how did it not get more notes

anonymous asked:

what's wrong with aunn? she's a good pup

Short answer: I am a bitter angry old man.

Long answer: WaHH 42 spoilers are in this post and I can’t seem to add a Read More while responding for whatever reason, so there’s everyone’s warning. 

Aunn debuted as a tryhard Kyouko and has done basically nothing to change that (if anything it’s gotten worse). Ever since the HSiFS demo I’ve been reasonably positive she exists purely to lampshade the idea of a universe as vast and expansive as Touhou and the question of “where the heck were these people all this time”. But all she had to do was nyanpose and suddenly she gets more attention than the other two demo characters combined, both of which I found substantially more interesting as characters even though I don’t particularly care about Eternity either. (Side note: a bit of extra bitterness is reserved for how Nemuno was pretty clearly intentionally designed to not be conventionally cute and yet the first thing the fandom did with her was do their best to cutify her anyway. At least Eternity got some quality “i am actually a god in disguise faking innocence and lack of intelligence for xyz hilarious reasons” content, though.)

The full game did basically nothing to change this, instead inadvertently giving Aunn a partner in attention-vacuuming crime (perhaps for Nemuno-ish reasons?). I mean, ZUN literally gave us Orange Yukari - an extra interesting addition to the cast given how WaHH has been expanding on the concept of Gensokyo’s sages - and people don’t care because they’re too busy petting the dog and getting rock hard for the statue. It’s eerily reminiscent of how giving Byakuren a motorcycle completely overshadowed the actually important stuff in ULiL that she had little/nothing meaningful to do with.

Then WaHH 42 comes along and manages the feat of both acknowledging, if not outright directly stating, that Aunn is completely unimportant and irrelevant to everything and inserting her all over the place anyway. Outside of the absolutely wonderful (and bizarrely direct and blunt) conversation between Kasen and Aya, they couldn’t keep the camera off of Aunn for more than, like, two or three panels. I spent the entire chapter after Aya/Kasen trying to reach into the screen and physically shove Aunn aside so I could see and listen to Okina more. I didn’t need a subtly comedic and unsubtly dramatic buildup to the revelation that Aunn’s not important and that Okina is the queen of SuperFortress OmegaSpiffy, I already knew that from HSiFS Stages 6 and Extra. (Perhaps the presentation *did* work out neatly for those that have not yet played or read up on those stages; my fiancée, God bless per infinite patience with me, pointed out that she, at least, had found it interesting since she had no idea what she was getting into with Okina.) She even got a special super-fancy title card! Not even Yukari got one of those in FS, hers was the same as everyone else’s and definitely didn’t take up a quarter of the page. And Okina more or less going “y’all better knock off your shit or I’ll reset reality and ‘forget’ to include you the second time around” is fascinating! Is she really capable of that? Is she really that capricious, or is she just yanking everyone’s chain and is actually mellow and good-humored? And what does this mean for the loose Discreet Youkai War for the Human Village thread FS left dangling? I want to know more about these things, not see Aunn show up on every page blocking other characters off and trying to be the focus like that Love Live meme face.

So yes, now that we’ve verified that Aunn is, indeed, unimportant to everything, I want her to go away accordingly. Shoo. Either have her make dialogueless background cameos whenever we see a major religious building or just don’t bother with her at all. I need more sages and more info on those sages. It keeps me aliiiiiiiiiive.


EDIT: I forgot to include that basically all of the reactions I’ve seen so far to WaHH 42 are “look at aunn! look at aunn!!” which is like do you even understand what you just read

Hey Do You Know Bill Wurtz?

https://www.youtube.com/user/billwurtzYeah, that’s the guy who made History of Japan, that really popular pit of memes. I’m probably not the only person that really wants him to make more shit, but that’s gonna be hard.

If you haven’t heard of this thing yet, it’s called patreon. See how he gets only 72 bucks a month for stuff from 26 people?

These are his views on the History of Japan video. Bill Wurtz deserves to have more support for the stuff that he is doing, and he should be able to make a decent living out of this entertainment. I would appreciate if you either reblogged or donated to his patreon: http://patreon.com/billwurtz

I don’t even know Bill Wurtz personally but he needs more support

EDIT!:
If you can’t support Bill Wurtz financially through patreon, please please please check out his youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/billwurtz

EDIT!!:

We have officially reached 36 patrons, $100 per month, and over 1000 notes. This has been an amazing breakthrough, thank you tumblr, and keep spreading this around! (Still can’t even begin to believe this has only been less than one day)

EDIT!!!:

42 Patrons, $111 per month, over 2000 notes. I understand 10, maybe 100 notes, but 2000!!! In this one day I’m sure Bill Wurtz will be thankful that people are out there who can support him. Thanks to all of you who donated and most importantly, reblogged this post.

School-Related Sentence Starters

Everyday

  • “Did we have homework?”
  • “Please be my lab partner.”
  • “Can I borrow a pencil?”
  • “I really don’t want to talk in front of the whole class…”
  • “Can I copy off of you real quick?”
  • “Do you think the teacher is hot?”
  • “It’s not cheating. It’s just teamwork.”
  • “Do you think the new kid is hot?”
  • “Pretty sure the teacher is out to get me…”
  • “You are…so dumb…”
  • “Was Shakespeare gay?”
  • “Please tell me you didn’t start the project either.”
  • “If I do it at the last minute, then I’ll have a minute.”
  • “Can I borrow your notes?”
  • “This class is so boring…”
  • “Am I in the right classroom?”
  • “Someone drew a dick in my textbook.”
  • “Do you know where the nurse’s office is?”
  • “Someone put a picture of Shrek in my locker.”
  • “I can’t wait to graduate…”
  • “Meet me in the bathroom/gym/locker room later. I need to tell you something.”

Exams

  • “I forgot about the midterm.”
  • “I’m gonna FAIL.”
  • “Shut up! You always say you’re going to fail, and then you get an A.”
  • “Please help me study.”
  • “If I don’t pass, my parents are going to KILL me.”
  • “Do you ever think about how studying is just ‘student’ and ‘dying’ put together?”
  • “I live at the library now.”
  • “Do you need help with the chapter?”
  • “I don’t even know what I don’t know.”
  • “I’m afraid that they’ll revoke my scholarship.”
  • “I HAVE to be at the top of the class.”
  • “Do you even know how to read?”
  • “I don’t even get the Sparknotes…”
  • “Maybe I’ll be okay if I pick A for every answer…I have to get an A, right?”
  • “I don’t need to go to college anyway.”
  • “Sleep is for the weak.”
  • “I just did 200 practice problems. I forgot my own name.”
  • “I remember that shrimp can see more colors than we can, but I don’t remember the vocabulary words for the test.”
  • “Your notes are just doodles.”

Lunchtime

  • “What’s for lunch?”
  • “Please trade lunches with me.”
  • “I dare you to fling your peas at the principal.”
  • “There’s NO way I’m eating that.”
  • “All I have are skittles and an old Oreo.”
  • “I would kill for a taco right now.”
  • “Lunch is the only class I can do well in.”
  • “There’s pizza today.”
  • “Is that a bug in your sandwich?”
  • “Ugh, this is expired.”
  • “Is this seat taken?”
  • “I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet.”
  • “Did you make this?”
  • “If you give me a dollar, I’ll love you forever.”
  • “I made brownies.”
  • “Let’s eat outside today.”
  • “Do you think we could get pizza delivered to the school?”
  • “You’re in my seat.”
  • “These freshmen think that they can just take our table…”

Gym

  • “I can’t run for my life.”
  • “Don’t throw the ball at me!!”
  • “Why do you look so red?”
  • “I’m DYING.”
  • “It’s just sports! What could go wrong?”
  • “I can’t run anymore.”
  • “Your team is going DOWN.”
  • “Are you okay?!”
  • “You really suck at this, don’t you?”
  • “Think fast!”
  • “Is that the best you can do?”
  • “I dare you to race me.”
  • “I think the gym teacher is a supersoldier.”

Uniforms / Clothes

  • “I HATE these pants/skirts.”
  • “Do you think anyone would notice if I wore pajamas?”
  • “I haven’t washed my gym clothes in a week…”
  • “I should be allowed to wear whatever I want.”
  • “Can you believe they called my outfit ‘inappropriate’?!”
  • “I’m so sick of seeing (school color).”
  • “I wear this uniform in my dreams. I mean, in my nightmares.”
  • “Those are the most hideous shoes I’ve ever seen.”
  • “Do you think her/his girl/boyfriend got her that?”
  • “Did your boy/girlfriend really buy you that?”
  • “Class rings are overrated.”
  • “We should totally get matching hoodies.”
  • “What show/movie is your shirt from?”
  • “I can see your underwear.”

Detention

  • “Wanna skip?”
  • “I can’t believe I’m in here.”
  • “Welcome, prince(ss)! Is this your first time?”
  • “That teacher DESERVED to be cursed out, okay?”
  • “I didn’t even do anything wrong…”
  • “Fuck the police.”
  • “They put me in here just for being late…”
  • “Did you actually bash the principal’s car?”
  • “A little thing like you managed to beat the crap out of someone?”
  • “You look like you don’t belong in here.”
  • “This is prison.”
  • “I tried to stab a kid with a pencil.”
  • “They think I’ll learn my lesson in here? I’m going to do it again.”
  • “All I did was a little graffiti.”
  • “I’m taking a nap.”
The Dos and Don’ts of Beginning a Novel:  An Illustrated Guide

I’ve had a lot of asks lately for how to begin a book (or how not to), so here’s a post on my general rules of thumb for story openers and first chapters!  

Please note, these are incredibly broad generalizations;  if you think an opener is right for you, and your beta readers like it, there’s a good chance it’s A-OK.  When it comes to writing, one size does not fit all.  (Also note that this is for serious writers who are interested in improving their craft and/or professional publication, so kindly refrain from the obligatory handful of comments saying “umm, screw this, write however you want!!”)

So without further ado, let’s jump into it!

Don’t: 

1.  Open with a dream. 

“Just when Mary Sue was sure she’d disappear down the gullet of the monstrous, winged pig, she woke up bathed in sweat in her own bedroom.”

What?  So that entire winged pig confrontation took place in a dream and amounts to nothing?  I feel so cheated! 

Okay, not too many people open their novels with monstrous swine, but you get the idea:  false openings of any kind tend to make the reader feel as though you’ve wasted their time, and don’t usually jump into more meaty action of the story quickly enough.  It makes your opening feel lethargic and can leave your audience yawning.

Speaking of… 

2.  Open with a character waking up.  

This feels familiar to most of us, but unless your character is waking up to a zombie attack or an alien invasion, it’s generally a pretty easy recipe to get your story to drag.

No one picks a book to hear how your character brushes their teeth in the morning or what they’d like to have for dinner.  As a general rule of thumb, we read to explore things we wouldn’t otherwise get to experience.  And cussing out the alarm clock is not one of them.  

Granted, there are exceptions if your writing is exceptionally engaging, but in most cases it just sets a slow pace that will bore you and your reader to death and probably cause you to lose interest in your book within the first ten pages.  

3.  Bombard with exposition.  

Literary characters aren’t DeviantArt OCs.  And the best way to convey a character is not, in my experience, to devote the first ten pages to describing their physical appearance, personality, and backstory.  Develop your characters, and make sure their fully fleshed out – my tips on how to do so here – but you don’t need to dump all that on the reader before they have any reason to care about them.  Let the reader get to know the character gradually, learn about them, and fall in love with them as they would a person:  a little bit at a time.   

This is iffy when world building is involved, but even then it works best when the delivery feels organic and in tune with the book’s overall tone.  Think the opening of the Hobbit or Good Omens.

4.  Take yourself too seriously.

Your opener (and your novel in general) doesn’t need to be intellectually pretentious, nor is intellectual pretense the hallmark of good literature.  Good literature is, generally speaking, engaging, well-written, and enjoyable.  That’s it.  

So don’t concern yourself with creating a poetic masterpiece of an opening line/first chapter.  Just make one that’s – you guessed it – engaging, well-written, and enjoyable. 

5.  Be unintentionally hilarious.

Utilizing humor in your opening line is awesome, but check yourself to make sure your readers aren’t laughing for all the wrong reasons (this is another reason why betas are important.)  

These examples of the worst opening lines in published literature will show you what I mean – and possibly serve as a pleasant confidence booster as well: 

“As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand – who would take her away from all this – and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.”

– Ali Kawashima

“She sipped her latte gracefully, unaware of the milk foam droplets building on her mustache, which was not the peachy-fine baby fuzz that Nordic girls might have, but a really dense, dark, hirsute lip-lining row of fur common to southern Mediterranean ladies nearing menopause, and winked at the obviously charmed Spaniard at the next table.”

– Jeanne Villa

“As I gardened, gazing towards the autumnal sky, I longed to run my finger through the trail of mucus left by a single speckled slug – innocuously thrusting past my rhododendrons – and in feeling that warm slime, be swept back to planet Alderon, back into the tentacles of the alien who loved me.”

– Mary E. Patrick

“Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul.”

– Howie McClennon

If these can get published, so can you.

Do:

1.  You know that one really interesting scene you’re itching to write?  Start with that.

Momentum is an important thing in storytelling.  If you set a fast, infectious beat, you and your reader will be itching to dance along with it.  

Similarly, slow, drowsy openers tend to lead to slow, drowsy stories that will put you both to sleep.

I see a lot of posts joking about “that awkward moment when you sit down to write but don’t know how to get to that one scene you actually wanted to write about.”  Write that scene!  If it’s at all possible, start off with it.  If not, there are still ways you can build your story around the scenes you actually want to write.

Keep in mind:  if you’re bored, your reader will almost certainly be bored as well.  So write what you want to write.  Write what makes you excited.  Don’t hold off until later, when it “really gets good.”  Odds are, the reader will not wait around that long, and you’re way more likely to become disillusioned with your story and quit.  If a scene is dragging, cut it out.  Burn bridges, find a way around.  Live, dammit. 

2.  Engage the reader.

There are several ways to go about this.  You can use wit and levity, you can present a question, and you can immerse the reader into the world you’ve created.  Just remember to do so with subtlety, and don’t try too hard;  believe me, it shows.  

Here are some of my personal favorite examples of engaging opening lines: 

“In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." 

– Douglas Adams, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

"It was the day my grandmother exploded.”

– Iain Banks, Crow Road.

“A white Pomeranian named Fluffy flew out of the a fifth-floor window in Panna, which was a grand-new building with the painter’s scaffolding still around it. Fluffy screamed.”

– Vikram Chandra, Sacred Games.

See what I’m saying?  They pull you in and do not let go.

3.  Introduce us to a main character (but do it right.)

“Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don’t-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.”

– Neil Gaiman, American Gods.

This is one of my favorite literary openings of all time, because right off the bat we know almost everything we need to know about Shadow’s character (i.e. that he’s rugged, pragmatic, and loving.)   

Also note that it doesn’t tell us everything about Shadow:  it presents questions that make us want to read more.  How did Shadow get into prison?  When will he get out?  Will he reunite with his wife?  There’s also more details about Shadow slowly sprinkled in throughout the book, about his past, personality, and physical appearance.  This makes him feel more real and rounded as a character, and doesn’t pull the reader out of the story.

Obviously, I’m not saying you should rip off American Gods.  You don’t even need to include a hooker eating a guy with her cooch if you don’t want to.  

But this, and other successful openers, will give you just enough information about the main character to get the story started;  rarely any good comes from infodumping, and allowing your reader to get to know your character gradually will make them feel more real.   

4.  Learn from the greats.

My list of my favorite opening lines (and why I love them) is right here.

5.  Keep moving.  

The toughest part of being a writer is that it’s a rare and glorious occasion when you’re actually satisfied with something you write.  And to add another layer of complication, what you like best probably won’t be what your readers will like best. 

If you refuse to keep moving until you have the perfect first chapter, you will never write anything beyond your first chapter.  

Set a plan, and stick to it:  having a daily/weekly word or page goal can be extremely helpful, especially when you’re starting out.  Plotting is a lifesaver (some of my favorite posts on how to do so here, here, and here.)

Keep writing, keep moving, and rewrite later.  If you stay in one place for too long, you’ll never keep going. 

Best of luck, and happy writing.  <3

princess-maemae  asked:

*slides into your askbox* So.... what about an au where...... kacchan and ochako were childhood friends.... and he'd had a dumb puppy crush on her since they were little

[on twitter]

okay but Bakugou doesn’t have friends as a kid he just had followers. he doesn’t know how to friend

i imagine he just pined after her like a sad little lovestruck explosive pomeranian puppy, only he doesn’t know how to handle emotions at any age sO

HE HANDS HER A NOTE THAT SAYS “GET OUT OF MY SCHOOL”

maybe she moves away or something and they meet again at UA and Baku’s feelings return so he does the exact same thing he did as a kid, only with more cussing, b/c this child is forever emotionally constipated and doesn’t know how to deal with feelings regardless of age

poor Uraraka is so confused. she has no idea what’s going on

she has no clue the poor angry pom pom is crushing on her, hard

I'm On My Knee

Hi babes! This is a marshmallow-soft story about the reader and Tom having a special inside joke. That inside joke being Tom dramatically falling down onto one knee to tease her after she accidentally tells him that it’s always been how she wants to get proposed to. The inside joke makes the both of them think a lot about their future and cuteness ensues! I hope that you like it!

Side note: The film was everything I wanted it to be and more? It owns my entire heart? The cast did so well and I’m so happy for all of them and my heart is just overflowing with love and I’m going to see the film again tomorrow!

I’m On My Knee

“He makes me want to wear a white dress and walk down the aisle.” She murmured to her boyfriend, utterly and completely inebriated. “I want to learn how to cook so he can always come home to a hot meal. He makes me want to learn more so that I’ll always have new things to talk to him about, and he makes me want to take care of myself so that I can look good for him. I wanna read every book on the planet earth and watch every film, just so I have stories to tell him before we go to sleep. But, mostly, he makes me wanna wear a white dress and walk down the aisle.”

    Tom smiled, securing a strong arm around her waist before she had the opportunity to slip from the barstool she was trying to twirl on. Holding her still, he questioned, “anything else you want, darling?”

    Lurching forward, she twined her arms around his neck and moved to perch on his knee. She shoved her face into Tom’s neck and breathed in deeply, dragging her hands across the expanse of her boyfriend’s chest. He smelled of french cologne, the fabric of his shirt felt soft beneath her cheek, and she was so close to him that she could count the beats of his heart. “I love you.”

    Supporting her frame, Tom kissed the top of her head, “I love you more.” She sighed into his chest and Tom helped her to her feet, making sure that he still had her locked in his arms. “Let’s get you home now, drunky.”

“I want him on his knee like in the old films,” she added before she allowed Tom to guide her to their parked car.

    Truly, Tom felt the same way about her, but there was no way that he wouldn’t tease her about her intoxicated confession every chance he got. He’d been dreaming about how beautiful she’d look walking down the aisle to meet him since their third date and it comforted him that she seemed to feel the same way.

    She knew that she had majorly screwed up the next morning when Tom dropped down onto one knee, offering her a bottle of advil and a glass of water to soothe the pounding in her head that refused to be ignored.

    “On my knee, baby, just how you wanted!” Tom smiled, his curls flopping down in his eyes in the most endearing of ways. She hated that he looked so cute while he was so successfully embarrassing her.

    Groaning, she brought her hands up to cover her face, “Tom, stop! I told you that I was just drunk. Let it go!” She pleaded, blush spreading as far as the tips of her ears.

    Her boyfriend feigned hurt feelings, “well, if you were truly joking, guess I’m out of here. Gotta go get me a girl who’s in it for the long haul.” Tom joked as he moved to walk out the door.

    “Tom,” she whined before rushing forward to keep him in place with a hug. “Stop being so dumb and help me make pancakes. You flip them better than I do.”

    Smiling down at her, Tom took of her hands within his own and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, “One day, I’ll be way more than just your boyfriend who flips pancakes better than you do. One day, I’ll be your husband who flips pancakes better than you do.” Tom laughed, picking her up to spin her around the kitchen.

    She was happy that Tom was focused on not dropping her or running into anything because she was even pinker than she’d thought previously possible and she was positive that the smile on her face was so huge that her face would crack into halves. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have the greatest job, it didn’t matter that she was absolute shit at math, in fact, she couldn’t think of anything that mattered to her more than what Tom had just said. He was planning on a future with her and she was so elated that she spent the entire rest of her week floating from place to place on a bed made of cotton candy clouds.

    The next time Tom dropped to one knee for her, it was in the flower shop while she was sifting through bins of tulip bouquets for their friend’s dinner party. “Because I love you,” Tom said, holding out a bundle of daisies.

    Rolling her eyes, she took the flowers and bent forward to kiss Tom tenderly on the mouth. “Because I love you,” she repeated back to him before taking both bouquets to the register while Tom struggled to free his wallet before she could pay for her daisies.

    The time after that, Tom fell to one knee when she had come home with smudged mascara and tears dripping from the corners of her eyes. Hurrying off the couch, he dropped to one knee in front of her, pulling her to perch softly onto his popped knee. “What’s the matter darling?”

    Shrugging her shoulders, her lower lip trembled and she merely hid her face in Tom’s neck.  Stroking her hair and mumbling the words to ‘Moon River’ into her ears, Tom waited for her to tell him what was upsetting her. He did his best to search his mind for anything he could’ve done, anything her friend’s could’ve done, anything at home that could have upset her and came back with nothing. Tom briefly had a fleeting feeling that he was failing as her husband until it clicked in his brain that he hadn’t ever gotten down on one knee before her to present her with an actual ring.

    That night, while she snuggled into the crook of his arm, her face hidden so close to his neck that Tom could feel her lips press into his skin, he looked up some photos of rings. Each time Tom found a particularly nice ring, he’d zoom in and envision it on her lovely hands. Looking down at her hand that was loosely curled around his waist, he murmured to her sleeping form, “nobody, not even the rain,has such small hands.” His girl had been on an E.E. Cummings kick and clearly the poetry she read aloud to him had rubbed off on Tom.

    Placing his phone back into it’s charging station on their nightable, Tom laid down and  made sure to lace his fingers through her own before he shut eyes to sleep, agreeing with E. E. Cummings  that nobody had such small hands. Such small hands that a glittering ring would only compliment.

    The next weekend, as she and Tom strolled through the supermarket to grab some fresh vegetables and fruit, and maybe a loaf of bread to go along with dinner, Tom spotted the baked goods aisle. Getting completely sidetracked, Tom stood staring at the pastries while she carried on in search of the produce section. Glancing at her retreating figure and then back at the deserts, Tom grabbed an armful of cookies, cinnamon rolls and cupcakes before hurrying after her.

    Her eyes widened when she saw her boyfriend nearly skipping towards her, arms overflowing with pastries. “Tom,” she started, cocking her hip and raising her brows, “that is ridiculous. Pick one thing, we already have too many snacks as it is!”

    “No, no, darling, you don’t get it. We’d leave the cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and we could eat the cookies as a snack, and then the cupcakes could be after dinner.” Tom tried to ration.

    “Tom, I’ll eat them all and then get bigger and you know I’m trying to look good this summer!” She whined, shaking her head and silently pleading for Tom to at least put one of the items he was holding back.

    Shuffling the food around in his arms, Tom attempted to clutch all the food with only one hand. Gently moving her hair away from her eyes, Tom kissed her temple. “Darling, you know that you’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with how you look, and nothing would be wrong with how you look even if you decided to inhale the entire pastry department on your own. I love the way you think, how kind you are to others, and you’re one of the smartest and least arrogant people that I know! I love you for your heart, and your brain. I thank the universe every night for your lungs and your kidneys, because they make you. You’re sweet-ass body just happens a perk of loving you.”

    Tom kissed her one last time before dropping down onto one knee before her, “c’mon angel, please?” He asked one last time.

    Rolling her eyes at her boyfriend’s cheesiness, she placed the cupcakes and the cinnamon rolls in her basket before leading Tom over to the fruit and asking him to pick out the crunchiest apples for their salad.

    When Tom fell to one knee again, it was after she had gone shopping with her friends and was currently modeling her new purchases at his request. She had exited the bathroom in which she was changing in, wearing an extremely short, white dress that left very little, if anything to Tom’s imagination. The dress was littered with small, red roses and had straps that were tied into a bow. As she twirled for him, Tom could see that the straps were the only thing holding her new dress together and by the time that she’d stopped her spinning, Tom was on one knee.

    “Should I take this off myself or do you wanna get up off the floor and help me?” She giggled, toying with the bow sitting atop her shoulder blade.

    As Tom carefully untied her dress and watched it fall to the ground, he muttered, “pretty ring would go nice with the roses.”

    She could barely hear what Tom had said, let alone comprehend it, as he began to pepper her exposed body with warm kisses. Stuttering out an barely audible, “uh-huh,” as Tom mouthed over the sensitive spot she had just beneath her ear.

    As time went on, “I’m on my knee,” became a phrase that she would hear from Tom almost as frequently as he said “I love you.” He’d drop to his knee in public, private, essentially everywhere they went. She was nearly convinced that Tom on his knee wouldn’t ever mean anything other than their inside joke, but little did she know how Tom feeling.

    Each time he dropped down onto one knee before her, it always made him long to obtain a ring to present her with. Considering that he was on his knee for her essentially everyday now, so much so that even the press was completely desensitized to photos of Tom on his knee before his girl, he was legitimately out and about looking for rings.

    He’d recruited his mother to assist with the search, begged Harrison, Jacob, his brothers, his father, and even her mother to help him with the search, but none of them could find a ring that Tom felt was worthy of her hands. Each time someone would send him a photo of a ring that left Tom dissatisfied, which was often, he’d simply send back the verse from ‘Somewhere I Have Never Traveled, Gladly Beyond,’ regarding the smallest of hands. At this point, nobody was sure what he meant. Once Harrison had tried to clarify what exactly the rain having tiny hands had to do with the ring search, but he came back describing a look of genuine craziness in his best mate’s eyes and decided to drop it.

    It was only after Tom had wandering into an antique shop with his mother that he found something perfect for her. The wedding ring was vintage and even came with an engagement ring, and after Tom had spent countless hours on the weekend thrifting and wandering in an out of hidden gem shops with his girl, he knew that she’d love it.

    Tom could only hide the ring for about a week. He was utter and complete shit at hiding things, especially from her, and the ring felt as if it was burning a hole through his pocket. He couldn’t wait to let the whole world know that she was going to his forever and he’d be hers for just as long. Tom just needed to create the perfect moment.

    Luckily for him, the perfect moment came the very next morning. Tom trailed behind her, kissing the back of her neck softly as she laughed and threaded her fingers up through his curls. They were deep within the poetry section of the most massive library Tom had ever seen and when she reached up to grab a novel, Tom felt as if the wind got knocked out of him. In her hands sat a copy of E. E. Cummings collected poems and while she sifted through the pages, Tom prayed inwardly to the universe for her to read the poem that he knew was destined to be hers.

    Not allowing her time to chose a poem, Tom dropped down to one knee while her back was still turned on him. Digging the ring out from the confines of his pocket, he could only get the last few lines of the poem out. “I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice in your eyes is deeper than all roses.”

    As Tom neared the end of the poem, she turned and opened her mouth to say the last verse with him. “Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.” She smiled, completely prepared to meet Tom’s eyes as she finally faced him.

    At first, the only thing her mind could register was that her boyfriend was on his knee, as always. It took her a second to take in the ring that glittered off of the library’s bright ceiling chandelier. Pressing a hand over her lips, she struggled to breath, her small hands gripping the open poetry book in her hands. “Do you mean it, Tom?” She questioned, her eyes flicking down to the ring he was presenting her with.

    His eyes were glassy in the light, and Tom smiled, “course I do, darling. I’m on my knee after all.”


Fueled By Desire (NSFW 18+)

A/N: So, today has been a crazy day but I started writing this last night and wanted to post it tonight ! So I wrote it in virtually 24 hours, so I hope it didn’t suck to bad. I planned on posting it earlier but I had a bit of writers block. This a Theo smut that you can thank @hardladyheart for. She’s filled my mind with dirty Theo thoughts. (Fun fact’ this gif is actually mine and my blog name used to be twfanfic-af)

Thanks to: @writing-obrien and @hardladyheart for editing and proof reading.

Warning: SMUTTTTT

Word Count: 2803

Originally posted by stilinski-jpeg

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Why You Should Pay Attention In Class, Feat. Dad and Dr. Puck

Gather ‘Round everyone, it’s time for another installment of Family Lore!

So back in the late 60′s  dad was getting his undergraduate at Cal Poly, because Dad was an early proto-nerd  (like really, he wrote a bunch of the groundwork for the thing that would eventually become the internet), and Cal Poly had one of the first comp sci programs in the country.   Also, it was like 10 miles from home, so he didn’t have to move out. However, because this was undergrad, dad had to take a bunch of non-major courses, so he decided to do geology because he’d been good at identifying rocks in boy scouts.

The course was taught by  gentleman named Dr. Puck, yes really, who was a brilliant geologist, but teaching a bunch of somewhat uninterested just-out-of-high-school kids about rocks can wear on you, even if you aren’t some sort of deranged fey creature.  So he tried his best to make it interesting, and Dad and most of the other kids had a fairly interesting time.

HOWEVER

Dad recounts that there were two girls in class who spent the entire time blowing off lecture, talking and generally being a distracting nuisance, until they heard that a quiz was coming up, then they’d pester and bully anyone for notes, usually Dad.  This went on for about three months and virtually everyone in class was grinding their teeth at these two, but Dad in particular, who did not appreciate being accosted in the hall by these two, who would alternately offer sexual favors for his notes, or threaten to start rumors about him if he didn’t help them study.  Puck knew some shit was up, but dad wasn’t eager to start legal action in his first semester, not to mention it was the 60′s and rampant patriarchy would have meant nobody would have believed him.

One Day, Dr. Puck organized a field for the class to the Santa Cruz Mountains, which are full of all manner of interesting geology things, most notably, fossils.  Really stinking cool ones.  Everyone is having a nice time hiking through the hills, looking at all the picturesque geology, when they round a corner and see a Big Goddamn RIB, just sticking out of the side of the trail.  Everyone goes OOOOOOH appreciatively, and Puck explains that this is an ancient Whale that UC Santa Cruz was digging up, but he knew someone in their geo department, so he got the goods on the site.

He then explains, in grand gestures and with the sort of vivacity that only people of Fey ancestry can muster, how this used to be an ancient seabed, but due to the magic Natural Geologic Process of Continental drift and Uplift, this whale was now some 2000 feet above sea level.  He spent a good twenty minutes telling the tale, while everyone took notes.

Almost everyone.

Literally the moment after Puck finished, one of the girls finally noticed the GIANT FUCKING RIB and asked him “But Dr. Puck- how did  whale get all the way up here?”

Puck, somehow, did not explode, but instead stood up to his full five-feet-and-one-and-one half-inches and explained in his most deadpan, eloquent lecture voice.

“This is a Great Flying Whale of the Cretaceous Period.”  He gestured at the Rib.  “They used to migrate here to Santa Cruz to breed, from their winter grounds in Hawaii, and would build magnificent nests out of kelp.”

Dad recalls stuffing his notes into his mouth to keep from laughing.  His more silver-tongued classmates began to chip in.

“Didn’t they used to eat Stegosaurs?  Just swooped down and gobbled them up.”  a student asked, trying not to snicker.

“Indeed!  They were far from the gentle giants we have today!” Puck agreed.  “Teeth the size of your arm, and long sticky tongues to catch smaller prey with.”

“How did they fly?” Asked another, ready to hear a choice piece of bullshit.

“Oh, gravity was much weaker back then, so they could ‘swim’ through the air with only the aid of a few helium bladders.”  he nodded sagely.  “Yes, and when they fossilized, the bladders were preserved.  Santa Cruz has some of the finest Helium mines in the world thanks to these magnificent beasts.”

“Wow.”  Muttered one of the girls, scribbling notes furiously.  Dad unwaded the parper from his mouth, ready to drive the nail into the coffin.

“Is this going to be on the test?” He asked, sweetly.

“Oh yes.”  Puck nodded gravely.

Sure enough, two weeks later, there was a test, and at the very bottom was the following:

“EXTRA CREDIT: explain everything innacurate/wrong about The Great Flying Whales Of The Cretaceous Period.  One Point per Idea that makes me Laugh.”

And that’s how Dad walked out of geology with 106% and the invaluable knowledge that people will believe ANYTHING if you speak with enough conviction.

some fox hcs bc i’m sick and it’s all i’ve been thinking about:

  • when they have movie nights, allison and matt have a competition to see who can catch more popcorn in their mouths. allison always wins so matt just throws popcorn at her without even letting her catch it
  • they all go team grocery shopping after finding out neil has never had at least 50% of the junk food they all grew up on
  • renee takes up crocheting and makes them all fox print patterned socks. they wear them every movie night(even andrew)
  • nicky gets homesick sometimes and when he does he makes a lot of the traditional dishes his mom would and the foxes eat all of it even though they literally saw nicky chopping raw jalapenos earlier
  • allison and dan are real housewives fanatics and they will kill a man to get to the tv. kevin still has the scars on his arm from where allison nearly clawed his arm off for trying to change the tv
  • the foxes do charity dog washing at a nearby pet shelter and neil literally almost gets smothered by the biggest dog there and that’s when the foxes find out neil is the biggest dog magnet
  • nicky makes the mistake of teaching andrew to bake and he never leaves the kitchen. but the tower always smells like vanilla so that’s a bonus
  • neil cannot cook for shit and i’m standing by this until i die. he tried making cup noodles in the dorm microwave and matt came back to a small fire and a calm neil just watching the fire blaze
  • neil twists his ankle falling down some stairs and matt uses this as an excuse to bridal carry him everywhere
  • “do i even weigh anything to you?”  “no, it’s like holding a couple of grapes.”
  • allison and neil take exactly 5 hours every saturday to go shopping, get facials, gossip. allison has video proof of neil sitting on a lounge chair with his whole face covered in a cucumber face mask, sipping lemon water, and getting his nails done. he looks right into her camera and in the most deadpan voice says “ah yes, the bourgeoisie.” the video ends with allison snickering and dropping her phone 
  • whenever anyone is late to practice they have to go on a run with neil and every time they fall behind is a lap they have to do at the next practice. no one is late again after kevin comes back from a run and passes the fuck out
  • the foxes went to disney world once and lost andrew. they don’t speak of it ever again. 
  • matt when asked by some sexist reporter why he listens to what the girls tell him to do: dan’s my girlfriend, renee could kill me, and allison has enough dirt on me to ruin my life until i die. also i respect them more than your crusty ass so that’s there as well. next question?
  • (matt isn’t allowed to do press duty for the next week after that)
  • kevin, five drinks in and nearing tipsy: if renee ever became a villian we’d all be screwed
  • the rest of the foxes except for renee and andrew: AMEN
  • casual cheek kisses are a thing among the foxes but no one kisses neil around andrew unless they want to lose a toe
  • it isn’t a question if whether or not a drunk kevin has acidentally called andrew “aaron”, it’s whether or not kevin actually made it out alive
  • nicky matt, and neil all have a shared exasperation for White People Food
  • neil and renee have been banned from nearly evershopping center within 50 miles of palmetto bc they wouldn’t stop throwing the knives to test how sharp they were
  • aaron and andrew play pokemon against each other(even tho andrew is more partial to acnl) and andrew manages to beat aaron’s entire team with just a jigglypuff and no one knows how he did it
  • once neil got really drunk and before he went to bed he kissed everyone’s foreheads(aaron left right after neil kissed renee’s) like his mom used to do to him before she went to sleep and it left everyone in shock

As promised, a map of (general) Netflix MCU locations/territories in New York! This is more to give you a general sense of where people are located, how much turf they’re covering (not much, Matthew), and how much distance they have to travel to get to one another. It’s not precise because with few exceptions, we don’t know exact addresses, but I did my best.

Also please note that sometimes a show will say they’re in one place but they’re actually filming somewhere else (for example, much of Daredevil was filmed in Brooklyn and the building they use for Jessica’s “Hell’s Kitchen” apartment is nowhere near there). Where I recognized the location or neighborhood and it wasn’t textually contradicted, I placed the character there, but later shows may identify Trish or Danny or whoever as being based elsewhere. We’ll see!

Further details, explanations, and speculation behind the cut!

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A piece of art I did to thank the kind and mysterious Deals Warlock cosplayer who bestowed upon me a hallowed ticket to The Adventure Zone ( @theadventurezone ) San Diego live show just when I had begun to give up all hope that I would ever get to see it (literally, this happened about an hour or two before the show). 

Being at SDCC was pretty effing cool to start with, but this guy and this ticket to this show made it positively MAGICAL. I don’t even know how to express how happy I was and how much it meant to me. So here’s a drawing I did of him as a Deals Warlock working sinister D&D magic! 

For a step-by-step gif of this pic, see here. For more TAZ fanart from me, see here.

EDIT 30/08/17 Holy moly. Thank you very much for the lovely response to this drawing! I’ve got my fingers crossed that amongst the notes, somewhere, is the Warlock himself. I was thinking… I may pay the good karma forward and get this printed to do a giveaway? What say ye, Tumblr? It’ll take me a while to get a new print run ordered (life’s a tad busy atm, and I prefer to bundle a few different prints together in one print order) But when I do, you down for that? 

EDIT 01/10/17 Ok, I have three shiny 8x10s (unlike Taako, am I right??) to give away to 3 people in the notes, chosen by a random number generator. And those three people are….drumroll…. @offkeymidnight @thingonmyback​ and @sherlocks-bitch-moriarty​ ! To claim your print, drop me a message here on Tumblr before Friday the 13th of October (oooooo spooky), and we can sort out postage. (Unfortunately if I do not get a message before then I will not be able to send the picture). 

2

Quote 14: “Great, what did you bring home this time?” for @aconsultinghobbitinthetardis and @johnlockismyreligion

I wanted John to be the one who brought home some unwanted stuff instead of the usual “Sherlock has brought home a dead (insert species)’s head” XDD

Hope you don’t mind:)

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Be A Good Girl - Smut

Originally posted by hothothotgg

Author: @dumbass-stilinski
Rating: NSFW 18+
Pairing: Stiles Stilinski/Reader
Words: 4,294
AN: PURE FILTH. I apologize in advance. Thanks to @writing-obrien and @celestial-writing for their input and Chloe for worrying that I was killing the poor reader here. Trust me, she can handle it lmao.


To say that Stiles was a bit of an exhibitionist was an understatement. He liked to fuck you wherever and whenever he wanted, and he got off on the fact that you could be caught at any moment. It had surprised you at first, the normally sarcastic and awkward boy hadn’t struck you as the type, but he was kinky as fuck, and good at what he did. He could leave you a writhing, panting mess with just his words, and his mouth and tongue were more than you could handle sometimes. His fingers were a godsend, and he knew how to get you off quicker than you could do it yourself. On top of his insatiable daddy kink, things with him were never boring.

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I'm Legit Laughing At How Extra Taylor Swift Is Hiding From The Paparazzi

In case you’ve been stranded in the middle of the ocean on a boat on Mars, then you know that Taylor Swift is in the midst of her “dark era.” She hasn’t done any interviews yet and is just kind of randomly dropping songs and a deeply layered music video. We don’t actually know if she’s going to physically appear in the flesh. She’s essentially a ghost.

This past weekend, Taylor was in Martha’s Vineyard for her best friend’s wedding. Because Taylor is doing this whole dark thing, she did everything she possibly could to hide from the paparazzi…

…and to be honest, it’s kind of amazing and we should all strive to someday be this level of extra. Let me show you.

When she landed off her private jet, Taylor was shuffled to a SUV and was covered by not one, not two, but three umbrellas.

THREE UMBRELLAS and a random ginger lady!

People into feet and shins are rejoicing because we did get a glimpse of her two feet, six toes, her left arm, part of her right sleeve, and her belt region.


And that’s not all!

The hiding gets better.Taylor one upped her three umbrella masquerade with three old men, two black table cloths, and two umbrellas at a restaurant.

Take notes, you basic plebes. This is how you make an insanely obvious inconspicuous exit. Truly legendary.

I think we can all agree, the real star of this stakeout is her iconic older minion and lifter of the cloth: Random Old Guy In Grey Suit. You my friend, are a legend.

There’s more! 

My absolute favorite picture of Taylor’s weekend in hiding is this picture of her driving away from a night out. As you can see, the table cloth has been put between the back seat and the driver. It’s brilliant and insane and I love it.

So basically, some of you may be saying “what the fuck did I just read?” And that’s exactly what you should be saying because this is 2017 and Taylor Swift covered in multiple table cloths is news.

ts1989fanatic What’s so funny is this is from BuzzFeed who write so much trash about Taylor, and all they can come up with is Some random ginger lady. Can swifties tell them who that random ginger lady is can we say Tree.

Bum’s diary

”Dear Diary! Today I found out that I have a boyfriend! ♥

“I was a little surprised but I guess Sangwoo forgot to tell me because we were so busy recently. 

“We don’t go out much, but even our love can’t stay locked up forever. Today we finally went on date! We even wore cute matching outfits~!

Sangwoo’s arms look good tied up behind his back like that. It makes all of his muscles bulge.I wonder if anyone would notice if I licked his shoulder?

“Dear diary, my boyfriend is so romantic! ♥ Even though I’m so useless he proclaimed our love in front of everybody.

And there is even more! But this is so embarrassing I don’t know how to write it down. We also… we k-kissed! Again.

“How did Sangwoo learn to do that with his tongue? I have a lot to learn too if I want to be a good boyfriend! This is the first time I’ve had a boyfriend after all. Love really does change how you see the world. It feels as if everyone is looking at us.

“Note to self: Get both of us longer shorts…

“I have to go now. This nosy man keeps asking me about Sangwoo. Next time I’ll tell you all about renovations we are doing in our house. Sangwoo has been painting the floor.

 “P.S.: My Sangwoo is so sweet when he’s being spontaneous. I want to suck his cock hold hands again soon!”

anonymous asked:

richie crying, eddie comforting him, I NEED IT

Thank you so much for sending this… I didn’t realise how badly I needed to read/write this until I got this ask

(Note: they are both, again, 18 in this. Okay let’s be real, in all of my reddit writings Eddie and Richie will ALWAYS be 18)


Eddie could see it clear as day: how Richie was slowly distancing himself from the group, and how, when he did hang out with the losers, his jokes were getting more and more frequent. The rest of the losers couldn’t see it as well as Eddie could, but they just didn’t know the older boy the way that Eddie did.

It was a Friday afternoon and the losers were doing what they had been doing every Friday since they met: sitting by the quarry in a circle, passing around bags of lollies, making up jokes, and telling each other stories from their week at school.

Everyone was sitting criss-cross on the small rocks by the water, dust and dirt spread all over their legs. Eddie, though he was sat in the same position, had a towel placed underneath him to avoid anything out of the ordinary touching his skin.

“Did you guys hear that rumour that Henry spread around?” Beverly said, her head turning side to side and looking at each person in the group.

Richie kept his head down, staring at his hands in his lap as if he’d never seen anything more interesting in his entire life. However the rest of the group all shook their heads no and motioned for Beverly to continue.

“He’s been telling everyone that he read Richie’s journal and in it he said he was gay!”

“What!?” Ben exclaimed. “What a stupid rumour!”

The rest of the group nodded their heads and laughed along, yet Richie simply didn’t move once. Eddies giggles slowed down when he noticed this, and he moved closer to Richie.

“Hey, it’s just a dumb thing that Henry made up,” Eddie said as he placed a hand on Richie’s knee, attempting to cheer the older boy up. “No one believes it, don’t worry!”

“Yeah, man,” Mike jumped in. “None of us believe the shit that comes out of Bowers’ mouth.”

Richie’s head snapped up and he stared intently at Mike. The look on his face wasn’t happiness like Mike was expecting, however it wasn’t a look of sadness or anger either. Simply a look. And as fast as his head has risen, Richie was up and running through the trees and out into the street.

“Well, th-that was weird,” Bill pointed out. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement except for Eddie. The small boy was still staring at the spot in the trees where Richie has disappeared into, and suddenly it made sense. Why Richie hardly ever hung out with everyone anymore. And why, when he did, he was so far away, like he wasn’t even listening to what people were saying. He’d just crack his inappropriate jokes, then leave as fast as he had arrived.

But Eddie had put it together. It was true - the rumour. It was the only explanation.

“I’ll get him,” Eddie said quickly. He didn’t bother waiting for anyone to protest and he dashed off into the trees in search of his friend.

As he exited the trees, he was expecting to have to run all over town in an attempt to find Richie. What Eddie wasn’t expecting though, was for Richie to be sat on the pavement directly across the road. He had his knees shoved underneath his chin, his hands pressed into his face and a pair of violently shaking shoulders.

Well, this was certainly a sight that Eddie had never seen in all his years of knowing Richie. Richie was the smart ass kid who had a comeback for everything. He didn’t get sad. He didn’t storm off. And he certainly didn’t cry. Ever.

Eddie looked both ways numerous time before running across the road. Richie heard the heavy foot steps and gently pulled his hands away from his face. He looked up and saw the smaller boy standing next to him, a look of pure understanding and sympathy plastered all over his soft features.

“It’s not just a rumour, is it?” Eddie whispered as he placed a hand on Richie’s shoulder. As much as he wanted to sit on the pavement next to the sad boy, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how many bugs and dust and dirt were spread all over the cement. He regretted not grabbing his towel before he ran away from the group.

Richie didn’t reply. He simply put his head back in his hands and began sobbing once more.

Eddie didn’t know what to do. He had never been very good at comforting people, let alone comforting a crying Richie of all people.

“Oh, fuck it,” Eddie muttered to himself. He sat down on the pavement, pushing all of those thoughts of germs far into the back of his mind, and pulled Richie’s hands away from his face.

“Do you hate me?” Richie whispered with his head still looking down. It was so soft that Eddie almost didn’t hear. Almost.

“Are you serious?” Eddie said, a defensive chuckle escaping his lips. He reach forward and grabbed Richie’s face in his small hands. “There will never be a single moment in time where I will hate you. Ever. Do you hear me?”

Richie nodded, and Eddie wiped the tears that were streaming down the older boys’ face.

“That’s why I’ve been avoiding you so much. I didn’t want you to know I liked you,” Richie sniffed.

Eddies eyes widened. Well, he wasn’t expecting that.

“Wha- what did you just say?”

“You didn’t know?” Richie asked. Eddie shook his head, eyes still as big as his face. “Oh. Fuck.”

Eddies hands never left Richie’s face as the tears started to calm down. The feeling of the smaller boys’ finger tips (Jack Dylan) graz(er)ing over his cheeks helped settle the sniffles and soon enough Richie was giggling uncontrollably. Eddie looked back up to Richie, confused thoughts running through his head as he wondered what Richie could possibly be laughing at when this was such a serious time.

“What? What’s so funny?!” Eddie questioned.

“This is just so weird!” Richie giggled. He wrapped his hands around eddies wrists and pecked him on the cheek, a wide smile making its way onto his face as he pulled away. Eddie could still feel the linger of Richie’s soft curls on his face, and shortly after he too was giggling uncontrollably.

Before they knew it, both boys were laying back on the pavement, arms wrapped around their stomachs and howls of laughter erupting from their mouths. The laid there for what felt like forever, chuckling even more when they’d open their eyes and look at each other.

After a few minutes, Eddie opened his eyes at the same time as Richie, yet no sounds came out of either of them. The stayed laying on the footpath, staring into each other eyes until Richie finally leapt up and onto eddies lap so that he was straddling the tiny boy.

“Wha- what are you doing, Rich?” Eddie asked. Richie didn’t say anything. He just put his hands on either side of Eddie’s head, leant down, and gently placed his lips on top of Eddie’s. So light, like a soft breeze washing over them.

Eddie couldn’t believe how right it felt. How nice and how gentle. And he couldn’t believe he was actually kissing back until he grabbed Richie’s plump cheeks and attempted to pull their faces even closer together. If that were at all possible.

They pulled away, foreheads resting against one another’s and hot breaths coming out of their mouths.

“Well, I didn’t know how badly I wanted that until it happened,” Eddie breathed out, a light giggle escaping his lips.

“I’ve always known how badly I wanted that.”