House Hunters International: Kylux Edition
As promised, here is the first part of my three part Kylux Christmas Series, House Hunters International, Kylux Edition! Stay tuned for more antics and real estate bliss!
Kylo rolls his eyes, taking his arm from around Hux’s shoulders.
“We literally haven’t even gotten out of the car yet,” Kylo sighs.
“And l already know I hate it,” Hux snaps. “Javier, you can take us to the next property.”
“You’re not doing this!” Kylo says. “Javier, it’s fine. We would LOVE to see the house.”
“We most certainly would NOT.”
“Fine!” Kylo says. “You can stay in the car, and I’ll go see the house. That way if I like it, there’s nothing you can do to stop me from signing.”
“That’s not all you’ll be signing.”
Hux mouths the words “divorce papers” at Kylo’s exasperated face.
“Right, I’m sure,” Kylo nods. “Let’s go, Javier.”
Finn lowers his camera, glancing uncomfortably at the bickering couple.
“Um, actually, Mr. and Mr. Hux, you both have to see the property, at risk of breaching the contract.”
Hux glares at Finn with eyes that could gun down an entire army. For a moment, the nervous cameraman thinks he might be in for a fight; that is, until Hux sighs in defeat, and steps gingerly from the car, taking care not to get sand on his expensive looking shoes.
“Alright, Javier,” Hux bites icily. “What’s the deal with this place?”
Javier narrows his eyes, before regaining his professional facade.
“This house is three bedroom, three and a half bath, with an indoor and outdoor kitchen and beach access right out the back. The cost is under budget at $800,000.”
“Under budget is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?”
“Well, this is true, but for your first property, I wanted to give you something that truly speaks to Panamanian culture and tradition.”
Kylo glances to Hux, unsure. If they wanted culture and tradition, they would have asked for it, after all.
Javier guides the pair inside, and Hux immediately looks underwhelmed.
“The ceilings are a bit…low,” he murmurs.
Indeed, Kylo looks a bit ridiculous standing in the foyer, when he could touch the ceiling just by reaching his arm up. Javier tries his hardest to collect himself in the face of disappointed, future home owners.
“If you’ll follow me into the living room,” he says, “you’ll see this isn’t the case for the rest of the home.”
Kylo and Hux follow their realtor to the living room, which opens up into the kitchen and dining area. A large, floor to ceiling window offers an impressive view of the ocean.
Javier glances toward the couple, a look of expectance on his face. Surely this view will give a great first impression on these first time home owners!
“What?” Hux asks. “Do I have something on my face?”
As if to further his point, Hux looks to Kylo, who peers for a second, then shakes his head.
“You’re good, babe.”
Javier holds back a sigh.
“As you can see,” he continues, “The balcony has a lovely ocean view, perfect for cooking outdoors and relaxing.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen better,” Kylo drawls. “You got anything with a waterfall?”
The sound of Hux smacking his own forehead echoes through the empty house.
“You failed to mention a fucking waterfall earlier,” he says.
“Language, babe,” Kylo replies smugly. “This is television.”
“Um, it’s cool, we can edit it out,” Finn says hesitantly.
“See, darling?” he chirps. “They can fucking edit it the fuck out.”
Finn is beginning to wish they had picked the couple that may or may not have been a part of the mob.
Kylo and Hux follow the crew into the first bedroom, where again, they seem to be rather underwhelmed.
“Not big enough,” Kylo says. “We like a big bed.”
The bathroom, also, appears to be a complete fail.
“One sink?” Hux sniffs. “I worked my ass off for twelve years for one sink?”
“He likes his own sink,” Kylo explains to the crew, hoping this will clear up any confusion over Hux’s sour attitude.
The other two bedrooms are written off as unimportant, and by the time Javier is leading the couple to the back, Hux is on the phone with a business partner and Kylo is asking about the next property.
“How big is the shower? We like a big shower. I like those showers where you can sit down and stuff…”
Finn is beginning to wonder how they’re going to get any useable footage from House #1, when he overhears Hux’s phone conversation.
“…well TELL THE PRESIDENT that if he wants to talk he’ll need to make an appointment with reception, I hold no loyalty to the American government…well if it was the bloody QUEEN, then maybe things would be different, but it isn’t, so they’re not!”
Finn glances at Javier, who already looks a bit run down after only one house tour.
“Maybe we should just go to the next location,” Finn suggests. “I don’t think this is what they want.”
As if to further Finn’s point, Kylo shouts from outside on the deck, his voice carrying loudly into the living room.
“Can we get something with a pool? And like, maybe a water slide?”
“Um…” he begins, raising his voice so as to be heard more clearly, “There aren’t that many houses with water slides already installed…”
But Kylo is already asking about air filters, and Hux is so into his phone call that his interest in the property is completely lost.
“Mitaka,” Hux snaps into his iPhone, “I swear to all things holy, if I don’t see Josh Groban onstage singing his fucking heart out at our secret santa extravaganza, there will be NO Christmas bonus on your desk come December!!”
Javier sighs. This might just be the hardest sale he’s ever had to make…and this one will be on national television.
Bravely, he takes a breath, puts on a smile, and claps his hands together with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.
“Alright!” he announces. “Let’s go see the next property.”
I hope you enjoyed! :) Happy Holidays, yall.