house of screams

an incomplete list of PANGUR SINS:

sat on my mother’s lap & then bit her, curled up beside Marmaduke & then bit him, accepted a kiss from Grim & then slapped her, filled the house w sharp screams at 3am bc she fell asleep downstairs & woke up Alone, bellowed for food & then continued bellowing bc the brand was unsatisfactory, bellowed for play & then continued bellowing bc her toy was boring, developed an overwhelming phobia toward her new toy  (it squeaks when you bite it), tore a hole in the couch & then hid inside for 3 hours to escape The New Toy, woke me up by licking my cheek repeatedly til it was raw & painful, woke me up by lying across my neck & cutting off my airflow, woke me up by starting a fight w Grim on my chest, woke me up by biting through the skin of my toes,

Beginner Witch Tips

WARNING: I am a sarcastic butthole and it shows through out this hot mess of a post. This is some random craft junk I have learned in my days of practicing witchcraft

Witch craft is not magic.

I don’t care what you have heard. Witchcraft is not magic. It can not turn your eyes different colors. It can not make you into a animal. You will not be able to control the weather or summon wind with your fingers. Ghosts will not do as you say. This is not Harry Potter. Case closed

Intent over tools

Do you think it’s gonna matter if you use a butter knife as an athame? Or you have to sub a white candle for another color because you don’t have the funds to buy that color? Or you had to leave out an ingredient because you don’t have it or you’re allergic? No, it’s not. Witchcraft (to me) is about mind over matter. If you are making an effort for your God/god/goddess/deity/elf/fae/etc it isn’t gonna matter what or how you got there, but the intent you had getting there

Cursing and hexing is up to you and your beliefs

Totally up to you if you believe that this is okay or not. However, if you don’t like this, do not go and tell someone else it’s wrong. If they ask you how you feel you can tell them it’s not your thing. If you do like this, do not go and tell someone else it’s fine and try to get them to accept it. If they ask you about it, you can tell them that you are into it

You do not have to have an alter

It’s up to you and your practice. And if you can where you are etc. If you want one and can not have one, draw one or, my favorite, Set up a pinterest board for your god/goddess/fae/elf/deity etc. and save things that you thing relate to them.

It’s not about fancy stuff

This goes back to intent over tools, as long as you are comfortable with what you are doing and using, do it and use it. I use salsa and yogurt containers, coffee filters taped together, M&M tubes, and envelopes to keep crap in. I use a 99¢ Wal-Mart bandanna to do spells on that I got from Girl Scout camp and it has rainbow peace signs all over it. Do I care? Nope. Does anyone else care or will they judge you? Nope. we are all in the same boat here.

Hand making things is way too underrated  

I LOVE hand making things. Whether you are good or bad at it, it is a good way to save money, and personalize it just for you. Example: I made tarot cards out of printer paper that I cut out and wrote the card name, and definition of what it means (to me) and I love them. Pencil wand? Yas queen. DIY cauldron out of play-dough? Frick me u p daddy.

DONT EAT/SMOKE/DRINK SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT

You’d think I would have to include this bUT
Some things are okay to consume. Sometimes if taking a certain medicine you can’t consume that. Sometimes you are allergic to one thing, and in turn you will be allergic to that thing too. Sometimes you are pregnant and it’S HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO CONSUME THINGS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT DOES

Never ignore professional medical advice and help in favor of witchcraft methods.

Case c l o s e d

Spirit workers

Not nice spirits can attach to people who have depression and anxiety more so than people who don’t

There are good and bad spirits. if one makes you feel comfomy, do not feel bad for asking it to leave/getting rid of it

Don’t ask your tarot cards every time you have a question

This happens a lot. Especially when you get a new deck and it’s so new and shiny and you can’t w a i t to get your grubby little hands on it and do crap >:D but you don’t want to get into the habbit of “ohgoshgollybatman I have to go to the store, okay let’s see if I’ll get hit by a car… oh and do I really need the applejuice..”  or “do I REALLY need this plant..” bc the answer to that is always yes duh

Divination is not for predicting the future

Now stay with me, it is for guiding you in the future. It can not tell you what day you are going to die, who you are going to marry, etc 

The future is not written in stone

Let’s sayyyyy you do a simple past, present, and future reading with tarot, and you get a bad reading for the future, it doesn’t matter. That is how it is going right now, now you can see what you need to change etc 

You dont need a fancy journal for a grimore or book of shawdows

Heckadoodle I use a binder and notebook paper so I can move stuff around. I just write with a pencil and pen, and color with dollar store crayons or collered pencils. 
Now, you may be thinking, “Oh but, it’s a nice binder right?” Lemme stop you right there. It is falling apart, needs to be ducktaped, has a picture of my doggo inside and I’ve used it for school for abouutt.. 7 years?
Summin’ it up: It don’t gotta be fancy

If you forget to blow out candles set a timer on your phone

I do this all the freaking time and I’ll leave a candle out, and then here comes mother. Closet underage witches know the struggle. Trying to explain why you have a burning candle left in your room. Or if you are adult and have to adult after a spell or whatever and leave the house and come back to the candle just sittin’ there. Burning away. (my mom did this once and it caught her table on fire)
Timer. Yep.

You don’t have to know a certain language 

This is more focused to me bc i am nerd but okie dokie
I know Latin from school, therefore I mix it into my spells (like some on @witchy-recipes-and-things) and provide a translation. I don’t want anyone to think you have to have a certain language for your craft.

How to Ouija

Tbh this is too long already so if you want another post on it tell me and I’ll make one and link it

Sigils can be drawn everywhere

In your phone case, in your wallet, in a shoe, under fingernail polish, under seats, wherever whatever-I can also elaborate more on this

TAROT IS PRONOUNCED “TARO”

CONSENT IS KEY

When doing love spells, consent from the other person is a must. 

You can be a christian, athiest, pagan, whatever, and still do witchcraft

It is about the craft, not religion 

Witchcraft is not a religion, Wicca is

And you do not have to be Wiccan to partake in Witchcraft

Sage doesn’t have to be in cone shape to burn it

I put rubbed sage meant for cooking on a metal plate and torch the sucker Shane Dawson style but with one of the long lighters, then run around my house in my underware screaming “MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPEL YOU BITCH” in Latin

When cleansing 

OPEN.THE.WINDOWS.WHEN.DEALING.WITH.SMOKE
Trust your witch mother who is allergic to everything and is an asthmatic, open the windows and doors.
Also, as the smoke leaves you room through the windows or whatever, the spirits/bad vibes/etc leave with it

You don’t have to believe everything you read

Witchcraft is how YOU feel about things. No matter how other people feel about things

You can have your own corresponces for things

Like I think cinnamon is hot, deals with the sun, direction south, used for healing love etc., but it can be totally different for you

Divination doers do not have to be witches and witches do not have to be divination doers

S T U D Y

Can not stress this enough. This is the best thing to do even if you can not practice your craft where you are atm. knowledge is power.

So here is a list I’ve complied :D (yes I’ve made all of these, I was too bored to ask people’s permission to add things, sue me) (All of the spells are all religion inclusive)

Learn you star sign with detail
Edible Flower List
Witch Tools
Tarot Meanings Cheat Sheet

Good First Spell-Calming Tea Spell
DIY Charcoal Pencil
Get Shit Done Bottle
Spell to Sleep
Sea in a Bottle
Protection and Calm Bottle
Find a Item You Lot

Referring to “When cleansing”, Line two, words 3-4, I am now your witch mother and if you ever have any questions feel free to ask! This list was requested from a witchling and if you have any requests feel free to ask :3

ok but imagine Pidge as the Toddler From Hell™ terrorizing teenage Matt and Shiro (but mostly Matt)

  • Shiro comes over to hang out with Matt and they’re left home alone to look after Pidge. Somehow Shiro accidentally lets the f-word slip in front of lil toddler Pidge and suddenly Pidge is running around the house screaming “FUCK” at the top of her lungs.
    • Matt is chasing her, completely pale and trying to shush her while Shiro just: “SHIT I’m so sorry oh wait cRAP I DIDN’T MEAN TO–ohmygod I should shut up now I am so sorry….”
    • Pidge: “FUCK!! SHIT!! CRAP!!” (Matt is screaming in the background)
    • Later that night at dinner….
      • Sam @ Pidge: “So, sweetie, did you have fun with Matt and Shiro today?”
      • Pidge: “FUCK!!”
      • Matt goes white as a sheet, Sam turns red, and Colleen nearly faints
        • Matt takes the fall and says he accidentally said the f-word in front of Pidge, not Shiro
      • Years later, Pidge is like “holy crap isn’t Shiro the one who actually taught me the f-word” and Shiro’s like “oh fuck, I meAN SHIT I MEAN I DIDN’T, IT WASN’T ME IT WAS MATT!!”
  • Pidge tattled on Matt ALL THE TIME. Like the time he wanted to try driving their dad’s car and backed it into a trash can. Rip Matt.
  • MATT FALLS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH AND PIDGE DRAWS ON HIS FACE WITH SHIRO’S HELP
    • Shiro actually caught Pidge in the act but he decided to join in rather than stop her
  • PIDGE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WITH MATT AND SHIRO AND WINNING BECAUSE (of course) THEY LET HER
    • Later she secretly watches them play from the doorway when she got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night aND SHE FIGURES OUT THEY WERE GOING EASY ON HER SO SHE SITS HER ASS DOWN AND THROWS A FUCKING TANTRUM RIGHT THERE
    • The next time they play, Shiro and Matt play fairly per Pidge’s request, but of course she loses and proceeds to throw another tantrum :’)
  • Matt brings home a girl he has a crush on and PIDGE SHOWS HER HIS DIARY
    • Matt: “That is NOT MINE”
    • Pidge, with her hands on her hips: “Well my name isn’t MATT” *points at where Matt signed his name at the bottom of the page*
    • Shiro pops in to drop off something he borrowed from Matt and notices Matt and the girl are getting along really well and calls out, “Oh so you told her you like her?? That’s great buddy!!” and gives him a thumbs up. Matt wants to crawl into a hole and die.
      • The girl leaves 30 mins later and Shiro’s casually hanging around the kitchen like “uhhh sorry man I didn’t mean to fuck that up for you” and Matt just gives him A Look.
  • PIDGE TACKLING MATT TO THE GROUND WHEN HE’S PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AGAINST SHIRO AND YELLING “GO SHIRO GO KICK HIS BUTT AND BEAT HIM UP!!!” AND MATT’S LIKE “SLFAHJF GET OFF OF ME” AND SHIRO IS JUST FURIOUSLY HITTING BUTTONS ON HIS CONTROLLER
    • Shiro wins after Matt finally gets his tiny sister off him
    • Matt: “You’re my sister!! Who’s side are you on?!?!”
    • Pidge, sitting in Shiro’s lap with a sHIT-EATING GRIN ON HER FACE: “Shiro’s” :DDDDD (MATT FEELS SO BETRAYED)
  • Now Matt questions how he even dealt with Pidge as a kid and she’s just like “idk but you still love me so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
Memeteen guide to Seventeen

S.coups: 

  • carats make fun of his stage name holding a couple s.coups of icecream and a S.cup of noodles 
  • chicc
  • the poor man between jeongjicheol
  • papa coups 
  • embarrasing dad
  • wings it at choreo sometimes
  • has 12 children 
  • wants to c h o k e jeonghan
  • the type of dad that would challenge his 5 yr old child to a game of soccer and then gets too competitive and swerves that bitch to get goals
  •  his smile and his smile alone gave one of Seventeen’s stages a crap ton of views
  • say the name!
  • camel
  • piggy bank
  • beagle leader
  • “eyes look like 9:15″
  • eyelashes for ddaayyyysss
  • Everybody SCREAMM
  • fireworks are the only enemy
  • My EGG YOLK T-T
  • members rebel against him at times
  • someone save him


Jeonghan:

  • John-Oops I mean Jeonghan
  • Laying down is his preferred physical state
  • swindler
  • long hair majestic unicorn and short hair majestic prince. He majestic no matter what fam
  • “Joshua was the first one to approach me”
  •  toucher of asses 
  • shamelessly feeds off of members’ love 24/7
  • Makes members have couple wallpaper and phone cases with him 
  •  "angel"
  • the mother of Seventeen
  • “Dino, nugu aegi?”
  • All members are under his spell
  • giraffe running
  • Jeonghan’s warm cup of milk
  • sa-sa-say the name seventeen 
  • Doubts OFD pds
  • bitter smile of betrayal 
  • vernon crushed his balls once
  • athletic with no stamina
  • creator of the Carat mating call: *incoherent screaming*


Joshua:

  • Gentleman
  • fukn weeaboo
  • the b e s t freestyle rapper in Seventeen. Dont @ me
  • ded meme(?) “Jisoos Christ”
  • The ‘normal one’-SIKE bitch
  • That poor waterbottle
  • When-one-of-the-members-wear-a-shirt-with-questionable-english-words-everyone-blames-me-lol  guy
  • I pledge allegence to the flag of the united states of amerca and to the re-
  • dRinK WaTeR
  • pin drop and worm master +uncle dance
  • pingpong vlive 
  • “EAT THIS” signature move
  • “over here”
  • The english teacher everyone wants and deserves 
  • white cap
  • Chicken can heal the heart
  • L.A motherfuckerss
  • piggy bank
  • “Ïm part of vocal unit too! T-T”


Jun

  • Heechul’s reincarnated body that was too early bc he aint ded lol
  • chinaline
  • child actor 
  • nyeac nyeac 
  • logos are out to get him 
  • eyeroll king 
  • punny and awkward
  • king of china
  • 404 lines not found
  • My I now
  • “Ice ice froze.” (that crazy in love Wonwoo lyric) moments
  • sexy expression
  • convinced he is the number one visual 
  • shy vlives
  • proceeds to tell members to call him handsome in chinese
  • ofd positivity boy


Hoshi: 

  • naega hosh + pose
  •  What time is it? 10:10 bitches
  • ‘ten hour ten minute’
  •  shinee’s biggest fanboy
  •  from soft 1 to hipthurst 100  real quick.
  • HAM HAM. HAMHAMHAMHAM
  • My name’s soonyoung call me soon
  • hamster cheeks
  • suffers with spicy food
  • beurora hurricane
  • Coco his chicken 
  • his love for the angsty teen makne 
  • “HEy MIDDLE" 
  • glitter face
  • pretty u first win cry face
  • Mounteen
  • kwon fire
  •  making dances out of things that inspire him; ex: crab, octopus, noodles, street lamp, backpack
  • kwon edward soonyoung 
  • refuses to be bottom visual 
  • rivalry with seungkwan and wonwoo 
  • claps like a child
  • KWON SOONYOUNG FIGHTING *wakes up* 'YYEEEEAAAHHH”
  • Grandma


Wonwoo:

  • lowkey highkey loves his own visuals 
  • beanie bro 
  • garden fairy 
  • voice so deep adele’s rollin in it 
  • “life is hamburger”
  • cheese burger aegyo 
  • emo 
  • let him sing fam
  • fukn nerddd 
  • sick wonwoo days with the plushy
  • Tsundere™
  • make him an actor pls 
  • got hit in the balls with a ball one time 
  • nose crinkle 
  • specs 
  • lack of highfives
  • middle school’s dance machine
  • him vs. Hoshi in ofd japan
  • bag of luck


Woozi:

  • Smol bean that would kill for a single cornchip 
  • Reminds me of a old grandpa teddy bear idk lol 
  • Done with life, hates aegyo and human contact, but will accept it when he wants to
  • members mock his crying from pretty u first win every chance they get 
  • if he does anything out of character they tease him about it till no end tbh
  • Suga’s son
  • his need to grab and hit people when he laughs
  • guitar is his greatest weapon
  • ccrriinnggeee & finger ccurrlll
  • producer-nim
  •  adore u is a funky pop song that has fun and fresh lyrics that match seventeen’s age on top of an addictive melody 
  • members exposing his ass in project svt


Dk:

  • the actual sun
  •  built in speakers bc he loud as shit 
  • sacrifices his beautiful face to make people laugh
  •  smile that can cure all the worlds sickness
  •  stop eating cds
  • woojoos_daddy
  • ‘come to daddy’ tee
  • horsemin MAL
  • pigeon
  • GRILLED PPPORRKK
  •  chicc
  •  pure and goes along with jokes the best 
  • heLL0 mY naMe Is LeE SeOkMIN my moTheR’S naMe Is
  • hightone rap
  • wat is basketball? 
  • do it from your heart 
  • Jeonghan’s fool 
  • mosquito 
  • Happy birfthday broo
  • orange peel king
  • wow, unbeliebable  
  • Grandpa
  • Two-teen


Mingyu:

  • MingEW and all his sneezin
  • flowercap boi 
  • tol and clumsy
  • If Seventeen doesnt drop somethign, Mingyu certainly will 
  • actually very organized and neat 
  • Minghousewife 
  • was a cheeto for a split second
  • proud father of OG BongBong 
  • Mingyu sunbaenimmm
  • Seventeen cant live without their swiss army knife 
  • Akita sound
  • oh. my. god. Oho My GOD
  • ‘Your name is bob’
  • Where Is Your Tag???
  • squeals 
  • “Seventeens official visual" 
  • oooo000OOO yEAh 


The8: 

  • got7 bambam taught him how to dab and he never looked back since
  •  thughao
  • IMMA
  • before: Yeah I’ll have her home before 10 ^-^ 

          now: she’ll spend a night at my house ;)

  • nunchuuk daddy
  • 404 no lines found pt.2
  • now My I
  • his predebut pictures are  e p i c
  • side-eye king
  • arms for days
  • fashionista
  • rolled thin porkbelly hair
  • learns more korean to roast bitches
  • flipping is his preferred transportation 
  • dirty dirty jamjam ^-^ *svt flipps out in cringe* 
  • Kermit is his bitch

Seungkwan: 

  • fresh baked buns bebe
  • divaboo
  •  just put boo in any word and it gets 100 times better
  • supports AND hates aegyo
  • Beyonce who?
  • MCboo, talk talk talk. 
  • "Thomas the train” omg rip XD 
  • Vernon’s number 1 fan
  • OHMYGOD JASMIN
  • cries in jeju accent
  • John?
  • Boonon, svts rapper 
  • Oh Laaaddiieesss~~ this is your story 
  • red 
  • haunted house screaming 
  • volleyball fanatic
  •  kimbap kidding? 
  • Crab walks away 
  • Son of Jeju 
  • fashTion 
  • '13th visual’ (fuk nah)
  • Im the BEST quality 


Vernon:

  • child actor but never fukn talks about it
  • attempts vocal runs
  • looks confused most of the time  
  • iconic rap lines “pull up on you wacks with a mac fuly loaded”, “i’m only seventeen i only got a few dollars” “Chili Chicken in the microwave”
  • fortune cookie hair 
  • headlines headlines ( HaJiMAaaaAa, dont mention smtm4)
  • his obsession with hotline bling
  • “speaks english, but forgets that one english word” (bilingual problems)
  • Person: h- 

          Vernon: I was born in america but moved to korea when I was five 

  • Kidney function is not a right its a privilege
  • woke af
  • His mom is my bias
  • teeth
  • bubble pop
  • *slightly lifts glasses* 'ding' 
  • sofia
  • Leonardo Dicaprio AND Leonardo Divinci
  • Dont take him fishing
  • stitch
  • Dat laugh tho
  • lotto
  • My favorite part of Seungkwan is-


Dino:

  • Michael Chanson
  • “Im growing!”
  • not Jeonghan’s aegi
  • we will now forget mansae era duck ass hair
  • Diamond makne
  • “he’s going through puberty now”-Hoshi
  • a new born savage
  • Makne’s visual ranking
  • GloUp of the century
  • “michael jackson version" 
  • bitter smile 
  • loud laugh 
  • *runs over hoshi’s toes with scooter* 
  • *scrolls through phone and half-heartedly says*  I love you.
Signs in a Haunted House

Screaming their heads off because they’re expecting a jump scare at every moment, “I’M TELLING YOU THERE’S ONE AROUND THAT CORNER”: Virgo, Aquarius, Leo

Tries to be brave, ends up covering their eyes, covering their ears, “can’t get scared if I can’t sense them”, “NO STOP PULLING ME”: Pisces, Scorpio, Cancer

Criticising the unrealisticness of the place just to mask their fear, “heh who even puts an exit sign in their house”, “Technically it isn’t possible to still scream without a head: Capricorn, Taurus, Aries

Flinches but takes the leads, “god you guys stop pushing me”: Sagittarius, Libra, Gemini

sapphic animated lady date nights

Korra and Asami: Mountain date, hike up a mountain with a giant dog, tease each other about ‘getting tired’ and have a kiss tax if one of you stumbles, point out weird rocks that look like your boss, make everyone feel less sporty when you both race the rest of the way to the top and the winner swings the loser around in her arms

Ruby and Sapphire: Embarrassing Mom date, giggle at all each other’s jokes, hold hands, take the family out to the fair and compliment your child when he does anything, win prizes for each other, practice cheesy pickup lines and have loud declarations of love in public when your wife so much as smiles

Bubblegum and Marceline: Meandering Date, serenade your workaholic gf with more and more obnoxious versions of ‘All Star’ until she agrees to go check out this cemetery with you. Accidentally upset some haunted tax collector headstones, destroy them, and then make out on a hilltop until dawn

Rose and Kanaya: Stay-in Date, stay at home and make mac-n-cheese with wine, quote Shakespeare/space alien Shakespeare, reenact famous movie scenes- except gay and you’re drinking wine and sometimes you fall over and kiss, pretend to be grownups and then play mario cart in your pjs for the rest of the night

Tsuyu and Ochako: Gal Pals School Night Date, high school girls go to a haunted house, scream, hold hands, tell each other they are the most beautiful thing in the entire world, make funny faces at each other and cuddle, get told by classmates you’d make a cute couple if one of you was a guy :), be gay 

Sailor Uranus and Neptune: Sophisticated Lesbian date, power couple goes to local high-end restaurant and are the most glamorous things in the room, show up in a sports car and make every girl in the vicinity 25% less straight, ballroom dance, get free cocktails, maybe fight a dude at the end of the night and make out up against an alley wall after they deck them