this is the last of it i’ll say here because i feel like, weird and wrong talking about it, at all, but it’s just like.. so unfair and fucking stupid that someone can be fine a few days ago and you can be talking to them and laughing and hugging them and saying “i’ll see you soon” and then they’re just.. gone forever, when you swore they were fine, you’d see them again soon, and then you think about how selfish of a person you are for not staying longer or saying more and even making everything about You and Your Grief and it’s like? you can’t even do anything. there’s nothing to do. you can’t ever see them again and that’s it. totally out of your power/control. and thinking about it hurts but not thinking about it makes you feel like you’re an awful person for trying to distract yourself and everyone constantly watching you has to do it w/ sympathy in their eyes like you’re always on the verge of just dropping and shattering OR they have to be analyzing all of your actions and deeming them disrespectful and the wrong way to be/feel, your grief shouldn’t be public, that’s not what people want to see/hear, it’s uncomfortable to witness, don’t break down into hysterics on the porch or in the car, it’s embarrassing, it makes everyone else uncomfortable, BUT it should be public enough so people can pick at it, peer over every piece they pull from your sorrow, and decide whether you’re behaving correctly enough, understanding the loss that you’ve experienced, and throughout there’s this whole haze hanging over everything where you know what the truth is but you’re holding onto the slim, nearly microscopic chance that what’s happening isn’t real while it keeps coming in waves that this is what happened, what’s happening, and like.. you can’t fucking DO anything
I would like to report an inaccuracy with one of your posts. The one about Mrs. O'Leary barking and Percy just gushing about how precious she is? Given how big of a good girl Mrs. O'Leary is, she would sound like 'boof', not 'woof'.