how about a table

anonymous asked:

What's you favorite supernatural crack ship? Mines Bobby's Wheelchair x Famine

Thats…. amazing.

Crack ship?

Dean’s bedside tables.

Originally posted by bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale

Seriously. They thought they were finally getting together. Cas finally becomes human and Dean brings the second one in from the storage unit, after all these years, they finally found each other. There was a good solid time of of UST and eye fucking each other across the room then BAM. Cas is re-graced, Kevin is dead, everything gone to crud and bedside table 2 gets taken back to storage.

The loss is too much and bedside table 1 succumbs to the mark. The mark left by Dean’s glass of whiskey one night as he drank himself into a stupor to not feel anymore…

remember when i was an aesthetic blog and i wanted to stay out of this community and stay out of drama but Bon kept namedropping me and making fun of me with my abuser and I asked her nicely to stop like 40000 times. now i namedrop her constantly and she never talks about me anymore. incher sting. how the tables have turned little kracker

What we really need is an adaptation of the original 1740 The Beauty and the Beast

So were you aware that the The Beauty and the Beast story we all know is a heavily abridged and rewritten version of a much longer novella by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve?  And that a lot of the plot holes existing in the current versions exist because the 1756 rewrite cut out the second half of the novella, which consisted entirely of the elaborate backstory that explains all the weird shit that happened before?  And that the elaborate backstory is presented in a way that’s kind of boring because the novel had only just been invented in 1740 and no one knew how they worked yet, but contains a bazillion awesome ideas that beg for a modern retelling?  And that you are probably not aware that the modern world needs this story like air but the modern world absolutely needs this story like air?  Allow me to explain:

The totally awesome elaborate backstory that explains Beauty and the Beast

  • Once upon a time there was a king, a queen, and their only son
  • But while the prince was still in his infancy, in a neat reversal of how these fairy tales usually go, the king tragically died, leaving his wife to act as Regent until their son reaches maturity
  • Unfortunately, the rulers of all the lands surrounding them go, “Hmm, the kingdom is ruled by a woman now, it must be weak, time for an invasion!”
  • And the Queen goes, “Well, if I let some general fight all these battles for me, he’ll totally amass enough fame and power to make a bid for the throne; if I want to protect my son’s crown, I have no choice but to take up arms and lead the troops myself!
  • (Btw, I want to stress that this woman is not Eowyn or Boudica and nothing in the way her story is presented suggests that she had any interest martial exploits before or in any way came to enjoy them during these battles.  This is a perfectly ordinary court lady who would much rather be embroidering altar covers for the royal chapel and playing with her child until necessity made her go, “Oh no, this sucks, I guess I have to become a Warrior Queen now” and she just happened to kick ass at it anyway.)
  • And the Queen totally kicked ass, but the whole “twice as good for half the credit” thing meant that no matter how many battles she won, potential enemies refused to take her and her army seriously until she had defeated them so no sooner would she fend off one invasion than another one would pop up on a different border.
  • So she spent the majority of her young son’s life away from the castle leading armies, but it was OK because she left him in the care of her two best friends, who just happen to be fairies!  This was an awesome idea because a) fairies have magic, and therefore are like the best people to protect the prince from any threats and b) fairies consider themselves to be so above humanity that the lowest fairy outranks the highest mortal, so they’d have no interest in taking a human throne.  Good thing they were both good fairies instead of one good and one evil one!
  • (Spoiler:  they were not both good fairies.)
  • So the two fairies basically take turns raising the prince until he’s old enough to rule.  And on the eve of his twenty-first birthday, the evil older one comes into the prince’s bedroom.
  • “So listen, kid.  You’re about to become king, your mother’s on her way home from the war to see you crowned, and I have a third piece of good news for you!  You see, I’ve actually been spending so much time here lately because Fairyland’s become a bit too hot to hold me for reasons totally not related to me being secretly evil.  And if I have to hang in the human world, I might as well reside in the upper echelons of it, so even though as a powerful fairy I completely eclipse your puny human status in a staggeringly unimaginable way, since you’re about to be king and since my premonition that I should stick this whole guardianship thing out because you would be hot one day has totally proved accurate (go me), I will graciously lower myself to allowing you to marry me.  Please feel free to grovel at my feet in gratitude.  (Btw, we can totally start the wedding night now, we’ll tell your mother about it when she arrives tomorrow.)”

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4

dancing lessons

dedicated to my favorite person, rena, for making me love these two

Casual breakdown of all the gay homoerotic Gafou goodness from Disney's first canon gay subplot:

▪️when Gaston says he likes a girl and LeFou is all, “why do you need a girlfriend when we have each other?”
▪️LeFou freaking the fuck out every time a woman looks at Gaston
▪️LeFou straight up telling women to back the fuck off before sashaying smugly after Gaston
▪️"I’m not done with you"
▪️LeFou looking wistful and practically drooling while Gaston describes a life married to him in a cozy house
▪️LeFou straight up rubbing Gaston’s ears and massaging his body
▪️…and Gaston freaking out when he realizes another man who isn’t LeFou has taken over the massage
▪️LeFou singing about Gaston’s heart breaking abilities
▪️the cabaret worthy moment when LeFou throws himself on a table and sings about how manly Gaston is
▪️LeFou crawling around on all fours while Gaston sings about “shooting from behind”
▪️obviously when LeFou twirls into Gaston’s arms and snuggles the fuck up
▪️Gaston picking LeFou up to demonstrate his strength (how were they so good at that? Like this was definitely practiced)
▪️the infamous BELLY BITE from when Gaston and LeFou “wrestled” (this might be the crowning gay moment of them all tbh)
▪️Gaston grabbing LeFou’s chin and cupping his face and gazing into his eyes in a deliberate attempt to disorientate and manipulate through sexy intimacy

Hit me up if I missed anything, there was such a sea of gay some of it might have passed me by

8

Look, when I got these powers… I was really lucky, in a weird way. I had a lot of people helping me through all of this. I had Wells, both of them. Jay and Zolomon. I mean, two of them turned out to be bad people, but they were good teachers who taught me how to use my powers. I just don’t think that I’ve been that for you yet.

anonymous asked:

How does one use books of tabletop rpg's , do you have to read all 200-500 pages or skip to the parts that u actually need atm

It depends on the RPG but somebody at the table should have read at least most of the book at least once. But for example the first time I played DND the only parts of the book I was familiar with were the 2 or 3 pages that contained the info for my race/class. My DM knew an approximation of the ruleset and I learned the game through playing it under their knowledge. It’s been over a decade since then and I still don’t think I’ve actually read any core DND rule book from cover to cover, just referenced things when I needed to know them.

If you’re running a game that nobody at the table, including yourself, knows anything about, how much of the book you read is going to depend on how much you care about sticking to the rules 100%. If you’ve got a grip on how characters are generated and how conflicts are resolved in the system then you’re probably good to go on a basic version of the game. If something comes up in gameplay, like crafting enchanted arms and armor, you can either look it up or make it up.

IMO the only rule that needs to be followed 100% is having fun. Even if you do read all 500 pages of a rule book you can always disregard the parts of it that aren’t fun to you and your friends.

So this is a review for the restaurant I work at. I took care of this exact table. They lied about how long it took their food to come out (25 mins exactly on their ticket, which it should have been approx 18, it did take longer than expected). They lied about it not being busy, we were all running our asses off, the dining room was on a fucking 30 minute wait for LUNCH. I checked their table repeatedly as they were waiting, they never asked for refills because they never had to. When their salads came out I asked them how they looked and the guy picked at it and said “I don’t wanna say anything…” and I asked him to please tell me so I can fix it for them. He said his salmon was undercooked - after I explained to him, when he was ordering, that our salmon is cooked to MEDIUM unless requested otherwise. It came out medium.

THEY didn’t send their salads back, I did after insisting upon it to make them happy. They seemed glad at the time. Not only was I spending more time on them than anyone else in my section, but also my manager came out, explained the salmon to them a second time, and paid for their entire meal when I prompted him to.

These people are fucking insufferable. They got a free meal because THEY didn’t listen, and endless apologies, and their service was in fact fucking excellent. I don’t understand why they felt the need to lie and make us look so bad. Fuck these assholes.

And to boot…the guy said “I don’t wanna say anything.” Like, imagine how scathing this bitch would have been if I hadn’t pried it out of him. You can’t make people like this happy. They WANT to be mad.

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Chanyeol:</b> Are you cold baek?<p/><b>Baekhyun:</b> *nods*<p/><b>Chanyeol:</b> Here take my jacket<p/><b>Jongin:</b> Are you cold kyungsoo ?<p/><b>Kyungsoo:</b> Uh-<p/><b>Jongin:</b> heRE TAKE MY JACKET,TAKE MY SHIRT,TAKE MY HAND,TAKE MY LIFE<p/><b>Kyungsoo:</b> ...<p/><b>Jongin:</b> ...*heavy breathing*<p/><b>Kyungsoo:</b> How about you take me on this table right here--<p/><b>Chanyeol,Baekhyun:</b> AWW ASFSYJDNHSVSJIANSVDJKSGAHAGSIK<p/></p><p/></p>
Emissary

Summary: To keep the peace, Stiles agrees to be emissary to the Hale pack.

Notes: I saw some posts about emissary bonds, and I just had to write one myself. (On AO3)


Stiles had said, more than once, that it was a bad idea. That they were risking the safety of the pack, taking too much of a chance.

But he’d done it anyway.

He’d gotten himself bonded to Derek of the Hale pack, and it wouldn’t be long before they figured out that he was a fraud. That Stiles had barely had enough magic to complete the mountain ash circle required by the ritual.

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Special Instructions (1/?)

Summary: Drunk Emma really likes pizza. She also really happens to like the cute delivery guy who seems content to carry out all of her wishes via the “Special Instructions” box on the website.  (AO3)
Rating: M (eventually)
Word Count: ~1700

This has been burning a hole on my desktop for a couple months now and I just really felt like if I didn’t start posting it would probably never get finished… I’m a couple chapters in with the writing but I think this is going to end up being like between 10 and 15 chapters, all roughly the same length if I can pull it. We’ll see how that goes. Anyway, this was gonna just be like a cheesy smut fic originally but I apparently like to overthink things and it became slightly cuter of an idea…

@stubble-sandwich THANKS FOR LETTING ME GUSH ABOUT THIS STUPID IDEA WITH YOU. Look at me, finally posting the fuckin pizza guy au… christ…

Special instructions: pls make smiley face with pepperoni, i could use something happy right now

She’d typically have left the box blank but Emma was currently full of self-pity and a little too drunk to really care how she appeared to the rest of the world.

Two years she’d spent with Walsh. Two years of warm embraces and whispered I love you’s and sweet kisses and integrating him into her close-knit group of friends despite some heavy resistance – especially from David; she reminded herself to give her brother a hug later for trying – and for what? 

For him to just “reconnect” with his ex at what was supposed to be their engagement party?

“I’m so sorry, Em. I never meant to hurt you like this. It just… happened. I can’t help how I feel.”

She scoffed in disgust. What an asshole. A total prick.

She finished off her fifth – sixth? – bottle of beer and popped open another. Maybe after another few she’d forget the sight of him with his tongue down that other woman’s throat. Maybe she’d forget the shock and guilt on his face when she’d dropped her glass of champagne at seeing them together, stunned to see her betrothed blatantly cheating on her by the bathrooms while their party guests mulled about in the main room, completely clueless.

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A Little Romance (RWBY Snippet)

“Ruby, I have a business proposal that I’d like you to consider.”

“A business proposal, Weiss?” Ruby grinned. “Today?”

“Yes, Ruby, today.” Weiss handed Ruby the file. “Please, read it and let me know what you think.”

Ruby had only gotten a few lines in when her lips began to twitch. “Weiss… this doesn’t seem like a business proposal even if you’ve formatted it like one.”

“Is that so…”

“It says that you want complete romantic exclusivity.” Ruby glanced at Weiss. “On a permanent basis.”

“You would be adequately compensated by the pleasure of my company,” Weiss replied archly. “And I’ve been told that my company is very pleasurable.”

“Yeah… it is.” Ruby chuckled as Weiss blushed.

“Ruby! You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, it’s what I meant.” Ruby continued to read. “You also want us to cohabit permanently.”

“It would be the most efficient thing to do.”

“And you’d like us to, and I quote, ‘Consider the possibility of progeny’.”

“Two or three would be preferable although I’m open to having more or less depending on your opinion.”

Ruby raised one eyebrow. “You would also like to make this commitment public through the holding of a formal ceremony and the display of matching rings.” Ruby put the file down. “Weiss… are you asking me to marry you?”

The Schnee made a face. “Maybe… are you saying yes or no?”

“And you call me a dork,” Ruby teased before leaning across the table to kiss Weiss’s lips. “But yes, I’m saying yes.” Her eyes twinkled. “But you’ll have to add a few clauses to the contract.”

“Whatever you want.”

“I didn’t read anything in there about cookies or strawberries. Add something.”

“I’ll buy you the world’s biggest bakery and the world’s biggest strawberry farm.”

“There also wasn’t anything in there about marital relations.” Ruby smiled at Weiss. It was a distinctly toothy smile. “There definitely needs to be something in there about that.”

“I could, ahem, add something to that effect too. What were you thinking?”

“Hmm…” Ruby tapped Weiss’s cheek. “I was thinking a lot.”

“A lot?”

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Uh… how much is a lot?”

Ruby leaned across the table again. “How about I show you?”

“Um…”

X     X     X

“Hmm… Weiss’s office is locked.” Blake frowned. “I wonder if she went home…” The Faunus trailed off as her keen hearing picked up on some very distinct sounds. “Nope. She definitely didn’t go home, and neither did Ruby.”

Friday Night

Pairings- Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings- Attempted fluff.

It started when your favorite TV show changed its timings.

  Now, you had to work at four in the evening, and couldn’t be watching TV at that time. Even though new episodes aired once a week on Fridays, it wasn’t worth your hide playing hooky- you worked for Nick Fury, directly under Steve Rogers. And paperwork sucked, but all the Avengers had to do it. Well, except Tony, he paid Peter to do his.

  Your only other option was to stay up Friday night and catch the show’s repeat at one am. 

  So at half past twelve you settled down in the huge living area of the Avengers compound, with plenty of candy, a fluffy pillow and a blanket.


  Bucky woke up screaming, as usual. 

 He found himself sitting up in bed, gasping for breath, his mind a mess of broken images and chants of “Heil Hydra!”

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Music to my Ears (M)

Originally posted by dimblethum

Reader (you) x Jaebum

Word Count: 1560

Warnings: SMUTTT (choking kink???)

note: idk how i got this idea but i decided to write this down and now i may need holy water. producer jaebum is so hot!!! just prepare yourself for the hotness of this man. also i wrote this while listening to his soundcloud so… yeah haha. happy reading and take care! -admin


It was late at night with people going out and about, cars driving around with their headlights on, and businesses lit their fluorescent signs. But as you and Jaebum sat in his studio room, alone, you two blocked out the sounds of the night life with his music that he created. You were always fascinated with your boyfriend’s skill and the way he produced his music. Some songs were very meaningful in the lyrics and others were more sexual. But you were too afraid to admit that his songs turned you on.

You sat on the couch in his studio room, taking another sip of beer that Jaebum bought for you before you two settled down in his studio. You bit your lip and observed your boyfriend who worked on his songs. His hair slicked back, revealing his forehead, and his broad back faced you. The song that he was working on played through the studio speaker, his voice filling up the room. It was music to your ears and the lyrics were somewhat sexual, turning you on slightly.

“Does that sound good, babe?” Jaebum said, turning off the music and turned his chair to face you.

“Yeah, it does.” You smiled at him as you set down the beer bottle on the table and started to walk towards him. “How about we take a break?”

“Sounds good to me.” Jaebum sighed as he slouched on his chair and watched you walk over to him. You climbed up onto his lap and straddled him, while running your hands through his soft hair.

“You’ve been working so hard these days.” You slurred, slightly drunk from the beer but sober enough to control your actions. “You deserve a reward for your work.”

“And what is my reward?” Jaebum asked in a playful manner, raising his eyebrows as his hands started to wander around your body.

You sent Jaebum a wink and bit your lip, “Me.”

Jaebum then took your face and pulled you down so that your lips crashed with his. His lips kissed you with full passion, demanding more your sweet mouth by teasing you. He pressed his tongue on seam of your lips and, at your grant of access, delved inside your mouth, leaving you breathless. His lips moved in sync with yours as his hands played with the hem of your shirt. Swifty, he lifted the fabric up and away from your body, throwing it aside on the studio floor.

Jaebum broke away from the kiss as he motioned you to climb off of him so you could take off your pants. You did as he wanted, slowly undressing yourself and bending down to get rid of your pants, letting Jaebum get a good view of your ass. You heard Jaebum take in a hitch of air as he watched you put on a show for him. You walked over to him, sending Jaebum another wink and you climbed up on his lap, straddling him once again.

“You look so fucking hot, baby girl.” Jaebum growled as his hands made their way up to your breasts, massaging it slightly causing you to let out a low moan. You grabbed on to the back of Jaebum’s chair as his hands started to do their magic. Skillfully unhooking your bra and throwing it on the floor, he played with the nubs as you bit your lips to contain yourself from moaning out loud. After giving your breasts a good squeeze, his hands slowly made their way down to your heat. You tried to prop yourself up so that there was enough space for Jaebum to do his work.


“Mhmm,” Jaebum hummed as he palmed your heat, “Someone’s getting needy.”

Jaebum slid his hand, ever so slowly, inside your panties as he let his fingers get coated with your essence. You bit your lip as you felt Jaebum’s fingers tease your hole before gliding it up to your clit. He started to move in circular motion, slowly, as you let out breathy whines from your mouth. Jaebum pressed on your clit harder, increasing the rate of his fingers as your grip of the hair became tighter. You rested your head on Jaebum’s shoulders as he pushed in two fingers into your sopping sex.

“Fuck, right there Jae.” You moaned as Jaebum’s fingers hit your sweet spot. He started off slowly, making you whine under his touch, until he switched to his brisk pace. The lewd sound of Jaebum’s fingers going in and out of your tight core filled up the room along with your soft moans. You felt Jaebum press his lips on your neck, smirking slightly as his fingers went fast and deeper within you. You could feel a familiar pit in your stomach as the pitch of your moans started to get higher. Jaebum took that as a sign and stopped all his movements, taking out his fingers from your core and giving your ass a hard smack.

“Get off of me and get on your knees.” Jaebum demanded. You did what he said and climbed off of him and fell to you knees. You watched as Jaebum took off his shirt and threw it on the ground. Playing with his belt, he slowly sild down his pants revealing a tent below his boxers. You bit your lips as you watched your boyfriend slide down his undergarment to reveal his big cock.

“You know what to do, baby girl.” Jaebum growled as he moved his chair closer to you. “Take care of this big guy.”

You smirked at Jaebum before taking his huge length into your hands. You leaned forward and  wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, touching nothing else, just your tongue swirling around slowly. Your mouth slid all the way down to the base of his length and sucked hard. You looked up at Jaebum as his face showed full signs of pleasure. You started to work your lips, pressed tight against his hard cock, up and down, back and forth. Jaebum let out a low growl as he tugged onto your hair, enjoying your work. And just then, you slid his length out of your mouth and let out a loud pop before smirking at him. You wanted to stop this foreplay and wanted him inside of you. And Jaebum knew that.

Standing up from his chair, he motioned you over to the couch as he walked over to his bag to grab a condom. You laid back on the couch, pulling down your panties as you watched your boyfriend slip on the latex sheet. With that, Jaebum walked over to you and climbed onto the couch. Lifting both of your legs and rested them on top his shoulders, he teased the entrance of your core. He slammed into you in one go, filling up your tight walls to the hilt. He took a few seconds to recuperate the feeling of your walls swallowing his cock and he presses his forehead against yours.

“I want to hear your screams, baby girl.” He smirked before giving you a brief kiss on the lips. “They’re like music to my ears.”

With that, Jaebum pulled out again and slammed back into you, harder this time, making you arch your back. He began snapping his hips forward at a steady pace as he kissed you to swallow your screams. His thrusts becomes harder and harder by the second and Jaebum already had you screaming his name once his lips were not in contact with yours.

“You’re so fucking tight.” Jaebum growled as he thrusts into you harder and deeper than before making your breasts jiggle from his fast pace. His hands made their way up to your neck, gripping it softly as you started to reach your high. You held in your breath as Jaebum’s grip became tighter around your neck. Your oragasm hit you hard as you gripped onto Jaebum’s wrists, riding out your high as Jaebum continued to thrust in and out of you.

“Fuck!”  Jaebum let out a cry as he reached his end, his cum filling up the latex sheet. Pulling out, he removed his hand from your neck and you let out a breath, your cheeks flushed red. His body fell against yours but still had his weight balanced against his hands to make sure that he won’t crush you. You closed your eyes as you tried to catch your breath and Jaebum lifts his hand to wipe the sweat on your forehead. You opened your eyes and made eye contact with his loving eyes.

“You okay?” He managed to breath out, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

“Of course.” You flashed him a smile before looking away from him and scanning the studio room. Realizing you two made a mess on the floor, your cheeks started to flush red and you hid your face behind your hands.

“Don’t worry about the mess, babe.” You heard Jaebum chuckle as you felt him get off of you. “Now I’ll have more inspiration to write songs in this room.”

“You’ll write songs about me?” You breathed out, removing your hands from you face to look at your boyfriend.

“No,” Jaebum said as he flashed you a smirk, “I’ll write songs about your loud screams. After all, they are music to my ears.”

another thing i love about my dash is that everyone loves connor brown ??? everyone recognizes him as a really good, extremely solid player with potential and a high ceiling and upside ??? no one says he’s not as good as auston or mitch or willy and no one drags him down to make them look better ??? people just appreciate him and everything he’s done and everything that he will do for the leafs in the future and that just makes me so happy.

You don’t get to choose who you love in this world. Feelings come naturally. You’re either my brother, my friend, my schoolmate or my lover. I don’t pick who gets to be what. My heart decides. My heart decides who makes it jump and skip a beat. My heart decides who I want to look at for hours and never get tired of what I see. My heart decides how I feel about the stranger across a table or a room. My heart decides whether I believe in love at first sight or not. And I never did, until I met him. My heart picked him. The shy boy who looked at his hands more than in a strangers eyes. The boy who’s whistled tunes were his way of saying ‘hey, notice me.’ The dark haired boy who’s eyes change colour and who’s heart is pure and gentle. The boy who’s tears mean more than gold, who’s stubbornness will make you scream, and who’s passions shine brighter than the sun. The boy who needs reassurance and to know that he is enough. The boy that never gives up. My heart chose this boy a long time ago, before I knew his eyes and smile. My heart chose his because our hearts make harmonies like silk and rhythms only we can dance to. My heart chose his because the world finally goes quiet when I’m with him. I feel happiness in bulk and love like never before because my heart needed lessons on what love was. He showed me, and continues to show me. His perseverance and steadiness gives me strength. That strength gives us strength. We were told we had to learn to be independent, be full on our own. But once two hearts have been sewn together it is incredibly difficult to continue as a half. We are two wholes that stand stronger together. He is he and I am I, and together we are he and I. The ‘and’ makes us stronger, steadier, happier, and healthier. The 'and’ is what makes us a bigger whole.
My life without he and I was bleak and messy. He puts me in order, calms my heart, and brings me infinite joy. I am proud to call this stranger my boy.
—  (Your hopelessly in love girl). // 00-29