how can you ruin my life just like that

Can we take a moment to appreciate that one of my fics has a 6% feedback?

That means 6% of the people that clicked on it, read it, then left a comment. Kudos percentage is 9%.

This is considered a successful fic. That’s how low the bar is set, anything more than 3% is generally considered successful.

Tens of thousands of words go into fics, taking hours, days, weeks, months, years to write, but authors cannot expect even 10% of the people who find their work, who read and enjoy it to leave kudos or comments or something stating the effort wasn’t wasted.

I read some of my favorite fics and it is depressing to see the lack of response by others. I want to throw the book at people, “Here, omg, read this, it RUINED ME”, but the actual response that author got was meager, and that literally hurts my soul to see, because I’ve also been on the other end of it.

You question everything, what you did wrong, what you could have done better, WHY didn’t people like it? Or like it enough to have any sort of emotional response? How can you improve? Is it worth the effort or should you just quit?

Guys. Love your fanwork creators. Seriously. Love them. It can be simple and short, but you are literally breathing life back into a person after they poured themselves out to your benefit. It can feel much like being the Giving Tree, and that’s both unfair and unkind.

BTS Fic Recommendations

There seems to be a weird divide in this fandom between reader x member and member x member stories, but I’m just here in the middle like “all Bangtan smut is good smut!” A good story is a good story and good writing is good writing. Some of these have no smut at all and some are so filthy that I can’t believe I’m recommending them, but, you know, BTS ruined my life and I have no shame anymore. 

I’ve probably read hundreds of BTS stories by now and these are the ones that I go back to over and over. I tried to pick only one per author, but all of these authors are amazing and you should go check out their whole masterlists. These are the authors that I personally fangirl over and stand in awe of. None of these are particularly similar to mine (eg. they are way better) and none of them are particular similar to each other. These are the fics that for whatever reason, I couldn’t forget about them after I read them.

Warning: Some of these are very explicit, so use caution. Anything marked with an M is definitely NSFW. 

Hope you enjoy!

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anonymous asked:

Can i request a fluffy Jay Park scenario, where he's meeting your parents for the first time,and he is super nervous? also can you not make the dad the stereotypical dad, i hate stuff like that with dad's having to "scare" their boyfriends. Thank you!

“Baby why are you so nervous?” You chuckled liftin gup Jay’s collar so that you could put the tie around his neck and make sure that he looked his very best.

“I’ve never met your parents before but from the stories of your younger youth, I really don’t want to fuck this up.” Jay groaned cupping your cheeks as he pressed a kiss against your lips once you were done. He let his hands press against your dress to make sure that it was straight, smiling to himself at how beautiful you looked.

“Baby, you’re my boyfriend and I know one day you will be my husband. And everything that comes with that title. I don’t bring guys home, so they will know I’m serious about you but if you freak out it won’t work.” You whined grabbing at his hands frowning and looking up at him.

“Yes, but you’re my princess. And I know when I have a daughter I am going to be the same way. No man will ever be good enough for her. I’m not good enough for you.” He matched your pout letting his black hair fall in your face. You smiled widely before using your hands to comb it back behind his ears tilting your head.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if we don’t get going soon you will be hated for being late. Not for not being good enough for me.” Kissing his lips once more you moved to grab at your purse and lace your heels up on your feet smiling happily, you made sure to grab everything that you needed walking outside towards the car. Jay was going to drive you both because he wanted to go all out over something small. It was just going to be a dinner meeting of you and your parents and Jay. It wouldn’t even take that long so you didn’t understand his nerves, but on the flip side you had never met his parents, and you were dreading the day you ever would have to. So, in some aspect you could understand why he was the way he was.

While he was driving, he was so fidgeting tapping against the wheel and trying to calm himself down because his heart was a mess. Laughing softly, you grabbed at his hand lacing your fingers together softly singing songs that he would focus on you for a second. You let your fingers graze against his over the soft skin and you made sure to keep him calm humming louder until your hums turned into singing. The car ride wasn’t long and once you arrived he opened your door for you, moving to let you out of the car walking you towards your parents’ house. You knew that only your dad would be there right now with your mother coming later, resulting in you having time to rest in your old room as a child.

“Deep breaths. Remember no matter what. I love you.” You reminded him as the doorbell was rung. He nodded his head but his eyes shown how scared he was. Kissing his nose, you brought a light smile to his lips that he took a deep breath and the door was opened in front of you. There stood you there, with his strong tall stature looking at you his glasses on his face as he watched you both. You gripped onto Jay’s hand tighter to let him know that you were there and once you let it go you moved forward to throw your arms around his neck smiling widely.

“Daddy.. This is my boyfriend. Park Jaebum. And Jay. This is my daddy.” You smiled softly stepping back from your father’s strong hands as he hugged you. He looked the boy up and down puffing out his chest causing you to face palm and hide behind your hands because you knew it was an act. You watched as he gripped onto Jay’s hand and shook with a stern grip through your fingertips. Jay bowed his head before he cleared his throat meeting the grip, his tattoos showing on his hand and his rolled-up shirt.

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Kim Y/N has spoken very highly of you.” He pulled away looking your father in the eyes and you were surprised he was doing so well, not shaking or tearing down. You felt a bit relieved that he could stand there and not fall over.

“Let’s talk away from her. Sweetheart why don’t you go into your room and wait for us?” Your father asked but you knew it was a demand.

“I don’t want to-“You started to protest and he gave you another look down from his glasses and sighing you let your hands fly up in the air as you stomped off into your room waiting for him to finish up. You could hear faint mumbling from the background and your dad was talking quickly and it made you feel your stomach drop because you wanted to know that Jay was ok.

Walking towards your room, you got on your phone texting your mom, letting your back rest against your hello kitty sheets that you’ve had since your high school years.

{Text: Madam Kim}

He’s back at it again with the macho man stuff -.-

{Text from: Madam Kim}

Ah, you know how your father gets. Everything can and will be destroyed by him >.> don’t worry too much just rest.

{Text: Madam Kim}

How can I just rest at a time like this!! What if he hurts him?! Mommy come home soon.. My boyfriend’s life depends on it :c

{Text from: Madam Kim}

Your dad is a big teddy bear. And he knows better than to ruin your happiness. He has to live with the Queen of Sass and silent treatments. I’ll be home soon. I love you.

Laughing softly, you chunked your phone down shutting your eyes and letting yourself rest you let yourself fall into a sleep it was no point in stressing about how things were going or what you were going to do since he had your boyfriend preoccupied. You outed your lips out as you knocked out breathing slowly and even in your dreams you felt yourself worrying about Jay. If he was ok, if he was going to come and get you if your dad was going to be easy and let up on him. Despite everything that you felt bothering you, you were knocked out hard and dreaming because a sometimes later your body was being pushed gently and a deep voice was waking you up. You jumped up looking at Jay your hands moving to check his face and his body out frowning. “Are you hurt?” You asked him with a raspy voice tilting your head. Jay chuckled kissing your forehead laying down beside you pulling you on your back.

“I am fine. You had me scared for no reason. Your daddy is a soft teddy bear.” He teased as he tapped your nose kissing over your face.

“Oh really now? A teddy bear? So, you won’t be scared of him anymore?” You asked teasing him and wiggling your eyebrows.

“No never again.” He chuckled sticking his nose in the air, just then the door was pushed open rather roughly after a few loud bangs and your fathers gravelly voice was heard as he peered down at the both of you on the bed.

“Keep this door open all the times. And I would hope you remember, I may be a teddy bear but when it comes to my door the only stuffing that I will be pulling is out of you.” Your father made the two fingers motion for watching you and Jay walking off with his head in the air. Snickering softly, you looked over at your boyfriend whose face drained color and caused you to feel bad for him.

“Still not afraid?” You asked softly nibbling on his neck smirking when he pushed you back groaning and frowning.

“Yah, do you want me to die? Not here.. He is quite scary.” He frowned before he laughed pulling you closer to his body shutting his eyes as he waited for your mother to get home so that you could all eat.


You know what’s the hardest thing to find?
It is to find a guy like Soji who treats MC like a precious jewel

Can you see how much he loves the MC?
In all of his life he never regretted nor feel sorry for anything he had done except for only one thing and that is ruining MC’s first night!
He even resisted his urge to do MC there and then just because he didnt wanna ruined MC’s view of doing ‘it’ the first time 😭

Where is my Soji?

From: Okita Soji’s Love’s Maelstrom POV

anonymous asked:



I like to think by the time they do give up and just become friends, Vlad’s just so exasperated from watching the entire thing he’s just Done. He gives up. “You were supposed to ruin his life. I’m not angry, i’m just disappointed, son.” “Just because you don’t have any friends doesn’t me that i can’t have any, Father.” “I give you life and bring you under MY roof aND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!” “Father, please stop being a drama queen, its embarrassing. I’m going over to Fenton’s to play some D&D, I’ll be home for supper.” “…….Don’t forget your phone. Call if you need anything. Including help kicking his ass-” “dAD PLS”

PENELOPE (2006) Sentence Starters

Change pronouns, adapt dialect accordingly.

“That was the last of the ho-hos!”
“Rich people suck!”
“They were invited back to the house, where they were legally gagged into secrecy.”
“lf being ugly were a crime, I’d have to arrest half the people in this city.”
“He said ‘shit’ to me twice. And then he just stood there staring at me.”
“Do you have any idea what a story like this will do to me?”
“Hang in there.”
“I’m sorry you got stuck with me.”
“Hold on honey, you can do it.”
“I’d given up all hope of ever finding a woman who truly understands me.”
“I had given up all hope that is … until I met you.”
“She’s gotta pee. You got a bathroom? I’m going to get some punch.”
“No one ever seems able to see past that.”
“Curse or no curse, if I am more than my name and my face, well then, surely you are more than yours?”
“Let me in.”
“And, like, what guy looks at me and thinks picket fence?”
“My mother did what any loving mother would do: she faked my death. And had me cremated.”
“Why can’t I have bacon?”
“So, what? Are you hiding from the law, or is that a bad nose job?”
“How can he not see me, you know? I’m on a Vespa with wings.”
“Once the curse is broken I’ll be just like anybody else.”
“Either you ______ or so help me god I am going to rip your guts out.”
“I have to pee and I can’t leave you alone with the phones.”
“lt’s not the power of the curse, it’s the power you give the curse.”
“I like myself the way I am.”
“You have ruined my life!”
“But this isn’t me. The real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out. (And you can make that happen.)”
“____, let me in.”
“Unfortunately, my believing you isn’t going to do either one of us any good.”
“Five thousand bucks worth your while?”
“I used to spend every weekend there just hanging on a bench writing stupid love songs. People watching.”
“That’s what mothers do with daughters! They talk about how to look prettier.”
“Once the queen’s dead the king’s useless.”
“God! He licked me.”
“Alright, keep in mind; never bet a better.”
“I fear I did you a terrible disservice that day.”
“What if the curse isn’t broken. What if —  what if the curse can never be broken?”
“I felt the rush of a thousand heart breaks.”
“We have both always known there was no guarantee.”
“Are you freaking out or what?”
“Sorry. Ridiculous.”
“You shit! You lied to me!”
“I’m sorry I dragged you down with me.”
“Are you in or out?”
“Listen, I’m sorry I ran from my feelings.”
“What the hell have you been chasing all these years?”
“Listen you little worm, I know your kind: spoiled rotten mama’s boy —”
“Oh, now I’m the bad guy!”
“I don’t have the power to break the curse.”
“I knew you would run. I wanted you to, but perhaps if I had taken the time to really listen to you, maybe we could have helped each other find our way.”
“You see, like you, I felt imprisoned most of my life.”
“No, you have beautiful ears. Beautiful. They’re beautiful.”

havenothingtodowithme  asked:

Hey! First of all, I love your blog 💖 and are you still doing blitzstone hc? Could I ask for some wedding cerimony headcanons? Or just cute hc in general! Thanks so much 💖

Sorry this took so long, I had a lot to say! I loved writing these!! To anyone else who may have sent me requests, they’re coming

- it’s a few years after preventing Ragnarok for the last time
-hearth & blitz are around 24 maybe?
-they’ve been dating ever since a little before the last possible-Ragnarok when they ended up having a pre-battle, heat-of-the-moment, I-don’t-want-to-lose-you-without-telling-you-how-I-feel Kiss
-but anyway, Blitzen’s best is thriving & Hearth’s magic is way better than it used to be & everything is good and pure
- Blitz proposes like this: on the anniversary of the day Blitz found Hearth in Nidavellir, they go out for dinner in a fancy restaurant, and then (after sundown) take a walk in a park they used to stay in while they were homeless.
-They end up at a quiet fountain w/ no one else around. The street lamps shine off the water & in Hearth’s eyes. It’s dark enough to be romantic & secluded but bright enough to sign easily.
-Taking a deep breath, Blitz gives a little speech (signing & speaking) about how much Hearth means to him & how he’s his everything. This information is nothing new, but Hearth is still completely in awe.
- By now he has the suspicion Blitz is planning something big, but he’s still completely overwhelmed when the tiny dwarf actually gets down on one knee. He doesn’t pull the ring out right away, bc he has to ask Hearth, will you marry me?
- And of course the answer is obvious, they’ve been living together for years now, they’re absolutely a package deal & there’s no way Hearth’s gonna say no. So he just nods and signs Yes really excitedly & pulls Blitzen up to kiss him & then Blitz pulls the ring box out of his jacket pocket and opens it.
- It’s silver & simple & elegant & it has perthro engraved on the band. Both their hands are shaking when Blitz slides it onto Hearth’s ring finger. They kiss again, laughing bc everything is falling perfectly into place. This is their dream come true.
- they get Blitz a ring too. It’s gold & has a wider band than Hearth’s with the same engraving of their family’s symbol
- they invite Magnus, Samirah, & Alex (who has become a part of their family too) over to tell them & the kids are beyond excited for their dads
- so for the actual ceremony, it’s pretty small- just the family, the Floor 19 Crew, Inge, and Freya (Blitz didn’t want to invite her, but Hearth convinced him. She’s your mother, Blitz. And she’s the goddess of love- it’s not like she doesn’t know we’re getting married! If we don’t invite her, we’ll never hear the end of it.)
- Halfborn performs the ceremony, bc he has definitely been ordained at some point in his 1200 year stay at Valhalla
- Magnus is their best man, Samirah is the maid of honor
-Alex is the ring bearer
- Blitz designed everyone’s outfits, obviously. He’s still salty about not designing the outfits for the fake wedding with Thrym tbh. He can’t say it, but he def wants to show up Sif
- and he does! Hearth wears a white suit + his scarf bc it’s 100% necessary. Blitz insisted he not wear black for once. Blitz’ pants & suit jacket are black but his vest is red to match the scarf. He’s wearing a bow tie too
- Magnus’ tux is gray w/ a white vest. His hair is grown back by now so it’s braided on one side to keep it out of his face during the ceremony
- Samirah’s dress is green again with silver lace & her hijab has silver threads in it for accent
- Amir’s tux is deep purple & he’s perfect and beautiful
- Alex is female & her dress is a very pale pink & her makeup is green. The dress stops around knee-length & is very twirlable. Magnus is dying
- jack is here & he insisted upon having a bow tie tied around his hilt
- Blitzen threatened to throw a fit if Halfborn showed up half-dressed like always, so the beserker relented. His suit is dark brown & his beard is braided neatly
- Mallory’s dress is a lighter green than Sam’s and is sleeveless. Her crazy hair is tamed a bit & falls around her shoulders. Halfborn has to concentrate very hard on the task at hand
- TJ refused to wear anything besides his union jacket but he let Blitz fix it up a bit.
- Freya is literally gorgeous, as always. She’s wearing about forty pounds of jewelry & Blitz wonders which piece was responsible for his life until Hearth takes his hand and smiles at him
- Inge is a free hulder now & is pretty close w/ hearth & blitz. Her dress is light blue & her hair is in very elaborate braids. Blitz asked whether she wanted a hole for her tail in the dress & she decided yes. She wears her tail proudly nowadays & is very active among the movement to free the huldrefolk
- also I don’t think anyone invited him but oh look, there’s Odin! The weirdo shows up about two minutes before the ceremony starts and is like “how could I miss the wedding day of my greatest pupil??” And hearth is so green
- tbh I bet Thor & Sif show up too & by this point it’s like…. Any other gods planning on showing up last minute or can we get married already? This is the exact moment when their former boss the severed head appears right in the middle of the aisle & Amir nearly faints
- when Thor shows up Hearth is definitely like who the fuck invited him, that giant dumbass is going to ruin our wedding!! Thor’s just kind of like “Wow my good friend the elf is so happy to see me!!”
- there’s also a suspicious bird at the window… Utgard-Loki…. Is that you, you sneaky fuck
- Marvin & Otis are sitting in the very back of the room with the very strict instructions not to eat any furniture. Otis starts crying in the middle of the vows & chews off an armrest anyway
- after all mystery guests arrive, they can finally start.
- Blitz’ vows start out with him talking about finding hearth in Nidavellir & how important and life-changing their friendship was immediately. He tells hearth who absolutely incredible he is & how honored blitz is to be marrying him.
- hearth’s vows describe how he’d always thought he’d be an empty cup for his whole life, but he never knew that from the moment blitz found him he was being filled more & more everyday bc of their friendship, and how blitz was the first person hearth ever trusted and he can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have him for their whole lives
- they exchange rings & they’re both near tears
- Halfborn says “by the power vested in me by the world of Valhalla, I now pronounce you dwarf & elf. You may kiss the groom” and blitz grabs hearth’s scarf and yanks him down for the kiss & everything’s beautiful
- Magnus definitely cries. The kid’s dads are getting married, give him some slack
- Alex teases him, but her eyes were a little misty for a while there too
- they don’t really have a reception, but the very extended family (so basically the empty cups + floor 19, Amir, & Inge) go back to blitz & hearth’s apartment to celebrate
- blitz bridal-carries hearth over the threshold & it is the cutest thing ever
- one of the boys probably had a bouquet to throw. Sam catches it & she and Amir don’t stop blushing all night
- big tearful family hugs. Blitz, hearth, Sam, Magnus, & Alex having a giant family group hug while the kids are so happy for their parents
- Alex teases Samir & Gunderkeen about when they’re gonna tie the knot. Mallory & Samirah retaliate by bringing up Magnus & making Alex blush a lot
- Inge dancing with hearth & telling him how happy she is for him. She just loves him so much wow. I like to think by this point although she obviously still loves him, she’s gotten over him mostly & maybe has a cute elf gf that’s also active in the free-the-huldre scene.
- Inge dancing w/ blitz afterwards & giving him a stern “don’t you dare hurt that boy” speech but obviously he’s not gonna & they’ve all been friends now for years so by the end they’re just laughing
- blitz & hearth having the first dance as a married couple & just swaying and holding onto each other and at the end they kiss & it’s really slow and sweet and beautiful and I’m dead

This was. Really freaking long, hope you enjoy, xoxo your Local Blitzstone Dealer™

Letters to Sokovia

(Bucky X reader x Pietro)

Summary: The reader gets a call from her past lover and everything just comes back to her. Based on the Vamps’ new song middle of the night.

Words: 1388

Warning: CRYING. Past wounds. Broken heart. Pietro Fluff! 

A/N: I wrote this to celebrate my birthday honestly. I just wrote it based on my fave band’s new single that came out on the same day. It’s a bit based on a personal experience (well the letter that is…haha) I honestly don’t know why I always write about Bucky as the heart breaker and Pietro as the new love interest.

—two years ago…—

It’s been a year. A year and eight months, to be exact. I’ve been stuck with this feeling for you this long. Now, I’m deciding to stop. Well, I stopped five months ago, but now I’m letting everything go. Deleting you from my life, if that was possible. I was so caught up in this day dream of the two of us being together. Seeing you five months ago in that bar, in our bar, you know the bar we always go to just to get wasted on nights we feel so done with everything. Seeing you there with someone else, some girl you were locking tongues with, just pains me.

Fine, let’s blame it on the alcohol, but what I found out after that night destroyed me. You were with someone else. Someone who wasn’t the girl at the bar. Someone who you’ve been seeing for more than seven months now. It hurts that it’s not me. I honestly thought that we’d have a thing for each other, but it turns out it was only me. I’ve done every effort for you to get to like me back. I literally spent so much on trying to win you, but it turns out money really can’t buy everything. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I told you sooner, or if I never met you, or if I believed everyone who told me not to love you. Too late for that.

It just hurts me that I had to see you there in that bar, on a night that I decided to tell you how I felt about you. I was claiming it to be my night, our night. But I saw you with her. It’s finally time to let you go. What hurts me the most is that I know you’d never see me that way I saw you. By the time you read this, I’d probably be on my way to a different country. I don’t know when I’d be back but I just want you to know that I love you.


I go over the letter I wrote one more time before leaving it in your room. I finish packing my things and I tell Jarvis to call me a cab. I start walking towards the elevator. How can I be so stupid to let one guy ruin my life like this. To think I’ve got the brains of my dad, Tony Stark. I snap out of my thoughts when I see him, Tony, standing by the elevator and looking as worried as ever. I mean I am his only daughter.

“You sure about this, (y/n)?” He asks. I can see the concern in his eyes.

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Undisclosed Desires (part 5)

Words: 2.1k

Summary: TFW discuss learning about your past as you catch up with Lucifer.

A/N: More canon divergence. Let me know if you’d like to be added to my mater tag list.


“Cas, you’ve been pretty quiet back there. You ok?” Dean asked from the drivers seat of the Impala.

Castiel remained silent and stared out the window. Part of him understood why you didn’t tell him and he wished he didn’t care; but how could he not care. Not only were you nephilim, but you were the spawn of the devil himself.

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anonymous asked:

Do you think about suicide? If so, have you made loose plans as to how you would do it? How would you do it if you were moved to?

Yes, I think about suicide sometimes. That is usually just an idle thought which I use to comfort myself when I’m feeling especially bad, like, “I can stop it all if I choose to, I own my life”. I doubt that I’ll ever be able to commit suicide, because I’m very afraid of pain (probably more afraid than most people) and I don’t want to ruin my parents’ lives.

All the methods seem awful. Just look at this 

I don’t know how correct this information is, probably not very much (how do you even measure agony?), but still – AWFUL. I wouldn’t endure anything really painful; everything that implies outdoors activity and possible spectators is a NO; it would be extremely hard for me to find a shotgun in Russia; so I’d probably try to kill myself with illegal drugs or just hang myself. But, again, I can’t imagine myself doing this because the very thought of the pain makes me dizzy. I’m a real coward. The mental pain should be truly unbearable to prefer the terror and agony. “Razors hurt you, rivers are damp, acid stains you, drugs cause cramps”… 

(If you are contemplating suicide, please don’t)

One year anniversary of Rose Legacy!

How did I get to this point? I’m honestly very surprised. I usually played my sims families for a few months only and then I got bored of them. But Roses, oh dear, that’s different.

On this day one year ago, I reinstalled all Sims 3 expansions and stuff packs I have and decided to start a legacy challenge. Yeah, I actually followed some rules. My founder Amelia started very poor with a small house. The rules I followed said the spouse can’t be created by me so she married a townie (to this day I can’t understand why him but…okay). And I decided that the heirs will be girls. Whoops. But I mean, there’s finally a female heir for gen 5! :D As you can probably tell, with time I dropped all the rules and the only thing I decided to do was just having fun and doing what I feel like doing, which is how I play to this day and is the reason why I never finish any sims challenge. The rules.

I love these guys so much, it’s actually crazy. So yeah. Thanks for ruining my life, guys. Just kidding, I really love them and they’re not ruining my life, I ruin theirs.

I think one of the reasons why I’m still playing them is that you guys can see them and read what they’re up to and somehow that really motivates me to go on. Thank you for being here with me :)

Here’s to another year of mess and Doctor Who references I’m not sorry about! :D

Making Out With 24K

Fair warning: I went crazy with this. Don’t read this at night or in public. Have a water bottle next to you at all times. This gets kind of smutty. Also I’m not familiar with the new members, so I left them out. One more group left.

Originally posted by daei1

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anonymous asked:

Things I want: Quirkless Izuku AU where he is a general studies student but still manages to kick ass in the sports festival almost exactly how he did in the show/manga... at least up until the one on one fights, where Todoroki kinda just ices him, and then Izuku gives him a heart to heart while he melts him (poor Todoroki is just thinking, "I just ruined your chances at being a finalist... why the hell you giving me a pep-talk and how did you figure out I hate my dad? (Izuku overheard them)).

Awww! You know, I heard somewhere that Horikoshi did originally intend for Izuku to stay quirkless but someone else changed his mind, so I feel like this may have been the what would have happened?

I can sort of imagine Izuku and Shouto envying each other in a way. Izuku could have pursued his dream if he had a quirk like Shouto’s, and Shouto could have had a happier life out of his father’s attention if he’d been born without one.

self luvin

People always ask the question: do people control their destiny or is there some form of higher power that controls everything? Through personal experience, throughout the course of 5 years I’ve learned- the only thing in life we control is what we get out of experiences that the universe puts us through. Personally I’m very lucky, I’ve never suffered. The only things that have affected my life negatively are situations I put myself through. Now, I take full responsibility for all the experiences in my life- last summer (2015) I went through a short horrible relationship with a guy and for weeks or months after it ended, I blamed him for ruining my life and who I was as a person. I told myself and my friends that he ruined me. Eventually I realized how wrong I was and accepted an apology I never received from him, it was me, just me and my fault. I’m the one who chose to be so deeply affected what he did. Theres a line in a song that goes something like “if you know you have to let go and you don’t did it really hurt you?” when we get hurt it only gets better from there you can only move forward literally- time doesn’t stop for anyone not even you or me (crazy right) this is the only September 9th, 2016 we’re ever going to get. Eventually we get over everything- time heals. New memories replace old memories and we move on and everyone knows it. The most famous quote ever is “it gets better” so why hold on to a grudge if you know you’re eventually going to let go?
      In my 7th through around 9th/10th grade I went through a really hard emotional state and I’m not sure of
the causes, I just really didn’t like who I was physically and my home life wasn’t what I thought was normal and I didn’t have many people to openly talk about my feelings because I myself didn’t even know
how to express it. So it wasn’t one thing that led me to it, it was just kind of a “when it rains, it pours” affect. I felt out of place constantly with everyone everywhere, I felt like I was not of this Earth- like I was born at the wrong place or the wrong time. My life felt meaningless and I know it seems young to feel that way but just even thinking about it right now is so vivid, I know it wasn’t just some little thing that happened to me because it really changed my life and it’s hard for me to openly talk about it sometimes because who I am right now is so different than who I was at that time. I felt resentment
against the world, all my thoughts were negative. All everyone ever wants to feel is that they’re good enough and I didn’t feel that. I got sickly here and there because of whatever was happening to me- I don’t
want to label it as depression because that word just seems too harsh and I don’t like labels and I hate when people feel bad for me. What I mean by I got sickly is there would be weeks I would only chew gum and drink water and not sleep for days. I’d have real anxiety attacks and forget how to breathe. I would put myself in circumstances that I know I would get hurt in and just wouldn’t care. I mean that
emotionally and physically- I did things that hurt my body and I was in relationships with people that I
knew didn’t really care about me, not just romantic relationships even friendships.
I remember waking up one morning and thinking, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. My mom told me to start living for Jessyka. I learned that happiness and sadness is a personal choice. Through church and learning about spirituality I went through a week period of complete euphoria. I was just so thankful
and appreciative of what I had, I even cried a couple times just because I woke up. Remembering this still gets me emotional.
      Think about every bad thing you’ve done even white lies. There’s so many universal wrongs we’ve all committed but I still wake up with clothes on my back and a roof on my head and change in my pockets and thats really enough to be happy about. The grace of the highest power thinks I deserve everything I have and even deserve love from him/her/it. I read somewhere about introspection-
self analyzing and treating. I told myself in the mirror everyday (true story) “I love you so much, you are so cute” and eventually it stuck. I am obsessed with me now! People don’t like me because I’m “cocky”
“conceited” “narcissistic” and I truly do not care because for YEARS I would’ve rather been dead but now I thank God every single day for everything ever and I think I look good. Self love is the best love believe me. I’m so blessed to have learned it at such a young age. When you’re constantly happy and positive you attract better things.
      I used to look for love so hard I was rushing to grow up but I didn’t even love myself yet, once I started falling in love with Jessyka- I found someone really special and I hope he stays around for a long long time. I didn’t have a solid group of friends until 10th grade and I’m still friends with them to this day and I would kill for them. My home life was restored about a year ago. Be grateful for what you have really, every single thing about this life is so wonderful and amazing- it brings tears to my eyes the love I have for life now. I’m glad I went through whatever this was because it turned me into the happiest person to live I swear. Take good from everything because thats all you can do and there is really good in everything. Positive attracts positive.

Manchester, my condolences

I’m pretty devastated right now, family. This is a complete tragedy and I can’t even imagine how Ariana is feeling right at this moment. My prayers and good thoughts go out to the families of the attack.
I went to my first Ariana concert just last month in Dallas and it was the most beautiful night of love, acceptance, and happiness. To be around people who somewhat fucks with Ariana the way you do, and you can relate for just one moment. It was the best night of my life and I can’t imagine something unspeakable like that ruining it completely. My heart breaks for you Manchester. No one deserved this.

anonymous asked:

i just finished this klance fic and it's really late at night and i just started crying? i'm a little tired and i cried cos klance is ruining my life. have you ever seen two people who could be so in love? the way they look at each other, talk about each other and everything about them: fire and water, red and blue, passionate and quiet, impulsive and strategic, like...i can't take it anymore. they're just so perfect and they're not canon. how are they not canon. sorry for the rant

*pats u on the back* i know

Boyfriend Jaemin

this is for you @jaeminnana ;)) i think your question got deleted because you changed your url but it’s okay !!

  • tbh i didn’t want to do this because i might just cry halfway
  • because this angel has been ruining my life lately and i miss him lots
  • okay kidding thanks for requesting and hope you like it ~

  • he’d probably be that one guy in your class who literally smiles at everything and everyone ,

  • to the point where you thought he was crazy because how can one have this much positivity ??
  • lots of girls would swoon over him and his smile
  • you thought you weren’t like them but you lowkey admired him
  • one day during chemistry class the both of you got partnered up for the rest of the year
  • and deep down you were so excited but on the outside you tried to keep a straight face
  • but jaemin’s smile and his offers to help you do your part made you feel all fuzzy and warm ??
  • like what is this feeling
  • when you did something wrong or couldn’t follow the instructions ,
  • he’d calmly and willingly explain everything to you , making sure you understood everything
  • he started hanging out with you more often ,
  • his group of friends joined your group during breaks and lunch
  • your friends knew both of you had feelings for one another because it was so obvious
  • like you’d steal a glance at him across the table when donghyuck was talking to you
  • and jaemin would also smile to himself whenever he caught you looking
  • and when you talked , he was always paying full attention , nodding his head and agreeing with you even when what you said didn’t make sense
  • “ omg guys have you ever wondered what the first man on earth felt when he saw he was the only one of his own kind ”
  • “ wth Y/N why are you thinking of things like that during lunch break ”
  • “ idk im just curious ”
  • “ haha you’re so cute Y/N ”
  • “ Jaemin what ? You call that cute ? both of you have issues i swear ”
  • and you and jaemin would giggle at each other while donghyuck pretended to vomit
  • “ get a room both of you ”
  • you often sat beside him in class even when you were not supposed
  • and you and jaemin would talk for hours and hours , the teacher gave up on both of you because no matter how many times she asked both of you to stop talking , yall wouldnt
  • probably lots of skinship before you guys were a couple though ,
  • like sometimes holding hands and hugging would be normal
  • until one day mark would ask him
  • “ bro are the both of you dating ? ”
  • “ no , i dont think so ”
  • “ wait what , then why do yall act like a couple ”
  • “ we do ? ”
  • “ you’re telling me holding hands , hugging and giving heart eyes to one another every second isnt a couple thing ? ”
  • “ oh hyung .. you’re right ”
  • and he’d smile because he knew what to do
  • one day while you were over at his’ you were lying on his lap , on the sofa as usual
  • while he was playing with your hair he’d ask calmly
  • “ do you like , wanna make us official ? ”
  • “ what official ? ”
  • “ a couple , Y/N ” -  “ wait aren’t we one already ”
  • “ what , since when omg ”
  • “ donghyuck told me weeks ago that you told him to convey the message to me that you liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend ? wait what- ”
  • “ seriously that guy- it’s okay , we’re officially official now ”
  • lots of matching outfits and accessories
  • and when you forgot that you had to wear one with him that day he’d get all pouty and upset
  • he’s another baby who wants attention i swear
  • lots of backhugs and hugs
  • you’d be doing your homework seriously
  • then suddenly he creeps beside you and hugs you
  • and when you tell him to go away ,
  • he’d pull you closer even more
  • and this boy would love it when you initiated skinship first
  • he’d be queuing up to buy lunch for you while he told you to wait at the table ,
  • but you didn’t listen
  • so you hugged him from behind and hid your face in his back
  • he’d be shocked at first but then smile like an angel while holding your hands while your arms were still around his waist
  • he’d motivate and encourage you whenever you need it
  • he’s supportive of the choices you make because he wants you to be happy
  • literallty everyone in school ships the both of you because yall are too sweet
  • okay maybe not those fangirls
  • if he realises he did something wrong or upsets you he’d apologise right away because he doesn’t want to upset you even more
  • lowkey the very protective and clingy boyfriend but doesn’t make it too obvious
  • “ um babe you can let go of my hands now i need to go to the toilet ?? ”
  • “ not until we reach the entrance of the toilet ”
  • “ it’s only 2metres away jae ”
  • “ no listen to me ”
  • and he’d smile and let you go finally when he’s standing right at the entrance waiting for you
  • he’d shower you with gifts and homemade things
  • he once gave you a book he made himself filled with photos of both of you
  • he probably says ’ i love you ’ to you randomly literally every few minutes
  • and everytime you’d reply with a ’ i love you too ’ and he’d smile to himself like crazy
  • in conclusion , na jaemin’s a total boyfriend material
  • he’ll love you forever so you’re lucky to have him
  • im dead bye guys