So hiya, yeah I’ve been inactive again for a while ^ ^; But reasons! Last weekend, I went to visit my lovely friend @reallyquantum, pictured with me in the last photo. It’d been a while since I visited anyone so it was a real treat, we had a really girly weekend shopping at malls, went to SPX, saw Ghostbusters again, her mom was amazing, and also the highlight: my first Renaissance Fest!
I threw together an outfit from stuff I had at home and rushed to make myself a matching elf crown and necklace thingy (I made reallyquantum’s back in college) which turned out a bit fancier than expected >.>; I got a lot of compliments which made me really happy, since I haven’t worn anything cool to a con-like event in a really long time ^ ^ The back, not pictured, is the fanciest part so I’ll try to post pictures of that later.
“Now I know I’ve got a heart, because it’s breaking”(L. Frank Baum “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”)
First born. Big brother. Orphan. The righteous man (who broke in hell). Michael’s true vessel. Bearer of the mark of Cain. The tin man… That didn’t make it… None of these aspects and labels will matter in the end. What will matter is the person underneath. The person Dean is at his core. The person he is at heart. His true self. He lost sight of that person bit by bit. With every step he took further down the rabbit hole. But just because it might be hard to find your way back into the light with no focal point and it might be hard to hear it over all the other noise, doesn’t mean it’s lost. Cause…
“…a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others” (L. Frank Baum “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”)
And that will be the key. Because Dean loves. Fiercely. Passionately. And yes, sadly even in unhealthy proportions. But in the end it is one of his most beautiful assets. His ability to love. Even if fucking up. Even if flawed as hell. Even if making the worst decisions. This is his magic: Love. The problem is, that he cannot love himself. Cannot see, all there is to love and value. But one day he will. Because even if Dean was unable to see it for the longest time in his life, even though the way ahead of him is darker than it’s probably ever been, even though the journey to recovery and healing will be long, this is what will bring him back in the end. His heart. It might have been broken. Shattered to pieces. It might have been bent. Twisted out of shape. It might have gone missing. Seemingly impossible to find. But I’m sure, if he listens close enough, he can still hear it. Thump thump. Thump thump. The beating. Maybe weak. Maybe fainting. Maybe oh so soft. But still calling out to him. To come back. It’s not yet too late. Cause it’s still there. Hidden beneath the wreckage. Waiting in the dark. Captured in a cage. Waiting to be freed. Maybe with a bit of help by those closest to him, but ultimately, by himself. Dean is the one, who has to set himself free and…
“…take the heart. For brains do not make one happy. And happiness is the best thing in the world”(L. Frank Baum “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”)