how do you like my new dog

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 2

We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)

  1. “Where is my fucking pudding?!”
  2. “I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
  3. “Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
  4. “Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
  5. “Oops…”
  6. “God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
  7. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
  8. “Look, about the monkey…”
  9. “I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
  10. “It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
  11. “well this is what i call hell of a night”
  12. “How could an entire school disappear?”
  13. “What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
  14. "Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
  15. “Don’t turn that on!”
  16. “Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
  17. “I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
  18. "Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
  19. “Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
  20. “You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
  21. “That cat just stole my cereal!”
  22. “Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
  23. “Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
  24. “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
  25. “If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
  26. “What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
  27. “Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
  28. “Why did I just press the big red button?”
  29. “So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
  30. “Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
  31. “God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
  32. “Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
  33. “You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
  34. “Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
  35. “I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
  36. “Hold me back bro!”
  37. “I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
  38. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  39. “Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
  40. “I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
  41. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
  42. “Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
  43. “Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
  44. “When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
  45. “Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
  46. “This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
  47. Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
  48. ” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
  49. "For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
  50. “One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
  51. “This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
  52. “Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
  53. “Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
  54. “You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
  55. “No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
  56. “did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
  57. “For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
  58. "That isn’t permanent, right?”
  59. “You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
  60. “She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
  61. “But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
  62. “You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
  63. “The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
  64. “Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
  65. “Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
  66. “How did you get that bump on your lip”
  67. “Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
  68. “ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
  69. "Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
  70. “Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
  71. “They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
  72. “You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
  73. “Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
  74. “So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
  75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
  76. “Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
  77. “Did you explode the microwave again?!”
  78. "Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
  79. “Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
  80. “I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
  81. "What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
  82. “Who actually let the dogs out?”
  83. “Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
  84. “I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
  85. “So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
  86. “I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
  87. "Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
  88. “So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
  89. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
  90. “What are you doing?”
  91. “But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
  92. “You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
  93. “I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
  94. “Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
  95. “I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!" 
  96. "What the hell are those?”
  97. “Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
  98. “I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
  99. “Why didn’t you stop?”
  100. “So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”

Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”. I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje! 

Magnus Burnsides keeps dogs for all of his adult life. He loves them, of course, and they love him, but the thing about all dogs is that, no matter what, they live significantly shorter lives than humans do. He develops a reputation for taking in very elderly pooches who are unwanted, and each time one of them passes away, he completes a little ritual that he’s developed over the years. First, he sends for a friend, a fellow he’s come to see over the years as a brother-in-law. The dogs are often scared of him at first, but his is a comforting presence, and they always warm up to him. While Death and the dogs are making friends, Magnus writes letters. The dogs follow his friend on a last long walk, one that moves right from this plane and on into the next. They stop at the porch of a little sturdy cottage, and the occupant opens the door. After she makes small talk, welcomes the new charges, and sits for a cup of tea, she reads Magus’s letters. He always starts them with something like this: “here’s a buddy of mine who wants to keep you company. He’s a very good boy.” And he always signs the letters: “see you sooner.”

how to get motivated
  • write out a list of what you need to do and when they need to be done by
  • prioritize. do the most important stuff, the stuff that’ll take the longest, and the stuff that needs to be soonest first
  • put on some good music for things like cleaning, organizing, and chores
  • if you have to do stuff for school like study or write a paper, prioritize that. 
  • but remember your health and well being comes before your education. 
  • if you have stuff you know you need to do, take a rain check for going out with friends. you can go out another time.
  • know why you need to do something. ex: i need to study so that i can do well in my class to get into a good college. i need to clean my room so that the space is calmer. i need to do the dishes because i need to to eat. i need to get up and go to class so that i can get the most out of my education. i promise, there is a positive in everything.
  • remember to eat. remember to drink water. remember to sleep.
  • be grateful for the things you need to do. ex: i’m grateful i have school to study for. i am grateful that i have a room to clean. i am grateful i have food to eat off of these dishes. i am grateful for having an 8am class because getting an education is an amazing opportunity.
  • when making a to-do list for the day/week, put in things for yourself like play with my dog, watch that new harry styles interview, get a starbucks, take a deep breath, drink water.
  • set time goals. if you don’t want to do something or you keep getting distracted, set timers. for example, if you have a chapter you need to read but it’s super boring, set a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can do in that time. set a goal like “if i can read 5 pages in 10 minutes, i’ll go make my favorite tea”. challenging yourself will get you and keep yourself motivated.
  • know that it’s okay to take breaks. you need them. but keep them under 30 minutes so you don’t get sucked in. (here’s a list of study breaks for every situation)
  • don’t give up; everything is temporary. having trouble understanding your calculus homework? that’s fine. you’re not the only one. take a 5 minute break, stretch a bit, maybe grab a snack, then approach things differently. ask a friend for help, set up a tutoring session, watch youtube videos explaining the content in a different way.
  • remember that you can do anything that you put your mind to. you got this.
101 Writing Prompts

1. “I didn’t know you two were related.” “We didn’t either.”

2. “I’m not saying I’m gay, but I would be if they were asking.”

3. “I’ve tried my hardest to fall for you, but it’ll always be them.”

4. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

5. “I didn’t even want to come to this party. You lied to me about the pinata.”

6. “Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in.”

7. “I have to go in there with you? I didn’t sign up to play 7 minutes in hell .”

8. “That’s not how you pronounce my name and I’m not even sure you tried.”

9. “Are you new here?” “We’ve been in the same math class for six years.”

10. “You really shouldn’t touch that… I told you.”

11. “I recognise you. Do you have a dog.”

12. “ You’ve never seen Harry Potter?

13. “Can’t we just lay here for a minute?”

14. “We have to stop running into each other like this.”

15. “Is it weird if I say that your dad’s really hot?”

16. “I know it’s 2am but can we meet up?”

17. “I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together but I know I’m mad about it.”

18. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell anybody!”

19. “I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories.”

20. “They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am.”

21. “I’ve waited so long for this moment, but now it’s here I don’t know how to feel.”

22. “You can’t just say that and then disappear!”

23. “I always hear my neighbour playing this beautiful music, but I’ve never actually met them.”

24. “Would it be alright if I pet your dog?”

25. “I’m so sorry to bother you this late but an owl got in my house and I have no idea how to get it out.”

26. “We can’t call the police! They’ll never believe us!”

27. “Why are you buying plane tickets? Are you leaving?”

28. “I swear I’ve seen them before in a dream.”

29. “I don’t want to be your partner either but we have to get this assignment done.”

30. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

31. “It’s your fault, and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

32. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

33. “I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

34. “Can you at least promise me that?” “I don’t think I can, not this time.”

35. “I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

36. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard to you want me to hit you?”

37. “I’d be scared if I were you.”

38. “You can’t go in there alone .”

39. “This seems like a lot of effort to go to for a mediocre joke.”

40. “Delete that picture right now or Mr.Snuggles gets it!”

41. “You didn’t go through my photos did you?!”

42. “Uhhh, I went through your photos and I have some questions.”

43. “I swear to god, if you tag me in one more bad meme I’ll make you regret it.”

44. “I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more.”

45. “You have individual ringtones for everyone? What’s mine?”

46. “ Why wouldn’t you lock the door?

47. “Did you know kissing burns calories?” “I’m happy with my weight, thanks.”

48. “Your bad pickup lines aren’t cute, they’re just bad.”

49. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.”

50. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for trick-or-treating.”

51. “We’re dressing up for Halloween this year and that’s final.”

52. “I forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.” “I didn’t.”

53. “Fuck you.” “Not with that attitude.”

54. “90% of people admit to having at least a slight bondage kink, and 10% are lying about it.”

55. “I don’t understand why you won’t just use a map on your phone.”

56. “You know my house has a door? You don’t always have to use the window.”

57. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.”

58. “You know, I was joking in that birthday card when I said I’d help you hide a body.”

59. “Can we please turn off this song.” “But it’s a masterpiece .”

60. “I’ve known you for two years and I think I’ve been saying your name wrong the whole time.”

61. “Wow, you really are blind!” “Thanks for the update, can I have my glasses back now?”

62. “It might be petty but you borrowed my pencil three weeks ago and I’m gonna need it back.”

63. “I think they have a crush on you, which sucks because I’m kinda into them.”

64. “Just go and talk to them, they dont bite!” “What if biting turns me on? If they dont do it then what’s the point?”

65. “You can’t say that in front of children!”

67. “Seven years old is practically an adult.”

68. “Dude I ordered this on eBay and you have to see what they sent me.”

69. “I didn’t realise it meant so much to you.”

70. “I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

71. “My friend thinks you’re cute, personally I don’t get it but this isn’t about me right now.”

72. “Not everything is about you!” “Untrue.”

73. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

74. “This is why I hate family dinners! It always gets awkward.”

75. “This can only end two ways and neither of them are pretty.”

76. “Not everything can be butterflies and rainbows! Things get hard sometimes, that’s just how it is!”

77. “My mom told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers, and you’re definitely strange.”

78. “I can’t believe you fell asleep when I was showing you my favourite movie of all time.”

79. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

80. “I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didnt have to leave.”

81. “Everything’s changing and I hate it! I liked the way things were.”

82. “You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d probably tear it off.”

83. “Do you think they noticed that we left?”

84. “The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try.”

85. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I’m only asking because it hurt when I did and I thought I might have done it wrong.”

86. “That was super cheesy and I’m lactose intolerant.”

87. “You didn’t tell me you were gay!” “You didn’t tell me you weren’t.”

88. “Your friend told me you had a crush on me, I just wanted to let you know your friend is a snake.”

89. “Are you staring at me or are you staring past me?”

90. “If you we’re a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl.”

91. “Sounds stupid. When are we doing it?”

92. “Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just incase they get suspicious?”

93. “This is the part in the movie where we kiss or one of us dies. My fingers are crossed for option one.” “Speak for yourself.”

94. “I’m offended that you don’t have more faith in me but, honestly, it’s understandable given past experience.”

95. “Its just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die.”

96. “I would light myself on fire to keep you warm and you wouldn’t even hand me a coat if I were freezing.”

97. “I trusted you, and so I guess I should have seen this coming.”

98. “I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

99. “Okay, but this is the last time I bail you out!”

100. “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

101. “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Title: So Married

Rating: G

Word Count: 987

Summary: “Um, excuse me, Phil? You basically just outed us.” 

“Well, you outed the…dog calendar.”

Read on ao3

(huge huge thanks to the lovely @phanarchy for the idea!!)

Keep reading

First Interaction Starters
  • "Can I buy you a drink?"
  • "I've heard a lot about you"
  • "Welcome to _____ "
  • "Can I take your order?"
  • " _____, you're under arrest"
  • "Looks like we're room-mates"
  • "IT Support, how can I help you?"
  • "Do you know the bride or the groom?"
  • "Hi, I just moved in next-door"
  • "Excuse me, is this your dog?"
  • "Help, please! Somebody help me!"
  • "I guess I'm your new partner"
  • "Oh my god! Are you okay?"

- how to get motivated -

• write out a list of what you need to do and when they need to be done by
• prioritize. do the most important stuff, the stuff that’ll take the longest, and the stuff that needs to be soonest first
• put on some good music for things like cleaning, organizing, and chores
• if you have to do stuff for school like study or write a paper, prioritize that.
• but remember your health and well being comes before your education.
• if you have stuff you know you need to do, take a rain check for going out with friends. you can go out another time.
• know why you need to do something. ex: i need to study so that i can do well in my class to get into a good college. i need to clean my room so that the space is calmer. i need to do the dishes because i need to to eat. i need to get up and go to class so that i can get the most out of my education. i promise, there is a positive in everything.
• remember to eat. remember to drink water. remember to sleep.
• be grateful for the things you need to do. ex: i’m grateful i have school to study for. i am grateful that i have a room to clean. i am grateful i have food to eat off of these dishes. i am grateful for having an 8am class because getting an education is an amazing opportunity.
• when making a to-do list for the day/week, put in things for yourself like play with my dog, watch that new harry styles interview, get a starbucks, take a deep breath, drink water.
set time goals. if you don’t want to do something or you keep getting distracted, set timers. for example, if you have a chapter you need to read but it’s super boring, set a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can do in that time. set a goal like “if i can read 5 pages in 10 minutes, i’ll go make my favorite tea”. challenging yourself will get you and keep yourself motivated.
• know that it’s okay to take breaks. you need them. but keep them under 30 minutes so you don’t get sucked in. (here’s a list of study breaks for every situation)
• don’t give up; everything is temporary. having trouble understanding your calculus homework? that’s fine. you’re not the only one. take a 5 minute break, stretch a bit, maybe grab a snack, then approach things differently. ask a friend for help, set up a tutoring session, watch youtube videos explaining the content in a different way.
remember that you can do anything that you put your mind to. you got this.

(not my photo)
Prompts!
  1. “You’re really soft.”
  2. "You smell nice.”
  3. “You’re cute when you’re worried”
  4. “I think i’m in love with you, and that terrifies me.”
  5. “I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
  6. "I’m here for my daily fix of hugs and kisses.”
  7. "Is it possible to love too much?”
  8. “You’re the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head.”
  9. "I don’t wanna get up– you’re comfy.”
  10. “I’m so in love with her/him, I don’t know what do do.”
  11. "I will always be there protect you.”
  12. "I’m cold. Come closer.”
  13. “You have something in your hair, umm… Do you want me to get it out?”
  14. "I love you a lot, but please stop trying to cook me dinner, you suck.”
  15. "I’ve never seen such gorgeous eyes before.”
  16. "I can’t stop thinking about you.”
  17. “You’re really hot, shame about the personality”
  18. "All I want is you.”
  19. “This movie is really scary, but you’re into it so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but- WHAT IS THAT?”
  20. “You came to my room at 4am, to cuddle?”
  21. "I could never leave you, I love you too much!”
  22. "A fairytale with a happy ending always brings a smile to my face.”
  23. "I don’t think anyone could ever be as lovely as you.”
  24. “You look really cute in that sweater.”
  25. "You look incredible in that.”
  26. “Is that my shirt?”
  27. “You’re so clingy, i love it.”
  28. “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”
  29. “Do you ever shut the fuck up?”
  30. "He/She’s quite stunning, isn’t he/she?”
  31. “Are you sugar personified or something?”
  32. “I look forward to holding you close in bed soon.”
  33. "Sometimes I just can’t control myself when around you.”
  34. "Do you believe in love at first sight?”
  35. "I think I’m in love.”
  36. "I’d like it if you stayed.”
  37. “You made these cupcakes for me?”
  38. “Have you lost your mind?”
  39. “You’re so fucking adorable.”
  40. “You’re my best friend’s sister, we can’t do this..”
  41. "People are jerks, but not you.”
  42. “All these new feelings are scaring me.”
  43. "I’ll share the blankets with you.”
  44. “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.”
  45. "I have never felt this way about anyone.”
  46. “How do you always manage to look so captivating?”
  47. "I want this to never end…”
  48. “I’m a big girl, i can handle it myself.”
  49. “I can’t believe I got the first date, let alone a year.”
  50. “Can I kiss you?”
  51. “Don’t give me that puppy dog face.  How am I supposed to say no to that?”
  52. “So, are you guys dating or?”
  53. “There’s no way in hell i could fall in love with someone like you”
  54. "I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks.”
  55. “Could you hold my hand?”
  56. “Have you seen my jacket?”
  57. “Who changed the thermostat settings? I’m freezing to death.”
  58. “Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”
  59. “You can put your cold feet on me.”
  60. “You make me so happy.”
  61. “I can’t get over how a few months ago I wanted to learn your name and now you’re having breakfast with me in my sweater.”
  62. “Your stray red item turned my whites pink.”
  63. “A thunderstorm is rolling through town and you’re scared of lightening/thunder so I’ll protect you.”
  64. “Did they hurt you?”
  65. “You’re hiding under the blanket because you’re blushing?
  66. “Your lips are really warm.”
  67. “I just came home to you crying while watching a movie, please tell me what’s going on.”
  68. “That pet name was so gushy, but it was also so cute.”
  69. “I really love holding you, darling.”
  70. “You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar.”
  71. “My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on”
  72. “You look so comfy, and cuddle-able.”
  73. “We’re repainting the apartment and going to the hardware store together to pick out color swatches.”
  74. “IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH.”
  75. “I want you to fight for me!”
  76. “Please don’t go.”
  77. “You can call me whenever you want… Even if you don’t have a reason to.”
  78. “It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”
  79. “Quit smiling at me, I can’t stop messing up my sentences when you look at me like that.”

I decided to make a prompt list cause I’ve always been anxious about getting a prompt I don’t know what to do with so I chose to grab them from other lists that I was comfortable with (originals: x  x  x )

~ Clara

you’re my werepuppy - Isaac Lahey one shot *fluff*

Original Request from nocomhbhronHey hey!! Love your blog dude :)
Anyway, I was wondering if you’d do a short of Isaac insisting that werewolves don’t like being scratched (like dogs; behind the ear, belly etc) but y/n scratches him while he’s sleeping and his leg starts going off 💕

Pairing: Isaac Lahey x reader

Rating: Teen for swearing


Originally posted by killsalthi

Originally posted by jkque

“[y/n], come get breakfast!” Derek voice blared, waking you up.

You dragged your sleepy form out of bed. After washing your face and brushing your teeth, you joined your pack, not bothering to change out of your pajamas. You entered the common area, seeing Scott and Liam watching cartoons on the couch, Lydia on an adjacent chair eating French toast and reading a thick novel. Stiles and Derek were at the stove, bickering about something while Stiles stirred pancake mix and Derek flipped.

You finally spotted your favorite werewolf, Isaac, who was sitting at the minibar, hunched over a plate of eggs and bacon. Of course he’d be alone, and of course he’d look adorable with his curly hair slightly in disarray and clad in plaid pajamas and a white cotton t-shirt. You always had a soft spot for Isaac, nothing explicitly romantic, but also not inappropriately maternal. Everyone just has ‘that person’ with whom they can share everything and feel safe, and he was your person. And as proven by your unplanned matching attire, you were kindred spirits.

“Morning, sunshine,” you greeted. Isaac’s face shot up, looking at you surprised. He recovered as he recognized it was you, his mouth stretching into a bright smile.

“Morning,” he chimed. “Someone’s finally up.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Well, someone had to stay up most of the night doing research because someone fell asleep, even though they promised they wouldn’t.” You lightly punched his arm.

Isaac ducked his head, a guilty grin taking form.

“Yeah… sorry about that. How do you make yourself stay up so late, anyway?”

You shrugged. “I guess I’m used to it. Tests and papers.”

Isaac playfully scoffed, mumbling something like “such a nerd.”

“What was that?” you piped. Isaac always teased you for being so invested in school, even though he secretly loved how smart you were.

“Nothing! I just said you looked really pretty today,” he shot you a thousand watt smile, leaning in closer to you.

You blushed, trying to mask your visceral reaction with a sarcastic laugh. You nudged him away with your elbow.

“Whatever, Lahey. Just eat your eggs.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mocked, resuming his breakfast.

Derek appeared in your line of vision, knowingly shaking his head at the two of you. Everyone kind of knew that you and Isaac were a duo, not really ~together~ but always together. You had a thing. They respected your unique relationship, occasionally making slides like “stop being gross” and “make out already.”

Derek slid a plate of pancakes in front of you.

“Having a good morning?” he asked, the mischievous glint in his eyes implying a double meaning. He eyed Isaac, then you.

“Really good,” you replied with a tight smile. “Almost as good as yours.”

You gestured towards Stiles, who was now attempting to flip a drippy pancake.

“Shit,” Derek muttered, retreating backwards. “Stiles, don’t touch that!”  

You giggled at their antics, scarfing down a mouthful of pancake. Looking back over at Isaac, a wave of adoration hit you. You observed his careful movements, delicately using a fork and knife to cut up his food. You always wondered if the reason why he was so cautious, so meticulous in his ways was because of his childhood, always afraid to make a mistake, afraid of his father.

Your body moved of its own volition, the urge to comfort him overtaking you. You weren’t sure how, but your hand somehow ended up in new territory behind his ear. You moved your fingers along his hairline, gently scratching the area.

“What are you doing?” Isaac asked, breaking your trance. Amusement and confusion lit his features.

“What?” you replied casually, continuing to move your fingers. After all, it wasn’t unusual for you to touch him affectionately, physical contact a huge component of your friendship.

“You’re… scratching behind my ear.”

“Yeah, so? Do you not like it?” You pulled back slowly, embarrassment burning your face.

“I don’t exactly mind it,” he began with a laugh. “But you know I’m not a dog, right?”  

You raised your eyebrow.

“Hey, come on,” he scoffed in feigned annoyance. “Werewolf. Werewolf,” he enunciated.

You giggled. “I know. I just thought it would feel nice—“

“Well, you thought wrong,” he cut you off. “Werewolves aren’t dogs, [y/n]. We don’t pee everywhere, we don’t like belly rubs, and we don’t. Like. Ear. Scratches,” he pouted adorably.

You put your hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. No more ear scratches,” you relented, but not before reaching up to ruffle his hair, laughing. Isaac merely groaned, hiding a smile in his shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day had gone by smoothly. You were grateful, missing the aesthetic of a Lazy Sunday. The pack had decided to go out to dinner, leaving you and Isaac alone. You were both homebodies, preferring to stay in and relax.

You were sitting on the couch watching Pride and Prejudice, Isaac’s head resting in your lap. You absentmindedly stroked patterns into his arm until his body suddenly went limp, his breathing full and even.

He’d fallen asleep. Again.

Okay, you actually sympathized this time. Isaac thought Jane Austen was boring, but it was your turn to pick the movie, and you’d begged him for weeks to watch it with you. He had finally agreed before falling asleep twenty minutes into the film. You sighed, moving your hand away to avoid disturbing him.

But an idea suddenly hit you, recalling back to this morning when Isaac had said that werewolves didn’t like being scratched behind the ear. You thought back to all the times when you were a kid and your dog Molly had fallen asleep curled up beside you. Whenever you scratched her behind her ear, she would always whine softly and nuzzle closer to you in contentment.  

With Molly as inspiration, you slowly placed your fingers behind Isaac’s ear, gently caressing at first. When he didn’t stir, you nudged a little harder, running your fingernails against the exposed skin.

You froze when Isaac shifted, curving his body slightly inward. An almost imperceptible “hmm” broke through the silence as he burrowed his face into your lap. You took that as encouragement.

Still scratching, you used your thumb to graze the shell of his ear, stimulating more of the area. You passively noted how soft his earlobes were.

And that’s when it happened. Isaac’s leg twitched.

You gasped. Had you done it? Had you just proven Isaac wrong about werewolves? Victory was on your mind. Your best friend was literally an overgrown puppy in denial.

You maintained your controlled pace, not straying too long in one area, giving attention to different sections of his skin. You tried to stifle your laughter as Isaac’s leg started going off. You covered your mouth with your hand, the other still stroking him.

Behind you, the front door opened and the pack filed in, their voices and footsteps filling the air.

“Shhh, guys,” you whispered, turning around with a finger to your lips. They all turned towards you, approaching you in the living room.

“What’s up?” Scott said. They all stood in a circle, looking down at you and Isaac.

“Look,” you instructed. They watched silently. You resumed scratching Isaac behind his ear, and on cue, he started kicking his leg.

Stiles’ snort broke through the air as he buried his face into Derek’s shoulder, who was smirking and shaking his head. Liam broke into giggles. Scott hid his smile behind a fist. Lydia placed her hand over her heart, mouthing “so cute.”

Her support quickly turned devious as she pulled out her phone to take a video. The rest of the pack was now doubled over.

“This is so great,” Scott huffed through his mirth.

“This is fucking hilarious. I know what I’m doing tonight.” Stiles informed, a little too loudly. He put his hand on Derek’s shoulder.

Derek glared at him. This created another uproar of giggles.

“Guys, stop,” you warned through fits of laughter. “He’ll wake up!”

And he did.

You looked down when you felt Isaac maneuver in your lap. He looked up at you with wide, confused eyes. You removed your hand discreetly, smiling down at him.

“Heeey,” you welcomed cheerily.

Isaac opened his mouth to respond before he sat up and noticed the roomful of people observing him. The pack recomposed, panting and wiping their eyes, their faces too red and their smiles too wide.

“What?” Isaac asked, his brows furrowed. He looked around, then back to you. “What did I miss?”

You sucked in through your nose, looking down at your lap.

“Umm, well—“

“This.” Lydia sat down beside Isaac and handed him her phone. Crap.

Isaac hesitantly took the object and played the video. You waited for his reaction as you saw his eyes go wide in the screen’s reflection. After a few seconds, he hung his head, planting his face into his palms. “Fuck me.”

The pack broke character again, hunching over in guffaw.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Stiles taunted. “Even though Liam’s the youngest, I guess you’re the real runt of the litter.”

“Shut up,” Lydia protested, grinning. “I think it’s cute.”

“Alright children, let’s call it a night,” Derek ordered, smiling at you. “This was great, [y/n]. Made my night.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Scott approved. You noticed Isaac looking at you from the corner of his eye, his jaw locked. Scott walked towards Isaac and ruffled his hair fondly, from which Isaac reeled back, face tinted bright pink. “You’re the cutest beta there ever was.”

“I hate all of you,” Isaac deadpanned, sitting back with his arms crossed over his chest.

“We love you, too!” Liam called out en route to his bedroom.

Once everyone had left, you stood up, yawning and stretching your arms over your head. You looked down at Isaac, noticing his staring at your exposed midriff, and immediately placed your arms back down. He looked away rapidly. You stood in front of him.

“Well, I hate to say I told you so…”

Isaac glared at you.

“Was that really necessary?” Isaac mumbled.

“A little bit?” you squeaked. His jaw dropped at your admission. “You just kept denying the ear thing! And in my defense, I didn’t know that everyone would come back all at once like that.”

“Yeah, sure you didn’t,” he jeered. “Now Lydia has a video!”

“So? It’s not like she’ll do anything with it,” you defended. “And for the record, I agree with her.”

“Agree with what?” he muttered looking down, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. You took a step towards him, your knees touching his.

“That you’re cute,” you spoke softly. He looked up at you, mouth parted. You inhaled at his bewildered expression. “Really, really cute.”

“Really?” he whispered. You bit your lip and nodded. Isaac’s mouth formed an ‘o.’

You regarded him with reverence. His face looked so soft from the warm light of the fireplace. You reached down and ran your fingers through his hair, soothing his awe, using your other hand to cup gently under his jaw.

“Let’s just go to bed, okay?” you cooed. He nodded into your palm. You released him as he slowly stood up, eventually towering over you. You were standing a hair width apart, his breath fanning over your forehead.

He lifted one large hand, moving the hair away from your shoulder. He leaned over to confess into your ear.

“I really did like it… the whole time.”

“I know,” you breathed against his shoulder.

Isaac chuckled.

“I guess I really am a dog.”

“Nah, you’re more like a hybrid,” you responded thoughtfully. He cocked his head to the side, silently questioning you. You chucked at his perplexity before concluding.

“You’re my werepuppy.”


A/N: Hey, guys. Can I just say I had the most fun writing this? Thanks so much to nocomhbhron for requesting it! You are my first official request. And you are grand. Hope you and everyone else likes this! :) 

anonymous asked:

My homecoming date just canceled on Me and it's today, can I go with lord among wolves instead?

Oh he would be delighted. He only knows how to do the waltz but, like most dogs, you can teach him some new tricks with a little patience ♥ (I’m sorry about your date, dude! That’s really lame!)

Pink Lemonade

Summary: Richie Tozier finds himself in a sticky situation and is forced to hide in a closet for safety. He wasn’t expecting to find the space already occupied, and he defiantly wasn’t expecting to enjoy the company so much

A/N: So I did the thing…and I don’t regret it.

Word Count: 1858

Masterlist


Part: (1) 2 (3) (4) (5) (6)

Eddie hurried to his table for lunch, relived to find Stan and Bill sitting in their usual spots. With a sigh he sat across from them, letting his heavy backpack fall to the ground with a loud thud. The two boys ignored his presence, completely engrossed in their heated conversation. The smaller boy just shrugged them off, completely satisfied to be around his actual friends for the first time that day.

Richie had been bothering him nonstop since the end of first period. He gabbled, joked, prodded and followed him everywhere he went. No matter what he said, the trashmouth would just shrug it off, place an arm around him and say, “Aww, be nice to me Eds, you know you want to be my friend.” It was so frustrating and for some stupid, unhealthy reason, endearing.

“S-so have you finally s-shaken that Richie k-kid?” Bill asked, dropping the conversation with Stan who looked rather upset.

“Lost him in a crowd just before lunch. Hopefully he doesn’t eat in the quad.” Eddie replied, taking a bite of his lunch. “I’ve never seen him over here before.”

“Riche? As in steal a cheerleaders pom-poms and dance during the pep-rally and getting suspended, Richie?” Stan questioned, annoyance lacing in his tone.

“Y-yeah.” Bill replied, smirking. “He’s g-got a c-crush on E-Eddie. T-they came o-out of t-the closet t-together after s-school yesterday.”

Eddie could feel his ears redden, “It’s not what it sounds like.” He protested, sneering towards Bill. “We just hid in the same place and-“

“Look, I don’t care.” Stan replied grumpily, obviously still fumed from the conversation before. “Just keep that kid away from our group. Just looking at him gives me a headache.”

“I’m trying my best.” Eddie admitted, taking another bite of his food, feeling slightly annoyed at Stan’s harsh tone. “He’s just so-so-“

“Handsome, perfect, the sexiest thing since high heels.” Eddie froze, the obnoxious voice behind him booming in his ears. He looked beside him just in time to watch Richie Trashmouth Tozier take a seat beside him. “Lost you for a bit there Eds, wasn’t sure where you ate lunch.”

There was a loud groan from the small kid, “Did I say something to you yesterday to imply that this was okay? Because if I did, I take it back.” He sneered, only earning a smile from the boy beside him.

Richie shrugged, his attention suddenly on the other two boys in the group. He pulled a cigarette from behind his ears and placed it between his lips, smirking. “Hey there Billy, haven’t seen you since yesterday, how have you been?”

Bill looked to Eddie, confused. “F-fine.” He muttered as Richie light his death stick.

“You can’t smoke out here.” Stan hissed, leaning over the table to pull the damn thing from Richie’s teeth only to have him lean out of reach.

“Easy there big boy, at least buy me dinner before you get all handsy.” The trashmouth joked, exhaling a long drag. “I don’t think we’ve met and since Eddie bear only has two friends, I’m guessing you’re the bird boy?”

“H-his name’s S-Stan.” Bill corrected, earning a sharp eye from his friends.

Richie chuckled, “Stan the man.” He jested, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. “It’s great to meet you, my new friend.”

“Eddie, get him out of here.” Stan grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. “Now.”

“What do you want me to do?” Eddie asked, feeling his irritation peak at Stan’s boorishness. “He’s not a dog.”

“He sure follows you around like one!” Stan replied harshly.

“Woof, woof.” Richie joked, taking another drag from his cigarette and blowing it towards the grumpy boy across from him. Stan opened his mouth to shriek in anger only to be stopped by the red hair girl who sat beside Richie.

She smiled and nodded to group before turning towards Richie, “There you are, is this our new spot? It’s nice.”

Richie beamed, wrapping his arm around the girl before announcing, “Boys, this is my good friend Beverly Marsh. Bev, this is Bill, Stan and-“

“Eddie.” She finished, gently extending her hand out for the small boy. Eddie looked over to Bill who only shrugged. They shook hands and Beverly grinned, “I’ve heard so much about you, it’s nice to finally meet you!”

“The fuck is happening?” Stan hissed.

“I have no fucking clue.” Eddie admitted, shaking the pretty girls hand firmly.

“I like them.” Beverly announced, dropping Eddie’s hand and taking out her own cigarette, which Richie lit. “They seem cool.”

Eddie felt his head spin, he looked to Richie who only winked. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and spoke in a slow, calm voice. “Okay look, I don’t know who you think you are but you can’t just-“

“Beverly did you get the notes from Chemistry, I lost mine.” A stout boy asked, taking a seat beside Bill. He nodded towards the awkward stares of the others and smiled. “I was going to ask you earlier but you weren’t in our usual spot.”

“This is our new spot.” Beverly replied softly. “Ben, this is the group. That’s Bill, Stan and-“

“Eddie. Got it.” Ben finished, smiling a shit-eating smile at the small boy. Eddie could practically feel head explode. How in the hell did these people know who he was? What the fuck was Richie telling them?

Stan stood from the table, his face turning crimson. He looked to Eddie who completely ignored his sudden puff of confidence. With one final breath he challenged the root of the problem, looking over to Richie. “Okay, you guys are not in our group so you all need to-“

“Jesus, there you are Rich.” A tall, well-built boy huffed, squeezing on the end by Beverly. He adjusted his letterman jacket nodding to Stan who had frozen mid-sentence. “The captain of the football team is looking to kick your ass, what did you do to him?”

Stan let out defeated sigh. “Why is happening?” He murmured before sitting down into his spot and thumping his head against the table with a grunt. “Now there’s seven.” He whispered under his breath and Bill began to rub his back for support. “We were only three.”

Richie chuckled, “Mike, meet Stan, Bill, and-“

“Yeah Eddie.” Mike waved, dismissing the introductions, Eddie groaned loudly. “I’m being serious Rich, he is going to kill you. He’s saying that you called him a faggot.”

“Well technically I did.” Richie replied with a huff, smoke trailing out of his nostrils. “It was like I was telling Eds here, that kid is a closeted homosexual and he refuses to come out with the rest of us.” He smirked, nodding towards Eddie, “Pun intended.”

Mike rolled his eyes, “Yeah well your lucky you’re my friend.”

“So you took care of it?” Richie practically squealed, Mike nodded. “Oh man, you’re the best Mikey.”

“Is this our new spot?” Mike asked, looking around the quad and smiling. “I like it, much better than Richie’s truck.”

Eddie felt a burning in his chest, suddenly overwhelmed by their now crowded table. “Okay, what in the hell just happened? How do you people even know my name?” He demanded, looking at the new faces at the table.

“Your dog brought his puppies.” Stan mocked, lifting his head from the table. “We are a group of seven now.”

Eddie looked to Richie, who smiled his contagious smile. The small boy narrowed his eyes, feeling annoyance claw at skin. It was Beverly who broke his concentration, blowing smoke into the air she smiled and insisted, “You’ll love us Eddie. Trust me, we will all get along just fine.”

Eddie’s gaze faltered, looking around the others who, minus Stan, smiled in support. He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in effort to ward away the eventual headache he was going to receive. “Fuck me.” He hissed, mostly to himself.

Richie chuckled, “If you’re offering than su-.” He was abruptly cut off by Beverly’s elbow in his ribs.


The smoke swirled around the cab of the truck, creating a heavy fog that consumed them. Richie sat in the driver’s seat, holding the blunt between his fingers and taking one long drag. He smiled, blowing the smoke on to the steering wheel. He admired the way it danced with the leather before becoming a part of the accumulated fog. God, he enjoyed hot boxing,

Beverly accept the drug, pulling her own drag through the now demised roll. She pushed her back against the passenger side door, sparling her legs across Richie’s lap. The smoke exited her mouth beautifully, “I think you about gave Eddie a conniption during lunch.” She joked, smirking at her best friend.

Richie accepted the blunt back, frowning at how little they had left. “Nah, he took it better than I expected.” He mused, taking in a drag. “Stan sure freaked out though, thought he was going to explode.”

“He was okay after a while, really warmed up to Mike and Ben I thought.” She shrugged, smirking slightly at the curly haired boy with the overly red face. Richie handed her what remained of their recreation, taking in the last drag before putting out the fire in his ashtray. “So are we going to talk about it or what?”

“Or what?” Richie joked, leaning his head back against the headrest and breathing the lingering smoke around them.

Beverly scoffed, “Come on Rich, why in the hell did you have us do all that?”

“Because there wasn’t any way Eddie would have brought his small group to my truck.” He admitted, keeping his eyes closed. “We would have just freaked him out and he would have turned tail and ran. This way he was forced to accept us.”

“Why does he have to accept us?”

Richie raised his head, looking over to his friend. He mulled over the question, debating what exactly the reason was for his shenanigans during lunch. It was known that his sense of humor was off the wall crazy and his friends usually just went along with whatever half assed plan he had come up with but when he had told them about this it had been different. Richie made sure they knew Eddie’s name, knew which one he was because it was important. It was important to him that the small boys group knew his, became apart his and yet he honestly didn’t know why. So he shrugged, feeling the tingling in his face linger on his nose. “He just had to okay?”

“Awe, does Tozier have a crush?” She cooed, rubbing his chest with her shoe.

He pushed her foot away and scoffed, “I don’t do cruses Bev.” He corrected, “I suck off football players in the bathroom and sleep with their cheerleader girlfriends that night. I don’t do that high school dating bullshit. How long have you known me?”

“So then what is Eddie?” She asked, crossing her feet in his lap. “Is he just your new project or something?”

“No, this isn’t some romantic comedy.” Richie replied, maybe too harshly. “He’s our new friend.”

Beverly smiled.

In the Moment || Kisses Series

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Warnings: angry Steve,  harsh words, language, suggested smut

Word Count: 1150+

Summary: Love has many different ways of expressing itself. One form, is the different ways you share a kiss.

A/N: Man this one was interesting to write. I always imagine Steve losing it when someone he loves does something stupid. He’s lost so much in his life as it is, he couldn't handle losing anyone else. He might also cross several lines because of it too. Enjoy! 

The gif is not mine. Credit to the wonderful owner!


Originally posted by lolawinchesterr

Cheeky | Hesitant | Wake up | Sloppy | In the Moment | Distracted | Breathtaking

Steve was angry. No scratch that he was livid. He had moments where he found himself channeling his rage from before the pre-serum, but never had it been channeled at someone he cared for.

Keep reading

An Avengers Supernatural AU

Part 1: Fledgling

Y/N has created a chatroom: Meet the new Fledgling

Y/N has added Tony, Clint, Sam, Natasha, Thor, Steve, Bucky, Bruce.

Thor: Our human! We have missed you!

Tony: New fledgling?! Some of us are thousands of years old, we can’t have a fledgling join us! I am too old to look after a child!

Y/N: I missed everyone too!

Y/N: except Tony

Sam: a burn not even sunlight can best

Y/N: He’s a newly turned vampire, Stark. You and Natasha can guide him through the process. Plus, I don’t get to decide who joins our group. I’m just assigned to make sure you all abide to human laws.

Thor: Yes, our human speaks the truth!

Bruce: A vampire? Pity. I would have liked another werewolf to join Barnes and I.

Y/N: I’m ordering everyone to meet at Stark Castle. Introductions can be done in person then, but for now, the chat will do.

Keep reading

New In Town Starters

“I don’t look older, I just look worse.”

“I always thought quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be”

“if you watch cartoons, quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about in adult life behind real sticks of dynamite and anvils falling on you from the sky.”

“I think I’m becoming more like my mom. I was watching Access Hollywood, and one of the reporters said ‘up next we have and exclusive interview with Sandra Bullock’s former husband, Jesse James.’ And out loud I went ‘uhg! This oughta be good!’”

“One time I was in bed and my dad came in and said ‘good night (name) did you brush your teeth?’ And I said ‘yes’ but here’s the thing… I hadn’t.”

“If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see that I did not purger myself.”

“She would just make wild accusations all day long and wait for something to stick.”

“My mom would blame me for things that happened on the news. That is true.”

“(Name) I have been here all night! You can feel the tv, it’s warm.”

“Luckily I had a good alibi because I was in Wisconsin and twelve.”

“My brothers and sisters and I had this babysitter when we were kids and I was in love with her.”

“Why was she in charge?!”

“That’s just like hiring a slightly bigger child.”

“That would be like if you were going out of town for the week and you paid a horse to watch your dog.”

“Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.”

“This is the height of luxury!”

“Lost in New York? The streets are numbered! How did you get lost in New York?”

“It’s a grid system motherfucker. Where you at? 24th and 5th? Where you wanna go? 35th and 6th? 11 up and 1 over you simple bitch.”

“When I was in grade school I was bullied for being Asian American and… the biggest problem with that… is that I am not Asian american.”

“On the first day that he met me, the guy that is now my best friend went home and said ‘papa, today I met a boy with no eyes’ and that was me.”

“Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day.”

“8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way.”

“No! that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!”

“First off: no.”

“If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worse word.”

“Midgets were never enslaved! Unless you count the Wonka factory!”

“It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA.”

“Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the 30s: as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.”

“Oh good it has a mind of its own, that’s very reassuring.”

“It’s 100% easier not to do things, and so much fun not to do them. Especially when you were supposed to do them.”

“In terms of like instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”

“I’ve never been killed by hit men, so I don’t know what it’s like in the moments right before you’re killed by hit men, but I bet it’s not unlike when you’re on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing.”

“It doesn’t have to be right, it just has to be short.”

“A hero is any man that does his job.”

“A bozo is any man that cheats on his wife.”

“I went into the room to get the massage and the woman there told me to undress to my comfort level. So I put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants, and I felt safe.”

“Hey mister! I found your treasure!”

“If I got a plate of crack for the table would you have some?”

“I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay, based on how I act and behave and have walked and talked for 28 years.”

“I think I was supposed to be gay. I think in heaven they built like three quarters of a gay person and they forgot to flip the final switch and just sent me out.”

“Everyone get out of my way! I just wanna sit here and feed my birds.”

“You want me to do what?”

“We’ve been going pretty hot and heavy lately, I think it’s time we brought in two older catholic people.”

“I listen to everything my girlfriend says. I don’t mean she bosses me around, I just mean that before I had a girlfriend, I never had someone who was always standing next to me and could just point out obvious things that are happening.”

“I don’t look like someone who used to do anything.”

“Oh hey, (name), would you like an old turnip we found in a cabinet? Would that be good for you? Would you like that? I know you don’t drink!”

“I’m really sorry about last night, I was just so drunk.”

“I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud. It probably will happen again.”

“I don’t drink anymore because I used to drink too much and I would black out and ‘ruin parties’ –or so I’m told.”

“ I was 20 and I was at a party at someone’s house and I blacked out drinking and someone came out of one of the rooms at this party holding an old antique bottle with some liquid in it and they said ‘hey, is this whiskey or perfume?’ And apparently I grabbed it, drank all of it and said ‘it’s perfume.’ And it was.”

“(name) was an asshole and one weekend he and his wife decided to leave town, which you should never do if you’re an asshole.”

“Okay, lets go over there and destroy the place.”

“I walked into this party, everyone I had ever met was there and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world.”

“People were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off.”

“They had a pool table in the basement, one kid got a running start and threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half.”

“I’m standing in the basement and I’m holding a red cup - you’ve seen movies - and I’m starting to black out. And I guess someone said like ‘something something police’ and in a brilliant moment of word association, I shouted ‘FUCK DUH POLICE’ and everyone else joined in. A hundred white, drunk children yelling ‘fuck. duh. police’ with the confidence of guys that have like already been to jail and aren’t afraid of it anymore.”

“My friend – who is now a father, this man now has a baby – grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground and yelled ‘SCATTER!’ And everyone ran in different directions.”

“I ran into the laundry room and hopped up onto the washing machine and climbed out a window into the back yard and I’m running through the back yard and there’s this huge chain link fence and I thought ‘I have never climbed a fence that high before!’ And then I woke up and home.“

“And I said ‘no’ you know, like a liar.”

“And I had that thought, that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have: did I do that? I figured no, I wouldn’t have done that, but I was never sure.”

“he takes me into his bedroom and then he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom- never a good thing to have.”

“WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THIS?”

“Because it’s the one thing you can’t replace.”

“That’s the end of that story but how fucked up is that?”

“I was going into my building late at night and in front of my building I saw a wheel chair knocked over on its side, with no one in it. That’s a bad thing to see. Something happened there, you hope it was a miracle, but probably not.”

“That wasn’t what I was telling you, but alright, let’s talk about this entirely new topic.”

“Excuse me, I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS and I’m new in town.”

“That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said.”

“Hey would you help me out? I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars.”

“Yeah that’s the type of lowbrow shit I’m looking for.”

13 Reasons Why Preference #1: Pets

a/n: let me know what you guys think; if you want me to continue doing preferences/who i should add!! i know this is shorter than my other writings but I wanted to get a feel for this first :)

Alex; Cat:

Originally posted by bullet-for-my-valentine09

“A cat? Alex, I never thought you’d be a cat person.”

“See, what I love about them is that they know when to be affectionate, and when to back off and take time for themselves. Also he looks like a mini tiger and I love that about her.”

“That awkward moment when your cat and you have the same personality.”

“Shut up, Y/N.”

Clay; Beta Fish:

Originally posted by 13reasonsvvhy

“Clay, you actually have the dorkiest pet in the whole world. It doesn’t do anything but swim in circles and eat.”

“Y/N, I’d like to remind you that I lost the baby doll we had to take care of for the Home Ec project within an hour, and you want me to be responsible for the life of something other than a fish?”

Justin; Snake:

Originally posted by rafaelasgomes

“juSTIN FOLEY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”

“What? I told you you were meeting my pet today, Y/N.”

“Justin, I thought I was meeting a dog because most normal people don’t name their pet snake Rover.”

“Whoops.”

Tony; Sugar Glider:

Originally posted by female-winston

“Tony….what…how…you know what? I don’t even want to know.”

Jeff; German Shepard-Husky:

Originally posted by wkom

“Jeffery Atkins oh my freaking god what is this?”

“He’s a Husky German Shepard mix.”

“Oh my god he’s adorable and I 10/10 am coming to your house without you like babe, I love you and all that but your dog is my new favorite Atkins.”

“Wow, Y/N, that hurts.”

“Love youuuuu. But you don’t have the sky trapped in your eyeballs so I think the dog wins this one.”

Monty; Guinea Pig:

Originally posted by montedelacruz

“Monty, babe….you know I think you’re the hottest, sexiest, most attractive personal alive, right?”

“Of course…but why do I feel like I’m not going to like what you say next?”

“…you know how they say that people look just like their pets?”

“Y/N, I’m going to stop you right there.”

Zach; Dachsund:

Originally posted by oliviagrey3

“Y/N, I’d like you to meet Bark Ruffalo.”

“Oh my god, Zach.”

“Do you know what happens in the summer?”

“If you say a stupid pun, Dempsey, we’re breaking up. So think, is it worth it?”

“….he becomes a really, really hot dog.”

anonymous asked:

do you have any favourite monster factory quotes??

This is good timing, because I’m about to start a series of gifs on MF quotes soon!

From the top of my head, in random order:

(Also, these are mostly from older episodes, I’m little behind on newer ones or saw some of them just once)

  • “Daddy like a pretty baby?”
  • “This is not a mean spirited show. It’s about taking things that are initially horrifying and finding the beauty within.”
  • “Don’t get your face blood on my new diesels.”
  • “I taste with my skin. How do you taste?”
  • “What’s up everybody? I think Dogs should vote!”
  • “Hello perverts.”
  • “If you make my nose this small I can’t smell your sins, daddy.”
  • “LOOK AT HIS GUMMY WORKS!!!”
  • Griffin’s “SCUUUUUUSI?”
  • “This is like the ending of Akira.”
  • “I gave you a task, I am your God. You chat with boys!”
  • “Cream faced - business boy”
  • “Ready to smash some meat together until we create some genuine wrestle boys?”
  • “This is not a house for boys”
  • “You can’t knock this boy with a pale of water.”
  • “Glide, my beautiful boy!”
  • “Pizza crime is eternal.”
  • “This is a crime and it’s punishable by crime.”
  • “No middle sliders.”
  • “Backpack for his applesauce.”
  • “It’s William Wright. I want to show you me beautiful spores!”
  • “I’m Bethany Esda. This is my indie game.”
  • “JACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!”
  • “OOOPS! OH NO! OH OH. OOPISE DAISY!”
  • “Put this one back in the oven!”
  • “A LITTLEEEEEEEEEE BOY!”
  • “Bikes have killed this entire family.”
  • “Why would you play an MMO if you didn’t want to trade vape secrets?”
  • “No rules, just right.”
  • “Post Joker-fication Allison Janney.”
  • “NOT TODAY MONSTER FACTORY BOYS!”
  • “It’s your favorite guy, ROACHIEEEEEE!”
  • “I take a hammer and fix the baby.”
  • “YOU REMEMBER HOW YOUR BARBECUE GO, THE SMITHS? PRETTY GOOD IT DOESN’T SEEM! NEXT TIME YOU INVITE PAM!”
  • “Hello, metal husband!”
  • “JUST LIKE BART!”
  • “Take it to the bank, boys.”
  • “IT"S SUCCOTASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
  • “The soul still burnsssssssssssssss.”

This is all I can remember right now…

+ the entirety of the “Every time they say “boy” on Monster Factory”
and pretty much the whole creation process of The Final Pam.

anonymous asked:

tips for leash training a kitten? remus just turned 6 months old and he gets so bored with everything inside no matter how much attention and playtime he gets. he loves our back lanai (its screened dw) and he sits out there for a long time on top of his tree and he seems to find so much to entertain himself with outside and i dont want him to get bored and start developing bad habits as a result. is it best to get him accustomed now at a young age? i think hed love walks

It’s awesome that you want to start leash training! It’s such a great form of enrichment for indoor kitties. It’s possible for leash training to happen at any age, but for many animals it can be easier if you start younger. I wouldn’t worry though if you couldn’t start right away. The principles are the same for cats of any age.

The biggest mistake people make when leash training a cat is that they go faster than the cat is ready for. Leash training is a gradual desensitization process that should never put your cat out of their comfort zone. It can be slow and frustrating sometimes, and very tempting to push a little, but remember that pushing a cat out of their comfort zone could stress the animal out and create negative associations with the leash/walking that can be hard to overcome later. It can even lead to you getting scratched or your cat getting seriously hurt–the last thing you want is to take a panicking cat outside that could slip out of their harness and run in front of a car. There are a lot of things about leash training that can be scary for a cat! Wearing the harness, going outside for the first time, hitting the end of the leash and feeling pressure, even just seeing a harness for the first time. Every step you take when leash training your kitty should be slow, gradual, and full of positive associations. And make sure they are comfortable with every aspect of the leash and harness inside before going outside. There’s much less of a chance of them getting hurt inside. I even started with just having the harness sitting out during feeding and play time to build a positive association with it. And if your cat starts showing fear/stress behavior, stop. Then, go back a step. For example, if your cat wont even let you put the harness on, just start by rewarding them for letting you touch the harness to their body. The harness should never be scary! After all, this is supposed to be fun for both of you!

Also keep in mind that walking a cat will not be like walking a dog! Even I had this picture in my head of strolling down the street to the park with my cat, but all he wants to do is eat grass and stalk squirrels. We hardly ever end up leaving my yard, and that’s ok! This is for them, not for us. Go at your cat’s pace and be slow to introduce new areas. Everything (as long as it is safe) should be a choice of the cat. That includes if and how fast they want to go outside in the first place. I also have a rule that my cat cannot go anywhere I can’t follow. This includes into a bush, up a tree, under a fence–basically anywhere where he could get stuck or I wouldn’t be able to get to him. And if your cat never adjusts to the leash or going outside, that’s ok too. Not all cats will enjoy going on a walk.

As I was typing out this post I realized I was getting very bogged down in the intricate details of leash training a cat, and I don’t know if that’s the sort of thing you’re looking for so (believe it or not) I shorted my response to be a little broader. However, if you’re looking for more specific instructions I’m happy to provide a more detailed explanation! Also check out Pam Johnson-Bennett, my favorite cat behaviorist, here and here for a little more info about leash training. Good luck, and have fun!

anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on off colour dobes? I found an fb group dedicated to "all colours" and some claim to health test hips, etc - which I find is decent to do regardless of what you're breeding. But I understand blues have alopecia issues, I could never get a blue due to that. But if someone's health testing their white and solid black dobies and doing some sport or work outlet, and they where AKC registered, would you find that okay or unethical? Why or why not?

There is no such thing as a white doberman. All “white”, “cream”, “double dilute”, “cremello”, etc doberman are actually albino. Though many albino supporters will say otherwise, this is not debatable nor is it Fake News™. The gene mutation creates one of the many types of albinism we know can affect living creatures with pigment, and this specific one causes albinism in primates (including humans), rodents, and dogs. Many albino doberman breeders will tell you that all albinos are pure white with red eyes, but that is a very misguided and ignorant idea of what albinism looks like. Humans with this form of albinism (and gorillas) frequently have blonde hair and purple, green, or even blue eyes. Some even have brown eyes! However, all mammals affected by this type of albinism are intrinsically disabled at birth due to photosensitivity, an extremely heightened risk of cancer at a young age, and various systematic issues as pigment is used in many processes besides skin/hair/eye color such as digestion and brain function.

Mice and dogs with this type of albinism are extremely prone to intense fear reactions and seriously unstable temperament. I have a theory part of it is because they cannot see well (which is a fact- they are all photosensitive to some degree, many are cross- or wall-eyed, and some are completely blind in all but extremely low light situations due to pain caused by even overhead lights in a house) and they are bred to react to visual stimuli, they are automatically given a disadvantage in determining the difference between threat and safe.

Albino doberman are also extremely inbred as they all come from matings between a “white” bitch and her normally colored son. This makes them extremely prone to many, many more health problems than even the non-albino dobermans out there, and it’s not like the breed needs any more help being unhealthy.

So no, anyone deliberately producing albinos is not an ethical breeder, and I don’t care how much health testing or titling they do with their dogs. They are deliberately producing puppies with debilitating disabilities for profit by shrugging their shoulders and saying their dogs are “just fine” and super healthy, all the while discouraging those who buy their puppies from actually looking into the science behind it by dismissing it as fake news. Additionally, I have a bit of a personal problem with albino breeders, as they are a bit tone-deaf on the words they use to gather support for their dogs and the racial issues that surround US politics both when Sheba first was born and now.

Solid dobermans also do not actually exist- they are all one of two things: tan pointed dogs with extremely dark and muddy markings, or mixed breeds. The entire doberman breed is tan pointed. It is not genetically possible for a doberman to be born completely missing tan points. They have been all tan pointed since the “look” of the breed was finalized in the mid 1910s. This is not like German or Miniature pinschers where the solid stag red is present- that was bred out a very long time ago. As such, “solids” are produced solely by color-first breeders, who do not take long-term health and temperament into consideration, and who again rely on ignorance of their buyers to be able to continue to deceive and cut a profit. 

There are plenty of doberman out there with very dark or muddy markings that at first glance do look solid, some even are well bred (they are relatively common in working and european lines, which focus on dark dark pigment). However, if you look at any of these dogs in the sunlight, you’ll be able to see that they are indeed tan pointed, just that the tan is extremely dark. If their breeders are at all concerned about breeding to standard, they will also admit that the look is not desired, and that particular dog should be bred to another with lighter markings to fix what is a mostly cosmetic fault. Most “solids” that are actually solid trace their lineage back to either dane or viszla crosses, and many are also closely related to or bred with albinos.

Blue and fawn are allowed in the AKC standard, but are not in the FCI standard. While I would not buy a blue, the only color-specific problem in the dilutes is CDA, which is honestly mostly cosmetic and for most dogs easily controlled. At this point in my life I will likely never purchase a dog bred to the AKC standard as I vastly prefer the euro dogs, so I will never have to make a decision on supporting a breeder that intentionally produces blues or fawns because that standard does not allow them. However, here in the US, it is not considered unethical to produce dilutes so long as you are doing everything else you’re supposed to (but you should warn new owners about CDA and advise them on how to manage it).

BTS Reaction

Finding out their S/O has a ruptured appendix

REQUEST FROM: @fuckrealityihaveablog (Sorry it took so long, hope you’re feeling better, if not I have 7 angels for you)

Namjoon:

Namjoon has been by your side every step of the way, his constant presence a reminder of his love. “Baby, how are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you?” If there was anything that you wanted or needed he would be right onto it - even if it didn’t always quite work out… 

Originally posted by rapmunstar

Seokjin:

“I know that you’re not particularly hungry, but I brought your favourite” Seokjin says walking into your room holding three small tupperware containers. He would be very supportive and affectionate (even more so) during your time of unease.

Originally posted by sugasuite

Yoongi:

“Baby what happened?! Are you ok??” Yoongi said rushing into your hospital room. Seeing your boyfriend look so worried and concerned about your wellbeing was sadly reassuring. “Yeah I’ll be ok, thanks for being here” you say trying to calm him down. 

Originally posted by jimiyoong

Hoseok:

It hurt Hoseok seeing the one he loved in such pain. He tried to keep the spirits high and make you laugh, but it was clear that he was suffering with you when his smile never quite reached his eyes. “I think I just saw somebody walking a pony outside.. like on a leash.. with a collar… wait now that I think about it, it might’ve been a really big dog…”

Originally posted by junghoshikie

Jimin:

If there’s anything you can trust, it’s that Jimin will do anything to see you smile. Every time he came around to visit he came bearing new flowers for the vase beside your bed, big balloons, or a box of chocolates. “Ah my eyes! You are even more beautiful than the last time I saw you! How is that possible?”

Originally posted by bangtan

Taehyung:

“Baby don’t hate me, but what does that mean?” “Is it serious?” Taehyung was super worried, not knowing what was happening to you. You could see Tae watching the nurses every time they come in and out of your room, waiting for them to tell him what he can do to help ease your pain.

Originally posted by cutae-hyungie

Jungkook:

Like Namjoon, Jungkook wouldn’t want to leave your side, always wanting to be there to support and cheer you up when needed. Most of the either cuddling and talking about anything and everything, or on your independent phones scrolling through news feeds with him showing you all the memes he finds “You have to see this, it’s great!”

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

My Masterlist

Guys…I keep almost FORGETTING (??!?) that we are about to get an XF panel with David and Gillian (and Mitch and Chris). We are going to see a PREVIEW OF THE NEW SEASON. That’s going to be awesome. But also, we’re getting an XF panel WITH DAVID AND GILLIAN.

What excitement is in store for us? 

  • Will David again dare to go with an all-white ensemble despite Labor Day being well behind us? 
  • What stories will Gillian tell that are highly inappropriate for children, and also adults? 
  • Will Brick livetweet (or insta-snap-story or whatever you kids and dogs are doing these days) the panel? 
  • How many times will Gillian summarize the plot of an episode when asked a question about the making of the episode? 
  • What innovative ways will David find to disagree with anything implied to him in the context of a question?
  • How many questions about their favorite episode will they get? How many will be stuff like “Is CSM in the new season?” “Is Skinner in the new season?” “What time is the season premiere going to air on my Fox affiliate?”
  • How many inaccurately recalled set memories will Gillian and David delight us with, and how many of those will it be apparent that they only remember because they read about it in People magazine? 
  • Will we, at long last, be told the elusive story of the guy who fucked Mrs. Butterworth? 
  • And when, WHEN will David and Gillian finally announce that they have been cast on a celebrity season of The Amazing Race, thus fulfilling all my dreams and causing me to ascend to a higher plane of existence?

I can’t wait to find out.

Suggested questions for those lucky enough to attend the panel:

  1. Gillian’s driving. Thoughts?

  2. How’s Brick doing? (No agenda, I just want to know how Brick is doing.)

  3. So, if I’m not mistaken you guys uh, almost got eaten by a bear recently? Please elaborate

HAVE FUN, EVERYBODY!! Be safe!