how did i never notice the tears before

I hate that I love you (James Potter x Ravenclaw reader pt. 3)

“You-you what?” you stuttered. You eyes were frantically searching his for any signs of dishonesty. Was this his idea of a funny prank? 

“You heard me, y/n. I love you” he said more confident than before. Thought the  tears running down his cheeks gave away how afraid he was of rejection.

“N-no you don’t. This isn’t funny, Potter.”

“Are you really that stupid, y/l/n?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that I have been in love with you since third year, and you never noticed. I mean, why did you think I was trying to get your attention all the time? It was pretty obvious, everyone knew. Well, except you, that is.” he breathed.

“I thought you hated me, James!” you were about to continue this statement, but he interrupted you;

“I don’t hate you! I never hated you! have you got any idea of how hard it was for me to see you date all those guys?”

“Yeah right, “all those guys”. I went on one date with Rogers in fourth year” you defended yourself. Then it hit you, that was what David meant when he said he didn’t want to go out with you anymore. He had called you “Potter’s girl”, but you hadn’t thought anything of it at the time.

“H-How do you feel?” he asked sounding truly insecure.

You had never admitted it to yourself, but you had always found James attractive. The way he could ramble on about quidditch for ages, the was his brown eyes would twinkle when he was planning a prank, his messy black hair that you just wanted to run your hands through. You hadn’t let these thoughts fill your mind in years because you never considered the possibility that he might feel the same. But, at the same time, he had bullied Severus.

“I don’t know” you said. Somehow, it sounded more like a question that a statement.

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know” you confirmed.

“How can you not know?”

“It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“It’s all so confusing, James. I can’t think properly when I’m with you. You make me feel all these feelings that I don’t want to feel. Especially not about you. I-I think I love you”

He stared at you for a few moments, blinking hard, like it was a dream or something. Like you were going to say that it was just a joke. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off;

“And I hate it. I hate that I love you, James Potter!”

Before you had the chance to say anything else, his lips were on yours.

**********

“And that was how I brought Prongs and our lovely y/n/n together!” Sirius slurred.

“Shut up, Padfoot!” James shouted with a grin from beside you. He looked terribly handsome with his black suit, he had even tried to comb his messy hair back. The guest clapped for Sirius as he ended his speech.

Then, you felt a pair of warm lips brush your ear.

“You know, right now, I am thinking I should have made Moony the best man.” James hot breath fanned you neck as you snorted.

“At least I didn’t cry during his speech. Lily’s was too touching. I must look like like shit right now” you laughed motioning to your face that probably  had the makeup smudged.

James looked from your eyes, to your wedding dress, then back to your eyes.

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen” he had so much adoration in his eyes that you couldn’t help but blush.

“Thank you, mr. Potter” you said in a fake posh voice.

“No, thank you, mrs. Potter”

Then his lips were on yours again, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whilst reading the last pages of this book, (I was on the bus) I could not hold back my feelings.
Firstly, I was in denial. Then came despair, anguish, grief. But they rapidly turned into anger and frustration. Just like how Violet was feeling, after finding Theo. You could easily identify a constellation of tears on my lashes, as I noticed some people in my surroundings did. Someone asked me if I was okay. I said I was.

Violet, on the other hand, never cried in front of anyone. Never showed any signs of weakness. People would look at her and they would never know there’s a Before and After she met Finch. Her parents were worried about her because of this. She had gone through so much heartache and loss in less than a year, they thought she might do something she would regret, because of the whole “depression-by-association” thing most people unconsciously believe in. But she didn’t.

In Finch’s funeral, dozens of people showed up. Hundreds, even. Many had never said a kind word to him and most were from school. And they were all crying their eyes out. This made Violet furious. She kept thinking how fake this scenario was and how his family didn’t deserve to receive their condolences, because she was the one closest to him and who’s suffering his loss the most.

That evening, she tortured herself by reading all their conversations they had via Facebook. And then she opened the notebook she was using during their wanderings and wrote what follows:

“Letter to Someone who Committed Suicide”
by Violet Markey
Where are you? And why did you go? I guess I’ll never know this. Was it because I made you mad? Because I tried to help? Because I didn’t answer when you threw rocks at my window? What if I had answered? What would you have said to me? Would I have been able to talk you into staying or talk you out of doing what you did? Or would that have happened anyway?
Do you know my life is forever changed now? I used to think that was true because you came into it and showed me Indiana and, in doing that, forced me out of my room and into the world. Even when we weren’t wandering, even from the floor of your closet, you showed me the world to me. I didn’t know that my life forever changing would be because you loved me and then left, and in such a final way.

So I guess there was no Great Manifesto after all, even though you made me believe there was. I guess there was only a school project.
I’ll never forgive you for leaving me. I just wish you could forgive me. You saved my life.”

After this, she carried on with the wanderings for their project on her own. She took the map in which Finch had already pointed out their next destinations, even with a numerical order to follow. As she visited each place, she began to realize that he didn’t choose the order or the places at random, as she notices clues and evidence of his previous presence and they were all related to the messages he had sent her before he went to his final destination.

In the last wandering, she stumbled upon an envelope inside a Bible in this chapel, that was the “sanctuary for weary travelers to stop and rest along their way”, and the lyrics to the song he wrote her were carefully scrawled on a piece of paper inside it.

“You make me happy,
Whenever you’re around I’m safe inside your smile,
You make me handsome,
Whenever I feel my nose seems just a bit too round,
You make me special,
and God knows I’ve longed to be the kind of guy to have around,
You make me love you,
And that could be the greatest thing my heart was fit to do….
You make me lovely, and it’s lovely to be lovely to the one I love….
You make me happy…
You make me special…
You make me lovely…”

Even if their wanderings together weren’t recorded and she won’t be able to have physical memories of everything they did together, she realized that it doesn’t matter what you take, but what you leave behind.

She wrote him an epitaph.

Theodore Finch. – I was alive. I burned brightly. And then I died, but not really. Because someone like me cannot, will not, die like everyone else. I linger like the legends of the Blue Hole. I will always be here, in the offerings and people I left behind.

Fic: Misinterpretation

Josh has some feelings. Donna is way off the mark. For the prompt “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” as requested a horribly long time ago by pillnerforpawnee. Rated G.

Also on AO3.

‘It’s not like there are many women just wandering around the office that you’d want to date.’

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General Preference: ‘When I Was Your Man’ by Bruno Mars

Author: Rhine

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MICHAEL –

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don’t feel the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is tear me down
‘Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It always felt a little – off – without you. He never noticed it, he never realized how the air was a little harder to breathe, how his steps seemed a little heavier, how the world was a little less vibrant without you. And of course he never did before; he always had you by his side. But now that you’re gone – now that he’s driven you away – Michael sees it. He knows now that you were that equilibrium in the chaos of his life, you were the glue that held all the pieces together; you were the harmony that made the song sweeter and the pinpricks of stars glimmering in the night that made something ordinary into something magical. And it’s a bit of a shame, really, how Michael doesn’t realize it until it’s gone – until you’re gone, and he’s left with empty sheets and tuneless melodies; until he fully understands the meaning of the word love and the smile your name brought him. And now that it’s all gone – now that he’s left with nothing – all the things he’s lost and all the things he once loved are nothing but bitter reminders of everything he let slip away.

LUKE –

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should’ve bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should’ve gave you all my hours
When I had the chance

They were all excuses – I have to do this interview, I have to be recording, I need to write this song – and he knew it. They were all feeble words to disguise the ugly meaning underneath – I can’t be with you right now. And while he didn’t pick up on it himself, you noticed what the words meant – of course you did, how could you not when they scarred your skin every time they left his lips? You knew he was just too busy for you, you just weren’t worth his precious time and effort. So you changed his meaning into one of your own – I can’t be with you, not like this – and you walked out and in a way, you think it wouldn’t matter to him, not when he never gave the time of day to you or even the smallest hint of effort. You walking out of his life would just be a small speedbump in the grand scheme of the great things he should’ve been doing instead of being with you – the great things he was always so busy with. But that’s the one thing that you’re wrong about – Luke understands now, he knows that he name alone isn’t alone to support a relationship, that empty words that echoed a faint love wouldn’t be enough. That he had to do more. He had to be more. But most importantly, he should’ve known better.

CALUM –

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, oh
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It’s a curse, he thinks. Because now Calum’s forced to see what he missed before – he’s forced to see all his wrongs, all just a little too late. Because now he knows, now he knows that one time he should’ve let you choose, he should’ve said I love you, he should’ve called, he should’ve come back earlier, he should’ve helped – all the times where he should’ve but he didn’t, Calum sees now all too clearly. He sees his mistakes and he sees you walking away, walking out that door and his very last should’ve – he should’ve stopped you. He should’ve held you tight. He should’ve begged, he should’ve apologized, he should’ve done something – anything but his frozen stare as he watched you go. And it’s the very thought that keeps him up at night; all of his stupid wrongs and silly fights, all of the things he didn’t noticed and all the things he should’ve. It’s the worst part, he thinks. Because he sees it all now but it’s too late – it’s too late and he can’t do anything but drown in his mistakes, stuck in the memories of the moments that he could’ve changed while you moved on without him.

ASHTON –

Take you to every party
‘Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should’ve done
When I was your man

You deserved better. Ashton knew that – you deserved someone who would love you right, someone who would cherish you and love you in all the ways he didn’t. In all the ways he should’ve, all the ways he failed to do. And now, he can only hope you found someone to give you all the things he didn’t – someone to create those charmingly radiant smiles and savour them right, someone to show you off to the world and show you a new world, someone to twirl you around and around and just hold you tight, like you were meant to, like you were meant to be. And Ashton supposes that’s just it – you weren’t meant to be because he couldn’t be enough when you needed him to be. He didn’t  do the very fundamental basics of loving you right, and he’s lucky that someone like you could even give him the chance, let alone love him for as long as you did when he did so little for someone who should’ve gotten the world. And Ashton thinks he deserves it, in a way – this heartbreak. He deserves it because you always deserved so much more, and this was the price he had to pay for falling short, for breaking your heart. And while he’s still nursing his own broken pieces, he can only hope – as much as it hurts to think about – Ashton can only hope that one day, someone won’t make the same mistakes he did in loving you.

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