how do you exist!!!!

Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people’s lives? I’m always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they pass through a certain town. I wonder how many stories I’ve been a part of that I may have forgotten. I wonder if I still I exist in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s head.

Imagine living in a city where there are no monuments, no buildings from before 1970, no proof that you had grandparents or parents, no history at all. Wouldn’t that make you feel like you were just a passing fad, that you could be blown away like leaves?… for any community to feel substantial and able to change without losing themselves, a history is absolutely crucial.
—  Emma Donoghue, talking about LGBT history and LGBT historical fiction

White filmmakers/whiteness in Hollywood is so funnyyyy. They love inserting themselves into stories that have absolutely nothing to do with them and I bet that’s why whitewashing of all these roles happen. And why are they so intent on whitewashing Asian roles?? Like why did we need an American version of Death Note starring white people??? Who asked for Scarlett Eyebrow Raise Johansson to be the Major in Ghost in the Shell? Why are they so selfish??????

Okay buckle the fuck up because I’m pissed

Romani people exist okay? We exist, and we experience racism, and prejudice and fucking casual hatred and erasure and constant, never ending microaggressions and if you are a white activist I can almost guarantee you are not fucking helping.

Stop giving the total number of Holocaust victims as six million, it was nearly twice that. Better yet, just stop using the Holocaust as a rhetorical device in general if you’re not Jewish or Romani.

But okay fine you wanna talk about the Holocaust? Lets talk about the fucking Holocaust.

Did you know entire dialects of our language went extinct because everyone who spoke them was killed?

Did you know Romani children were the favorites of the Nazi scientists for experimentation because they were easily bribed with chocolate and toys? Josef Mengele (May he burn in every afterlife) sewed two four-year-old twin children together, back to back. Their names were Guido and Ida and their own mother had to kill them out of mercy.

Non-romani and non-Jewish people need to stop comparing what is happening to the Holocaust because guess what? You don’t understand our fear. You don’t understand how we’re feeling. I watched the fucking president sign an order to ban Muslim people from entering this country and now I cant stop having nightmares about brown triangles and fucking gas chambers.

and you do not know how this feels, you do not understand the visceral cultural memory that exists in ever Jewish and Romani person; I guarantee you do not get it.

In Mississippi you can still fine a Rom for moving to your county. Texas law refer to Prostitutes, Vagabonds and G*psies in the same breath and fines all of them $500 for existing in public. In Pennsylvania it is illegal to even be Romani without a license. A license to exist, a license to be allowed to be alive. And that’s just in the U.S, where I live. Romani children in Europe still go to segregated fucking schools

And I don’t have an Instagram anymore because I was sick of seeing white girls appropriate my culture and call themselves g*psies as if it wasn’t a slur, insisting that they just love my culture so much and yet none of them are willing to defend me against the Nazis who want to finish killing my people

I wonder if my survival will be predicated on how happy I can keep my racist white family. I wonder if they will be the ones who turn me in. I look at every white person around me insisting that we need to give Trump a chance and all can see is their backs turning on me when everything goes to shit.

I cant even go shopping without seeing t-shirt slapped with racial slurs, watching businesses being built atop my people graves, see our suffering reduced to an aesthetic, as if Romani aren’t still forcefully sterilized when they go to the hospital for cold medicine

Are you fucking listening? Do you understand what I’m telling you? I’m not a prop, im not an aesthetic, im not fucking Halloween costume, im a real actual person whose people are suffering I am so fucking sick of leftists and so-called activists who refuse to acknowledge that Romani people even exist, let alone try to, gods forbid, help us.

The only gadje I ever see defend Romani people are Jewish people. And that’s great, Jewish people thank you, but why are the only gadje who care about us getting murdered by Nazis the one’s who are also getting murdered by Nazis?

Stop talking about fucking “peaceful transitions of power” and “don’t fight hate with hate” and “if you punch Nazis you’re just as bad” stop fucking telling Jewish and Romani people they are just as bad as the monsters who fucking slaughtered millions of their people

Fucking hell I don’t even know what the point of this post is im just so fucking done with your shitty activism and your half-assed defenses and your “listen to both sides of the argument even if one side is LITERAL NAZIS” nonsense and your refusal to listen when people call you out on your bullshit im just done

I am so sick and tired of white Canadians trying to defend themselves by saying that because they aren’t personally racist, there’s no race issue in Canada, when, in the next sentence, they’ll go on to tell indigenous peoples to “get over” what’s happened to us and that the government should cut off funding to us because all we do is waste it and beg for more… the reason indigenous peoples in Canada are protesting is because we want the same chances and the same basic human respect that other Canadians have. Indigenous peoples can’t even put a tipi up on Parliament Hill alongside “official” Canada Day celebrations because that offends all the white people who don’t think they have anything to do with the ongoing colonization of these lands and don’t want to be reminded of it. Let me lay it down for you:

Whether your family came here 1 or 5 generations ago, you have access to opportunities that indigenous Canadians will never get access to

you will have a home with clean drinking water, which over 100 indigenous communities in Canada do not have access to

you will have access to healthcare and education for yourselves or your children, which many indigenous children do not have access to

you will have the opportunity to integrate into Canadian society, which many indigenous peoples do not

Your existence on these lands is at the expense of indigenous peoples. The system was created to protect and provide for you, and not us. You came into these resources at the expense of our wellbeing. And all we want is to be heard. We want equal opportunities that were stolen from us YEARS ago that YOU benefit from to this day by the simple act of existing. We’re not asking to take opportunities away from you, we’re not asking to send you back where you came from. We’re literally just asking to be treated as equals.  

I exist. Outside of being your mother, your wife, your sister, your daughter, I exist. I exist as a human first, as a being that experiences joy and suffering, beauty and learning, life and tragedy. I exist because the universe chose to put me here for a purpose higher than my relation to men. I exist because the stars died to give me life and planet blood runs through my veins. So the problem is not my existence. The problem is how you perceive it as so small, you do not believe I can exist at all apart from my bonds with men.
—  Nikita Gill, From “The Moon Dragon and Other Feminist Fairytales”

family gatherings

anonymous asked:

Do I really have to exist

i am not god; i sometimes think about how much doesn’t have to exist, myself included. it’s a problem i find a lot. i don’t feel necessary.

but then, neither is my dog. he is a sheepdog with no sheep. he has nightmares a lot. his purpose is moot.

one of my cats only eats bugs. he won’t catch mice. for an obligate carnivore, he loves moths.

is it required that i or you or anyone else exists. maybe not. but i kind of think of it as a small miracle. you do exist. despite how scientifically improbable it was for you to be created, you were. and something in that is beautiful, you know? the universe needed eyes to watch all these unnecessary things it created. you don’t spend hours on your sim house just to put no people in it. does a house require people to exist? no. but it does require people to be a home.

i know the world demands you Fulfill Thine Divine Purpose. i think that’s kind of bogus. you don’t have to be useful or valuable or exceptional to be worth something. my dog is worth so much to me. the idea that he’s not necessary is silly to me.

yes, i know. life goes on when people leave. true, and true indeed. i think about that a lot. but i also know that my sister’s cat goes to check to see if she’s home every night, and she’s been gone for months. 

grand scheme? who knows. but the truth is that other people need you because you help them feel like they exist with purpose. maybe you haven’t met the right people yet. i felt strongly in senior year of high school that nothing i did mattered - after all, i had no friends. i was bullied. if i died, it would make zero difference. and maybe it would have. maybe the gap would have filled after me. maybe my cat would learn that i was gone, that nobody was coming. maybe my mom would foster a new daughter. who knows. i’m not god.

but i do know if i didn’t exist. if i had taken myself off the table because i didn’t have to exist…. i wouldn’t be here talking to you and all of my new friends here. i wouldn’t tell you that, since you’re here, you might as well enjoy the rest of the things that shouldn’t exist. televisions are sound and image boxes. music and art and dance and writing don’t have to exist, but they do because they bring us joy, fill us with harmony. airplanes are godless flight machines and if god wanted us off the ground he would have given us wings.

airplanes were someone saying “this doesn’t have to exist, but i want it to.”  and i want you to exist because it’s worth it. it’s worth it for the dog you might adopt or the tattoo you might get or skinny dipping or writing songs or planting a garden. all things in life that won’t exist without you, that won’t happen without you around to make them happen. that need you to exist so they can exist too. 

please stay on this earth. i can’t force you, i can’t offer you a promise that the world ever stops hurting. but i can say that somewhere, to someone, you matter. and you matter to me, because you exist, because you reached out to me, because you have a question that i ask myself daily. 

here’s my suggestion. when i’m at the point that the rope has a stronger pull than the art of the world, i make myself count the things that are good, and didn’t have to exist, but do. libraries. books. bath bombs. me and you. because i know we can be a force for good, you and i. somewhere on some level we can help others or just help ourselves and that’s…. good. and i think, really, in this universe that loves entropy, yes, absolutely, we need you. we need the good you can do. and we need you. or, at least: i do.

deep get to know you questions

1. What’s one thing you would like to change about yourself? 

2. Are you religious? If yes, what is your religion? 

3. What was the best phase in your life? What was the worst phase in your life? 

4. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were little? 

5. Who is one person you would talk to about anything? 

6. Have you ever lost someone close to you? 

7. Have you every had your heart broken? Have you ever broken someone else’s heart? 

8. Do you believe in second chances? 

9. What is one thing that people always misunderstand about you? 

10. What is your biggest regret in life? 

11. What things are standing between you and complete happiness? 

12. If you lost everything important to you tomorrow, whose arms would you run to in order to make everything okay again? 

13. Does the most important person in your life know how much they mean to you? 

14. If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say to everybody? 

15. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you spend today doing? 

16. How would you describe yourself in 5 words? 

17. What opportunities have you not taken that you regretted not taking? 

18. What would you do differently if you knew that no one would judge you? 

19. If you could ask one person a single question and they had to answer 100% truthfully, who would you ask and what would you ask them? 

20. If you could start your life over, what would you do differently? 

21. Are you currently holding on to something that you need to let go of? If yes, what’s stopping you from letting go? 

22. Are you living or just existing? How do you know? 

23. What was the last thing you did that was really worth remembering? 

24. What do you want most out of life? 

25. If you had one year left to live, what would you want to do in the next 12 months? 

26. If you could get one wish to come true, what would that wish be? 

27. When you think of home, what comes to mind? 

28. What scares you the most? 

29. What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness? 

30. What did life teach you yesterday? 

31. What have you done in the past week to make someone’s life better? 

32. What makes you special? 

33. What was a time that you did not speak but you should have? 

34. Describe what you want the next five years of you life to be like in a single sentence. 

35. If you knew when and where and how you were going to die, would you life be better or worse? 

36. What would life look like for you if you never wasted another minute of it? 

37. Do you consider yourself to be the hero or the villain of you story? 

38. How much do you love yourself? 

39. What or who have you given up on? 

40. Who are you really? Deep down, who are you really? 

Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people’s lives? I’m always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they pass through a certain town. I wonder how many stories I’ve been a part of that I may have forgotten. I wonder if I still exist in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s head.