how can i do that if nobody can find me

Fanon Lotor be like

i am not even sorry just take this

Studio Ghibli Sentence Meme
  • “Now I have something I want to protect. It’s you.”
  • “I’m not afraid to die!”
  • “You cannot change fate. However, you can rise to meet it, if you so choose.”
  • “They say that the best blaze brightest when circumstances are at their worst.”
  • “Fear and anger only make it grow faster.”
  • “I think I can handle it.”
  • “Here’s another curse for you - may all your bacon burn.”
  • “Don’t worry! Stay right where you are, I’m coming to get you! You’re gonna be fine, I won’t let him hurt you.”
  • “I need something of yours. How ‘bout your eyes?”
  • “We gotta get out of here! We’re gonna get in trouble!”
  • “You, you sabotaged me! Look! Look at what you’ve done to my hair! Look!”
  • “No more killing. It has to stop!”
  • “You sound ghastly, like some 90-year-old woman.”
  • “Guys, don’t take that food! We’re gonna get in trouble!”
  • “Fight ‘em! C’mon!”
  • “Smile so we can make a good impression.”
  • “We each need to find our own inspiration. Sometimes it’s not easy”
  • “I finally get a bouquet and it’s a goodbye present. That’s depressing.”
  • “Life is suffering. It is hard. The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep living.”
  • “Sorry, it looks like you’re involved.”
  • “Oh, my baby! Are you all right? Are you emotionally traumatized?”
  • “Now I’m trying to look inside myself and find out how I did it.”
  • “Leave before it gets dark.”
  • “Once you do something, you never forget. Even if you can’t remember.”
  • “Cut off a wolf’s head and it still has the power to bite.”
  • “It’s all so familiar yet I know I’ve never been here before. I feel so at home.”
  • “Now I’m trying to look inside myself and find out how I did it.”
  • “I suggest you surrender. There is no ship coming to rescue you.”
  • “I had no idea that my rage could drive me to kill.”
  • “These days, there are angry ghosts all around us - dead from wars, sickness, starvation - and nobody cares.” 
  • “A heart’s a heavy burden.”
  • “Please! You must stop!”
  • “Well, well, well… hello kitty.”
    “You can’t be busy - you’re five!”
  • “So you say you’re under a curse? So what? So’s the whole damn world.”
  • “ I have really had enough of your incredible stupidity.”
  • “Lamebrain! They made an escape! Now step on it!”
  • “I didn’t want them to kill you.”
  • “It’s fun to move to a new place. It’s an adventure.”
  • “Welcome the rich man, he’s hard for you to miss. His butt keeps getting bigger, so there’s plenty there to kiss!”
  • “You shouldn’t be here! Get out!”
  • “He said Mom was ugly, now go get him!”
  • “Kill him and you’ll be famous.”
  • “I’ve seen him do this once before when a girl dumped him.”
  • “S/He’s alive. There goes that dream.”
  • “That was the night I died.”
  • “I’d rather be a pig than a fascist.”
  • “You don’t remember your name?”
  • “Don’t be afraid, I just want to help you.”
  • “Poor kids. I’ll really miss them.”
  • “I don’t fight for honor. I fight for a paycheck.”
  • “ No, No, No! Don’t do this! Help! Help! Crazy lady with the shovel!”
  • “She was once quite beautiful, so I decided to pursue her, then I realized she wasn’t, so then, as usual, I ran away.”
  • “You’re in love. Don’t deny it, you’ve been sighing all day”
  • “She never woke up again.”
  • “You blubber heads! I’m not runnin’ a luxury cruise! Now get to work!”
  • “Why does everything that’s good for you have to taste so bad?”
  • “Whatever you don’t want me to clean, better hide it now!”
  • “This is our little secret. You tell anyone and I’ll rip your mouth off.”
  • “I give up. I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful.”
  • “If I lose my magic, that means I’ve lost absolutely everything.”
  • “ It’s… you’re scaring me. I have this weird feeling you’re going to leave. ”
  • “There’s a demon inside you.”
  • “Don’t get alarmed but I’m being followed. Act normal.”
  • “Don’t worry, I’ve got four-wheel drive.”
  • “This is what hatred looks like! This is what it does when it catches hold of you! It’s eating me alive, and very soon it will kill me!”
  • “Smooth. Very smooth. You definitely know how to make a good first impression.”
  • “Everyone fears their own mortality.”
  • “Play with me or I’ll break your arm!”
  • “I gotta get out of this place. Someday I’m getting on that train.”
  • “Wait give us a minute! This is clearly harassment.”
  • “Why do fireflies have to die so soon?”
  • “There you are, sweetheart. Sorry I’m late. I was looking everywhere for you.” 
  • “When you’re going to kill a god, let someone else do your dirty work.”
  • “Why did you stop me from killing her?”
  • “When I saw you, I just wanted to find a way to protect you.” 
  • “One thing you can always count on is that hearts change.”
  • “Tell me while you’re still alive!”
  • “This is a tomb for the both of us.”
  • “If nobody comes in, I’m gonna have to eat pancakes forever and be fat, fat, fat! And what am I supposed to do about that?”
  • “Even if you were a woman, you’d still be an idiot!”
  • “What do you say we give 'em a little demonstration of how fast we can run, huh?”
  • “HAM!”

and then there was me, a queer girl in the catholic church with traditional parents. i grew up with a fingernail caught in my throat. i changed the words to songs so i’d be singing about boys. i was scared of “gay”. my mother told me it meant happy but i knew it meant being pushed to the floor of the bus. i remember my bible school teacher telling us that the greatest sin a woman can have is not giving a man her love. i remember realizing i liked girls and putting it in a box i labelled dirty and couldn’t bring myself to touch. when i came out i had to ask if my parents still loved me, like the idea of their acceptance ended where my sexuality began. they pull back when i accidentally slip and admit i like a girl. they promise the church doesn’t hate us, just doesn’t let us get married under god’s roof with god present. oh it’s a fine marriage, we accept it, but technically in the eyes of the church i’m living in sin. it would be better if i liked men. when i was 7 i was sure i was going to unhappily marry a man just to make my parents happy. at 23 i might marry a man just to make my parents happy.

god was this hard thing we couldn’t figure out how to handle. god came beyond the doors of the church. my god answered me at night but reminded me to cower. my god killed my brothers and sisters in the hands of others. how am i to reconcile that god that felt like love and belonging with the god called down in conversion camps. how am i to say i love the light of god when i have seen it burn the flesh of others.

i watch it still. for a while i was spitting and hissing and wouldn’t let god near me. i think it was better then, when i had shut my doors to the idea of it. once i tried to find god again i found myself desperately lost in the forest.

i was always so alone in church. always different. it wasn’t until i mentioned it once in an online chat that i found someone else who had gone through the same thing. how terrible, to form a community of people who have all been cast out. how powerful.

we, together, discussing at two a.m if god is real and if she is where she begins and ends. my brothers and sisters and family - we are all so strong for having survived this. for having been spat out by what should have accepted us. that first community. that first slap. the book that taught us not all books are homes. the book that i spent hours combing over looking for where my flaws were entombed. that curse that keeps following us, doggedly, just when we thought we shook it off - watching others take god as an excuse to punish us, to put into law our discrimination, to enact and enforce violence against us. “god loves you,” we were told. is this what god looks like? our first relationship with abuse?

i am stuck with an eternity of questions. can we find our own god? can we find her in each other? do we leave god entirely, and just find love in the stories of us lost lambs? is god worth it? was the word of god really to ruin us? is god even to blame for any of this, or is this how humans are when they find something to hit? 

all i know is this: i am not alone. and if you’re like me, come to me. talk. i’ll listen. god only knows nobody else did.

[image description: a graphic featuring text laid over two boxes of different shades of blue.

the first box is smaller and contains two headings, “So your buddy’‘s disabled:” followed by “How Can I Help?” in quotation marks.

the second box is larger and contains a list of five subheadings and descriptions, which are as follows:

1. Pity parties are boring. I don’t need you to tell me how awful my life must be or how sorry you are that I have to deal with it. I don’t care. I’m doing exactly the same as everyone else - managing with what I’ve got.

2. Don’t assume I’m incapable. I can still open doors for myself and hold a conversation. Even with a crutch. Blind-blowing, I know. It’s frankly a little insulting how quickly people will rush to ‘help’ me when I’m using a mobility aide. If you’re not sure, then ask first! Or alternatively, wait for me to ask you.

3. Let me grab you on the stairs. Stairs fuckin’ suck and I may have to grab something very quickly in order to avoid collapsing. Sometimes that something may be you and I am always very grateful for your presence in this situation.

4. Meet in accessible spaces. If you choose to sit somewhere I can’t get to, i.e. upstairs, then I’m left with three options: a) I kick up a fuss and make you move, b) I get hurt by forcing myself to join you, or c) I sit on my own. None of these options are ideal for any of us but they could all be avoided if you’d sat somewhere else.

5. Listen to me. My condition and how I’m feeling with it changes from day to day, and what was fine yesterday might not be today. I will always try my best to communicate what I can and can’t manage; all you need to do is keep an open mind and listen to what I’m telling you.]

Not all of these points will apply to everyone with a disability, but certainly the 1st, 2nd and 5th should apply to almost everyone. I often find that nobody really knows what to do when they discover that I’m disabled, and I’m often asked “how can I help?” but never have much of an answer, so I finally thought I’d put together a masterlist for my friends to take a look at.

DannyMay Day Five: Moment in time/clocks

…He always gets a feeling first. Like the air shifts around him. A disturbance if you will. He knows it’s really bad when, coupled with The Feeling, all his clocks stall for a single second. He turns on his monitor. The nagging will not go away.

Daniel is up to something

He finds his young charge brooding by his school locker. His friends standing next to him. He can feel it down to his ghostly tail. Daniel is going to do something, what, he can’t decide. There are too many possibilities.

“Danny are you sure you want to go through with this?”

“Yeah man, this seems a bit drastic, even for you”

“I’m just so done with this town! How can nobody tell it’s me after three whole years of saving their collective ass!? I mean come on! I’m sticking my arm through a locker!”

As he said, Daniel has made his arm intangible and is rummaging through his locker. Nobody seems to notice.

“I should just come to school as Phantom in my regular clothes”

“Dude, with your luck people would think you’re trying to copy Phantom”

Daniel appears to be quite offended by that statement. Yelling things like “how can I copy myself as myself”

“Hey at least you have your parents on your side this time around”

Clockwork chuckles, his charge can be quite the drama queen. Daniel proceeds to bang his head against the locker.

The school day rolls by and nothing out of the ordinary has happened Yet. Clockwork knows better, “The Feeling” has not dissipated. However a tingle races down his spine as lunch time approaches.


“Oh no”

The boy he calls Dash is angrily making his way towards Daniel. Something about a test he failed and misplaced aggression. Clockwork scowls, Daniel seems resigned to the oncoming assault. The entirety of the cafeteria looking on. However something in his eyes changes. He stands.

“Dash I’m not in the mood for your BS right now”

“Who do you think you’re talking to Fen-tina

Clockwork scowls, this brute of a boy better watch himself. He may only interfere when absolutely necessary, but no neanderthal will lay an unjust finger upon his son-young charge, he meant young charge. Daniel clenches his fists.

“You know what Dash, I don’t care just leave me alone or you’re gonna regret it”

The hulking boy grins like the cat that got the cream. Clockwork’s “Feeling” intensifies. He knows the unforeseeable event will happen soon.

“What are you gonna do about it Fen-tonio?

Briefly Daniel’s eyes glow green. He looks about ready to leap at the boy. Clockwork secretly hopes this is the timeline where he does. In a deathly serious voice Daniel responds

“you don’t want to know”

the brute appeares to be taken aback by the sudden shift in the atmosphere. The crowd seems to back away a step. Daniel commands respect, and exudes lethality. Clockwork smirks. That’s the strength his young charge is admired for all throughout the Ghost Zone. Daniel’s Ghost Sense goes off. The children seem perplexed by the smoke exiting his mouth. He smirks. “The Feeling” reaches its peek.

“Anyway, I wish I could stay and finish this little exchange but…”

bright rings of light appear at his waist. His friends face palm. The students gasp in surprise and jump back. The Dash boy stumbles on a near by chair. The English teacher gasps from his position at the door. Daniel grins almost manically. Clockwork roars with laughter for the first time in eons.

As the rings travel up and down his body, leaving behind black and white jumpsuit. Realization strikes the English teacher who looks about ready to faint. The students one by one come to the same conclusion. The brute of a boy sitting on the floor looks on in frozen astonishment. Finally the rings end their journey. Danny Phantom stands before the school in all his heroic glory. He looks Dash in the eye.

“…I have ghost butt to kick, and I don’t hurt civilians, no matter how much of a jerk they can be”

he grabs his friends by the arms and phases up and out through the roof. Clockwork is wiping away tears of laughter. His young charge is always entertaining to watch. Instead of following Daniel’s exit, Clockwork surveys the damage. The Dash boy looks ready to vomit. The English teacher actually fainted. The students squealed, groaned, and sighed. A redhead kid seems to be shouting about how he knew it all along. All in all nothing too bad that would require him to step in.

Clockwork turns off the Daniel monitor. His young charge is quite the sassy hero. The Feeling has evaporated. The revelation of his Ghost half was the grand event. Everything is back to normal within the Clock Tower. A knock at the door. Clockwork smiles and prepares his congratulations.

“All is as it should be”

Father to the Unknown: Part 5

Prompt: All you wanted was normal. But having a superhero amazon for a mother, and recently resurrected dead father pretty much made that impossible.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part4

The place she takes you is a hill, overlooking a practice field. You watch as your great aunt commands her troops, as though she never left. Your grandmother watches them for a few minutes before saying, “Our sisters were very impressed with your medical knowledge.”

    A small smile plays on your lips, “It’s the one way I can contribute.”

    She smirks, “I saw your arrows fly in the cave. Your shots were dead on. Amazing really. Did your mother teach you?”

    You cross your arms against your chest, “She taught me the basics, but I was never very good at fighting. I don’t have the heart for it.”

    “You take after me then.” You raise an eyebrow in question, and she continues, “I know how to fight, and I do it quite well, but I have no thirst for battle. Not like my sister or my daughter.”

    The two of you begin walking. “I watched plenty of good men die in the Second Great War. I’ve seen even more die in the streets at home, but a fairly wise man once told me, We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn’t mean everybody, but, if we can’t find a way to live with that, Next time… maybe nobody can be saved.”

    “Wise words. Do you have many interactions with man’s world?”

    The question takes you by surprise, but you know she’s trying, “All of my interactions are with man’s world. Just not the same one my mother lives in.”

    A look of puzzlement overcomes her face, “I don’t understand.”

    You smile, “I live in a sort of … parallel world. It’s different in many ways, but still similar. I found it thanks to a friend of mine, and his gambling obsession. Nearly got himself killed, but I convinced the man who came to kill him that he wasn’t worth it.”

    She stares at you, “You killed him?”

    You shake your head, “No. I married him.”

    She pauses, “You’re married?”

    You let out a little laugh, and nod, “About six years now. I have two daughters. Minerva, who we call Minnie, and Natalia.”

    Her mouth opens and closes several times, before she asks, “Does your mother know?”

    You nod, “She knows. She was there for the wedding, and the births of the girls. She doesn’t stay too long, but she visits every few months thanks to John.”

    “Your husband?”

    You shake your head, “No John’s my idiot friend who is also a sorcerer.”

    “Your life is very complicated.”

    You laugh, “You have no idea.”

    “And what is your husband like?”

    “He’s a good man. A good man who the world has tried to tear down more than once, but who keeps getting back up. He’s with the girls right now, probably teaching them to shoot.”

    “He is a soldier?”

    You nod, “He’s an archer. Mom says he’s one of the best she’s ever seen.”

    “A high compliment coming from your mother.” Before she can say more, someone calls out, “Hippolyta.”

    You turn to see Antiope striding towards you. Your grandmother waits for her and so do you, “Any progress?”

    She shakes her head, “None. Many of our best archers will killed in the initial attack. It was planned that way, so we could not call for help.”

    An inkling settles over you, and understanding follows, your grandmother hadn’t been looking to get to know you, she been testing out the waters on your archery skills for some reason.

Slowly she turns to you, “We need help for the coming battle, and the only way to get it is to shoot an arrow over the horizon.”

    “Excuse me?”

    Your grandmother takes a deep breath, “It was theorized that the gods would return in our hour of need to give us aid, if one belonging to the Amazons shot an arrow over the horizon. The gods would take that as their cue to return.”

    You scoff, “I’m good at precision, not strength.”

    “Clint could do it.” You turn to face your mother, your father and their friends walking beside her.

Your father’s brow furrows, “Who’s Clint?”

“Technically, you belong to each other.” Your mother continues.

Your hands go to your hips, “You want me to bring him here on a technicality.”

“He also belongs to the girls.” She adds.

“Mom, don’t drag them into this. He’s still …”

“I know. I know what that phony god did to him. I also know that he’s trying to move forward. And this may very well help.”

    Your father’s eyes dart back and forth between you and your mother several times before he asks again, “Who’s Clint?”

    It’s your grandmother who answers, “Your son-in-law.” She then turns to you, “Would he be willing to do this?”

    You scrub your hands over your eyes, “He’d want to bring back up.”

    “More men?”

    “And a few women.”

    Her eyes flicker to Antiope and your aunt shrugs, “At the very least it would give us more fighters. We need everyone we can get. That gate will not hold forever.”

    You turn to your mother and glare, she smiles, “Tell him to bring the girls. They should meet your father.”

    You throw your hands in the air before walking away from the group. You walk farther and farther into the jungle, until you reach a clearing. Once there, you flick on the SAT phone and dial the number, “Hello.”

    You smile at the sound of the voice on the other end, “Hi Clint.”

    “I was wondering when you’d call, John got here a few hours ago, and he and Wanda have been talking almost non-stop.”


    You can hear the smile in his voice, “Well, they had to stop for the tea party.”

    You smile, “Yeah, well tell him to break away, I need pick up.”

    His voice turns serious, “Are you okay?”

    “There’s mystical shit up the wazoo, and I need your help.”

    “LIke fixing an appliance kind of help?”

    “Like an Avengers sort of help.”

    “I’ll make the calls, and have John get us there.”

    You nod, even though he can’t see it, “Have him bring the girls too. He can get them off if shit hits the fan, but …”

    “You sure?”

    “Not at all, but I’m following my gut.”

    “Good. Your gut is never wrong. Fury even swears by it.” You laugh and he says, “I’ll be there soon, then we can fight off the family together.”

    “That sounds amazing.”

Now that Jack has ran away, and is scared and confused I would like for Rowena to find him

She can explain how to control power, stand up to him.  And if he starts to worry about hurting her she can be all ‘I’d like to see you try Sonny’

Until, until, Kelly Kline (who is actually Asmodeus shape-shifting), finds them.  And is all ‘Son, she’s evil.  She’s only in it for herself.  Come with me’

Note.  I did not, and still do not accept Rowena’s death.  Nobody gets up early enough in the morning to take her out

flatwoulds  asked:

Hi! I have to write an essay on Animal Exploitation in circuses/seaworld and such for one of my classes, and most of the sources I try to find are from PETA or affiliates of PETA. Do you know of any good articles or sites where i can get some accurate information from? thank you!

Hmmm. So, I looked through your blog to try to get a sense of where you’re coming from, and it seems like you’re in high school - which means that I’m going to base this response on the assumption that your teacher gave you a purposefully anti-captivity assignment (which is something I’ve seen more and more teachers going, and which is super frustrating because it only allows students to look at one side of a major controversy and then expects you to prove one side true). If you’ve got the flexibility to change your thesis a little bit (for example, to investigating if a company is exploitative instead of arguing that they are) I would highly suggest doing that, because you’ll find way more information and have a much more interesting paper at the end of it. I

I don’t know how much your school has taught you yet to think critically about sources, but it’s worth noting that the sources you can find on a topic will tell you something about the political / real world context of that topic. You said you’ve been looking up sources for animal exploitation in various contexts, and all you’re coming up with is results from extremist groups who are known for lying and manipulating information. If there’s nothing that shows up on a couple of other cursory google searches, that tells you something - in this case, it hints that no definitive answer on the topic exists, and more importantly, that either there isn’t enough research for people to publish or nobody not an extremist group supports the stance you’re looking at strongly enough to publish about it. This is something you can talk to your teacher about - any good teacher will listen to ‘hey I can’t actually find reliable sources for this, what do you want me to do’ if you can back it up with sources about how PETA and animal rights extremist groups and how they manipulation (there are lots of these, you can start with the website petakillsanimals as a jumping off point, but I would use what they talk about to find news articles or other pieces on the same topics because they’re also a radical, biased source). 

There’s also not going to be a lot of publications on the other side of the issue - things defending no, these places aren’t exploitative. That’s partially because it’s a super nuanced issue, and it’s also because the non-research parts of the animal world are just not academic in nature. People are generally working with animals rather than writing about them, and the publications that do occur tend to be focused at other members of the field rather than communicating with the public (that’s the job of the PR departments, apparently, and it’s stupid and they’re doing a really bad job of educating people which is partly why this blog exists). So the question then becomes: how do you find more sources and viewpoints on the topic when the specific issue you’re looking to learn about isn’t one that gets published on directly?

Here’s where I suggest you start. If you’re going to talk about something being exploitative, you have to define what exploitation is and why something is exploitative. Generally with animals, the arguments people use to back up claims of abuse or exploitation are low welfare, being under human control / used for human wants, not being in nature (with the assumption nature is nicer and better for animals), that sort of thing. I’d start looking into Seaworld or Ringling or whomever you’re focusing on with an eye to those issues - do the animals have good welfare? Has it been studied? If not, are the similar studies with that species or another species in the same environment? I’d look into some animal ethics, stuff about human use, and definitely look into the differences between the lives of animals in the wild vs in captivity in terms of average lifespan, injury, reproduction, that sort of thing. You can absolutely search the archive of this blog (use the search bar on the blog page, not the tags, because then you can search the text of posts) to get an idea of where to start. 

Now, you’re in high school, so I can’t imagine your teacher is expecting you to be reading academic publications - they’re dense and hard to get ahold of. So, where do you find this information? Sadly, I don’t think this blog will count as a primary source for most teachers. So, you have a couple options. You can get on google scholar and start plugging in keywords until you find authors who seem like they’re writing on what you’re looking for, and then search their name to find out if they’ve written books - those will generally be written for the public and be much easier to read. You can also get a list of what information you’re looking for and some keywords and talk to your librarian for help. 

When you’re using these sources, just remember - look up the author. Look up their political associations and memberships and see if they have a bias on the topic. Bias doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t use them as a resource, but it’s something to take into consideration when developing conclusions or when trying to figure out why statements between sources are contradictory. 

Good luck!

Belong to the world

“I know you want your money

‘Cause you do this every day

The way you doubt your feelings

And look the other way”

This is what you do for a living; if you could stop I’m sure you would. You know how to turn your emotions on and off and keep your professionalism. 

“it’s something I relate to

Your gift of nonchalance

Nobody’s ever made me fall in love

With this amount of touch”

I can understand how you can be so dismissive and have little to no affection for anyone. I’m exactly the same way. But even still, I find myself becoming addicted to you, and all you had to do was touch me

“I’m not a fool
I just love that you’re dead inside
I’m not a fool, I’m just lifeless too
But you to taught me how to feel
When nobody ever would
And you taught me how to love
What nobody ever could”

I’m not foolish, i know better to believe your lies. You and I are more alike than you may think. I don’t have feelings for anyone else, nor could they ever develop. But being with you has changed my perspective on how I feel about love, relationships, being with someone. I’ve never had that before. 

“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”

I should leave you alone. I should treat you the way you treat others, the way others treat you, you could never be mine. But I want to be yours. I want you to love me the way you did tonight. I want to belong only to you. I want you to only belong to me, but you belong to everyone


“And I know that I’m saying too much
Even though I’d rather hold my tongue, yeah”

I’m expressing my feelings too verbally; usually I’m timid and quiet but I feel like I just need to let you know where I’m coming from.

“And I’ll pull you closer holding on to
Every moment till my time is done, yeah”

For as long as I can, I’ll never let you go. This feeling is so unfamiliar and yet I’m addicted to it, I don’t want it to stop, it can’t even though I know it’ll only last for a moment.

“And this ain’t right, you’ve been the only one to make me smile
In such long, I’ve succumbed to what I’ve become, baby”

This shouldn’t be, but it is. I’ve never had someone I barely know personally have such a powerful influence on me. You’ve managed to change my mood from terrible to fantastic in an instant. How? What are you? Have you been brought to me for a specific purpose, or are you just here to help me escape for a small while?

“I’m not a fool
I just love that you’re dead inside
I’m not a fool, I’m just lifeless too
But you to taught me how to feel
When nobody ever would
And you taught me how to love
What nobody ever could”

“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”


“You belong to the world

You belong to the loneliness of filling every need”

You don’t belong to me, but rather the empliness I fell when I’m alone; you fill my void and give me reason to breathe.

“You belong to the world, you belong to the world
You belong to the temporary moments of a dream”

You don’t belong to me, you belong to my fantasy, my REM sleep, my nightmares, my split second of happiness…

You will never be mine…

But I will always be yours…


“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”


“You belong to the world, you belong to the world

You belong to the world, you belong to the world”

falsettos act two sentence starters

these are some lyrics from the broadway revival of the musical falsettos. feel free to edit pronouns. some of the things on here may be considered nsfw. act one.

  • ❛ this story needs an ending. ❜
  • ❛ give these handsome boys a hand! ❜
  • ❛ what a world we live in! ❜
  • ❛ pretty boys are in demand. ❜
  • ❛ it’s about time to grow up, don’t ya think? ❜
  • ❛ i’ll try explaining just what you’ve missed. ❜
  • ❛ when am i gonna get over this? ❜
  • ❛ since this is the last loving thing we’ll probably ever do together… ❜
  • ❛ stop with the prayers. ❜
  • ❛ isn’t he too much? ❜
  • ❛ i don’t want the girls i should want. ❜
  • ❛ we really wish he’d take this more seriously. ❜
  • ❛ you’re looking sweeter than a doughnut. ❜
  • ❛ is he still queer? ❜
  • ❛ sit in front of me, i wanna see the hair line! ❜
  • ❛ it’s the only physical imperfection i can find. ❜
  • ❛ make a breath, then let it out and swing. ❜
  • ❛ even maniacs can charm. which he does, so beware. ❜
  • ❛ would it be possible to see you or to kiss you or to give you a call? ❜
  • ❛ i don’t understand. ❜
  • ❛ if i don’t like ( name ) it’s because my ex sure does. ❜
  • ❛ for the first time in months nobody died. ❜
  • ❛ i can’t fucking deal with that. ❜
  • ❛ do you know how great my life is? ❜
  • ❛ all i want is you. ❜
  • ❛ anything you do is alright. ❜
  • ❛ you’re gonna blame me? you have paintings of dicks! ❜
  • ❛ nothing that gives them pleasure i’ll do. ❜
  • ❛ you are gonna kill your mother. ❜
  • ❛ rather than humiliate her, killing your mother is the merciful thing to do. ❜
  • ❛ if i said i love him, you might think my words come cheap. ❜
  • ❛ let’s just say i’m glad he’s mine. ❜
  • ❛ if i’m a bitch, well, i am what i am. ❜
  • ❛ something bad is happening. ❜
  • ❛ so, you’ve had a bad day. ❜
  • ❛ no big deal, the game is yours. ❜
  • ❛ i’m sorry. ❜
  • ❛ i was sure growing up i would live the life my mother assumed i’d live. ❜
  • ❛ life is never what you planned. ❜
  • ❛ you had to see yourself a few days back, i had a heart attack! ❜
  • ❛ it’s days like this i almost believe in god. ❜
  • ❛ gee, you look awful. ❜
  • ❛ don’t let me win. ❜
  • ❛ we’ll wait until you make a decision. ❜
  • ❛ why don’t we tell him that we don’t have the answers? ❜
  • ❛ who’s believe that we two would end up as lovers? ❜
  • ❛ please don’t get morbid. ❜
  • ❛ hit me if you need to. slap my face or hold me til winter. ❜
  • ❛ think of me around, sleeping soundly in our bed. ❜
  • ❛ there’s nothing to fear, just stay right here. ❜
  • ❛ i love you. ❜
  • ❛ here’s the good part: at least death means i’ll never be scared about dying again. ❜
  • ❛ he pins me up against the wall and kisses me like crazy. ❜
  • ❛ close your eyes while we redecorate. ❜
  • ❛ kid, do you know how proud i am? ❜
  • ❛ what would i do if i had not met you? ❜
  • ❛ once i was told that all men get what they deserve. who the hell then threw this curve? ❜
  • ❛ all your life you’ve wanted men. ❜
  • ❛ i left my kid and left my wife to be with you. ❜
  • ❛ do you regret? ❜
  • ❛ i’d do it again. ❜
  • ❛ i’d like to believe that i’d do it again and again and again. ❜
  • ❛ how am i to face tomorrow after being screwed out of today? ❜
  • ❛ we’re a teeny tiny band. ❜
  • ❛ lovers come and lovers go. ❜
  • ❛ this is where we take a stand. ❜
Random Lyrical Starters
  • “It’s time for me to let it go.”
  • “I ain’t got no crystal ball.” 
  • “Well I had a million dollars but I spent it all.”
  • “Daddy’s got a new 45.” 
  • “If he knows what’s good for him he best go run and hide.”
  • “I knew it from the start, baby when you broke my heart.” 
  • “You lied to me, all those times I said that I love you.” 
  • “Wearing dirty laundry, you gotta not.” 
  • “Is that what you call flirting?” 
  • “Is you afraid of blues clues?”
  • “I need a man, a man who can act like a man.” 
  • “I don’t get paid to babysit no one.”
  • “I see a red door, I want it painted it black.” 
  • “I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness go.” 
  • “I’ve seen it in the flight of birds, I’ve seen it in you.” 
  • “Just keep following the heart lines on your hand.”
  • “I need your love.” 
  • “When you were here for me I was not there for you.” 
  • “I was too blind to see now I don’t know what to do.” 
  • “I’ll be calling out to you, can you hear me?” 
  • “She’s got all the moves to make you give it up.” 
  • “Look into my eyes can’t you see they’re open wide.” 
  • “There’s no one else but you, would I lie to you?”
  • “Everyone always wants to know the truth.” 
  • “You will never find another girl/boy in this heart of mine.” 
  • “Nobody likes being played.” 
  • “Tell me how you tolerate the things you just found out about?” 
  • “We’ll never know why are we the ones who suffer.” 
  • “Let’s not start a fight.” 
  • “Can we laugh about it?” 
  • “Who am I kidding I know what I’m missing.”
  • “It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside.” 
  • “I’m not one of those who can easily hide.”
  • “I don’t have much money, but boy if I did. I’d buy a big house where we both could live.”
  • “Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen.”
  • “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now that you’re in the world.”
  • “Let me roam your body freely.”
  • “How deep is your love?”
  • “Only know you love her/him when you let her/him go.”
  • “Stick by me and I’ll stick by you.” 
  • “You are my fire, the one desire.” 
  • “But we are two world’s apart, can’t reach to your heart.” 
  • “Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a heartache.” 
  • “Now I can see that we’ve fallen apart from the way that it used to be.”
  • “Why am I always hit on by the boys I never like?” 
  • “I don’t want to be a priss, I’m just trying to be polite.” 
  • “You had me at hello then you opened up your mouth and that is when it started going south.”
  • “The heart is hard to translate it has a language of it’s own.”
  • “We keep behind closed doors, every time I see you I die a little more.” 
  • “Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls it’ll never be enough.”
  • “It’s obvious you’re meant for me, every piece of you it just fits perfectly.”
  • “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me.”
  • “Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I’m leaving my life in your hands.”
  • “People say I am crazy and that I am blind risking it all in a glance.”
  • “ Don’t care what is written in your history.”
  • “Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run it seems like we are meant to be.”

Unfaithful : Part Thirteen

Summary :
In the Pre-apocalypse , you went to your aunt Lucille’s house in Virginia to spend the summer there, but you fell in love with her husband Negan .

**drama - romance - angst- smut - betrayal**

Pairing : Negan x Female Reader OC.

Dedicated to @negansmainwife













Please let me know if you wether want to be tagged or untagged.

Warnings : language - smut .


This fic is about betrayal or adultery, call it what you want, please if you feel triggered about such thing don’t read. If not , you can be wether team y/n or team Lucille. LOL

Previous chapters :

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Negan pushed you against the wall, you emitted a low moan , his tongue traced your buttom lip , wanting you to grant him the access to yours. As a consequence, you complied and you parted between your lips, that’s when his tongue softly caressed yours . Negan took his time in kissing you, his languid moves making you more and more aroused, you could feel a tingle between your thighs, his hands were slowly tracing across your skin .
You could hear you heart pounding like a million drums in your ears, Negan was your hell and heaven at the same time. You wrapped your arms around his neck and
he hooked his hands under the straps of your dress and made it fall to the ground.
You and Negan didn’t break from the wet kiss though, he tightly gripped at your waist and pulled you towards his crotch, you could feel his erection growing. One of your hands fell off his neck to palm his bulge, as a result Negan let out a throaty sound and gently tugged at you lower lip.

You moaned in his mouth and squeezed more at the buldge, the sultry kiss and his big hands tracing across every inch of your back down to your lace clad ass and thighs made your folds dripping more. Suddenly, you just felt a sulty taste in your mouth, you opened your eyes and broke from the kiss gasping. You looked at his eyes and you could see tears in them.
“Negan! Are you crying? ?”
“Tears of joy baby, it’s not like me to get emotional but I thought I’ll never get to kiss or touch you again! Hell I thought I’ll never see you again !”
He turned around and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I left the town y/ n! I thought I’m leaving for good, but when I got your messages, I … I came back two days ago, I … I stayed in here trying what to do next! Till you spotted me and came to me!!”
He wiped his tears then he run his hand over his face down to his beard. You stood for a while watching him, processing what he said, then you took your shoes off and walked to him seductively swaying your hips as you purred.
“You came back for me? !”
Negan licked his lips as he took in your sexy appearance and nodded.
“Yeah baby! I came back for you!”
You stood few inches from him, stroking his hair while his fingertips tracing the skin of your belly then he pulled you and sucked and nipped at your flesh, you breathed out and arched your head back.
“Ah Negan! ”
“Call me Daddy!” Negan groaned.
“Daddy! ”
Negan’s hands went up and unclasped you bra, he tossed away then he looked up to your hardened tits.
“Motherfucking fuck!!! Those pink tits are going to be the fucking death of me!”
He took one of your nipples in his mouth and twirled his tongue around it while he rubbed his thumb on the other one.
“Oh God !” You screamed then you you peeled off his shirt.
Negan then palmed your wet sex, he hummed against your breast
“Oh baby girl, you’re already soaking! ” then he hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties and slid them down your thighs till they fell into your feet, you kicked them away.
He watched your pussy then placed a soft kiss on it while digging his nails on your exposed ass.
You pulled away a little then you knelt as you positioned yourself between his thighs. Negan looked at you, he knew what you wanted.
“Look, baby you don’t have to!”
“I want to, Daddy please!”
Negan nodded and you roughly pushed him back, his back laid on the matress.
You pulled his sweatpants and briefs altogether down to his ankles. Then you stroke his full erect length, Negan loudly moaned as he tightened his fist around the bedsheets.
You licked your lips, there was twinkle in your eyes when you watched the pre-cum dripping from his big long hard cock, you spread that pre-cum on his shaft making him groan even louder , seeing him trembling in anticipation under your touch was such a turn on, you could feel you’re flooding the ground with your juices already. You twirled your tongue on the tip of his dick then you sucked at it, you let go making a lewd “pop” sound, then you did again, after a while your head bobbed up and down as your saliva coated his cock , while your other hand massaged his balls.
“Oh fucking hell, fuck!!!! Yeah baby , keep sucking it , baby girl!!! Fucking shit!!! Ahhhhh I love how you pretty mouth is fucking me!!!”
You let go of his dick then you quickly straddled him, you didn’t want him to cum in your mouth, not until you feel that huge length inside you.
You carefully slid yourself on him as you grabbed his dick and guided into your entrance, both of you cried out when you felt him stretching you and you tightened around him.
“Fuck me Daddy!” You moaned.
Negan gripped your waist down at him, while you bounced up and down , with every bounce, he bucked his hips to meet yours, you arched your back and parted between your lips in a silent scream as you screw your eyes shut, as your hands grabbing at his forearms .
“Ah Daddy, oh God! Oh fuck!!”
Your moans drove Negan crazy.
“You want me to fuck you harder baby?”
“Yes Daddy!” You cried out.
Negan didn’t waste time, he got you off his dick and threw you on the matress next to him, he quickly kicked off his sneakers and pants . Once he’s completely naked , like you, he grabbed you by the waist and turn on your belly.
“Bend the fuck over!” He commanded
Surprisingly, you submitted real fast and you bent over as you were told.
He parted between your thighs and with zero warning he thrust inside of you, you gasped . You wanted to grasp his arm but he snapped it away.
“Stay fucking still! ” He gritted his teeth
Negan ’s jaws clenched as he plunged in and out mercilessly. Beads of sweat formed on his whole body, some of them dropped on your soft skin.
He roughly balled his fist around your hair, and pulled you to his chest, this position helped him to thrust deeper and harder, he was hitting that sweet spot.
His other hand pinched your nipples once in a while, sometimes he just digs his nails in your thigh or belly. Negan didn’t miss the chance of biting at your neck to mark you as his and you knew this definitely would leave bruises , and Jack would notice, especially it’s hot and you always wear thin material clothes but at that moment you didn’t give a shit about him or Lucille or the bruises on your skin.
And as if Negan felt that Jack crossed your mind, he roughly whispered in your ear.
“Does he fuck you the way I do? ”
You ignored his question , you just kept yourself focused on his fast and hard thrusts .
Negan pulled your hair harder and he painfully slowed down his thrusts.
“Answer the fucking question!” He growled.
“No!!! No!!! He didn’t! ” you whined as you backed your ass to him to feel more.
“No what?”
“No Daddy, he didn’t fuck me! And no one could do what you’re doing to me!”
“Are you gonna let him touch this pussy? ” He gave you one hard thrust then he stopped.
“No no!!!! My pussy is yours… please!”
“Please what?”
“Please Daddy!!” You tears started pouring out of your eyes.
“Who do you fucking belong to? ”
“You Daddy! Please. .!” You screamed.
Negan pushed you again to the matress, and lifted your ass up then he picked up the pace, thrusting in and out as he let out a string of curses.
“Fuck!!!!!” You moaned
The bed was creaking under you , and you could hear the lewd sound of his dick pumping into your wet folds, his balls slammed against your ass, and all this was like a symphony to your ears.
You could feel the burning feeling forming in your stomach
“Daddy, fuck me harder… I’m close!”
Negan slid a finger down to rub your clit in circles, you screamed at the sweet sensation, as his thrusts quickened .
“Come on baby girl, cum for Daddy, come fucking on! Let that tight pussy coat my big fat dick!!! Milk it baby!!! Oh fucking fuck!!! Your pussy is swallowing me!!”
Few dirty rough words coming out from his mouth was all you needed to reach your intense climax, your eyes rolled back and your toes curled as a loud scream slipped out of your mouth.
You shivered as your orgasm hit you in successive waves , while your inner walls clenched around Negan’s length, and your juices coated him . He came hard inside you “fucking hell!!!!” He shot his thick warm sperm into you, then he placed his sweaty forearm on your lower back as he twitched a little .
After you both rode out your orgasms, you fell into the matress gasping for air. Negan pulled you towards him, he grabbed the sheets to cover your naked body along with his and he nuzzled into your neck.
“I’m sorry if I was a little harsh on you!” He whispered.
“It’s ok, I asked for it!” You smiled while your fingers combed his hair.
“Negan, you really came back for me?” You added.
Negan shifted , and leaned on his elbow glaring down at you.
“Yes, I couldn’t stay away! ”
You cupped his cheek, and he kissed your palm then mumbled.
“Come with me! ”
“Where? ”
“Let’s go somewhere new! Somewhere where nobody can find us!!! We’ll live together and start over!”
You dropped your hand from his face then you turned to rest on your side.
“I … I can. .. how… I can’t do this to Lucille! Or Jack!”
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite! You just did!!!! Did you think about Lucille or Jack when we made love!???”
Negan growled as he pushed the sheets off and got up, he put his boxers and swatpants back on.
“I mean at least I fucking faced Lucille and told her that I can’t be with her , I fucking left her!!! I can’t live a lie and now you’re making me live another fucking one!” He rubbed his scruffy chin in frustration.
You adjusted yourself on the bed , covering your body with the sheets.
“What am I supposed to do Negan? Say, hi Lucille I fucked your husband, he left you because of me, sorry about that AUNT Lucille and oh ! I’m leaving with him!!” You yelled.
“First , it’s fucking true I want you but you have nothing to do with me leaving Lucille, I should have fucking do it years ago! And second , if you want me too and you wanna be with me, there will be no deception or lying. And once you’re mine you’re ALWAYS fucking mine, no fucking man gets to fucking touch you!!! And by that I mean Jack! You’ll break up with him! If you’re too scared to tell him the truth, you can leave that part for me, I’ll tell Lucille and Jack everything !”
“No! Lucille is still weak, she’s on meds!!!”
You pushed your covers off you then you knelt on the edge of the matress, extending your arms to Negan.
He took few steps towards you and pulled your naked sexy form to his bare chest.
You looked up at him .
“Give me time, once I make sure Lucille is physically and mentally much better, I’ll make you confront her, concerning Jack, I’ll make excuses so I won’t meet him, then I’ll just text him and tell him we’re over and then we’ll leave Virginia together, for good. Ok?” You smiled when you saw his features softening, it seemed that you managed to convince him with your plan.
He nodded then he leaned and captured your lips into a fevered kiss.
You pulled away from him then you spread between your legs .
“How about you take those pants off again and make me scream your name Daddy! ”
New Shipping Discourse

This is the only thing I am going to say about the new shipping discourse surrounding shatt, and you can take what you want of it and make the best decisions for yourself.

I’ve seen a lot of ridiculousness circulating about how people are saying to unfollow/block if you ship shatt. If you followed me for any amount of time, you know that I’m not really a shipper–I prefer the found family dynamic. I don’t even really ship shatt. But I just have to say, that I personally find this new discourse ridiculous.

You are allowed to find something uncomfortable without it being evil. Do I understand your reasons for not liking shatt? Sure. I can see where the confusion comes from. Nobody is saying that you have to like it. There are NOTPs for a reason. If shatt is that for you, then that’s cool.

But I personally don’t think that season 4 was any grounds for shatt to be off-limits, for these short reasons.

 1. When Matt flirts with Allura, it’s in a completely ridiculous manner that’s not supposed to be taken seriously. The whole sequence was meant to be a joke. 

2.Later, when they interact again, Matt is blushing and he rubs his head, like he’s embarrassed. To me, that scene read like he was embarrassed for flirting with her in the first place.

 3. When Shiro and Matt reunite, Matt is at a loss for words and calls Shiro sir. I personally actually thought that scene had a lot of character development because of how I interpreted it. The last time they saw each other, Shiro was sacrificing himself to save Matt. Shiro had pulled rank, and used it to get Matt to follow along with his plan. It was an incredibly tense and heartwrenching moment, and when they unite, that’s immediately what Matt thinks of, and he doesn’t know how to teat Shiro. It’s clear they were familiar, they spent months together in space for the Kerberos mission. My interpretation has nothing to do with shipping, even if shatt is off the table, then it still adds a lot of value to the scene.

 4. Matt was sent into space by the government. Not only was he on the Kerberos mission for months, he’s been in space on his own for at least a year, but since we don’t know the timeline from the start of Voltron or how long they’ve been doing this, it could be longer than that. You’re really telling me NASA sent a 14 year old into space? No that’s ridiculous. 

 If in the future there was explicit canon evidence that any of these things aren’t the case, then I’ll change my tune. But for now, I’m fine with shatt. It doesn’t bother me.

I also really want antis to think about this. I’m not saying you have to like the ship, and I’m not saying you have to hate it. But this black and white mentality is exhausting. 

Both hunay and shayllura are my NOTPs. I really dislike hunay, because by human standards Hunk is not conventionally attractive. He’s big, he’s dark, and he has hobbies that are stereotypically associated with women. So who do you want to pair him with? I think Shay is an interesting character, but she is not pretty by any means, at least not to humans. Are you saying that the best Hunk can do is the alien equivalent of an elephant? It really rubs me the wrong way. Why not Nyma or Plaxum, or Allura? Right, because they’re “too pretty for him.” Not in my house.

But the bigger reason why both hunay and shayllura are my NOTPs, is because Shay was enslaved her entire life. She had never seen the sky before, was forced to work without reprieve. She is emotionally immature, and nobody has ever shown her romantic interest before. You’re telling me that you ship her with either 1. The person who saved her planet and that she’s indebted to. or 2. The princess of the group who saved her planet and that she’s indebted to. You want to talk about power imbalances? That’s a very apparent power imbalance and it makes me very uncomfortable and that is why hunay and shayllura are my NOTPs.

But does that make every single hunay or shayllura shipper a terrible person, or those ships inherently bad? No, that’s ridiculous. They just make me uncomfortable, and that’s okay. Shatt making you uncomfortable is okay. But I am not blocking or unfollowing anyone who ships shatt, nor do I find it to be problematic at this time. I don’t even really ship shatt, and it’s kind of ridiculous that I had to make this post as people are frantically blocking and unfollowing each other.

Embracing the Suck

The title of this post was appropriated from one of my instructors and good friend Ken, whose writing I unfortunately can’t redirect you to since it doesn’t exist. Sorry!

I have been thinking a lot lately about the psychological side of fencing and specifically about self-improvement. There are a couple of skills I’ve managed to get quite good at. Fencing isn’t one of them, yet - but I am definitely a lot better than I was one year ago, applying similar strategies to skills I’ve learned in the past. There has always been a prevalent commonality in the way I approach the task mentally. 

This is a really long post, so if you are short on time, just skim to the bold parts.

The first thing to do is define your objective. You want to get good at something, simple enough, but useless bullshit as far as a real goal with a tangible measurable result goes. What’s getting good actually mean? Will you know when you’ve reached it? It’s something you kind of have to define for yourself, but a useful one for me has always been asking myself: “Can I actualise my will using this skill?” For example, I know I am alright at programming, because most of the time if I set out to do something using that skill I manage to do it. I know I am quite effective at painting and drawing because I can imagine how I want something to look and then execute it to a standard I am satisfied with - the gap between what I wanted to do and what I did is narrow, if existent at all. This is how I view self-improvement at fencing. I decide I want to reduce the gap between my will to carry out an action, and the actualisation of it. So far, it has served me well enough.

Something which has been very important for me in everything I’ve ever improved at is to let go of any desires to be better than others.
There are two reasons it’s shit to advance your skill just to be better than others: First, once you achieve that goal you will stagnate. This is a big problem in fencing as we often have limited access to skilled opponents. If you are satisfied with your progress when you win a bout against a local someone who seems good, you’re lazy and people with a good mindset will continuously overtake you in ability.
Second, it makes you an asshole. Peers are the single most valuable resource in improving yourself in a skill, and the more of them you alienate, the less of a buff you get from their friendship, collaboration, and general investment in your improvement. We often get newbies or pedestrian fencers who don’t show up much. If they are friendly I will always tell them exactly what I find difficult to counter and how they can kick my ass next time after sparring. If they’re a dick, to me or to others (espescially newbies), I basically don’t care if they ever show up again, so I ignore them. I am sure plenty of others feel the same way, or at least, I am sure nobody goes out of their way to help assholes improve. Don’t underestimate the importance of social buy-in. Do what you can to encourage your friends and prefer positive interactions with peers in your chosen skill.

While in various forms of art you perform solo it’s quite obvious the detriment being over-competitive can be, it’s not so obvious in fencing. I mean, it’s a competitive sport, so there has to be some level of rivalry. But it can be framed very positively. Your aim is to be better than yourself. The good thing about this is the road leads to perpetual improvement - it’s always possible to get better. It’s also optimistic, measurable, and very achievable. It’s also possible to measure your own improvement by whether or not you’re capable of “not getting hit by that guy” or “covering against that chick’s unterhau” or whatever. You can re-frame what would be a negative comparison with a peer to something focused on self reflection.

Be realistic about how badly you want to achieve this. I would think for most people it’s easy to tell when you’re driven towards something. You think about it all the time and get anxious if you aren’t doing enough of it. Analyse your feelings about your goals and make a realistic assessment: What do you actually want? How serious are you about trying to achieve it? Does your dedication match your goal? If not, change your goal or your level of dedication. Special hint if you are wondering how to assess your level of dedication: If you walk away from the task cause you suck at it, you weren’t dedicated: you walked away.

Last and maybe most important is to learn to embrace the suck. Any skill worth learning will not give you instant gratification. You will suck at it and have a shit time probably for years, and even then, if you really really love it, you will never be satisfied. As an artist I do pretty well - well enough to pay bills and create mostly anything I like - but it’s still a path of gruelling pessimistic dissatisfaction, and a desire for more. If you are really on this path, all the things that suck about it will be a treasure to you. You’ll embrace it with open arms, as another step on the way. It’s normal and perfectly functional to kind-of sort-of hate the activity you love.

See also: Hema Sucks

I’d really like my therapist to be here to take care of me. Or maybe just to be permanently available so I can text her continually. I want that feeling of being safe and cared for and contained, where I’m just receiving and not having to give at the same time.

I know it’s just a fantasy, that nobody can really do that. She can only give what she does because it’s in that boundaried one hour a week, when I pay her to keep all her stuff out of the relationship so she can just focus on me. But still, it would be nice.

I have internalised a lot of what she says and how she is, so I can hear her voice and imagine what she would say. And I know ultimately therapy will come to an end and I have to find support in my other relationships and not be dependent on her, but no other relationship is going to be quite like the therapy one so it will never be quite as good (in the specific sense of feeling nurtured and safe and parented).

Let Me Protect You Chapter 5/?

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Word Count: 1,664

Warnings: Swearing, bullying, angst

Trigger Warnings: Self-Harm

Rating: PG-13?

Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans.  Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

A/N: Alright lovelies, I did some research and I’m going to stop writing in the different character P.O.V’s after this chapter.  So this will be the last chapter from all the characters perspective, and starting with chapter 6, it will strictly be from Emilia’s P.O.V

Chris’ P.O.V

Watching Eric and Emilia doing karaoke together is one of the best things I have ever seen.  They have such great chemistry as brother and sister, and they are so in sync with each other.  They were doing their own dance moves, and pointing to each other during their individual parts.  It had seemed as if they have been doing this for years.  

Emilia mentioned she was nervous, but I couldn’t tell.  She was a natural on stage, and had a beautiful singing voice too.  Renner and I were cheering them on and we each had our phones out, swaying them in the air back and forth to the tune.  

Once the two of them finished their song, Emilia came strutting over to us.  I scooped her up in a big hug and gave her praise over her amazing job.  

I saw she gave a disconcerting glance over my shoulder.  It happened so fast, none of us saw it coming.  The last thing I saw before Emilia went tumbling into the pool was Minka smirking at me over her shoulder as she walked passed.

Emilia’s P.O.V

One minute I’m scooped up in Chris’ arms getting that wonderful protective hug that I loved so much, and the next minute I’m sputtering up water and trying to catch my breath after resurfacing from water.

I look around as I tread water since I just so happened to be in the deep end; everyone standing around looking worried and asking if I was ok.

“I’m fine” I manage to say as I start swimming towards the shallow end.  I look up to see Chris extending his hand to help me up when I reach into my back pocket and realize I don’t have my phone on me.  

Turning around, I start walking towards the deep end of the pool again.

“Em, what are you doing?” I hear both Eric and Chris ask at the same time.

“My phone must be at the bottom of the pool, I have to get it.”

“Don’t bother Em, we’ll just get you a new one; it’s probably dead now” Eric says to me.

“It’s a Samsung Galaxy S8, it’s waterproof.”

I dive back down and open my eyes, wincing from the sting of the chlorine.  Looking at the bottom, I find my phone and grab it.  I decide to stay underwater as I swim all the way towards the shallow area.  I resurface again and head out of the pool, both Eric and Chris right there waiting for me.

“Em, seriously, are you ok? You didn’t hit your head or anything did you?” Eric asks with concern.

“I’m ok, really Eric, stop badgering me, please.  I’m not a little girl anymore, I can handle it.”

He just looks at me with sadness in his eyes, knowing exactly what I’m going through.  I went through this in high school; all four years.

“I’m just going to go change, I’ll be out in a bit” I say as I walk away and head into the guest house.

I make it as far as my bedroom door before I pause; my hand gripping the door frame for support.  And by gripping, I mean white knuckle gripping.

Memories of high school flooding into my mind and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  My breaths becoming more and more shallow as I struggle to regain myself.  The bullying. The name calling.  The tormenting I received in high school, all rushing back to me.  It never ends.  I always thought people would grow out of that kind of behavior once they were older, but here I am, getting the brunt end of things again.  

I wanted, no, needed, to find that release.  To feel anything other than these fucking emotions coming back to me.  But I felt like I couldn’t move.  I was paralyzed; just standing in the doorway.  

I willed myself to start walking into my bathroom, staggering bit by bit.  Tears no longer being held back, but flowing freely; choking sobs breaking through my voice.  

I shut the door and make damn sure to lock it, not wanting to have anybody walk in on what I’m about to do.  I turn the shower on, to try and drown out some of the blubbering I’m doing.  

I reach into the drawer and grab my razor, hiding in the far back, wrapped in a rag I use to clean up afterwards.

I sit down against the wall and start to take off the shit ton of bracelets I have scattered across my left wrist.  

Taking the razor in my hand, I cut; deeper than I ever have before.  I feel the sudden release I was looking for and craved more.  I cut a few more lines, and sigh in relief when the deed was done.  My emotions were at an all-time high; I would have rated it 10/10.  But now they were at a more stable 4/10.  I could work with that as they wouldn’t be constantly invading my head the rest of the night.  

I hear a knock on my bathroom door and immediately freeze, razor still in my hand, and blood seeping from my recent activity.  

“Emilia, it’s me, Chris, I just came to check in on you and see if you were doing ok” he says with genuine care and concern within his voice.  

My heart breaks at who it is.  Here I am, sitting in my own blood from slicing myself like damn meat butcher, and Chris is on the other side hoping I was ok.  I didn’t deserve this kind of thoughtful attention from anyone.  Nobody should have to waste their time on me. I’m broken; not only do I not merit this kind of worry from anyone; why would anyone want to take their time out to do so?

“You really didn’t have to do that Chris, I’ll be right out, I promise.”

“Is it alright with you if I wait out here in the living room for you?”

“If that’s what you want to do Chris, I don’t mind” I say with a shaking voice.

Luckily I am OCD and plan things ahead, so I already had a pair of clean underwear, sweatpants, and a hoodie in the bathroom with me for when I was going to shower later tonight. I put everything on, and try combing out the tangled mess on me head; throwing it up into a bun afterwards. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time, I head out to the living room to meet Chris.

Chris’ P.O.V

I tried knocking on Emilia’s front door, but I didn’t get an answer.  I noticed the door was unlocked, so I walked in quietly.

“Emilia, are you in here?” I ask, hoping not to scare her.

I didn’t hear her response, so I started walking through, knowing exactly where to go.  I had live here with Eric for a few weeks before I bought the house I currently own.  

Walking into the bedroom, I see her bathroom door closed and hear the water running.  Lightly knocking on the door, I ask if she’s doing alright.

After I get her response and asking if I could wait for her, I head back the way I came and take a seat on her couch.  She has a few pictures in frames hanging up, mainly of her and Eric when they were younger. I notice she has a small table in the corner of the room; being curious, I amble over to it.

On the table there are a couple of pictures, and a wooden box.  There is one picture of a woman, and one of a dog.  The woman looks familiar as I’m pretty sure Eric has the same picture in his house; it must be their mother.  

I hear Emilia clear her throat and I turn around.  She’s dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie; her hair in a messy bun atop her head.  In my eyes, she couldn’t have looked any more beautiful.  Except her eyes were red and puffy, I wished I could take her pain away from her.  

“That is my mother, and here, is a picture of my dog.  She meant everything to me.  I had to put her down a few months ago” Emilia says as she picks up the photo of her dog.  

I knew the feeling, having to put East down a few years ago was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life.  

“Come here” I say to her as I pull her in for a hug.  

I held her close as she wrapped her arms around my torso.  I gently rubbed my hands up and down her back, trying to sooth her.  

“Did you happen to see who did it?” Emilia asks as she still holds onto me.

“Yeah I did.”

I pull away and cup her face in my hands; using my thumbs to wipe away the few stray tears leaving her eyes.    

“It was Minka who did it. I’m so sorry Emilia; she had no right to do what she did.  She’s just jealous of you, and I wasn’t giving her any attention.”

I can see the confusion come across Emilia’s face; commotion in her eyes as she tries to find reason to what I just said.

“What do you mean jealous of me?  How could someone like her be jealous of someone like me?  I’m a nobody Chris.  Just someone who blends into the background, hiding in the corner of a crowded room.”

“You may see yourself as that way, but I surely don’t.  You are beautiful Emilia, inside and out.  Just from getting to know you these past few hours I can see you have a passionate heart, which is hard so hard to find in people these days.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better” she says as she backs away from me.

I hang my head in defeat, knowing it is going to take much more to convince her otherwise.

Tag List: @evansfanficweekly @ssweet-empowerment @always-an-evans-addict @patzammit

current mood:

Originally posted by smilethroughtears96

anonymous asked:

I tend to not work out even though I want to because of executive dysfunction and distractions. I really want to work out though! How can I start working out without getting distracted?

Find something you can do in small spurts. I recently started putting on fun dancy music while doing the dishes and I get a lot of exercise just moving back and forth while washing dishes, walking around the kitchen, and… well, the other day I put a few things in to soak and danced to a whole song without interruption, just moving around the kitchen however I wanted to since nobody was around to see me! It was a lot of fun, and something I can do anytime I want.

If you want to do something more formal, schedule it into your day and then go somewhere specific to do it. You might also consider signing up for an exercise class or for some sessions with a trainer at a gym. I find that if I’ve spent money on something like that, I’m more likely to follow through because otherwise I feel like it’s a waste of my money.



Request : Can you do Bucky Barnes with the song Unsteady??? Also i love your blog 😍😍😍

Paring:Bucky x Reader

Words :1248

Warnings : ,  Angst as fuck , abuse, almost rape , but a happy end

Disclamer : i dont won marvel or any song in this blog

Originally posted by starkactual

“ Its over”

Bucky open the door really surprised to see you there. Its 4 am and you are a mess. Your hair is messy and not in waves like used to be, you are in your pajamas, with puffy eyes and a bruise on your check. He let you in and gave you a glass of water and ice for your check “ What are you doing here doll?” your eyes are on the floor and your voice it’s not over a whisper “It’s over” he gets close to you but you jump a little scared “What is over? You put your head on his shoulders “I left him” he runs his fingers on the bruise “he did this to you?“ you say yes.

Bucky never understood how someone could hurt you, you are caring and amazing definitely one of the most intelligent person his ever met. Sure you weren’t perfect he never fought you are but you also never pretend to be.  He met you in an engagement party in the end of the night he was in your apartment and he swears to his life that he never felt this away. Sure the sex was great but was more than that maybe was the away you didn’t judge him for the scars the only thing that he knows it’s that you are special.

You’re not a princess that needs to be saved you are fighter but your only weakness was your father. You never understood but he had so much power over you that he could scream horrible things that even in tears you would always forgive him. He was mean and cruel and always felt the need of controlling your life, nothing was ever good enough for him. Bucky took you away from your thoughts as he place a plate with some food on the coffee table ” You should eat something doll" you deny your stomach is sick any food you put there is not going to be there for too long. He decides not to argue “What happened?“ you take a deep breath you were even supposed to be here but before you can even think you were in his door.

"you know my dad ,he arranged a date with a son of his friend he was nice enough , but at the end of the date he didn’t take no for answer so i smack his head and his balls like you taught me. Well my father came home and he was really mad at me because the father of the guy was really important so i ruin his chances of doing a big deal. The bruise was just my punishment for being a bad daughter “Bucky hated your father with all his heart, he was a sick old man who was abusive to the best daughter he could have asked when he got sick he had move in with you had open your doors for him with open arms. Your father also hated Bucky he made pretty clear that he would die if you dated that man. So you kept your relationship a secret but wasn’t working with your father using you to date every rich man he could find.

"After he hit me i said to him i was never going back that i was dead to him, he laughed and told me that in 3 days I would be back because he owns me. Bucky i don’t want to go back” He start to dry the tears on your face with one hand and with the other he pulls you closer” What do you want baby? I will do anything” you take a deep breath and start to stroke his hair “ Just hold me and don’t let go "Bucky wasn’t ashamed to admit that he loves you and he knows that you love him you spent a lot of happy months before your father come to the picture when the two of you end things there wasn’t anger only sadness and that was only two months ago. Feelings were still fresh.

Bucky helped you to change in his t-shirt and lay with you in bed caressing your back. He didn’t sleep that night he just stay looking at you and how beautiful you looked on the moonlight. "Good morning beautiful, are you better?” You nod “ A little unsteady” “He kiss you and then your forehead ” stay here i will bring you breakfast “ you stay there waiting for him to comeback  with your food as you both eaten he asks ” You meant everything you say last night , you are not going back home ?“ ” Bucky that place was a house not a home, you are my home as long as you want me here of course i don’t want to be a burden to you and don’t feel like you have to be with me…“ he cuts with a kiss.

You two stay most of the day in bed doing nothing, you two talked , order Chinese and eat on bed and do other things as well “Can you help pick up the things in my house ?” He agrees. He can see that you are scared of going back “He is not going to hurt you, i won’t let him “ .

As soon as you open the door your father is there and say ” I knew that you would come back soon, now put some make up and help me" you don’t say anything just go to your room and start to pack your things. You can hear him talk to Bucky “ You two are back together i would like to see how much this will last, you are a monster she is crazy and ungrateful” before you can say anything you heard a noise and Bucky voice “ If you ever think about touch her again i will kill you in the worst away you can imagine and nobody you be there to find your body or cry at your funeral do you understand? answer me ” you heard your father say yes and before you can even think Bucky is helping with a heavy box and saying sorry “ Don’t be”

A couple of months had passed since that day, you receive the notice that your father was gone in his sleep you honestly think that was more than he deserve it. Bucky was with you all that away he never doubt your motivations or why you wanted go to the funeral he was just there by your side until you got closer that you need. Everything he was there being your rock and doing everything you need “How are you feeling baby girl?“ fine just hold me  and don’t let go”

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