how can you not even acknowledge their connection

There are some specific issues with a late diagnosis which are rarely talked about. The most noticeable one for me is how the environment fails to adjust to a late diagnosis.

I was diagnosed a few months prior to my eighteenth birthday. Which is actually not even that late.
However, many of the people who surround me seem to think that my diagnosis was “too late to take it serious”, in a way.

Whenever I ask for things that I didn’t ask before, I’m not only met with reluctance but with resistance.
It’s always the same - people say “well, this hasn’t been an issue prior to your diagnosis, so I don’t understand why it is now”. What they don’t understand is that I’ve always been struggling but only since my diagnosis, I know that my struggles are real and valid and that I’m allowed to ask for accommodations or changes that make my life easier. And when I explain this to them, they always tell me off. They tell me that I’m lying even though I’m known for my honesty (which is actually a huge indicator for me being autistic, but somehow they’d rather turn the facts and see me as a liar than admit that I have always been autistic and even noticeably so. They don’t want to acknowledge it because they don’t want to admit that they don’t know a thing about autism. Like, some of my friends literally said that autism to them means “a person has issues to talk with others”, which they don’t see in me which is why they deny that I’m autistic and even refuse to look into the resources about autism that I send to them). Before I got diagnosed, I was treated badly every time I spoke about my needs because people saw me as “overreacting”, “overly sensitive” and “overdramatic”. I’ve been bullied for YEARS because of these things, because to them, I was being “a sissy”.
And after almost two years as a diagnosed autistic, I can say that many people STILL perceive everything I self-advocate for in this mindset. That people STILL see my behavior as overreacting instead of keeping in mind that I am autistic and yes, for me it is as bad as I’m saying it is. That yes, I really get overly anxious around people (which leads to me rambling instead of not saying anything, which again doesn’t match many people’s view on autism) and that certain noises, lights and textures feel like someone is sticking needles inside my ears, eyes, brain and body.

For myself, I was able to make a lot out of my diagnosis. I gained a lot of self-esteem, unlearned internalized ableism in big parts and found new ways of coping. I also have a better sense for my needs now, because even though most people who surround me still don’t take them serious, at least I do now.
Many people mistake this again as “playing pretend”, because how can I only know now what I need? What they don’t want to understand is that as an autistic person, you have to pay much more attention to yourself in order to know what you need because living in itself is overwhelming and taking up a lot of space in our brains. (Heck, I don’t even realize when I’m thirsty 99% of the time… I can go three days without drinking and I don’t feel like my body is missing anything until I black out. Same goes for food. I need to pay conscious attention to how much I’m drinking and eating because I don’t even have this connection to my body that allistic people have.)

But it’s so tiring to not be acknowledged as an autistic person because my parents failed to send me to the right specialist when I was younger. Because they send me to an AD(H)D specialist and failed to send me to another after the results came out negative because they perceived me as a child who is “weird because they are gifted”. Who speaks like a grown up because they’re smart, who plays alone even if they have friends around because they have too creative daydreams and so on.
It’s tiring to always fight so that people treat me right because they are dismissive about my needs because they don’t even UNDERSTAND that I have them because I’m perceived as “too allistic” due to my late diagnosis.

As a late diagnosed autistic, I feel like I get automatically treated as some kind of “Watered Down Autistic™”, who just got the label “autism” slapped on themselves in order to have an excuse for all their quirks and “character flaws”. I feel like people view late diagnosed autistic people as “even less autistic than high-functioning autistic people” which is why they inflict further abuse on us and never consider us as autistic.

But what gets me most about this is how they don’t even realize what they do. That they’d rather keep on pretending that I’m not autistic no matter how much I speak up and tell them that it actively harms me and our relationship because it’s easier and more convenient for them to just dismiss my disability and demand from me to be like them. Because apparently, they hate disabled and autistic people too much to actually accept that one of their friends/family members is one of them.
Keep in mind that these people I’m talking about are my friends and family. They are the people closest to me, the people who claim to like me and have my best interest in mind… And to think that even people who interpret their relationship to me like this abuse me on a daily basis without even noticing or caring about it says a lot about ableism. And it also says a lot about how people who don’t like me or are close to me would treat me if they knew I was autistic.

What will happen if we “carry on like before”? 

In the upcoming 30 years, Europeans will no longer be the majority in Europe. Muslims will be. This is a mathematical fact you can learn from official demographic statistics showing birth rates. Now, what does this mean? 
With the time muslims will also form own political parties and they will win (because they are the majority). They will make up the majority of officials and ministers as well as policemen and soldiers. Most muslims don’t support terror, allthough it is clear that most of them (I am not talking about those you visit university with) don’t care or even celebrate it, because western civilisation is their enemy. They are not even to blame for it and it is mostly our own fault, because we support liberal capitalist governments who - under the cloak of so called “humanity” - bomb and destabilise foreign countries and leave them in ruins*. Now those governments are the same who lecture you about “political correctness”, “equality”, “multicultural diversity” and so on. In other words: they make you weak, which is something muslims know and they hate us for it, because it is natural to do so. If your homeland is bombed by a “culture” consisting of fat ugly people spending their time with TV, cinema, concerts, parties, Mc Donald’s, just all in connection with decadent, disgusting hedonism - what would you think?
The next reason why western civilisation is the enemy of muslims is - surprise - Islam. This is another fact and you can scream and cry as much as you want. Islam is, just like abrahamic religions in general, a universalist religion, which means its main goal is to conquer the world. The god is considered the only one and every human has to acknowledge it and subjugate to his (man-made) laws. You can get rid of your peace-and-love-concept here, because that’s not what it is about. Also it is not the best strategy to just believe what muslim politicians tell you on TV. You would be surprised how many of them have connections to the Muslim Brotherhood and they are not stupid. They know what to say in front of the typical liberal, they know about the weakness.

So, what will happen?
Muslims don’t even need war to conquer Europe, they can do it by migration and it doesn’t even matter if the migrants intend to do so, if they come here for economic reasons, they still take part in the demographic replacement. 
But still there are of course also thousands of Jihadists already in Europe and more will come, because we just let them in. Terror will increase. The next step will be militiant groups who start a real “civil” war (not really civil war, because they are no Europeans and civil war means a war within a homogeneous state) against Europeans. They will then receive support by official (now muslim) governments in Europe, like they do now in Syria, Iraq, etc., where they receive support from Saudia Arabia and Turkey. 
At the same time, there will be more and more laws according to Islam, making it the official religion of the European nations. Schools will teach it, European children will have to take part in it. One day everyone in Europe will be a muslim. All you know and love will be gone. 

You think this is hate speech or a conspiracy theory?
Well, pagans never thought their children would be christians one day. If you read about the the Christian mission in Europe you will realise what I am telling you. Today it is even easier, because of the technological possibilities. 

What do I want from you? 
Realise that Europe is your mother and home you have to love, realise that the present course will destroy it and realise that a few decades of liberal ideology didn’t find the absolute truth about “humanity” and didn’t lead to world peace, but to total chaos. They are trying to control that chaos by methods that will remind you of Orwells “1984″. Realise also that these politicians are traitors who want to build a liberal one-world oder and for that purpose they oppress their own people. They are not interested in culture, meaning they are not interested in the only thing that gives real value to human beings. Modern individualism is a lie. It is creating empty consumption drones with no identity. This is the definition of the worthless individual. Don’t you already see it when walking trough the streets?


Also see my other posts and questions I answered regarding politics and culture.


*here of course it is required to say that it is not western countries alone, but muslim nations destroy each other, like the Saudis do, e.g. in Syria. You still believe Assad is an evil dictator? Then you have a problem with indoctrination by media, because it’s a lie. 

twenty one

request: Please can you write a piece where Harry forgets y/ns birthday? But she tries not to show she’s upset with a happy ending? Xx

no warnings! pure fluff ahead

It was my twenty first birthday. Harry hadn’t mentioned he had any plans for my birthday, but I assumed it was because he was trying to surprise me. I was pretty attuned to what he was doing at all times so if he had even mentioned anything about my birthday I would have figured out in seconds what he was planning. He couldn’t keep a secret from me if his life depended on it.

I woke up on my birthday to an empty bed, which was slightly confusing as I was sure Harry had been in it last night. I rolled over to his side and found a paper on his pillow.

In the studio today. See you later tonight, love you. -H.

I frowned at the note. He was really going to spend my birthday in the studio? Had he forgotten? How could he forget? It was January 26th, just under a week away from his own birthday. There was no way, no way, he could possibly forget my birthday. Maybe he left a present in the kitchen?

I yawned and pulled myself out of bed, padding down the hallway. I searched the kitchen high and low, the living room, I even checked Harry’s closet in our room to see if he was trying to hide it. Nothing. I frowned and bit my cheek. He could have it with him? Not that the present was the point, I just wanted some indication that he hadn’t forgotten my birthday.

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AUXILIARY FUNCTIONS APPRECIATION

I am forever thankful for many of the manifestations of auxiliary functions! Despite not being as ‘developed’ or ‘mature’ as dominant ones, they tend to be the ones that save the day for me. Whether it is so that someone can pull themselves out of the infamous loop between dominant and tertiary functions acting overwhelmingly unbalanced or for helping someone out of other suffocating and drowning situations. It’s said that we turn to the auxiliary function to assist ourselves and others in times of trouble (as the name suggests) and, while not limited to functions in this position, this is very much true in some cases and you can see it in a distinctive manner.

So here’s what I appreciate about all the auxiliary functions when they are acting in healthy integration and moderation.

Auxiliary Se in ISPs
You’re the easy and quick to install reality-check patch. Along with getting us back to our senses, you equip us with “It is what it is” kits that allow us to face things as they are so that we can then better decide what can be done about them or if something even must be done about them instead of just letting them be and/or letting them go. You can be a daredevil, but also the epitome of chill and taking it as it comes.

Auxiliary Si in ESJs
Somebody has to be the responsible one while everybody else is acting crazy, and that’s usually you. You make sure to have all you need to proceed properly and with caution, ensuring the best you can that all relevant details have been taken care of to sustain what is being worked toward. This might make you undesirably uptight and restrictive to many, but often it shows in the results that it was worth it.

Auxiliary Ne in INPs
When everything seems dull and all done and over with, you’re the one to turn to for fresh and alternative ways to look at things and to reveal more of all that’s astonishing (or simply humorous). Or you just distract us with ‘pointless’ pursuits that are a ‘waste of time’ but ultimately broaden our understanding and keep us from being ignorant and in the dark.

Auxiliary Ni in ENJs
Personally, I feel so validated by you when, while being a more worldly person, you acknowledge the ‘otherworldly.’ How you connect the dots and pick up patterns from all your experiences is quite educational and gives a sense of divine order and purpose. You can step up and see above the mess and that in itself is enough to make matters more manageable. Also, being far-sighted means you can see beyond and break out of fruitless cycles.

Auxiliary Te in ITJs
“That doesn’t even make sense!” You look for effective solutions and are baffled by nonsense - especially when it only serves to be counterproductive. When you take the time, you can simplify and instruct in a manner that is easily grasped and to the point. What seems to you as obvious and appropriate to mention, often turns out to be a brutal truth or an address of the elephant in the room. And we’d be doomed without this at least every once in a while.

Auxiliary Ti in ETPs
When you’re not justifying or excusing unnecessarily disrespectful and unorthodox ideas or behaviors, you’re helping explain why and how novel ways of seeing and doing things make much more sense than established or previous ones. You often have much to go off from to debate and make valid points while being simultaneously entertaining and interesting. Learning with you is an exciting journey.

Auxiliary Fe in IFJs
You’re the reader and interpreter of broken families (figuratively or literally speaking) and would make it your mission to remedy them. When you can justly stand and strive for yourself and for others, rather than allowing yourself to be superficial or malleable, you are able to give each and all what they need for their appropriate nourishment (whether that includes union or separation) and nurture them into more humane individuals or groups. You take people’s concerns into account when others wouldn’t.

Auxiliary Fi in EFPs
Indulge, indulge, indulge. This can be too much to some (like me), but can make you a good - or even a great - host for certain occasions (if not only an extravagant one). You’d also say and fully stand behind, “Why wait for others to make you happy when you can make yourself happy!” You celebrate people for who they are, believing “It’d be boring if we were all the same.” And often this means you’ll gladly cheer for everyone’s best qualities and personal fulfillment.

I can’t wait for more ex muslims to start speaking up and connecting with each other and the world and speaking about our struggles and how we’re treated so the world can finally start waking up and acknowledging us. Right now, our community is growing, it’s always been there and existed but thanks to social media we’re able to connect and speak out about the injustices and oppression we face. Like even just knowing there are other people out there who feel the same way you do is so comforting.

Portraying Sexual Attraction

*Per a discussion we had in Skype, this legit “essay” has been co-written by More-Legit and myself. This is oriented towards sexual attraction leading to romantic relationships, FYI.

Sexuality is a huge part of our culture. It’s portrayed in all media: movies, songs, advertising, fiction, art. So it’s incredible that people so often have no idea what sexual attraction is or how it works. 

The thing is media tend to portray it as this instant magic impulse that people have. Think of your basic Lynx ad. Guy sprays himself and all of a sudden every woman within smelling radius (and it apparently reaches quite far) can feel it in her panties. She must throw herself at this guy right there and then. 

This is the extreme - and most sexist - iteration of the idea. But the basics of it are everywhere. This hot guy walks in and the female character almost immediately feels the sexual attraction. Nora in Hush Hush felt Patch’s “dark magnetism” even when he creeped her out. In Disney, Aladdin went dreamy the second he first saw the beautiful Jasmine. In Dreamgirls, Jamie Foxx knew he wanted Beyoncé’s character on sight - “When I first saw you, I said ‘oh my’-” goes the song.

But sexual attraction rarely works like this. You rarely see someone and go, “Hubbah hubbah”. It’s usually much more gradual. For example, you’ll meet a person and think they’re pretty good-looking. And then you spend the evening talking or dancing or whatever else and as you get closer, you might start feeling like you enjoy the physical closeness. Maybe you want a kiss. And maybe when they kiss you and touch you, you start getting that “Hot, I want you” feeling. That can happen within one night or within days, weeks, months or years of interaction.

The initial feeling can be one of simple curiosity, “I bet they look good naked”, without necessarily immediately translating to proper sexual attraction. Or maybe you are just laughing and thinking, “Wow, hot, I wouldn’t kick them out of bed,” which still doesn’t mean that sexual attraction is something you quite feel yet. You may just be recognizing that you could potentially feel it if the interaction with them from then on goes well.

For most people, sexual attraction is also much more complex than just seeing an attractive person and starting to desire them. For many, many people, sexual attraction goes far beyond a physical appreciation. A guy might be good-looking and rouse your curiosity, but lose all sex appeal the second he opens his mouth and turns out to be some sexist fuckboy. A girl may be physically appealing to you but then that chemistry that makes you want to take things further just isn’t there.

Your own personality and hang-ups can come into play as well. You might recognize this person is attractive but you’re too shy (or not in tune with your own feelings enough) to feel more than that simple recognition of, “Yes, they’re pretty”. Maybe you usually don’t feel that sexual attraction without having a certain level of emotional connection with somebody - for example if you’re demisexual, but even if you’re not.

All this to say… the “instant attraction” that is written about so often in fiction is disingenuous. At best, it can make your fictional relationships feel “fake”. At worst, it can objectify the person a character is attracted to, transforming them into an object to be won. (True regardless of the genders of the parties involved). And the “instant attraction” trope becomes especially problematic when, as portrayed in “Hush, Hush,” that attraction comes at the price of a character’s safety, personal liberty, or consent - (i.e., “I know you want me, even if you hate my personality, so I’m going to push things further than you mentally want to go”.) 

However, a more realistic portrayal of sexual attraction allows you to acknowledge that the attraction exists while still developing a deeper emotional connection between those characters - which ultimately leads to a stronger, healthier, and more realistic fictional relationship. 

So consider the many different ways that attraction exists, and develops, and changes over time. Play around with the instant attraction trope and show how a bad emotional/mental connection can sink attraction. Or show how a positive emotional/mental connection can turn a “Hey, she’s cute,” into a “Hubbah hubbah.” There are countless options to experiment with in your fiction. 

i love how robert refers to his and aaron’s first hook up as “our first time” rather than “the first time we shagged” because it acknowledges the fact that for him, it still has a rather high value of emotion even though at the time, it meant nothing. However, by time he’s come to acknowledge that it was something which was meant to happen and makes him feel a sense of emotional connection with aaron regardless of the circumstances at the time.

2

10/12/15 - 9:22 PM

Started my annotation of ‘The Crucible’ by Arthur Miller! Here are my tips for annotating plays:

  • analyze dramatic devices and literary devices separately; they’re not synonymous and can have different meanings! however, they can work together to create a theme
  • separate the play by placing a bookmark or special sticky note at each act (and scene, if applicable); this makes annotation more organized as it’s easier to reference annotations when working with a group (since everyone may not have the same version of the book)
    • this also helps to group annotations together in your mind as they are separated by acts in your book
  • don’t be afraid to write in the margins if it’s a personal copy of the book; this way you can draw physical connections between characters, lines, and annotations to show the relation between the two
  • compare annotations with other students; this increases the chances that you got all of the meaning you could have gotten out of a particular page; now you’re not going to miss anything!
  • annotate the little things; on an essay, while it is important to point out the major obvious details, it is also important to acknowledge the smaller instances in order to demonstrate how you are paying attention to the text even during lulls in plot
  • save sticky-notes by cutting them in half for shorter annotations; you’re getting two sticky-notes for the price of one!
hate you like winter

Group/Member: GOT7 // Jaebum

Genre: Angst w/ implied fluff ending

Word Count: 1.742

Prompt: Dialogue w/ Jaebum 18
“If you don’t hate me, you don’t know me well enough.” 

Summary: After watching you suffer from afar for too long, Jaebum decides to step in.

Masterlist // AU Prompt List // Dialogue Prompt List // Rules

The wind that greeted you as you slammed the backdoor was freezing. Whipping harshly across your cheeks, making your eyes water slightly. It was good though; it made you feel a little less numb inside. It made all the words that had been spat at you that day feel a little more bearable…it made you feel like maybe you were capable of feeling. Trudging through the freshly fallen snow you don’t even register the voice that was calling you until you see someone run past you and then turn in front of you, forcing you to stop dead in your tracks. For the slightest of seconds, you let your guard down, face filled with surprise as you look at him. Like a switch though you push it away, shooting a glare at him as you shove your hands in your pocket.

“Jaebum what do you want?” you ask in frustration as you just keep walking, simply veering around him. He turns though and is now walking beside you. He’d been waiting on the porch of his own house next door to yours. Waiting for the moment that you’d come out and he could talk to you. You and Jaebum had been neighbors since you were children. Now in the last year of your high school careers, this was the first time you’d spoken to him in a long time.

You and Jaebum had your own agendas. He was huge into sports, always gone for practices and games while you preferred either spending your time in your room, nose buried in a book or our walking through the backstreets of the city, finding new places that you could call your own and seek solace. You remembered a few times when you were younger how your mothers would try and have play dates for the two of you, but you weren’t the most social child and had for the most part spent the two hours ignoring Jaebum completely before you mom finally called you back home for dinner.

“I um…was just hoping that maybe we could talk? Thought maybe you could use the company?” The words make you completely halt Jaebum accidentally walking ahead of you, not prepared for your sudden action.

“Are you serious right now?” you ask, your voice coming out in a mortified whisper. “If this is just you lending me your pity, or trying to make yourself feel better after all these years then you can fuck off,” you bite before charging forward again, this time allowing your elbow to slam into his as you walk by.

There were moments where you regretted a lot of things you said. Moments where you secretly wished it was easier to talk to people and be open with them, instead of being the closed off person that you were. It hadn’t been easy watching the few friends that you had walk away once you’d entered high school, nor had it been easy watching them as they gained different friends. Ones that were more open with how they felt, that weren’t closed off and constantly frowning. Lifting your head up high you let the wind connect directly with your face; it makes the tears go away before they can even come.

Jaebum stands still where he is, his face glued to the ground as you get farther and farther away from him. He bites his lip hard enough to taste blood before he’s finally snapped out of it, his feet running across the snow-covered alleyway after you. “[Y/N] wait.” You don’t slow down your pace as you walk away still, and you don’t turn around to acknowledge him. He takes the latter as a sign that he can at least keep walking with you, though this time he opts to stay behind you instead of beside you. He follows you all the way to the river side, cursing that he didn’t pack a hat with him, but curious as to why you didn’t either.

“Go ahead…clear your conscious,” he hears you say, the bits and venom in your tone making him wince.

“I…that’s not why I’m here,” he says as he watches you take a seat on the ground despite the snow. “Aren’t you cold? You’re going to get yourself sick if you stay out here,” and the look on your face makes him shut up immediately as you turn and look at him. “Is this why you followed me? Because you’re worried about my health? Or because you’re finally sick of just sitting and listening to my parents scream at me all the time?”

Twice. Twice now your words have completely stunned him into silence, his head hanging low at what you said. What you said is only partially true. He isn’t ‘sick’ of hearing it, he’s ‘sickened’ by it. Neither you nor him could probably pinpoint the exact time that the yelling had started. Maybe around the time that you’d both turned twelve? Back when your father had lost his job and started depending a little hard on whiskey. Back when your mother had forced to take up three jobs to pay all of the bills and put food on the table. Back when you’d stopped smiling and started scowling. Either way it didn’t matter, because until you could leave, the screaming would continue.

“Look Jaebum, I don’t need your pity. I’m fine,” you say, your voice growing a little softer on the last few words. Maybe you and Jaebum hadn’t been close friends, or friends at all, but after living next to one another as long as you had and being able to see into your own home from his windows, he’d seen the changes you’d gone through. He’d seen the way that you shut yourself out from just about everybody in school, and the way you’d endured the harsh and angry words that were sometimes loud enough to wake him up at night. He’d seen the few tears you shed as you left your back door sometimes and he’d seen the time on his clock when he saw you finally returning home. He may not have seen it up close, but he watched you suffer from a distance.

His parents had always told him that to be respectful you need to stay out of people’s business, but deep down he knew that he couldn’t keep pretending that he didn’t hear what he heard, or saw what he saw. “I just want to help you out if I can,” he finally said, knowing that at this point there probably wasn’t much he could say that would help.

“Jaebum…quit acting like you like me.”

“But I do.”

“No. I guarantee that you think you do, and that if you really knew me, you’d hate me too. If you don’t hate me, you don’t know me well enough.”  

The words pained both of you to say. You because you truly believed what you were saying, and Jaebum because he knew that after years of emotional abuse, that was exactly what you thought people thought of you. He wanted to show you how wrong you were, wanted to tell you that even if he hadn’t talked to you like he should have, even if he hadn’t put an effort into knowing you until now, that you were wrong. You were wrong and he was ready to make that clear to you.

Jaebum wasn’t dumb though. He knew that saying a few encouraging things wouldn’t make you think any different. He knew that the only thing that would work now was time. Sure, he’d wasted years, but he was ready to make up for that. Taking a step forward through the snow, he plopped down next to you despite the immediately cold that shot up his tailbone.

Letting out a long breath he watched as his breath became visible to the world.

“[Y/N] do you know how much I hate winter?” the question throws you off as you turn your head and give him a confused look at the sudden change of topic. “A lot. I hate that I can’t just go and lay outside without freezing some appendage. I hate that my nose always seems to be running. I hate that my fingers always feel like they’re going to fall off. I hate how dangerous it makes driving. I really hate how wet my ass is right now too,” he says, smiling a little as he notices the small laugh that leaves our lips. “I guarantee that nothing in this world will ever rival my hate for winter.”

“Is that so?” you ask, trying to keep your tone flat.

“It is, which is why I’m declaring right here, and right now, that your statement about me hating you is false, because I don’t hate much of anything compared to winter.” Leaning to the side he lets his shoulder knock into your own, your head spinning to look at him. The smile on his face  makes you shake your head. Why the hell after all these years was he just now sitting next to you?

“I should have done this a long time ago.”

“Huh?” you ask looking at him, shocked that he somehow managed to read your thoughts.

“I should have come to you a long time ago, but I didn’t want to think I was butting into your business. But I’m butting in now. I’m butting in and I’m letting you know that I should have been here for you a long time ago, and whether you think I’m being sincere or not…I’m going to stay here for you. No matter how long it takes.”

You don’t want to believe him. You want to yell at him and tell him to scram like you’d done to so many other people. You want to refuse his help and tell yourself that he was lying, just like everybody else, but somewhere deep down isn’t letting you. Maybe it’s because you’re so sick of fighting by yourself. Maybe it’s because after hearing such negative words aimed at you for so long, you’re just incapable of taking anything at all anymore…or maybe it’s because deep down you know that he’s being sincere with what he’s saying.

“Fine,” you say after a few minutes of silence.

“Fine?”

“Fine. Prove me wrong. Prove that you won’t hate me like you hate winter.”

Jaebum smiles at this, a little bit of warmth spreading through him despite the weather.

“You’re on.”

PETER HALE'S INTEREST IN STILES

There are numerous accounts where Stiles and Peter get along. For pale-weak-defenseless-147-pounds-of-frail-skin-and-fragile-bones Stiles to spend so much time with the psychotic-monstrous-lunatic-who-everyone-hates Peter without the latter killing the former (and not even injuring, ever), it’s a very strange dynamic for the show.

Unfortunately I can not point out all of these instances, but I will do my best to point out the most significant patterns between these two. 

I have three main speculations as to why this strange relationship exists between Stiles and Peter, but first let’s look at the evidence:

Keep reading

Okay. About That Handshake.

(Spoilers from KnB Episode 75. Long post with images. I am a sap. Brace for Kuroko feels, Akashi feels, and basically all the feels.)

So out of all the wonderful moments in Episode 75, this is the one I wanted to talk about the most: the moment when Kuroko shakes Akashi’s hand.

It made me cry, on a weirdly instinctual level, and at first I couldn’t figure out why it got to me so much. Obviously the scene is hugely significant in terms of Akashi’s growth as a character, where he experiences a loss for the first time (and handles it like a champ, I might add!). But I kept feeling like there was something more going on there.

Then I remembered. And I thought, “Of course.”

Because the last time Akashi competed in a game, this situation was reversed. He won, and his former teammate Midorima lost. And Midorima held out his hand at the end of their match, and Akashi refused to shake it. “If you desire victory, you must become cold-hearted,” he said. “I wish to be your enemy.”

He was still Bokushi at the time, still consumed by his belief that winning makes you right, that only victory can bring you success and happiness. He thought he had to win no matter what, and that by winning, he would be able to get all of the things he wanted (like staying connected to the rest of the Generation of Miracles by competing against them, even if in reality he was just isolating himself from them).

And Midorima had to accept that rejection. Which I imagine hurt a lot, coming from someone he was so close to in middle school. When I first saw this scene, I immediately thought, “OUCH. I wonder where the story is going with that?” Because it’s a pretty extreme moment, and the idea that it was just there to make Akashi seem more “villainous” didn’t sit well with me. So I assumed it was there for a reason.

I believe the last episode was that reason.

Here in Episode 75, we see how much Akashi has changed. He does exactly what Midorima did when he lost. But it means even more than that. Because in this moment when Akashi is going through something very difficult (but very important), when he is the most vulnerable that he has ever been in his entire life, he holds out his hand for Kuroko to shake.

(Keep reading for the handshake analysis, and sappy KnB feels.)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

why does brienne love jaime? also, does she know that she loves him?

Good question. Personally I don’t think there has to be a logical or tangible reason for feelings. Sometimes you just fall in love, and that’s it. You don’t even know why, or what attracted you in the first place.

But, specifically, Brienne has a lot of *reasons* to fall in love with Jaime. The most important is the fact that, throughout their road trip from Riverrun to KL, she developed a true bond with him; a bond based on common experiences, shared traumas and an unexpected affinity in the way they relate to the concept of knighthood. Jaime is a man Brienne had always known for his most reviled act - killing the king. She despised him for that; a man with no honor is, to honest, idealistic Brienne, the worst kind of person. But the more intimately she gets to know Jaime, the less she can reconcile her former mental image of Jaime Lannister the kingslayer and oathbreaker with what she sees with her own eyes. She sees a man who has an acute, deep understanding of the multiple ways in which society is corrupt, despite being, at the same time, complicit in that corruption. (note that although Brienne is idealistic like Sansa, she’s not that naive and sheltered. She has always known that arrogance and cruelty abound among “respectable” lords and knights; she knows very well that people like Randyll Tarly exist.) She sees a man who takes pride in his self proclaimed pragmatism and lack of morality, but whose knee-jerk reaction to abuse, injustice and true amorality is to fight against it.

And I think this duality in Jaime challenges her, because it forces her to go beyond the surface; beyond the obvious ideal of chivalry to reach something more profound and significant, that she herself strives for, as a knight who will never be granted the honor to be called as such. Jaime’s conflict with knighthood is her own conflict too, albeit for different reasons: how can you be a true knight, when the world just refuses to see you as one? So I think Brienne recognizes Jaime as a kindred spirit in some twisted, complicated way that she doesn’t understand completely yet.

Keep reading

The secret amourshipping in the dance episode that none of us noticed...

Alright, salty ladies, salty gentlemen, and salty etc! I know I’ve already said that today’s episode, despite the scummy marketing team making us think otherwise, was not about amourshipping, but it was actually about the bond between Serena and her eevee/sylveon. Well, I’m here to point out how the ending of this episode was even more shippy than any dance could have been.

Ash doesn’t understand romance like Serena or even we, the audience do. So we need to take a step back and think about what would make Ash feel excited and happy when he’s with a person like Serena, and understand that a dance with her would not really impact him much.

The episode goes out of its way to show us that Ash is uncomfortable with the dance, with other girls (like Miette), and shows us that he is uncomfortable in this environment (showing us that he doesn’t like to wear suits). We can see that none of the dances with the other girls at the ball had any effect on him, so a dance with Serena would mean nothing to him aside from an awkward time with someone he considers a friend. (Whose toes he would step on a bunch.)

However, did you notice there’s a reason why Ash and Serena’s tag battle was the only one in the episode? That it was the only time Ash was truly happy at that ball? Where he got to do something he loved with someone he cared about? The fact that this was the only battle at that ball means that this will be a happy moment with Serena that he will never forget. (Thanks to @purimpopoie for pointing this out!)

Furthermore, We can see Ash and Serena supporting each other in a battle, matching up their movements almost like how a dance works (okay, I’m stretching for this bit), but the piece de resistance was where Serena’s Eevee evolved into Sylveon. If Ash even knows anything about how Sylveon evolve due to affection, now he can have clear visual proof of how much of a loving and caring person Serena is every time she sends out Sylveon.

Heck, Pokemon evolving conveniently due to their trainer’s love has been Ash’s thing forever, and this serves as an ever greater connection between the two. So we can all acknowledge that this battle has brought Serena closer to Ash in a way that neither she nor us could quite understand than even some fancy-pants dance would have.

Bless you, Omode.

anonymous asked:

Pissed off Straight Anon here. I came back to see that CommanderOswald has left tumblr because there are several people who think that Lexa’s death only affected lesbians, or that it affected lesbians the most. I vehemently disagree, allow me to elaborate. The idea that only lesbians could relate to Lexa is bullshit. Lexa was everything my brother wants to be as he grows up into a man. Lexa was a role model to him, an icon, a source of strength, hope and inspiration (1/6)A

all rolled into one beautifully complex character. And hell, I can see why, Lexa was my favorite too because she was so achingly human. Heck I’d be lying if I said that me, as a straight cis man, didn’t take a pointer or two from her. And her death hit my brother HARD. The fact that it was Titus -Lexa’s father figure- who killed Lexa as he was trying to kill Clarke because he disapproved of their relationship hit all of my brother’s fears in the most brutally efficient way I have EVER (2/6)A

seen, and I’ve had to comfort him and talk him through panic attacks a few times over the years. And still I’ve never seen anything hit him quite as hard as Lexa’s death and savagely tear him down to his deepest fears. I didn’t mention it before but I feel like I should now, when I held my brother than night he told me about how the person who shot and killed his boyfriend in the nightmare was my father. The parallels between his nightmare and Lexa’s death by Titus’ hand are easy to see, (3/6)A

I can easily see what triggered the nightmare even if he himself never made or refuses to acknowledge the connection. I will not tell you the things my father said to him in his nightmare, or the things that my brother described to me in vivid detail that happen in his nightmare afterwards, that would be too triggering in my opinion to anyone who reads this. And FUCK it frightens ME so I cannot even imagine how it must be for you guys. So no, don’t fucking DARE tell me that Lexa’s death (4/6)A

exclusively hit lesbians or that it somehow hit them harder. I’ve seen with my own two eyes how it fucking destroyed my brother, a gay male boy. I’ve seen on Twitter nonbinary and trans people speak up about how it felt like a piece of them died too even if they are not lesbians themselves. Lexa’s death resonated with the entire LGBT+ community, I know cause I’ve seen it, I’ve seen the destruction of spirit that it left in its aftermath. I’m determined to be the best damn ally I can be (5/6)A

and as a straight dude I know my words should be taken with a grain of salt, but I’m not going to stand here and let you dismiss or belittle my brother’s –and countless others’- pain over Lexa’s death. I’m going to keep shouting until The 1OO is cancelled. They made it personal when they preyed on MY little brother so, as the grounders would say, jus drein jus daun. (6/6)A

I don’t know about you all, but my fire is fucking lit after reading this. I like you, anon. And I’ll keep screaming with you and everyone else who wants to to make JRot pay for what he’s done if its the last thing I do. Whatever it takes. No matter how long it takes. 

“You know, I said you didn’t have to come.”
“Doesn’t mean I had to listen.”

Let’s talk about my favorite Camsten moment. Right now. I can’t hold it in anymore and I have been toying with posting this for a while now.

This whole episode had Kirsten dealing with a lot. She battled with how she felt about Liam and what she should say to him, she battled with what she saw in the stitch, and she battled with developing feelings. Realizing that she needed to find out who she was as a person before she could give her heart to anyone.

Too bad she wasn’t the one to give her heart away.

I’m in love with this scene. I love that he was her first phone call after Liam left. She could have called Camille, the person who actually lives with her; her friend. But, she didn’t. She told him he didn’t have to come, and I could just about imagine that he was almost home. Probably turning the key to his apartment, feeling dejected knowing she was going back to give Liam her answer; when his phone rang.
Actually, I’m surprised he answered. But, this IS Kirsten, so why wouldn’t he? I wish we had the scene where he got the call. So I could have heard her voice. Heard what she said to him, how her voice probably cracked when she told him he didn’t have to come. Probably felt a sinking feeling when he immediately hung up his phone, taking the key out of the lock and getting to her as fast as possible.

Back to the porch scene.
“You know, I said you didn’t have to come.” The way she turns to him as soon as he sits down. So that she isn’t facing away from him anymore. It’s a role reversal because most of the first part of the season, he was the one facing her, while she faced away from him. 

“Doesn’t mean I had to listen.”  He lingers on her. Just a second longer, because for the first time in a long time, she isn’t fighting him. She isn’t putting up a barrier or a wall. She’s opening up to him and letting him inside of her mind. And I think that he is such a willing participant that of course he would have come to her. He would go anywhere for her.

“So?” I like to think that she didn’t even need to say the words. She didn’t even need to acknowledge that Liam was gone. But he so desperately feels that he’s getting so close to her, that he is finally hoping she is feeling something from all of those stitches, that he is genuinely interested in how she is feeling. If she’s feeling anything.

“You know me, I’m already over it.” She’s still trying to linger on to not feeling anything at all, and I think he can see right through her. That’s why he smirks and they break their connection with each other. Because he knows, he can see it on her face that she’s still strong, tough, Kirsten. But her eyes, they are saying something different. There’s sadness there.

 
Changing the subject to the case brings back the bantering. I think they can both feel the shift in their relationship. It’s so much stronger now than it was even when they started the case. I think Kirsten can feel it. She can feel it.

That’s until, he pulls out the rock. You can see the panic hit her face the moment it hits the air. She saw him in the corpse cassette. Even though it was only a vision- the thought it could actually happen. The thought of him not being around her anymore. The thought of losing him is actually on her face. You can see it when it happens. She can’t even imagine living in a world without Cameron Goodkin in it, and I think in this moment she realized it. I think she wondered how she had ever gone this long living in a world without him in the first place. Because once you find your soulmate, once you find the person you’re meant to be with; you suddenly can’t imagine a single day without them. You can’t picture what your life was like before them, and just like Kirsten, it almost feels as though the moment it happens; it becomes instantly familiar.

“You take it, to protect your heart.” He hands over his metaphorical heart to her. He wants to protect her, with every inch of his life. If he could, he would wrap his own heart around hers so that she would never have to feel another ounce of pain. He would always be there to shield her and to make sure that she always felt like even if he didn’t have to come…that he would always be there.

Because even with a damaged heart, he has always known that hers was way more fragile.

Dear Disney XD,

@disneyxd Four months after the finale, still no reruns in America or news of a third season, and yet Wander Over Yonder still has all of this support. Did you ever imagine this sort of response when your executives decided to cancel the show? Do you still believe that 80 episodes are enough? Do you think that if that were true then there would be a campaign this strong or a fanbase this devoted saying otherwise?

37,000 supporters. More than the Gravity Falls fandom (your biggest fandom and most successful Disney XD show) trying to get their show on DVD. More than the campaign to save Disney Infinity, which Disney sold 3 million copies of.

This campaign has been going on since March 5th 2016. That’s nearly eight months. Yet the campaign is still going strong.

If Wander Over Yonder wasn’t a show worth saving, then this campaign wouldn’t exist or it would definitely never have this much support.

We understand.

You decide what shows are made and renewed because you are the ones with the money, you are the ones in charge, you know what keeps your network afloat. But what is television without the viewers? What is Disney XD  without its viewers? Both sides are just as important and need each other, so surely there should be some middle ground where both sides can meet and the argument considered and then the network and viewers can work together to make Disney XD even better! (Especially in cases like this where there are thousands of people all supporting and wanting the same thing.)

When it’s one sided, the other side can feel disconnected. That their opinion means nothing when the channel is also meant to be tailored for them. Listening to or at least acknowledging your viewers and their concerns can help to improve your network and help you connect with them to keep them engaged and coming back for more. You don’t have to start approving more things (We know how much you have to put up with campaign-wise and a lot of fans don’t really know what’s best) but at least consider what the other side is trying to say and go from there.

Your slogan is “The Future Is Now.” Then let’s make a better future right now for Disney XD by working together. Not just for the SaveWOY campaign but to ensure that the network, the viewers and the people who work for you are all happy or at least understand each other.

Right now the only reason we were given for the cancelation of Wander Over Yonder was that “80 episodes are enough.” We have heard nothing else on the matter despite trying to reach out to you to discuss it.

Please pass this on to the @disneyxd executives. Reach out to us. Work with us. We want to hear your side of the story, your true reasons. Then we can share ours and hopefully together we can work out a solution where both sides are happy or at the very least, come to a mutual understanding. 

Tonight for Trending Twenty-Seventh, the SaveWOY supporters will come together in another attempt to reach out to you. Please answer our call.

3

TOME Week: Day Seven - Free for All

Well, TOME week’s finally at its end because I get final say HAH. This has been one of the most enjoyable periods I’ve had in this fandom. So first off, thank you SO much to all those that participated. It wouldn’t have been possible without your contributions! Whether you drew art, created graphics, wrote up commentary, or even just reblogged others’ work–you guys are rad as hell. Thank you! 

I wanted to make a set that reaches out to you folks personally as my final work for the week. Things get a bit lengthy from here, so I’ve cropped it for easier reading and consumption. But the basic gist is this: things get better. You get better. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next month, and maybe it won’t even be next year. But in the end, you will be alright. Nothing lasts forever, and as cheesy as it sounds, rainy days never stay. 

Remember that people love and care about you. You’ve come a long way and you’ll only continue to grow. You matter, your struggles matter, and you will overcome them in time. Good luck, guys.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Please, PLEASE for the love of Harry Potter acknowledge on a more frequent basis that the majority of people cannot and will not ever be able to afford the travel you do. The places you go and the frequency to which you travel is absolutely absurd to anyone that is trying to work, pay rent, has a family, has an illness, or is working on any number of 'real life' situations. It's not judgemental. It's factual. It hurts like hell to see you traipse about the planet while we all struggle.

I feel like you must not have followed me for too long or too closely if this is the opinion you hold of me, or think that it’s what I believe. I talk constantly about privilege, how lucky certain humans (including acknowledging my own, as someone who owns a device that connects to the Internet and has food on my table) are and how we all have different opportunities in life. I’m not really sure how much “more frequently” you feel will suffice, but I don’t think I’ve ever said directly or inadvertently that everyone can or even should travel. Others don’t have access to the food you eat or bed you sleep on either but it doesn’t mean you should hide away and pretend you don’t enjoy those luxuries. The fact that I can afford to go camping in a beautiful place with friends is wonderful and I’m very thankful for the chance to do so. I’m sharing my life, my experiences and my world on here. I follow people who live in Bora Bora, drive fancy cars, have functioning bodies, live in constantly warm climates, have healthy parents or have loads of pets/siblings and I don’t get upset or angry that I can’t have those things. I’m happy for them, and I work on being happy in my own life with whatever opportunities I can find. I hope you can do the same xx

i dun really know what is happening with N and the rest of VIXX but it seems like they are having a hard time as of the moment.please tweet them kind words and encourage them and tell them that you believe in them;most especially with N.Ravi wrote a message about how N is a sincere person and that we need to believe in them.i feel like crying rn coz you can just clearly see that they are greatly affected by whatever issue they are going through.so please give them some encouraging words coz they need it.

Crossfire Chapter 3 - From the Edge of Darkness

Author’s Note: Once again all you dear readers surprised me with all the love for this story. Keep them coming because I read each and everyone of them.

If you want to be tagged as soon as this story or any of my other stories are posted, please send me a DM thru my twitter account (details below) so I can tag you, same as the others who have requested a tag.

Since you’ve read the two previous chapters you’d know that they were dedicated to creating backstories for both Oliver and Felicity. Since this deviates a lot from the Arrow TV version notably in Felicity’s backstory, it was a necessary preface for all of us to be on the same page so to speak.

Now that had been established, this story gets exciting.

Remember that the timeline of this story begins from the time Oliver leaves Lian Yu following the end of Season 4 of Arrow TV and takes another direction from there since I totally changed Felicity’s backstory. As the chapters progress, Oliver eventually crosses paths with Anatoli again that eventually leads to his Bratva journey.

I however have to warn you, the pacing of the story development will be deliberate and any romance will be slow burn.

Last note, it is becoming clear to me that this story is going to be longer than my 10 chapters which I had previously thought. With so much story to tell, it’s apparent that so much story is still to be written.

If you love this story, please give my other stories some love too. I’m currently updating another Olicity fic – Undercover. The others are on hiatus since with my full-time job and a life. I can realistically work on just two stories at a time and the occasional one-shot.

Anyway, here goes chapter 3.

Message me thru any of the following:

Twitter – lollipopsays

Fanfiction – lollipopdiairies

Ao3 – lollipopdiaries

Tumblr - everythinglollipop

Originally posted by olivergifs


CROSSFIRE

Chapter 3 – From the Edge of Darkness

She scuttled back until she hit a wall.

“I won’t hurt you.”

Felicity heard the voice of the silhouette of a very large man who seemed even larger because of her angle looking up from the floor.

American. Definitely the accent was American, quite rare on this side of the world.

He looked burly enough to be a thug but then again Russians were very particular about their operations. They wouldn’t just invite anyone into the fold.

No, this man was definitely not part of the mob.

Unlike her, she was very much part of the organization. She had been transported from the US to the heart of the mob operations because her skills had proven to be an undeniable asset.

Oh she still had days of insurgence. Days when she woke up and felt like she wanted to rebel but always the mob had dangled her mother’s life above her head.

Just earlier today she had been tasked to erase all documentation of a large shipment of drugs that was to dock in US territory in a few hours. Her little mutiny had resulted in the delay in the delivery of shipment costing the mob millions and her, a few souvenir bruises.

Oh they never went further than a few bumps and scratches, she was an important part of the operation, almost irreplaceable actually.

She was expected to brush of her physical injuries as job hazard and report for work the next day like it was nothing.

“Who’s there? Come out.”

Because her curiosity had gotten the better of her, because she had missed hearing that accent and it had so felt like home, she carefully pushed herself by her hands from the floor to her feet stepping forward tentatively until she was finally face to face with the most handsome man she had ever seen in her life.

“Oh.”

“Will you stop following me!”

Despite her assurances that she was fine he continued to saunter along, he couldn’t just not keep on following her. The fact that he had left his bike in the alley and continued to follow her for several blocks wasn’t lost on both of them.

Lian Yu and his experience had definitely changed him. While he didn’t go around feeling responsible for just every woman he encountered, he had felt a strong connection with a few during the last few years. Shado, Tatsu Yamashiro, Taiana and even Sara Lance.

It wasn’t necessarily romantic love that he felt, in fact for so long he couldn’t define exactly what made him gravitate toward certain women, until recently. It was the quiet strength in women that he found attractive.

His attraction equaled respect for these types of women. In all of them he found the strength of a warrior in them. Like they were more than capable of taking anyone and everything by themselves, of course some more capable than others.

The woman in front of him who was obviously in pain but winging it in 3-inch heels and a worst for wear pink and orange bright dress was a perfect example of that.

What took Oliver by surprise was how instantaneous and without question his connection felt with the woman who had barely said a few words to him. Reluctantly even acknowledged him and carried on as if she could take on the world all by herself and come up on top without anyone’s help.

He was sensitive enough to know his aid was unwelcome, but he couldn’t just walk away. Instead, he quickened his steps so he could be side by side with her.

“You can barely walk straight.”

She stopped and turned to face him.

“I’m perfectly fine.” She protested again. “It’s just my three-inch heels really and it’s been a very long day.”

“I’m just going to see you safely to your door then I’ll be on my way then. It’s the gentleman thing to do.”

Felicity gave him an unladylike scoff, “chivalry. In another life that would be cute. But not in this one, not in this world.” She pirouetted and started to walk again but not before the end of her barely there anymore ponytail hit him right in the jaw as if it had a life of it’s own.

Yeah, he really needed to ice his jaw if something as innocent as a ponytail smacking his jaw could hurt like hell. Damn the woman! Didn’t see get that he was actually helping her!

Anyone who had eyes would take one look at her and see what he was seeing. While minor, the cuts and bruise showing on the side of her cheek where definitely not the result of her stumbling as she had first declared. That plus the obvious way she had been stroking her left side told him from his very vast assortment of past injuries that she had recently been beaten, very recently.

Not quite tortured. But definitely she had been struck.

“This is my stop. None the worst for wear, very much alive and definitely breathing so you can chalk up one for the knight and shinning armor crew, this damsel” pointing to herself for emphasis, “will definitely live to survive another day.”

He stopped just a couple of feet away from her giving her a once-over as if cataloging her injuries again. “I know you lied. Those injuries aren’t really consistent with a fall.”

She huffed in annoyance, “and who are you to say, the pain police? Just leave it. And leave me alone. Just go. Go!” She raised a finger and pointed it at no particular direction.

“I’m not just going to leave you looking like that,” Oliver gestured with a sweeping hand a few inches away from her body. “At least let me clean those and wrap your rib. The way you were moving I can tell it was just bruised, not broken but if it isn’t properly taken cared of it will hurt like hell in a few hours.”

Felicity crossed her arms over her chest, inhaling heavily because she had inadvertently smacked her arm over her injury, making her wince in pain. Maybe she really needed his help. While she had been ‘beaten’ a few times, this one was a little more brutal. It really was starting to throb.

But as much as she appreciated the good samaritan gesture, she was also wary. The last few weeks had taught her to be. Being involved with her could get the other person in harms way, maybe killed. On top of everything else, she would never want that on her conscience.

“Fine.”

She frowned as soon as she blurted out the word because something was definitely wrong with her brain and mouth coordination.

She stepped back and did not move at all.

“Please, let me help you then I’ll be on my way. I promise. I wouldn’t even ask any questions.”

With another loud puff, Felicity turned and made her way toward the double glass doors that served as the building entrance pausing for just a second to look back a sign that he took as her acknowledgement to him to follow.

Oliver’s eyes scoped the motel room, because it definitely not an apartment. She had a luggage that was on one side, open. An assortment of clothes neatly folded inside while a few dresses hanged from steel casement window handles.

Beyond the bed was an open doorway, a tiny bathroom where he could clearly see women’s under garments hanging to dry.

He lowered his duffel bag on the floor of the tiny room, searching for a chair where she could be more comfortable before he begun his task. Finding none, he gestured for her to take a seat on top of the bed.

After a few seconds of stare down she began to slump down on the bed rolling her eyes as if to insist she was fine and he was being overly dramatic until midway down she suddenly gave out a tortured grunt then pressed her hand to her side in obvious pain.

In less than a second, Oliver was at her side with knees bent on the floor his hand over hers without he even being aware of it.

“Oh God! That hurt so bad, so bad…..,” Felicity said grabbing his hand in a deadly grip before she lowered her head on top of his shoulder sucking in a breath.

If someone was looking at them right now with Oliver on his knees cradling her bruised ribs with care while his other hand was still being held in a bone-crunching grip and she leaning in to him for comfort, they would probably come to a very different conclusion.

In some ways the way they held on to one another was intimate.

To his credit it had been quite a long while the last time he had gotten laid, not that there was lack of any volunteers, an impressive string of wins in a bare-knuckles kind of arena brought along the usual groupies. The thrill of casual sex wasn’t attractive to him in anyway anymore.

Really, there was nothing intimate about the moment. Not when they both were focused on something else. Not when they didn’t even know each other’s name, they were practically strangers.

Yeah, he should probably fix that oversight soon.

“Oliver.”

Still focused on getting her breathing back in order, she could only merit a, “what?”

“Oliver, my name. It’s Oliver.”

“Oh, okay,” finally comfortable enough to lift her head from his shoulder.

“You know, civilized protocol dictates that in like manner you return the favor by stating your name.”

Using her free hand to gesture around them, “as you can see, there is nothing civilized about this. For someone who chose a life one rung up from being a mercenary, I’m surprised you have any type of proper manners in you.”

Oliver leaned back, repositioning himself on his hunches before he answered, “ah so you did recognize me earlier.”

“It took me a few minutes, the shirt was off the last time and you were all sweaty,” she said breathlessly in remembrance as if she was affected and because of their distance from one another, he could clearly discern a blush creeping up from her neck before she continued, “but the bruises on you face are a dead giveaway.”

He eyed her with renewed interest. He was right the first time. She was a strong woman. But on top of that, she was also a woman who had all her will and her wit solidly intact despite the obvious beat down.

Truth was, they were already walking for a full block when he realized that the woman before him was the same one who had distracted him for a nanosecond during the fight that had given his opponent the opportunity to sneak in a blow.

She was the same woman being pushed by a thug into an interior room. That while he was giving his opponent a beat down she was also being beaten down. The realization of the parallels made him suck in a breath. If the thug was any indication, maybe it wasn’t just bruised ribs after all, maybe it was broken ribs that was making it difficult for her to breathe.

Originally posted by maevelin

He had gathered his things together and was in the process of zipping up his duffel bag more than an hour later done with his nursing task and ready to leave when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck tingle. Without even turning around, he could feel her eyes boring into him.

“What?” He asked without turning around.

He could hear her huff and a slight shifting of the bed before she answered, “why do you do it? Chose the way of life you have?”

He stood up and turned to face her before answering, “it pays well.”

Confusion marred his face as she gestured for him to come closer. He awkwardly took a seat on the bed by her side, her feet spread out in front of her with her back against pillows.

Before he knew what was happening, she had reached out a hand and had her thumb and pointer finger locking his chin as she shifted his face side to side her eyes busy cataloguing.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t even move because right then her thumb started to trace his jaw zoning in on the discoloration that was now becoming obvious. He leaned into her touch without even being aware of it, her touch soothing him.

“No amount of money is worth this,” she whispered almost to herself although his honed hearing picked up her words while she continued to stroke his jaw before moving her thumb to his cheek.

She stroked steadily for about a minute until it finally dawned on her what she was actually doing and she froze, the palm of her hand still on his cheek although unmoving at that point.

The next instant her eyes flew to his, their gazes locked both of them unwilling to move, unable to breathe at least until very slowly she started to pull her hand away from his cheek, her eyes now wandering around looking at everything else but his until an involuntary groan escaped from him in response to her pulling her hand away from his cheek.

A groan that had her eyes back on his, big round eyes frozen staring back at him making him entirely anxious to the point that he abruptly stood up and cleared his throat mumbling an ‘I have to go’ before picking up his bag with one hand and reaching for the knob with the other.

Her next words, “Ol…Oliver, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” stopped him.

All he could manage was one quick glance backward before he answered her, “you didn’t. I…I just have to go.”

He could feel her stare at his back, his hand still on the knob that he still hadn’t turned.

“Oh okay. Thank you then, couldn’t let you leave without thanking my hero because what you did is good, helping out a stranger. Helping me. You’re a good man. And…if I don’t get to see you again I hope you have a good life…..and you stay safe…..and think about another career that doesn’t involve getting that beautiful face of yours ruined.”

She thinks I have a beautiful face. He felt lighter at her words but then remembered why he was there in the first place, his face turning grim once again.

“I could offer you the same advice. Whatever it is you’re caught up with, reconsider it.”

Expecting a response back, he continued to pause holding the knob but recognizing he wasn’t going to get any further response he just shook his head in frustration and begun to turn the knob of her door looking over his shoulder one last time to witness her in deep thought as if contemplating something heavy.

His eyes feasted on her as if memorizing everything about her without her being aware of it all.

His heart was noticeably heavier, his step hesitant but he knew there was nothing else he could do at this point but take his leave.

The creak of the door finally removed her from her daze in time to see him halfway out the door.

“It’s Felicity.”

He paused without turning.

“My name…..it’s Felicity.”

The only visible sign that he had heard her was the slow nodding of his head before he completely stepped out of the room and closed her door with finality with him on the other side.

Felicity. She gave him her name.

As he stepped out into the night, the heavy feeling he had earlier seemed to lift. Somehow he had convinced himself that sometime, somewhere into the future he would see her again.

He would see Felicity again.