I'm an INFJ a who really struggle at expressing myself verbally. sometimes I can become too aware of my talking it really feel frustrating because I grew up not having friends which is why I think I'm lack social skills. or do all INFJ find it difficult to express themselves to a certain degree
Refer to the Type Development guide for how to develop functions. I’m going to address all the functions since anyone can have communication issues. Possible function-related communication problems:
When Si is underdeveloped, you might have difficulty seeing situations outside the context of your past experiences. You are likely to compare/contrast things in such a way that has little relevance/significance to others during conversation, perhaps unable to appreciate their contributions because you are too busy thinking back on your own experiences or figuring out what to think/feel about something new to you. This can lead to the other person feeling bored or unable to connect when they cannot relive/experience alongside you whatever it is you are mentally comparing.
When Ni is underdeveloped, your mind is messy and you only have a very vague idea of what you want to express, which means you might have difficulty grasping/explaining the essential points of the conversation or often get left behind as conversations move along without you. You are likely to stop and start, pause or question when you don’t understand, twist and turn during conversation, or wrongly assume that others already understand your point. This can lead to confusion or impatience in the other person because they cannot easily follow your convoluted thought process.
When Ti is underdeveloped, you might have difficulty independently organizing and systematizing your ideas into a coherent logical framework, unable to express your ideas with clarity, unable to summarize your thoughts well, unable to correctly calculate the full effect of the things you say. You might not catch the logical contradictions in your statements nor understand how self-centered or amoral your judgments sound to others. This can lead to statements/behavior that put the other person off in some way because you have not considered their perspective nor helped them to understand your reasoning.
When Fi is underdeveloped, you tend to personalize everything through your own feelings even when something is not related to you, perhaps unable to talk about things you don’t have any feelings about or unable to show any interest in things you can’t relate to. You might not realize that what you are talking about is of little interest to others even though you feel very strongly about it, unable to translate your interest into something the other person can relate to. This can lead to the other person feeling neglected or unseen, as though you’re just talking to yourself.
When Se is underdeveloped, you might have difficulty tapping into the flow of energy in the conversation, unable to react quickly and improvise well. You are likely to be rather oblivious and then fail to respond to changes in demeanor/behavior in the other person, likely to be too focused on what you want to say next instead of being present and listening carefully. This can lead to stilted, disconnected, or awkward communication when you keep talking past each other.
When Ne is underdeveloped, you might ramble or spout ideas/questions without actually adding anything new or valuable to the conversation. You might find it difficult to successfully riff off others, perhaps more likely to impede rather than facilitate the flow of conversational energy, unable to explain to others why your ideas might build upon what has already been said. This can lead to the other person feeling puzzled or disrupted as they struggle to see anything useful or significant in your seemingly random contributions.
When Te is underdeveloped, you might be too absolute or presumptuous because you believe your opinions are fully justified and objective, perhaps unconsciously driven to correct/criticize people whenever you feel insecure or unsure. You might find it difficult to understand when/why people might react poorly to your statements, unable to connect with others on an authentic and personal level because you are too busy judging them. This can lead to the other person feeling misjudged, unappreciated, or wanting to distance themselves.
When Fe is underdeveloped, you might have trouble getting an accurate read on other people’s emotions, perhaps even as you keep behaving as though you can. You are likely too self-conscious or unconsciously fear rejection/conflict, only caring about how others make you feel instead of responding appropriately to how they feel. This can lead to the other person feeling misunderstood or intruded upon because you just reflexively/defensively react to them as opposed to formulating a measured and empathetic response.