A/N: A request from @coldrozes for a Hotchniss fic based of the song Don’t Speak by No Doubt.
As Emily walked into her apartment with Aaron following closely behind, the two continued to bicker about what to eat for dinner tonight. “I’m really in the mood for pizza,” Emily said, plopping down onto the couch, her hair floating u behind her.
“But I want Thai,” Aaron laughed, sitting down at his girlfriend’s side. “You got to pick last time.”
Emily’s eyes widened in astonishment. She turned her face toward his so fast it made Aaron laugh. “Did you seriously just use that, “but you chose last time” thing with me?” She snorted and laid her head down in his lap. “How about instead of going out, we order in. I can order in pizza and eat an entire pie by myself, you can get an enormous plate of chicken pad thai and gorge yourself on that, and we can split a gigantic bottle of crappy red wine.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
It had been years since Haley’s death, and never again did Aaron think he was going to find another woman that was not just a lover, but a best friend. Sure, Emily was beautiful, intelligent and took no shit from anyone, but it was his ability to be himself around her that made him love her the most.
You and me We used to be together Everyday together always I really feel That I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe This could be the end It looks as though you’re letting go And if it’s real Well I don’t want to know
“Aaron!” She screamed. “We can’t keep doing this!”
Every year around the anniversary of Haley’s death, Aaron spilled into a pit of depression. Emily didn’t blame him for that. Anyone would be the same after living through something so tragic; hearing his wife die and barely making it in time to save his son was something that would undoubtedly weigh on him for the rest of his life in one way or another, but what she couldn’t handle was her boyfriend closing himself off to her and everyone else. “I can’t imagine what you go through every year, but pushing me away isn’t going to help. Let me in so that I can help you. Please.”
Aaron stood in the middle of his apartment, thankful that Jessica had taken Jack for a couple of days. After losing his mother, the last thing he needed was to see himself and Emily fighting. “I can’t do this again. Whether it’s the anniversary of Haley’s death, or a case that hits you more than you intended, I can’t keep being pushed away only to be brought back when you need comfort. It’s not fair to me, and I won’t do it Aaron. You need to-”
Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me 'cause it hurts
As he placed his finger against her lips, he nodded. “I know, I know. It’s just so hard.”
“Why does it need to be hard with me? I live this job. I know the toll it takes. I’ve lost people to the job too,” her voice started to waver as she spoke. “You say I’m your best friend, so prove it…talk to me.”
They’d been through this before too. She’d beg him to open up, he’d say he would, and then it never happened, leaving the cycle to repeat itself over and over again, but their bond, and the millions of memories they’d gathered over their years together kept her from leaving. Emily had never imagined falling in love with Aaron, but it happened, and she swore she’d never hurt him. But to keep that promise, did that mean continuing to hurt herself?
Our memories Well, they can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands I sit and cry
The case had ended the best way it could have, but that didn’t mean it ended well. While the majority of the school’s children were returned to their parents safe and sound, 17, 17 beautiful young lives had been snuffed out by a madman’s homemade bomb. Between all the members of the BAU, all 17 sets of parents had been notified that their children had been ripped away from them.
That was three days ago.
Emily never pushed for Aaron to open up immediately following a case. Everyone needed to work through things in their own way, and Aaron tended to work through things better on his own before talking to people, but his problem was that after dealing with his emotions by himself, he shoved them away and never spoke of them again.
After grabbing a glass of water, she sat on her couch and pulled out her phone, message of message was highlighted in blue with no reply.
E: Call me when you get this. I wanted to see how you were doing.
E: Are you home? Did you go to pick up Jack at school? Please text me. I’m getting worried.
E: I don’t expect to weep on my shoulder or anything. I just want you to communicate with me. You claim I’m your best friend - the only one you can be yourself with, but when you push me away like this, it sure as hell doesn’t feel like I’m your best friend.
E: Hell, I barely feel like an acquaintance at this point.
Finally, nearly an hour later, she got a reply.
A: I’m sorry. I was picking Jack up. This last case hit me harder than I thought it would. Can you come in tomorrow before work starts? We’ll talk in my office. I promised I’d take Jack to dinner tonight. I love you, Emily.
At least she knew he was alive. Jack was his priority; she knew that and she wouldn’t have it any other way, but when it came to talking in his office…well, she’d heard that time and time again. It was the same old, same old. They’d end up talking, she’d end of crying, he’d kiss her to make everything go away, and somehow everything else floated into oblivion, not to be brought up until the next time he closed himself off.
E: I’ll be there at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I love you too, Aaron, but I mean it - things can’t continue as they are.
It’s all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are You and me I can see us dying, are we?