how do you exist

Imagine living in a city where there are no monuments, no buildings from before 1970, no proof that you had grandparents or parents, no history at all. Wouldn’t that make you feel like you were just a passing fad, that you could be blown away like leaves?… for any community to feel substantial and able to change without losing themselves, a history is absolutely crucial.
—  Emma Donoghue, talking about LGBT history and LGBT historical fiction

White filmmakers/whiteness in Hollywood is so funnyyyy. They love inserting themselves into stories that have absolutely nothing to do with them and I bet that’s why whitewashing of all these roles happen. And why are they so intent on whitewashing Asian roles?? Like why did we need an American version of Death Note starring white people??? Who asked for Scarlett Eyebrow Raise Johansson to be the Major in Ghost in the Shell? Why are they so selfish??????

Okay buckle the fuck up because I’m pissed

Romani people exist okay? We exist, and we experience racism, and prejudice and fucking casual hatred and erasure and constant, never ending microaggressions and if you are a white activist I can almost guarantee you are not fucking helping.

Stop giving the total number of Holocaust victims as six million, it was nearly twice that. Better yet, just stop using the Holocaust as a rhetorical device in general if you’re not Jewish or Romani.

But okay fine you wanna talk about the Holocaust? Lets talk about the fucking Holocaust.

Did you know entire dialects of our language went extinct because everyone who spoke them was killed?

Did you know Romani children were the favorites of the Nazi scientists for experimentation because they were easily bribed with chocolate and toys? Josef Mengele (May he burn in every afterlife) sewed two four-year-old twin children together, back to back. Their names were Guido and Ida and their own mother had to kill them out of mercy.

Non-romani and non-Jewish people need to stop comparing what is happening to the Holocaust because guess what? You don’t understand our fear. You don’t understand how we’re feeling. I watched the fucking president sign an order to ban Muslim people from entering this country and now I cant stop having nightmares about brown triangles and fucking gas chambers.

and you do not know how this feels, you do not understand the visceral cultural memory that exists in ever Jewish and Romani person; I guarantee you do not get it.

In Mississippi you can still fine a Rom for moving to your county. Texas law refer to Prostitutes, Vagabonds and G*psies in the same breath and fines all of them $500 for existing in public. In Pennsylvania it is illegal to even be Romani without a license. A license to exist, a license to be allowed to be alive. And that’s just in the U.S, where I live. Romani children in Europe still go to segregated fucking schools

And I don’t have an Instagram anymore because I was sick of seeing white girls appropriate my culture and call themselves g*psies as if it wasn’t a slur, insisting that they just love my culture so much and yet none of them are willing to defend me against the Nazis who want to finish killing my people

I wonder if my survival will be predicated on how happy I can keep my racist white family. I wonder if they will be the ones who turn me in. I look at every white person around me insisting that we need to give Trump a chance and all can see is their backs turning on me when everything goes to shit.

I cant even go shopping without seeing t-shirt slapped with racial slurs, watching businesses being built atop my people graves, see our suffering reduced to an aesthetic, as if Romani aren’t still forcefully sterilized when they go to the hospital for cold medicine

Are you fucking listening? Do you understand what I’m telling you? I’m not a prop, im not an aesthetic, im not fucking Halloween costume, im a real actual person whose people are suffering I am so fucking sick of leftists and so-called activists who refuse to acknowledge that Romani people even exist, let alone try to, gods forbid, help us.

The only gadje I ever see defend Romani people are Jewish people. And that’s great, Jewish people thank you, but why are the only gadje who care about us getting murdered by Nazis the one’s who are also getting murdered by Nazis?

Stop talking about fucking “peaceful transitions of power” and “don’t fight hate with hate” and “if you punch Nazis you’re just as bad” stop fucking telling Jewish and Romani people they are just as bad as the monsters who fucking slaughtered millions of their people

Fucking hell I don’t even know what the point of this post is im just so fucking done with your shitty activism and your half-assed defenses and your “listen to both sides of the argument even if one side is LITERAL NAZIS” nonsense and your refusal to listen when people call you out on your bullshit im just done

family gatherings

deep get to know you questions

1. What’s one thing you would like to change about yourself? 

2. Are you religious? If yes, what is your religion? 

3. What was the best phase in your life? What was the worst phase in your life? 

4. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were little? 

5. Who is one person you would talk to about anything? 

6. Have you ever lost someone close to you? 

7. Have you every had your heart broken? Have you ever broken someone else’s heart? 

8. Do you believe in second chances? 

9. What is one thing that people always misunderstand about you? 

10. What is your biggest regret in life? 

11. What things are standing between you and complete happiness? 

12. If you lost everything important to you tomorrow, whose arms would you run to in order to make everything okay again? 

13. Does the most important person in your life know how much they mean to you? 

14. If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say to everybody? 

15. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you spend today doing? 

16. How would you describe yourself in 5 words? 

17. What opportunities have you not taken that you regretted not taking? 

18. What would you do differently if you knew that no one would judge you? 

19. If you could ask one person a single question and they had to answer 100% truthfully, who would you ask and what would you ask them? 

20. If you could start your life over, what would you do differently? 

21. Are you currently holding on to something that you need to let go of? If yes, what’s stopping you from letting go? 

22. Are you living or just existing? How do you know? 

23. What was the last thing you did that was really worth remembering? 

24. What do you want most out of life? 

25. If you had one year left to live, what would you want to do in the next 12 months? 

26. If you could get one wish to come true, what would that wish be? 

27. When you think of home, what comes to mind? 

28. What scares you the most? 

29. What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness? 

30. What did life teach you yesterday? 

31. What have you done in the past week to make someone’s life better? 

32. What makes you special? 

33. What was a time that you did not speak but you should have? 

34. Describe what you want the next five years of you life to be like in a single sentence. 

35. If you knew when and where and how you were going to die, would you life be better or worse? 

36. What would life look like for you if you never wasted another minute of it? 

37. Do you consider yourself to be the hero or the villain of you story? 

38. How much do you love yourself? 

39. What or who have you given up on? 

40. Who are you really? Deep down, who are you really? 

I noticed something about the latest episode that hasn’t really been discussed? Or at least I haven’t seen any discussion about it. Basically the possibility that just for a moment, Rose was able to talk to Steven

Listen, just like how the room Connie acted, room Rose went along with Steven, not acting like the Rose we have seen in past episodes, at least not fully. 

She maintains these half-lidded tired looking eyes as if she is not fully there and continues to behave how Steven has always dreamed she would be

Its somewhat unsettling to see these sorts of expressions in contrast to the wide eyed, expressive, excitable emotions we usually see from Rose in flashbacks. 

But then Steven said “You’re not my mom.”

“I’m not?”

We know from open book that the room basically takes all its orders and interpretations from Steven. The room Connie was going along with Steven just like rose was, until she was told not to do what Steven wanted, something that contrasted what she was supposed to be. And room Rose was told “You’re not my mom.”

So she began to act in an un-motherly way, her image becoming intimidating and a storm rising all around her.

But then, she does something room Connie wasn’t able to do. She doesn’t continue listening to Steven’s ‘order’ that she wasn’t his mom anymore. She goes on to console him.

“Steven, you know that isn’t true. In the tape I left you I told you how much I wanted to have you and let you exist, do you think what I said to you in the tape was a lie?”

Her expression seems much more alert and focused, she’s lost that ‘fake’ sort of feeling she had before. She strays away from what Steven told her, that she wasn’t his mom, something room Connie wasn’t able to do. 

This action makes it seem like just maybe, she was really able to communicate with him for a moment. That she wasn’t just a construct of the room, only able to follow orders and listen to what Steven says. 

She acts like a mother when she was told she wasn’t. You could argue that this is simply Steven knowing what he needs to hear and the room showing it to him but you cannot completely rule this theory out:

What if Rose really was able to console Steven through the room?

Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people’s lives? I’m always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they pass through a certain town. I wonder how many stories I’ve been a part of that I may have forgotten. I wonder if I still exist in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s head.
Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people’s lives? I’m always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they pass through a certain town. I wonder if I still exist in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore.
I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s head.
— 

smoke-stungeyes

6:26pm

5

On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder, that the stars peeked in to see you” happy birthday @amazingphil ! 

The Second Master List
 Have you ever considered dating yourself?
  1. Which would you choose? Being with your soulmate for 1 year and then they  die, or choosing to not meet them at all.
  2. If a prisoner (in jail) wrote a letter to you, Would you write back?
  3. If you could have a twin, Would you?
  4. If you had to give up Your arms or your legs -which would it be?
  5. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  6. If you had to pick 1 or 2 qualities that you have had since you were a child -what would they be.
  7. If you could see your death Would you want to see it?
  8. If you could lose all your memories and start fresh, would you choose to do it? Say the age you start fresh would be at 15 years old.What about at 20?
  9. Would you rather have an unrequited love for 5 years or feel no love for 5 years?
  10. Would you ever give 5 years of your life To extend the life of a grandparent?
  11. Would you rather have a father that is in jail or not know who your father is?
  12. How many more Failures can you take?
  13. If you could pick a country that most represents you, which would it be?
  14. If you could be on a dating reality TV show -would you?
  15. Would you choose to look in mirrors all day, or never look in a mirror again?
  16. What is the first thing you look at when you look at yourself in the mirror?
  17. If you could never again think one thing what would it be?
  18. If you had to be sick for the rest of your life would you choose something that kills you quickly & painfully, or bearably but slowly
  19. If you could redo your first kiss would you: a) choose to do it and b)
    1. -change the person
    2. -change your age
    3. -change the location
    4. -change your/their skill level
  20. Do you think more people like(d) you now or when you were younger?
  21. If you could change your name what would you change it to?
  22. If you could change your name what would you change it to?
  23. Have you ever been attracted to a friend’s parents?
  24. What would you do if your life was stuck on replay, and you continuously relived one day?
  25. What is something you’ve always wanted to do  but never done because it doesn’t “fit” with what people expect/are used to from you? (now consider doing it!)
  26. If anything could happen to/through your tumblr site what is the one thing you wish would?
  27. How many times have you wanted to ask someone out but haven’t done it because you *weren’t sure if your feelings were strong enough*?
  28. If you are sick and will die in 1 yr, And you found your soulmate (and they know they are as well). Would you:
    1. A)even tell them you are sick, and
      B) be with them for the year, or break up with them 
  29. What characteristic makes you attractive to the opposite sex/potential partners? (Do one physical and one personality)
  30. If you had to choose between getting married to your soulmate and continuing a super successful career -which would you choose?
  31. Would you rather settle or be alone?
  32. Have you ever questioned Your sexual orientation?
  33. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  34. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  35. Would you like to be famous? For what?
  36. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  37. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  38. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  39. Would you (do you) ever save 50% of your income?
  40. What do you think you haven’t found in a potential partner yet? Why?
  41. When something bad happens how do you deal with it?
    1. Talk to someone
    2. Think about it alone (ruminate)
    3. Ignore/suppress and distract yourself
    4. Try to fix it immediately
  42. Would you say yes to being in the body of the opposite gender for 1 year?
  43. Have you ever considered “trying out” an eating disorder?
  44. Ask a significant person in the group you are playing this game with, whether they have ever considering breaking up with you (friendship-wise or romantically), when, and why did they not.
  45. What’s the biggest sacrifice You’ve made for the person on your left (or in the room), that they haven’t acknowledged?
  46. Ask your father “How am I most like you, and how does that scare you?”
  47. Are you scared someone in the room will hurt you? Who, and in what way?
  48. If you needed to decide between two people you know, which will die  -would you want to decide, or let a stranger decide?
  49. After a long pursuit You realise someone is as keen
  50. What was your family’s attitude towards affection? How has that impacted you?
  51. Do you wish facebook didn’t exist?
  52. Think of the question you would most like answered, by a person or an all-knowing being or device. Which of the following most closely resembles the answer you’d like to hear?
    1. Without a shadow of a doubt
    2. Never
    3. You are
    4. No i didn’t
    5. I will show you everything
    6. I do
    7. Come with me
    8. Only one
    9. Yes
    10. Always
    11. You will
    12. In the distant future
  53. What do  you like most about having a child of your own? You MUST say something
  54. Is there a profession You’ve always wanted to date? (Doctor. Firefighter, military, vet etc)
  55. Among your group of friends are you one who will generally take care of and help everyone (even if you hate it)? Or are you the one who rationally thinks about it and determines whether the person actually needs help?
  56. Would you rather live in a world where you are never alone or where you are always alone
  57. If your life could be a soundtrack Which movie/tv show’s would you choose?
  58. If you could live a movie which would you choose?
  59. Has this election Made you be more interested or less interested in politics? Think carefully.
  60. Ask the person across from you Who do you think I should be with?
    1. -pick anyone
      -pick anyone from your friends
      -pick any celebrity
  61. Be honest: the person asking you these questions -If you could have their life -would you want it?
  62. When was the last time you cried? Why?
  63. Would you rather feel too much or feel nothing at all?
  64. Do you feel you are more attached to your friends, than they are to you?
  65. Which of the seven deadly sins Do you deal with the most?
  66. Within the group of people You are answering questions with, what is something you really regret that you’ve done to someone in the group.
  67. What would the title of your autobiography be?
  68. Do you have songs that you avoid because they make you feel too much? Give one example, and one feeling associated with it.
  69. If you could be an Expert in any field, which would you choose?
  70. If you could be an Expert in any field, which would you choose?
  71. Describe your ex Using one emoji
  72. What aspect do you struggle With the most, when making a new friend? (Ex: Vulnerability, time/history together, learning about them, integrating into your life etc).
  73. Do you have a hard time Integrating your friends into different aspects of your life? ( Ex work friends with family, family friends with school friends).
  74. Big spoon or little spoon? Why?
  75. In what situation do you Feel the loneliest?
  76. What is something you Believe your parents dislike about you?
  77. Do you feel That the way you look right now represents who you are/how you feel?
  78. Choose between being able To make people very happy vs. Never hurting them. Which would you choose?
  79. What made you start Your Tumblr blog?
  80. Have you ever wished For a disorder or disability? (Or considered it)
  81. Choose. Between perpetrator and victim.
  82. Do you feel Like you’ve reached your peak?
  83. How much of your time Do you spend thinking about romance?
  84. Have people pointed out Your biggest insecurity, or have you never talked about it with anyone (positively or negatively)?
  85. Alternate to 101:
    1.  i.  Did you generate your insecurity, or was it something you  developed over time based off of other people’s comments
  86. If you were in a group of best friends; Are you the:
    1. A) ring leader 
    2. B) the groupie
    3. C) the lone wolf
    4. D) the drifter

Believe me when I tell you that I could go on forever about you

You yourself are infinite

From the way that you do things to the way that you are and how you exist

It’s as if the universe taught you to be one with the stars and move with the flow of the Earth

Cosmic energy spilling from your fingertips, leaving trails of stardust on everything that you touch, including myself