how can one man do this to me

anonymous asked:

hi, I'm a lesbian Christian. I have a very strong faith but the one thing I can't get over is how in the Bible marriage is only described as between a man and a woman. I'm very much looking forward to marrying my future wife, but what does God/the Bible think about it ? how does God still support me if I'm "not allowed" to marry a woman? thank you in advance♥️

Hey sapphic sis! Do I have news for you! There are gays in our very own Bible! Just mistranslated!

So lemme tell you bout my boys David and Jonathan. (I'mma be getting most of my stuff from this site which does an awesome job at explaining it http://hoperemains.webs.com/samesexmarriage.htm but tbh you can find this stuff everywhere)

(here’s another one that’s a bit of an easier read

http://qspirit.net/david-jonathan-same-sex-love/ ) 

So 1 Samuel 18 gives us a pretty good idea of how in love these two idiots were. It says their souls were intertwined in the first verse. In 1 Samuel 20:41, when they reunited after they’d been separated, they literally cried and made out until David got a boner. (Most modern translations leave out the erection bit, but this is what the original text says). Then after Jonathan dies, David goes on about how broken up he is about it and says he preferred the love of Jonathan to that of any woman (since it was improper for men and women, especially of that standing, to be friends or speak to each other outside of a romantic/sexual context, we can assume this wasn’t just his way of saying “Bros before hoes”)

“But Sarah!” You say, “I know my Bible! David didn’t marry Jonathan! He married his sister Michal!” Look at you, knowing your Bible. I’m proud of you. But you fail to know context, my youngling. In that time period, the government wasn’t involved in marriage- it consisted of about two things: a promise and a u-haul. Even if a couple was only betrothed, unfaithfulness is a serious thing and the word for the splitting after that is the same as “divorce” in the original text (we can see an example of this in the story of Mary and Joseph). 

1 Samuel 18:3-4 shows David and Jonathan making a covenant and then getting naked so there’s that. Then David moves in with Jonathan and his fam. Still not convinced they were married? We actually have clarification in the original text, but modern translations mix up the words! Geez I wonder why! 1 Samuel 18:21 cites Saul telling David that once he marries Michal, he will be his “son in law through one of the two”. It’s assumed by the reader that this is referencing the almost-betrothal of David to yet another royal sibling, Mehab, who refused the marriage. Maybe she had a good gaydar or wasn’t gonna steal her brother’s man, idk. Except here’s the thing. The translation of the King James version completely makes up the words “one of”. It should read that David will be Saul’s “son in saw through two”. 👀👀👀☕☕☕ 

Yes, David had other wives, and children. Polygamy was very common back then, especially for a king such as he. But he never expressed the same love he did for Jonathan for any woman in scripture. 

This is just one of the several examples of same sex couples, one of the most notorious being the roman centurion and his bf, whom Jesus blessed. You can find more examples in those two links up top. It’s unfortunate that I don’t know of any cool biblical examples for us wlw, it’s one of the side effects of history forgetting genders besides male exist. Honestly though, are there really any good examples of couples in the Bible? Adam and Eve literally brought sin into the world, God told Sarah and Abraham were told they were gonna have kids and they basically went “lol u wild” and didn’t believe him so. It’s not like the God gave us great straight examples of what a biblical marriage is supposed to look like practically (song of solomon is just a bunch of gushing over each other). 

So what I mean to say is this: you are allowed to marry woman. God loves you whoever you marry, if you decide to marry at all. If you have more doubts, scroll through my apologetics tag or message me with your questions. I love you and so does God and I hope this helped and I hope you have a great day!! 

tl;dr David and Jonathan were super gay for each other and God put it in the Bible but homophobes messed it up but it doesn’t matter bc God Loves The Gays

Submit our dadsonas? Hell yeah. I present to you me, as a dad. Multiple names for this one.

Genderfluid dad. Mom dad. Tired dad. Meme dad. Witch dad.

Things I said making my dadsona

-How feminine can I make this guy

-12 children. 10 are dogs, one is a snake, another is human.

-They’d probably fight anyone that says they can’t be a dad.

-I should listen to Lana Del Rey while doing this…

-Hi my name is man bun mc bun man.

-MAN BUN BUNS OF STEEL EATING BUNS BUNS FOR REAL

Man, I can’t *wait* for the reveal of how the bad guy made himself fly!

This is one of the show’s most-impressive feats, period. How does he do it?

In costume, he hovers a full foot off the ground, bobbing up and down as if he were genuinely levitating.

From a standing position, he can take off and quickly gain (and maintain) momentum.

He can fly steadily for hundreds of yards, not losing a single inch of height.

Hmm. 

Getting a good look at his costume, there’s little to be seen. Nothing on his feet, and no indication of wires… though to be fair, he would have nothing to hang from, using said wires outside.

Here, he passes over the sled by mere inches, further discounting any sort of extra objects attached to his feet.

Oh! Oh! They caught him! Here we go!

Lemme try to guess… well, in order for him to:

  1. Hover, standing, a foot above the ground 
  2. Initiate horizontal flight instantly
  3. Fly for several hundred yards or more 
  4. Maintain height indefinitely without descending 

It would have to be… some form of zero-gravity invention, with hyper-precise movement, controlled by telepathy since he doesn’t move externally?

Maybe an invisible, silent, undetectable helicopter flown by an accomplice, suspending him via wires that are also somehow invisible? What is it?!

Velma: “It was simple! Transparent plastic skis!”

…no.

No.

This is not ok.

YOU CAN’T JUST ACT LIKE SLIGHTLY-TRANSLUCENT SKIS GIVE PEOPLE THE POWER OF LEVITATION

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS

THIS IS NOT OK, VELMA

THIS IS NOT OK AT ALL

I just explained my issues with executive dysfunction to my dad and holy shit he gets it!


I described it like this: 

Imagine you’re back at AllPro(where he worked) with fifty phones and they’re all ringing. You want to answer them all because they’re all equal priority. That’s an environmental cue– phones are generally a ‘respond immediately’ cue.

Picking up a phone is a simple thing. You know it’s as easy as deciding which phone to answer and reaching out to pick it up, but your brain is saying “I must answer all of them!” The phones are ringing, and you can’t make your body reach out to pick one up because you don’t have fifty arms to reach out, you don’t have fifty ears to listen with, you don’t have a brain that can process and respond to fifty conversations and you don’t have fifty mouths that can all say different things all at the same time. 

Either you do it all simultaneously or nothing will happen. You can want to do it so bad it makes you cry, and you can’t make a decision because no choice seems like the right one. So the task stays unfinished and you get frustrated every time somebody reminds you to “just do it, it’s not that hard!” Because yes, it really IS that hard.

Now, if you had somebody who could point to which phone to answer, you can do it fine. That’s a prompt. Prompting removes the ‘middle man’ thought that says ‘do it all at once’ and gets you to focus on tasks one at a time instead of seeing them as some towering insurmountable mess.

Dad looked at me for a couple of seconds and said something to the effect of, “I didn’t know doing things were that hard for you.”

This is a major, major, major breakthrough between us because dad had it in his head that I left things messy because I didn’t care. While that’s crappy of him to assume, teaching him how that’s not the case and having him really understand it is a huge deal.

The boy who lived would turn into a feared and respected man. At the same time, he’s surrounded by those who want to kill him too. Lots of new enemies and unknown dark magic, that’s the fuel that keeps me drawing Harry Potter as an Auror.

He has more than one wand against his head and instead of showing reaction, he just asks “what do you want?” in a very low voice. He’s smarter and uses his wand only if it’s necessary. Non-verbal spells all the time. He knows how to control his emotions - no one can get inside his head - it is completely shut. He’s almost fearless… cold, sometimes. But always protected by love. He’s a father. There are more things to die for now. He wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

“After all, to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” Dumbledore

[instagram/tag @potterbyblvnk for more sketches]

Some reasons why Spider-Man: Homecoming is the best in no particular order :
-Peter speaks Spanish
-“it’s not Indians; it’s Native Americans”
-Aunt May doesn’t realize how hot she is but Peter does
-Tony “I sound like my father” Stark
-Cap’s videos
-“He’s a war criminal now but this is state required”
- “Can I be your guy in the chair?”
-“This was built by slaves and I don’t want to participate in that”
-“I’m just gonna be myself” “no one wants that Peter” “…dude”
-“Cap’s New Shield”
-“Thor’s new belt”
-“MY FRIENDS CALL ME MJ”
-“What are you doing?” “I’ watching…porn?”
-Michelle’s crisis drawings
-Happy being the biggest Pepper x Tony shipper since 2008.
- “If Cap wanted to lay you out he would’ve”
-“WHAT THE F—”

faeron-the-wanderer  asked:

My guy, what's the name of the manga you've been reblogging?

Its called 

DANBERU NAN KIRO MOTERU?

Or in English

How Many Kilos are the Dumbbells You Lift?

I literally found it yesterday All thanks to @jake-everfree 

and its about these 2 girls which eventually turn to 5 

who want to start working out and going to the gym 

so theres Sakura Hibiki the blonde girl and my personal favorite whos basically just trying to lose weight cause she eats like Goku

and  Akemi Souryuuin the Dark Black Haired girl who is OBSESSED with Fitness and has a muscle fetish

And they get a BEAST OF A Personal Trainer named Machio

And he’s Just a Monstrous Intelligent Fitness Training Obsessed with helping them become Great!!

And the Manga goes in detail explaining Exercises.

Now I’m a Personal Trainer myself. I’ve been Certified the last 7 years and graduated college last year 

PS if you wanna hire me for online coaching just email me at jdownsfitness@gmail.com ;)

so I HONESTLY am Impressed with the facts they are spewing out. and THE MANGA IS F*CKIN FUNNY AS HELL! Because sometimes its slice of life fun.

Like a 29 year old teacher who loves to cosplay started working out so she could cosplay better 

and then it can turn into an ACTION BADASS SERIES just because Hibiki has Natural Gifts 

And everyones facial expressions will change to match the mood 

And its HILARIOUS, Its Fun, and just has so many things I appreciate as a Personal Trainer myself I LOVE THIS MANGA AND REAL TALK. Itss giving me 10x the Motivation to do better at fitness than OPM and yes even DBZ did back in the day 

SO GO READ IT NOW! 

https://mangadoom.co/danberu-nan-kiro-moteru/1

Its only 18 chapters right now! So Go Read it and tell me what ya think. Also 

@train-go you should check this out :)

And I can start another poll! 

Like I when I got 1021 people to read the One Punch Man manga way before the anime premiered :) Booyah! Let me see how many we can get! Making a video on this on my channel later ^_^

https://www.youtube.com/user/jaxblade07

Day Ninety-One

-A young girl realized that she had inadvertently been hiding an item while her mother had been attempting to empty her cart and announced, “Mom, I was sitting on a pair of socks! They were hiding in my butt hut!” Any child this eloquent is certain to make history.

-An elderly man walked into the store, stared at a three-foot statue of the Target dog Bullseye, and asked loudly of no one in particular, “Does this dog attack often?” He then carried on his way to go shopping, apparently not all that concerned with finding an answer.

-Upon placing two solitary cans of soup on the counter, I was told with no context, “Tonight, she’s learning the wonders of canned soup.” I eventually was given the backstory that the guest had an exchange student from Austria, where they apparently do not have canned soup, but I believe that we can all do to be reminded of these wonders sometimes.

-I am glad to see that the etiquette of returning one’s cart rather than abandoning it at the register has reached Austria. I am disappointed to see that it has still yet to reach my surrounding area.

-A baby said hi. I said hi. The baby told me I was cute. I ended the conversation there. I did not know how to tell the baby that I am a taken man.

-I rang up a man with one standard brown eye and one eye which appeared to have been made out of stainless steel, qualifying itself as an Eye Deluxe.

-A four year-old attempted to smuggle a Nutella snack tub into her father’s purchase. I tried to help her sneak it through, but we were sadly both found out before the mission could be completed.

9

“I’m Muslim and I trust you. Do you trust me enough for a hug?”

I don’t know why people always blame all the muslims for crime. How can u believe that person is 100% muslim? Islam never teaches to kill innocent people. If  a muslim kills innocent people, then he is not a muslim. ONE DIRTY FISH CAN MAKE WHOLE RIVER DIRTY! I wish all the problems of the world were solved this way, respecting other ways of living and trusting each other. My congratulations to that brave man.

(Our tiefling warlock, Malveus, has a nasty habit of interacting with things by licking them. So far, this has included dripping dungeon walls, hallucinogenic mushrooms, a spider’s butt, a gray slime, and various other creatures.)
(Early on in our third session, the party comes across a corridor scattered with glowing crystals which shatter with a blinding light when handled roughly. A couple of us manage dexterity checks to collect a few, and then the expected happens.)

Malveus: I lick one.

DM: (exasperated) It explodes. And it takes all sensation in your tongue. You can still talk, but you can’t taste anything any more.

Malveus: What?! No!

Other warlock: Oh, man, that’s your special thing! How can you live without licking shit?

Malveus: Can I heal myself?

DM: A Lesser Restoration would do it, but none of you can cast that yet.

Malveus: (mutinous grumbling)

(We move on. After a minor scrap and some uneventful trekking through caverns, Malveus suddenly snaps.)

Malveus: I can’t take it any more! I need my freaking tongue back, guys! I summon Asmodeus to heal me.

(General commotion. Most of us think this is a stupid idea.)

DM: Fine, try it. But I hope you know just how high of a roll I’m going to make you –

Malveus: Natural 100.

DM: Bull!

Cleric: No shit, (DM,) he actually did it!

DM: Fuck. Okay, fine! Fine. Fuck it. Asmodeus the demon lord appears in a gout of sulphurous flame, and says, (scary voice) YES, MY SON?

Malveus: O my father, I beg of you, heal my broken tongue!

DM as Asmodeus: … WHAT THE FUCK, MALVEUS. YOU SUMMON ME FOR THIS SHIT? YOU’RE RIDICULOUS.

Malveus: Please, father, I –

DM as Asmodeus: SHUT UP, MORON. FINE, I’LL HEAL YOUR DAMN TONGUE. BUT IT’LL COST YOU YOUR SIGHT.

Malveus: Done!

Cleric: What? Are you nuts?!

Sorceress: Don’t be a damn fool!

Malveus: Guys, it’s fine. I can see through the eyes of my familiar, I’ll still be able to see. Ish. Totally worth it. Take my sight.

DM as Asmodeus: DONE. YOU’RE AN IDIOT. (regular voice) He heals your tongue, blinds you, slaps you across the back of the head and you take six bludgeoning damage, and then he vanishes.

Other tiefling: (waving cheerfully) Bye, Dad!

Malveus: I summon back my quozzit and put it on my head, so its eyes are about where mine are.

(So now our Malveus wanders through the Underdark with his centipede-formed familiar permanently affixed to the front of his face.)

brandon-wallace  asked:

Hi jax my name is Brandon I'm a really big fan but I'm only 14. I was wondering, what would be best for me to do training wise bc I want the body of like deku, spider Man, one punch man ect... But I can't really have a diet bc how old I am and my mom doesn't like it when I try to go on a diet. Can you do a video on how young peaple like me can git ripped ? Plz ...Thank you

Watch these 4 videos in ORDER 

and you’ll be ready to ACCOMPLISH 
any FITNESS goal for any age, gender and fitness level. 

We all had to start somewhere 

“Listen up, scarface, I’ve cut throats from creatures your size before, I can do it again.”

Ok but hear me out: An AU where Keith grew up in the Blade of Marmora. The red lion has chosen Keith to be her new paladin, and leads team Voltron to their base to pick him up. However, this Keith isn’t the one we know in canon universe. Keith is very defensive and hostile towards Allura, Coran and the paladins because he has grown up believing all outsiders have ill intentions and should never be trusted. Shiro quickly has to learn how to gain Keith’s trust, because after all, he’s his right hand man, and without him they can’t form voltron.

Ball Chain & Satin

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: “Can you write a one shot where Bucky and Reader are getting married, but Bucky is scared. Angst or fluff, it’s up to you. Thanks!” Requested by Anonymous.

Word Count:1,391

Warnings: Language (probably)

A/N: I’m working on my requests, yay me! Oh boii, the fluff is strong :) Hope you’ll like it!

Originally posted by heartsandwheels

You were in front of the mirror, admiring your sleeveless satin wedding gown when someone knocked on the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

Grabbing a fistful of satin, you gathered up the skirt of your gown and moved closer to the door. You pressed your ear against the wood and heard him shuffling around on the other side of the door.

“Buck, what are you doing here? We’re not supposed to see each other before the ceremony.”

“I wanted to see you.”

“You’ll see me in an hour. Now, hush!”

Keep reading

Promise*

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: Explicit - 18+ only
Summary: Reader, being reckless gets hurt on a mission. Days later, when she gives her final report to her boyfriend Steve, it provokes an argument between them.
Word Count: 3.5k
Genre: general fiction containing explicit sexual content.
Warnings: argument, mild swearing, mentions of death. NSFW/SMUT: makeup sex, praise kink, soft dirty talking, nipple play, oral sex (female receiving), slow fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, and semi-protected sex. - This fic assumes Reader is on the pill. [Cover your stone before you bone!]
Author’s Note: especially written for @always-an-evans-addict‘s writing challenge. I hope you like this one, sweetie.

   New Avengers Facility

“Steve, you read my report and Wanda told you what happened. That’s it. Can’t we just move on?”

“That’s it? That’s it?!”

Behind the closed door of your boyfriend’s office, you uncomfortably explained yourself, keeping in mind that people around you could probably sense the walls vibrating under the force of your voices.

You’d never thought that blowing out the last Hydra base found in Argentina would provoke such a drama within the team, or between you and the super soldier. Usually, you and Steve argued about the group’s mistake, not yours. When the incident happened in South America, you realized that if Wanda hadn’t been there, you probably wouldn’t be alive today.

Keep reading

Don't be so stupid

Could you do a rough kinky Jerome smut?

——

I straighten the covers and place the money in my safe box under the bed. Another night of work. I laugh at my own statement. Ha! Work! All you do is take rejected men’s money for a wild time.

I haven’t been doing this long. Only a couple months, but I’ve made more money than you can believe!

I know how people look at me. I see the stares of shame. How some women cross the street trying to get as far away from me as possible like they might catch something.

They wouldn’t. I don’t let any man go there. Only one man has ever taken me there. Only one man I will ever let go beyond the methods I use on other men. No one has touched me since the day he was murdered.

As I scrub the filth away from my body I think back to how Jerome took me. He had different ways of making me feel head over heels. Some nights he would take me hard and rough where the bed would get close to breaking, than other nights when he was feeling love sick he would worship me. He would thrust passionately kissing my body and telling me how beautiful I am.

I step out of the shower leaving the painful memories behind. I wrap a towel around my body and go down to the kitchen to make a drink. I get out the ingredients for a rock hard drink but then a knock on the door interrupts me.

I sigh and open it to see a man with cash in hand. He raises his brow and pushes past me. Is this really my life? He throws the money at me and sits on the sofa.

I walk over to him and set the cash on the hood in his trousers. “It’s late.” I say and make my way to the door to open it for him. He laughs and throws the cash at me with force. “Suck it whore.” This man was clearly drunk and out of his mind to think he can talk to me like that.

Though financial worries enter my brain. I need the money. I need it to get away from here. I sigh and rest on my knees giving the man what he paid for.

Once done I stand up quickly and feel like I should rinse my mouth out with bleach. Just then another knock rings out. A loud one. One of demand.

I move to open the door. “I can see why you’re so popular dollface.” I grasp the handle hard and turn to him with a displeased expression. “Don’t-” “CALL HER THAT!” A screaming voice beats me to it. I know that voice.

I open the door thinking I’m crazy. I’m hearing voices again. I swing open the door to see him. “J-Jer-” he places his finger against my lips and strides into the room seeing the man. He turns to me with fire in his eyes. “Did he touch you?” I shake my head gripping my towel closer to my body scared.

Jerome comes closer and I take in his appearance. Staples? I have to say it’s not his worst look.

The man on the couch scoffs. “No. She never lets anyone get in there. To stubborn. I’ve got to say she makes up for it man. Come here and sit. She does magic.” Jerome laughs. “Oh I know. She’ll ride me like a good girl any day.” The man once again scoffs. “Ha sure! She’s not gonna let some random person in there!” The man laughs.

Jerome turns to him with a smirk. “Oh I’m not a stranger. I was her first isn’t that right darling?” He asks lifting my chin up. “Well go on baby girl. Tell him how I’m the only one who’s ever touched your pussy.” Jerome moves me in front of the man and grips my hips. “He’s the only man to ever touch my pussy.” I say feeling Jerome move his hand beyond the towel and run his fingers over the skin of my hip. I shiver under his touch missing him exceedingly.

The man on the couch slaps his knee with a jealous expression. “Oh man! Lucky you! You’re okay with her doing this though? That’s what I call a working relationship!” Jerome’s hand goes further and slips between my wet folds. He circles my clit with pressure making my body lean into his. Jerome laughs and removes his hand. Instead he lifts up the back of the towel and grips my ass. “Actually no. You see I’ve been gone for a while. This is news to me. I find this…humiliating, and revolting.” Jerome then fiddled with his own trousers and releases himself. I feel him from behind as he starts to rub his head across my wet folds. The man on the couch just stares as if he’s in heaven.

Jerome laughs. “My my my doll. You really haven’t let anyone touch you. So tight I can even thrust into you, but as for you…enjoying the snow?” Jerome thrusts hard entering me. Filling me up like he use to. I arch back into him wanting more. Needing more. The man on the couch looks at me and nods his head.

Jerome laughs and pulls out a gun. He places the barrel to my head as he continues to thrust into me pulling my hair back. “Should I shoot you? Hm? Do you deserve to live knowing the things you’ve done? You dirty whore. Who do you belong to?” “You. You Jerome!” I moan out enjoying the blissful pleasure he’s bestowing upon me. “That’s right doll! I want you to do so for me okay?” Jerome whispers in my ear. “Shoot him.” Jerome says placing the gun in my hand.

I aim the barrel at him and pull the trigger with a rush enveloping me. The mans blood splatters on the wall and he falls completely limp. Jerome growls and rips the towel away turning me around. “You’re in so much trouble.” He says and pushes me against the wall hiking me up and thrusting into me hard and fast. I place my arms around him moaning his name over and over again. “Say it again doll. Scream it.” He says and moves his hand to rub my clit. I toss my head back against the wall in pure pleasure. “Jerome!” I moan out.

He moves to sit on the couch next to the dead man still spilling blood. “What do you say princess? You wanna ride me?” I nod eagerly and place myself above him cock and sliding down on him. Jerome grips my hips as I bouch on his cock making us both feel pleasures we haven’t had for a year.

Jerome rubs his fingers against the blood on the man’s wound and covers his hand in the thick red liquid. He proceeds to trail his hand down my body making a line from my breast, to my stomach, and right above my crotch. “Ah you’re such a good girl. You’re going to cum aren’t you? Go on doll. Cum for me.” I do as he says and release on him and seconds he fills me up with his own cum.

Jerome moves my hair out of the way and kisses me. “You’re mine. Don’t be so stupid to think otherwise. No other man looks at you. Ever! Understood?” He caresses my cheek with a smile. “Yes J.” He laughs and picks me up. “Then why don’t we make up for lost time? Sound good?” I smile and kiss his nose. “Sounds perfect.”

Originally posted by bonelotus

Liability (Part 1)

A/N: FINALLY posting something. This is based off a recent even that happened in my life and I kinda needed to write it all down…let me know what you think! Especially since I haven’t written in forever! 

Dean x Reader, Sam, Jody, Claire

Word Count: 1000+

Warnings: Angst, Swearing

The two of you had avoided each other for weeks.

What went from hurtful words spewed at you in the heat of the moment, to you needing time, which then eventually led to the art of stonewalling that the two of you perfected in. And now here you were with this awful knot in your throat, your mind curled in on itself, two hands firmly holding the steering wheel, driving in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. You couldn’t even remember what the two of you had been arguing about in the first place, but the overwhelming sense of not being of any use to him, of being an inconvenience, a liability, was enough to have you putting as much distance as you possibly could from Lebanon, Kansas.

Keep reading

the foxes as scottish tweets
  • dan wilds: group chats are brilliant man, one minute yer slagging some poor cunt off n the next yer aw trying tae solve the meaning ae life
  • kevin day: would honestly rather look at multiple pictures ae somecunts cock than their baby photos #nohomo
  • andrew minyard: "u canny hate someone forever" aye a can watch me
  • matt boyd: do u no just look at your pals and wonder how theyve made it this far in life and how stupidity hasny killed them yet
  • aaron minyard: dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a playstation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae
  • allison reynolds: dont get people moaning about folk being spoiled, as if you'd be like naw Da you keep that BMW, al get the bus coz am an independent woman
  • nicky hemmick: a feel like such a catfish when ppl like my pic from the night before n am lyin half deed in bed with a junkie bun n a face full a sudocrem
  • renee walker: thy type of people who say shit like "girls over ___ weight shouldnt post selfies" are an actual human bollock
  • neil josten: "huvin one of they days" aye right man am huvin one of they lives

◆ —— CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

❛ They’re safe ❜  
❛ She’s/he’s/they’re safe, just like I promised. ❜
❛ And you get to die for her/him/them, just like you promised. ❜
❛ We’re all men/woman of our word. ❜
❛ This is either madness or brilliance. ❜
❛ It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide. ❜
❛ Me? I’m dishonest. ❜
❛ And a dishonest man/woman/person you can always trust to be dishonest. ❜
❛ It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly.. stupid. ❜
❛ This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught NAME. ❜
❛ You cheated. ❜
❛ Pirate. ❜
❛ You are without doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of. ❜
❛ What’s your purpose? ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships. ❜
❛ I confess, it is my intention to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out. ❜
❛ I said no lies. ❜
❛ I think he’s telling the truth. ❜
❛ If he/she/they were telling the truth, he/she/they wouldn’t have told us. ❜
❛ That’s not true. ❜
❛ I am not obsessed with treasure. ❜
❛ Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate. ❜
❛ You’re supposed to be dead! ❜
❛ The only rules that matter are these: what a man/woman/person can do and what a man/woman/person can’t do. ❜
❛ Pirate is in your blood, boy. ❜
❛ I can let you drown. ❜
❛ So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not? ❜
❛ Drink up, me hearties. Yo ho. ❜
❛ You burned all the food, the shade.. the rum! ❜
❛ Yes, the rum is gone. ❜
❛ Why is the rum gone? ❜
❛ It is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. ❜
❛ The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. ❜
❛ Do you really think there is even the slightest chance they won’t see it? ❜
❛ There’ll be no living with him/her/them after this. ❜
❛ I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against PLACE. ❜
❛ There are a lot of long words in there, Miss/Mr. ❜
❛ We’re naught but humble pirates. ❜
❛ What is it that you want? ❜
❛ I want you to leave and never come back. ❜
❛ I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Mean’s no. ❜
❛ I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you mean. ❜
❛ Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. ❜
❛ I feel nothing. ❜
❛ You best start believing in ghost stories, NAME. You’re in one. ❜
❛ No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder? ❜
❛ If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it. ❜
❛ I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that. ❜
❛ It never would have worked between us, darling. ❜
❛ I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t know. ❜
❛ How far are you willing to go to save her/him/them? ❜
❛ I’d die for her/him/them. ❜
❛ You need to find yourself a girl/boy, mate. ❜
❛ Who are you? ❜
❛ No one. He’s no one. Distant cousin of my aunt’s nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch. ❜
❛ A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around! ❜
❛ I love this song. ❜
❛ You’ll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main. ❜
❛ You stole my boat! ❜
❛ I borrowed. Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back. ❜
❛ It’s frightful bad luck to have a woman on board. ❜
❛ She/he/they go free. ❜
❛ You only got one shot. ❜
❛ We can’t die. ❜
❛ Don’t do anything stupid. ❜
❛ The crew are not to be harmed. ❜
❛ Curse you for breathin’, ya slack-jawed idiot. ❜
❛ You should know better than to wake a man when he’s sleepin’. It’s bad luck. ❜
❛ Savvy? ❜
❛ It’s not worth you getting beat again. ❜
❛ You didn’t beat me. ❜
❛ You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fair, I’d kill you. ❜
❛ That’s not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it? ❜
❛ The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers. ❜
❛ You know nothing of hell. ❜
❛ How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn’t work? ❜
❛ I’m actually feeling rather good about this. ❜
❛ You could surrender. ❜
❛ I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain. ❜
❛ You like pain? Try wearing a corset. ❜
❛ Wretch. ❜
❛ I couldn’t resist, mate. ❜
❛ That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen. ❜
❛ I cannot just step aside and let you escape. ❜
❛ This shot was not meant for you. ❜
❛ You’re pirates. ❜
❛ Hang the code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines, anyway. ❜
❛ You lying bastard! ❜
❛ Don’t dare impugn me honor, boy/girl! ❜
❛ I always liked you. ❜
❛ It goes with your black heart. ❜
❛ I really rather hoped we were past all this. ❜
❛ Perhaps you’ll conjure up another miraculous escape, but I doubt it. ❜
❛ Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try not to do anything… stupid. ❜
❛ Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision. ❜
❛ Any man who falls behind, is left behind. ❜
❛ Take what you can! Give nothin’ back. ❜
❛ I hardly believe in ghost stories. ❜
❛ We are cursed men. ❜
❛ Will you be saving her/him then? ❜
❛ I can’t swim. ❜
❛ I’m watching over you. ❜
❛ I should have told you from the moment I met you. I love you. ❜
❛ Hang him. ❜
❛ Keep your guns on him, men. ❜
❛ How did you escape last time? ❜
❛ This man/woman/person saved my life. ❜
❛ One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. ❜
❛ Come out… and we promise we won’t hurt you. ❜
❛ I invoke the right of parlay. ❜
❛ I can’t breathe. ❜
❛ You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before? ❜
❛ I had a dream about you last night. ❜
❛ You don’t want to be doing that, mate. ❜
❛ I’m curious. After killing me, what is it you’re planning on doing next? ❜
❛ Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? ❜
❛ You forget your place. ❜
❛ So, this is where your heart truly lies? ❜
❛ I already feel like a fool. ❜
❛ I admire a person who’s willing to do whatever’s necessary. ❜
❛ You’re a smart man/woman/person, but I don’t entirely trust you. ❜
❛ I’m not sure I deserved that. ❜
❛ I may have deserved that. ❜
❛ You’re safe now. ❜
❛ You’re despicable. ❜
❛ I saved your life, you saved mine. We’re square. ❜
❛ I can get you out of here. ❜
❛ I’d need a lot more to drink. ❜
❛ It was a good plan.. up ‘till now. ❜
❛ Do not make the mistake in thinking you are the only man here who cares for NAME. ❜
❛ Is there a problem between us? ❜
❛ Every decision you’ve made has only brought us from bad to worse. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜
❛ I’m not entirely sure that I’ve had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. ❜
❛ He’s still breathing. ❜
❛ Easy on the goods, darling. ❜

Spiders (Tom Holland x Reader)

Request: Could you maybe write an imagine with Tom Holland (if you’re not too busy)? 💕 There’s a spider in their apartment and he’s like really freaking out and the reader teases him non-stop about it with him being the new spiderman and all. He’s a bit grumpy and pouts all the time. And a cuddle / make out -session at the end, maybe? 😊


As soon as she heard the crash, she hurried to the kitchen.
She didn’t know what to expect, but it was definitely not Tom in the corner, his eyes fixated on something that was on the counter and a plate broken on the floor.
‘’What happened?’’ she asked, walking slowly towards the broom in order to clean the floor.
‘’There’s a…’’ Tom started, scared, ‘’there’s a huge spider near the sink.’’
She tried not to laugh, covering her face with her hair so he wouldn’t see her smile.
‘’Did you seriously break a plate because you were afraid of a spider, Spider-man?’’
He blushed at the way she phrased it, trying to find a way to make him look less pathetic.
‘’It’s huge’’ he whispered. ‘’Can you kill it for me?’’
‘’Do you really want me to kill it, Spider-man?’’
He nodded his head and stared at her as she approached the spider, hearing her chuckle when she saw it.
‘’It’s the tiniest spider in the world, Thomas! How can you be afraid of it?’’ she asked.
He kept quiet and waited for her to kill it, although she ended up taking it with a napkin and throwing it out the window.
‘’I can’t believe you get paid to be Spider-man and were afraid to kill that one’’ she said while closing the window, looking at him with a smile on her face.
‘’Can you stop teasing me?’’ he begged. ‘’I’m afraid of them, that’s all.’’
She laughed and walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
‘’You’re lucky I love you’’ she whispered.
He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her, leading her towards the couch in the living room.
‘’Do you want to cuddle?’’ he whispered as he threw the both of them onto the couch, already knowing the answer.
She hummed a yes and closed her eyes as he ran a hand down her hair, no spiders scaring him at last.

how do people just stop shipping larry ? im genuinely curious like how do you stop feeling so overwhelmed over them ? how do you stop looking at them fondly ? how do you just forget everything and move on ? honestly i can think about stuff that happened years ago and still be like, “wow they really … did that …”, i still cry over larry moment videos and songs related to them ??? still the one, home, i want to break free, etc. = automatically sobbing, the tattoos still fuck me up !!! these two have a part of my soul forever man im never going anywhere.