i don’t want to be bitter anymore. i want to be excited for what’s coming. anticipation, even. but discontentment is a bad weed that needs to be plucked out. i know i’m going to look back and laugh at how confused i am right now. things will come when it is their time. and when their time is here, i’m going to be overflowing. but until then, i can’t be blaming the sun for not shining hard enough. the water for not pouring enough. any more or less will damage my future dreams. the perfect amount of nurturing is happening in this moment for later growth. it hurts and i’m thirsty and confused and lonely but emotions don’t stop anything from blooming, giving up and hating myself does. but i’m so ready for the stem to grow. so ready for the petals to undress themselves and dance in the light i can’t stop dreaming of.