how bout we go up a level

Remind me to roll a fighter next...

I was running my players through a 5e campaign when a miniboss with 55 hp they were sent to kill heard them coming and fled the hideout with the party hot on his tail. He got out into the open 2 turns before they did.

Me(DM): [miniboss] is 120 feet down the road to the west, and doesn’t look like he plans to slow down.

Our halfling rogue with only 25 feet movespeed: He’s out of my range, we should check his room to see if he left clues about where he would go.

The level 6 fighter with improved critical, +4 to dex and a +1longbow: Nah, how bout we just kill him? I use action surge and attack four times with my longbow.

She then proceeds to roll four attack rolls and have all four land on either 19 or 20. The rogue falls out of his chair laughing

Me(resisting to urge to change to up his health total): Ok, Roll 8d8+20 for damage

She rolls a 59 for damage.

Me: …he’s dead… Anything you want to add?

Fighter: JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!!!!

Lessons - Shawn Mendes Imagine (Smut)

MASTERLIST

WARNING: NSFW (Not Safe For Work)

Y/n’s POV

“I’ll be home in an hour is that okay?” 

I sighed as I read the text. I replied with a simple, “It’s fine, get home safe, I love you xx” to which Shawn replied, “I will, I love you too xx”. I was undeniably sexually frustrated and my boyfriend was in the studio. I’m not mad that he’s doing something he loves, just really sexually frustrated.

I play with the tie of my silky robe and start looking around the room to look for something to keep my mind off the ache between my legs. I look over at the wardrobe and remember my draw of goodies. I make my way over to the wardrobe and open a draw revealing all of my sex toys. Shawn and I like to try new things and a huge part of experimenting is toys. I grab the closest vibrator I had, a small gold one. I remembered the last time I used it. It was when Shawn was on tour he had sent a gift to me. You should’ve seen the shock on my face when I received a vibrator in the mail. I FaceTimed him that night and told him about his wonderful gift. That night he asked me if I could show him using it, I was hesitant but decided to give it a go.

I smirked making my way over to the bed, undoing the tie to my robe. I crawled on to the bed and leaned my upper body against the headboard. I unhooked my bra, tossing it carelessly on the floor. I decided to leave my panties on. I began playing with my breasts massaging them and flicking my nipples to make them hard. I then slowly made my way to my panties, I began rubbing myself through the material, imagining they were Shawn’s fingers. I then grabbed the vibrator and placed it on top of the fabric. The vibrations sending me into a haze of pleasure. I bucked my hips up at the feeling, my back arching of the bed.

A cough was heard from across the room. My eyes shot open and I removed the vibrator, hiding it behind me. Leaning against the doorway was Shawn, clad in a white top and blue jeans.

“Here I was, going to surprise you by coming home early, but I guess the roles are reversed,” he ushered for me to stand up. I stood up and made my way over to him, covering up my breasts.

Shawn’s lips instantly crashed on mine, his hands cupping my cheeks. My fingers roaming his hair, pulling on the roots slightly. I smirked as I felt his hard-on through his jeans on my stomach. His hands roughly grabbing my thighs lifting me up and slamming me against the wall. Using one hand, Shawn moved my hair away from my neck and began sucking harshly at the skin. My head thrown back and my hands gripping on to his shoulder tightly.

He moved from the wall and began making his way to the bed. Suddenly my back landed on the mattress, Shawn standing at the edge of the bed, smirking. His hands travelled up from my stomach to my arms. I then felt metal touch my wrists. I look up to notice Shawn, cuffing me to the bed.

“Shawn, what the fuck?” Don’t get me wrong I love this, but I’m heavily frustrated and all I wanted was his dick in me. I can’t handle teasing, not right now.

“Did you really think you wouldn’t get a punishment for touching yourself baby? Do you really think I’m that lenient?” He smirked as he took off his top and jeans. His cock, seen easily through the material of his boxers. I could almost see him throbbing, I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

Shawn began caressing my skin. First my stomach then my inner thighs. His fingers grazed the wet spot of my underwear. I bucked my hips at the slight contact. He smirked at me, deciding to continue his torture. He used his thumb and pressed my clit. I screamed at the sudden pleasure. My hips coming off the bed. I needed his touch, I needed him. Shawn let his fingers graze my entrance through my panties, then they were gone, his fingers making their way into his mouth.

“Even with underwear I can still taste you. You taste so good,” I watched as he sucks on the tips of his fingers, making eye contact with me. I moaned and whined lifting my hips up and moving around.

Shawn then leaned down and kissed my heat, letting his lips linger. I threw my head back, my wrists tugging at the cuffs, just wanting to run my fingers through his hair as he ate me out.

Shawn’s fingers then went inside my panties, rubbing me slightly. He then removed the fabric and threw it across the room. His fingers began gently rubbing me, the pleasure took over me and made me cum instantly. Shawn fingers moved away from me.

“I didn’t say to cum Y/n, oh well it makes it easier to decide your punishment; over-stimulation,” my head shot up and I began begging him not to.

“Please Shawn, you know I can’t do over-simulation, remember New Years? I couldn’t handle it, please Shawn just fuck me,” Shawn face showed a slight hint of concern, but soon that vanished.

“Baby, don’t you remember? You were screaming for more that night. The morning after you told me it was the best sex you’d ever had. You can’t trick me this time Y/n,” my cheeks heated up. He caught me, I’d thought he wouldn’t remember since we both were slightly intoxicated. He’s right, that was the best sex I’d ever had, but I can’t do it right now with my heat being so sensitive after my first orgasm.

Shawn went over to our wardrobe and opened one of the draws revealing all my sex toys. He pulled out my wireless vibrator. A black matte one, with a white head. It was the fastest one I had, the speeds making me come undone in a matter of seconds.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you use this love, how ‘bout we try?” Shawn smirked as he turned it on the lowest speed. He placed the tip of the vibrator on my left nipple, the vibration making them hard instantly. He smirked at the effect. Shawn then dragged the vibrator agonisingly slowly across my stomach and down my legs. He then dragged it softly along my inner thighs. The vibrations going straight to my core. My hips bucked up, my eyes closed taking in the sensations. Suddenly the vibrations hit my core at a higher speed. The jerk put the speed to its highest level.

I was moaning loudly as my orgasm approached, my body began moving around trying to get rid of it, but wanting more at the same time. My hands grabbing my cuffs tightly. I felt the rising feeling in my stomach growing. I screamed out Shawn’s name, as I came. He didn’t take the vibrator off causing me to go into overdrive. My head thrown back, arms and legs tense. The vibrations so high making me cum again and again, until I had cum three times. Shawn slowly took the toy away from my heat, smirking at my weakened body.

My arms were dangling form the cuffs, my legs worn out. I was breathing heavily. My eyes opened to Shawn, he smirked as he put the vibrator on our bed side table.

Shawn then removed his underwear to reveal his large member throbbing with need. He then moved to the side of the bed where my head was.

“Open up your mouth for daddy sweetheart,” Shawn instructed as he began stroking himself. I opened my mouth enthusiastically, excited that I could give him pleasure. He lined his cock with my mouth, placing the tip on my awaiting tongue. I moved my head and raised my eyebrow at him.

“You know, I could give you the best blow job of your life, if I wasn’t tied to the bed? Un-cuff me and I’ll give you the best orgasm of your life,” Shawn smirked but agreed, un-cuffing me. I touched my wrists to notice the red lines.

Shawn saw and took ahold of them, kissing them each with a sympathetically look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” I smiled at his concern and shook my head, touching his cheek.

“It’s fine Shawn, it didn’t hurt, you didn’t hurt me,” Shawn nodded before going on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He was slowly stroking himself, watching my every move as I turned to face him.

I kissed Shawn, with an urgency, taking him off guard. I then felt around ‘till I felt what I needed. I placed the cuff behind me where I had easy access to it.  I then ran my fingers through his hair, earning a low moan from Shawn.

I then felt around for the other cuff and found it next to my leg, I placed it next to the other cuff, making sure Shawn wouldn’t notice.

I started kissing his neck, sucking on his sweet spot. I began dragging my finger nails down his torso, feeling his abs tense by my touch. I began leaving kisses down his torso, until I reached his twitching cock. I wrapped my small hand around the base and began moving up and down. Shawn threw his head back and moaned loudly. I kitty licked the swollen tip, making him moan and his eyes to close. I then moved up from his cock to his torso running my hands up again. I began kissing his neck, he closed his eyes and moaned at my teasing. I then moved the cuffs in the small space between him and headboard. I then ran my hands down his back pulling him forward kissing him hard. I went down his back and grabbed the cuffs, carefully pulling them up. I then put my hands through one of the holes and turned the cuff around so it was on the back of my hand. I then went up his arms firmly placing them on the headboard. I kissed him hard, beginning to grind on his crotch. I then grabbed his wrists an flicked the cuff around him so it went around his wrist, taking my hand out of the other hole. I then puled away from Shawn and cuffed him to the bed. Shawn’s eyes opened wide once he realised what I’d done. he began pulling on his wrists but it wouldn’t move. I stood up and pulled his legs down the bed, forcing him to lie down. I smirked at his confused expression.

“Did you really think you wouldn’t be punished for teasing me baby? Do you really think I’m that lenient?” I teased with his earlier words. I sat on the side of the bed, dragging my nail across his torso. I then leaned down and began kissing his neck, moving my hand up and down his shaft.

“Fuck Y/n..” Shawn dragged out. I moved from my position and made my way to his dick, noticing how red it had gotten. I licked the tip watching as he squirmed underneath me. I saw him grasping tightly onto the cuffs, his knuckles turning white.

I licked from the base of his shaft to the tip, taking him into my mouth. I began sucking on his tip, always looking at his face. Shawn’s mouth was open wide and his eyes were closed, his head thrown back and turning form side to side.

Then I took as much of him as I could into my mouth sucking, I used my hand for the rest of him I couldn’t get in. I started deep throating him. A loud moan emitted from Shawn as he began jerking his hips up. I took my mouth off him.

“Don’t jerk up or I’ll stop,” I said sternly. He nodded, his eyes pleading me to go back. I smirked and without another word put him back into my mouth, I began sucking harder and my hand began moving faster. Shawn’s head was thrown all the way back and his breathing got heavier. I could feel his cock twitch and in seconds he had came in my mouth. I spat the cum into the bin next to the bed and got up from my position. Shawn had regained his even breathing and was now begging for me to un-cuff him. But I had other plans.

“Sit up,” I demanded, he pulled on the cuffs and sat up.

His cock was still stiff and erect. I moved to a straddling position, making sure to not touch his crotch. I then moved the tip of his cock to my entrance, placing it in slightly. I then slid down his whole member releasing a moan as I closed my eyes at the feeling. I looked at Shawn to notice his mouth hung open and his eyes were slightly closed. I began going up and down his shaft, bouncing slightly. I then began grinding on him, feeling how deep his member was going. I held on to his shoulders and placed my head in the crook on his neck, moaning in his ear.

“Un-cuff me! Un-cuff me right now Y/n! I need to touch you!” I obliged and un-cuffed him. His hands instantly going to the back of my head bringing me in to kiss him. The kiss was deep and loving. His hands moved to my hips and helped them rock against him. I moaned into the crook of his neck as he went deeper and deeper. I felt the familiar knot in my stomach.

“I’m gonna c-cum Shawn,” I whispered into his ear.

“So am I, cum for be Y/n,” As soon as the words left his lips I came undone. I was a moaning mess. I raked my nails down his back, moaning loudly.

Shawn came seconds after me. He began thrusting upwards riding his orgasm out. His mouth formed an ‘O’ shape and his eyes shut tightly, moaning my name over and over again. We both rode out our climaxes.

Breathing heavily, I got off Shawn and laid down on the bed next to him. Shawn pulled me by the waist closer to him. I rested my head on his chest, hearing his racing heartbeat. We were lying there panting in each others arms.

“Does that teach you a lesson about not touching yourself when I’m not home?” Shawn breathed out, smirking down at me. I nodded, leaning up and kissing him gently. My fingers going form his jaw to his cheek. I noticed the red marks on my wrists and traced them, they didn’t hurt but it looked like it should’ve.

Shawn noticed, he gently held my wrists in his hands, examining them. His eyes filled with concern, guilt and sympathy. I kissed his cheek whispering “it’s not your fault” over and over again.

Shawn pulled me into a kiss, his hands running up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps.

“I love you Y/n, so much,” Shawn said as he leaned his forehead against mine. I leaned up and kissed him softly.

“I love you too Shawn, so much.”


A/N: You’re taking the pill btw so that’s why he didn’t use a condom.

The Good, The Bad, and The Not Interest: Chap 1

You growled in your seat with your arms cross and your blood boiling. Your friends had dragged you out to a country club in the middle of some hoedank town on a Friday night. To make it worse you were the designated driver so you couldn’t even drink enough to forget you were here.


“Don’t be so sour the band is about to play!” One of your friends cheered.


Another began to swoon, “Ooh it’s the Gunslingers tonight isn’t it?!”


You sighed trying not to ruin your friends’ mood, “You guys go have fun, I’ll watch your stuff here.”


The band stepped out and started to set up, every girl hooped and hollered at the sight of the esteemed Jesse McCree, leader of the Gunslingers. In your eyes he wasn’t anything special, just a wild eyed, hairy country guy. You rolled your eyes and carried your friends’ purses to the bar, “Water please.”


The bartender nodded and slid you a glass, you carried it back to the table as the music began. Jesse winked at you as he strummed his guitar. “Dang, girl, look at you stopping me in my boots. What’s a country boy to do, but say Uh uh!”


You quirked a brow as you took note of the other band member, he looked at McCree with a confused expression and did his best to follow the beat.


“Stop beating my chest up, you’re down right dangerous, that shake got me gitty up got my eyes what what.” Both men sang in unison. “Sippin’ on this seven-seven, never been this close to heaven got the pretty turned up to eleven droppin’ them dead on the dance floor! Somebody better call a doctor she’s a little heart stopper, I’m talkin’ breaker breaker one-niner. She’s a flatliner, oh she’s a flatliner!”

You didn’t stay to hear the rest of the song, you really wanted to get out of the bar and go home. You watched your friends party in front of the stage, all you could do was wait.


You swore under your breath when a pair of drunk rednecks flocked to your table and offered to buy you a drink.


“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got two drunk friends I have to drive home.” Your words laced with passive-aggressiveness.


“Aww don’ be that way baby doll, let the bent brothers buy you a drink.” One urged.


You set down your water and glared daggers at them, “Keep on bothering me and i’ll give you a pair of broken sticks.”


The younger of the two took off in fear of your intimidation however the other grew angry and stuck around. When he grabbed your shoulder you locked your hand around his wrist and flung him over your shoulder. The music stopped when the man’s back slammed into the ground, you gathered your friend’s things and went outside where you decided to wait. You knew they wouldn’t come after you, they never did. You didn’t even know if they were really your friends, you’d met Lara and Tarra in college, they were senior goddesses in your freshmen eyes. They probably were your ‘friends’ because they felt sorry for you.


Cool night air watered down your rising aggression level, twenty minutes went by before Lara and Tarra eventually flocked outside. They grabbed their things and raved about how they were going to meet the Gunslingers back behind the club.


-


“What was that bout Jesse?” Dallas questioned while putting his guitar in its case. “That wasn’ tha song we agreed on.”


Jesse chuckled and tipped his hat, “Sorry partner, saw that beauty and the words flew right outa me.”


Dallas, a freckled brown haired green eyed thirty-three year old, quirked a brow. “Never did I think it wus possible fer one man ta come up with a whole song just from starin’ at a girl for a few seconds.”


“But did ya see ‘er flip that fella?” Jesse swooned. “Wooo she’s a heart-stopper.”


Dallas rolled his eyes, “From tha words of your song, I think ya mean flatliner.”


“Think her friends’ll bring ‘er round back?” Jesse stroked his beard and slipped his guitar case strap over his shoulder.


Dallas shrugged, “I reckon we go an’ see” He sighed. “Last thing I wanna do is deal with fangirls…”


The two cowboys made their way out the backdoor where only the moon and a few stars greeted them. Jesse lit a cigar and leaned against the club eagerly awaiting to see you and speak to you, he ran a few practice conversations through his head. The sound of two girls squealing and a growl signaled the two men to the three of you.


Jesse near thought he was struck by cupid’s arrow.


You were a true beauty in his eyes, your skin shimmered in the moonlight complementing the elegant black dress that hugged your curves. Your hair neat from lack of partying like the other girls, it was your eyes that really drew him in. Yet for some reason you didn’t look at him like other girls did, you didn’t flaunt over him or beg for an autograph. In fact you barely participated in the conversation, your friends talked Dallas’s ears off. Jesse talked here and there but his eyes on you, you stood under the protection of a tree. He caught the glimmer of a cord slither from your bag where you pulled out a book.


The cowboy hadn’t expected this.

Suggestive, Much?

Request: Uhh i was wondering if you could write an imagine where Remus stalks this girl all the time in library and Sirius realizes what’s going on. He tries to set them up and like can you make smut at the end maybe?

A/N: So, I didn’t make it a smut, because I wasn’t feeling it. This is a bit shorter than my other oneshots, so I might write a part two, and if I did that would definitely be a smut. And also @peterparkerimagine wanted me to tag them, so here ya go!

Warnings: Sexual implications

——————

“Why did you drag me here?” Sirius Black whined to one of his best friends, the resident Prefect Marauder, Remus Lupin otherwise known as Moony.

“Because we have an exam?” Remus offered.

“But I don’t wanna study.” Sirius whined like a 5-year-old.

“That’s great.” Remus said distractedly, looking behind Sirius.

“What are you looking,” Sirius began, turning around, “Ohh.” He turned back to Remus with a smirk on his face.

Remus looked back at Sirius and noticed his smirk. “What?” He asked.

“Does our little Moony have a crush?” Sirius teased. “I’m not ready for our little baby to grow up.” He said wiping away tears. “I have to tell James.”

“No.” Remus snapped, pointing at Sirius. “Fuck this up and I will murder you.” He growled at Sirius.

You were walking by as you heard Remus threatening Sirius and you raised your eyebrow, surprised by his antics. “Are you okay, Lupin?” You ask, slipping into the chair next to him. “Didn’t know you used such foul words.” You said with a smirk, knowing exactly how to push his buttons.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Have you met my friends?” He asked incredulously. “They’re all dipshits. All I do is swear when I’m around them.” He smirked back at you.

You raise your eyebrow before leaning closer to him, your smirk incredibly wide. “They might be dipshits, but they’re hot and fun dipshits.” You breathed into his ear, placing your hand on his thigh.

“Funny, you weren’t saying that the other night.” He whispered huskily into your ear, his words rocking you to your core. “I distinctly remember you screaming my name.”

You squeezed your thighs closer together, before standing up, then leaning down to whisper in his ear, “I think you were more of the screamer.” You returned to full height and winked at Remus before stalking off, swaying your hips a bit more than necessary.

Remus stared at your ass as you walked out, biting his lip a little. He loved the way that you could be very dorky and very confident at the same time, which brought out the dorkiness and confidence in him. You made him feel like a normal teenage boy, and that was one of the many reasons he found himself always going out of his way to see you. You both spent a lot of time in the library, so much in fact that Remus figured out how often and at what times you were in there, often finding an excuse to talk to you. It might’ve seen creepy, but you loved the attention, mainly because it showed that he was just as interested in you as you were in him. You had done the exact same thing.

As Remus turned back to Sirius he saw the knowing smirk on his best friend’s face and instantly regretted ever forcing him to study with him. “What?” He asked.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you two fucking or somethin’, mate? Cause I swear the sexual tension just peaked a whole fuckin’ lot.”

“No.” Remus sighed a bit. “I don’t really care about having sex, I mean I would like to, but I just wish she’d like me instead of messing with my mind.”

“She’s totally inta ya, mate.” Sirius drawled out, looking at his hand as hands as if he thought the conversation was the most boring thing ever.

Remus scoffed a bit, before rolling his eyes. “Sure she is,” he said, sarcasm dripping off each word.

“Just ask her out.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity. Honestly, how could someone so smart be so dumb?

Remus’ eyes widened and he shook his head furiously. “I can’t do that.” He panicked. “It’ll probably come out as ‘I want to marry you’ or ‘I want you to have my children.’ So no, I’m not going to ask her out.” He stated firmly.

“Too bad.” Sirius said with a smirk, getting up. “Your kids would’ve been so cute.” He walked away, as if nothing ever happened.

“Sirius!!” Remus screamed after him, the tips of his ears red as the blush spread across the rest of his face.

——————

You were sitting at one of the tables in the library, reading your newest read with your earbuds in your Walkman playing the mixtape your best friend had given you for the holidays. You were bobbing your head with the music, it being a nice way to drown out the world around you while you were totally engrossed in your book. You hadn’t noticed the world around you so you were yanked from your world as someone yanked one of your earbuds out.

“Hey!” You yelled at them, smacking them with your book before you even knew who it was. Apparently it was Sirius Black, and you hadn’t noticed but on your other side Remus had sat down next to you and across from you was James Potter.

He smirked at you before popping it into his ear as the intro to AC/DC’s, You Shook Me All Night Long before pulling it out and handing it back to you.

“You have nice taste.” He offered with a smirk.

Rolling your eyes at him you laughed. “Aren’t you just saying that, cause you wanna shake me all night long.” You said teasingly. You and Sirius had always been close and your friendship consisted of snarky remarks like that, but it was never flirting.

“I think one of my other mates would like to do that much more than I would.”

You rolled your eyes at him before going back to your book. Your head was bobbing as I Love Rock an’ Roll started playing. Knowing that Remus would most likely get your nerdy music muggle jokes you turned to him and asked, “Do you like rock an’ roll?”

He looked confused before nodding slightly. “Why?” He asked.

“Well I saw you standin’ by the record machine and I was wondering how long it would be till you were with me?”

“I guess I’ll put another dime in the jukebox.” He said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “How does that sound, Baby? I guess I can take you home. Where we can be alone.”

“And you’re gonna be with me.”

“You?”

“Yeah, me.”

“I love rock an’ roll.”

“Yeah, me too.” You said with a smirk on your face. “I’m glad someone can understand my nerdy muggle jokes around here.” You said with a laugh.

“Do you like The Beatles?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, but I’m more of a Queen girl.” You reply. “My favorite Beatles songs are Eleanor Rigby and Yesterday.

“Really?” Remus asked laughing. “I pegged you for more of a Twist an’ Shout girl.”

You smirk and raise your eyebrow suggestively. “Why? Want me to Twist an’ Shout for you?” You ask, bringing your face dangerously close to his.

He smirked back at you. “We all know that you want to.”

“Maybe.” You whispered to him, placing a hand on his thigh.

“Really?” He asked, his voice deep and husky.

You stared into his green eyes for a while, your eyes flickering to his plump lips as his did the same.

Licking your suddenly dry lips, you brought your face slightly closer, your noses almost brushing. “Kiss me.” You whispered to him.

“What?” He asked nervously, his ears starting to burn.

“Kiss me.” You repeated, bringing your face closer to his, your eyes fluttering shut.

Your lips finally met, and holy shit, was it better than anything you ever imagined. Unlike all the suggestive comments you two used to flirt with each other, the kiss was sweet and innocent, as if you both wanted to savor this moment of bliss forever. Which you did.

When you both pulled away, you were both blushing heavily, though poor Remus seemed to be having trouble comprehending what just happened.

“Um, (Y), (Y/N),” He stuttered out. “Um, I uh, look, I uh.” He started mumbling incoherently.

“Yes?” You ask, slightly worried and confused.

“Willyougooutwithme?” He mumbled.

“Remus, I didn’t understand anything you just said.” You told him.

“I uh, I want you to have my children.” He rushed. He then realized his own words and looked mortified.

You laughed at the poor boy in front of you, who started to blush even harder. “How bout’ a butterbeer, and then we can discuss kids?” You suggest, causing him to smile widely.

“You mean you’ll go out with me?” He asks you, with joy apparent on his face.

You laugh again before cupping his face. “Of course I will Remus.” You grab your stuff and stand up. “I really like you.” You offered him a big smile.

“I uh, like you a lot, too.” He said while blushing and avoiding your gaze.

You stand behind him and place your hands on his shoulders before leaning down till you were at level with his ear. “And maybe on our second date you can get me to Twist an’ Shout for you, eh?”

——————

So, that was it. Hope that satisfied the request! Please send me requests, or just rant or anything! I love knowing that you guys are out there! I’m always up to talk!