how can you even i can't even begin to understand you

Kitten’s Got His Tongue | M | 01

Yoongi & Jimin | BTS | 5.5k Words | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07.

Yoongi orders Jimin and you from a hybrid companion service, but when he receives the two of you, he has no idea what to actually do with you.

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Borrowed Time

The series where Harry is mute

Part 1

Masterlist linked in bio


Y/n never went back home. Instead, she spends winter break in the confines of Harry’s apartment—wrapped up in between his bedsheets to keep warm.

The usually cold and brutal winter that always made their skin numb is now warm to them—skin always accompanied by one another’s and feeling more than ever before. And with the mix of never ending company and the feel of the music that always seems to be playing in his apartment, they couldn’t have asked for a better way to start off their relationship.

They never do anything extravagant—never do anything that could take time away from one another. It’s in their simplicity do they find a sense of comfort throughout the festive season. They feel happiest in their own little world—away from everything and everyone, just focusing on them being together without any distractions.

With being so consumed by one another, they’ve learned more about each other than ever before—spending most days watching their favorite movies and baking new recipes they found in Harry’s favorite Christmas cookbook and spending the nights cuddled up against one another as Y/n somehow finds new things to talk about.

Each day, they fall in love with each other all over again. It’s as if their hearts unravel and trap each other in—giving them no means of escape, but neither of them want to.

Whenever she spends the night at his apartment, Harry has to spend nearly an hour each morning just to fight her from getting out of bed. It’s become a routine, Harry having to pull her from the edge of the bed so that he can cradle her back in his arms while she giggles and mumbles some excuses he doesn’t have the energy to listen to.

He just really, really, really loves the feel of her first thing in the morning, especially when the brutal feel of the blistering winds finds its way to his apartment. She’s much warmer than usual and her eyes are brighter and always glistened against the sun. Her lips, too—they are always so much fuller somehow that even in his mild awareness, he finds himself kissing them before he finally lets her slip away from the comfort of the sheets.

But this morning—this morning is different.

After a Christmas night filled with passion and inexperienced intimacy, Harry really doesn’t want to let her go. He’d much rather feel her uncovered body up against his all morning—soaking each other up and holding one another until the sun sets into the night.

It just sounds so right, to keep each other near and close after giving each other their last bit of innocence. Everything they had to offer one another was taken and used to make them whole, so that’s how they should be—together and whole for as long as they possibly can.

But when Harry feels Y/n begin to stir her way out of his arms, he knows she has very different plans.

And he’s just not having it.

He whimpers in his slumbered state, pulling her back against his chest with eyes half-lidded and breathing still steady. He’s holding onto her like never before, refusing to feel her side of the bed empty. He needs her, her, her, anywhere and everywhere as long as it’s with him. And despite having every bit of her last night, he hasn’t gotten enough and he needs her more.

She giggles softly against his neck, gingerly kissing the exposed skin as her fingers run along his jaw. She can already feel him falling back asleep from her touch, a content sigh leaving his lips at their closeness.

“Love, I gotta get up. Y’know me, can’t stay in bed once I’m awake.”

He groans as he shakes his head, somehow filling up the smallest of empty spaces between them and tucking his head into her shoulder. His nose is right up against her skin and he can smell her usual scent—vanilla and lavender from her usual body wash but much more filthy than usual.

She giggles again when she feels his bottom lip poke at her shoulder, her fingers reaching to his hair as she combs through it.

“Oh, none of that, H.” She tisks, thumbing the very exaggerated pout on his lips. “I’ll be right downstairs, won’t be going anywhere far.”

He rolls his body off of her, his back hitting against the mattress with a whine. His eyes remain closed but there’s a very noticeable furrow between his brows, and Y/n begins to wonder what he’s so worried about.

She frowns down at him, observing the rise of his goosebumps from the morning cold on his bare chest. It looks empty and lifeless without her head upon it, and though his body is no stranger to her, there’s something about it that seems much more inviting and she yearns to keep it closer than ever.

And she gets it—she gets his exaggerated whining and the worry in his eyes. After everything that happened to them the night before, he can’t leave her—he can't—and that’s exactly what she’s doing to him, even if it’s only a floor away.

Almost as if to reassure him, she goes with the feel of her heart and decides to spend the next couple hours of the freezing morning right beside him.


Harry loves watching Y/n in her most natural hours.

Her chest and elbows are leaning against the surface of the kitchen counter, one hand holding a mug of coffee while the other flips the pages of her favorite poetry book. Her upper body is clad with Harry’s favorite sweatshirt—ending right at the end of her underwear—leaving her legs exposed and on full display for all of Harry to see.

Despite her hair fully knotted and having an overall disheveled look to her, Harry decides that she looks best this way—in a way nobody other than him has gotten the chance to see—as if she was made for his eyes only.

And he has never seen such a beautiful sight in his life as she looks at him with the softest and most delicate of eyes, a small smile resting on her lips at his presence. Every bit of her looks inviting—like a place of comfort Harry could forever shield himself in.

She’s become so much more than his girlfriend—so much more than someone to call his own—she’s become his muse and his home, his haven and everything in between.

“You always look at me with longing even when I’m right here with you.”

He blinks at her, watching as her cheeks flush with pink under the watch of his amused eyes, loving how easily tranced he becomes in her.

She’s never been confident in herself. Ever since she was a little girl, she used her friendliness to somehow distract people from what she truly felt on the inside. She never truly touched base with her insecurities and never wanted to, so she always found ways to push the most damaging thoughts in the back of her head.

But Harry changed everything. He made her feel beautiful and loved in every way possible, she almost doesn’t understand how he could have so much of that love in him—especially for her. From the way he holds her all throughout the night to the small kisses and gestures whenever he has the chance, she feels it everywhere and she almost feels it in herself.

His sheepish smile confirms her statement, knowing fully that there will never be a moment he doesn’t want her, no matter where she is.

He walks slowly over to her, the smile never fading from his lips and the blush creeping back to Y/n’s cheeks as she turns her body to stretch her arms out at him. It’s the smallest moments like this that make them grateful for the kind of love they share—together.

He presses his lips to hers tenderly when he feels her fingers run across his stomach, his own fingers pushing the material of his sweatshirt up towards her breasts so that he can brush against the swell of them.

“Beautiful.” He whispers, quickly returning back to her lips as they softly release a whimper from the detachment.

She tastes so good—a mix of bitter and sweet from her coffee, leaving his mouth wanting more and more with each passing second. And what was supposed to be innocent turned to lust before they knew it—their movements much more haste and impatient.

In the midst of their desperation, Harry pushes her hips further against the edge of the counter, fingers digging into her skin as his mouth parts open with hers. They both moan into one another, completely consumed by the feeling of their relentless hands and feverish kisses.

Her hands are against his stomach, rubbing along his torso when he hitches her legs around his waist, leaving Harry in control of whatever it is that’s unfolding. Her squeal turns into a moan when his hips collide with hers, the friction making her head spin and body yearn for more.

He feels her hands creep toward the waistband of his sweatpants while his hands bundle up the sweatshirt over her breasts so that they’re fully exposed to him—revealing the most delicate parts of her.

And right as his lips attach to the valley of them, the ringing of the telephone breaks them from their moment.

“H—Harry, the phone.” Y/n gasps.

But he shows no sign of stopping when his teeth sink into an already bruised hickie from the night before, leaving her with shaking fingers between his hair and withering from the soreness. And he really can’t stop, because she feels like no other and she’s so addicting in every way possible. He wants her all to himself.

The answering machine almost dissolves into pure background noise for the both of them, too caught up in the moment.

“Hi, Harry, it’s your mum.”

Only five words and Harry feels the air being knocked right out of his lungs—seizing all his movements and thoughts as Y/n is left completely confused and panting upon the kitchen counter.

"I know it’s been a while and a lot has ended quite messy, but your father does miss you and well—we all miss you, Harry. We would really love for you to come over for dinner tonight as a late Christmas celebration. You don’t have to, but we’ll have an extra seat for you. And—uh—I love you so much. I wish you the best. Please call me soon.”

It’s as if the world around him is spinning faster than ever before—his brain overwhelmed with scrambled thoughts and ears ringing from the anxiety.

There would have been nothing to prepare him for this moment. He never thought he’d ever see his father again—much less be invited back over to his house after everything that’s happened. It’s been so long, he genuinely thought it was over—he thought all of the pain and fear was over, but his biggest nightmare is coming to life and he feels sick to his stomach.

His father is why he’s like this—mute and anxious in social situations. If his dad hadn’t repeatedly torn him down for never being good enough—hadn’t made him believe nobody would ever talk to a little shy boy—he would have probably gained the confidence to speak the more he matured.

But because his father shunned him for being shy and never making any friends, Harry was terrified of what people would think of him if he ever did make friends. Because if his own father didn’t love him, how could anybody else?

Y/n notices the tears in his eyes and his shallow breathing, which she’s quick to mend when her hands reach up to his cheeks. They’re hot and flushed, but all for the wrong reasons.

She frowns, lips peppering small kisses along his face in an attempt to bring him back to her. She doesn’t know much—or really anything—about Harry’s family life; all she knows is that she has never seen a picture of them in his house or any validation that he ever truly had one.

But as she catches the glimpse of fear in his eyes and the small quivering of his lips, he knows very well that there must have been something that went wrong. And even if she doesn’t know what it is that he went through, she knows that if he decides to do this or not, she’ll be right there with him.

“You’re scared.” She whispers, thumbs rubbing against his cheeks softly. “What is it you’re afraid of, baby? Talk to me, please.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, his lips pursing together as loose tears fall from his eyes.

He’s never talked about his family problems and because all of this has happened so quickly, his words get trapped in his throat. To genuinely talk about his family and come to terms with his emotions seems all too much for him, especially when it’s hard for him to speak in the first place.

Y/n clicks her tongue while shaking her head softly, wrapping her around his neck as he nests his cheek into her shoulder. His muscles instantly relax in her arms and has a sense of clarity in her comfort, but there’s still an undeniable thumping in his chest that just can’t seem to go away.

“You don’t have to talk about this, love, but maybe this will be good for you. You know, to test the waters with your family. Maybe this could help you in the long run.”

And he wants to believe her—he really, really fucking wants to believe her—but he knows he can’t. Anywhere in his father’s path is detrimental to Harry’s social anxiety and he knows it’ll only make this worse for him in the long run.

“Y/n.” Harry groans, detaching her arms from his neck so that he can stand properly. His teeth are grit and eyes are distant—looking anywhere but her own and he swallows thickly around his words. “There’s a reason I don’t talk to anybody.”

His words are cracked and desperate—like a plea for Y/n to understand that this is different, that there will never be a day he’ll be able to face his problems. There have been too many times he’s found his way back and he always walks away with a damaged heart.

Y/n watches the way his fingers fiddle around one another and how he can’t stand still, it’s like watching the battle in Harry’s head and watching him fall apart from it.

And no matter how much she loves him now—the way he is now, even without much speaking—she doesn’t want to watch him suffer for the rest of his life. He’s the most undeserving man, he deserves the world and she knows he does.

His heart is nothing but pure and damaged—in need of mending and love. It’s the best part of him, really. It’s what brought them together and she feels the need to protect it at all costs.

He doesn’t feel it, though. He doesn’t feel what his heart has to offer and doesn’t see how it makes him so strong. He only sees himself as a ruin—a lost cause with nothing left to fight for, and he doesn’t deserve it. After what he’s been through, she needs him to understand that he is so much more than he thinks he is.

Because he is—he really is—no matter what he believes.

She holds his head in her hands to distract him from his consuming thoughts. His eyes shift in her gaze as he lets out a small breath.

“I just think it’ll be best to try again. I know—I see how hard it is for you to live the way that you do and I want to be here for you through everything. Things could be different this time—things could actually end well and you might be able to push through this. Because I know you, Harry, more than anybody else right now and I know you can push through this.”

She presses her forehead against his with a sigh leaving her lips, her thumbs running along his knuckles.

“And if there is any point you feel uncomfortable or upset, we can walk right out and leave. Just know that I will be there for you no matter what, okay? Just asking for you to try.”

It’s because she sounds so sure of herself that Harry actually agrees to go to the dinner. He knows that if it were a matter of him going alone, he would never even consider it. But knowing she is going to be right by his side—holding his hand through it all—maybe he doesn’t have to be so scared.

Maybe, it’ll actually be different this time.


It’s not different.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, it’s really not any different than he expected it to be.

Upon their arrival, Harry’s mum and sister nearly fainted from seeing him at the front door. They thought their invitation would go dismissed, like the way Harry’s ignored them for the past three years. But looking at him for the first time in what felt like forever, they were nothing short of thrilled.

And to make it even better, he brought a girl. Harry was holding her hand tightly, keeping her tucked right into his side so that he could feel her with every step he took.

Anne and Gemma swore they had never seen something so heartwarming in their life—to the point where tears sprung from their eyes and arms flinging around their bodies. Y/n didn’t even have to introduce herself properly for them to love and approve of her, anybody who gets Harry to open up—in any way possible—is enough for them.

He was calm when it was just the four of them, Harry watching Y/n hit it off with his family so effortlessly. He noticed the fondness in all their eyes and this was how he wanted it to be forever.

But once they sat down for dinner, Harry knew something was about to happen.

His father didn’t acknowledge neither him nor Y/n in the slightest. Instead, he acted as if they weren’t there and only carried conversations with the rest of his family. And Harry wasn’t sure if he preferred it that way or not—wasn’t sure if he’d rather have his father at least notice him and hate him or have his father neglect him.

Y/n was trying to make the best out of the situation and he could tell. She found her way to the conversations even if his father didn’t respond to her, and still remained her perky self while doing so. She seemed unfazed through it all, almost like she didn’t feel the overwhelming amount of tension that surrounded the room.

She does it for him, though. She knew that if she showed just how uncomfortable his father was making her—he’d never be able to survive this dinner. She had to play strong enough for his sake.

But now that dinner has passed by and all that’s left are empty plates of food and mindless mingling, Harry feels nothing short of uncomfortable and misplaced under his father’s glare. It’s as if he’s waiting for Harry to speak out in the conversation, or do much of anything to make his presence known.

Y/n can see the soft shaking of Harry’s head and can feel the sweat on his palms with each passing second—just waiting for the end of the night so that they can go home and be alone at last.

“You know, Y/n, I never thought Harry would have a girlfriend.”

It’s the first time tonight his father spoke to Y/n directly, making the conversation she was having with Gemma come to a pause as she looked over at him with confusion. There’s a small pout on her lips as she tilts her head in question, almost unsure as to what he was implying. He has no expression on his face, only a small scoff and disapproving look in his eyes.

“How so? He’s lovely, any girl would be very lucky to have him. I’m just happy it’s me who does.”

Her fingers squeeze his thigh under the tablecloth; as if to tell him that there’s nothing to worry about. If his father wants to try hard enough to get to Harry, he has to try to get through her, first.

His father grumbles, his eyes shifting away from hers. The tenseness is his body seems to lighten, though, when an almost sadistic laugh falls from his lips—finding whatever he’s thinking quite amusing and entertaining.

“Isn’t it disheartening? Doesn’t it get boring, to be with a little boy who can’t even get his mouth to open? You seem to be a very intelligent, mature lady—I can tell by the way you talk. Don’t you think it’s a man’s purpose to be with somebody like you?”

Harry squeezes his eyes shut, trying to silence the sudden voices in his head and focus on the feel of Y/n’s tightening hand.

All the childhood fights, all the times Harry had crawled underneath his bed during the night to get away from it all, and all the times Harry almost had the guts to speak up for himself only to be shut down from his father are all replaying in Harry’s head.

The anxiety creeps to his bones and in his muscles, straining him of all that’s left of his strength and leaving him with nothing but a shaking body and lack of control. Every part of him that felt alive before all of this is slowly dying at the seems—ready to be ripped out on his father’s account.

In any other situation, Y/n would have kept her mouth shut if it meant getting the support and approval of Harry’s family. But this—the way he’s talking about Harry as if he’s not right next to her, disrespecting him for something beyond his control is just not okay with her.

She’d rather stand up for the man she loves and believes in instead of watching him suffer in silence—the way his mum and sister are—with fear.

“Harry may not be a man of many words, but he’s the best thing I’ve got. There is so much more to him than his voice. There is so much more to him than you will ever know because you decided to be a shit father and give up on him without giving him a chance. He holds so much more potential than you could ever see, and that’s what’s wrong here. Harry’s not the problem, him being mute is not the problem, it’s you. Because why is it that everybody else can accept him and love him for who he is besides you?!”

The aftermath of her words silences everything around them. Nobody moves, nobody dares makes a sound besides their harsh breathing, because there could be something that makes either one of them snap and nobody wants to be the one to do so.

Y/n’s hands are in fists upon the table, eyes locked with his in fury and jaw so tight she almost doesn’t even look like herself. She’s turned into an entirely different woman with just the thought of Harry getting into harm’s way.

And although Harry really wants to show her appreciation for her words, he’s too panicked that he’s going to die from not being able to fucking breathe.

The silence is overwhelming, but Y/n is not giving up on him—on Harry. He had to live through this for far too long and she’s not allowing it anymore. He deserves better than this treatment—deserves better than to be looked down upon by somebody who’s supposed to be his provider.

“He’s the best thing you’ve got, yeah?”

His father is playing with his bottom lip, eyes narrowed and eyes in the same unpleasant manner as before. His voice is softer, though, more understanding than before and they both don’t know what to expect out of the conversation.

Y/n nods without hesitation, “He is.”

He watches as Y/n looks more determined and positive as ever, not a doubt or a trace of a lie in her features.

She means it—with her whole heart—she means it and she’ll never let anybody make her go back on her word. And she doesn’t have to say it twice, because Harry knows she’s genuine when she says it.

“You must have a very pathetic life, then.”

Harry’s eyes don’t move from their trance on the table—his body doesn’t make a move under his words. This is just how it always ends, and he just don’t know why he still fucking comes back here every goddamn time.

His throat is tight and his eyes are filled with tears. His skin is full of sweat and he swears his heart is beating much faster than it should. And even though he’s experienced this all before, knowing Y/n is being belittled by his father too makes it worse.

"We’re done here.” Y/n says sternly, grabbing ahold of Harry’s hand.

Y/n could have stood up for Harry much more, but she knew that if she started an even bigger brawl than what was already unfolding, Harry wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

He’s already drained of color and crying silently within his lost mind, and she’s absolutely terrified for his health.

She’s nearly dragging him out the door, Harry occasionally tripping over his own feet as he’s being drowned with the voices and the thumping in his chest. The world around him seems to be drowning and he can’t keep up with it all.

He just can’t.

“You can’t only keep her around because she’s the only one that’ll fight your battles for you, Harry! It’s only a matter of time before she realizes that you have nothing to offer her! You can’t give her anything with the way you are. You’re worthless!”

Before he could spew any more insults in Harry’s way, Y/n shuts the door in his face.


Harry knows his father was right.

In the long run, he doesn’t have much to offer her. He can’t be the boyfriend that she deserves to have.

He can’t be the boyfriend that can remind her of how much she’s loved or cared for. He can’t be the boyfriend to sing her to sleep whenever she can’t, or be the boyfriend to say his vows at their wedding for all to hear. He can’t be the boyfriend that—God forbid something were to happen to her—can ask for somebody to help her, or be the boyfriend to sway her family’s heart.

He can’t be anything to her besides somebody that she can sleep with at night and wake up to in the morning. Because that’s all it will be, and she’ll get so tired of being the one to be the only one talking to the other.

He’s nothing in her life, and that’s exactly why he can’t look at her anymore.

“Can you please just say something to me, Harry? I need to know why you’re upset with me or else we can never work through this.”

But how can they work through this when he can’t talk to her the way she wants him to?

Instead of answering right away, Harry presses on the gas pedal even harder than before. In the mix of all his emotions—anger, frustration, sad, and absolutely terrified—the only proper thought that can retain in Harry’s mind is dropping Y/n back to her apartment so that she doesn’t have to keep torturing herself with him.

The longer he feels her presence next to him, the more he realizes that he can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved—even if he really, really, really does love her with every ounce of his being.

“It was only—“ He swallows thickly, “It was only a matter of time before this was going to happen, Y/n.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion as she turns her head over to Harry, who has his lips pursed in a straight line while his eyes remain on the road.

There’s something different in him, now—something unreadable in his expressions and it’s something she’s never seen before. He seems broken somehow, like a man who’s been damaged one too many times that he’s become numb—emotionless with nothing left to feel.

“Before what was going to happen, Harry?”

She has an idea about what his words meant, but she doesn’t want to believe it. Not coming from him—not coming from the man who’s shown her nothing but how much love he has for her. There’s no way he could be doing this to her. He can’t do this to her.

“We were never going to last, Y/n. This was over long ago, we’re just on borrowed time.”

Borrowed time.

The sound of it leaves an unusually disturbing churn in Y/n’s stomach and a foul taste in her mouth. She feels as though Harry is taking his own hand and digging into Y/n’s chest, just so that he can grab ahold of Y/n’s heart and rip it to shreds himself.

Her hand subconsciously grabs onto the handle of the car door, eyes glistening with tears and lungs not daring to breathe. The air—instead of it being filled with their love—is now thicker and colder than ever.

She’s never been so confused—so lead on and so scared as to what is happening to them. They were supposed to make this last, they were supposed to make each other happy for the rest of their lives. He promised her he would, too—promised her nothing but love and trust in him.

But what is happening to them?

“How long have you thought that?”

She was tentative to ask, but she just has to know. She has to know if she’s done everything she’s done for nothing or if it actually held some sort of purpose at the time.

She’s terrified beyond words to find out the answer.

“Before or after you decided to sleep with me?”

Harry doesn’t want to make it seem like he never wanted this—never wanted her. He doesn’t want to make her think that he went through all that he did with her just to expect them to break up so soon. Because he didn’t, he never did. He would have never let her give him her virginity if he knew all of this was going to happen.

He loves her too much to do that to her, but also loves her enough to set her free.

So he decides to not answer her because not saying anything at all is easier for him than saying something he doesn’t mean. And he knows he will if it means letting her go and letting her move onto bigger and better things.

And it’s in his silence and twitch of his eyes does she find his answer.

“So you didn’t mean what you said last night. That we fit perfectly—that it’s like we’re meant to be? Or were they just words to you?”

A sob rips from inside of her when he still gives her nothing. She has never felt so hurt before—has never felt so betrayed. And suddenly, her skin feels dirty—sickened by what he’s done to her and how she could have been so stupid as to let it happen.

She feels it now, too. She feels the way his hands touched her that night, the way his lips kissed her that night, the way his hips rutted against hers and she feels so fucking filthy—used and used and used just for his own personal gain.

“Stop the car.”

It’s a weak demand, but Harry is pained to hear it. He has to hold himself back from comforting her and saying how terribly sorry he is for lying to her the way he is. But it’s just easier this way.

“I said stop the fucking car, Harry!”

Her yelling makes him flinch, and without hesitation makes him pull over to the side of the road. And the second he does so, he knows he shouldn’t have because he’d never be able to live with himself if he let Y/n walk in the cold alone, especially at night.

And right as he’s about to turn back, the sound of her hysteria makes his stop everything he’s doing. Her sobs are relentless in her hands and the thickest of tears fall from Harry’s eyes when he looks at the damage he’s done.

She looks helpless and utterly destroyed—he would have never thought of doing this to her if he’d known this is what would come out of it.

His heart is breaking at the sight of her like this.

As if on instinct, Harry reaches his hand over to her shoulder in an attempt to keep her calm. And even when they’re so close, they have never felt more emotionally distant than they do right now.

“No! Don’t touch me! Don’t you ever touch me again!”

She isn’t sure if she means it or not, but the devastating look Harry gives her at her words proves that he knows she did.

The second his touch leaves hers, he feels them falling apart.

It really is over now.

She’s never felt more pathetic and humiliated in her life. Everything she thought was so real ended up being one of the biggest lies she’s ever lived. He had her fooled for months now and she had not a single clue—but she guesses that’s what happens when she falls in love too quickly.

She feels easy.

She swallows her cries as she opens the car door, not knowing where the hell she is or where the hell she’s going, but knowing that no matter where she ends up, it’ll be much better than being with him. 

“I hate you. I never want to see you again, not after this. Not after all that you’ve done to me.”

Harry’s eyes widen at her words, mouth falling open and a gasp falling from his lips. The reality of her words hits him with so much force that he genuinely feels every last bit of him fall apart.

And it’s when she walks away from him—from his life—that he breaks.

He chokes out a sob as his fingers grip the steering wheel, eyes as wide as ever and mouth not daring to shut.

Everything hurts. Every bone in his body feels like it’s breaking and every muscle feels like they’re tearing apart. It hurts so fucking much and Harry can’t stop crying, throwing his head back against the car seat as his hand hits the steering wheel in the midst of his hysteria.

She hates him.

But it’s better this way.

whiterose-blackrose  asked:

Austisic!Peter and MJ. MJ knows Peter's autistic because of all the subtle things he does. Like, she's super observant and stuff so she knows when he's getting overstimulated or when he needs something to stim with. She doesn't mention it, but she has a shit ton of stim toys and super soft pieces of fabric in her bag (under all the books to kinda hide them). I love the idea that she knows he's Spiderman and she always gives Spider-Man something to stim with if she sees him.

the first time mj notices it is during their sophomore year of high school, when she’s watching him during band practice. she watches everyone, sometimes to draw them, sometimes so she can mimic them, sometimes just bc she feels like it. but she likes watching peter the most. he makes her head calm down a bit, like how it does when she listens to music or when she opens a brand new hardcover book.

he’s sitting there holding his triangle (what a nerd, who plays the triangle) looking focused on when exactly he should ring it. he’s tense all the time lately, and he’s always pulling ned aside to talk about “big bird” whoever that is. but then suddenly flash comes up behind him and plays the trumpet directly into peter’s ear. anyone would jump at that, and peter definitely jumps. but what catches mj’s eye is what happens when everyone is laughing, when peter sits down and people kind of stop focusing on him. he drops his triangle down and shakes out his wrist, he quickly hits his hand to the side of his head and closes his eyes really tightly.

it’s a familiar thing to look at. mj doesn’t hit herself, but she gets that urge sometimes when she’s trying to keep her meltdown at bay. when she can feel the sensory overload and the overstimulation trying to take her over and she wants to push it back down, and sometimes she’ll feel herself wanting to physically hit it.

she goes back to reading, but she only really begins paying attention to the plot of the book once peter appeared to calm down. then she felt calm again too. before they go she slips one of her stim toys into peter’s bag when he’s up putting away the triangle, and she doesn’t say anything when she sees him quietly playing with it the next day.

the second time she notices is late into their sophomore year towards the beginning of summer vacation. peter is sitting on the subway after class, probably on his way home. he’s seemed happier lately, it radiates off of him. apparently he got his stark internship back, and he’s even regularly coming to decathlon practice again. mj tells herself that she only cares about his decathlon attendance, she is the captain after all.

mj is sat behind him on the subway and she hears him muttering to himself. again, this is normal for anybody to do. but he’s writing in his notebook, and he’s making funny sounds. she peers over his shoulder and sees a bunch of formulas and spider doodles and science jargon and then leans back into her seat.

peter loves science. LOVES science. everybody knows that. they all go to a science school, but peter’s the only one she really knows who actually gets dreamy eyes when he talks about astrophysics and chemistry, and he can talk about it for hours. literally, hours. and right now it’s clear that his love for science is standing strong, he’s in his own little world right now. mj can hear him making happy squeaks and it feels familiar.

when she finds herself delighted she usually makes noises, happy trills and squeaks. neurotypical people give her funny looks when that happens, it’s annoying and rains on her parade. it isn’t as if she can even help it, and she doesn’t understand why it’s so weird. she tries to keep those noises in, but they still come out when she reads a particularly good passage in a book. and that seems to be what’s happening to peter. his shoulders tense everytime a happy warbled squeak comes out, and he begins scribbling more furiously into his notepad

he looks over his shoulder to see if anyone’s heard him and then startles when he sees mj sitting there. she raises her eyebrow at him and he blushes and turns around, and she can see him begin to bounce slightly in his seat.

mj goes back to reading but in the back of her head she feels things popping up. spider doodles in peter’s notebook. talking about a big bird with ned. dropping out of all his extracurricular besides decathlon. the whole incident in washington DC. she doesn’t know why she’s thinking about it, or why she knows that it’s all related. or even how she knows it’s related. she just chooses to read instead. if she slips another stim toy into peter’s bag, well, that’s out of her control.

the third time mj notices is during the summer. and it isn’t really with peter, at least not the peter he wants her to know about.

she’s at a small shop at around eleven at night, dressed in pajamas with her bag slung over her shoulder and a pack of hot cheetos in her hand. and then suddenly the shop is being robbed, and a gun is being pointed at her face. and her mind disconnects. her head is equal parts chaos and calm, thoughts are rushing around her brain but they’re going so quickly that it almost feels as if there are none. of course this is how she’s gonna die. of course she’s gonna fucking die in a corner shop at 11:07 pm in her flannel pajamas all because she wanted a bag of hot cheetos. of course that’s –

“you and i have to stop meeting like this,” peter chimes in, swinging into the shop and kicking the robber in the face. the gun falls onto the floor. “oh, my bad, you aren’t the criminal i thought you were. you guys really need to stop wearing masks, i can’t tell you apart.”

but oh wait. that isn’t peter. that’s spider-man. but that’s definitely peter’s voice. huh.

mj breaks herself out of her head and runs towards the gun on the ground just as the robber reaches for it, and she stomps onto his hand before he can grab it. the guy screams and mj just shoves her boot harder onto his hand.

“we make a great team!” spider-man cheers, shooting some webbing onto the guy’s legs

a few quips and thwips later and the robber is being seated into the back of a cop car. mj is sitting on the curb of the sidewalk munching away on some hot cheetos. and spider-man is walking up to her.

“you okay?” he asked, voice strained tightly.

“mhm,” mj hums. she’s pretty sure that she’s okay. time will tell. “are you?”

spidey startles. “of course i am, it’s my job, i love this stuff!”

“just because it’s your job, and just because you like it, doesn’t mean you’re okay.”

spidey kind of shrugs at that and sits down next to her on the curb. “i’m okay, just a bit shook up. he had a gun pointed at your head.”

“yeah,” mj sighs. “want a cheeto?”

they sit in a comfortable silence while they share the bag of cheetos, neither really wanting to talk but neither really wanting to leave each other. mj notices that spidey keeps shaking out his wrist, keeps bringing his hand up to his face to tap harshly at the lenses of his mask. she reaches into her bag.

“here,” she says, shoving a stim toy into his hand. “this one can be chewed on and pulled apart, it’s really neat. don’t worry, i haven’t chewed on it at all so you’re good to go.”

spidey gawks at her, mouth falling open. his lips are really red from the snacks. “um…. thanks. do you give these to everyone?”

mj pops another cheeto into her mouth and chews quickly. “nah, just you.”

spidey leans against her side and begins to aggressively pull on the toy. “thanks, mj.”

she decides not to point out that she never gave him her name.

Hey so I’m thinking about Kara and M’gann again and I wrote some stuff because goddamn it I am gonna build this city from the ground up if it’s the last thing I do.


strange girls in a strange land

It’s never a secret. For the first time in Kara’s thirteen years on Earth, there’s no great revelation. There isn’t anything to reveal.

This weight that she’s carried with her into every relationship outside the Danvers that she’s ever tried to build since she landed—it suddenly becomes inconsequential, when they’re together. The fact that Kara is Kryptonian, that she is Supergirl. The distinction between Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El and National City’s resident hero. The deception; the disguise.

There’s no pretense between them, no pretending, no parts to play. They meet in the ring as Supergirl and Miss Martian, and then a few days later Kara Danvers shows up at the alien bar—and M’gann knows. It’s not something she needs to deduce or figure out after they’ve known each other a while. She just looks at Kara and she knows—it’s just a simple unconscious observation, as clear to see as the gold of Kara’s hair or the blue of her eyes.

M’gann slides Kara an Aldebaran rum and Kara doesn’t even realize that she’s still wearing her glasses.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi! This is probably going to sound a bit weird, but I always really love how you explain music like there's a science to it - with all these musical terms and cadences etc and how they're built up like other songs/reminiscent of other songs, and I can't help but wonder if you think that the boys are aware of those things when they make music nowadays? Like - is that musical theory something you think they've learned and put into practice on purpose? Or do they have people/engineers who do that?

Hi!

I can only guess, but here’s a few considerations.

First, from listening to podcasts, I have the sense that some songwriters know music theory much better than others. Even people who have a degree in songwriting do not always know theory, or how to play an instrument, or how to read music.

For instance, sometimes guitar players read tabs or fake books (not the copyrighted or standard versions of songs) instead of music written out on a staff. You can find tabs on all the top pop songs for free on the internet (just search “guitar tabs”). You don’t have to understand anything about theory to write a song copying these chord progressions, because most of them are fairly standard.

So if you look up “Beatles Blackbird,” and just copy the chords out, change the melody a bit– voila! You have a new song with old harmonies.

Sometimes songwriters are inspired by certain instrumental “stems”– these are instrumental parts that are available to be purchased or borrowed. You can buy bass lines, percussion, synth bass, etc.

Usually a song has four stems: bass, melody, percussion, and voice. Any one of these can inspire a song. Artists can lend stems to one another if they think someone might be able to use it. So inspiration might come in different forms, depending on what element cane first.

There are songwriters who are immersed in theory (Fleet Foxes, Radiohead) who write idiosyncratic harmonies– sometimes it’s hard even to break it down! Brian Wilson, of The Beach Boys, and Lennon/ McCartney were also writers who wrote very adventurous, strange harmonies. They sound normal to us now, because we’re used to them, but “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” is a strange song, “Penny Lane,” “Across the Universe,” so many others, are very weird songs. They don’t follow the “normal” harmonic progressions of songs we hear from the 1950’s or 1960’s. They went out on a limb.

You can see why Harry loves Lennon/ McCartney. He’s a kid who likes eclectic music. He likes jazzy 7th chords, major-minor key alterations, syncopated rhythms (2’s against 3’s), subtle key modulations. These are all things that were happening in the ‘60’s and '70’s, because jazz-blues-rock-folk musicians all worked across genres then, and people experimented so much.

That’s why I think Harry knows music theory, to some extent. Maybe he doesn’t know the exact terminology for certain things like cadences etc., but he knows which songs he likes, and why. He knows harmonic progressions and chord progressions. He’s learned to play guitar so he can play these sounds out and listen to them. He’s a real musician, and it’s really cool.

A while ago, Louis tweeted that he liked Julia Michaels’ “Issues,” and Harry put this song on his BBCR1 playlist.

There’s a lot of similarities between “Issues” and BTY. The way that the verse has one meaning, and the chorus reverses the meaning (“I got issues, and one of them is how bad I need you”). The other is the syncopation of the words against synthesized sounds– they fill in every space, but don’t overlap much, so everything sounds lean and spare.

I think Louis pays attention to rhythm, a lot more than Harry does. “No Control” has masterful control of rhythm– the beginning of the song is so so so good. “Strong” and “Just Hold On” are both songs with such great use of syncopation.

So I think they are both learning a lot about the theories of songwriting, and both are paying attention to the best songwriters around.

Here’s another thing I love about their songwriting. They don’t copy what other people are doing. I mean, to some extent they follow the same formats, but they have their own signature. They don’t try to copy whatever is the top song of the moment. I love that they trust their own ears, and write their own words!! They’re real musicians!

anonymous asked:

How do you not like the Genji and Mercy dynamic and like the Genji and Zenyatta dynamic? This is not hate in anyway. I'm honestly curious because that's why I can't be comfortable about Genyatta personally.

Been awhile since I’ve elaborated on this. No problem, I don’t mind explaining my reasonings to people.

When it comes to Gency I wouldn’t be that bothered by it if it wasn’t so… generic? Let me explain. It’s got a lot of cliche, typical, straight ship stuff going for it. Hot blonde girl and the hot guy get together. It’s an overdone thing that’s honestly bland. I’ve seen a lot of art involving them where they’re both really out of character, a couple where Genji willingly harassed Mercy for affection. It’s sad that’s how fans decide to interpret their ship dynamic. 

Then there’s the backstory involving them. There is proof that they’re good friends now, but how they started off kinda veers me even further away. I just don’t enjoy that when Mercy saved Genji’s life it was mostly cause it was her job. Overwatch wouldn’t have even saved Genji if he had not agreed to work for them, so, that’s another thing that really makes me frown. I’m sure Genji is appreciative of Mercy being able to get him into a stable condition, but in the end he did fall into a really bad state of mind and felt disgusted with himself. 

All in all, that’s how I personally feel about Gency. I started off not liking it to begin with, but then fans started talking and drama happened. I’m just not happy with it all.

When it comes to Genyatta, however, there’s real potential there. They aren’t like a typical couple. They’re different. They have a different relationship, a close one, probably closer than a lot of the characters in Overwatch. Zenyatta found Genji when he was at the lowest point of his life. He’d left Overwatch, destroyed what was left of his family business, he felt like a monster. But, it was Zenyatta who offered himself to him. His help, guidance, and teachings. He saw inside Genji, all of his doubts and pain, and wanted to do something about it. He was patient with him, and eventually Genji began to trust and accept his teachings. Genji grew new confidence with himself, and was able to find his inner peace. 

I know a lot of people say they don’t like Genyatta because they are “teacher and student” but in reality they’re both so much more than that. They’re close friends. They talk to each other in game, sometimes personal stuff. They’re open with one another, and understanding. They even have cute banter with one another, like “Even the teacher can learn from his student.” “I still have much to learn.”

That’s what I enjoy most about them. The genuine respect and love they have for each other. It’s stated in their bio’s, and you hear it in game too. 

I also appreciate more gay relationships and human and omnic/robot relationships as well. I feel that sort of representation would be good for the game. But, then again that could be the shipper in my talking. Genyatta just makes me happy, and they make each other happy. I guess that’s why I like them so much. Why I have this blog dedicated to them. I hope this helps you understand my reasonings more.

The beginnings of love for the signs
  • If you have a girl in mind check Venus+moon
  • If you have a boy in mind check Mars+moon
  • Check sun if you wish ;)
  • Aries: lots of hand gestures and eye contact and facial expressions whenever you two have a conversation (you'll love it and soak it all up), lots of food dates (they want to make sure you're comfortable around them), picking you up and twirling you around and quick cheek kisses, "you always calm me down"
  • Taurus: they'll show you the secret places they go to chill (this can be anything from a flower garden to Starbucks to an underground club just be ready honestly), they'll let you push them around like no one else dares to, they'll tell you that you're different and special (because in their eyes you're truly one of a kind), "oh, you have to go? Are you sure your don't want to stay around just a little longer?"
  • Gemini: expect lots of chats over the phone (they've realized that they can't hear your laugh or your stutters through text), "looks" from across the room when something stupid happens, just chilling at your place sounds like a good time to them, "hey, you're just like me"
  • Cancer: nose scrunching and suppressed smirks when you say something dirty (you could tell they were thinking the same thing), lots of high fives quick touches, asking lots of questions about you (they'll wriggle out of answering yours, but they're just trying to make sure you're one of their kind) "thanks for being patient with me"
  • Leo: whispers in your ear (they don't have to, but you can feel their grin on your cheek), bodies pressed together type hugs, admitting to stalking your social media (you'll call them a creep but you'll be blushing), "you know, I'd do anything for you..."
  • Virgo: they could listen to you speak all day (they love learning more about you), little things that go almost unnoticed (like putting an umbrella in your car or buying you new headphones when you complain about your others), you'll get to see their silly side (and you'll love it), "don't worry I'll take care of it"
  • Libra: they'll talk about how well you two look together (they'll want lots of pics of you two or just you), introduces you to friends and family, your head rested on their arm or their head in the nook of your neck (you're their safe place now), "I like you, you're genuine. it's really... refreshing, you know?"
  • Scorpio: mixing paints until they find the exact shade of your eyes (even if they're brown, they're a special kind of brown to them), opening their mouth to say something then closing it immediately because they don't want to scare you away, touches that linger a little bit too long to be just friendly, "finally, SOMEONE understands!"
  • Sagittarius: lots and lots of jokes made to get under your skin (throw it back at 'em twice as hard), making lots of plans because they really wanna hang out with you, all Sagittarius's are philosophers just wait and they'll show you, "hey I saw this thing and it sorta reminded me of you so here you go"
  • Capricorn: showing you what they geek about (believe me, it's there), gloating about how much better you two are than everyone else, arms over shoulders and hands around your waist randomly (just to shock you ) "I've always needed someone like you in my life"
  • Aquarius: pinching your cheek (just so that they can touch your face), saying things that the two of you are gonna do in the future, bringing you around their friends (and their face lighting up when you charm their asses off) "I can talk with you for hours and about anything... weird right?"
  • Pisces: daydreaming about running into you (even if it's just between classes), them showing you their secret hobbies, they stare into your eyes just a little bit too long (what even is too long?) "I can't believe you're real"

A body language analysis of Keith and Allura’s scenes in season 2

I sat on the fence a bit about posting this, but I’ve now been asked by multiple people to do a body language analysis of the Keith & Allura interactions in S2, so here it is. If you watched the scenes between them and thought “why does this look so flat and awkward, why is there no chemistry” - consider this an explainer. A lot of the awkwardness has to do with body language and facial expressions, which I’ll break down below. I’m going to talk about two things here: firstly, Keith and Allura’s little side-quest in 2x06 ‘The Ark of Taujeer’; and secondly, the hug between them in 2x12.

PLEASE NOTE: this post is pretty transparently anti-ka//ura. It’s basically a run-down of reasons why I think there’s no chemistry between Keith and Allura and why I don’t think their scenes together are romantic. If you ship ka//ura and for some reason decide that hate-reading this post is a good use of your time, please don’t @ me in the replies or clog up my inbox with “well, actually…” because I’m not interested. You’re not going to convince me I’m wrong about this so don’t waste either of our time.

Let me preview this analysis by pointing out that Voltron is an animated series. This means that every scene is carefully storyboarded and then hand-drawn one frame at a time. Character expressions, body language, behaviours, and positioning are all carefully planned out. This means any awkwardness in the scenes is a result of the story telling process; it can’t be blamed on 'bad acting’ or the actors 'not having chemistry’. The scenes exist as they do because they were designed to look that way. Non-verbal cues such stance, posture, and facial expressions are all used to convey character emotions and feelings, so you can tell a lot about what’s going on with characters by looking at their body language. That said, let’s get on with the analysis.

Behind a cut because this is pic-heavy and long.

Keep reading

On Keith and leaving Allura behind

One thing I’ve always wanted to clear up is the ‘Keith is cold-hearted’ thing. I can see how the scene of him being ready to leave Allura behind might come across as such, to quote Hunk: “Keith, that’s cold-hearted even for you.” 

But that is not how things actually are. Let me explain why he acted the way he did back then, because Keith has had just as many emotions about it as everyone else. 

Keith is rational, observant and tends to state stuff exactly as it is, with all facts lied out to make sure that everyone gets the whole picture. (see: how he explained his board in s1e1, how he argues with Lance at the beginning of s1e3 etc.) He has been known to accept critique pretty well - he actively tries to work on his temper (“patience yields focus”) and accepted that Lance’s plan was better than his in s1e7. In turn, however, he expects people to treat him the same way. If there isn’t any evidence to contradict it, he takes things people tell him at face value and accepts them as facts. It is one of the reasons him and Lance clash often, Keith can be found constantly correcting Lance’s statements and Lance doesn’t appreciate that. 

This is coupled with his rational personality. I have no doubt that part of that comes from having been forced to grow up without a family and people to comfort him when he was feeling lost, he has had to deal with reality screwing him over quite a lot of times already. He is extremely cautious and protective of his friends when a possible threat appears (see: how he placed himself in front of the team when Klaizap appeared in s1e2), probably exactly because he knows that when they are gone, they are gone. That happened to his dad, that happened to Shiro. 

And now he thinks the same thing has happened to Allura.

It is not that he doesn’t want to help her - because he does. He really does, he even said so himself. (And he wasn’t lying. We all know that Keith is an absolutely horrible liar.) In his mind, there were four facts battling with one another: 1) I want to save my friend; 2) “the ship that is headed to Zarkon’s central command?” “the place that’s way too dangerous for us to attack?” (a direct quote from an exchange between Hunk and Keith from s1e10. Keith had accepted that information a fact); 3) we are fighting against an enemy we know next to nothing about; and 4) I am responsible for the entire universe and I can only protect it with Voltron, for which Allura technically isn’t essential. 

So he stands there and goes through all the facts. And he comes to the - absolutely logical - conclusion that it is too dangerous to go to Zarkon’s headquarters. He could lose even more friends. He could lose the universe’s only hope. So he does what he always does: suppress his emotions for the greater good. He did that there, he did it when he decided to give up the blade in s2e8.

But then the others turn against him. We can’t see his face when they begin to vehemently protest against his statement-

-but I have no doubt that it would be serious and reflective. The backlash would have made him reconsider the conclusion he had come to. Because that’s what he does when he faces critique: take a step back and reevaluate. Obviously, fact 2) wasn’t quite right. [Also note how open his body language is, he is more than willing to discuss this.] 

And once the execution of their plan starts, which means an actual chance for getting his friend back, he is right at the front of the group again. 

Keith isn’t cold-hearted. Not at all. Does this look like the face of a cold-hearted person to you?

Because that is the face he made when he came to the conclusion that it would be too dangerous to save Allura. He is not happy about it. He genuinely believed that she was already lost and they were about to condemn the universe for a suicide rescue mission. If there is anything he can do to save his friends, he will do it. Like, seriously - he had never seen Zarkon before that episode. For all he knew, Zarkon could be 5ft tall, wield magic and be immortal. But as soon as he saw a normal-sized Galra in armor, Zarkon suddenly became less of an abstract concept and more of something that he has an actual fighting chance against. Look at how his attitude towards him changed in season 2, at the end of it he volunteered to infiltrate Zarkon’s base on his own!  

(Also. He was the one that asked Allura if she was sure that she wanted to come with them: “I’m sorry, princess, did you say ‘we’?!” in s1e10. He was worried for her. There is no way he didn’t want her back.)

Keith constantly watches out for the greater good. It’s what he told Pidge when she wanted to leave to go look for her family - “everyone in the universe has families!” - and what he did when he gave up finding out about his past in the Trials of Marmora. He pushes his own emotions down because he genuinely believes one person’s life and/or comfort isn’t worth putting the entire universe at risk. And that does not equal being cold-hearted.

tl;dr: Keith has had perfectly valid reasons why he hesitated to go on the rescue mission. He wanted her back just as much as everyone else. He is not a cold-hearted asshole.

anonymous asked:

1/4 Hi, i read your post about Even being hypomanic and i need your opinion about this beucase you actually know about this disorder from your own experience. When I see Evak I can't stop thinking about it. I know that hypomania doesn't make you fall in love with someone but at the same time, if Even had been hypomanic (since like episode 4 imo) I can't stop this feeling that everythig he did (their first kiss or first sex) was driven by his hypomania and not by his feelings for Isak.

Hello anon,

I’m glad you’re asking me about this. I have bipolar (type II) and, although I’m not an authority figure on the topic (everyone’s experience with bipolar is different), I’ll try my best to explain my thoughts and interpretations of Even and his feelings for Isak in and outside of his hypo/manic episode.
I know there are other SKAM fans who have bipolar too and I hope they’ll feel free to chime in if they have anything to add to my answer.

Keep reading

CAN’T FEAR YOUR OWN WORLD PART 5 Full Translation

TN – This is the part that was released on the Bleach/Jump+ app a few weeks ago, it’s very long over 9000 words. Also be warned - Liltotto’s potty mouth, if that kind of thing bothers you…


Hueco Mundo.

6 months since the Protection of the Soul King Great War.

Even in Hueco Mundo, the world of the Hollows headed by the Arrancar, a gradual change is occurring.

After the Arrancar hunt by the Quincy of the Wandenreich came to an end, powerful Arrancar such as Harribel and Grimmjow had disappeared, a new period of civil unrest was about to be ushered in.

However, as Nelliel, whose whereabouts had been unknown thus far, suddenly returned accompanied by Harribel, the ambitions of the Arrancar and Vasto Lorde class Menos Grande were instantly met with disappointment, and they retreated back to their respective colonies as a result.

Several Arrancar launched surprise attacks on Nelliel and Harribel thinking “surely they’re exhausted now”, however most of them were beaten at their own game, and even those who had managed to escape were sent sinking to the ground unlucky enough to bump into Grimmjow who was in a foul mood.

In a corner of Hueco Mundo which was in the gradual process of restoring its peace from such a ‘return of the leader’, a man wearing a mask resembling a bull’s skull released a sigh.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I really want Kara to stand up to Eliza for Alex. It's not Kara's fault that Eliza put so much pressure on Alex and she had her own very considerable problems to work through at the time, but those sisters would go to the wall for each other and I can't imagine Kara not calling her out for it once she'd twigged what was happening. Especially with Maggie's backing.

She loves Eliza.

She always has.

She’s loved her since she took her face into her hands and first called her sweetie.

Loved her since she introduced her in public as her daughter, but made sure Kara knew that she would never, ever, ever pretend to be replacing her mother, because her mother would always be special, always be cherished, always be alive in Kara’s memories, in Kara’s heart.

She loves Eliza, and she thinks, now, that her love for her – her need for her, for an older woman’s arms to wrap around her tiny body when she had a nightmare [and Rao, she had so many of them], to tell her it was going to be alright, that there is no shame in surviving – might have made her miss certain things.

Certain things about how Eliza treats her older daughter.

Certain things about how Eliza holds Alex to superhuman expectations.

Superhuman expectations that have made Alex drink. That have made Alex suppress herself. That have made Alex isolated and self-destructively reckless and, until Maggie, almost completely unable to assert what she needs, what she wants, beyond when she needs Kara to be safe, beyond when she wants to protect Kara.

And of course she wants to protect Kara, because Eliza has made her believe that she, as a person, is worthless without doing so.

Without being perfect.

So Kara keeps her eyes, her ears, extra open the next time Eliza comes for dinner.

She tries to keep a lid on the shame burning inside her that it took her so long to realize, took her so long to realize that Alex’s extreme anxiety, extra drinking, around Eliza was actually a response to emotional abuse wrapped in love, not an overreacting paranoia that was kind of cute but not that serious.

She tries to keep a lid on her own shame, because she’s been talking with Maggie about it – drinking with Maggie about it – and Maggie is nothing if not straight-up with her.

“Should you have realized when you got older, Little Danvers? Sure. But when you were a kid? Kara, your entire planet had just died, you had no one. You had to restrain yourself in ways I can’t even begin to imagine, and it… of course you just wanted someone to care for you like Eliza did. And you know what the point of beating yourself up for not realizing it sooner is? There is none. Absolutely none. Point is, you’re realizing now, and you can validate Alex now, and that’s what you’ve gotta focus on, okay?”

So she tries to keep a lid on her own shame, so she can be at her best when Eliza comes over next.

She brings pie and Kara groans in ecstasy, and she brings tiramasu and Maggie thanks her profusely, but both little sister and girlfriend exchange tense glances behind Eliza’s back when Alex’s face falls, because Eliza hasn’t brought anything for her.

“You’re always going through so many different food phases, Alex – almost obsessively healthy some weeks, carelessly unhealthy other weeks – I can’t keep track of all that, dear.”

Alex grimaces and Kara steps forward. “Next time just ask me, Eliza: I always know what Alex is eating these days, so if you want to surprise her, I can help!”

“You’re so thoughtful, Kara dear,” Eliza praises, and Maggie squeezes Alex’s hand as Alex rolls her eyes and bites her lip.

Kara flushes.

That didn’t work.

She’ll have to try harder.

Eliza gives her the opportunity again when they’re sitting down to dinner, and Eliza wants to know why Alex could have not recognized Rick Malverne until it was too late, how she could have let herself get her sister put into such an impossibly position, and of course she did a wonderful job keeping herself alive until Kara and Maggie could rescue her, but really, Alexandra, how could she have let it come to that in the first place?

Alex guzzles root beer like it’s whiskey and Maggie is about to speak, her hand on Alex’s thigh, but Kara beats her to it.

“Eliza, Alex has been through hell and back, and I love you, Eliza, you know I do, but you don’t get to speak to my sister that way. She did things that you can’t even imagine to keep herself alive, to keep me safe. She would have died for me, protecting me, and she almost did. And if there’s anyone to blame for all this, anyone whose fault this whole Rick Malverne thing is? Other than him? It’s mine.”

“Kara, don’t – “

“No, Alex, it’s true.. It’s true and it doesn’t matter how many times you tell me it’s not my fault: Eliza clearly wants to assign blame, and I understand that. I do, too. And it’s Rick’s fault. But it’s also mine. Mine, because I was the one who didn’t listen to Alex – Alex, who you unfairly put in the position of caring for a devastated child when she was just a child herself – and ran to the scene of that car crash. I exposed myself to Rick, and I was the one he was using Alex to try to manipulate. Alex is a hero, Eliza, and I know you love her, I do, I know, but you need to start talking to her like you do. Or you can leave my home until you’re ready to give Alex the respect she deserves.”

Her voice trembles and she adjusts her glasses with trembling fingers, and Alex is crying and Eliza’s eyes are wide and Maggie is holding Kara’s shaking hand under the table, biting her lip because Kara is nearly breaking her fingers, but she doesn’t mind because god, Alex’s kid sister really is a hero, isn’t she?

“Kara, I’m sorry I – “

“It’s not me you have to apologize to, Eliza,” Kara interrupts, her voice soft and her voice coated with love. For Eliza, but mostly, mostly, for her sister.

Her sister, who she would die for without a second thought.

Her sister, who would die for her without a second thought.

Her sister, who she lives for, every day.

Her sister, who lives for her, every day.

Her sister, who Eliza spent years emotionally abusing in Kara’s name.

And Kara won’t have it anymore.

“Alexan – Alex – I – Kara’s right. Your sister – you’re sister’s right. I’ve never been fair to you, Alex, and I’ve never… I told you last year to take care of yourself, and I told you I’m not disappointed in you for being gay, but Alex, beyond that, I haven’t… I’ve quite failed you, haven’t I?” She voice quakes and she closes her eyes, counting to ten, a habit she’s acquired when interacting with her oldest daughter over the years.

“I love you, Alex. And I know I haven’t been nearly good enough at expressing it. But I’m going to do better. And when I fail – and I will fail again, I’m sure – I want you to tell me. And I want Kara to tell me. And you, Maggie, sweetie. And Alex, I… I am so proud of you. Of the hero you’ve become. The hero you’ve always been.”

“It took Kara telling you to get you to say all that,” Alex whispers, and Eliza nods sadly.

“Yes. And that isn’t right. I know. But let me try, Alex? Let your mother try?”

Alex grips Maggie’s hand, swiping comforting circles onto her thigh, and Alex leans into Kara’s strong arms. 

“I’ll think about it, Mom. I’ll think about it. Okay?”

Eliza nods, a small, hopeful smile on her face. “That’s all I can ask for, I suppose, isn’t it?”

Alex nods as her lips tremble, and she breathes in her little sister’s scent, focuses on her girlfriend’s touch.

She’s going to be alright. Because these women think she’s perfect, including all her imperfections, even if her mother is still learning that.

loveisalwayswar  asked:

What if the RFA+ V & Saeran have a huge date planned for Valentines (like a big dinner or a romantic walk or something like that) and she has a really bad case of the flu or sickness (the kind that you can't even get out of bed kind of flu/sickness) and they have to take care of them instead?

I understand you MC…

And i’ll post V and Saeran tomorrow, if i’m better, because this was a pain to write while i’m so sick, i’m sorry

Thank you for your request! And i hope you like it!

Yoosung

  • Of course, Yoosung is a little sad, he prepared everything…And now you can’t go because you’re sick…
  • But hey, it’s not your fault.
  • But he’s too worried about you.
  • Like, really, he doesn’t know what to do, but at the same time, he wants to do everything.
  • He’ll always ask if you’re ok, and he’ll always be with you!
  • In the beginning, he was like “Oh, but i can get sick too!”
  • But hey, he prefers to be sick, then be away from you! 
  • Especially today!
  • He’ll be with you all day, on the couch or bed, playing some games or just watching some romantic films!
  • He’ll do a nice little dinner for you too!
  • That day was the best, it didn’t follow his plan but that doesn’t matter!
  • He realizes Valentine’s Day is not special about the places you go or the things you do…But is special because you have someone you love by your side!
  • And he has you!
  • This was enough for him, but of course, he wanted to do more things to you…But he has all the time in the world!
  • But maybe not tomorrow…Because now he’s sick too…
  • It was worth it! 

Zen

  • Ok…
  • This is pretty bad
  • He wanted a romantic and unforgettable Valentine’s Day
  • This whole week he was preparing something for you
  • And now you’re sick.
  • He blames his almighty system, he wanted to be sick instead of you.
  • But well…he never is sick, so the virus goes for you instead
  • ILL FIGHT THAT VIRUS MC
  • So much drama…
  • He’ll take care of you, after all , doing everything to protect you and kill this virus!
  • After all…He’s your knight!
  • But he doesn’t know how to take care of you…Well, he never got sick…
  • He asks Jaehee for some advice, but in secret!
  • You must believe that he’s good at taking care of the princess!
  • Zen will be at your side the whole time, he’ll do everything that Jaehee says perfectly.
  • He hates that you’re sick, but he’s quite happy that he can spend all his day with you!
  • And Valentine’s Day can be every day!
  • Oh, and he’s not even worried he’ll be sick if he stays by your side all the time.
  • He has never gotten sick before !!
  • Just wait, when you’re better, he’ll arrange everything for the late Valentine’s Day

Jaehee

  • Jaehee forgets the holiday as soon as she sees that you’re sick.
  • She had her plans? Of course.
  • But now she has another one, take care of you.
  • She’ll bring medicine, food, blankets.
  • Do you want it? She got it.
  • Do you need it? She got it.
  • She is prepared for that, she’ll stay a little away from you.
  • She doesn’t want to be sick, because if she does… Who will take care of you?
  • While you’re sick, she doesn’t have anything to do.
  • If she does, she’ll take care of you first and then do the other thing.
  • After some time, she remembered which day was…
  • Oh, you got sick on Valentine’s day…That is a shame.
  • But she can’t be sad or mad by it…When she sees you sleeping so peacefully after she has taken care of you…
  • She is with a smile on her face.
  • Any time with you is a good time.

Jumin

  • You’re sick?! Forgot about this date.
  • You’re sick, you’ll need to go to a hospital with urgency.
  • He can be a very romantic guy, but he’ll not risk it, he’ll not take care of you before a doctor told him to!
  • Of course, he was thinking about some romantic dinner or something else…
  • He’s a little sad that you can’t spend the first Valentine’s Day of you guys with him…
  • But if you’re not good for it, he’ll not insist.
  • He’ll cancel another meeting when you’re good.
  • If the doctor sends you home, he’ll take care of you.
  • He’ll buy what he needs to buy or even more of what you guys need.
  • He wants to make sure you’ll be alright.
  • He’ll bring some doctor to the penthouse too, he’s always worried.
  • He’ll not care about being sick, since he’ll always cuddle with you and Elizabeth.
  • But Elizabeth will be a little far from you…You know…She can’t be sick too…
  • But when you get better…
  • He’ll reassure you that you’ll have the best day and night of your life…
  • He’s excited.

707

  • He was pretty excited for this Valentine’s Day
  • He was preparing this plan for months now, of course, you would think he was going to be disappointed when he sees you sick like that.
  • But he’s not.
  • He can be very serious, caring and funny while you’re sick.
  • He likes to spend his time with you, and he’ll make you feel good even when you’re sick.
  • He’ll be serious when you’re not feeling well, and he’ll try to find solutions for it.
  • He’ll be caring when he buys something for you, like a medication.
  • He’ll be funny because he wants to put a smile on your face even in tough times.
  • But he’ll get sick too, he just…Can’t stop kissing you
  • You’re so cute when you’re sick ;D
  • Gross.
  • When Saeran or Vanderwood will take care of you two now.
  • And now you can be lovebirds even in this state.

anonymous asked:

hiii! i hope your requests are still open ;-; if they aren't you can totally just delete this! but can i request an AU for Woozi where he's like your school guide because you're a new foreign exchange student or something like that please ^^ If you can't I understand !! 💖💖 thank you i love your writing so much

let me have a go at the bullet aus im sorry if this sucks

  • so you’re a foreign exchange student and you’re walking around the campus where you’ll be spending the next couple of months
  • you got here early because you’re punctual like that and you’re lowkey afraid of being late to classes because you got lost (you may or may not have had recurring nightmares about that) around the campus
  • so since you’re early you decide to stop by this quaint little cafe beside the parking building and got yourself something to keep you up for the rest of the day
  • you struggle with the order but thankfully the cute barista with the hamster cheeks understood your heavily accented korean and even asked you what your major is
  • “music composition” you tell him, smiling a bit as he passes your order on to the second barista he called jun
  • “I have a friend in music composition!” he exclaims, handing you your order. “I’ll tell him to keep an eye out for you! Have a great day, y/n!”
  • So you give him a polite smile as you leave the cafe, struggling to balance your papers in one hand and your cup on the other
  • you walk around some more, trying to memorize which path leads to where and before you know it, it’s almost time for you to meet up with some guy named Jihoon who’s gonna be your school guide for the day
  • you continue walking as you try to pull you itinerary from your binder so you’re not really looking where you’re going
  • and guess fucken what
  • you bump into someone
  • and guess fucken who
  • it’s not jihoon
  • at least you hope not because you just spilled the contents of your cup on his crisp white shirt
  • “holy shit im so sorry!!!!!!!”
  • the guy lets out curses that would make a sailor blush
  • “watch where you’re going next time jesus fu-”
  • he shuts his mouth as a taller guy walks up to the both you, giving you a small smile before turning his cat-like eyes at the guy you spilled your drink on
  • “what happened, jihoon?” he asks and your eyes widen at the name
  • you begin apologizing in english before you realize they probably can’t understand you so you switch to korean but by then you already got confused so you keep mixing korean and english and you’re about to cry because holy shit you just spilled your drink on the guy who was supposed to help you around and he’s looking at you all angry and stuff and it doesn’t help that he’s really cute
  • “hey hey calm down” the taller of the two says and there’s a soft tone to his voice that makes your heart beat a little slower and within seconds you find yourself calming down and then you realize that he spoke in english
  • “can you please tell him im sorry and i was just on my way to meet him because he’s my school guide and im sorry…………” you trail off, pleading eyes fixed on the guy who speaks english as he turns to jihoon
  • they speak for a while and you can make out stuff off the conversation like
  • “oh great i get stuck with the one who can’t even learn the damn language, how do they expect to study at a korean university if they can’t even learn the goddamn language”
  • “be nice, they’re trying! and they’re new you can’t expect them to learn it right away. it took me years before i got really fluent. and it’s the same for you with english so don’t start with me jihoon”
  • “fine. whatever. you got an extra shirt in your car? this is my last clean out”
  • “i’ll tell them you’ll be right back, just go change.”
  • joshua, the guy who speaks english as you picked up from their conversation, hands jihoon his car keys and he gives you a glare before he walks to the direction of the parking lot
  • “he hates me, doesn’t he?” you say, not really asking
  • “he’s just like that. don’t worry about it. bring him coffee next time and he’ll forget this ever happened.” joshua smiles at you before saying he had to go to class and just wait for jihoon to return
  • when jihoon comes back dressed in an oversized sweater and a frown on his (really really cute) face, you decide to apologize as well as you could and he only nods at you in acknowledgement before he starts walking towards the building which you assume are for performing arts majors
  • the rest of the tour goes smoothly despite the rocky start and you even catch jihoon’s lips tugging upwards when you cracked a joke
  • you get to the piano practice room where a grand stood in all it’s glory in the middle and your hands are itching to touch the glistening ivory keys
  • you turn to your school guide to ask whether students are allowed to use it when you see him already looking at you. he must have seen the way you were looking at the piano as if it held all the wonders of the universe
  • “do you play?” he asks
  • “huh?” there’s something in the way he speaks that just makes korean harder to understand and you wonder whether he has an accent or something
  • you see him roll his eyes at your confusion and you glare at him
  • “you know I’m getting really tired of you rolling your eyes everytime I speak like it’s hard, okay, and i’m trying so stop being such a jerk”
  • you don’t know if the look he gives you is because he’s taken aback by your outburst or because he couldn’t understand your probably poorly worded and grammatically wrong speech but you couldn’t care less
  • you walk towards the grand piano, looking at the school guide as a silent permission to use it and he nods so you start playing
  • and when the melody starts filling the room, everything strange suddenly feels familiar and the homesickness melts away because for you
  • music is home
  • you become too engrossed in your playing that you don’t notice jihoon sit down on the stool right beside you and he’s just looking at you
  • and of course he noticed how attractive you are when you bumped into him but he tried not to think about it until now but seeing you looking so comfortable playing an unfamiliar song on the piano that is unofficially his since no other student would dare touch it
  • he couldn’t help but see how beautiful you were
  • he blinks when you stop playing, finally noticing the boy beside you and the flush in his cheeks (that you totally don’t find adorable) brightens and he turns away, clearing his throat
  • “you, uh, you play good. well. really well.” he says awkwardly
  • “thanks…….?”
  • “yeah. so. like. what song were you playing….?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck
  • “oh it’s actually an original.”
  • “it’s amazing, wow, you’re really talented.” he says, the awkwardness slowly dissipating as you both get to talking about music, a common ground between the both of you
  • “not to brag but i’m considered the best student here when it comes to music composition…..” he says, fully bragging and you laugh
  • “that was before i came here, jihoonie, so we’ll see.”
  • you can’t tell but his heart totally flutters at the nickname
  • “we’ll see. we gotta get to class now but how about we meet again here tomorrow morning?” he says, eyes trained on the keys in front of him
  • “i’d like that” you smile at him and even though you both struggled to understand each other through words, you found a familiarity in music and for now that was enough
  • you come by the practice room the next morning to see jihoon already there. you hand him the cup of coffee just as joshua had suggested and the smile he gives you make you feel warmer than any hot beverage could have and you just became friends after that
  • he introduces you to his friends, including the barista with the cute hamster cheeks who wasted no time in teasing the both of you and you’re like
  • asdfghjkl stahp it
  • but you kind of hope jihoon will take that as a damn sign and just ask you out already jfc the kid’s oblivious
  • (he eventually does tho with a song he composed just for you asdfghjkl its very cute)

anonymous asked:

hey there!, so my protagonist is on a redemption journey after killing a young guy willingly, and i am quite done with the main plot and almost everything, but i can't get hold of how to make the redemption arc believable, do you have any tips on how i can make it easy for the reader to understand and forgive the protagonist? also god bliss you're truly a savior.

Hey there!!

So, fun fact, but redemption arcs are some of favorite things probably ever. I eat redemption for breakfast. Because I love them, not to prove I’m tough. I actually wrote a really long post on writing Redemption Arcs once, so the first thing I am going to do is direct you to that! Redemption Arcs!

But now that I’m on the subject, I am going to reiterate some points and elaborate on a few things that might make understanding and forgiving the protagonist a lot easier on the reader! (Read that post first though!)

Alright, so the number one thing that I like to make very clear when it comes to this sort of arc: redemption is a choice. And it’s not just a choice that you make once- you don’t just feel bad and change your ways over night. It’s a choice that you have to make and stick to. The fact that the character is choosing to change themselves should already score a few points with the reader, too. Personally, I know I approve of someone striving to better themselves. That’s already something the reader can sympathize with.

Also remember that redemption is an arc! I have links to my posts on character arcs on the redemption post, but for right here and now I can break down a few phases of this very important journey and tell you how to really make them more sympathetic.

1. The Heat of the Moment: First things first- the crime. Your character did something bad. That is never something that you should deny or omit. Everyone does bad things, and your character maybe did something especially bad- in this case, willingly killing a young guy. The fact is, killing someone is bad. Before anything else, note that right now I am not about to tell you how to justify their crime- only to help the reader understand it.

Whatever they did, they did for a reason. The idea is to help the readers understand that reason. Maybe they felt they had no other choice, or that the guy posed a threat, or maybe they had been influenced by others to do something they wouldn’t normally, maybe it was a different situation that got wildly out of hand, maybe they were just a horrible person back then but they’ve changed now,  or whatever. Even if you don’t agree with the reason or their choices, the first step to sympathizing with a character is to understand where they were coming from or what was going on inside their minds and how they felt.

2.  Accepting Responsibility: Okay, so at some point after the crime, possibly after a lot of exploration and growth, or possibly right away, depending on the character, your character feels really bad. This is one of the most important parts of making a reader more sympathetic to a character after they have done something horrible- the character must accept responsibility. No dodging the truth or attempting to justify their actions. This is important because acceptance is the first major choice a character makes when beginning a redemption journey. They fully recognize what they did, how it was bad, and accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions, whatever that may mean.

3. Following Through: The next steps are going to be the actions that your character takes following the recognition of their wrongdoings. The actions that they take can vary depending of the character, the wrong they committed, the setting, etc, but typically courses can involve:

-Seeking Punishment: Many times the first thing a guilty character will seek to do is “turn themselves in”. However, a lot of times and for various reasons this may not work out- there may be no one to turn to, or the may be commanded to make up for their actions in other ways, etc. Redemption arcs tend to stop cold when the person is just sentenced to death or prison. In fact it’s not really a redemption.*

*Why not? 

-Righting Old Wrongs: The next thing they might want to do is to fix whatever damage they caused, if at all possible. This again depends on what they did and why, but ultimately it can mean making apologies and amends, helping to rebuild, and generally attempting to look after those they have hurt in the past, if at all possible. Keep in mind that it is up to your other characters whether they wish to accept that apology, but it can mean a lot to the reader at least they tried.

-Correcting Future Actions: Finally, they need to move forward in a way that shows that they have learned from their past mistakes, not only by not repeating them, but also by striving to be better in general. When you have left behind a legacy of mistakes, it takes a lot more effort to get out from the shadow of your past in the eyes of others and make up for what you did. Even if it’s just a personal journey, most characters would feel the need to hold themselves to a higher standard from then on.

4. Slip-Ups: Like with any sort of arc or journey, there might be a few moments where the character makes a mistake again. Everyone does. However, when a character has a history of terrible deeds, they are going to be scrutinized in their every action even throughout their arc. Even if your character has moments of weakness or slipping back into old ways, it should 1) never be to the extent of their original negative actions, and 2) ultimately help reaffirm/lead them back to their journey of atonement. Sometimes, it may seem that going back to their old ways would be easier and very tempting. When they slip up or are tempted, but then get back on the track towards goodness, it shows that they are strong in their resolve to be good for goodness’ sake, even if it is the more difficult thing to do… because it’s the right thing to do. This is a second major choice that proves that your character is truly changed.

Closing Points:

A lot of situations are going to depend on your specific character, their situation, and whatever it was that caused them to seek redemption in the first place. However:

- In order to really seek redemption, they actually have to have done something bad. Not just mildly questionable, but actually, truly problematic. Otherwise, it’s meaningless- the point of a redemption arcs is to show that you can come back from your mistakes.

- Redemption (like all arcs) are all about choices! Your character proves their development through choosing to do better. They really have to want to do good and strive to  follow through on that promise.

- Mistakes happen. Accidentally murdering people again doesn’t. If they are going to slip up, they can’t do a 180, and then flip flop back again when they realize that they want to be good. It’s not that simple to switch sides.

- The reactions of others are going to vary. Some might be more quick to forgive than others. And when you’ve done something like killing a person, that’s pretty justified. 

- Your readers are also going to vary in reaction. You can use the tips above to make their journey more sympathetic, but also be understanding of the fact that no one has to forgive anybody after they’ve done something horrible. 

- Read the Redemption post for additional general tips and the Character Arcs Post for help on pacing the arc in a realistic way. 


Blessings upon you and the writing of this redemption arc! I hope this helps.

~Penemue

anonymous asked:

I saw one of your tags say that you're not sure Sam would be ok with Destiel and I'm curious why. Do you think it'd be like the Benny situation again or something else? I didn't ship Denny but I don't think Sam likes when someone else comes before him in Dean's eyes. (I can't see Sam not liking Desitle as a homophobic thing, but ya never know.) Anyway I'm genuinely curious because I could see Sam not exactly like a shipper but ultimately ok with it.

Hi! I have to say, I’m always torn when I hear about people reading my tags, because on the one hand I’m vain and prideful and they’re written to be read, but on the other, tagging is like talking to yourself, so - *blushes slightly*.

Anyway, first things first - before I discovered what a fandom was, I was a total sucker for shipper!Sam. My doubts didn’t begin until after I’d read a shitload of fanfiction about it, and something really rotten in my brain was like, What if Sam wasn’t okay with it, though? because I always like to be contrary and to turn things on their heads and see how they work and if they still work. So I’ve got no real problems with shipper!Sam. It’s just - I sometimes wonder - generally when I’m writing myself - what would be more interesting from a narrative point of view - if it’d be better to have Sam in the background, hanging up mistletoe and leaving The letter of the day is B leaflets around the Bunker or if it’d be easier for Dean to have something to push against. I think a case could be made either way - but if TPTB would have wanted to go down that first road, they probably wouldn’t have killed off Charlie, since she would have been (and she probably was) an even better shipper and wingman than Sam.

That said, I have two arguments against shipper!Sam.

One: Sam is way more messed up than he lets on, and some part of it is terrified not only that Dean will walk away, but that Dean will fall in love with someone and actually pursue that. I know I’ve seen this discussion go down somewhere, but I honestly don’t remember who first came up with this - apologies, guys - the fact that Sam is an all or nothing kind of guy. Like, when he went to Stanford, that was it - he never contacted John, or even Dean, again. For years. And the same happened when he was with Amelia - he just - I don’t know, cut himself off? I’m not sure if it’s his personality, or a by-product of his less than ideal childhood, but Sam’s got trouble to let people into his life, and once they’re in, it’s like there isn’t room for anyone else? Which is a childish trait, of course, and it signals a lack of emotional maturity on his part (not surprising - poor Sammy). And since Sam tends to relate with other people through his own experiences, part of him surely assumes Dean’s exactly the same; that if Dean found himself a new best friend, or a better hunting partner, or even a spouse of some kind, he’d just walk away and that would be it. So in this sense, Sam would feel threatened by any relationship Dean could potentially develop, not only by Cas.

Two, we used to see Sam as the shades of grey brother, but the amazing thing about this show is that Sam and Dean went through a lot of character development resulting in them almost swapping the roles they had in the first seasons - and yet all this feels natural and completely believable. So these days, Dean’s more likely to be the one who gives monsters a pass (hell, look at his relationship with Crowley), while Sam’s become sort of judgemental and what needs must. I think it was Ruby, most of all, who scarred Sam from the inside out and made him so much more conservative, or pragmatic (like, look at him now - he’s more willing than Dean to work with the BMoL, because he’s Mr Head Choice or something). Sam took a huge risk in liking and trusting Ruby, and it all hinged on a sort of anti-racism argument - an I don’t care if she’s a demon, because even demons can be nice and Our biology doesn’t determine our destiny and whatever else. Dean had shut him down about this, of course, but Sam had persisted - and I know there were other elements at play here, but to me, the central point was exactly this: a pigheaded and generous and noble willingness to trust a creature you don’t understand at all and you’ve got no reason to trust. Now, of course things are different with Cas, because Cas has proven, time and again, that Dean’s safety would be his number one priority and all that, but I’m still not convinced Sam would actively want that for Dean. After all, Sam’s seen this other, softer side of Dean’s - he’s seen him around kids (he remembers him from their shared childhood) and he’s heard (a bit) about how happy he was with Robin and whatever, so I sometimes feel Sam still wants the Sookie ending for Dean: a chance to have a true family of his own, and a life Dean could finally lead in full view of everybody, without shame or weirdness or sigils carved on the walls. And I’m not sure this is something Cas would be able to give Dean.

Finally, there’s the whole bisexuality deal. Here, I have to say - I don’t know what to think. I’m sure Sam’s got no problem with queer people, but it’s always slightly different when it’s your family, right? And there are days I think Sam must know - Jesus, they’ve been sharing a room for thirty years - and days when I think that no, that parent/child thing they’ve got going is way too strong for Sam to see the whole picture (to even think about it). 

(Like, I know it was supposed to be funny and that I’m reading too much into it, but Sam recoiling when Rowena suggested he undress Dean and check his chest hair or something - to me, that was emblematic of how their relationship works. Dean’s changed Sam’s diapers, has helped him to get dressed for years, surely bathed him and watched him play with that one plastic submarine they’d scavenged somewhere and, years later, he stitched him up and massaged weird herbal salves over his bruises and whatever - but to Sam, of course, it’s weird to think about his brother’s body at all, because that’s the relationship we have with our parents: when you actually have to take care of them that way, it means things have got very bad and very scary.)

In any case, at the very least Sam would be worried about Dean’s safety (and there’s always that heartbreaking thing, right, that if you’re bi and you can be happy with a woman - man, it’d be so much easier) - but one big reason to be optimistic in this sense was this new development we’ve seeing - that openly gay hunters can actually exist in the community without being bothered. 

(Then again, judging from the news coming about the US, I sometimes feel Dean and Cas could have their college AU life only in a big city, and not in one of those wild, road off to the horizon states where Dean feels most at home. So, well - I really don’t know.)

Anyway - we know so little about Sam, it’s likely that anything could work concerning his approach to the Destiel situation. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

XF Fic Challenge: “Talking in the Park”

Author: @2moms-0fucks

Rating: Teen? Maybe

Summary: Set post Per Manum, Scully discovers something in Mulder’s apartment that leads them on a conversation of what could have been.

Notes: I wrote this a year ago, to be honest. I never fleshed it out, and simply cleaned it up to submit for the challenge. It’s cracky. BOY IS IT FLUFF CRACK. Submitted for @xfficchallenges - Dialogue Only Challenge. Ugh. This is so cracky. i’m totally geeking out on the idea of conversations because so many conversations never happened in this series. But…oh well…I DO hope you enjoy it.


“Talking In The Park” by: 2moms-0fucks


“Mulder…? Why do you have all these books?”

“I uh… I got them when you started the treatments…”

‘What to Expect When Your Wife’s Expanding’? 'Test Tubes and Testosterone: A Man’s Journey Into Infertility and IVF’…?”

“Scully… I uh”

“Mulder…”

“I should donate them or something…”

“You read them?”

“Yeah…”

“But I thought–”

“That I just wanted to be the donor?”

“Well…”

“You wanna go for a walk for a minute?”

“Mulder, I–”

“Come on. It’ll make more sense…I promise.”

“Mulder those books…”

“Look, I know, Scully…”

“When I asked you to be the donor - to be the father…, you never said you wanted to play a bigger role…”

“Would you have allowed me?”

“You would have been the father – of course I would have. I would have let you play as much of a role as you wanted.”

“When you asked me to help you have a baby, I was… nervous. I was terrified, actually. It’s not like my own father was the epitome of ‘Leave it to Beaver’… and I was concerned that the same men who were behind everything would somehow use the baby to…hurt you… And I was being selfish…”

“Being concerned about my safety isn’t selfish.”

“No, I was. I was entirely selfish. But I can’t really explain it. A part of me – A large part of me didn’t want– It’s complicated Scully. I don’t know if you’ll understand…”

“Explain it. I want to know. A large part of you, what?”

“A large part of me was afraid of losing you.”

“Mulder, we’re partners…”

“Scully, you don’t know that. You really think you were going to continue with our work pregnant or with a young child?

“Well. I—“

“When I said yes, I told you I was afraid of it coming between us… I knew it was going to come between us. Eventually. No matter who the father is, a baby would change–”

“Everything.”

“Yeah…”

“For the record, Mulder, I wouldn’t have… I mean, there isn't… You weren’t my first choice.”

“That makes a guy feel good, Scu—“

“You were my only choice.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How would the RFA + V and Saeran react to a bilingual MC, who uses a word in another language when she can't think of the right one in the language she's speaking? (I do this a lot with French + English, and my friends who don't speak French always give me weird looks :( )

A/N:

The language I picked was the language (Punjabi) I speak at home, but I didn’t know how to spell it in english but I tried my best!!! (Most of these are actually my own experience) (Also sorry I didn’t use several languages, i just like putting my own personal stuff in here sometimes) 404 did the non-Punjabi ones! ~ Admin 626

*YOOSUNG
-He convinced you to play LOLOL with him!!!
-Big mistake
-He knew that he could get loud and angry when something happened, but…
-Did not expect you to get so loud!!!!
-”WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING???? JAVLA HELVETE!!!!”
-……..MC….what?
-You said it fairly often, and he knows it’s another language, but…. WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
-He’s asked you constantly what it means but you….couldn’t…..think of the right words?
-”It means… um…. Well. It means… Oh my god? What are the words?
-I DON’T KNOW MC THAT’S WHY I ASKED
-Scared the hell out of him when you yelled “FUCKING HELL” out of nowhere one day and you had to explain that  you finally remembered what you were trying to say!!! Only this time, not in Swedish!!
-MC!!! BAD!!!
- lowkey google translates anything you can’t remember for you


*JUMIN
-The two of you were coming home from a completely boring party you had to attend
-It was full of big, important business owners and directors and you just couldn’t stand it!!!
-”HOW in the WORLD do they run their businesses??”
-”I know! They’re such…. Um… uh, como se dice…pendejos??”
-???? mC SUCH LANGUAGE
-”I agree, they did seem to be lacking in the knowledge department.”
- okay that wasn’t what i asked exactly but thanks
-This happens more than you’d like to admit, but it’s a good thing he can speak Spanish
-He’ll always understand you, whether you’re speaking in Spanish or not!!!
-”Jumin? Como se dice gato?” “MC, that’s a simple word. It’s cat. How could you forget?”
-”Do you want some… some.. Um… Vino?” “? Wine? Yes, MC, please.”
-YOU’RE SO GRATEFUL THAT HE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU where would you be if he didn’t translate for you???
-He notices when you’re quiet in public and realizes that you probably just can’t think of the correct word outside of Spanish, so he’ll answer you quietly just so you don’t get embarrassed what a cutie omg

*SAEYOUNG
-HE DOES THE SAME THING
-”Shit… what’s the word again….”
-??? So you ask him what word he’s thinking of. He didn’t figure you’d know but he told you anyway
-”I forgot the word for ‘safinat fadayiya’”
-”Spaceship?”
-”…..yoU KNOW ARABIC”
-????? Did he not realize you’ve been able to get into his house since the beginning
-Now the two of you speak Arabic around the others just to be jerks
-Not even Jumin knows Arabic
-You don’t say anything meaningful, either. It’s usually random sentences!
-So every time you forget a word, he’s got your back! So long as you you do the same for him
-Except if you forget a word at the gate, he’ll let you suffer and laugh at you
-Well!!!! Until you get angry enough at least. Then he’ll let you in and hide from your cute wrath

*SAERAN
-He didn’t even know you could speak another language
-Honestly always thought that you were muttering or making words up
-That’s why he always gave you a weird look
-One day though, you were mid-conversation with him and blanked on the word
-”Do you want to go get…. Um. Get…crème glacée?”
-”….Get what?”
-”Crème glacée. You know… the uh, frozen milk stuff you like to eat!”
-”You..mean ice cream? You’re saying ice cream?”
-”YES! YES HEY!!! That thing! Thank you!”
-”What the hell was that? Made up words? What the fuck?”
-Saeran it….. Was….. French, sweetheart. Not made up
-??? He was really confused but took your word for it
-Tries to learn French secretly so he can help you next time instead of looking at you like you were crazy

*ZEN
- you’re actually lowkey worried about him???
- He’s so pretty!!!
- What if he gets jinxed and he becomes ugly because his looks are shown off so much??? Literally my grandma has said this to me and my cousin after she and i dressed up one time
- you always try to encourage him to wear sweats and other lowkey clothing so no one will be drawn to him! (of course only when you two are trying to do something in public together, you wouldnt try to get him to do that for anything job related)
- but he just doesn’t get it??? He never listens to you but you never really explain why bc you feel so embarrassed believing in this!!!
- but one day you two get into a terrible argument about this
- “I just don’t get it! Are you jealous of the other girls giving me attention?”
- You start tearing up because that’s so far from it, you completely trust him
- “Nazaar, okay?! I just don’t anything happening to you!!!”
- Zen is just like wtf did u just say, was that even human or are you just choking wtf
- and then he reMEMBERS YOU CAN SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE HOW DID HE FORGET
- “Oh god sorry, I didn’t mean to use Punjabi but I don’t know another word for it. It’s kinda like jinxing but it’s more intense? But basically by showing off your looks, other people might want something bad to happen to you and you might turn ugly!”
- LMAO MC WHAT YOU THINK THIS PIECE OF HOT ASS IS GONNA TURN UGLY???
- but he understands it’s part of your ritual and he lets you do these little rituals to ward away the “nazaar” because it’s cute that you worry that much <3

Jaehee
- you’re helping out at the shop when you run out of cardamom to put in the chai! sUCH A TRAGEDY
- but you can’t remember what it’s called??? You can’t tell Jaehee???
- “MC, what’s wrong?
- “We’re out of that one spice!!!”
-thanksMCthat’ssospecificyoumusthavegottenanAinenglish
- you decide fuck it and you’re like “We’re out of leche!!!”
- Jaehee goes wide eyed because you can speak another language wtf
- She actually knew what you were saying because Jaehee knows Hindi and that overlaps with your language a lot
-yes Jaehee knows Hindi don’t question it okay
-You two start trash talking the customers in Hindi/Punjabi

V
- This boy got a cute owl figurine at a store!!!
-smh what a hipster *eye roll*
- He puts it in your room bc it’s so cute!!!
- but when you see it, you freak out???
- “wait what’s wrong with it MC???”
- “Nazaar lagna!”
- He just looks at you like ??? what did you say to him???
- What did you just say about his son
- wAIT YOU CAN SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE???
- “Oh sorry um, in my culture, owls are considered bad luck?”
- okay but what u did u just say MC udumbhoe
- “I just said you jinxed me, I mean it’s worse than a jinx but that’s the best way I can say it”
- He spends the rest of the night asking you to say other words in Punjabi cause it’s so pretty
-asks you to call him Daddy in your language (just kidding that’s Jumin)

annieleonhardt  asked:

Sometimes I think about the fact that there are people out there somewhere who hate Annie and I can't even understand like how do u come to such a bad conclusion in ur life? Anyway I love u

Sigh. Annie, oh Annie.

I swear this character is bad for my mental health sometimes because the amount feelings i get shouldn’t be legal. 

Annie is responsible for alot of discourse. Although im not the oldest member in this hellhole that is the Snk fandom i can tell you that people’s feelings for her are either an unlimited amount of love, frustration, or pure hate. 

With everything relevant to her that has been put in the manga i think i can tell what causes all of the above, and especially the last two. This is gonna be a  pretty much a character analysis because i want to ramble k bye have fun reading.

Keep reading

Latte au's (part 1)

So while I’ve been working on the latte fic, I have been thinking about a lot of different modern latte au’s. so I thought maybe I should share them with you guys!

MUSIC AU

Matt is finishing up his final year of college graduating with a doctorate in bioengineering. His best friend Shiro invites him and his sister to a recital his orchestra is doing. But Matt has never really been into music, only really going to Shiro’s performances because his sister made him go. Just as luck would have it, Pidge forces her brother to go to the recital. Matt of course is pretty grumpy at this, complaining that he’s going to be behind in his studies (not really, but he just really can’t understand the appeal to stuff like this. No offense Shiro.) but as the recital starts, Matt notices that there seems to be a new member to Shiro’s orchestra. It’s not hard to tell he’s new, since he’s the only darkly tan one out of the entire ensemble. That’s probably the first time Matt has ever sit still through an entire song, and then when the next one is about to be played; tall, tan and gorgeous stands up and takes a position by the microphone. He then begins to play the most hauntingly beautiful piece Matt has ever heard. Through the entire performance, his eyes are on this tan violin god.

After the performance, Matt meets up with Shiro ,as usual, and starts asking questions about who the violinist is. Shiro automatically gives himself smirk and merely says “why not ask him yourself?” And points to said person running up to them, waving at Shiro. Matt learns that his name is Lance and that he’s supposedly a violin prodigy. Though he doesn’t really like it when people boast about it.

Matt is left staring wide eyed at the kid, trying to figure out what to say to try and make a good impression. Of course, Lance notices and asks him if there is something on his face, to which Matt’s immediate reply is “no, but I’d love to.” (You can rip this headcanon from my cold dead hands) Lance laughs and gives Matt his number and his name, telling to call him if he wants to meet up and maybe grab some coffee.

And it’s the start to a beautiful relationship. They will send each other memes constantly, having entire conversations with them. At the beginning of the relationship, both boys would tell each other cheesy pick up lines any chance they got (they still do it, but it’s not as bad as when they were both pining messes trying to impress the other) Whenever Lance gets out of rehearsal, he will hang out with Matt and listen to him ramble on about his thesis or his most recent project, and follows along to his train of thought pretty well, asking good questions about his work at appropriate times.

And Matt will listen to Lance practicing his violin or ranting about how his newest piece is such a pain in the ass (even though he’s already played through it at least once since he got to Matt’s apartment.) he’ll even bring some of his own pieces in and work on them, talking out loud to Matt about crescendos, sharps and flats and “how a triplet would make this part so much better than a slide”. And even though he doesn’t really get any music terms that Lance rambles on about, Matt loves hearing Lance talk about music; loves the emotion that he puts into every single note.