll find the exit. And if you want to double check that you are going the correct way you can always ask someone in a yellow shirt or a security guard, okay?”

There’s silence for a split second.
This “man” then flips his shit and starts yelling and swearing at me. Apparently I’m a dumb bitch just fucking with his head, how dare I not really help him when his children are starving and trying to get to the car for lunch. Meanwhile his kids ranging from like 4 to 16 are LAUGHING while I’m being cussed out by dear old dad (except for one kid. I hope good things happen for that kid). One of my older co workers saw me being yelled at and got a security guard to show him the way out.

My supervisors wouldn’t even let me take 5 to just cry because I had just been on lunch… I was a goddamn kid! -_-

anonymous asked:

Hello! Could you come up with prompts about a character entering their house from getting groceries?

1) The door was unlocked. The door should not have been unlocked. They shifted their shopping bag in their hands, wondering how well they could clobber an intruder with a can of baked beans.

2) The smell of baking drifted through the kitchen. They stood in the doorway for a moment, just drinking in the familiar form covered in spun sugar and frosting. The form whipped around. Urgent, desperate. “Did you get the maraschino cherries like I asked?”

3) They’d forgotten their keys. They couldn’t believe they’d forgotten their keys - again!

4) “Hey, you need a hand with those?” The voice instantly struck them dumb, stomach fluttering. Confident fingers caught a precariously close to tearing shopping bag and eased the plums from their aching fingers. “You looked like you were about to go down. You’re my new neighbour right? I’m flat 19.”
They weren’t quite sure if they had been rescued or tornadoed.

5) They’d barely taken three steps into the house before the satsumas went flying. “Nice disguise, wouldn’t have taken you for the domestic sort. Not good enough.”

anonymous asked:

shit do you even know what a LAN party is? ignorant

shit, do you even know what a LAN party is? 

lmaoo just beacuse LAN parties are typically PC, doesn’t mean console LAN’s don’t exist? LAN literally stands for local area network, you think you can’t join more than one console to one LA network? How do you think competitive Halo players compete? 

I went to my first BYOC event when I was 14. “ignorant.