[Update] No Imagine
I know I said I would have an imagine up today or sometime tomorrow, but I haven’t even started, and now I lost the drive to do that no thanks to a sudden upset that happened last night. I feel cornered and like I am not sure how or what is considered ‘too taboo’ to respond to when it comes to my asks, as I don’t want to upset this person again; especially when they went so far as to threaten to delete their blog and sever the main thing we use to talk to one another.
All I can say is, I had to get used to these acts—I had to get used to feeling used, walked on, cheated, used as a platform to get somebody’s OC/Canon ideas more likes and views, stolen from in terms of headcanons and stuff I already touched upon in my imagines for people to garnish more praise and notes on their own blog—it’s not fun, no, but if I didn’t bury my head in the sand in regards to most of it, I would have left months ago.
To be honest with you, this is why I don’t surf the Jacob
Frye tag on Tumblr. This is why I never go out of my way to look at art or
fanfics of him, because I just don’t want something to upset me. I’ve even had
to go out of my way to name block on my savior somebody in this fandom who
upset me way before they even watched me, and now that their name is nearly
everywhere and nearly on everything Jacob Frye, I just cannot even watch some
people because of it—I envy you folks for being able to see the good in this
person; I truly do, but every time I see them, I just seethe with anger given
the selfish vibe I get from them daily. Since it is not their fault (entirely),
I just make sure never to bother them, but I still treat them with respect when
they come to me.
All the same, it’s made being in this fandom SUPER hard because of them—mainly them, because of their actions and how they flip-flop from one thing to the next just to get likes, praise, and admiration. It’s a drug, I get it, but don’t use me, my thoughts, and my fics as a reference sheet for these things.
Also, people are just running out of ideas when it comes to Jacob Frye. I’ve recycled some of my own thoughts into love letters and sexual scenes, and some people treat it like it is new. They see ‘Jacob Frye’, and they forget what they’ve already seen 95% of the time, I feel (but then there are those that just make an interesting twist on it, so I guess it is easy to see it as ‘new’).
But, in every fandom I’ve been apart of, I’ve been stolen from in some fashion. Hell, I had a comic book idea of mine stolen from some guy in the UK back in 2004 when I was trying to work on it to be published (but the ideas were stale and my artwork and writing sucked back then, so I don’t count it a major loss—just a lesson not to show too much of my original work).
Yes, this fandom can suck—but there are people here that make it worthwhile, and I guess I was hoping to this person, I was one of them. It brought me to tears to see them think otherwise in their actions. They were and always will be the main reason I ever bothered to stay here.
If they left, I would lose their kind support and everything they’ve done for me. It was why I threatened to delete my blog in return if they did theirs. I just wouldn’t see a reason to continue without them, so I pray they reconsider their actions.
If not, well…I’m at a loss.
I will be working on mostly angsty things—artwork and, possibly, The Clockwork Soldier. There’s a scene in my head that’s been there wanting to get out, and it’s depressing enough to let me get my emotions through it.