how do i even deal with that

anonymous asked:

Is it common to feel guilty for needing to de-stress/unwind? I always feel bad because I should've been doing the thing that's stressing me out or causing problems instead of taking a break from it. Is this normal? How do I deal with it?

This is very common for people with various disabilities. Our society puts a lot of weight on doing things, and when we are not contributing by doing, the perception is that we are failing.

I believe this is complete and utter bullshit. A person’s worth is not determined by how much they can work, how much they contribute, or anything else like that. A person’s worth is inherent because they are a person.

Even so, what you are feeling is very real and very valid.

When I say that our worth is not determined by our contribution to society, that doesn’t mean you wrong to want to contribute or wrong for feeling bad that you cannot.

Personally, I hate not being able to contribute to my household. It really bothers me that everyone has to take care of me but I can’t do anything to take care of them. I want to reciprocate the care they give me and it causes a lot of depression and anxiety in me because I can’t.

Trying to figure out the difference between feeling bad because society places worth on your contribution and feel bad because you want to contribute can be really hard.

The two are very similar, and it is super easy to internalize society’s idea of worth. We start to see ourselves as lazy, as leaches, as drains on the people around us.

How do you address this? How do you deal with it? How do you manage it? These are all hard questions.

Try figure out exactly how the people around you or even society helps you. Having a concrete list of things will get you started on thinking about specifics.

Next think about what you really want. How do you want to contribute. Don’t worry about what you can or cannot do. Think about what you want to do. These can be big as “I want to change the world for the better,” or as small as, “I want to do something nice for a friend.”

Don’t limit yourself to things that are physical. If you are providing emotional support for someone, that is contributing to their wellbeing. That is taking care of them.

Once you have that list take, say, the top five things that you want to do. List out what it is that you personally are capable of doing that contribute in some manner to the items on the list. Try and come up with five things for each of the five items.

For example, if you want something big - being an astronaut - ask yourself why, and how you can do things that work towards this (even though it may be a completely unrealistic goal!). You can write about space. You can promote astronomy on a Science! themed blog. You can make a video blog about random space facts. You can investigate the history of space travel.

The idea is that big or small, there are things you can do right now, even to work towards goals that will never happen. I cannot ever be an astronaut - I have too many health problems. That doesn’t mean I can’t get closer by studying astronomy if I want to!

Starting small is a great way to get past executive dysfunction, too! And once you have the small down you can start to expand. Because you are starting with something you are interested in, it is going to be much easier to expand.

How does this look in practice? Well, let me use myself for an example.

A large reason why my wife and I ended up married, from my perspective at least, is that she made it very clear that even though I could not physically work I was providing her with mental and emotional stability. I was performing emotional labor for her, I was doing it a lot, and she not only needed that but appreciated it.

I honestly thought I was a drain on her and no good for her because I didn’t really understand what emotional labor was. It turns out she did, and it was a Big Deal. I’ve since learned that emotional labor is something I’m really good at in general. I provide a lot of it here on my blog with asks like these. I love it!

This, right here, is what I do to feel productive, to feel like I am contributing. I try and help people. I don’t work. I’m still disabled. I’m trying school and it is going OK, but I still worry about a job in the future and how I will pay off my school debt. But I no longer feel like I am not contributing to society. I am being productive in my own way, in a way that fulfils me needs.

I started my blog for myself to provide emotional labor for people who need it, but it also rekindled my love for writing. When a call went out for writers from ASAN, I sent information about my blog to the editor along with an idea that combined two of my blog posts into one post about gender and autism. They liked the idea, and I wrote the piece for them.

Now, I am providing the emotional labor that I love so much through a piece in anthology that ASAN is publishing later this year. I have turned a little personal blog into the start of a career as a writer.

I am enjoying this so much that it has allowed me to return to college. I am so interested in autism and autistic culture and providing help to those in the community that it is the incentive I need to do things I don’t even like. Basically, I found out that I want to help people so much that I can pass a math class.

I thought college was impossible for me, but here I am. All because I started small, writing rants on Facebook about gender stuff that only friends could see. All because I provided emotional labor for my then girlfriend. All because when you put those things together…

So yeah. Those are my thoughts on that.

There is one more thing, though, and I think this is exceptionally important. Celebrate the small victories. If it is hard for you to get out of bed in the morning, don’t be afraid to say, “You know what? For two weeks I have struggled to get out of bed and today it was easy. That’s a HUGE DEAL for me, and I’m proud of myself for that.”

This stuff matters. Society says that you are only productive if you contribute by being a good worker. I say that if you take a shower, you are being productive. If you half of a homework assignment two weeks before it is due, you are being productive. If you remember to put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of on your nightstand, you are being productive. If you drive someone around in circles playing pokemon go for an hour you are being productive.

Don’t let society set the standards for yourself. Set your own standards. Set the bar low. Raise it at your own pace and according to your own needs. There is no finish line because this is not a race.

Hope that helps!

And that’s how the story goes. Jack is born into the world on the day his father seals the ultimate of evils, destined to take up that same mantle and battle one day himself.

Where his father failed, Jack must unmake Aku completely, a task ultimately even the gods failed in. A challenge like no other.

A long way to go still.

A long journey for them all.

So that was that, the history of Aku, how he came to be and the origin of the divine sword that is his bane. It was interesting, definitely, though frustrating too for there’s no legitimate explanation for why the gods, aware of Aku, chose to have a human deal with it instead. And went on to do nothing after Jack was cast in time and Aku took over completely.

I’ll give this part an 8/10 like the last to follow, interesting and enjoyable, but nothing ground-shaking. Next episode, and the last of season 3, tomorrow.

anonymous asked:

I've been feeling really dysphoric lately and have been having a hard time even feeling ok about myself. I'm in the closet and haven't come out to many people but even the people I have come out to still use the wrong pronouns and name. I'm not sure what to do or how to feel better. I also can't bind anymore since I've outgrown my XL binder and it now hurts my ribs. This just adds to my dysphoria since I now have to deal with having a huge chest. Please help. I don't know what to do.

Hi anon!

I’m sorry you’re in that position.
I too have an XL chest, so I’ll tell you some of what I find helps.

You could try layering some clothes, wearing a flannel shirt open over a tshirt for example may help reduce the appearance of your chest slightly

Also using a (high compression) sports bra to bind may help (if you can find one in your size!)

Also if you did want to replace your binder Shapeshifters make custom sized binders (I’m almost sure) so that may help

I hope you feel better, and if you ever want to message me directly I wouldn’t mind talking to you about this stuff! 💙

5

WOD 3/29

Full body workout

So I effed up my ankle somehow on Friday and I’m still dealing with it. Like I probably shouldn’t have even gone to the gym but I already had to skip Monday because of the chiropractor and I didn’t want to do it again. Monday and Tuesday my ankle was in pain and now it’s going between being really weak and slightly painful. It’s not swollen or bruised at all. Really have no idea how I did it. Oh I also dropped a barbell on my toe today. Luckily it was just the bar and not very far off the ground, more funny than anything since it was on the bad foot. I probably should go to bed before I hurt myself more.

@gerinurse

anonymous asked:

What do i do my mother has some sort of psychological problem but would not go to a counsellor or psychiatrist my parents hate each other but won't get divorced my sister wants to kill herself and I'm all out of empathy..what do i do when I don't even care I talked to my teacher and she told me to act like an "adult" fuk her what do i

You remind me of myself 6 years ago :( I wish I could hug you

Let me tell you something. You are not responsible for any of this and I know you feel like you are by how you’ve written your message. Your mother isn’t going to therapy because she is delusional and paranoid. She doesn’t want to know if anything is wrong with her, but deep down she does know. Your father is neglecting your mother and you all because frankly he doesn’t know how to deal with any of this and most likely not even his own emotions. Your sister needs attention immediately. Her life is at risk and this is where you can help. Im not sure if your sister goes to school but contact the school counselor. If she goes to university/college then urge her to visit the guidance counselors there for therapy (it should be free). This is the suicide hotline please have her call/text because trust me it works. Do your parents know she is suicidal? Maybe when they find out that she is then they will get their act together for the time being and realize that your household is harmful and that they are responsible. There is also online guidance counseling that you and your sister can do. Your teacher who basically told you to grow up disregarded your situation and that is not ok. Talk to another teacher or counselor at your school to receive help for yourself and potentially your family. I know this sounds super cliche and unreal but your struggles right now are temporary. Now I know that seems messed up to say because these family problems accumulates over years but it will eventually pass. It wont go away because life is a roller coaster and you are going to always have ups and downs but eventually you will find a way for inner balance and coping but you need therapy, and so does your sister and parents. Please keep your hope and don’t try to hold everyones problems on your shoulders you can only handle so much. I wish there was something I could do but if it makes you feel any better I went through the exact same thing and I still am. My parents eventually got divorced and my sister went to medical school. I live with my mother and i am about to graduate university. It took years and its still a battle I deal with every day but just know that if you help yourself then you are looking at a brighter future.

Please keep me updated. You are in my prayers.

Take care 

OOC;; you know, on the subject of shipping i think people. need to calm down a bit with it. it’s a fun part of fandoms and rp, but how heated the subject can become is. really not great.

especially where it comes to how quick people are to call others problematic or disgusting over a ship. it’s fine to have ships that make you uncomfortable, of course! there’s ships i dislike and others that make my skin crawl. some of them aren’t even ‘bad’ ships, but how people write them involves ignoring a character’s mental health or personality which i can’t deal with. i just don’t follow those people, though. there’s no need to bully anyone–and there’s never can excuse for throwing around words like “go kill yourself” casually. someone should never fucking do that.

i also feel like too many people are throwing stones in glass houses, i believe the saying goes? i’ve been 'called out’ for shipping may/december relationships between consenting adults–consenting adults who are fictional characters with about fifteen years difference. if that made them uncomfortable that’s fair enough, but also don’t call someone problematic and then turn around, ship something problematic yourself, and then claim that’s somehow different while continuing to attack that other person. how is shipping two consenting adults in a happy relationship more problematic than, say, shipping a couple where one half not only caused their partner’s blindness through cruel intent but killed one of their friends while crippling another? or shipping something where one half was raised since birth to obey the orders of their 'master’ and thus is unable to give true consent?

if you ship something like that it’s fine! i’m not judging anyone, just using it for an example of this strange attitude i’ve seen across fandoms. i’m not sure why it’s cropped up so much lately, but i think people need to stop and think a bit more. don’t compromise yourself, of course, but don’t try to push people towards suicide, either. especially when you have no idea what the other person’s age is or their mental health. you don’t want to be the person who pushed someone with depression, who found a small slice of escape within a fictional world, over the edge.

anonymous asked:

Hey so I'm a seventeen year old girl and a definitely adult guy just liked my selfie and messaged me "how you doing beautiful" and he doesn't follow me and my selfie hasn't been reblogged so I don't know how he found it and idk. I'm about to block him I'm just easily freaked out and this is the first time I've had an adult guy approach me online or irl. Idk sorry I'm sending this to you I just wanted to tell someone I know it's not a big deal I just need to block him I'm just generally anxious.

You don’t need to apologize for sending this <3 Even if the answer is as easy as blocking him, it’s totally natural to feel afraid and uneasy about a strange adult man seeing you and trying to interact with you when you don’t want him to. Unwanted attention is scary, especially when you don’t even know how they found you. You’re completely justified in being freak out and wanting to talk to someone.

I hope that blocking him is sufficient and you don’t get any more unwanted attention, and that your online spaces can be as safe as you want them to be <3 If you’re still feeling nervous, I’m always here

anonymous asked:

Billboard's timeline of Harry is everything, it has been an amazing ride so far, and now things are kicking into a whole new gear. He really has set himself up for a spectacular start as a solo artist and actor (double threat, no big deal 😏)

I am so so proud of how much hard work he’s put in this year - he’s kept his head down, stayed quiet, and worked his ass off on the movie, the album, all the promo we’re getting now, Another Man, and probably a ton of stuff we’re not even aware of yet. It’s crazy that over the past year and a half there’s been all these people that have complained that he’s not doing anything and not taking the proper steps to prepare or whatever, but literally all he’s been doing is preparing and putting in maximum effort and heart to make sure his debut as a solo artist is the best it can be. I think he’s more than succeeding so far :)

I have seen a number of harry potter posts that go something like, “If there was magic and wizards in (country) they’d _____.”  Usually there are also long discussions that go along with these about how each country deals with the statute of secrecy.

And all I can think is, Canada wouldn’t even bother trying to enforce the statute of secrecy. Because what is the point? How would you even know if it was a magic thing or just a Canada thing?

Is that guy just taking a regular old moose through a drive thru to get coffee or is it animagus?

Was that prime minister crazy or did he actually talk to ghosts?

How do you steal 20 000 litres of maple syrup? Trucks or portkeys?

The minister of immigration formally gave Santa Claus citizenship and a passport.

House hippos.

All magic would do to Canada is make the internet about 90% more sure that Canada isn’t a real place.

Overwatch Outfit-Swap: Genji and Zenyatta 

[Requests by @morethanlittlesinister , as well as several anons] 

FINALLY. 

Finally, there are robots robot boyfriends who wear each other’s clothes. (Clothes? Pieces?) 

I’m sorry this one too so long, since most of you know I’ve been dealing with chained concussions on and off for over a year. Still, this was such a joy to do, because Zenyatta is my sweet boy - and now looks like General Grievous’ jedi cousin. 

Genji looks a bit odd to me still, and don’t even get me started on how Zenyatta taught him to float… But I took a fair amount of artistic liberties with their designs since neither of them have full reference for the parts of their bodies that aren’t covered? It’s like they planned this. 

ANYWAY ENJOY. 

Thank you all for the submissions! 

[Requests for Overwatch Outfit Swaps are CLOSED]

A letter to Brendon Urie.

Dear Brendon,

I’m sorry that you had to see how ‘fans’ offended your beloved wife. She’s a beautiful woman whom I truly admire and respect, you guys are the perfect match.

I’m sorry that you always get asked about your previous band members, there’s nothing wrong with that but, the problem is the way people ask about them, by saying incoherent or offensive questions.

I’m sorry that you had to give up your home, it was your dream house that you even gave us a tour and described to us how you fell in love with it, you showed us your awesome piano, how you jump from the roof to the pool and your awesome studio, i’m so sorry.

I’m sorry that you have to deal with harassment, NO ONE deserves to be treated like that, unfortunately, when you are such a talented musician, you can’t escape from it. I know you love your fans, and we love you, but there’s always a limit, and if you truly admire someone, just like us fans admire you, we are supposed to respect you and your family.

I’m sorry for every single thing you had to gave up, for every single thing that ‘fans’ said to offend you, i’m sorry for everything Brendon, I hope you don’t give up on us, the real fans who do respect you.

You’re my hero, sincerely,
a true fan.

why bobs burgers is possibly the purest show in the universe

- a good, loving family that does not despise each other, that sticks together, that bands together in the face of adversity 

- in cliche tv shows families only tell each other they love each other in the face of danger/at the climax. not here. they regularly tell each other that they care even if it’s not an outright “i love you” it’s just acts of compassion and love and its not made a huge deal. It’s a regular occurrence for them.

- however when they do show their love in climactic moving parts its so great its so so great

- honestly? no matter how much they act dont like it they’d drop everything for another family member. all of the belchers are ride or die. not just linda. all of them. 

- sometimes, things don’t work out how you want it to. Bob doesn’t get a good review, Gene doesn’t win the contest, Tina doesn’t get on the team, but it’s all okay. Bad things happen but there are good people around you and you’ll get through this it’s ok

- no matter what, they try their best. They’ll keep trying until the end even if the outcome isn’t what the want. And they accept their fate, but that’s not the same thing as giving up. 

- I think im crying? this family is so good and pure and they deserve everything? i cant

- im going to quit life and become a bobs burgers account

- anyway im not in a great place in life rn and this show has saved me a lot i think and i just want to give them the world

“omg Tony is so ready to risk some kid’s life for his own petty agenda he didn’t even think about how young Peter is or how impressionable and he was ready to let a teenager get killed - “

Tony: don’t do anything I would do. or wouldn’t do. Don’t do anything. Just be safe.

Tony: I’m giving you this suit to help you win fights

Tony: stick to low level stuff. Let us more experienced heroes deal with the bigger criminals and disasters

Tony: you put yourself and others at risk you’re grounded

Tony: I want you to be better than me

The Party part 16/?

K: …

L: …

L: Aren’t you going to say anything?

L: Whoa okay settle down-

K: Lance do you… even like me?

L: What?

K: Don’t ‘what’ me you know exactly what I’m talking about.

K: You walk around flirting with any mildly attractive alien we come across and I can’t help but feel like…

L: Like what?

K: Like I’m nothing special to you! Just another person you can flirt with when you feel like it, then move onto the next because it’s no big deal to you

K: d-don’t you know how much I care about you?

K: I-I mean we have arguments and disagreements and I know you’d probably be happy with someone else but to lead me on like this… and for this long.

K: It’s fucking cruel!

K: Is everything that you’ve done just some kind of petty game? Another competition you want to beat me at?! another way you can one up me!?

K: If that’s the case then, you must really hate me! a-and I know this all just might be my fault for forcing things, instead of just letting myself hate you-

K: Too….

What I really love and admire about water moons is that they’re not afraid to go to that deep dark place and find out how they’re actually feeling. After they know, they’re incredibly strong. Even if they do vent or ‘complain’, they just think “okay, this is no big deal. I can do this” and they will keep going. They won’t stop, if there’s something or someone that they want. There is no stopping them, they are not afraid of emotional pain. They are not afraid of bumps on the road, they will get what they want. They’re such resilient people and they will actually pause/slow down to take care of themselves so they’ll win in the end while everybody else is breaking down

I’m glad she asked this question, because I’ve always wondered how Louis feels about and deals with all the support and love he gets from us. We know he sees it, but it’s nice to hear what his personal response is and how he processes it. 

DJ: How do you, like, go everyday, like, there’s all these people that love me so much? That may not ever meet me ever in life?

Louis: I mean, it’s hard to even comprehend the level of support, really, if I’m being completely honest. Been in the industry like, 6 years, 5 years,  and still, you know, it’s just impossible to understand. All I can do is try and thank everyone as often as I can.

DJ: Absolutely, yeah. No, you do, yeah yeah.

Louis: You feel like you just run out of words, honestly. They are incredible people, and also the reason why I felt confident enough to kind of to step out of my comfort zone and do some stuff of my own outside the band, you know. It’s kind of all down to them.

Bottomline: Louis sees our support, is extremely thankful for it and is absolutely bolstered by it. Exactly how we want our fave to feel and exactly why we support him! I am glad we have been able to do this for him! 

Excerpt from Weekend Throwdown With Jagger interview. Released 18 February 2018.

  • OP fandom: Sanji hurt Luffy! Sanji kicked Luffy in the fACE! Luffy lost HIS TOOTH! What's gonna happen??? Is he going to stay like this for the rest of his life??? Is he gonna be Pirate King like this?? Is it gonna be a trace from this arc and remain a huge friendship mark forever????? Is Chopper going to fix it - or Law?? AND WHAT IF-
  • Oda: milk is good enough how do you think Brook deals with his bones lmao