how do they expect me to live

  • someone: you were pretty good at that thing, why'd you stop doing it?
  • me internally: I get extremely anxious when I think about doing something I might possibly succeed at because I base my self-worth on my achievements and other people's approval, I am afraid because I know I will never be able to live up to my own unrealistic expectations, I hate making mistakes because they make me feel worthless, I take negative feedback too personally, I feel immense guilt over not doing things that I've been avoiding which just makes me avoid them more, I feel ashamed and inadequate due to how difficult it is for me to stay committed to anything, I'm worried that I'll just end up disappointing myself and the entire world, and I am convinced that if I failed I would literally die.
  • me externally: idk i guess i've just been kinda busy lol

I’m telling you

to not hit your kids

to not spank or slap or punch or lash them

because it fucking traumatizes them

if you can’t handle irritation

if you can’t handle hyperactivity and loudness and wildness of a new human in development who is figuring out how their body works and what they can do and what they want to do

then what the fuck did you expect a child is

did you have kids with expectations of “oh i’ll have a small human i’ll be able to control completely”

“oh i’ll be able to shape this small creature into whatever I want it to be”

“oh I’ll have someone to support me and to work for me and pay for itself”

“oh I’ll have someone to comfort me and to love me despite my manipulative and cruel nature because they depend on me”

“oh I’ll be able to live the life I couldn’t through this new human that I made for myself who should listen to me always”

then fucking change all of these expectations to “I have chosen to help a new human to grow into whatever they’re supposed to be and I WILL NOT MESS WITH THEIR DEVELOPMENT TO SATISFY MY PERSONAL NEEDS”

If you can’t just fucking cherish that you have someone’s complete trust and affection and that you can watch them grow and figure everything, that you can follow through their phases and support them and be damn proud of them when they become what they want to be

then you’re not a parent material

stop fucking up your kids lives to make yourself feel better

asshole.

Mac Demarco asks
  • Ode to Viceroy: Are you a smoker?
  • My Kind of Woman: Whats your 'type'?
  • Still Together: How long is/was your longest relationship?
  • Salad Days: Would you describe yourself as an easy going person?
  • Blue Boy: Are you more of an internally anxious person or externally anxious person?
  • Goodbye Weekend: Do you feel you struggle to live up to your own expectations?
  • Chamber of Reflection: Do you like being alone?
  • A Heart like Hers: Do you think love changes a person?
  • Let my Baby Stay: Do you think long distance relationships work?
  • Passing out Pieces: Do you think you spread yourself too thin?
  • Without Me: Are you friendly with your exes?
  • them: hey u should do this thing I think you'd be really good at it
  • me: I don't want to, sorry
  • them: *disappointed*
  • me, in my head: YOU FUCKED UP!!! YOU FUCKED UP!!!! YOU FUCKED UP!!!!!! YOU FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKED UP!!!
Arranged Marriage Starters

“You’re not what I was expecting.”

“I’m not going through with this and you can’t make me.”

“Look, I’m not any happier about this than you are, but why don’t we try and make this work.”

“We don’t have to be in love, but maybe we could be friends.”

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting someone who looked like you do.”

“Arranged marriages are weird. All your life you’re told not to talk to strangers and then you’re asked to sleep with one.”

“I can sleep on the couch if you prefer.”

“How am I supposed to live with them when I love someone else?”

“You’re making me marry THEM?”

“Don’t you touch me.”

“It’s my parents. They’ve arranged me to marry someone else.”

“So how much was my life worth to you?”

“Uh… I know we don’t really have a choice, but will you marry me?”

“Why don’t we go pick out a ring together?”

“This doesn’t have to be forever. If it doesn’t work out we can always get a divorce.”

“Listen, my parents paid for you. You’re my property now.”

“Let’s start simple. What’s your favorite color?”

“The only reason I need you is make sure that my bloodline has an heir.”

“I will never love you.”

  • Us: Hey, uh, people like deserve to live.
  • Them: Actually you don't deserve to live and here's exactly why you living would not benefit our society and it's actually selfish of you to act like everyone deserve to live. And now let me open up this PowerPoint on why you are subhuman and don't deserve anything.
  • Us: Okay fuck off and literally do not talk to us again.
  • Some anon: Oh my god you guys are so rude. You know that is NOT the way to approach people you are having a debate with. You're supposed to treat your fellow human being with respect and you're just being ridiculous, honestly. How do you ever expect people to feel safe enough to talk to you if you just treat people like shit? Take a look in the mirror next time, you're supposed to love everybody!
I am not a people’s person
I live on my own accord
I don’t really care about anybody else most of the time
But I get hurt when they don’t care about me
Half the time I don’t even realise that I hurt someone
And many times I do it on purpose
Expecting them to be okay with it
I expect them to come back to me
To be with me the way they have always been
Even after hurting them
I know it is selfish and I know I am selfish
But that is how I have always been
There is no changing me
—  What I mean when I say that I am not a nice person // JustScribbledWords
Being really alone means being free from anticipation. Even to know that something is going to happen, that I am required to do something is an intrusion on the emptiness I am after. What I love to see is an empty diary, pages and pages of nothing planned. A date, an arrangement, is a point in the future when something is required of me. I begin to worry about it days, sometimes weeks ahead. Just a haircut, a hospital visit, a dinner party. Going out. The weight of the thing-that-is-going-to-happen sits on my heart and crushes the present into non-existence. My ability to live in the here and now depends on not having any plans, on there being no expected interruption. I have no other way to do it. How can you be alone, properly alone, if you know someone is going to knock at the door in five hours, or tomorrow morning, or you have to get ready and go out in three days’ time? I can’t abide the fracturing of the present by the intrusion of a planned future.
—  Jenny Diski, from “On Spiders and Respect for Sheep,” Trying to Keep Still
A Summary of the GPF 2016 Men's SP

Overall thoughts/reactions:

Javi is a #ninja and can defy the laws of physics

Patrick’s SP was cleaner than Mr. Clean’s Dry Eraser

Shoma my precious son :’(

I hope Shoma isn’t hurt or disappointed I just want my smol son to be happy

Nathan…just…let’s hope for a better FS????

Adam deserved better™

#justiceforadamrippon


Yuzuru thoughts/reactions:

YUZURU HANYU!!!¡¡11

YUZU BACK WITH THOSE MAD QUADS

Forgetting how to breathe for his entire SP

I’ve ascended

106!!!!

Yuzu is #unimpressed by his score

That quad loop™

Yuzu and Pooh interactions :))))))))

Brian being Brian


Best part:
The B. Esp commentators

Final thoughts:
In Jin Boyang we trust

Do you remember when we were younger, the cool things to have were those water pens that magically changed black and white cardboard into colorful artworks? We knew what to expect of the picture, since it was outlined in black and white, but it was still astonishing. And we had no idea how it came to be? Well, I think you’re my water pen. I knew what life could be like without you, and I was okay living it by myself. But then you wormed your way into my life, and you showed me color where I saw black and white. You made me see images in the clouds again. You made me see color. I knew they were there before, but now I appreciate them. I see color in a black-and-white world. I see beauty and creativity in a season that, four years ago, I saw blandness and despair. You gave my world color; you are my super cool water pen.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1176

Emma: I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Regina. I’m not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.

Regina: And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we’ll just figure this whole thing out. And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And… and… c'mon, Emma, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?

Emma: Yes. To all of the above. Except you don’t have to cry hysterically.

Regina: [With tears in her eyes] Oh, yes I do.

~ make up memes/starters ~

  • i missed everything about you.
  • can i come over so we can talk?
  • your friends called and told me how hard you’ve been taking it.
  • please take me back.
  • i won’t mess up this time.
  • let me kiss you from head to toe, i’m not going anywhere this time.
  • i can forgive you but i don’t think i can forget.
  • i just couldn’t live without you.
  • how do you expect things to just go back to normal.
  • you have no idea how hard it was to stay away from you.
  • have you already forgotten how good we used to be together? 
  • i promise - i’ll never leave you again.
  • leaving you was the hardest thing i ever had to do.
  • i’ll tell you every day that i’m sorry if that’s what you need. 
  • life isn’t worth living without you.
  • i saw your face everywhere i went.
  • i was miserable without you.
  • you made me a better person. 
  • how are we just supposed to forget everything that happened? 
  • unloving you was the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

My dad is so weird about some things. Our fights are over the stupidest shit.

We heat our house with wood. We always have. In the living room is a fireplace, and in the basement we have a wood stove. The stove pumps hot air throughout the house and keeps it at a barely-tolerable temperature through the winter. I’ve lived here my whole life and have been building fires for warmth for as long as I can remember. I’ve built cooking fires, bonfires, campfires, fires in the fireplace, fires in the stove… I spent all summer and fall teaching children how to build fires. I know how to build a fire!

Somehow that’s not good enough for my dad. I went into the basement to get the stove running and he followed me down “to observe” and “make sure you’re doing it right”. I asked him if there was some secret trick he expected me to know but wouldn’t tell me, and he just shrugged. “I don’t know what you know,” he said.

Cue a heated argument about whether or not it’s disrespectful and condescending to doubt your son’s competence at something he’s been doing all his life, for no reason except paranoia and possessiveness over the role of fire-builder.

Which is a thing… I don’t know if it’s some kind of ancient heritage, but it really seems like “people who can build fires” instinctively distrust each other to do it right and constantly meddle with the construction of a fire.

I hate doing this. It kills me to keep posting about this, but every time I feel like I get ahead, I’m dragged right back to the starting line. Like I always say, if you’re broke as shit like me or struggling in any way, please don’t feel obligated to donate or commission me. The last thing I want to do is put someone in my position.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but my mom (who I unfortunately have to live with) owes me a lot of money. I’m talking upwards of $3,000 here. She uses me for money and rarely pays me back, which is how I find myself in my current situation – $140 overdue on my credit card, $393 overdrawn on my debit card (thanks to her). On the debit card, I expect it to go well past $400 because she put my card down for another bill and it declined the payment, so I’m going to get charged a fee for that. On top of that, she just told me our internet/cable is going to get shut off because she didn’t pay the bill (I keep telling her to ditch the cable and just keep the internet, but she’s selfishly wanting to keep the cable because she likes watching television). 

So now I have to take matters into my own hands. I’ve started signing up for all sorts of online survey websites, hoping to make some money, but it’s a slow grind and only getting me so far. That’s why I’m offering commissions or taking donations (for those who can’t afford commissions but still want to help out with a couple bucks). 

If you want a fic commission, here’s the information!

If a fic commission is too much and you just want to donate a couple bucks, my Paypal is ashlynn.armendariz@gmail.com!

I hate asking for stuff like this, because I feel bad and guilty, but until I can find a job, I need to rely on commissions. I’m going to start looking for a job soon too, and just have to put school on the backburner for now. My mom keeps telling me education is important, but since she’s not working, one of us has to make ends meet and I can’t wait around for her to do that. The problem is that not many people in my area are hiring, but I’ve gotta give it a shot.

And I’m sorry for dumping all of this on y’all. It’s just getting worse over on my end and I don’t really know what to do other than take commissions and see if I can at least cover my bank account. 

3

This is how long it took me to call my senators and representative (Wicker, Cochran, and Harper of Mississippi) about Steve Bannon on Tuesday and Jeff Sessions today. 

Do you have phone anxiety? I do, too. Here’s what to expect: a very courteous staffer will answer. You ask to leave a message. They ask for your name and sometimes where you live. Then you state your message, and the staffer thanks you. That’s it. You don’t have to argue with anyone. There’s no discussion. 

Please take a few minutes (literally) out of your day to contact your representatives in Washington. This is important. This is EASY. This requires less time and effort than putting a safety pin on your shirt, and it is real action.

PS. Be kind and polite to the staffers.

Guzma's Abuse (Discussion/Theory/Headcanon)

So, everyone that I know is all about the fact that Guzma was abused by his father when he was younger. And I know that people support the theory greatly. And yes, I am one of those people. Remember, I’m not forcing this on anyone, these are just my own thoughts and ideas that have that contributes to this. If you do not support this well, more power to you.

1. Guzma was beaten by his father, due to the fact that his father was a golfer.
-Now I know this sounds dumb but hear me out. What if Guzma’s father was a Pro Golfer and wanted Guzma to live up to his expectations and wanted Guzma to be a Pro Golfer like him.
-This explains how you find broken and bent golf clubs in the game. Maybe Guzma was absolute trash at golfing and his father always got angry at him.
-Kahili, part of the Elite Four, is a golfer. I headcanon her as Guzma’s sister. After Guzma ran away from home, Kahili wanted to please her father to live up his expectations and then became a pro golfer.

2. Guzma’s relationship with Kahili.
-Kahili is Guzma’s older sister. (This is a headcanon)
-This explains the fact that Kahili is a flying type user and has an advantage over Guzma, who uses bug types.
-They have similar hair color. (Just thought this was useful.)

3. Guzma’s relationship with Golisopod.
-Guzma was really into bug catching when he was younger.
-His first Pokémon was a Wimpod, which eventually evolved into a Golisopod.
-Pay attention to Wimpod’s and Golisopod’s ability. Wimp out, and emergency exit. Wimp out can be a metaphor for Guzma’s being a real wimp and is always running from his problems with his father. Emergency Exit for when he ran away from his abusive household.

4. Guzma’s relationship with his parents.
-Guzma always wanted to be the best for his parents. His father never recognize him trying his best.
-When Guzma’s father got angry with him, he would always pull his hair and yell, “GUZMA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” also involving hitting him at the back of his head. The most sensitive part of the skull.
-His mother and sister couldn’t do anything about it since they didn’t want to face his father’s wrath.

5. Guzma in general.
-Whenever he loses, he always pull his hair and yell the phrase: “GUZMA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”. Mimicking his father since some abuse victims uses the abuser feels like it’s right. (I know I do this a lot.)
-He’s always slouching since he always looks down on himself and hangs his head in shame.
-Guzma gets panic attacks and flashbacks whenever someone touches him, he spazzes because he thinks someone’s going to hurt him somehow.
-He named the gang, “Team Skull” because his father would always hit him at the back of his head.
-Over the years of abuse, the abuse victim becomes the abuser. This contributes to the fact that he’s such a big bully towards everyone else and he doesn’t like you, the player.
-The player acts like a friend they you vent to, or that pillow you beat up whenever you’re angry so you can let it all out. Guzma is so full of anger and hate that he can only let it out on you since you let him do so.

Well, that’s all I have to say really. I just really love it how Pokémon puts these kinds of things in the game so everyone can relate to. Including myself. Also, if Guzma ever becomes a dad. He swears that he will never become the abusive monster his father was. He’s also afraid to be like his dad amongst his children or to anyone he loves in general.

Fixing the Broken (Part 2)

Originally posted by tonyscap

Summary: Lance and Y/N are going through a divorce, but can their son change the route of the future?

Let me know what you think!

Part 1 

Lance spent the next week with the paper work that you left him with. Getting a divorce was harder than he had expected. It was finally Sunday which meant James got to sleep with his father. Lance’s friend whom he was temporarily living with was gone for the night.  He avoided doing paper work around his son just so they could spend some quality time together. You still haven’t decided who was taking the custody or how it was going to work out but one thing Lance knew was that he could not survive without his son.

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Everything was going fucking fine until he just up and kissed me out of nowhere. He’s not even bent, Ginny. Obviously. I asked him if he was sure that was what he wanted to do, and he said no. How did you fucking stand him?”

Ginny snorted at him and leaned back on the couch. “He might be a little bent, Draco. He’s been mooning over you for ages, even if he didn’t know that was what he was doing.” She paused to take a drink for herself, then leaned back and regarded him curiously. “What is it you’re expecting from him, if he is sure?”

Draco scowled. “How should I know?” he asked. “It’s me and Potter. There’s nothing about either of us that makes any of it a good idea, and that’s fucking terrifying because we already live together. I’m stuck in the house with him, and he’s doing shit like kissing me before he even knows what he wants to do.”

“But what do you want to do? You can’t expect him to know if you don’t.”

She had a point, and it was completely infuriating. He glared at her for it, and he was annoyed that she laughed. “It’s not funny.”

Ginny leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder. “It’s a little funny. Draco Malfoy is in Ron and Hermione Weasley’s living room, bitching about how Harry Potter isn’t sure if he wants to love him or not. Snape is rolling in his grave.
—  The Thrill of the Hunt by penwyn
#7 - “Watch me”

Sum: Shawn and Y/N are fighting and Y/N decides that enough is enough.

Words: 747


Originally posted by bottomoftheoceanworld

“No! Don’t you dare blame this on me, Shawn!”

 "Well, what do you expect me to do?“

 "I don’t know, trust me maybe?!" 

"How am I suppose to? Tell me, Y/N, because I am DYING to know!”

This argument had been going for at least 30 minutes now. The day had started out perfectly. Your best friend, Ashton, had just come home from living across the world and you hadn’t seen each other in years. Ash asked you to grab a coffee which you gladly accepted.

The thing was that fans had spotted you hugging and kissing cheeks and the tweets spread rumors faster than a lightning. Of course Shawn had seen the pictures and was by now furious.

“Because he is my best friend and I would never do anything to hurt you.” You responded with a loud voice. Shawn snorted and folded his arms over his chest. 

“Shawn, you meet hundreds of girls each day and you never hear me complaining when you kiss their cheeks.”

“That’s a whole different thing, Y/N.”

“But it isn’t!” You argued and crossed your arms over your chest as you took a step closer to him.

“Yeah it is! My job includes meeting fans. It’s pretty much my duty to make them happy. Without them I am nothing.”

“What about my happiness?” You mumbled and looked down on your feet. In the corner of your eyes you saw how Shawn frowned confused and rolled his eyes.

“What about it?” He simply answered.

“How do think I’m feeling when you go off touring, sometimes being away for over 6 months?” 

He stood silent.

“How do you think I’m doing? It’s not like I’m having sex with each guy I see just because you’re not home and I feel alone. Shawn, I wait for you to come home because I love you.”

Shawn snorted and rolled his eyes once again. 

“Why should I believe what you’re saying? Who knows, maybe you’ve been sleeping around. Maybe you’ve been a stupid groupie all this time? Maybe, each time I’m in the studio, Ashton comes here and fucks you behind my back?”

Outch. 

Those words hit you like knives stabbing you over and over again. How could he say that? You would never, ever do such thing. You thought he knew that. 

You just glared at him with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. You felt like crying, but not in front of Shawn. No, he didn’t deserve your tears.

Suddenly his face turned around as he just realized what he said. 

“N-no, Y/N I didn’t—" 

"Save it.” You interrupted him and turned around to grab your bag on the floor. You couldn’t stay anymore.

“Where are you going?” He asked with a voice of panic. You stood up straight and swung your bag over you shoulder and looked at your boyfriend. 

“Not your concern. I’m surprised you even care.” You muttered and grabbed your converse to put them on.

“But it is my concern!” You gave him an angry glare and ignored him. Now he cares? About time.

 "Y/N, don’t you dare. Don’t you dare walk out on me.“ He said and glared at you with a clenched jaw. You took a few deep breaths before you turned around and headed for the door. 

"Watch me, superstar.”

You were about to open the door when a hand quickly smashed the door close again. You caught your breath and jumped around to see Shawn standing only a few inches away from your face with his hands pressed against the door to hold it close. You opened your mouth to scream at him, but no words came out.

“Don’t go.” Shawn husky muttered and looked into your Y/EC eyes with such desperation. You didn’t have an answer. You just looked into his brown eyes and felt yourself drowning in them.

“I-I—”

Suddenly he crashed his lips on yours which made you catch your breath in surprise. He pressed you up against the door even more and held his hands on your hips. You started to relax and kissed him back which made him squeeze your hips even more.

After a few seconds he slowly pulled back and rested his forehead against yours as you both breathed each other in.

“Stay. Please. I love you.” He raspy whispered. You gulped hard before nodding your head slowly.

 "I’m not going anywhere.“


\ REQUESTS ARE OPEN //

MASTERLIST

anonymous asked:

Okay, but tell us what would have cedric's character done had he lived. Do you have any alternative universe in mind?

ok this is probs definitely gonna a bit hedric-y but what else would u expect from me…

cedric lives - idk how let’s ignore that minor detail for now, pettigrew doesn’t cast a killing curse it’s something else, something  powerful and horrible but not necessarily fatal and idk who cares basically he lives 

harry still brings his body back but only it’s his unconscious body not his dead one and he gets taken to the hospital wing. and when he comes to he sees cho and his parents and they tell him what happened, that he got injured in the maze. they tell him “potter’s gone mad, the poor boy - keeps saying you-know-who is back” and cedric thinks. ok he doesn’t wanna believe it, it can’t be true…but ??? it makes sense. that portkey wasn’t part of the task and that thing in pettigrew’s arms…voldemort….he can’t be back right??but then his family leave and dumbledore comes to see him and they don’t say anything for a bit until cedric asks if it’s true and when dumbledore tells him about the order he signs up immediately because of course he does he’s cedric-too-good-for-this-world-diggory 

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