how can he not know what the hobbit is


Kíli can’t tell elf genders apart, he just finds everyone really pretty.

(I headcanon that dwarves express their gender with braids, as it’s simple but effective and can be changed as the individual sees fit. As elves don’t have a similar system, younger Dwarves find it difficult to address elves with proper pronouns, because “what do you mean we have to guess based on their features? Assume based on stereotypical traits, how impolite!”)

mrsmarymorstan  asked:

Second Thought: The Hobbit is also a REALLY long version of Gigolas How I Met Your Mother. Right down to the "What is this goblin mutant?" - Yes kids I can confirm your father WAS there that day... I just didn't know it yet..."

okay this is it, the ask that killed me

I can imagine

Legolas: “What is this horrid creature? A goblin-mutant?”

Glóin: “That’s me wee lad, Gimli!”

Legolas, way way way into the future: “And that, kids, is how I met your grandpa Glóin. You know, he still hasn’t let me forget about that. Anyway, it took me another 60/80 (pick movie or book canon) years to meet your dad, but I’m getting to it.”

@determamfidd tagging you bc this is gold

Teach Me (Dwalin x Hobbit!Reader) Part 2

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for the time it took me to post this second part. I had a hard time finding a good way to end this second part. But here it is, the second part!!

Sorry I’m not on my laptop so the format is quite different ^^’ I can’t add gif and stuff like that but TADAAAA the next part is up 😊

Teach Me (Dwalin x Hobbit!Reader) Part 2

Requested by @weirdnewbie


Dwalin smiled as he watched you swing your sword in the air before the fire. It has been a week since you finally convinced the fierce warrior to teach you how to fight and Dwalin had to admit that you were really skilled. Moreover, the bald dwarf had the opportunity to spend some quality time with you alone and he absolutely loved it! Dwalin enjoyed your daily training sessions and secretly cherished each minutes he was able to spend in your company. However, he was not going to admit it to anybody. Even when Thorin questioned his true feeling for you, Dwalin had denied the obvious; he was falling for you, falling for your smile, falling for your adorable laugh, falling for your courage and determination. In other words, Dwalin had found his one.

As Dwalin walked to show you the right moves that night, Bilbo was watching carefully. Being your big brother, Bilbo became worried of the new found relationship between his little sister and the bald dwarf. The hobbit knew that something was definitely happening between the two friends - it was obvious to everyone - but he wondered if they really knew what they felt. However, Bilbo couldn’t help but worry about his sister. He had to admit that you were good with a sword, even talented, but it was dangerous to learn with Dwalin. They dwarf wasn’t going easy on you and Bilbo was scared.

“Perfect (Y/N)! Hold on!” Fili cheered from his spot next to his brother, over the fire. The company was always watching while you trained. The found it particularly entertaining to watch a small hobbit progress and actually fighting Dwalin.

“You can do it, (Y/N)!” Kili encouraged you as you swung your sword close to Dwalin’s throat.

The dwarf ducked and dodged your slash before he successfully knocked your sword off of your hand then pointed his sword at your throat in victory. You groaned as it was the third time that night that he managed to knock your sword away.

“I’m hopeless!” You groaned as you went to grab your sword on the dusty ground. “I will never be good at this!”

“Will you stop?” Dwalin said with a gentle but playful smirk. “You’re doing great.”

“Yes, miss (Y/N), you’re really good at this! It’s only been a week that you started your training!” Kiki exclaimed and nudged his brother for backup.

“Kili is right! We weren’t that good on our first week.” Fili humbly added. You smiled a bit shyly at the brothers then turned around to look at Dwalin.

“For real?” You asked, or rather mumbled, embarrassed.

“Yes. You are doing great. I’m glad I agreed to teach you, lass.” Dwalin said as he stepped in front of you to lay a warm and calloused hand on your frail shoulder. The contact of his skin on yours sent shivers down your spine and all you could do was smile brightly at the dwarf.

“Thank you master dwarf. I’m also glad you agreed.” You answered sheepishly. Dwalin smiled but quickly retrieved his hand as he felt his cheeks flush a deep shade of red. The dwarf cleared his throat then turned around to escape your deep (E/C) eyes.

“It’s enough for today, we both need rest and food.” Dwalin mumbled as he wandered away from you and the rest of the company to join Thorin on watch.

“A… alright…” You stuttered a bit confused at his sudden escape. Fili and Kiki smirked knowingly and Bilbo frowned as he watched your happy smile vanish when Dwalin left your side.

You shook your head at the bald dwarf as you watched him sit next to Thorin and start a conversation. After a few seconds you decided to sit next to Balin by the fire, Bilbo sitting next to you as well. You smiled nicely at Balin then turned your head in your brother’s direction to be met by his questioning eyes.

“What?” You asked him confused and with your eyebrows raised.

“What was that?” Bilbo asked back as if you knew what he was talking about.

“What was what?” You asked again now frowning at your brother’s weird behavior. Bilbo gestured with his forefinger towards the spot you were training at just a few minutes before.

“That, with Dwalin.” Bilbo answered as if he was stating the obvious. All the while, Balin was observing the situation and listening to the two sibilings.

“Oh! ‘That’ is what is called training, brother. Maybe you should think about starting to do the same.” You answered sassily, making Bilbo tilt his head forward and glare at you through his eyelashes, giving you his “don’t play with me missy” look.

“Very funny, (Y/N). You know what I meant.” Bilbo answered but a playful smile appeared on his lips anyway.

“I really don’t know what you mean, brother.” You genuinely tried to defend yourself.

“I think Mister Baggins and I saw the same thing, lass.” A gentle voice suddenly said from you other side. You turned around and looked skeptically at Balin.

“Then what did you see?” You chuckled as the situation seemed really normal for Hobbits but rather intriguing for dwarves. Dwarves were usually straight forward creatures. They would speak their minds even if it might hurt your feelings or even create conflict.

“The way my brother acts with you.” Balin’s gentle voice said. Bilbo nodded his head and pointed at Balin.

“Exactly.” You brother pipped in. You looked at them both as if they were mad.

“This is not helping… I still don’t understand what you think that you saw but…” You started but Balin laid his hand on your shoulder.

“Dwalin is never soft. He would never agree to spend his free time with a lass, teaching how to fight. Moreover, he would never smile nor blush!” Balin clarified.

“Oh!” You suddenly said, your voice breaking at the end and your eyes widening. “You mean…”

“That Mister Dwalin has a crush on you? Yes.” Another voice cut you, its owner sitting in front of you. You blushed as your eyes landed on Kili.

“It’s rather obvious.” Bilbo added, making you look at him in surprise.

“You also think that’s true?!” You asked your big brother in a dumbfounded voice.

“Like I said, it’s rather obvious.” Bilbo shrugged, making you shook your head yet again and look at your hands.

“That’s impossible.” Balin smiled warmly at you before answering.

“Why is that?” The old dwarf asked.

“Because… well… it’s Dwalin we’re talking about…” You we’re really confused. You spent the entire week trying to convince yourself that you did not feel anything for the fierce dwarf warrior. You were persuaded that he would never find intérêt in love whatsoever so you decided to stop you heart before it was too late. However, the company had finally found the way to bring back your doubts.

“No… it’s impossible.” You whispered to yourself. Your brain was telling you “no” while you heart screamed “yes”, swelling and dancing in your chest.

Dwalin sat next to Thorin, watching the forest and trying to calm his nerves. His feelings for you were starting to be hard to deal with. Each day, he could feel himself fall harder and harder. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to stop it or even control it. Dwalin knew how hard it was to control the love and the craving for a dwarf’s One. It was impossible to do it without loosing a part of yourself. Dwalin sighed and looked down at his calloused hands. How could you ever return his feelings? You were nice, cute, smart, courageous and soft. You were a frail creature and he was a rough warrior, made to fight, protect and kill. You would never find confort in his arms.

“You know… I can hear your brain overheat from where I am.” Thorin’s voice suddenly said, making Dwalin rolled his eyes and glanced at his friend and leader.

“I don’t know what you mean.” The bald dwarf grumbled, already annoyed at how well Thorin knew him.

“Don’t lie to me my friend. I know what you were thinking.” Dwain said nothing but kept his eyes on Thorin, waiting for him to elaborate.

“You think that your not enough for her. That her being a hobbit is a really big issue because us dwarves are too different. That she would never be able to love you back…” Thorin explained and Dwalin could help but looked impressed. 'How can he do that?’ He thought still in awe.

“I really don’t know what…”

“Dwalin, please.” Thorin cut him sternly but still gently. Dwalin sighed then shrugged his broad shoulders.

“Very well then…” Dwalin sighed then took his time to say what he wants to say. “I might have feelings for (Y/N)…”

“I knew it.” Thorin stated, sounding serious but a grin appeared on his lips.

“But!” Dwalin said strongly. “I do not think that she would even consider being with someone like me.”

“And why not?” The dwarf king asked his friend genuinely.

“We are… too different.”

“Nonsense.” Thorin said, staring at his friend. “And you know it.”

“No I don’t! I really think it’s impossible!” Dwalin took his axe in his hands and started to sharpen it. Thorin watched him for a while before an idea popped into his head.

“Hm I see…” He said.

“What?” Dwalin asked.

“You’re scared.” Thorin simply answered with a small shrug.

“Scared?! Me?! Nonsense!” Dwalin exclaimed, slightly offended. “I ain’t afraid of nothing!”

“Except a small, frail hobbit.” Thorin smirked at Dwalin’s antics. The warrior glared at his king and cracked his knuckles.

“I ain’t afraid of her!” He exclaimed once again.

“Then it’s of your feelings that you are afraid.” Thorin stated.

“I already told you, I ain’t afraid of nothing!” Dwalin said in determination.

“Then prove it.” The king challenged.

“Is this a challenge?” Dwalin leaned on his knees with a playful smirk.

“It is, my friend.” Thorin answered, his eyes set on the forest ahead. “I challenge you to declare your love to (Y/N) by the end of the week.”

“The end of the week?! Don’t you think that’s a bit too rushed? I mean, we’re only real friends since a week…” Dwalin mumbled, not sure of what to answer. Thorin smirked and turned around to watch his friend.

“Dwalin… I know you were hooked the first time you saw her back at Bag End.”

“Well…” Dwalin felt suddenly exposed but when he looked back at Thorin, the both started to laugh (or rather chuckle gruffly like two grumpy dwarves would) and turned their eyes back to watch the forest.


It has been 4 days since you had the weird conversation about love with Balin and Bilbo. You were still training with Dwalin and you had to admit that he was behaving oddly since that day. He was blushing a lot, mumbling things you couldn’t understand and he was always trying to be next to you when you rode your ponies or when you sat by the fire.

However, you weren’t complaining. You loved this dwarf even if it was almost impossible that he would love you back one day, you couldn’t help but adore his rough exterior and soft interior. Dwalin was strong and fierce, he courageous and determined. Some even thought him scary but to you he was also nice and gentle. He was always there to help you, so much that he became your anchor.

“You’re okay, (Y/N)?” Bilbo asked as he rode next to you on his pony.

“Oh yes brother, don’t worry.” You answered with a smile. “I was just thinking.”

“You also miss the Shire?” Bilbo asked, his eyes clouded with memories of your home.

“I do.” You said and it was true. You missed your home but now that your heart was gripped by love you knew that the Shire wouldn’t entirely be your home. Not when Dwalin wasn’t living there.

Soon, Thorin called for a stop and said that it was time to camp for the night. You were happy to finally be on your feet and you also waited impatiently for your training session. However, when you turned around to see Gandalf storming away from the ruined farmhouse Thorin had chosen to settle camp by, your worries started to grip your heart.

“Where is he going?” You asked Bilbo as you rushed to his side.

“I don’t know…” Bilbo answered as worriedly.

“What happened?” You asked again, Bilbo shrugged and turned around to tend to his pony.

“Thorin angered him, lass.” A gruff voice answered you. You turned you head to look at the dwarf who was standing next to you. Dwalin looked down at you and you blushed.

“That’s a pity… we need the wizard.” You mumbled, making Dwalin chuckle at your cute behavior.

“He will come back, don’t worry.” Dwalin said before leading you toward the fire and the almost finished stew that Bombur was cooking.

You talked with everyone during the meal and as everyone waited to have their share of the stew. Bofur asked Bilbo to bring two bowls of stew to Fili and Kili then snapped Bombur’s hand away from the stew saying that he already had more than his share. You chuckle at you watched the scene then got up to join Dwalin and start training.

It was only in the middle of it that Fili stormed into camp, jumping over a log and screaming.

“Trolls! Trolls! They have our ponies and Bilbo!”

“What?!” Thorin growled, grabbing his sword.

“Trolls?” Bofur asked in awe and slightly in fear.

“They have Bilbo! What? Where are they?” You screamed as you ran to shake Fili’s shoulders.

“Calm down, lass. Kili is going to gain some time so we can rescue him.” Fili said and he tried to make you stop shaking him, his voice shaking with him.

“Let’s go!” Thorin ordered and everyone started running behind him to catch up with Kili and Bilbo. Dwalin ran next to you and prayed that nothing happened to you. Trolls were very dangerous and you were only starting your training.

“Lass.” Dwalin called, catching your attention. “Please be careful.” You nodded your head and softly but quickly squeezed his hand in yours.

“You too.” You breathed out, your heart beating against your chest.

You turned your eyes back to the woods and suddenly everyone bolted out of the bushes and started to fight 3 monstrous trolls. Your eyes widen but you mastered all you courage and swung you sword like Dwalin had teach you. You managed to duck the hand of a troll who tried to capture you, then sliced his wrist as deeply as you could but it was not enough.

The troll shouted in pain but his arm came rushing in your direction and knocked you off of the ground, sending you flying in the air. You squealed then groaned in pain as your back hit a huge tree. Your body fell flatly on the hard floor and all you could hear before passing out was Dwalin’s frightened voice screaming your name over and over.

Boromir would have acknowledged that Thorin Oakenshield is a King approximately 10 seconds after meeting him.

He would’ve immediately volunteered to come along to the Quest, because the military situation in Gondor is manageable right now, and besides they really do not need the possibility of a dragon allying himself with Mordor, seriously, orcs are bad enough.

Boromir then proceeds to appoint himself as the official protector of everyone around him (because that’s what he does) and after a while he starts to challenge the people who sound like they’re being less than respectful towards Thorin, because fuck that. From what he’s seen and heard, this guy has been fighting tooth and nail for his people for who knows how long, so hold your tongues you’re talking to a King.

And the Company is just staring at Boromir, because there’s no way they’ve somehow managed to find a human Dwalin. Not possible. But there he is, asking those Men if they’d like to have Gondor declare war on them, because that can be arranged, and oh Mahal, definitely a human Dwalin. How???

Thorin isn’t exactly sure what’s happening or why, but this Lord of Men is defending dwarven honour and there’s no way he’s ever forgetting that. Boromir doesn’t know it yet, but he’s just accidentally secured an alliance between Gondor and Erebor. 

Dwalin is nearly beside himself with approval.

The Bargaining Chip

Words: 1674

Relationships: ThranduilxReader, LegolasxReader

Characters: Thranduil, Thranduil’sWife!Reader, Legolas, the Dwarves

Setting: BOTFA, Set in my Home At Last AU, I guess … 

Request: From @greenleaf-writings Imagine Thranduil and Legolas finding out that the Company took you to The Lonely Mountain for a negotiation. Your life for the Arkenstone.

Notes: I had to actually look up the script for the bargaining scenes, bcuz i’m a sad fangirl and couldn’t remember them anymore 

Note 2: Part 2?

Keep reading

How you met



You were at a crime scene because Lestrade had called you in to look over the body. There had been a suicide but you thought other wise. It was a woman in her room with a bullet in her head and you knew something said murder when you walked in.You heard of Sherlock Holmes but you had never met him knowing he comes to this kind of cases you would get to meet him. 

You turned to Lestrade after looking over the body and said.“She was murdered.” You hear clapping in the door way and turn to see the one and only Sherlock Holmes standing with what looked like in your opinion a hobbit.

“Very good even I could tell it was murder." 

"I know you can.”

“Who are you?" 

”(Y/n) (L/n).“

"Well if you know it was murder can you prove it?” You smirk and tell him.“Well, the murder but the gun in her hand to make it look like a suicide but he put it in her right hand even though you can see that she is left handed." 

"How do you know.” The hobbit like one said.

“I’m sorry but what is your name? All I’m thinking is that you look like a hobbit.” He raises an eyebrow while Sherlock smirks.

“John Watson.”

“I know she’s left handed because on her night stand it’s all to her left and the bullet to her head is on her right.”

“True but just because she was shot on the right doesn’t mean it murder.” You give him a look and Sherlock sighs.

“John just look at the room clearly it was murder. I mean why would someone shoot themselves on the right when you can do it on the left?” You smirk and walk away. You pull out your phone and see a text. 

‘Lunch Friday?-SH' 

'Love to.-(Y/I)' 



You work on the same floor as John but never really talked to him. You would inform him of a patient. You had just gotten to the clinic and went to the front desk. You see someone walk in but you pay no mind as you log into the computer.

“Excuse me."You turn to see John.

"Can I help you?" 

"Well we never really got to introduce ourselves and since no one is here I thought it’s a perfect time so I’ll start, hi my name is John Watson and you are?”

“(Y/n) (L/n) nice to meet you.” You smile and shake his hand you talk until he has to go get ready. 



You’re a cop from America and was transferred to Scotland Yard. You get up to the office and look around. 

“Can I help you?” You turn to see a man with longish brown hair.

“Yes, I’m looking for Greg Lestrade.”

“Ah, you must be the American, Anderson. I’ll take you to Lestrade.” He takes you to the office and you knock the door opens to a man in a jumper and another one talking to Lestrade. 

“There’s someone here."They turn to you and you wave slightly.

"If you’re busy I can wait." 

"No no please come in.” You walk in and stand by the tall guy.

“American.” You turn to him and smirk.

“Your point?” He looks at you and turns back to Lestrade.

“See you when you have another case for me that you can’t solve Gram.”“It’s Greg!” He walks out with the other guy and he turns to you.

“You must be the person that was transferred.”

“Yes sir, (Y/n) (L/n)”

“Greg Lestrade." 



You were hiding from the police after someone called about a murder they saw and gave them your description and now you’re hanging low. You start to move only to be grabbed.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?” You hear an Irish voice from behind you say. You struggle to get out of his grip but fail. 

“I’m impressed by what you did back there.”

“Who are you?”

“Jim Moriarty and you?”

“(Y/n) (L/n).”

“Well (Y/n) I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of each other.” You feel him let go and you turn around to see nothing. You have a strange feeling in your stomach. You don’t know what is but you like it.



You had been living with John and Sherlock for awhile and you never had a problem until you were taking to this warehouse.

“So you’ve been living with my dear little brother.”

“Oh, so your Mycroft thought you’d be well, shorter.” You smirk and he frowns.

“So you’re dating my brother.”

“What! No no.”

“Then why are you living with him?”

“I’m Johns sister. I moved in with them because my land lord threw me out. Any more questions or can I leave scarecrow.”

“I’ll be keeping tabs on you.”

“See you next time.” You walk away with him really confused. 

A Letter Home

Title: A Letter Home

 Prompt: @life-is-righteous Nori. This is for my 26 Day Birthday Celebration.  I decided to do something new for this one, I hope you like it.

 Summary: You receive a letter from your husband Nori while he is on the journey to reclaim Erebor.  It is has cute moments, funny moments, moments that rip your heart out, but you wouldn’t change a single dot of an ‘I’ of it, because it is from your Nori.

 Warnings: Fluff.  Slight Angst. But Mainly Fluff.  

Originally posted by xladythiefnori


My Dearest One,

I hope this letter finds you quickly.  I’m sorry I couldn’t send one sooner, but stealing paper and ink from Ori is probably easier than prying a cold coin from a dragon’s clutches.  Okay, okay.  One: I know that probably wasn’t a funny joke.  Two: I know you are sitting there shaking your head wondering why I don’t just ask him for it.  I can hear your voice, clear as day speaking, “He is your brother, I’m sure if you asked him and told him what it was for he would offer it to you.”  But my love, where is the challenge in that?

Keep reading

You are Special

Pairing/s: Thorin x (human!fem)reader

Setting/Timeline: The Quest to reclaim Erebor

Warning(s)/Genre(s): Fluff

Word Count: 937

The Hobbit, the Durins, and Any of the Company © J.R.R. Tolkien
Context © me

Requested by @deepestfirefun

A/N: For @deepestfirefun‘s birthday :) if Sept. 1st really is your birthday (according to the “30 Questions”) then Happy Birthday, sweetie! So sorry if there’s not enough fluff than what you expected though, I think.

The Hobbit tag list: @sdavid09, @igotanaddixon, @fizzy-custard, @life-is-righteous, @kittenwritesstuff, @fromthedeskoftheraven, @deepestfirefun

Masterlist: HERE

Originally posted by lo-uve

”Would you show me more of your ability please, Miss (Y/N)?”

You couldn’t help but smile, remembering Ori who asked you to show him a demonstration of your ability while you dry yourself by the shoreline of a small lake near the campsite. How couldn’t you help it? Ori is a sweet and very curious dwarf who wants to know as much as he can in this quest.

Keep reading

Watch Out Below (2)

Part 1

“All I wanted to do was go for a nice relaxing hike,” You rambled on to yourself as you walked along with the rather terrifying bald man, “That’s all.”

“For the last time,” He growled over to you, “Would ya be quiet?”

“Quiet?” You looked to him with wide eyes, your nerves out of control, “I’m lost. I don’t know where I am. I’m pretty sure I’m dead. Oh god, is this what death feels like? Are you death?”

“For Mahal’s sake, girl,” He nudged you forward gruffly, “You best settle yourself down before I do it for you.”

“What does that mean?” You could not help your heightened tone, your anxiety had finally kicked in and it was not letting up, “Oh god, oh god.”

Keep reading

Frodo and Bilbo In The First Three Chapters

Okay so I’m only at chapter four but there’s a thought bunny rattling around inside my head that I had to write down before it drives me to distraction.  

Despite knowing more about Bilbo than the majority of other characters at the start of the book, Frodo clearly idealises his Uncle.  Growing up hearing retellings of his adventures would probably do that to a young and impressionable hobbit.  Through Chapters 2 and 3 we’re repeatedly reminded of Frodo’s desire to follow Bilbo when he leaves, depicting a desire to relive his Uncle’s adventures.

‘“Of course, I have sometimes thought of going away… a series of adventures like Bilbo’s or better”’ – pg 82.

‘a desire to follow Bilbo flamed up in his heart’ – pg 82.

‘Following Bilbo was uppermost in his mind, and the one thing that made the thought of leaving bearable.’ – pg 85.

It could be argued that Frodo romanticises Bilbo’s travels, almost to a naïve degree – which I will come back to later.  What’s most important to remark here is that Bilbo is Frodo’s primary motivation to set off. He does express concern for the safety of the Shire –

‘“I should like to save the Shire, if I could”’ – pg 82,

but it is his desire to find Bilbo that ultimately gives him the motivation to leave.  One might notice a certain precognition on Frodo’s part that their stories are not going to be the same.

‘“Bilbo went to find treasure, there and back again; but I go to lose one, and not return, as far as I can see.”’ – pg 86.

What breaks my heart here is how resigned Frodo is to his own death this soon into the book.  Bilbo represents the protagonist Frodo wants to be and the story he wishes he could be a part of.  Frodo wants a romanticised, fairy-tale adventure like ‘The Hobbit’, where there is hope for a happy ending and the protagonist is rewarded. But Frodo is genre savvy enough to know that his story won’t be a hopeful nor happy one from the very beginning. I think that his desire to follow and reunite with Bilbo comes, in part, from his fear of the Quest.  He hopes to take refuge in the idea of Bilbo and his adventure – a safe, happy, hopeful narrative.  What person wouldn’t want to partake in the stories we were told as a child, only for us to begrudgingly face bleak reality and be filled with reluctance -  to retreat into the romanticised stories that hold a hope for a happy ending that real life events can’t provide.

Symbolically, I think that these different attitudes are best portrayed in Bilbo and Frodo’s renditions of ‘The Road Goes On’.  In content, the two versions are identical save for a single word.  Bilbo describes ‘eager’ feet, whereas Frodo says they are ‘weary’.  The shift in tone that this word change made immediately caught my attention, and the shift perfectly matches that of the book at this point.  The opening chapters of ‘Fellowship’ are quite cheerful, with the underlying tension compounded by quirky hobbit shenanigans.  With the revelation that Bilbo’s ring is in fact the insidious artefact of a malicious demigod, the book suddenly becomes a lot more bleak and paranoid.  Bilbo, who rushes out of his house on a whirlwind adventure in ‘The Hobbit’, Frodo is reluctant to leave and his departure from the Shire is slow and dread-filled.  The word change also completely changes the tone of the rest of the poem.  In Bilbo’s version, the line ‘and whither then? I cannot say’ seems whimsical and adventurous.  In Frodo’s rendition, the line appears to make the singer sound lost, their future indiscernible and scary – just as Frodo must feel.

There is also the added tragedy of imitation.  As Pippin notes,

‘“That sounds like a bit of Old Bilbo’s rhyming… Or is it one of your imitations?”’ – pg 96.

It is both.  The poem’s recitation arguably parallels Frodo’s struggle to imitate Bilbo and be the adventurous, fearless protagonist that he has built up in his mind, to live a life like his idol; but ultimately, he becomes something completely separate, and much more melancholic.

How about an au where hobbits have to be buried in the shire when they die because of the hobbits-come-from-the-earth idea ,and Bilbo dies either from being thrown off the ramparts or is killed during the battle. So because he can’t move, on his spirit stays in the mountain trying to get help. Bonus points if only one of the members of the company can see him at first.

Let me know what you think!

Friendly reminder that Peregrin Took was still a child when he started on his journey with Sam and his cousins. Hobbits age differently than humans; they don’t come of age til 33. Pippin was 28 when he left the Shire. That’s equivalent to about 15 years old. Think of a 15 year old you know. Now imagine that 15-year-old leaving the country with some buds ages 19-27 to go on a dangerous mission for the CIA into an ISIS-infested area. Can you imagine how not-okay they would be? Can you imagine how scared, and how pretty much useless they would be? They’re not done growing, they haven’t even pinned down what they want to do with their life, and here they are getting thrown into a literal war. Most 15-year-olds would end up as baggage, and probably as a casualty.

But Pippin left home, went into the wilds to protect his friends and cousins, survived 3 “minor” battles, saved his and his cousin’s butt several times, went into a major battle, vanquished more than his fair share of foes, withstood the direct scrutiny and influence of the Greatest Evil ever to walk the earth, saved a prince, fought in another major battle, saved his cousin again, fought in the Battle to End All Battles, came home, singlehandedly started a war to save his people, inspired his fellows to join him, became a general, and became ruler of his native homeland all by the age of 17 human equivalent.

I would like to kindly request that Pippin stop being characterized as “the goofy one,” or “the fool,” or “the stupid one,” because Pippin is freaking boss. He’s smart, he thinks on his feet, he’s brave, he’s so incredibly compassionate; he’s flawed, yes. He’s immature, and fearful, and impulsive. But that’s what makes him so relatable, and so real, and so incredible to me.  He’s my personal hero, and in my opinion is the most developed character out of the entire saga.

Pippin is the man.

This is based on a head canon I have where Thranduil is blind in one eye from his time fighting dragons in the north, as Thranduil himself said, “Do not speak to me of dragon fire, i know its wrath and ruin…”

So, sometimes, I imagine Thranduil to be blind in one eye. And in that headcanon I have, Thranduil has excellent hearing, which he uses to help him gauge where people are or when things come at him on his blind side. I imagine that he’s so accustomed to his partial blindness by now that it hardly bothers him.  I imagine that Legolas had no idea that his father was so horribly injured, that this would be a thing Thranduil kept secret even from Legolas. 

Even though Legolas knows what an amazing warrior Thranduil is, he cannot help but feel suddenly afraid for his father, who he once knew to be completely invincible and now realizes is not. I imagine that when he first finds out, Legolas goes into overprotective!mode, and while Thranduil indulges him for a time (because who doesn’t like being shown that they are loved), he has to demonstrate to Legolas how needless his fretting is (though I am sure Thranduil loves the extra attention his son gives him). 

You can see my super rough sketch here.

Thranduil Imagine - “You Never Know What Could Happen”

Request - Could you please write a hobbit imagine with Thranduil? Like you’re one of his personal guards; having liked him from the moment you met him. Keeping your feelings secret the whole time he was with Legolas’s mother; and watching how cold he became upon her leave. Somehow he finds out though; you can choose how, and how it resolves. Of course if you don’t want to that’s fine; thanks for reading anyway. :)

Warnings – none

Spoilers - none

You couldn’t see from your position, back to Thranduil’s throne which he was currently lounging on, but eyes had been on you for the past hour. Thranduil had been watching your unmoving figure, poised and ready, should any threat appear, and he couldn’t help but admire you. He had learned of your feelings months ago, but not being a long time for an elf he had done nothing about it. He didn’t know how long you had had feelings for him, but he had begun to notice certain tell-tale signs. Your eyes always gave you away, as they brightened when he spoke to you, which was often, as he enjoyed your company. You made for good conversation, he had found, possessing more personality than most of the other guards, and being a genuinely interesting person. Before you had become Thranduil’s personal guard, you had loved to travel, and you always amused him with stories of your adventures. He smiled, remembering all the conversations he had had with you, and took a minute to consider his own feelings. It had been hard, since his wife had died, and he found you a comfort. Were his feelings merely based on care and admiration, or were they love? This he couldn’t answer, at least not yet anyway. He was brought out of his thoughts by footsteps, and rose into an upright position. He relaxed once again when he realised it was only a guard coming over to swap shifts with you.

As you moved from your position, you risked a quick glance over your shoulder at the king. Seeing he was already looking at you, you quickly looked away, walking out of the keep as you headed to your chamber, hoping to relax, perhaps read, in your free time before your next shift. You dawdled on your way back, looking around and admiring the castle as you walked. You came to stop before a large portrait of the king, almost life size, produced years before. You took in his silvery hair, his powerful stance that exerted confidence and strength. His blue-grey eyes seemed to watch you, and you found yourself lost in them.

“I can still remember when that was painted, you know?” A deep voice said from behind you, and you quickly whipped around, hand falling to your sword. You relaxed when you saw Thranduil before you, but realising where he had caught you, a blush rose up on your cheeks. You looked down, a sign of respect, but also to hide your red face.

“I’m sorry, my king. You startled me” You said, looking back up. He smiled in response, and moved to stand beside you. You shifted slightly, uncomfortable after what had just happened, wanting to bury yourself amongst your bed covers to hide forever. You turned to look at him, and found his eyes already on yours.

“You were admiring my portrait?” He asked, a trace of a smirk on his lips as he already knew the answer.

“Well… yes… sort of.” You stuttered, feeling a blush rise on your face again, and felt the heat radiating from your face.

“You don’t have to be ashamed.” He said, smiling at you. “And you also don’t have to hide.” He added, smirking.

“Hide?” You asked, a look of confusion on your face.

“Your feelings.” He responded, an air of nonchalance that directly juxtaposed the feeling of panic rising in the pit of your stomach.

“My king - ” you began, but Thranduil cut you off.

“Don’t apologise. And don’t hide matters of love again.” He said, his eyes locking with yours. “You never know what could happen.” He added, smirking at you. He quickly walked away, and you whipped around, eyes following his retreating figure as you frowned in confusion.

(I had fun writing this, so let me know if I should continue this.)

- K

Bard: How was lunch with Dad?

Legolas: It was good. You know how he is though.


PJ: You just had lunch with your Dad? Why didn’t I know about this?

Legolas: I didn’t tell you.

PJ: Why didn’t your brother go with you?

Bard: I was with Thorin.

PJ: Can we get to the bottom of this once and for all? Where is your father?

Legolas: Where he always is.

Bard: Doing what he always does.

Thranduil: I wonder what Thorin is doing right now. I think I’ll go annoy him for a bit.

“What is this…strange 10% elastane 80% cotton contraption?! How do I escape this awkward teal trap I’m in??”

See, it’s not that Fili doesn’t have shirts (he doesn’t.), it’s just that he doesn’t know what they are! 

 Just a silly little doodle of Fili being really confused by a shirt, because according to myself, he has no idea what they are and never wears them. And gosh! He’s concentrating so much on his shirt prison that he BARELY can keep his pants on! 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Poor thing! Won’t someone help him?! 

Martin once stopped and gave a spoon of sugar water to a grounded bee to revive it.
He once broke character in the middle of Richard III to say “bless you” to someone who sneezed.
He once gave a pizza ordered for him to some fans who hadn’t eaten that were visiting setlock and had been waiting there for hours.

Ben once stopped what he was doing to go and help some fans he saw being shoved over and crushed by paparazzi.
He once recorded a short video saying “happy birthday” to a fan who got sick and couldn’t make it to an event.
He’s been known to call his parents at premieres, and after talking to his dad at the Hobbit premiere, passed the phone to Martin (who some of you may know lost his father when he was young) so he could, too.

Basically what I’m trying to say here is nobody is perfect, not even your faves, but can I just point out how lucky we are to have these two as our Sherlock Holmes and John Watson?

I added a size difference tag!

size difference!

1. A Hobbit-FIst:

Kink Meme Fill

Thorin’s dick is the size of Bilbo’s fist.

That’s really not a problem.

2. I Would Feel Like You Would Feel: 

Halflings do not have the right word for Mine like the dwarves do.

3. Last Night in Laketown:

Bilbo and Thorin simultaneously realise that the last time they had sex may be the last time they EVER have sex, with Smaug waiting just around the corner. There is only one problem where can they find short folk that are interested in sex with males in the middle of Laketown??! Sexy times ensue.

‘I can think of someone who’s your height and male.’ Bilbo said slowly, that drink may have been stronger than he had thought, this was crazy. Was he being a little too obvious?

‘I’m not having sex with Dwalin, he’s my best friend.’ Thorin snapped.

Fucking really? Bilbo sighed; it was a good job Thorin was pretty.

4. Too Much:

For my Hobbit Slash Love-Fest on Tumblr. When certain members of the company discover that Bilbo has very sensitive ears, they can do little more than take advantage of the knowledge.

5. A Little Thicker Than These Fingers:

Bilbo had taken some pride when Thorin had stated he was surprised the hobbit was so well endowed. He joked saying, “Well you know what they say about people with big feet,” which had earned a small laugh from Thorin. Bilbo’s pride quickly diminished the moment he saw exactly how large Thorin was.

6. A Handle on Love:

Thorin has a bit of a fixation on something Bilbo is very self conscious about. How long before the stoic dwarf’s legendary control finally unravels and how long before Bilbo realizes that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes?

7. The Difference Between:

For my Hobbit Slash Love-Fest on Tumblr. Bilbo is insecure about his appearance/weight and Thorin reassures him.

8. A Halo On Your Body:

After a humid day’s ride, the Company are keen to bathe and Bilbo finds himself in the company of many naked dwarves, none of whom are shy.

Perhaps the burglar in him is coming through, because Bilbo finds himself very interested in the shiny things they’ve adorned their bodies with.

ashen morning

Dear mobile users, apologies for the loooong text post. Feel free to scroll past - no pics to load here. Though feel free to stop and read XD

Morning dawns ashen and pale. A bitterly cold wind brushes over the field where now frost begins to cover the remaining bodies. Within the shattered stones of Erebor’s grand entrance the dwarves of Thorin Oakenshield’s company have sought shelter. Here, at least, the wind does not reach them.

Dori, Nori and Gloin have procured blankets from within the mountain to provide bedding. There are too few tents, too little shelter. Dain’s dwarves have not brought much, nor did Thranduil. Dale is but a ruin, from which yet smoke rises toward the brightening sky. The little sunlight that pierces fog and smoke bears no warmth, and those that survived battle may still succumb to the cold.

Oin works hard. At least - it seems - their company is lucky. Nori sustained a bad scrape, Dwalin broke his ankle and Balin lost two fingers. Minor injuries, though Oin would rather see all of them of their feet, especially Fili and Kili. The princes are pale, casting anxious glances out toward the field from where Dwalin dragged them back - Kili with yet another arrow sticking from his thigh and Fili with a gash across his back.

From their uncle no trace has been seen. Dwalin told them he went after Azog and then Bilbo after him - the news simultaneously elating and terrifying. Elating for Thorin must have finally slain his enemy. The orc armies have dispersed, leaderless and in fear. Terrifying for what likely happened to Thorin.

And Bilbo.

Ever since their smallest member slid from their midst to rejoin Gandalf below, they’d thought him safe. Thought the wizard would watch out for him.

They should have remembered Bilbo Baggins had a mind of his own.

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Fili's Selflessness

Fili’s selflessness is one of his most defining traits. Selfless characters are seldom seen in media and whenever they do I feel a strong liking to them. Fili is no exception to this. From the start of the hobbit trilogy this golden-haired (and golden-hearted) Dwarf has show both small and large acts of selflessness and kindness all the way through to his death at the hands of Azog. In the start of this three-movie journey Fili and his brother are seen as young and joyful, caring more for mischief and mayhem then the seriousness of the quest. But little glances at Fili show that this cheerfulness isn’t all that is to him.

Keep reading