hot men in history

Horatio Nelson (1758-1805)

This man. I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He’s a British national hero who won various naval battles, the most notable of which being Trafalgar. He’s extremely talented, brave and just overall beautiful. Horatio Nelson, at 19 (see above picture) was gorgeous. Look at him. Look at that hat. Look at that wig. Just, hnnghhhhh. Take me now, Nelson, bb. 

Here’s why I would be his other arm in more ways than one:

1. Was a brilliant naval captain despite his chronic seasickness. YOU try defeating the Frenchies while puking your eyes out.

2. Lost an arm and an eye in warfare. Battle scars aresexy

3. Had one of the best last words ever. Most heterosexual last words on the planet, just saying. Later Victorians tried to censor it because, men kissing men? Impossible. Damn those Victorians. Who could resist Nelson’s “Kiss me Hardy”? Going out in style. And Hardy did, twice. I’m jealous already. 

4. Had a long affair with Emma Hamilton. If I was inclined to blog about sexy ladies, she’d be one of them. That girl had it going on. Threesome!

5. Was interested in the sciences even during his captaincy. Took detailed notes of the wildlife at the Caicos islands. Both brains and brawn. I approve.

 So there you go. A short update after too long a time. I’m sorry that I’m focusing on these two eras but these are the ones I study so I’m more exposed to the hotties. Submissions are welcome! 

William Pitt the Younger (1759-1806)

I knew I couldn’t keep the fact that I was a Pittite a secret for long, and I don’t know why I even tried. William Pitt the Younger is so hot you can fry eggs on those rosy cheeks. Here’s some of the reasons I would skip the second ministry and get on to second base:

1) Became Prime Minister of Great Britain at the ripe young age of 24. What have you done with your life?

2) His ideas were so influential that the group known as the Pittites (his proteges) carried out his methods way after his death. Hey, you know you’re good when…

3) His proteges included Lord Castlereagh (another hottie), Liverpool, Canning, Perceval, etc. With them, he raised a new generation of capable administrators.  He certainly had an eye for talent and the future. ;)

4) Never married and had no social ambitions, didn’t even want a title. I appreciate a modest repressed man when I see one.

5) His hostess was Lady Hester Stanhope, his niece, and she was so bamfy, I just cannot.

6) He was a forward thinking man who went after parliamentary reform, Catholic emancipation and abolition of the slave trade. Hey, even if he wasn’t successful, you gotta give the guy props for trying. And it all was done anyway by his successors, so he wins in the end.

Another Georgian update for your Jane Austen hearts. I’d rather hoped you would submit some hotties from different eras for us to drool over but since there is none, you all get to watch me rant about my Georgian politicians. There’s just something about wigs and Whigs that just makes me feel faint.

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Zhou Enlai (1898 – 1976)

In honour of achieving the 50 follower mark, I thought I’d delight you all with a new post. And lest you think I’m all going Euro-centric on you, here’s one of the brothers of communism that would make me embrace Marx in more ways than one.

And here’s the reasons why:

1) Advocated peaceful coexistence with the West after the Korean War and was instrumental in bringing about Nixon’s visit to China. Hey, you know I love me some men of peace.

2) Here’s what Kissinger had to say:

Mao dominated any gathering; Zhou suffused it. Mao’s passion strove to overwhelm opposition; Zhou’s intellect would seek to persuade or outmanoeuvre it. Mao was sardonic; Zhou penetrating.

Does the word ‘penetrating’ not sound utterly tantalizing? And I’m always fond of men who can outmanoeuvre.  

3) He survived the cultural revolution. Big props on that, especially when the idea of being alive was rather against the doctrine of the government.

4) Did a ton of revolutionary activities in France and Germany, travelling between the two places in the twenties. Just the idea of a handsome revolutionary in Paris in the twenties, working on his typewriter and drinking cheap wine? I mean, what more can you ask for?

5) That second picture with the silk robe and hat? Let me take that off with my teeth.

He probably also wore suspenders. SUSPENDERS.

thanks to reverse image searching some cool photography for which i can’t find a source, i now have ‘hot men covered in blood’ in my google history.

one of my favorite parts of history was when the congress of vienna was like “okay we are exiling napoleon we need a place where he will never be able to escape”

so they decided that the best place where he would never be able to escape like ever was this island called elba (1814):

which is around 53 kilometers off the shore of italy.

so after about a year on the island he like called up one of his bros in italy and was like “yo come pick me up.” they took a boat off the island and just went back to being emperor and then he decided “alright im gonna fuck some shit up” and the congress of vienna was like “wait what the fuck, where did you come from??? didnt we send you to elba??? how the fuck did you get back?”

so then waterloo happened and he was defeated again and was exiled for the second time in the span of 2 years. the congress seeming to figure out the flaw in their plan exiled him to the island of st. helena:

and the also paid him millions of dollars to stay there. on a beautiful island. with probably a lot of hot women. or hot men (i dont know what napoleon was into). wow how horrible.