how did i make this what is happening

destielonfire  asked:

I saw your notes on the outrageous post about the 1% and I couldn't help but be curious about they things your friend experienced...

Hi there! So, yeah, it’s kind of a freakish story, because I went to high school with this girl - we were in the same class, and she was so sweet - the bookwormish and Did you know there’s a wasp called Aha ha and ‘save the whales’ kind of student, you know? And after graduating, she studied maths, and then we sort of lost touch - I heard she was working in London when I was living in the UK, so I reached out and got a very weird email back. We finally met on a train, just randomly, about five years after that, and that’s when she told me what had happened to her.

[Disclaimer: I’m not saying all banks and consulting companies are cults, but if how much money you make depends on how many people you screw over, then maybe it’s normal you attract a crowd of psychopaths and pathological narcissists, and things generally go downhill from there.]

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dying-for-jegulus  asked:

How about everyone lets Reggie heal a bit before pushing him into another relationship? The last time we pushed someone into a relationship, it was James, and see what happened. I admit I'll never ship Bartylus, but if it happens, at least make it end well. None of these boys deserve any more heartbreak.

((OOC: How can you not ship them, they are just my liiiiiiiife ❤️❤️❤️❤️  Then again, that’s probably what you wonder about people who don’t ship Jegulus, so… XD))

Regulus: I’m not ready for another relationship yet anyway.  People can push all they want, but I’m not going to do what James did to me and get into a relationship when I’m not ready.  It’s not fair on either of us.

Part 2: The Reconcile

Part one

Netherlands: *Does he even understand how much that hurts? God, how do I react to such a thing? I-..*

Netherlands: “Please don’t call me that, Daan. It… hurts to be called something like that, when… all I ever do is love you. I love you… I may not have shown it properly before, but damn it I care about you more than anything in the world! Just like all your siblings, I love you too and I’m scared that you don’t want me to be part of your life anymore..! I’ve seen how you act, I know what you’re doing… because it’s like a damn déja vu, it’s like I’m looking in a mirror and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as I did! I’m not perfect, and I’ve said things I shouldn’t, but I will never forgive myself if something happened to you. I’ve been trying to show you that I love you in all the ways possible to me, but it’s all fallen onto deaf man’s ears… But I still try and try again, time upon time, and-..”

Comment on fanfics

A few days back on AO3 I found an unfinished, two chapter spideypool fanfic that was cute and had lots of potential and was also last updated two years ago. Two whole years! And it had only three comments, all of which on chapter one, none on chapter two. I enjoyed the fanfic, despite it being far, FAR from being finished and the chance of it ever updating again anytime soon was just about zero. So you know what I did?

I wrote a damn comment. On chapter two.

And I made sure that fucker was long and had a small theory of where I think the author would take the fanfic in the future. I let the person behind the fic know that I friggin LOVED the two chapters I got to read! That I would LOVE to see more! That I’d jump out of my skin in happiness and virtually hug them half to death if I saw that they updated it.

Let me remind you this fic wasn’t updated in two YEARS! I was the first to comment on it in a year. And the first to comment on chapter two! And you know what happened today?

I got a reply.

From the author of the fanfic.
And the author said how I gave them life for a project they had loved (still did) and that they were now working on a third chapter.
After two YEARS of not updating. Of not writing. And it makes me so friggin happy seeing what I did. What I caused.

With a single. Damn. Comment.

All that it took for me was to think a bit about what I wanted to tell the author and the comment it. All it took was one comment. And suddenly this person was inspired to continue a fanfic they had abandoned for TWO YEARS!!

I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t be more proud.

Comment on people’s fanfics. No matter how few chapters there are. No matter how many years have passed since their last update. Comment. You like a fanfic? Comment on it. It’s that easy.

Since November, more than two dozen women - of all ages, but mostly in their twenties - had approached me in restaurants, theaters, and stores to apologize for not voting or for not doing more to help my campaign. I responded with forced smiles and tight nods. On one occasion, an older woman dragged her adult daughter over by the arm to come talk to me and ordered her to apologize for not voting - which she did, head bowed in contrition. I wanted to stare right in her eyes and say ‘You didn’t vote? How could you note vote?! You abdicated your responsibility as a citizen at the worst possible time! And now you want *me* to make *you* feel better?’ Of course I didn’t say any of that.
These people were looking for absolution that I just couldn’t give. We all have to live with the consequences of our decisions.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, “What Happened”

4

This was the second thing i did for the anniverssary. I came with the idea for this comic when i was over a hard time and i think it’s kind of strange how this relate with what happened in the fandom a few days ago.  

Maybe all what we need is to have a little star around us.

Happy anniversary, Miraculous

7

Honestly same tho

Tord: hallo old friends!

Edd: Tord!

Tord: ahh~

Edd: did you just side step me?

Tord: how I’ve missed you~ my little friend

Tom: omg what??

Edd: TORD!?

Tord: RINGO
*Kissy noises*

Edd: well, I don’t know about YOU, but I’m not even mad.
Really fucking relived actually…

“Potter, what is that?” Draco asks with urgency, his chest constricting in pain as he catches a glimpse of something dark coiling up Harry’s forearm.

Harry shoves his sleeve down and jumps up to meet Draco, his wand clattering to the floor. “Nothing. How did you find – “

“Show me.”

“I don’t – “

“Show me. Now.” Draco demands. He can’t believe this is happening. As if it isn’t horrible enough seeing it on his own arm every day.

Harry pulls up his sleeve slowly to reveal it – The Dark Mark – etched into his flesh. Draco holds back a gag.

“It’s not what you think,” Harry says.

Draco’s eyes dart between the mark and Harry’s face. “It’s – how did – why?”

“I wanted to practice removing it,” Harry says slowly, his meaning clear. It only makes Draco angrier.

“So you gave yourself a Dark Mark? You reckless idiot. What if you can’t remove it? Did you even think about that before you – “ Draco stops himself. Of course he didn’t. He’s Harry fucking Potter. Draco sighs and tries to calm himself. He’s not responsible for Harry’s idiotic antics. “How did you even manage to replicate it?” He asks, his voice measured.

Harry smiles weakly. “Well, a fragment of Voldemort’s soul was inside me for most of my life and his magic left a pretty big trace. I just… accessed it.”

Once again Draco holds back a gag. The thought of Voldemort’s magic, so dark, so cruel, inside of Harry Potter, the Gryffindor Saint, is too much. It’s horrifying.

Draco takes a breath and asks Harry the question he already knows the answer to: “Why do you need to know how to remove a Dark Mark?” He needs to hear the idiot say it.

Sure enough: “So I can remove yours.”

Draco grits his teeth. He’s furious that Harry has put himself in danger for him. Again. “You don’t owe me anything, Potter.”

“I know,” Harry says. But he doesn’t.

“You can’t just go around saving people all the time!” Draco’s raised voice echoes throughout the room.

“Why not?”

“Not everyone wants to be saved,” Draco points out. He doesn’t want Harry risking anything for him. How could he ask that of anyone, after all that he’s done?

“You don’t want the mark removed?” Harry questions, his eyes falling down to Draco’s left arm.

Draco’s mark is covered but he tugs on his sleeve regardless. “It reminds me of who I am.”

Harry frowns. “That’s exactly why you need it removed. That’s not who you are, Draco.”

Draco blanches, surprised at the use of his first name and Harry quickly corrects himself. “I mean Malfoy.”

Draco lets his eyes fall back down to Harry’s mark, taking in the harsh lines of the coiling snake and skull, and the red raw skin beneath. He shudders. “Looks like you haven’t had much success anyway,” he says as casually as he can manage. But inside, his heart is tight. Because now Harry will have to live with the Dark Mark the rest of his life. Just like Draco, he’ll be forced to carry the weight of the inescapable dark magic within his skin, forced to feel it crawling through his veins, through his every spell, with no relief and no hope of salvation.

“I’m getting close. Before you came in, I could feel it moving.” Harry retrieves his wand from the floor and points it at his Dark Mark, eyebrows tightening in concentration.

“Go on, then. No other Wizard has been able to do it, but I’m sure even a Dark Mark will be no match for the great Harry Pot – oh.” Draco’s knees buckle. “Oh.”

Against all logic, Harry removes the Dark Mark as if it is nothing more than a muggle tattoo. The head of the snake recoils into a rapidly shrinking skull until all that is left is smooth, untainted skin.

Malfoy yanks up his sleeve and holds out his arm to Harry. Despite all his protesting, he wants to be saved. More than anything.

Harry’s hand wraps under Draco’s arm holding it in place and he raises his wand. Draco screws up his eyes in anticipation - he cannot bear to witness the removal in case it doesn’t work properly. What if his Dark Mark is worse than Harry’s, having come from Voldemort himself? What if – Oh.

Draco doesn’t need to see it happen because he feels it. He feels the darkness extracted from his body, feels strength returning to his limbs. And he feels light. Lighter than he can ever remember. As if he might just float away. He opens his eyes and stares down at his clear, unmarked skin.

There’s a sense of twisted deja vu when Draco looks up from his arm. He remembers looking up into Voldemort’s eyes after he was given the mark, and feeling colder than he’s ever felt before. But now when he looks up into his saviour’s eyes, into Harry Potter eyes, it’s warmth he feels, from the smooth skin on his forearm to the centre of his heart.

He blinks back his tears. “Thank you.” They’re the same words he was forced to say to Voldemort but their meaning couldn’t be any more different this time. Voldemort had stolen his life, and Harry Potter had just restored it.

YOI surprises: Phichit sees the rings

YOI managed to surprise me (all of us) with so many things and I want to talk about one in particular, I don’t know if it’s just me but this was one of my biggest and most immediate “wow YOI really is different” moment.

When I saw Phichit’s face here I was 100% sure that he would throw a fit. His best friend was wearing an engagement/wedding ring??? Without him knowing anything about it????????????? My exposure to western media (all media?) really had me see Drama™ coming in the form of Yuuri why didn’t you tell me, I’m your best friend, how could you do this to me. And like I didn’t even expect it to be super dramatic or take more than a few seconds of screen time but still I would have bet my money on some sort of remark like that.

Instead here’s what we got:

Instant support for his bestie and happiness for two people in love, without questions and questioning, no “but when did it happen?”, no “but he’s your coach!”, no “you didn’t tell me!”, just pure positivity and love.

This is a small thing maybe but it’s one that I definitely am grateful for because it shows how the world of YOI is amazing in every way ♥


I decided to make this a little series because I realized I have a few more moments like this that I want to talk about, so I’ll tag all the posts as yoisurprises so you can easily keep track of them. Also, you can add your own moments to the tag!

After my last post about how jotun men from Norse mythology can give birth I wondered what that would be like in a more fantasy-like setting.

I didn't make it clear in the last post, but jotun men can also get spontaneously pregnant. They usually have to do something for it to happen, but they don’t always know what they did. Jotun women also seem to be able to get others pregnant, men and women, if you cross some stories. It’s all an expression of jotuns as creatures of chaos. For them there are no rules.

The inspiration for the elf is a mix of Viking beliefs about them and Golden Age/Victorian beliefs. The Vikings believed them to be dark in appearance and they were often associated with gold and silver from graves. It was believed that they stole it from the dead. Only later did people start to think of them as beautiful, misty creatures.

I placed a lot of mist and rocks around them to suggest they’re near a hot spring, mostly as way to explain why they’re almost naked.

But Why Does No One Talk About Pining Shiro?

I have a bone to pick with the Sheith fandom. Everywhere in this fandom I see Keith freaking out about Shiro, which I will admit is completely canon. But you know what else is canon?

Shiro’s bias for Keith.

I know that it’s seems subtle, but it’s not at the same time. I rewatched Voltron Season 1 and 2 before Season 3 because I noticed that I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to Shiro the first time around. A lot of his lines are pretty generic-leader-type, but during me rewatch, I noticed that his character cues weren’t. So, without further ado, here begins my long meta post about how Shiro is pining after Keith.

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August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this was going to be the last night I saw you. 
Two hundred and twenty-one days later, I still remember this night clearly. 

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just looked at me with those watery green eyes.
You nodded and a tear fell down your cheek. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t you with me now? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
But a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 
Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.
Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.

You know me…
I always have so much to say to you.
I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

Don’t Leave Me

Request: Hey! Just found you’re account a few days ago, and I was just wondering if I could request? I honestly love your write so much. ❤️ if you could wright a newt scamander imagine where Newt leaves the reader for Leta (set in hogwarts) and they don’t talk until like some point? Idk. please make it angst but with a happy ending? Thanks!

Word Count: 2,288

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Requested by Anonymous but also tagging @caseoffics and @red-roses-and-stories

Requests are currently open! Feel free to send one in


You spot Newt’s lanky frame curled up in the grassy spot near the lake, knees against his chest and hands around his knees as he stares out over the water, His shaggy hair blows like the waves in the breeze. You can’t fight your smile as you watch him absentmindedly brush his hair from his eyes. You reach into your pocket, forgetting that your gift is back in your room, hidden between the pages of your transfiguration textbook. You remind yourself that it’s only one more day before you can give it to him. One more day.

He doesn’t hear you approaching, jumping at your voice when you call out to him.

“There you are.” The words are a routine, a joke from nearly a year ago when Newt had approached you with shaking hands.

Newt starts to stand, but stops when you shake your head and toss your books onto the ground, plopping down next to him. “Here I am.” He says, scooting over as you take his hand.

“Studied any amazing creatures lately? It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

Newt’s smile is small. “It’s only been a week and a half.”

You raise your eyebrows and lean back. “Sure feels like forever.”

Newt stares at your joined hands. “Maybe.”

The breeze slows, leaving only the warm sunshine to brush your face. “It’s beautiful out. I hope it stays this way for tomorrow.”

“About tomorrow…”

You don’t notice the change in Newt’s tone as you chatter on. “Wow, can you believe it’s been a year? Isn’t a picnic the perfect way to celebrate a year together?”

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Deleted Scenes I want to see from Spider-Man: Homecoming

also known as a list of things we didn’t get to see but really want to

  • The CONTINUATION OF AUNT MAY’s “What thE F-” SCENE (we probably won’t ever get this but a girl can dream okay)
  • What happened after the big fight with the Vulture. They were both at least semi-conscious and laying there after Peter pulled him out of the fire and were looking at each other. Next scene we see is Toomes webbed to the crates with a note. HOW DID THAT H APP EN.?
  • also Peter’s explanation to Aunt May about homecoming
  • THE PRESS CONFERENCE WITH PEPPER AND TONY 
  • I want to see the sub shop getting repaired.
  • FLASH’s DAD’s CAR—-> I WANNA SEE FLASH MAKING EXCUSES TO HIS DAD like “HE TOOK IT FROM ME! I PUT UP A FIGHT- I reALLY diD!”
  • Aunt May and Peter talking about Uncle Ben’s suits and about Peter wearing them to homecoming.
  • Honestly I just want an “Uncle Ben” name-drop
  • Happy telling Tony about the Churro Lady and or a clip of Tony listening/reading Peter’s messages
  • More Aunt May in general (APPARENTLY THERE ARE RUMORS OF A DELETED SCENE WHERE SHE SAVES A LITTLE GIRL WHILE PETER IS WATCHING !!)
  • More Captain America educational videos
  • b l o o p e r s
  • Tony making the spider-man suit (highly unlikely but I would love to see that- just sayin’)
  • I want to see spider-man and kids interacting (kids being in awe, making funny comments, being saVED FROM DANGER)
  • MJ drawing peter or happening to have drawings of spider-man in her sketchbook

There are honestly so many more but this is what I could think of as of right now. PLEASE ADD if you have any more you’d like to see!

huhuhh this was originally for a request for jasper leading a battle and then it sorta just ended up being jailbreak-y lol

I’m done with you, Mr. Wayne - Bruce Wayne x Reader (angst?)

First, thank you very much for your comment, and then here for a somewhat angsty story based off your prompt  :-) ( I never know if I achieved my goal in making people feel with my stories so you know…). Hope you’ll like it :

__________________________________________________

No matter what his brothers were telling him, how hard they were trying to reassure him and convince him that he did nothing wrong, Damian still thought it was his fault. Without him, none of that would have happened.

If he had been more careful, this all situation could have been avoided. His father wouldn’t be heart broken, and his mom…his mom…

No matter what his brothers were telling him, how hard they were trying to reassure him and convince him that he did nothing wrong, Damian still thought it was his fault. Without him, none of that would have happened.

Without him, his mother…He couldn’t even think the words. It hurts too much. To think he was the cause of it all ? It was even worst.

No matter what his brothers were telling him, how hard they were trying to reassure him and convince him that he did nothing wrong, Damian still thought it was his fault. Without him, none of that would have happened.

Without him…Without him…Without him his mother would have never left.

Keep reading

“Did You Just Stab Me?”

Pairing: Bucky X Mutant!Reader

Words: 1685

Warnings: Sort of angsty. I don’t know what to file this under. I guess some humor?

Summary: “Did you just stab me?”

A/N: This is for @bladebarnes 4K celebration Writing Challenge. CONGRATS DARLING :) :) :) Permanent tag list is closed. Sorry! Bucky tag list is nearly closed. Others are still open so let me know if you want to be tagged and what you want to be tagged in HERE (in anything but the permanent tag list).

Originally posted by wintersthighs

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robins and random tweets

Damian to Tim: Things you have done this year that irritated me: an anthology.


guy: excuse me, can you jump my car
Damian: *tying shoes* probably how tall is it
guy: no like-
Damian: *handing phone* take a video


Bruce: I’m anti-murder
Jason: Wow, that’s narrow-minded


Interviewer: what’s on your back?
Damian: a katana
I: what?
Damian: it’s a japanese sword used…you know what [takes back résumé] I don’t think I wanna work here


Jason [referring to Outlaws]: We weren’t traipsing, Bruce. We are rapscallions. We galavant.


Tim
[side eyeing Bruce]: Parents who have allowed your10 yr olds to become spoiled brats …We’ll check back in 10 years to see how that worked out for you.



Jason: When I die (again), I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper “you did this.”



GOOD COP: I’m going to read you your rights
BAD COP: I’m going to beat a confession out of you
Dick: you both make some good points


Damian [after tossing a baby a piece of cheese]: A dog would have caught it


Damian: (to the tune of We Will Rock You)
I feed my dog dog food


[Staring at bedroom ceiling]
Tim:Don’t worry. It happens to every guy
Jason:Not to me it doesn’t!
*resumes trying to unscrew lid from pasta jar


CELLMATE: What are you in for?
Dick *shifty eyed*: Bad shit, man.
[Flashback to Dick duct taping harmonicas to hand dryers in the McDonald’s bathroom]


Tim: if ghosts r real why are there no dinosaur ghosts? think about that, but u won’t bc i just blew your mind with something called logic, idiot


Jason: When I suggested we try a little role play, this is not what I had in mind
Tim: [in Jabba the Hutt costume] JUST PUT ON THE GOLD BIKINI


Therapist: How do you feel?
Tim: With my hands.
T: Do you deflect a lot?
Tim: Only sharp objects. If it’s fluffy, I just let it hit me.


*waves arm in the direction of the lake*
Dick: One day, all this will be yours.
Damian: Are you threatening to drown me?
Dick: Just make your bed, k?


Jason: is this all the cash?
CASHIER: yes but would you like to donate $1 to charity
Jason[tears welling up inside helmet]: ok


Tim: On this day 15 years ago Bruce picked up the phone and interrupted a file at 96% I’d been downloading from Napster for 17 hours.


Tim: Hate when older people say “you’re too young to be tired” alright Margret you’re too old to be alive but here we are



Jason
: Hi, do you take walk-ins?
The Morgue: what


Tim: my demon brother is sick and we are raising $5000 so I can backpack across Europe, too depressing to stay here next to this sick kid


[skipping stones on lake]
Jon: it’s such a beautiful evening
Damian: *whispering* take that you fucking lake


Tim: will there be sausage rolls?
Wayne Enterprise Worker [sobbing uncontrollably]: th-there-
Tim [louder]: Margaret. Your husband’s funeral. Sausage rolls?


Damian: what do you get when you cross a bear with a shark
Titus: bark
Damian: wait, Titus, don’t give it away


Bruce: Dick once got ahold of the scissors and gave himself a haircut. It wasn’t bad. So now every six weeks we casually leave them out.
Tim: YOU CAUSED THE MULLET


Dick: Bruce saying he’s in back-to-back meetings all day, I suggested trying face to face meetings. He left without thanking me


Jason: how about we finish dinner and you can show me your bedroom
Tim: why wait? *pulls out cell phone and flips through photos of room*


Tim: *in pajamas* how did people get dressed and outside so quickly?
Dick: it’s noon, they were already dressed
Tim: impressive


Jason: I married a smart, funny, handsome, businessman but let’s be honest, mostly I was hoping to never do math again


Dick: If I had to choose between saving you or saving a stranger, I’d always pick you. How ‘bout you?
Jason: No question–I’d save me too.


Jason: My arm bone’s connected to my hand bone. My hand bone’s connected to a bacon cheeseburger.


Damian to Bruce after getting caught by Superman stalking Jon: it’s not considered 'people watching’ if you do it through their bedroom window, apparently.